Cinder Fall was everything to Emerald.

She was cool. Composed. Effortlessly took control of a room, bossed everyone around, and just always had the upper hand. An adult.

When Emerald's body started changing out of her control, when she was terrified that the Darkness was turning on her, discovering that she didn't belong, Ms. Fall had been the one to sit her down and explain that this was normal. She was normal. That her sisters would experience the same thing soon enough and that… that she was just going through it earlier. A sign that she was becoming an adult. That it was a good thing.

It meant the world to her. It was the first time she'd ever heard Ms. Fall be compassionate, and it was a dearly cherished memory.

But how did she reconcile that with… with what she knew about herself now, with what Ms. Fall had been hiding from her? Surely, she knew about her secret fears and uncertainties—Ms. Fall knew everything—so how had she missed this?

There needed to be answers. All her life, Emerald had been avoiding asking the questions that burned in the back of her mind, the questions of who she really was—as a "fake," as a woman, as everything she was—and she wasn't going to let it burn in silence any longer. She had to track down Ms. Fall.

It wasn't hard to find her. Outside of meetings and meals, she mostly kept to the small office she kept in her quarters. And while Ms. Fall was an extremely careful woman, Emerald wasn't human. There weren't many she couldn't sneak up on.

"Ms. Fall," she said, calmly announcing her presence.

"Hmmm?" was her only response, not even looking up from her paperwork. "Oh, Emerald? I don't recall asking for-"

"We have to talk."

That got her attention. Ms. Fall's eyes shot up in surprise, but also… she couldn't hide the resignation on her face. The sense of "So, it's finally happening." What, exactly, she was expecting, Emerald couldn't tell, but that she knew, it- it…

It made her mad.

Years upon years of quiet adoration and dutiful attention had papered over a quiet rage that Emerald had always felt within her. A quaking frustration at herself that she couldn't just be normal, vented outwards at everyone else around her. Her jealousy that Pyrrha was able to just rage while Emerald had to keep herself composed and orderly. And a quiet, seething fury that, for all the orders she took, nobody could just tell her what to do to fix her!

"Ms. Fall," she began, trying to recollect if she had a speech prepared for this. She'd been thinking about this for days, ever since the party, trying to picture how this would go down. Hearing from Coco and Velvet and Qrow and Clover, hearing how they said it, imagining herself in their shoes. But it gave her no clarity here. None of them were raised to be an instrument of royal vengeance and dark justice. And so she had only one thing to say.

"I'm gay."

"Oh."

That was it. And, at once, there were two Emeralds. One who realized that what she had just done, for the very first time, out loud, had said exactly what she meant. No hedges. No uncertainty. I. Am. Gay. And it felt like the opening of a door, a rush of cool air into a stuffy room, her lungs breathing for the first time as she finally opened up, the weight unbound, the light streaming in and she was herself.

But there was another Emerald. An Emerald who knew that what she felt in this moment… it wasn't there in Cinder Fall's face. She had bared her soul to her mentor, the person who, outside of her family, meant the most to her and it had just been "Oh."

It wasn't dismay or shock or disappointment or even the neutrality of accepting a fact to be recorded and stored for later use. Emerald was a master of reading faces and she could see, plainly written before her eyes, the guilt.

"You knew, didn't you?"

And Cinder just stared at her, silently, struggling to comprehend that Emerald, loyal, dutiful Emerald, had challenged her.

"Why didn't you tell me."

It wasn't a question. Questions had answers. Emerald's statement was just a truth of her self. The confusion, the betrayal, the hurt inside, expressed outwards. She didn't give Cinder time to answer. Not that she had an answer.

"You could have helped me. Could have given me guidance. Could have just- could have just told me that I wasn't a freak! Do you- do you know what it was like? Growing up and feeling that there was something wrong with me? That I just wasn't normal like Pyrrha or Blake, that there was something broken inside me that made me just- just wrong?"

Cinder could no longer hold Emerald's accusatory gaze, her eyes dropping downward. "I… I never," suddenly her eyes shot upwards and Emerald almost staggered backwards, seeing her mentor for the first time ever without a carefully composed face, but one with eyes wild in panic and remorse, "Please! Emerald, I just didn't know how to… I'm not… I'm not good at… matters like this."

