this is kind of the chapter, if you know what I mean. so, as always, enjoy!

FIFTEEN

Steve was conflicted.

It was a nice kiss. It seemed like puzzle pieces were coming together, the hitch and the kiss. But at the same time, he felt like he was disrespecting Peggy.

Learning that his first love was still alive came as a big relief to Steve when he came out of the ice. He'd thought that everyone he'd known was dead, that he was alone, but of course, she was still alive. It was Peggy after all. Even if she was old. Steve knew what came next in her story. But he was holding onto her, her memory, her accent, the red lipstick. She stood out from the crowd, she always did. That was part of why Steve loved her.

Even now, lying in the hospital bed, tubes everywhere. Her hair was the exact same style.
"You're troubled, Steve," Peggy noted. She covered his hand, the way he'd done with Gemma a mere few hours ago. "What's wrong?"
"It's nothing," he lied. Peggy lightly whacked his hand.
"I know you're lying. Is it a girl?" she asked, giving him a weak smile. Steve tilted his head.
"How did you work that out?"
"You're wearing a suit, sans suit jacket. You gave it to your date," she deducted.
"We were undercover," he explained.
"It's more than that, isn't it? You wouldn't be this distracted otherwise. Tell me about her," Peggy added, curious. Steve shook his head.
"Peggy-"
"Steve," she interrupted. "It is okay. It is more than okay. When the plane crashed, I moved on, but I never stopped loving you. You have to do the same." She patted his hand.
"You really won't be mad?"
"Steve," Peggy said again. "I fondue'd with someone else. You can too."
"You'll never let me forget that, will you?"

