Chapter 17 – Anna

Today was the day. She was having her last round of chemotherapy. She had met with her oncologist and it was a sure thing. After this, she would be free from treatments just got her reconstruction to go. Donna had been looking forward to this point for so long she could hardly believe it was happening. It had been a year since she was first diagnosed and, in that time, although at lot had happened, she felt like her life had been on hold. She was aware that even when the treatments end it would still not be totally normal, but it was a milestone. After all, she still had many hospital visits in her future and that's something that was not likely to change. Even when her surgery is done, she will still be needing check-ups and scans probably for the rest of her life.

Her and Harvey were making their way to the hospital and Donna had to say she had never been this happy going to get chemo, neither had Harvey. He was just relieved that it was over too. Seeing her in pain and going through treatment after treatment was hard to watch. He was doing his best to keep her spirits up when she hit any bumps in the road and to think soon they could go back to normal was such a relief.

"How are you feeling?" Harvey said as she sat in the chemo chair

"I am so glad that I will never have to do this again" she gestured towards the medical equipment that surrounded her

"I bet you are" Harvey placed his hand on hers "I can't wait for this to be over too"

Donna was looking around the room and every time anyone walked in the door she was looking up. It took Harvey a second, but he soon realised that Anna wasn't here like she usually was. Instead, her chair was occupied by a boy who couldn't have been more than 18 years old. Harvey was a little shocked at seeing a person that young on his own and felt bad for him. No one deserved to face cancer but especially not a kid. Where were his parents? Or his friends? Harvey's thoughts were interrupted by Donna's head flying up as a couple entered the room.

"You looking for Anna?" Harvey questioned

"Yeah, she said she was going to be here. I mean she is always here" Donna was confused. Since her chemo started Anna had been there almost every time and after their dinner last week Anna had said she would be here.

"Why don't you call her?"

"No phones" Donna huffed

"Do you want me to go call her for you?" Harvey knew Donna wanted to see her friend, it was understandable since it was her last treatment. She wanted to celebrate it. Also, he was also aware she may be seeing less of her friend once the treatments ended.

"Thanks" Donna handed Harvey her phone

He returned a few minutes later "She didn't pick up, but I left a voicemail"

"Hmm that's really weird" Donna continued to look around the room "She always answers her phone unless she is here and she's not here"

"Maybe she is running late today"

"Maybe" Donna was unconvinced. Anna was never late. In fact, every time she and Donna had met up Donna was always the second to arrive. Maybe the treatment plan had been changed or altered but then why wouldn't she text her. Something just wasn't sitting right.

It was getting to the end of Donna's treatment and Anna had still not turned up. Donna was actually a little worried about her. What if she was sick of something? Harvey could sense Donna was concerned and did his best to reassure her but to no avail.

"Excuse me" Harvey called over one of the nurses. One thing Harvey had noticed coming here with Donna is that the nurses worked on a rotation meaning you basically always saw the same ones and they made it their job to know every patient "Is there any chance you know where Anna is, she's usually here the same time as us and it is Donna's last treatment today"

Donna looked hopefully at the nurse stood in front of them. She had always liked this particular nurse, she always offered to get everyone tea and coffee and was by far the best at making them. Also, something about her reminded her of Gretchen, not in looks, this nurse was rather slim with blonde hair, but in nature. However, when she looked at her facial expression all hope left Donna. It was not one of confusion or of knowledge but sadness. She looked upset that Harvey had even asked the question

"No," Donna said before the nurse even opened her mouth

"I'm sorry" the nurse started looking over to Donna "Anna passed away yesterday"

Harvey's mouth dropped open and he instinctively pulled Donna close to him. Donna, on the other hand, remained completely frozen. She couldn't believe it. She knew that Anna had re-lapsed and this was her second encounter with cancer which meant she experienced far more complications, but she seemed okay. She never said anything to Donna, she didn't mention the treatments weren't working and she didn't seem all that bad the week before.

"How?" Donna said almost void of all feeling. It was like she was feeling so many negative emotions so quickly that she couldn't express any of them

"Her treatments were not working very well, she had known for a while and yesterday she lost her fight" The nurse stayed for a little bit while Donna processed the information and in case she had any more questions but with a nod from Harvey left them alone and carried on her day.

"Donna" Harvey spoke but Donna made to attempt to respond or move "Donna, I'm so sorry" It was all that he could say. Nothing Harvey did at this point was going to make Donna feel better. All he could do was hold her and be there.

Donna hugged Harvey tighter and then sobs starting racking through her body. Her whole body was vibrating against Harvey as she cried, and it was breaking Harvey's heart. Anna had been a great friend to Donna and help her in a way no one else could. And now she was just gone. This was meant to be a happy day and it quickly turned into the saddest. The earth lost one of the most beautiful and caring people she had ever met and that knowledge filled Donna with dispair.

