When I got back to my chambers, I immediately took a shower. Having Hux's hatred for who I was at my core made me feel filthy. I turned the heat up as high as I could hoping to wash off the casual touches and shows of affection. I didn't let myself ever think that he thought me more than just a convenience. But it was hard to ignore that affection when no one else had ever shown it to me. Impossible even.

His rejection of the bond hurt.

I braced my arms against the wall of the shower and let the water pour down on me. I thought of everything that had happened since I woke up and felt like throwing up. I wasn't sure if I wanted to get revenge on the universe or just disappear. I truly thought that life was much easier when I was still strapped to the interrogation table.

I finally shut the water off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around myself. I looked in the mirror at my scars and started to feel so much anger. I dropped the towel and traced every pale raised line on my body. Every single one was someone betraying me. Every single one was someone trying to break me.

I punched my fist through the mirror, cutting my knuckles in the process. Blood started trickling down my fingers and dropped to the sink. I stared at my hand and saw that it was shaking from the force of impact. I snarled out loud and walked out of the refresher and pulled on training clothes. I didn't bother putting on shoes or even trying to dry my hair.

I passed a slew of officers and troopers. They all moved out of the way and saluted me in the process. My hand was dripping blood onto the floor as I walked. I resented every person that looked at me and hated their false allegiance to me. I kept walking until I finally reached the training room.

Ren was sparring with three battle droids but stopped when I walked in. He was covered in sweat and panting from the effort. His eyes shot down to my hand and back to my face, no expression crossing his face.

"What are you doing here, slave girl. I'm busy training."

"Yes, because I just follow you around, Ben."

I saw his anger flare and he sliced the three droids in half before returning his sabre to his waist.

"What? Can't take it when someone refuses to use your name?"

I walked closer to him and stood on the matt he was on. He reached his hand out and called a staff to him with the force. I followed suit, wincing slightly when my right hand closed around it shakily.

"You think you can come fight me? You can barely even hold that wooden staff."

"Shut up, Ren. I mean unless you want to admit that you're scaredto spar with me."

He let out a dark chuckle as we both moved into a defensive stance. He moved forward quickly slicing at me. I dodged the movement and was able to hit his back. He hissed out and turned towards me. I grinned at him and continued to move. My movements were fluid enough that it didn't even seem like I had ever stopped training.

"Lucky shot."

"You're being too irrational."

He chucked and swung again. I dodged it easily glaring at him.

"Ah, you've finally let in that darkness, have you? Isn't it just intoxicating?"

"Shut up and fight."

We moved almost like we were dancing. Both of us landing blows and dodging hits. I jumped when he took a swing at my knees but landed wrong, dropping me to one knee. I raised the staff up just in time to drop him from smashing my head. When it hit, I screamed out in pain and lost grip with my right hand. I grabbed my wrist and screamed in frustration, the force raging between us.

"You can't even wield a stick, slave girl. Face it. You are never going to best me."

He stood over me smirking. I looked up at him and saw red. The monsterhad maimed me to the point that I couldn't even fight anymore. He made me defenseless and riddled with the reminders of it. Before my mind made up my actions, I used my left hand to snatch his sabre from his waist and ignited it. I brought the blade down on my right wrist and screamed out as it cut cleanly through.

"Aurora!"

I looked up at Ren and laughed. I was in so much pain, but the look of surprise on his face was priceless to me. I stood up, leaning over slightly as I gripped my arm right above the part that was now severed.

"I won't be the weak pawn anymore."

I walked past him and towards the med bay. As much as the pain was making me almost black out, I was thrilled. I had finally done something to stop the weakness. It was no longer going to let myself be in a situation where someone could best me. I was going to survive no matter who was by my side.

As the droid put in the finishing touches, I started to flex my new fingers. The metal clinking was strange, but I had a soft smile on my face. The pain and weakness were gone. The droid finished and rolled away as the doctor walked in.

"We can get you outfitted with synthetic skin after a few weeks. We just like to make sure that everything is working properly first so we don't need to keep lifting it. Luckily it seems the nerve damage was only in your hand."

"Thank you."

"Of course. General Hux is waiting to enter."

I sighed but motioned for her to let him in. I continued to move my fingers and flex my hand into a fist. I watched all the metal components move and shift against each other. I looked up as Hux walked in. His face was set to stone as the door shut behind him.

"Ren refuses to tell me what happened. I got a report that you needed a complete-"

He looked down at my hand and shut his mouth quickly. He walked forward and took my wrist, turning my arm around so he could look at the synthetic hand.

"If Ren destroys one more-"

"It wasn't Ren."

"A droid then?"

"I did it to myself."

He let go of my wrist and furrowed his brow.

"Explain."

"I was sparring with Ren and my broken-up hand stopped me from protecting myself. I grabbed his sabre and eliminated the issue."

"You cut your hand off because you lost a sparring match?"