But surprise quickly gave way to fury. "When you first came to Mother's service, do you remember why I came to you?"

"You had…" her voice dutifully answered, even as she clearly did not wish to, "you had just experienced menarche and were frightened because your body was changing on account of puberty."

"I was scared," she hissed back, "And you told me it was going to be alright. That I. Was. Normal. That I was going to be alright, that my sisters would experience it soon enough, too, that I had nothing to worry about. You listened to me and held my hand, that was the woman I was loyal to! You can't tell me you're 'not good at this' when that has always been why I've followed you!"

She could taste Cinder's fear, but she didn't want fear, she wanted- wanted… Emerald didn't know what she wanted. This had become so much more than just one thing, an entire lifetime of her service, her identity now in question, but all her pain and anguish and fury and hate poured out in a desperate need to just purge all of this from her!

"Cinder!" she cried out, using her name like a weapon, "Are you a good person?"

No answer.

How many lectures, how much training had she endured to be "above morality?" To do what needed to be done without question or remorse, but in all that time... Emerald had always had faith that it was the right thing to do. That even if Mother was cruel and and mean and frightening, she could still trust Jaune and Cinder. That she would still be okay so long as she stayed with them.

"Answer me!"

"No..." she finally answered, her voice low and haunted. "No. I'm not."

"Then… then..." Emerald wasn't sure what to say next. What to do other than to vent her rage and pain through her words? "Then why? Why did you… I just… I just want to understand why?"

Cinder's eyes were dull, dead orbs, unable to express any emotion other than her deep exhaustion. "You need to know… that I'm a coward."

Of all the answers Emerald had prepared herself for, she hadn't been expecting that. It was so surprising, so out of left field, that a flicker in the back of her mind worried that it was a lie, a deflection, but… Cinder would never admit a fault like that. And she was a phenomenal actor and liar, but Emerald knew the bone-deep weariness she saw on Cinder's face wasn't faked. The pain was real.

Still. Even if Cinder wasn't lying, Emerald didn't know how to believe it. "You… you can't be, that can't be it."

She gave a harsh laugh. "I'd like to believe that. But I know… I know that I'm a coward. I have always… thought in terms of what would keep me alive. How to stay on top of the danger, and so… I thought of morality as a distraction. A luxury."

"You taught me that. That can't be it!"

Emerald knew her questions were causing pain to her mentor, but she knew she had to push forward, that she had to make her give her the truth.

Cinder merely looked back at her. "Because that thinking taught me that everything I did was just a way to survive. That I was… right to do it. And when I started to see that that wasn't the case… I couldn't stop. I'd gone so far, and I didn't have the courage to do the right thing."

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"Emerald..." she said, her voice pleading, but finding no mercy in her protégée's face, "I thought… at first, I thought you merely had a crush on me, and I didn't-"

Emerald reeled at that, that she would presume...

Oh.

Her mouth felt suddenly dry. She had always thought of her identity in terms of whether or not she liked Jaune, never in terms of who she might actually like, and Cinder… oh, hell, she had been… ohhh this was a realization. This was another realization.

Cinder just shook her head. "That… doesn't excuse anything, but I thought it would be an awkward conversation I wanted to avoid. But then… then I..." her voice grew choked and strangled, "I didn't want to talk to you about love, because I… how could I talk to you about feelings? About caring for someone? I couldn't… I could never..."

But as she continued her explanation, Emerald realized something else this meant. Something else quiet and painful.

"You were never going to marry him, were you?"

"...No."

"You don't even like Jaune."

Her eyes suddenly got wide at the implication. "Emerald, it's not- it's…" Then they dimmed once more. "No. Not like that."

The tears started to well up in Emerald's eyes and there was nothing she could do, not with her powers, not with her training, to make them stop.

"So, what, was lying to me about it all just a big joke? A way to keep dumb, excitable Emerald loyal to you? Or did you just like knowing that-"

"Emerald, please!"

Emerald didn't want to give her an inch, to even allow Cinder a chance to defend herself, but she had to. She had to.

