Nobody had outright stated it, that there was a spy. There had been whispers for a while, but as with many things in the Order, it remained the subject of speculation.

It was not speculation anymore. There was a spy.

One of them was a traitor.

It was a month after Remus' last mission when a meeting of the Order was called. It was an emergency meeting in response to a mission gone very wrong in a way that could have only happened if someone had leaked information to the Death Eaters.

It was a mission that Sirius was on.

Remus could hardly stand the thought. He managed to get out of the ambush unharmed (physically), but Moody lost the tip of a finger, another addition to his ever growing collection of maimed and missing body parts.

Edgar Bones had not been so lucky. Sirius had said it was like it was targeted. Like they were after Edgar specifically. They found out during the meeting, held the day after Sirius stumbled into the flat, shaking and wild eyed, that this was almost certainly the case.

"They all went right for him," he said when he finally calmed down enough to form coherent sentences. "It was so quick. There was no blood, you know you see the homes after the dark mark has been left behind and the insides are just a mess, like a horror show. Ed just dropped. Like he fell asleep or something. I didn't even realize what had happened until Moody was getting us out of there and we weren't taking Ed with us. We had to leave his body behind..."

Remus had just listened as he ranted, disbelief punctuated frequently with blind fury. Rage. He picked up a vase off a side table a threw it at the wall, where it shattered spectacularly.

"They knew! They knew we would be there! Whatever traitorous bastard, whatever foul, putrid piece of shit caused this, I swear Moony I will kill them myself!"

He looked at Remus as if he expected him to talk him down. Remus just listened.

"I think I killed one of them," he whispered later as they lay together in bed. "I don't know for sure. His head hit the ground so hard. Not like Edgar. There was blood. A lot. Then we got out."

Remus held him tight. He knew what it felt like, to have to do violent things in order to survive. To save others. He wished he didn't know.

Sirius was right. They must have known Edgar would be on the mission. They must have known where his family would be and that he would not be there to protect them. The Bones family were renowned. Every last one of them brilliant witches and wizards.

His wife. His kids. Just little kids. All gone.

Moody had not spoken a word the entire meeting. Remus had never seen him so quiet. Sirius, on the other hand, could hardly keep still. The energy in the room was confused and chaotic to begin with. Sirius' constant fidgeting and snapping at everyone who so much as breathed in his direction was not helping to calm the situation.

Thankfully, it did not last long. Dumbledore had called the meeting to announce that in light of the circumstances, there would be a change to Order protocol. This would be the last of their large group gatherings, with future briefings being conducted on a largely one on one basis. All Order business would be strictly compartmentalized even more so than it already was.

All in all, it was a horrible meeting. It always was when they lost members, but in the past they would come together. They were like a family, there to pull each other through their shared grief. It had shifted, slowly. Everyone had become more paranoid, more disillusioned. This, though, this was something else. This was a breaking point. Every look was filled with suspicion. Sirius was hardly the only one who was openly hostile.

Edgar Bones was a good man. His wife was a wildly talented witch. And the kids. Remus felt himself struggling to breath every time he thought of it. The fucking kids.

"We're going out," Sirius announced after the meeting had been disbanded. He had grabbed Remus and Peter. When he spoke, it was a command.

Peter nodded. He wasn't usually one for big nights out, but he too had clearly been hit hard. All night he'd looked on the verge of tears, though he always managed to keep them at bay.

"You don't have to tell me twice," Remus responded, ready to get out as quickly as possible before-

"Remus, a word, please," said Dumbledore as everyone else filed out. Before that. Remus sighed.

Sirius grabbed hold of his wrist, but when he spoke, he was looking at Dumbledore, not Remus. Peter watched on in confusion.

"I can stay with you if you like," said Sirius, a clear tone of disdain directed across the room.

"No, it's fine. I'll meet you two in a minute."

Sirius nodded. Remus approached Dumbledore reluctantly as the others left. Dumbledore was still sat at the head of the large conference style table. He indicated for Remus to sit by him. He obliged.

