There was no watch rotation tonight. They, being all of the members who hadn't been injured by the dragon, had agreed it was extremely unlikely someone would ambush them. They'd killed every cultist they'd come across, every dragon, and they were in such a remote location they should be safe from anyone, darkspawn included.

Elissa was awake anyway. She couldn't sleep, partially due to the fact she was still hyped from their fight and subsequent victory, and partially due to bad dreams. She had tried twice already, but she couldn't stop dreaming of her parents, of her family, of finding little Oren in Oriana's dead arms. It shook her to her core, bothered her in a way she didn't even know was possible. Her stomach churned at the very thought.

Elissa swallowed, but her throat didn't cooperate. It got stuck, so she just sat there with her air stuck and her thoughts.

She should've been able to save them like she did with Wynne today. She should've been able to. She was a mage, and all it took was enough fear and panic and pressure and suddenly, she had some sort of ward up between the two of them and that thing's flames. If she could do that, then why couldn't she save her parents? Why couldn't she heal her father, or make her mother see reason? Why did they have to die?

Why did she have to stay here without them?

Elissa hadn't felt this alone in a long time. No one truly knew what was going on with her. Morrigan knew about the spirit, but she didn't know about this weird feeling of bitter hatred and loneliness she felt at the thought of her family. No one else knew about the spirit, and not even Aedan truly understood what she thought of their parents.

She wished it was Fergus here, and not herself. He would be a better Grey Warden than she would. He would know what to do. He would be strong. He and Aedan could stop a Blight. What could she do?

Elissa just sighed, swallowing past the lump in her throat, and ran her hands through her hair. It was loose for once, hanging lamely over the shoulder her braid usually sat on. It was getting long—too long to go into battle with, but Elissa couldn't bring herself to cut it. When she tried, she heard her mother's voice, filled with relief, that Elissa was a girl, and not just another boy. Her mother had always been happy to brush through Elissa's hair. She'd always said it was nice, thick and easily tamed, whereas Aedan's had been an unruly mess when they were children. Cutting her hair had always been a pleasant time, and Aedan's had always been a pain.

She could remember the last time her mother cut her hair. They'd talked about potential suitors, husbands Elissa could marry that her parents trusted to not rat her out to the Chantry. Elissa had just sulked in the chair, pouting like a petulant child instead of appreciating her mother's presence, and her mother had just stood there, taking Elissa's rude comments with a sad smile on her face.

Elissa used to think she was sad because she was a mage. Now she understood it was because of the way she acted, the unnecessary anger and hatred she directed at them that they just accepted because it would be easier than trying to explain their reasoning.

And now her mother and father were gone, and she would never be able to apologize, or tell them she understood, or that she forgave them, or that she appreciated the effort they put into raising her. Instead, all they got from their daughter was an ungrateful, spiteful human being, and knowing she was such a disgusting person made Elissa's stomach twist again.

She sniffled and felt tears rolling down her cheeks. When had she started crying?

Angrily, Elissa wiped them away. Crying wasn't a weakness she could afford right now. If Aedan didn't cry in front of the others, let alone her, she wouldn't do it, even when she was certain she was alone. She would be strong, if only for him. She would be strong for herself, for her parents. It was the least she could do—make it long enough she could enact the revenge their father had so clearly wanted from them.

Aedan had only meant it in jest, but how ironically poetic would it be if she killed Howe with their family sword? How perfect would it be, for her and her brother, and for Howe, knowing he died at their hands, at the blade of the very same family he sought to destroy? Even if it killed her, Elissa knew she would be the one to end that man.

Maybe it was selfish, but she knew Aedan hadn't lost as much as she had when they'd died. He'd lost his loving parents, but Elissa had lost so many opportunities to make everything right, to try and make it up to them.

