Winter - 1999

Bojack had been seeing a therapist for over a year now, and he and Herb's relationship was thriving. Not only that, but his career was thriving as well. The play Princess Carolyn had gotten him a part in was getting great reviews, and one paper had even lauded their ability to get "Oscar winner Bojack Horseman" for their little off-broadway theatre. It took Herb roughly ten days to get the horse's ego under control after that, but he was happy to see Bojack smiling nonetheless.

They never planned to be in New York forever, and they had already planned their return to LA for the end of the year. But Bojack had to say he was surprised how quickly Herb was willing to go back to California. Well, maybe not that surprised, especially after the weather started to change. Bojack got to see snow for the first time in his life and immediately got sick of it. As well as getting sick of Herb's teasing that he was a 'thin-skinned west coast boy'.

He tried to prove that he wasn't as thin-skinned as Herb claimed, despite the fact that he clearly was, and went as far as to wager that he could go all the way to the neighborhood bodega without a jacket, easy. That petty little excursion ended with the Bojack pouting on the couch for two weeks with a cold. Luckily, Herb assured him that he was a "benevolent boyfriend" and promised he would tease him 36% less than he had from then on.

Today they were taking a trip to the deli on 33rd for lunch, and Bojack was happily prattling on about his day at the theatre.

"And so I told Amy, 'If you want to play Froggy as the party girl who's always looking for the next party, fine. But how about instead you try and play her more like a party girl who's afraid of when the party will end?' And you know what she said to that?"

Herb tightens his coat against the cold as they wait for the light to change. "Hmm?"

He lifted his head up proudly, "She said, 'Wow Bojack, that's really good advice!"

"Hmmm." Herb looked straight ahead, lost in thought and Bojack frowned at him. He'd been acting strangely for a couple of days now, but not listening to his anecdotes was the final straw for the needy horse.

Bojack furrowed his brow at the other man, "What's up with you lately? You've been acting super weird."

"Hmm? Oh! Uh, nothing. Its nothing." He says shaking his head.

The horse rolled his eyes, "Yeah that sure sounds convincing," He nudges the him with his elbow, "Come on, spill it."

Herb grimaces, "Well, my… family, asked me to come visit for the holidays."

Bojack perked up, "Oh! That sounds cool, when?"

"That sounds cool?" Herb scoffed, "Since when do you ever want to do anything that included the word 'family?'"

"No not with my family sure, but I'd like to meet yours. Besides, isn't that something you're supposed to do in a relationship?"

Herb's gaze shifts around the street nervously, trying to avoid eye contact "Oh, I don't know… I'm probably not even gonna go... Plus, it probably conflicts with our schedules, right?" He tries to laugh it off, "You don't want to meet my family anyways."

Bojack shook the smaller man by the shoulder, "Are you kidding me? I totally want to meet your family! We can make time."

Herb stops in his tracks and sighs heavily. Turning to face Bojack he presses his palms together. "Let me put it another way, I don't want you to meet my family."

Bojack's face fell, "Oh…."

He patted the horse on the arm. "Look it's not you, it's them. Trust me, you don't want to meet."

Bojack frowned, "Okay, sure… but, have you at least visited since you've been here?"

"I have to visit just cause I'm in New York?" He replied curtly, slipping an irritated edge into his voice.

Bojack rubbed the back of his neck with his gloved hand. "No… it's just, you've been back in the city for three years now so why not-"

The smaller man whipped around to face him, "Why do you care so much about what I do concerning my family? I never ask why you don't go visit your shitty parents, do I?"

Bojack raised his hands in defense, his eyes widening, "Woah, I didn't, I'm sorry I.."

Herb shakes his head and grimaces, "No, no I'm so sorry BJ. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that..."

They stood on the sidewalk in silence for a moment before Bojack spoke again, gently this time. "Listen, Herb, I don't want to make you do anything you're uncomfortable with."

There's a pause and Herb crosses his arms, "But?"

