16
Tilly.
She had more than enough of the Argonian children. Anyone would think they'd never seen a Dunmer before. It was possible they hadn't? But she wasn't some freak for them to poke with those ridiculous little spears. She had managed to find a quiet spot, away from everyone, under a squat tree with wide overhanging branches that hid her from the rest of the village.
She needed time to think.
Now, leaning back against the tree, she laid the walking stick beside her and closed her eyes, breathing the humid air that smelled only a little bit less like rotting turnips than it had in the more watery region they had arrived in.
She didn't remember anything from the last two weeks, except for that dream. The last thing she remembered was the Kotu Gava hovering behind Itagaki, its distended body swelling before it launched its larvae at the Redguard. She remembered pushing her one-night lover out of the way and then everything had only been pain. Pain and screams, her own screams, followed by deep blackness. Until the dream.
She reached in to her pocket, pulling out the lovers charm necklace, opening her eyes and dangling it before her. The charm turned this way and that before settling with the side with the two hearts facing her.
She had carved it so well, so beautiful. Revna had talent as a woodworker, that was certain if she ever wanted to stop caving in the heads of trolls with those ridiculous, big weapons of hers. Revna! Ha! She'd even started calling the big oaf by her name now! Still, she did appreciate the gift even if she wasn't sure what she would do with it.
The dream, however, had disturbed her. Before the Kotu Gava attack, she would have given half of the charm to Itagaki without hesitation. Whether the Redguard would have accepted it or not was beside the point. She was ready to take that chance with her. To take a step she hadn't even considered with anyone else. Not even ...
She twisted the leather string, making the charm turn once again, watching the colours change as the light hit it different each time it turned. A beautiful gift for a beautiful woman. The charm and Itagaki would compliment each other so well. She could imagine the charm hanging between the sun-kissed breasts of the Redguard. Imagine their real hearts coming together as one.
The dream. It had brought back memories that she had hidden deep inside her mind. Memories that had stopped disturbing her long ago and now were once again running continuous through her mind. Unremitting.
The Breton Tilly had not been the last person she had betrayed, but she had been the closest. The first person she had ever loved, or, at least, thought she had loved. Yet, she had betrayed her Breton lover in a heartbeat to save her own skin and for gold. And the dream of the Breton telling her she would betray those she was now bound to?
Would she? Could she? What made the feelings she had for the Redguard any different from those she had with the Breton?
She gathered the string of the necklace, turning her wrist several times to entwine it around her fingers, and then replaced it into her pocket. She would not give the charm to Itagaki. If she couldn't stop her baser nature, if she did betray them all as her dream foretold, she would not do it by breaking the heart of the woman she loved. Not again. Better to break a heart for a noble reason than due to betrayal. She'd rather people hated her for doing the right thing than for any other reason.
It was pure coincidence that she now saw Itagaki walking towards her, the sunlight emphasising her staggering beauty. Her silky black hair shining in the light. Her determined, precise strides closing the distance between them like a metronome, timed with perfection.
Tilly pushed herself up from the trunk of the tree, collecting the walking stick as she rose. With increasing steadiness, she limped forward to greet the Redguard.
"You are looking well." It was the simplest way to begin the conversation.
"The worst is over, I expect." They looked at each other, both lapsing into an awkward silence. It was clear Itagaki wanted to talk about more than her health. Tilly gave her the time to start that it was clear she needed.
"Before ... before we were attacked. You said we needed to talk." Itagaki wasn't one for embarrassment, and this was the closest she would most like ever come to it. "I was not ready to listen to you then, but I am ready now. Say what you wished to say, ask your questions and I will listen."
Tilly's hand, without thinking, slipped into her pocket, toying with the charm as she looked upon the most beautiful woman she had ever met. Those big, dark eyes surrounded by flawless white, looked into her own, hoping, urging Tilly to say what Itagaki wanted to hear. Tilly took her hand out of her pocket and it joined her other hand on the walking stick.