She felt like it was her responsibility to right that wrong, along with all the others that had been committed in the last few months. She owed her and her brother's life to Duncan, and there was no appreciation from her. He died because of Loghain's betrayal. He died because of some man who was supposed to win the day for them, but he abandoned their army and their plan, and now Ferelden was falling apart.

She'd kill him, too. Loghain, Howe, anyone who committed any wrongs, and Elissa would make sure her sword was the last thing they saw before they died.

"Can't sleep?"

Leliana's voice drew Elissa out of her thoughts. The bard was lying with her back to Elissa, but she'd known Elissa was awake. How many sleepless nights had they spent talking together? How many times did Elissa drag herself out of her tent at night to take someone else's watch, just so she could talk to this bard, this Orlesian?

"Nothing new there," Elissa said softly.

She rolled over slowly, being careful with her arm, and fixated her eyes on Elissa's. They were so clear, so pale that they reminded Elissa of ice, but they were the warmest eyes she'd ever seen.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Leliana asked.

She shook her head. "I doubt you want to hear me complain."

"You might be surprised."

Leliana was tired. That much was obvious. She had bags under her eyes, but she looked as alert as ever. It spoke volumes about who she was as a person. It was likely Leliana never truly slept or rested, and instead, was constantly ready for someone to stab her in the back.

That just made Elissa sadder.

"I don't think I'm ready to," Elissa admitted.

Leliana sat up now, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Is it about your family?" One nod was enough, so she said, "That's all right. We can just sit if you'd like."

Normally, Elissa would be grateful for the peace, but she found herself craving Leliana's voice. She didn't want to think, and listening would distract her from her thoughts. Plus, it helped that Leliana's voice was so...

Elissa gulped and forced that train of thought elsewhere. "What was your mother like?"

Leliana's eyebrows went up. She was always so expressive, so...open with her emotions. If she was annoyed, it was an eye roll, serious or not. If she was happy, she was quick to smile, and if she was amused, she would never miss out on a laugh. It was so refreshing.

"My mother?" Leliana seemed surprised at the question, but she didn't hesitate to talk. "I told you she was Fereldan, yes?" Elissa nodded and leaned forward, resting her chin in the palms of her hands. "Oh, I don't know. I can't remember much."

"You don't have—"

Leliana cut her off. "There is this flower. I remember it so clearly. She would keep them in her wardrobe so her dresses would smell like them. It was so beautiful, so sweet. Whenever I find one of them, it reminds me of her." She smiled, and it almost looked sad, but she perked back up immediately. "When I was in Lothering, I would pick them and put them in my hair, in this little braid." She twirled her finger through the thin strand of hair, and added, "The flowers stopped blooming around the time King Cailan and his army passed through. It was almost like they knew the Blight was coming."

"What kind of flower are they?"

"Andraste's Grace. They're white with red centers." She sighed wistfully. "I suppose it'll be difficult to find them now. The darkspawn are spreading so far and they kill everything in their path."

"We can keep an eye out," Elissa said quickly. "I know they bloom around Highever. I've seen them before."

This time, only one eyebrow went up, and the corner of Leliana's mouth quirked up in a smile. "It's just a silly flower, Elissa."

"It's not silly."

Leliana stifled a small laugh, shaking her head. "Well, if you are so determined, who am I to stop you?"

"Most girls dream of being the one a knight brings a flower."

"Oh?"

Fuck me.

Elissa slapped herself mentally, but it was too late now. The words were out of her mouth, she could feel the blush spreading across her cheeks, and Leliana was very, very obviously biting back a smile.

"I thought you said you weren't a knight?" Leliana asked innocently.

"I'm not," Elissa retorted.

"But that's not what you just said."

She huffed, suddenly defensive, and said, "All I meant was pretty girls usually like flowers."

"I'm pretty now?"

STOP TALKING, YOU IDIOT.

"N-no," Elissa stammered. "I-I mean...yes, but that's not...what I was talking about, specifically... A-all I meant w-was...uh..."