"But, we're going back to LA in a month and a half. And this might be the last chance you'll get to see them, and I'll get to meet them, for a while." The implication that this chance may very well be their last forever hung heavily in the air. Herb tightens his arms across his chest and sighs, bringing one hand up to rub at his eyes.

"... just, one day?"

Bojack smiles hopefully, "Just one day. A couple of hours tops."

He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, "Yeah?"

"Totally, a quick hi-and-bye."

"Okay."

"Some greeting and some eating."

Herb starts to crack a smile, "I get it."

"A little 'Oh Herb, who's your friend? He's very handsome.'"

Herb laughs, "They know who you are BJ. You starred in my TV show, remember?"

Bojack brings a hand to his chin and hums, "Hmm, maybe vaguely." He laughs as they reach their destination and holds the door open for the other man, "Your family is gonna love me."

"Alright, alright..." Herb chuckles nervously as he enters the building, "Let's hope so..."

Herb was wound tighter than a drum during the entire drive out to Queens from their apartment Brooklyn. Once they got closer to Herb's Mom's house Bojack adjusts his scarf a little and clears his throat. "So uh, who's going to be at this thing anyway?"

Herb presses himself deeper into his seat, "Hmm, my Mom definitely. And if my siblings all show up it's gonna be my older brother Samed, my older sister Melanie and maybe her husband David," His face twists into a look of disgust and he points at Bojack, "side note, he's a dirtbag and I hate him. Then its just my little sister Rhubarb."

"Wow, big family."

Herb cocked an eyebrow at him, "Is it?"

"To me it is! Growing up, life as an only child could get pretty lonely. I always wanted brothers, touch football on the weekends, noogie parades on the reg."

Herb smirked, the first instance of something like a smile he'd made all day. "Truly spoken like a man who has no siblings."

Bojack rolls his eyes, "Anyway, what's your family like?"

He shrugs. "Mmm, your typical Italian-American family I guess. Expect a lot of yelling, that's just how we communicate." He waves his hand around, "Well, Pop was actually Turkish but he's not around anymore."

Bojack cocks his head, "Huh, I didn't know you were Turkish."

Herb snorts, "Kazzaz sounds like a WASP name to you?"

"Alright, is it just "Make Fun of Bojack Day?" The horse complains.

The other man sneers and crosses his arms, "Don't worry, there'll be plenty of for me to soak up from them when we get there." Herb fumes as the bad memories and emotions are dredged up. "Sami and my sisters were idolized by my parents, even though they're always screwing shit up, while I'm the asshole nobody likes." He sighs, "They made my life miserable, and then they never forgave me for leaving."

Bojack nods solemnly, "I get that. My mom still complains that I don't talk to her enough even though she spent my entire childhood telling me to leave her the hell alone."

Herb fidgets with the buttons on his coat sadly, "Pop and I were always so close. And when he died, I think they held it against me that I took it so hard, y'know?" He reaches his hand across the median and touches Bojack's arm, "Promise you won't leave me alone up there? I need you as a buffer."

He nods, "You got it, Babe." He cleared his throat again, "So what's the, y'know," Bojack rubs the steering wheel with his thumb nervously, "What's the dialogue we're creating here? When they ask about me?"

Herb shrugs weakly, "Nothing special, I'm in the city for SNL, and you just so happen to be in the city to work on your play. So I wanted my family to meet my best friend of the last 15 years."

They pull up to a small white and blue rowhouse and park on the street. Herb looks out the window and sighs, "That's us." As Bojack goes to get out Herb quickly grabs his arm to stop him and gives him a stern yet pleading look. "Just a couple hours, right?"

Bojack laughs and nods, "A couple hours." He leans over to give the other man a kiss before they go inside. But Herb jumps back from him before his lips can land.

"BJ, don't do that here! Are you crazy?" Herb hisses at him as he gets out of the car. Bojack frowns a little as they make their way to the front door, rubbing his hands together nervously. The smaller man grabs a hold of the doorknob and walks right inside, knocking on the frame as he does.

"Hello?"