"I take it Sirius is now aware of the nature of your missions."

"Yes. He deserved to know."

"I am not going to admonish you, Remus. I do need to know, is he the only one you have told?"

"Yes."

Dumbledore nodded. Remus had expected more, but that seemed to be the end of that line of questioning.

"How are you, Remus?"

"Fine."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows slightly, surveying him over the rim of his glasses. Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"Can we just get to the point? You want me back on missions," said Remus.

"Do you think you are in a fit state to continue your work?" Dumbledore questioned mildly, as if there were no accusations lingering beneath his words. Fit state. Remus knew precisely what he meant by that.

"Do you have anyone else who can do what you need me to do?" Remus asked coolly.

"No, but that does not mean I am willing to put you under unnecessary risk. It is dangerous enough even with a clear mind." He paused a moment, reaching under his robes to pull out a small parchment scroll. "Madam Pomfrey has kindly put together a list of resources she thinks you might find useful. She was very insistent that I give it to you," Dumbledore said, handing the scroll over to Remus.

He took it reluctantly, not bothering to look at it. He felt himself flushing with embarrassment. Dumbledore really wanted him to face those places with a 'clear mind'? No way. No way was he doing that. He hadn't intended to engage with his discussion any more than strictly necessary, but found he was struck with an overwhelming need to explain himself. Dumbledore had always had that power over him.

"You wanted me to blend in, to keep undercover. What do you think that looks like in those places? It's not a bloody summer camp," he suggested defensively.

"I have no doubt you are doing the best you are able in a very difficult position. Nevertheless, I am concerned that you may have started something may not be so easy to stop," he said pointedly.

It took Remus a moment to recognize it. When he did, he maintained a calm exterior, but his mind reeled. Dumbledore was paraphrasing Oliver. It was something he'd said not long into his stay in the pack. He'd found Remus up one night, close to dawn, still pacing around and wide eyed from the speed he'd taken nearly twelve hours earlier. He could feel himself starting to crash, aching all over, but was still too wired to rest and was rather frustrated. "You think that's exhausting Rey? Just wait 'til it's twelve years later and tell me how you're doing then. It's always real easy to start shit, not so fucking easy to stop." He knew he'd regret giving Dumbledore those memories. He kept his cool, but internally felt himself shrinking under Dumbledore's gaze. He pressed on, paying no mind to Remus' discomfort.

"I am afraid Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall share my worry and I would surely not hear the end of it if I left the matter alone," he said with a small smile. "Certainly not if you will be going back out into the field."

He'd thought a lot about returning to his missions. At first he had been adamant that he would never go back, but as time passed and the shock wore off he started to come around. Now that Sirius knew, it felt a little less unbearable. It was also the only meaningful way he had to contribute the war efforts. Especially after this meeting, after yet another family was wiped out by Voldemort. How could he possibly say no? What kind of coward would he be?

"If I go back… when I go back, I will not keep Sirius in the dark. Not again."

Dumbledore seemed hesitant, but he eventually nodded his agreement.

"I want to meet again at Hogwarts in two weeks time. We can discuss matters further then. In the meantime, please do look into Poppy's recommendations," he said with a piercing look. "Oh, and when you come to Hogwarts, it would be helpful if you could have a visit with Simon," he added, seemingly as an afterthought.

"Is he okay?" Remus asked, worried.

"He is settling in quite well, I'm pleased to say. Though I do think a little guidance from someone who understands his position could help him along."

Remus nodded as he stood up. He made his way swiftly to the door, eager to get away as quickly as possible.

"One more thing," Dumbledore said before he could make his escape.

Remus turned back to face him. He stared expectantly.

"The last time I saw you, I was not able to fully express my condolences. I am truly very sorry about your father. Lyall was a good man," said Dumbledore sincerely.

Remus took a moment before giving a curt nod of acknowledgment. He left without another word. When he got out the door he nearly ran right into Sirius and Peter. He ignored their questioning looks.

"Come on, I know the perfect place," Remus said, charging forward, assuming they were following.