Upstate New York, near the Canadian border where I commuted to my position at a nearby college. I bought a house far too big for just Abi and I, but with Mom and Dad right down the road, it was perfect. Quiet, neighbors that we couldn't see or hear, and enough space for a little girl to grow and learn in. It was all I could hope for.

Rowena and Crowley had helped me settle into my new house. My name unchanged, my life unaltered, only a year had passed since I had died. I couldn't remember why I'd been in Hell, what had caused me to be sent where I wasn't tortured, but also wasn't alive. They only said, I'd earned my way back to my daughter. Abigail Alice Sullivan. I wished, as she stared up at me with wide eyes every morning, that I knew where her dark hair had come from.

Castiel visited soon after we settled in, telling me that he was incredibly happy that I'd found my way back. He mentioned names that slid away from my recall as soon as they passed his lips, which should have bothered me, but didn't. I was home, a new home certainly, but home nonetheless.

I was picking up Abigail from day care, something I insisted on, much to my parents' chagrin, but she needed to socialize with other little ones, when I quite literally bumped into a man so charming and handsome I nearly fell over.

Agent Harvey Russell. He introduced himself with a smile and taking in his dark hair, the suit hell even the gun and belt buckle. I found myself licking my lips. And feeling slightly underdressed, I thought, regarding my 'work' clothes. A pair of skinny jeans, slightly more filled out than before the birth of my little one, a black tank top with a loose flannel shirt, paired with ballet flats and my auburn hair in a loose knot on top of my head, my ever present glasses perched on my nose. I saw him taking a slow route with his eyes, from my toes to my hair, and fought the urge to squirm.

"Dinner?" I took a moment to blink, trying to decide if he was asking where was a good place to go, or- "Miss Sullivan, would you like to go to dinner with me?"

"Oh," I felt my breath leave me. A date? Wow. "Um-" Another flick of my tongue against my lower lip and I saw his eyes zero in on the movement. Shit. "Sure." Wait, did I just-

His smile teased hidden dimples to come out to play, and coupled with the stubble on his face, the twinkle in his eyes, I knew I was done for. "Great, let me get your number."

We exchanged numbers and then I had excused myself to go further into the building to pick up Abi, and his smile grew. "A little one?" I found my own smile coming out fully. "May I?" He came with me, smiling at the kids playing, including my rather solemn looking little one. She'd begun to toddle around after we'd gotten settled, but she looked so uncomfortable among her peers that my heart twisted.

"Abi," I held out my arms and she opened hers up. Her weight was still so slight, but according to her pediatrician she was perfect in every way. "Abigail, can you say hello to mommy's new friend?"

I turned her to face Harvey and watched as he charmed my little girl as easily as he had me.

My parents were happy to keep Abigail for the night of our third date. The first date had been at my house, easier to deal with than actually going out and Harvey had seemed happy that I'd welcome him into our home so quickly. He even, after I asked nicely, left his weapon in his car.

The second date was the movies, a cartoon so Abi could come with, and I could swear that he'd had just as much fun as she did. And now, after two dates, so many nightly and daily phone calls, not to mention texts, emails, and every other manner of communication in between, I planned on letting him spend the night.

Dinner first, after we dropped Abi off at Mom and Dad's, my parents shot me a strange look when they were introduced to him. Then we went to a quiet Italian place, one glass of wine each, and then a short walk through one of the scenic parks. I felt the stirring of butterflies, something I couldn't remember feeling last, though I had to think that I'd had something similar with Abi's dad, surely. Our fingers linked, hips bumping together, and sneaking looks and the occasional kiss.

At my house, the door had barely closed behind us, when he was pulling me into his arms. His mouth found mine and there was no hint of the brushed lip kisses that we'd shared before. Mouths hungrier than we'd been for dinner, I was pulling off his jacket, and he was tugging up my sweater.

Our clothes fell where we stood, and we couldn't move past the foyer, not yet. Harvey's hands curved over my hips, and then my legs were around his back, and my back met the wall. It felt natural and right. Tasting one another, letting him slide deep inside of me, and then like we were made for one another, pulling every moan and whimper as we came together for the very first time.

I woke up with my head on his chest, his heart pounding steadily under my cheek. Harvey's arm around my back, and his face pressed into the top of my head. I wanted to feel like this every single morning. His heat, his heartbeat, all of it.

And as though he could hear my thoughts, he had me on my back and his lips on mine as he showed me how much he wanted me too.

By the time you can read this for yourself, or even understand the words as they're read to you, I will be just a photograph that your grandma and grandpa point to while telling you stories about me. And that cuts deeper than any pain that I'll ever feel or have felt.

I wish that I could watch you grow. I want to be there when you take your first step and say your first word. I want to hear you when you read your first story out loud. And I want to know what passion will make you want to learn as much about as I did mine.

The greatest sorrow I have is that you won't know me, or your daddy. You'll have questions, you are my child after all, but please know that I didn't make the choice lightly. You were created with love, misguided perhaps, but love was there. Your daddy is a great hunter, a man filled with passion and strength, and a man that has his own life to live.