Because Cinder was crying.

"I never… I didn't..."

It felt like Emerald was looking at Cinder for the first time in her life. Was this… was this the same woman Emerald had devoted so much of herself to? She seemed so… so frail. Emerald and her sisters were capable of tearing apart an entire army between them, and Cinder… she looked weak.

But rather than moving her to contempt, as no less than Cinder had trained her to do, Emerald felt pity. Cinder was… not the imperious Ms. Fall, who knew everything and had everything figured out. She was lost, too. Just like Emerald.

Emerald looked down, a welling sorrow in her breast. "I… Ma'am, I'm sor-"

"No." Cinder cut her off, "You have nothing to be sorry for. When you were… when I first met you, I thought… I thought I knew how the world worked. That I was strong enough to face it, to become… cynical. Cruel. That I had to teach you..."

But she stopped, looking away. When she raised her eyes back to Emerald's gaze, she could see something hollow and broken inside them. Something that had long since broken inside her. "No… I'm lying to you again," she laughed, barely more than a rasping whisper, "I told myself I was stronger and making you stronger, but you were right… I saw you as a tool. Your loyalty would ensure my survival, and I told myself… that was the only thing that mattered."

"What changed."

"Jaune," she answered and chuckled, darkly, at Emerald's surprise, "I don't… love him, not in the way you thought I did, but I… I respect him. More than anyone else I've ever met. I had thought I had seen the worst of the world, had seen the harsh truth. My village burned when I was a child, I watched my parents die before my eyes, and I told myself… I had just finally seen the truth that everyone was trying to hide from. That the world is cruel, life is meaningless, and all that matters is power, but Jaune..." she blinked away a tear, "when I first met him, it was to pull him out of that wretched pit the Queen created for him. He was half-mad, his teeth chattering in fear, a level of fear that made me afraid that I'd been tasked to raise a madman, but… the four of you, you pulled him back. He'd seen… he'd seen what that- that witch," she snarled, a fury towards Mother that made Emerald recoil in shock, to hear such disobedience so bluntly stated, "had put him through, and yet… he didn't see the... what I thought was the truth. Once he came back to his senses, he… he asked about you. To make sure you were… doing better. And that's when I began to realize the real truth—I saw the horrors of the world and I- I broke," a choked sob emerged from her mentor, as Cinder leaned forward, her body overtaxed by the ordeal. "But not everyone breaks. Not everyone..."

Without thinking, Emerald wrapped her arms around Cinder.

"You're not broken," she whispered, "Jaune- Jaune tells us all the time, we're not broken."

"I know you're not," she said, wiping a tear from her eye, "You are strong, Emerald, stronger than you even realize."

"I'm not strong, I-"

"Strong enough to confront me for everything I put you through." Emerald was silent at that. "You have faced the legacy of a god, have seen the heart of all the world's evil and you… the five of you, you're not like Salem, you're not like… like me."

Emerald just held her tighter.

Her head resting on Emerald's shoulder, Cinder continued, quietly, whispering into her student's ear. "You are kind. You support those you care about. You would do anything to keep your siblings safe, and you wouldn't even think twice to sacrifice yourself if that would save the rest of you, and I- I can't- I can't imagine having that kind of courage. I have used you and manipulated you for as long as I've known you, and you… you're comforting me as I tell you this."

"I- I'm not-" she protested, the compliments more painful than any rejection, "I'm so scared, all the time, and I never know if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm just making everything worse, and-"

"Emerald, you're… a better woman than I am," Cinder told her, "You're incredibly talented, you've done so much for your family, and… you just have to realize that. If you could see the brilliant young woman I see right now… you would never doubt yourself again."

There was no response she had for this. So, silently, she just held her mentor closer in her embrace. They had… they had been through so much together. She'd learned so much from Cinder. And… Emerald had… Emerald had taught her so much as well.

She didn't know what this meant for the future. Cinder was still Mother's majordomo and still the coordinator of so many plans they had for the world of Remnant, but… Emerald felt alright. Even if the power structure had changed, she felt okay. Okay with herself and with Cinder. Emerald felt strong, for the first time in years, truly strong, and she had a feeling what she had to do now.