When Donna was finally able to drag her body out of the hospital into the back of Ray's car, she couldn't focus on anything going on around her. She didn't know where they went, or how long it took, she barely even clocked Harvey holding her hand the whole time. Harvey led her where she needed to go, and she just went where she was taken. Before she knew it she was sat on the couch of her apartment feeling empty. Usually, by this point she would be getting tired or nauseous but not today, today she just felt numb. She couldn't believe she was never going to see her friend again. She can't believe the last she saw her was that night at the restaurant. She couldn't believe she didn't get a chance to tell her how much she had helped her and how much she meant to her. She just sat there frozen with tears streaming down her face that she had stopped even bothering to wipe away.

Meanwhile, Harvey was getting worried about her. She wasn't saying anything or doing anything it was like she was in a trance. He felt utterly helpless. Harvey was trying to be there for her, but she didn't seem to even be aware he was there. All he could do was watch her go through this and just be there when she needed him. He sat next to her for a while and she was soon sobbing into his shoulder once more. This shirt was getting wet with her tears, but Harvey didn't care. Finally, Donna seemed to have no tears left and the apartment was plunged into a heavy silence. She didn't know what to say and neither did Harvey. There was nothing to say really.

"Donna" Harvey whispered into her hair "What can I do?"

She whispered back "nothing" and attempted a small smile but couldn't muster one.

Harvey pulled her back against her chest and just stroked her hair. After what seemed like an eternity Donna had fallen asleep, something Harvey was grateful for. She needed a break and hopefully, her dreams would take her somewhere happier. Harvey carefully stood up making sure he didn't wake her. He took his phone out of his pocket and called the one person he could think to help her.

"Rachel" Harvey spoke into the phone

"Harvey" she was shocked at the call. Harvey never called her.

"Rachel, Donna needs you"

"What happened?" he surprised tone now just concerned

"Anna passed away"

"I'm coming" That was all Rachel needed. She didn't need to know how, when or why. She knew the devastation that Donna must be feeling right now, and she needs to be surrounded by the people she loves. She'd lost a friend, a gap that Rachel couldn't fill, but she knew Donna needed all the friends she could get right now. She needed to know she wasn't alone.

Rachel arrived an impressive ten minutes after the phone call. She knocked at the door frantically and Harvey rushed to it, hoping he would be able to open it before the knocking woke Donna. He swung open the door but instead of letting her in stepped into the hallway closing it behind him.

"She sleeping" He explained "But thank you so much for coming, she needs a friend right now I think"

"Of course, Harvey" Rachel looked at him sympathetically.

"Okay so if you don't mind waiting around until she wakes up that would be amazing. I am just going to stay in the hall for 5 minutes and make some calls"

"Sure," Rachel said moving into the apartment.

Harvey pulled out his phone and started by ringing the office. He had to let them know that him, Rachel and Donna would all be out today. Then he made some calls to the hospital to try and find some more information. He knew that when she woke Donna would have questions and he wanted to be prepared with the answers. He also thought it was important that Donna attended the funeral so had to get information.

In the meantime, Rachel took a seat on the couch next to her friend. She could see that her eyes were puffy and red even though they were closed and Donna's whole demeanour was off. She couldn't quite believe this was happening, why couldn't the world give Donna a break. For all that she was going through, she didn't need the heartache of losing a friend. Especially someone who was so vital in helping Donna cope with her own illness. Rachel had only met Anna once, but she had liked her, and she was a good friend to Donna. None of this was fair.

Donna soon opened her eyes and spotted Rachel sat by her feet staring at the wall "Rach"

"Oh, Donna I am so sorry" Rachel immediately brought Donna into a hug, holding onto her much tighter than normal.

"Thanks" Donna muttered but it was almost inaudible

"This is so unfair" Rachel exclaimed. She didn't really know what to say but she knew it didn't really matter all that much. She held her friend for a while until Donna leaned back and looked around.

"Where's Harvey?" and at that exact moment Harvey walked through the door "Hey"

"How you are feeling?... sorry that was a stupid question" He felt stupid as soon as he had said it, she obviously was feeling devastated right now.

"It's okay" Donna leaned into him, her hand still being held by Rachel though

"I called the hospital" Harvey continued "Her funeral is tomorrow, I think you should go"

Donna nodded in response

"Do you need anything?" Harvey continued

"Um… no… thanks"

"I'll put the kettle on" Rachel stood, letting Donna's hand drop back down. She, like Harvey, didn't know what to do and say so decided to busy herself. She couldn't do much to comfort her friend but she could make tea.

They spend the afternoon just trying to support Donna any way they could. Rachel was holding her hand and listening to her stories about her friend and Harvey was just doing whatever he could however small. He got them some food, but Donna didn't eat much. Soon Donna had fallen back asleep. She always got tired after chemo but today was a different level.