Luckily, that undercover mission had been enough for Natasha to pull off the bust; she sent Rumlow's STRIKE team in (much to his happiness). However, Gemma hadn't been there to hear the good news. It earned Steve a shrug when he asked Natasha about it.
"The hell if I know," she said. "But we can head over there. Tell her the good news. Maybe she just got pulled into a case more important." It seemed reasonable.
"Sure," Steve agreed. Probably, that was what happened. They went together, silence in place of elevator music. Steve preferred when elevators played the noise.
"So…" Natasha trailed off, looking at Steve with a grin. Steve sighed, knowing what was coming.
"We were undercover," he said, not particularly willing to discuss it with Natasha, of all people.
"But it was more than that, right?" she asked. "Cause neither of you two wants to talk about it. Why is that, Cap?" The elevator door opened, allowing Steve a very timely escape. They turned the corner to see the team, minus Gemma, huddled around a radio walkie-talkie on Tony's desk.
"What's going on?" Natasha asked as she and Steve came to a stop.
"There's an active shooter situation down at the Knickerbocker," Sam explained to them. "The NYPD are coordinating a response with whatever forces are in the area. FBI, Homeland, even any of us."
"Three SHIELD agents have gone in so far," Lidia added. The radio talked some more.
"We're trying to learn more," Tony said, "although they're pretty low on information."
"Oh." Natasha nodded, not sure what to say. Steve felt the same. "So, wher-" Before Natasha could finish that sentence, a familiar voice came through the radio.
"SHIELD, Bloom, 72245, show me going," it spoke. Around the table, various reactions occurred. Natasha sucked in her breath sharply, but Steve froze completely. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw both Tony and Sam snap their heads up sharply.
"It's okay," Lidia said, placing her hands in the air, "she's trained for this, nothing we haven't done before."
"Yeah, with us," Tony retorted. "A team she can trust. We don't know anyone else in that building, those SHIELD agents included."
"No, we know Russell. Dude with the afro," Sam reminded him.
"That's not far from here," Natasha said. "Why aren't more SHIELD agents responding?"
"Because it's NYPD doing the response," Sam responded. "Fury put out an earlier message only to respond if you are in the field and if you can. I guess Gemma was both."
"I thought she was on your task force," Mathew said to Natasha. She nodded.
"I gave her the morning off. We had a late night. She was going to come in at twelve." Steve sighed, rubbing a hand on his forehead. He didn't like this. The uncertainty. Of course, she'd come in an active shooter situation. It was Gemma. There was no way she could just ignore the situation. And neither could he. Steve turned around, knowing what he was going to do next.
"Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?" Mathew barked, causing Steve to stop in his tracks and turn around.
"I have to go in," Steve responded.
"The hell you do," Mathew told him. "She's in. Fury's orders were direct. Now, I have no idea what the hell Gemma was doing in Manhattan this early, but you don't fit the criteria to go in." On the table, Natasha clicked her tongue.
"I do know what Gemma was doing in Manhattan, which is my fault," she said, "but, he's right, Steve. Even if you could, you're not trained for this situation and you'd be disobeying direct orders."
"You're really telling me there's nothing I can do? That I'm not trained for this?" Steve retorted, raising an eyebrow. Natasha got up, and grabbed his arm, pulling him back into the elevator. When the door closed, she pressed the stop button. A habit they picked from Gemma.
"What's this about?" Natasha asked. "Seriously. You know you can't go in."
"There is an-"
"Active shooter, yes, those happen all the time! This is America, for crying out loud," she yelled. "Steve. This is about Gemma, isn't it?" Steve sighed, pressing the stop button. Natasha pressed it after him, causing the elevator to groan.
"I have to go in. We're not talking about this," Steve said.
"Funny, she said the same thing. If it was just an undercover mission, just a kiss, neither of you would be acting so bothered," Natasha retorted. "So which is it? Because right now, you're both sending mixed signals to each other, and it cannot get to the point you can't work together anymore." Natasha paused, then snorted. "Now I get the point of that rule."
"What rule?" Steve asked.
"Twelve," she recited. "Never date a co-worker. Although, rules are meant to be broken."
"What? No, they're not," Steve responded. "Nothing's meant to be broken." Natasha threw him a look.
"Glow sticks, piñatas, karate boards, spaghetti if you have a small pot… you want me to call Clint so I can continue that list?" Steve held up a hand as she pulled out her phone.
"I get your point, but..." he trailed off, not knowing how to put the words in his mouth.
"You're scared you'll be disrespecting someone else," Natasha finished for him. "The lady in your compass." Steve knitted his brows in together.
"How'd you guess?"
"Gemma may be very closed off, but you're an open book," Natasha told him. "You could work on that. Also, there's literally an entire exhibit dedicated to you, so it wasn't that hard to figure it out."
"There's an exhibit?" he echoed, frowning.
"That's what you got from that? Also, you should take Gemma with you if you want to go see it because she told me she's never been to any of the museums here."
"She's never been- okay, now you're just getting me off-topic."
"But also, take her to a museum," Natasha repeated. "She'll like that kind of thing. She's a nerd." Steve pressed the elevator button again, causing it to move.
"Fine!" Natasha exclaimed. "Okay, we won't talk about this. Tell me about your ex-girl. What was she like?" Natasha didn't bother stopping the elevator again.
"She was called Peggy," Steve said. He felt nostalgic. "She was British. Brown hair aways in those curls. She was strong. No one could tell her what to do. She shot at me once."
"Wow, true love," Natasha mocked. Steve rolled his eyes. "But, also, British, brown hair? Strong? No one could tell her what to do? You know who else you're describing?" Steve frowned. Natasha patted him on the back. "I'll leave you to figure it out." The elevator door opened to reveal the bullpen again, the team with the addition of Fury and Maria still surrounding the radio.
"So, I can't go in?" Steve confirmed. Fury nodded. Steve sighed before he spoke again, looking at Natasha. "Then I'm sure I can make myself helpful around here?" Fury nodded.
"As a precaution, the NYPD have locked down the area, so we can't leave the building," Maria explained.
"But we need help going through some old files," Sam said, nodding to some ignored boxes left on one of the desks. Steve looked at Natasha, who nodded.
"See? That wasn't so hard." She could've been mocking Steve, for all he knew. He didn't care. He just had to be distracted for now, as to not think about the status of Gemma. Steve was sure Natasha was probably as worried as he was; she just didn't want to make a big deal of it. Probably. As Steve moved towards the boxes, Mathew put his hand on the super-soldier's shoulder, stopping him.
"She's going to be okay," he said simply. Steve nodded in acknowledgement, grabbing one of the boxes.