Who was she?

That question had surrounded Emerald for her entire life, and now… for the first time ever, she finally felt like she might be able to figure it out. But as much as she'd done, as accomplished as she felt—Cinder finally saw her as an equal!—there was more to be done. And what was left… even coming off the most cathartic and healing moment of her life, it filled her with dread.

She had to face Jaune.

She could work her way up. Tell Blake. Tell Weiss. Tell… Pyrrha. But no, she knew she'd just be putting off what was the inevitable.

For all her life, for as far back as she could remember, Emerald had felt, deep in the core of her being, deep within her soul, beneath even the Darkness that pulsed in all of them, she felt a deep and abiding love for her brother. They all did. He was their protector. He was the one who won them food and shoes and beds, and he bore Mother's anger when they got in trouble. He was everything to them. To all of them.

But Emerald soon realized that what she felt for Jaune wasn't what her sisters felt. Pyrrha and Blake, they felt something hidden beneath the skin, something they didn't let show. Blake hid it better than Pyrrha, but it didn't take long for Emerald to realize that a fire burned deep inside the both of them. A fire Emerald didn't feel at all.

She had felt she was wrong in some way—she always felt she was wrong in some way, so this was just more proof that she didn't belong here. She tried to find a substitution, to present Cinder to her brother as an alternative option. That way, she could still fulfill that duty she felt to him through her mentor, even if she could never feel it herself. Or… she shapeshifted. Wore the shape of Pyrrha or Blake or Cinder and tried to make herself think like them.

At the time, she feared that she was like Weiss, that something had broken inside of her, something that failed to grow and develop, smothered in the Darkness in her soul. But now she knew… she knew, and Cinder had confirmed it… that there was nothing wrong with her and how she felt for Jaune.

So why was she still so frightened to tell him?

Wandering through the halls of Beacon, Emerald felt the eyes of the school upon her, but, unlike previous days, there was no mockery or spite. Word of the party, of their joint mission, or just Jaune practicing with Yang in the sparring room had made them a much more normal feature, even if they were extraordinary visitors. But she'd wandered enough. It was time to head back to their quarters. It was time to find Jaune.

It wasn't hard to find Qrow. He was with Amber and Clover and Mrs. Rose at the security station, discussing something about a riot that had happened during Jaune's speech—Clover sounded like he thought Roman Torchwick had been an agent provocateur, but Emerald didn't think that Roman would do anything to hurt Jaune. Not after what Emerald had done to get his hat. She knew she had impressed the importance of fear upon the thief. And Emerald knew well that Jaune hadn't wanted anyone killed, so, rationally, it would have to be something outside of them. But either way, they didn't seem that busy as she knocked on the door.

Amber opened it, a genuine smile crossing her face to see her.

"Oh, hey guys," she called back to the room, "Emerald's here!"

They waved, and Emerald hated how nice it felt to enter a room where everyone liked her.

"I… I need to speak with my brother. About… a thing."

Mrs. Rose was about to ask what she meant, but Qrow cut her off. "He's in your room, I think he's with Pyrrha right now, but…" he ran his eyes down an itinerary in front of him. "I think her and Weiss are going to be doing something in a bit, so you can have the room to yourself pretty easily."

"Thanks," she mumbled, as she turned away.

"Oh, hey," she heard Qrow's voice behind her, making her glance back to his gruff, smiling face. "You've got this. You're braver than you think you are, and you'll do just fine."

Blinking back a tear, she nodded to the smiling faces of who she'd been trained for most of her life to know as her greatest enemies. But she couldn't break down, not now. She needed to be strong. So she choked out another, "Thanks," and headed to their room, where she could see Pyrrha and Weiss already leaving.

"Oh, hey Emerald," Pyrrha said with a smile, "you..." her voice trailed off, seeing the state Emerald was in. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she whispered, "I just… I have to talk to Jaune."

Pyrrha nodded. It didn't require explanation—the four of them all had mood swings and moments of depression, points where the Darkness guided them to their brother for comfort and healing. She quietly shuffled Weiss away as Emerald steadied her nerves and opened the door.