The telltale signs of occupancy ring throughout the house, with the noises and smells of someone working in the kitchen, and the sound of a television running daytime TV. Bojack spots a woman looking to be in her late thirties, with long wavy hair the same color as Herb's lift a glass of wine into the air in greeting from the couch. "Hey."

Herb puts his hands on his hips, "Mel, I haven't been home in six years. Can't you at least get up from the couch to say hello to your brother?"

She takes a long sip of her wine, not taking her eyes off the TV as she does. When she finally finishes she sighs loudly. "No."

Herb crosses his arms and sneers at her, "How's David?"

Her head whips around and she fixes Herb with a venomous stare, "Shut up Herbie."

A nasally woman's voice carries loudly from the kitchen, "That Herbie?"

"Get in here and see for yourself!" Melanie shouts from the couch, making Bojack wince.

An older antelope woman enters the living room, drying her hands off on her apron as she does. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees the two men and plants her hands on her hips in the same way Herb does, almost making Bojack giggle. Until he sees the way she glares at them, and how Herb shies away from her stare.

"Hi Ma..." Herb squeaks out.

She juts out her chin at him, "Oh, look who finally showed up."

Herb frowns and turns to look at the grandfather clock in the foyer, "You said be here at four, it's 3:45!"

She shakes her head, making the little baubles tied between her antlers jingle. "Six years late!" she snaps at him, before turning around and storming back into the kitchen, mumbling something about "the nerve of that boy".

He sighs and drags a hand down his face. Bojack puts his hand on the smaller man's shoulder and whispers to him, "You alright?"

He shakes his head, "Maybe this was a mistake..."

Bojack was about to suggest they leave, but suddenly a young heavy-set antelope, looking to be in her late twenties stomps down the stairs, "What the hell's Ma yelling about now?"

Herb manages a weak smile, "Hey Barb."

She stops and puts both her hands on the railings. Her face is blank as she stares Herb down, save for a slight lifting of her eyebrows, in surprise that he'd actually showed up. She turns to look at Bojack and her expression changes to one of high scrutinization as she gives him a slow once over. After a minute she hums and crosses her arms.

"Hey Herbie. Who's this one?"

Herb wrinkles his nose at her and frowns, gesturing to Bojack, "This is my friend Bojack. Bojack, this is my little sister Rhubarb"

She huffs lightly, "You stayin' for dinner?"

He opens his mouth to say something but gets cut off by a shout from the kitchen.

"Herbie still here?"

Both sisters reply with a synchronized, "Yeah!"

The sound of a wooden spoon hitting Formica sounds from the doorway, "That's a record!"

A tense silence takes over the room and Bojack fidgets nervously as Herb pinches the bridge of his nose. "It's uh, nice to meet you all." He chuckles, "I didn't even know Herb had siblings before last week."

Herb cringed at that and opens his mouth to say something. Suddenly an older looking male antelope wearing a Knicks jersey came in from the hall behind him and slapped him hard on the back.

"What, are you ashamed of us you putz?"

Herb grunts in pain and annoyance as he shakes off the man's hand, "No Sami."

The antelope looks over Herb at Bojack and his eyebrows shoot up. "Holy shit, is that the horse from Horsin Around?"

Bojack can't help but chuckle nervously again and Herb groans, "Sami, I told you Bojack was coming with."

"Ah you know me, Herbie, I stop listening to you after two minutes, tops." He nudges Herb in the ribs with his elbow, and by the looks of it pretty hard too because Herb winces and rubs at his side as his brother breezes past him to Bojack.

"Hah, it's uh, nice to uh...meet you, Sami." Bojack extended his hand to the man, but it's ignored in favor of Sami producing a digital camera from a drawer and throwing his arm around Bojack's neck for a picture.

He laughs as he takes the photo, "A real movie star, in our house! What the hell are you doing all the way up here from Hollywood?"

Bojack rubs at his eyes from the sudden flash and smiles weakly, "Uh, w- well I was in the city to do some theatre work, and uh, Herb invited me to dinner."