"It was nothing. Just some nonsense." Tilly's eyes dipped to the ground, avoiding Itagaki's own. "Pay it no mind."
She began to walk around Itagaki, the movement awkward due to the walking stick. Itagaki's eyes moved, never stopping, trying to work out what had happened. She grabbed Tilly's arm and moved in front of her.
"Pay it no mind?" The Redguard seemed confused. "You chase me, flirt outrageously with me, make love with me and then save my life and I am to 'pay it no mind'? Is this a game to you? I am not a foolish child. I thought you did not truly care for me until you jumped between me and that creature. I was wrong. I see it now. But now I should 'pay it no mind'?"
"You were right. I'm just playing games." Tilly avoided Itagaki's searching eyes, pulling her arm from the Redguard's hand. "You know. You know from the binding. I don't have feelings. I don't care for you. I don't love you and this game has become boring now."
She began walking away. It took every ounce of her reserve to stop herself from falling at Itagaki's feet, begging forgiveness and professing exactly how much she did, in truth, love her. That she had never wanted to love anyone but now she could not imagine not loving her. To tell the Redguard about her dream and everything about her. Her past, her betrayals, her indiscretions, her calling. Everything.
She took one step after the other and then another and another. Never looking backwards to the woman she loved and had now devastated. One step in front of the other. Walking away from what was, it occurred to her, her last chance at true happiness.
ii. Öenthir.
It had taken almost the entire two weeks, but now, after reading the spellbook many times, she finally thought she had the nuances within her grasp. She would know when the spell had 'locked' in her mind when the words and diagrams upon the page would fade and disappear. This was the way of spellbooks. They were a one-time thing that, for all intents and purposes, became destroyed and useless when the spell was finally learned.
As she sat, outside, upon a chunk of wood hacked into the shape of a seat, she took a moment to go over what she had read, the book dropped upon her lap. It wasn't such a bad place, this Saxhleel village of the Red Spine tribe. Less than a month ago she would have turned her nose up at everything she saw here. Now, however, she found it quaint, interesting and comforting, in a strange fashion. There was a peace here she had never experienced. A simplicity of mind and body that was captivating.
And she had learned so much, about herself, about the nature of magicka and of the world. The Sap-Speaker was not a mage, as people would consider under normal circumstances in the wider world, but he had a view, an outlook about the way magicka penetrated the reality they lived in that was completely new and fresh to her. And it had helped. She could feel her strength and focus magnifying, despite the Sap-Speaker not allowing her to use her magicks in her training. She was, she knew instinctively, better.
Drawn out of her thoughts, she saw Itagaki striding towards the hut that they had shared for the last two weeks. Despite the Redguard's control of her outward emotional reactions, she seemed upset, for certain. She tried to catch Itagaki's attention, but the Redguard stormed past her into the hut. Concerned, she followed her, dropping the book on the makeshift seat.
"Itagaki?" She let the reed curtain fall behind her and found the Redguard stuffing her things into her pack, savage and furious. "Are you going somewhere?"
The Redguard said nothing, but the waves of emotion crashing through the binding told Öenthir much. She put her hand on Itagaki's arm, only for the Redguard to wrench it away. Undeterred, she tried again, gripping the Redguard's sleeve and turning her around to face her. The tears in Itagaki's eyes spoke volumes.
"What's happened?" She spoke with gentleness. The very idea of Itagaki ever crying was something Öenthir could never have imagined. The stoic, reserved but fierce and loyal Redguard was usually so measured, so upright. To see her like this was a shock, to say the least. "It's alright. You can talk to me."
"I have been so foolish." The Redguard fell into Öenthir's arms and sobbed.
Öenthir could do nothing but hold her friend, caught out by the Redguard's emotions, both in reality and in her mind as the binding shared the flood of so many different but connected feelings. She held Itagaki tight, listening to what had happened, hearing how Itagaki had fought against her feelings, of giving in, back-tracking through fear and up to her last encounter with Tilly.
