Firestar lets Sandstorm in on the secret

Weirdly enough I have more fun writing out the Neutral endings but it's probably because I love writing out fluff, angst, and comfort between these cats. The corruption premise and the cats not giving a damn about anything is still my favorite but I like seeing cats being comforted when hurt. Warms the heartstrings :)

Review?

Firestar picked up his head as morning dawned. He got up to his paws and signaled the other cats around him to do the same, and watched as various cats picked up Hollyleaf's, Mousefur's, Ferncloud's, and Sorreltail's bodies and carried them out of camp to bury. He went with them, wanting to say goodbye to his granddaughter and to his other fallen clanmates. He realized with a pang that he might be doing the same for Foxleap later; his condition wasn't looking good.

He couldn't save them. He had killed Tigerstar but the rest of the Dark Forest hadn't stopped. They didn't know their leader was dead- so they continued on with the attack. Worst of all, he couldn't even announce that he had killed Tigerstar or cats would question how he won with minimal injuries. The Dark Forest wasn't exactly Bloodclan either- even if the cats knew Tigerstar was dead, some other cat would have taken command.

But the fact remained that he had powers and he had hardly used them during the battle. He could have saved these cats if he had just did something.

They were going to hate him. They were up in Starclan and no doubt were told about the leader's shared secret. They knew he could have easily won the battle if he or one of the leaders had used their powers. His fallen clanmates were going to reject him too. He couldn't do anything right. The thoughts wouldn't leave him alone and sent him into a downwards spiral mania of self-loathing.

The voice once again made itself known, and as he was helping dig up graves, he couldn't help but finally listen to it. Maybe he really did belong in the ocean. That way, he wouldn't be able to make any mistakes, make life or death choices, or indirectly kill someone. Starclan clearly thought he and the others belonged there. The Starclan cats he ran into during the battle either ignored him, avoided him, or were awkward around him. Was that how it would be like if he was accepted into Starclan?

He was already dreading dying if that was the reception he was going to get.

He made himself busy by helping repair the camp and going out to hunt, making sure everyone was well fed. All the while the voice continued on in his head unimpeded, whispering thoughts into his subconsciousness.

Eventually the day went by and night fell onto the lake. He tiredly padded over to Sandstorm, who was also exhausted from the days work. He hesitated, wondering if telling Sandstorm was a good idea. He had promised to tell her- and he wasn't about to break a promise he made to his mate.

"I promised I would tell you what's going on." She nodded to him and he gestured for her to follow. Brambleclaw saw him leaving with Sandstorm and Firestar gave him a nod. Brambleclaw joined them, citing to Sandstorm that he was in the know.

Sandstorm looked confused as they made their way to the secluded spot, wondering why she had never seen this part of the territory before. Her gaze burned into Firestar as he shuffled his paws nervously while gazing at the water. "Well?"

She noticed that Brambleclaw was hovering between the two in a defensive position. The most worrying part was that he was facing towards her. He was clearly ready to defend Firestar. She frowned, why would Brambleclaw need to protect Firestar from her? She would never hurt him!

Firestar gave a heavy swallow. "Something happened while the leaders and I were humans." He stopped and wondered why he couldn't just spit it out. He could still feel her burning gaze on the back of his head. "Maybe it would be easier if I just showed you..." He laid down and dipped his paw into the water; there was no going back now.

She watched his form shimmer and her mouth hung open as the shimmering stopped to reveal the scaly tail that replaced his hind legs. Brambleclaw stiffened and gave him a look of concern. Firestar cringed. She wasn't saying anything. Why wasn't she saying anything? Did she hate him now? He could feel tears well up again and his body shook as he attempted to keep them in. Brambleclaw stalked over to Sandstorm and nudged her. "Say something to him," he hissed into her ear, noticing that Firestar was on a verge of a breakdown.

She snapped out of it and walked up to him, also noticing Firestar's state. She gave him a lick on the head, Firestar stiffening at her actions. "I'm not mad or weirded out by... whatever this is. Just tell me how this happened and what it is?"