In truth, Gemma was extremely exhausted. She'd forgotten how much tense situations, especially ones like that exhausted her, but she knew she had to go to the bullpen, let them see for themselves that she was okay, or they'd never believe her. The one time she didn't go in, Tony and Lidia broke into her house, waking her up and freaking her the hell out. She never made the same mistake twice.

However, she hated it, because her eyes were so close to closing, even as the elevator door pinged open. She was probably going to have to ask Mathew to take her home. It was not safe to drive. She turned the corner, only expecting to see the team. Gemma responded to the incident solely because she hadn't signed in for the day, and Natasha had said that the task force didn't need her for the morning. She hadn't even meant to be in Manhattan that early, but sometimes she found being in Times Square peaceful. She needed that.

Much to Gemma's surprise, it wasn't just the team in the bullpen; as she nearly got knocked over by Lidia, Tony and Sam incoming for a hug, she noticed Steve and Natasha, which was unexpected.
"Ah! I'm fine, guys, really," Gemma said. "You're strangling me." The trio released Gemma, each looking her up and down for injuries. Gemma was still wearing her bulletproof vest, and she was a little grimy, and she smelled a little bit, but she was so lucky this time. No injuries. That was rare. That never happened.
"See? Nothing!" Gemma exclaimed. "A new record." They moved towards the rest of the group, where Gemma came to a stop in front of her boss.
"Come here, kid," Mathew muttered, holding his arms up. Gemma stepped into him, squeezing hard.
"Can you take me home?" she muttered, resting her head on his chest.
"What is going on?" Natasha quietly asked. Gemma realised they only really knew Mathew as more a statue than a person.
"Wait a second," Tony responded. Gemma could sense his grin. Mathew nodded.
"Thanks, Dad," she answered, then she froze, realising her mistake.
"There it is!" Tony exclaimed. Gemma flipped him off. Mathew chuckled a little bit; it was well known around the office Gemma considered Mathew a father figure. They all did because none of them had a good relationship with their actual dads. Gemma let go, mainly because she knew that even if she found it comforting, Mathew wasn't a physical person.
"What the hell were you doing in the area?" he asked, although Gemma knew that he wasn't mad.
"I was at Times Square," she explained. "I needed to think some things over."
"So, last night-" Natasha started to say. Gemma interrupted.
"I couldn't do it, weirdly. I apologised and went home."
"Ah." Natasha looked full of relief. "You're okay?" Gemma nodded, smiling.
"Probably won't have an easy sleep, but I'm fine."
"That's my cue, then." Natasha patted her on the shoulder, leaving.
"I'll wait for you downstairs," Mathew added, leading away the rest of the group. "Have the day off tomorrow." The sound of the elevator left Gemma and Steve alone. He gave her a weak smile.
"So, I'm guessing when you found out about the shooter you wanted to come in?" she asked. He grinned in response. "And they didn't let you go."
"Natasha made me realise I wasn't necessarily wanting to go in for the people," he said. "Just one person."
"Oh, Captain America was worried about me?" Despite herself, Gemma grinned. It was hard for it to be awkward; it felt like she'd known Steve since the beginning of time. She was comfortable in a way she hadn't been before. "I'm honoured." He put his hands on her shoulders as if checking that she was really there. They were really close now. Gemma could smell him. He even smelt comforting. If it had been anyone else, Gemma knew she would've been uncomfortable.
"Natasha told me you've never been to any of the New York museums," he mentioned.
"I've only been to one museum in my life," Gemma said. "It was to the British History Museum, and I hated it so much it convinced me not to study history."
"One museum? Oh, now we're going." They both chuckled. "That was scary."
"What?" She tilted her head, looking up at him. He was so handsome, so clean-cut. Gemma felt a little breathless.
"Not knowing if you were okay or not," he clarified. "I was worried. It's nice to know you're okay." Unconsciously, Gemma had put both her hands on his face again, just like the previous night. She leaned in again, initiating the kiss, just like the previous night. He responded, holding her tighter, just like the previous night. This time, Gemma had never been so sure of an action.