Another emotion was in Öenthir's mind now, this one her own. She felt such anger towards the dark elf. She knew Tilly appeared emotionless, but this was cruel.
She waited until Itagaki had recovered her emotional control, making certain that she would be fine and then stormed out of the hut. It took her a few minutes before she finally found Tilly, leaning on a walking stick and talking with Revna, another one of her friends who Tilly had thrown their kindness back in their face.
Striding up to them both, Tilly turned around in time for a punch to hit her firmly in her face, falling backwards to land on her backside in the dirt, the walking stick flying from her hand.
"You don't get to treat people like that! People aren't toys that you can break and throw away!" She loomed over the prone, surprised, form of the dark elf, her fists clenched and boiling hot. "I should have let you die."
Before she could do anything she might regret, she turned away, storming back to the hut and Itagaki.
"What have you done now, little elf?" Öenthir heard Revna say as she strode away.
Reaching the hut again, she paused outside for a second, to calm down, to slow her breathing and to gather her thoughts. She had been so close to casting a spell at Tilly. She had had her flame spell in her head, ready to cast and something else was there, too. Another spell. A more powerful spell. She had never been so angry. But she had fought that instinct down. She almost hadn't, and that scared her.
She glanced at the makeshift chair outside the hut and the book upon it. Her hands still shaking, she reached down to pick it up, absentminded, opening it more from habit than to read it.
The pages were blank.
iii. Revna.
She didn't need to spread her large form to cover the doorway, she only stood, her arms crossed and her feet planted firm to the ground, but there was no easy way to get past her. Itagaki stared up into Revna's eyes, her emotional control completely returned. At least that Revna could see.
"You will let me leave, Khajiit. Or I will go through you." Her hand rested upon the grip of her short sword.
"As much as it'd be fun to see how that fight would go, you won't." Revna stared at Itagaki with equal intensity, if with a little more empathy. "You know as well as I that you will not attack someone who is not your enemy. Or unarmed."
The mutual stare continued for more than a few moments. Neither willing to give any ground, until Itagaki spun around in frustration. Grabbing the back rest of a chair, she threw it at the opposite wall, shattering it into firewood. Öenthir, standing to the side, flinched.
"You just can't go running off to the next tomb alone!" Öenthir moved to Itagaki's side. "It's madness to even try."
"Either we all go, or none of us." Revna relaxed a little. "If that means I have to fight you to keep you here, I will, but, unlike you, I will cheat to win. Just a fair warning."
"No, you wouldn't." The Redguard's shoulders slumped. She reached for Öenthir's hand and clasped it. "You are far too honourable for that, my friend. My emotions are compromised. I need to meditate. I will not go to the tomb alone."
Itagaki took off the pack that she was wearing and dropped it to the floor. Stepping up to Revna, she held her hands out to the side and looked up. Her eyes no longer burned with anger, but Revna wasn't quite satisfied.
"Perhaps you should leave your swords? Let Wen look after them while you meditate." She saw the flash of anger in the Redguard's eyes, for a second, and then it was gone. "No-one will touch them. I promise you that. But you'll not go anywhere without your swords."
With eyes that never left Revna's, Itagaki made a show of taking her swords from her sash, holding them out to the Khajiit. Revna pointed at the bed the Redguard had been using the past two weeks and Itagaki placed the swords on it.
"Satisfied?" She returned to stand before Revna and Revna placed a caring hand on each side of the Redguard's face.
"Go. Meditate. Centre yourself." She dipped her head to look into Itagaki's eyes. "We need you. We need you as you need us. At our best. We are bound and we are friends and friends only want the best for each other."
Revna stepped aside and watched Itagaki as she left, walking across the village to the place she had found to be the best for her meditations. When she was out of sight, Revna leant back against the door frame and let out a sigh of relief.
"She wouldn't really have tried to fight you?" The Bosmer joined Revna at the doorway. "Would she?"