He turns to his sister on the couch and points at Bojack, "Hey Mel! It's Bojack Horseman!"

"I seen him Sami." She says before taking another long sip of her wine.

So far Bojack was getting really confusing vibes.

Herb had warned Bojack about the standard of volume in the house before they got there. And based on Herb's reception by his family, the horse expected the night to end in a fight of some sort; as was the custom with his own parents. So it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. But the dinner had dissolved into a slew of shouting and arguing much faster than either man had anticipated.

Herb's mom swung the cigarette she lit directly after they said grace in front of her, "You ran off and abandoned your family in their hour of need!"

Herb nearly jump out of his seat in outrage, "Okay, first of all, Pop died years before I left! And second of all, I didn't "run-off", I was nineteen and I moved out!"

Melanie snorted, "Yeah, all the way across the country."

Herbs' mother holds a hand against her chest dramatically and to her credit actually looks kind of sad, which Bojack can tell is affects Herb by how guilty he looks all of a sudden.

"For six years you didn't come home." Her expression morphs into a sneer, "Why don't you make like The Pearl and blow!"

"Why don't you get mad at Sami for never moving out! He's forty-two!" Herb shouted exasperatedly.

Samed slams his hand on the table, making it shake. "Hey fuck off Herbie!"

Their mom gasps, "How dare you! You know damn well his leg's still sore from his accident at the Queen's Auto."

Rhubarb scoffs and rolls her eyes, "Yeah, he's gonna need his strength if he's gonna be a wide receiver for NYU."

"He didn't get into NYU." Herb groans.

Melanie rolls her eyes and glares at Herb, "Hey, here's a thought, why don't you just go back to LA and your fancy Hollywood friends, and keep being a California big shot. Instead of coming up here and judging us."

Herb makes an incredibly hurt face and stands fully from his seat, "Mel! You asked me to come here!"

"Oh here we go, Little Herbie thinks the world revolves around him." She shakes her head, "Too good for your family huh?"

"I do not think I'm too good for my family!" Herb shouts, looking like he's on the verge of either crying or pulling his hair out in frustration.

Bojack steps in front of Herb, "You guys have got it all wrong Herb's not some big shot."

He can feel the smaller man tug on his sleeve, "Bojack." He whispers warningly, but he is ignored as Bojack continues.

"The only reason Herb had his own show in the first place was because some ABC executives just happened to be in the crowd one night while he was performing his stand up. Then, he pitched the show to them when they were drunk at a party. And he only got his job at SNL because he happened to run into a different drunken exec at another party." He laughs and shakes this head, "He's just some kid from New York who moved to LA and got lucky! He's not too good for anything!"

The table falls so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Until Sami pipes up, "Herbies a loser?"

Suddenly the table erupts into laughter.

Bojack cringed as Herb's family roared in ridicule at him. That wasn't exactly the response he had been aiming for. Bojack turns to Herb, giving him a double thumbs up and smiling nervously. "...Bojack helping?"

Herb's face was a mask as he looked back at the horse, but Bojack could see the pain in his eyes just behind that defense he was putting on, and it made his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. Herb just looked at him for a moment, even while everyone continued to laugh. Then, he just shook his head, turned, and left the room.

Bojack felt the dread of knowing he'd fucked up creep into his chest as he tried to follow the smaller man. He called after him, "Herb wait!" But the door is slammed hard behind him, and the bitterly cold air that flies into the house is like a final slap to the horse's face.

He stands at the front door, his hands nervously wringing at his chest. He felt a shortness of breath and tried the deep breathing exercises his therapist taught him. His breathing slowly returned to normal as he heard the laughter in the dining room start to die down. He walked back to everyone at the table and frowned, as they hadn't even moved from their seats despite the fact that they literally just laughed their son and brother from the house. And even though Herb had maintained a look of indifference, Bojack knew for a fact that as soon as he was alone he would be crying. The fact that his family surely knew that they had teased him to tears and still didn't care made the horse's ears feel hot.