Jaune was inside. Reading through a thick binder that Blake had surely prepared for him about the reception to his speech. She knew that was important, and she hated to interrupt, but… but this couldn't wait. Emerald had to put herself first here. She'd faced Cinder. She couldn't back down now.

Glancing up from his book, Jaune caught sight of her and smiled. How strange it was that so many people in her life would smile just to see her, and yet Emerald never believed that it was sincere? "Oh, hey, Em! What's up?" he asked, cheerfully.

"I… I have something I have to tell you."

Jaune heard the seriousness, the anxiety in her voice and dropped his mood appropriately. "Whatever it is," he said, "you can tell me."

She could feel the blush on her face and the weakness in her legs. The nervousness tracing through her, but at the same time, she knew there were people counting on her. People believing in her. People like Qrow and Amber and Coco and Velvet and Cinder and she could do this.

"Jaune," she said, her voice purposeful, her eyes locked on his, "I'm gay."

There was only a moment of silence as Jaune processed what she meant, but then… a slow smile crept across his face, Jaune's smile, and Emerald's heart leapt in her chest as her brother got up from his chair and pulled her into a hug.

"I… don't know what that means, but I know it's something important to you. So… whatever it is, I'm on your side, Emerald. Always."

Emerald almost had to laugh. Of course he didn't know—she didn't even know, and she was gay! But... but she heard in his voice that he was telling the truth. He was on her side. She was safe here. All the roiling anxieties in her breast seemed to still, the Darkness inside her pulsing with the warmth of familial love.

"It means… it means I like girls. The way most girls like boys, and I," she swallowed, nervously, "And I don't want to hide it anymore."

"Okay," he said, still processing her words, "but… you're still you, right? Still my sister and-"

"Yes! I'm… I'm your sister. Still. And forever. I just… like girls instead of guys."

Ever since they were children, Jaune had been where Emerald felt safe. Safe from Mother, safe from anything that might seek to harm her. But with this, as frightened as she was, she had been even more frightened to tell Jaune. And so she had no truly safe place until now, until she finally could speak herself to him and be accepted. As she held him tightly, she couldn't shake the words she had just said. I'm your sister.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Emerald!" he laughed, "Thank you for telling me—I'm proud of you. I don't… I really don't know what to say?"

"You don't… you're okay with this? Please, tell me if-"

He hugged her tighter. "Of course I'm okay with this. I'm… I'm happy for you Emerald—I can't imagine it was easy for you to tell me, and… I'm just glad you did."

Feeling her tears spring up in her eyes, she did nothing to hold them back. A flood of relief poured down her face as she could finally feel that it was normal. That she was accepted and that she was loved.

"Why… why were you so worried to tell me?" he asked.

It had been hanging over her head for so long now, and yet, no answer seemed to come to mind. "Because… I felt that I wasn't… normal. Because I didn't like you the way Blake and Pyrrha like you." She heard him murmur something in surprise at that, but Emerald was on a roll right now and wasn't about to stop. "And I do like you! I care about you so much, but… not like that. Not like, I want to kiss you or anything. I like girls like that, but that's okay, because… I'm rambling now, aren't I?"

He gave her a weak smile. "It's okay, but, ummm, Emerald?" Jaune asked, "About that… um, other thing you told me… could you ask Pyrrha and Blake to speak with me? Privately?"

Emerald felt liberated, like a weight had been lifted off her chest after years of struggling with it, but Jaune's words… they made her feel like something very big was about to happen.

And Emerald wasn't sure where it would lead.

Thanks to Renarde and Danish for feedback on this chapter!

Missed Pride Month by exactly 1 day for this chapter! But Emerald coming into her own identity and confronting Cinder is really a major turning point of this story. Things have been going well for the claimed, internally, if not externally, but healing and change doesn't come easily and there's a big test of that coming right up. And an important aspect of this chapter is that Jaune is sheltered as all hell and about to confront relationship drama head on that none of them are equipped to see out in the open.

And I'm really excited to have hit 350 faves and 50k views! And, with this chapter, it's now my longest fic! It's quite a milestone, and I appreciate all my readers for bringing me there.