Revna couldn't tell Öenthir that she had, in truth, feared that Itagaki had been angry enough to darken her honour by attacking an unarmed opponent. She had looked into the Redguard's eyes and had seen fury. Felt it too, through the binding. But only a fellow warrior could tell the subtle changes in stances, the placement of her hand and fingers on the grip of her sword, the tightening of certain muscles ready to explode into violence.
"No." She put her arm around Öenthir's shoulder and they stepped out into the afternoon sun. "Everything was fine."
"So, what now?" The mage put her arm around Revna's waist and leaned her head against the Khajiit's chest. "How are we going to work together with those two acting like this?"
"We will, because we have to." Revna squeezed the mage's shoulder. "Keep an eye on her. If she tries to leave again, shout. I'm going to have a quiet word with the little elf."
iv. Itagaki.
She had shamed herself!
These were not the actions of a warrior, but of a love sick child watering the desert sand with their tears. It was not acceptable.
She needed her swords. Not to run away to attempt to complete the task they had been set, that was foolish in the extreme, but the closeness of her weapons would aid her meditations. Her mind was clearing, somewhat, but she was far from being calm. She had told Revna that the weapon was only an extension of her body, but now it felt like someone had removed her arms.
The Khajiit had requested that she leave her weapons behind in the hut as a precaution. She saw the wisdom in that. She did not begrudge her friend taking that step. She would have done the same thing if it had been the Khajiit. Revna would never leave without her great sword, Jotnbann, and she would not leave without The Sword and The Companion. It was good, strategic sense.
"Leki give me the strength to overcome my weakness." She held her hands clasped before her, index fingers pointing upwards, pressed together. "Help me to calm my spirit and mind, for a warrior with a disordered mind is barely a warrior at all."
The Argonian children had, for the most part, avoided her since she had entered the village. The more open and talkative of her friends had been far more interesting to them, but now she had a small crowd watching her from a distance, whispering among themselves.
Rising from her kneeling position, she stood in the ready stance to begin the unarmed form. A difficult pattern that required exact concentration and perfect movements. It was a complex form due to the fact that a Redguard from her tribe was very rarely without a weapon. When one is not used to fighting unarmed, the need to practice it becomes even more important.
Instead of the Dance of the Swords, she performed the Dance of the Hands. Gliding from one stance to the next, sweeping her hands up here, arcing her leg up and around there. Stepping back in defence, striding forward in attack. Circling one way, dipping, circling the other. She could hear the 'oohs' and 'aahs' of the children at each movement. It was a beautiful and deadly dance.
Upon stepping back into the ready stance, hands clasped as they had been before, she found that her mind had cleared much. Her emotions once again under her control and not the other way around. She felt calm. The Sword Saint had heard her pleas and blessed her with peace once again.
"Beeko-ojel." One of the Argonian children, braver than the others, had approached her. He held out his spear to her. "Teach? Show? Please."
She regarded the boy, his age difficult to gauge. He was not as tall as some the other Argonian children, nor was he as thick set. His scales had not yet begun to lustre, still retaining the dullness of his youth. His feathers were short tufts growing like a crown about his head, but his eyes were bright and eager.
She accepted the spear that he offered her, testing its weight and balance. Then, stepping back into some space, she proceeded to move through several sections of the spear form, the spear flashing and spinning in arcs around her body and head, ending with the point aimed at the child's nose. One last spin of the spear and the butt end was now pointed at his nose and she tapped it with a smile.
The Argonian children erupted in cheers and clicks and hisses and all of them swept forward.
"Very well, little beeko. Let us begin." She tossed the spear to the boy and proceeded to show them all the first section of the spear form.
The thoughts of Tilly were not gone, but she had subsumed them for the moment. She was back in control, at least for the time being, and that made her happy. People were too complicated, too chaotic. With a weapon in her hands and an enemy to face, or a child to teach it would seem, there was order. There was simplicity. She wished all life was so simple.