The funeral rolled around the next day and by this point, the shock had worn off and reality set in for Donna. When they arrived, she spotted Mike and Louis there and walked over to them. Rachel had told Mike and Harvey told Louis. The funeral was held in a small church just outside of the city. It was pretty and the funeral was well attended. She deserved a good send off Donna thought.

The eulogies written by Anna's parents were beautiful and brought Donna to tears, but she soon wiped them away. She didn't want to be crying more than her parents, she can't imagine what it would be like to lose your child, parents should never outlive their children. As everyone started to exit the church, she felt a tap on her shoulder

"Are you Donna?" An older woman asked. She looked so much like Anna but much older. There was no mistaking this was her mother. Her eyes were puffy from crying, but she was holding strong. Donna could tell that she possessed the same kindness that Anna had.

"Yeah" Donna smiled sadly "I'm so sorry for your loss"

"Thank you" The older women mimicked the sad smile "Could you come back to the wake? Anna left something for you"

"Of course" Donna was taken aback; she hadn't known Anna very long, but it was nice to know that their friendship had meant a lot to her to. She had obviously discussed it with her parents, she hadn't known that. In fact, Anna rarely mentioned her parents but then again neither did she so that didn't necessarily mean anything.

The wake was held at Annas parents house and Harvey went with her. The others, however, didn't want to intrude so excused themselves and headed home. The room was light and spacious and there was a spread on the long table which sat in the centre of the room. The house was open plan so people were able to spread out across the whole of the ground floor. When they arrived, Donna felt a little out of place. She didn't really know anyone, so she and Harvey just stood near the corner of the room together. He was holding her hand as he had in the car and during the ceremony.

"Donna" Annas mom approached once more "Come with me"

Harvey wasn't sure whether to go with her or stay behind but Donna answered that questions by pulling him along. They were led into a large garage full of canvases, some of which were so beautiful. She really was a talented artist. Anna's mom started shifting some of the paintings around until she found what she was looking for

"Here" she handed the canvas over to Donna "she made me promise to give this to you"

Donna took the canvas and turned it over to look at the image. I was a landscape of a large lake. It was full of little orange, red and yellow flowers. In the corner, there was a bench in which a figure sat. Although small on the canvas the person sat on the bench was unmistakeably Donna. She was wearing a fitted black dress and the beautiful orange headscarf that Harvey had given her right at the beginning of her treatment. The scarf was blowing slightly in the wind creating a striking silhouette. It was honestly one of the most beautiful paintings donna had ever seen. The scene was so realistic that Donna could almost imagine being there. A feeling of tranquillity overcame her as she looked at it, but that feeling soon turned into a pang of sadness.

Donna took a moment to take it all in and Anna's mom excused herself to join the other guests. Harvey looked at the painting over Donna's shoulder and smiled at it. It was stunning he thought. Donna started to tear up again, she promised herself she wouldn't cry again but how could she not.

"It's beautiful" Donna sobbed

"It sure is" Harvey agreed, talking about both Donna and the painting

Donna placed the canvas down by her feet and turned to hug Harvey. She needed the support right now and Harvey had been so good at that since they found out. He sat with her, held her hand and stroked her hair when she cried. She was pretty sure she had drenched multiple shirts but Harvey never complained or said anything.

"I miss her" Donna cried

"I know" Harvey comforted her and pulled her into a tight hug.

Over the next few days, Donna managed to hold herself together and tried to get back to a normal-ish rhythm. She had returned to work and was just trying to busy herself with whatever she could. Both Harvey and Rachel had been amazing in supporting her and the painting was now hung on the feature wall of their living room for all to see. Sometimes Harvey would catch her just staring at it deep in thought.

Donna had an appointment at the hospital to start discussing her reconstructive surgery. She didn't want to go through. It's not that she didn't want the surgery, but the hospital reminded her of Anna. The chemo room was where they met, the café is where they would go get coffee and watch the people walking by. They had even made a game of it, the third person to walk by would be one of their future husbands and once the third person turned out to be Harvey and they had laughed about it. She knew going to the hospital would bring those memories back and she didn't feel like facing them just yet.

So, Donna had put off the appointment, making excuses about work or other plans. She didn't feel like going, she would happily never see that place again with all the painful memories it held. Now, it had been two months since her chemo had ended, two months since the day she found out she would never see her friend again. In that time almost everything had returned to the status quo. People started to forget about Anna and Donna couldn't blame them. After all, they hadn't known her very well, not like she had. Donna was taking each day as it came and was starting to smile more. Harvey had been a great help, he listened to her stories and reminded of her of all the good times they had. He gave her the time to grieve her friend and never pushed her. But now Donna decided that it was time to start moving on. She wanted to remember her friend in a positive way, for the wonderful impact she had on her life. She knew that Anna would want her to be happy, to remember her fondly and Donna owed it to her to do that.

That day Donna made the appointment at the hospital. It was time to face her fears and start living her life once more.