So he told her everything. Brambleclaw was laying beside him, giving him nudges and licks of encouragement to keep going. Sandstorm was silent throughout the whole thing and was still silent as he finished. She gave a deep breath, "You're a mouse-brain you know that?" He ducked his head down at her comment. "I'm not mad that you're a mercat Firestar. I'm just mad that you waited this long to tell me. You told Brambleclaw but not your own mate?"

Brambleclaw scowled, "He told me nothing, I saw him transform and confronted him about it." She gave a sigh, "You still should have told me."

"Why, so you could possibly reject me like Starclan?" his voice sounded small and meek.

"Wha-What?" He looked up at her and she finally noticed how broken he looked. She stared into his eyes in shock- they used to be so full of life and she was only just now seeing how dead they looked.

"Starclan came to us. They said either we get fixed or we might not have a place in Starclan when we die."

"That's ridiculous!" Was Starclan the reason why Firestar's beautiful green eyes had dulled and lost their spark? He laid his head on a paw, the other paw lazily swishing the water.

"It's so loud in my head," he suddenly meowed. "The voice doesn't go away. It keeps wanting me to return to the ocean you know. I keep thinking about how wonderful it would be to finally leave the land behind- to leave the clan behind. I could finally stop being so scared of everything. I could let all my worries go." They listened to him in shock, not liking where this was going, nor did they like his dead tone. He sounded like he had given up all hope.

"I couldn't save Hollyleaf, or Mousefur, or Ferncloud, or anyone yesterday night. I have these powers and I couldn't do anything. They probably know all about me being a mercat now and they'll hate me for not doing anything to save them."

"You used those powers to kill Tigerstar!" Brambleclaw snarled. Firestar gave him a tired look, "I did a lot of things for Starclan but they hate me now. What's killing Tigerstar going to do for me? It's not good enough. Nothing I do is good enough. I'm useless." Sandstorm and Brambleclaw were stunned into silence. Was this how Firestar really felt about himself?

"I clearly belong in the ocean. I can't do anyone harm there," he said dejectedly.

"You belong here." She forced her head under his chin. "I don't care what you are. You're my mate and having a fish tail won't change how much I love you." But she couldn't deny that there were probably going to be some cats who weren't going to like Firestar's new form if they found out. Starclan clearly didn't.

"If you do decide to leave the clan, you better take me with you, you stupid mouse-brain." He gave a shaky purr and gave her head a few licks. He felt a nudge from Brambleclaw, "You better take me too."

"Thunderclan would need a leader-"

"That cat won't be me then. Starclan doesn't deserve my support," Brambleclaw growled. He started grooming Firestar's pelt, who was shocked at both declarations. He softly purred as he realized how lucky he was to have such a caring mate and deputy. The voice lowered into a whisper and he began ignoring it again.

If Starclan finally got off their tails and flat out told him that he was rejected, then there was nothing stopping him or the leaders from seeking out the ocean. The cats next to him were stubborn- they would be coming along too. He and the leaders would probably appreciate some company who were okay with what they were. He just didn't have a way for Brambleclaw and Sandstorm to truly join him.

It didn't matter right now. They would cross that bridge when they get there- if they took that path at all.

"I think you look beautiful. Your scales are shimmering..." Sandstorm whispered. He turned his head to look at his tail and his scales were indeed shimmering in the moonlight, blazing like silver fire. Her comment made him feel warm inside. He dragged his tail and body to curl around Brambleclaw and Sandstorm, and they snuggled into him in turn.

They fell asleep there, Brambleclaw's and Sandstorm's purrs reassuring Firestar that everything would work out.

Will Starclan change their minds seeing that Sandstorm is also okay with mercats? Ehhhh maybe? I've got split timelines for this one. Not every cat in Starclan is against the mercats but they're drowned out by the most outspoken opposers.

Tell me how I did.