"No. I cut my hand off because it was broken and weak. Granted I should have come here to have them do it, but it needed to be done. Now I have two fully functioning hands."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

"If you're going to do something so reckless can you at least give me a heads up?"

"Why should I?"

He sat down and sighed.

"Besides me being the General, I don't think it's possible for you to completely shut down that.. bond."

"Why do you say that?"

"I heard you scream when you did it. I got here right after you did, and I've been waiting for the droid to finish."

I sneered and stood up.

"Sorry for making you miss your work."

He stood up and put his hand on my arm. I ripped it away from him.

"Permission to leave, General."

"No."

"No?"

"That's right. No. You aren't leaving here until I know you aren't going to chop off any more limbs."

"Be careful, General. You might seem like you care."

"Aurora cut the attitude!"

"You're only here because of this fucking bond! You don't care. I know you don't. I didn't cut my broken hand off because of your.. rejection.I was in a physical fight and it failed me. It needed to go. And now I need to go back to my chambers and get some sleep."

I started walking away and he grabbed my arm roughly, spinning me around. He instantly grabbed each side of my face and crashed his lips against mine. I gripped his arms tightly and he hissed against me. He walked me backwards until my back hit the wall and he pressed his body to mine.

I'm sorry, Aurora.

I broke the kiss and looked up at him.

"If we open this bond too much, we aren't going to be able to shut it."

"I know. I spoke with Supreme Leader Snoke. He explained it all to me."

"You mean he explained how tactical it could be."

He sighed and dropped his head slightly, so his forehead was pressed to mine.

"Yes, he brought that up. No, that wasn't his main point."

"What was then?"

Some of the anger was starting to leave me, causing all of my exhaustion to hit full force.

"He brought up how rare force bonds are and how unheard-of ones with non-force users are. He also explained how devastating it can be for something like that to be rejected and shut down."

He moved away slightly and looked into my eyes.

"I am sorry I hurt you. I let my fears and insecurities about force users effect my decision making."

I nodded but couldn't find the words to respond. I was still hurt by what he had said and how quickly he had pushed me away.

"At risk of sounding like I care."

I laughed.

"Which of course you d-"

"I do care about you. Even in the beginning I.. I visited you more than any other prisoner."

"Oh, lucky me."

He laughed at my sarcasm and put his hands on my waist.

"I am a ruthless and usually heartless man, Aurora. I can't, and wont, change. Not for anything. But I will not push you away again. The.. force.. or whatever it may be seems to think that we are meant to be connected. Who am I to deny fate when I so desperately chase my own fate to lead?"

"This doesn't change anything, General. We've always had this connection. Now it's just easier for us to communicate. I'll help you understand it more and we can work on strengthening it in a way that you're comfortable with."

"I know you will."

He moved his hand to my new metallic one and laced his fingers through mine.

"This will take some getting used to."

I laughed softly, a smile finally reaching my eyes.

"For both of us."

He nodded and kissed me again, this time less urgently.

"A little bird told me that a certain lieutenant noticed you were looking through her files."

"Oh, I'm sure this little bird told you how mad she is."

"Absolutely furious, Commander."

"Isn't it my job as a leader to help push those beneath me to strive for excellence? Why would she ever be mad about that?"

He smirked at me and tightened his grip on my hip.

"You're incredible, Aurora."

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Let's go. You need to get some sleep so you can get to work tomorrow."

I was laying in my bed, finally getting to relax. I frown when I realized how uncomfortable my bed was compared to Hux's. I nestled in anyway but opened my eyes when my pad dinged. I pulled it towards me and propped myself up on my elbow.

General Hux:
I can feelthat you're uncomfortable. This is very strange.

Commander Aurora:
I apparently got spoiled sleeping in your bed. How do you think I feel all the time? Imagine feeling that from everyone around you.

General Hux:
You're always welcome to join me. I'm not sure how you do it. This is strange enough and you are the only one I feel.

Commander Aurora:
I figured you needed some space after today. I'll be able to manage. Thank you for the offer though, General. I will help you work through this so it isn't as strange, and we can create boundaries you're comfortable with.

I looked at the pad for a while, but no response came. I rolled my eyes assuming that he was mad at me for not going to his chambers. I pushed it away and laid back down, wanting to fall asleep. Just as I shut my eyes a droid rolled into my room. It was holding some type of fabric on it and motioned for me to get up. It quickly pulled my covers and sheets off my bed and slipped the thick fabric on the mattress. I looked at it closely and saw that it was a padding to make it more comfortable. The droid worked on re-making my bed and I grabbed my pad.

Commander Aurora:
Was that so you wouldn't feel how uncomfortable I am anymore? Either way, thank you, General.

General Hux:
Sleep well, Commander.

I climbed into bed after the droid finished and instantly felt the difference. I wasn't sure that things would be okay between the two of us, but him talking to me had helped. I had a soft smile on my face as I finally fell asleep.