He gestured to the front of the house, "Does… Anyone want to go see if he's okay?"

Sami waves his hand dismissively, "Oh leave him Bojack, let Baby Herbie have his tantrum."

Bojack cringed, "Well it's just, he seemed really upset."

Melanie scoffs, "Yeah, he used to run off like this all the time when we were kids. Who knows where crybaby ran off to."

The rest of the family murmured in agreement and continued to eat their dinner like nothing had happened. Bojack started to feel the dread in his chest be replaced with white-hot anger. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from saying something awful that might further damage whatever threads of a relationship Herb still held with his family.

Instead, through gritted teeth he asked, "Can I use your phone?"

Bojack breathed a sigh of relief when he got out of the cab he'd called. He had finally found Herb at the third place he looked, (but if anyone asked he would say he went there first). There above groups of friends, families, and couples enjoying a perfect winter's day ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza, was Herb. He was sitting alone behind the statue of Prometheus and watching the skaters enjoy themselves as he sulked. Bojack made his way up to him through the throngs of people and carefully approached him.

Herb turns around when he senses someone standing behind him and frowns when he sees its Bojack. "Hey..."

Bojack sits down beside him, feeling awkward, "Hey."

Herb avoids eye contact with him, but Bojack can see they were still puffy and red from crying. Herb cleared his throat, "Sorry I took the car. I just wanted to leave that second."

Bojack is taken a little off guard by the apology. "Oh, don't worry about it, I just called a cab."

Herb frowned at him and knit his eyebrows together, "You didn't take the subway?"

"...Shit. That would've been easier huh?"

Herb snorts and looks back to the ice, but there's still no sign of a smile on his face. Bojack puts his hands in his pockets, "Sorry for all that stuff I said back there."

Herb shrugged, "S'all true isn't it?"

"No, it's not true Herb. I was just trying to put a spin on things to appease your family. Dr. Garcia says it's a defense technique from my childhood. A kind of low impact sort of tactic. I thought if I made you sound like less of the incredible person you obviously are, it would make your family stop..." He shakes his head, "Just stop. But… that's no excuse, and I'm so sorry baby."

Herb sighed, "It's fine BJ. I know what you were trying to do, but trust me, you can't make them stop. Nothing is ever good enough for them."

They sat in silence for a minute just watching the people skate. After a while, Bojack put his hand on Herb's leg and jostled it lightly. "Listen Herb, take it from a guy who has his own shitty parents. Family is a sinkhole. And you were right to get out when you did."

Herb rubs his hands together to stave off the cold and scowled at the skaters below them, "The stupid thing is that even now I still just want them to like me, and think I that I did good." He turns to Bojack with a miserable look on his face. "Is that really stupid?"

"Yep."

Herb sits up straight and smacks him on the shoulder, "No it isn't!"

Bojack throws his hands up in the cold air, "Yeah, it is! You want those assholes to like you? And here I thought my family was cold, yeesh! Herb, you're already amazing, you don't need them. The only thing you can do now is just to keep, living, forward."

Herb groan, "I know... but, every time I go back there-"

"So don't go back there!"

Herb's eyebrows shoot up but he stays silent so Bojack continues, "Let's you and me just go back to California. The best thing about LA is that nobody cares who you are or where you're from."

Herb looks amused at that, "Well, in New York-"

"Yeah yeah okay, New York is like that too," Bojack backpedals as he waves his hands in front of him, "But you know the second best part about LA? This is a secret I learned when I was young," He clears his throat and says slowly and clearly, "Your family isn't in LA."

Herb chuckles and Bojack smiles, throwing his arm around the smaller man and pulling him close, "You think that's a coincidence? It's the best! Why do you think people keep moving there?"

Herb snorts again and nestles into his shoulder, "...Thanks BJ."

Bojack kissed him sweetly on the temple and they sat there in a new, more comfortable silence, watching the people below them enjoy the winter night. The sharp December air a little more bearable now that they were close to each other.

"... I think your brother had a crush on me."

Herb bursts out laughing and Bojack soon joins him.