She snapped her mouth shut, but she had Leliana's undivided attention now, and she wanted to jump straight off this mountain.

"Go on," Leliana urged.

Elissa laughed awkwardly, forcing her eyes elsewhere. "I'd rather not say something I might regret."

"I think you've already done that."

She laughed again, more strained this time. "Was it that obvious?"

"Just a bit," Leliana said, giggling.

Elissa wanted to crawl into a hole and die, but luckily, she didn't have to. There was some rustling in one of the tents and Alistair eventually emerged, looking rather disheveled and entirely unhappy with being awake.

He sat next to Leliana, who looked about as unhappy as Alistair at his appearance. Elissa had to stifle a laugh.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked, looking between the two of them.

Elissa quickly said, "No, we're just talking."

"Anything important?" he asked, helping himself to the remainder of their meager supper.

"Yes," Leliana said, just as quickly as Elissa had been a moment before.

"It's actually not a big deal," Elissa said. "It can wait."

Alistair looked at Elissa first, fork still in his mouth, and then to Leliana, and back to Elissa again. Very, very slowly he swallowed the stew, and then sighed. "So...I think I'm going to leave you to it..."

"No!" Elissa exclaimed, jumping to her feet even as her fellow Warden stood. He frowned, again looking to Leliana. "No, uh... I was, uh..."

One eyebrow. "You were what, Elissa?"

She shot the bard a dirty look and Leliana looked at her feet, very clearly struggling to stifle a smirk.

"This is really awkward," Alistair said, "and I'm very confused, so I'm going to...walk over there."

"No, you're hurt," Elissa retorted. "You should stay by the fire where it's warm with Leliana. Getting a cold wouldn't be good for either of you right now."

"I suppose," was Alistair's quiet response, but he sounded more confused than agreeable, and he returned to his seat. For several painful minutes, Elissa stood, watching Alistair eat because it was the only place she could comfortably look without Leliana being involved. She was still blushing, and it didn't help that Leliana's eyes were seemingly locked on Elissa.

Alistair just kept looking between them, eyebrows furrowed, and he said, "What were you talking about?"

By the grace of the Maker, Leliana didn't say something inappropriate. "We were talking about my mother. I was telling her about these flowers my mother would dry and hang her clothes with, and Elissa had just reminded me of you picking roses. We both figured you wouldn't mind keeping an eye out for them, would you?"

What is she going on about?

"I...I guess not?"

Elissa's eyes narrowed suspiciously. The tone of Leliana's voice, it sounded like she was trying extremely hard to be sweet, like she was begging Alistair to agree.

"What kind of—"

"It's all right, Alistair," Elissa interrupted. "Leliana just doesn't think I'm good with that kind of stuff."

"With...picking flowers?"

"The ones that smell good," she elaborated.

He was being very deliberate with his eating, but as soon as he swallowed, he said, "You're having me on, aren't you?"

"No!" Elissa repeated.

Leliana sighed rather dramatically and said, "There's no point in lying about it, Elissa. Alistair's seen through your joke."

"My joke?"

Alistair set his bowl down beside the fire and got up again. "I'm sorry, but I'm very, very confused, and I'd rather not come between...whatever you two are fighting about, so I'll just...go back to bed."

With that, he returned to his tent, muttering something about women being strange.

Once the camp had quieted down again, Leliana broke out in a fit of giggles, and Elissa just stared at her, lost and totally unamused. She had barely followed that conversation since Alistair joined it, and while Leliana seemed to think it was hilarious, Elissa did not.

"Did you just—"

"I had to prove something," Leliana said dismissively, waving a hand.

Elissa looked at her suspiciously. "And did you?"

She nodded.

"You're impossible."

Leliana's grin was broad. "On the contrary, dear Warden—" She stood as well, brushing off her pants. "—you would be the one that is impossible."

And with that, Leliana left Elissa sitting by the fire, wondering what game she had just unwittingly become part of.