Avoiding Esme is becoming way too much of a chore. She knows the place backwards and forwards. When I try to hide from her she knows exactly where I am and comes to me. The only bright spot in this whole mess is that I am reunited with my furry babies. Arctic is curled up at my feet as I am at the desk looking at a private portfolio of homes on the desktop. Snowden and Titan are playing near the door. I know as soon as it opens they are going to be by my feet growling. This is stupid! I am never going to find a home to satisfy everyone. I will do this later when Jay can give his input.
As soon as I exit the room, I bump into Esme. She is perfect. She is clothed in a cream cocktail dress with tan strappy sandals. Her hair is pulled back in an elegant bun and her pearl earrings decorated her ears while the matching necklace adorns her throat.
"Hiding again, Isabella," she quips.
I sigh, "Look, Esme, I am grateful that you are allowing me in your home. Truly. I just kind of need some space. I am not used to having people around all the time."
I start to walk away but her words make me pause.
"Then you better. Isabella, I did not like you when I first met you. You got in a fight with my only daughter and got her arrested then you slept with my son. The next thing we know he is saying you are pregnant. None of this was supposed to happen," She grips my elbow and guides my down the hallway. "When you have your kids you will understand my next words. I always had a plan for them. A plan for them to have a happy life inside of the hell we brought them. Jay was supposed to marry a girl that is from this life because they would know what is expected of them. They won't ask too many questions, they aren't messy, it would be easy on him. I never equated love in that plan. I learned at a young age that love get men like my son killed."
"I'm not going to get him killed," I ground out.
"Not on purpose you will not. But you and your children are creating chinks in an armor that Carlisle have spent years perfecting. They don't have to go after Jay to make the empire crumble, they can go after you now. So, Isabella, you might not like me and you might not like having a lot of people around but you have no choice but to get used to it."
I swallow, "Esme, I don't want to lose myself by loving him."
"Then don't. I wish I had someone to tell me things and advise me on things. I swear I turned into a stranger for the first few years of our marriage. It was easier in a way than fighting to hold on to who I was. But I wish I would have fought. It would have saved a lot of heartache. Isabella, no one will fault you for being true to yourself. But you are going to change. You are going to grow colder to things, you will find yourself more secretive, less trusting, and you need to remember this is not bad. This is survival of the fittest."
"Alice, is lucky to have you," I tell her.
"Ha, that is Carlisle child. Honestly, I don't know where I went wrong. We were so close when she was younger but now I am lucky if I speak to her outside of family functions."
I chuckle, "That's Alice. I'm sure it will work out."
I send a text off to my manager at the bakery to see how things are going when Esme leaves me alone. I feel slightly bad that I am throwing a lot at my workers now. But I am two steps away from being put on bed rest.
Jay is coming home late tonight because he had to go have a sit down with somebody I never met. I know things are tense in his corner because he got into it with his Uncle. He came home two nights ago and said that Benny was living with us permanently. Though, Benny likes it at the penthouse and somehow has convinced Jay that it's better than him staying in Carlisle house. It makes me nervous that he is there by himself but Jay assures me he is having a ball.
I make my way down the stairs very slowly when the front door opens. I'm slightly startled because I wasn't expecting anyone to be arriving. Though I need to tell one of the guards to round up the pups. Peter and Carlisle come through the door. I wave quickly and resume my descent. Peter is at my side in two seconds helping the rest of the way. That man is super fast.
"What the absolute fuck, B?" He growls at me as he runs a hand through his hair.
I look from him to a frowning Carlisle.
"What?"
Peter groans, "There are fucking elevators for a reason. The doctors gave explicit orders for you to take it easy."
"I was just walking," I mumbled and waddle to the kitchen. I believe I still have some fruit salad leftover if Esme didn't beat me to it.
Carlisle clears his throat, "What I believe he is trying to say, is that it's kind of an unnecessary dangerous task for you to take when you have an easier alternative."
I turn from the fridge and look at Carlisle. I don't like being scolded especially from Carlisle. He makes me feel like a child and dammit I am a grown woman. I study him trying to find a hole in his logic.
"Isabella, you are still recovering from your accident. Your body is weaker than normal. Do you honestly think it's a good idea to be going down all those stairs when you could grow faint at any moment?" Carlisle presses.
I throw my hands up, "Fine but just so you know it's really pretentious of you to have multiple elevators in your home."
Carlisle smirks and settles at the kitchen table. Reflexively, I begin to make everyone a bowl of fruit salad. There was more than I originally assumed. Peter takes his bowl with a nod and Carlisle winks at me. Carlisle and I are not friends. But we are slightly nicer to each other since the crash. Something about me saving his son's life when no one expected me to. They really have shallow expectations of others. I take a seat next to him and begin browsing through a maternity catalogue.
That's how Esme finds us an hour later. We all turn when we hear her heels clacking on the marble of the floor. A second later she appears not a hair out of place. I swear she has a secret glam squad that keeps her at her best.
"Oh, there you are," She exclaims and crosses the distance to greet her husband. I watch them embrace slightly envious of the way Carlisle seems to melt in her presence. "I missed you, darling."
"I know. I will not underestimate having free time again," Carlisle kisses her nose once more and she takes a seat to the right of him.
"Oh, Isabella, how is the house hunting going? Did you see some of David's listings? Are they not absolutely marvelous?" She gushes.
If by marvelous you mean very regal, then yes. Every listing he had sent to me drip with money. It would be my home and I wouldn't even feel comfortable there. So, it was a no for me. I don't believe I made it halfway through before handing in the towel.
"No luck so far." I say swirling my water in my cup.
"You could always stay here," Carlisle arches an eyebrow.
Esme swats his arm, "Hush, they need to have a home. Bella, will soon be going through her nesting period?"
"Uhhh..." I say.
Carlisle clears his throat again. If I didn't know any better which I do I would say he is coming down with something. He shares a look with Peter but Peter is quick to avert his eyes from mines. There is something going on here. I can smell it.
"What?" I ask sharply.
"I know you were looking forward to taking the dogs to the groomers but it is still dangerous for you to be out and about. We also cannot risk taking the dogs out. So we are inviting some groomers here," Carlisle says.
"They are wonderful," Esme adds.
"Our groomer doesn't do house calls," I say confused.
"Well, no, they don't, that's why we had to hire from a service. They have a great reputation," Carlisle says going back to his newspaper.
I bet they do. I doubt they would make it past the gate if they didn't have an impressive resume that can back them up. But I have no problem with this plan, to be honest I would enjoy taking a nap before Alice gets here. The problem is Jasper.
"Jasper, okayed this?" I ask.
"I doubt he would care, no offense Isabella." Esme says while Carlisle looks at me carefully.
"Yeah, okay. Our groomer thought it would be cute to take an extra inch off of Artic fur without consulting with us. Jasper almost burnt the place down. Then there was this one time they didn't file Titan nails enough and let's just say the man quit the next day. Something about working condition being less than desirable." I tell the couple.
"You cannot be serious." Carlisle states.
"I think we both know your son. Why would I lie? Look you won't get any complaints from me. I am sure that the groomers you hired are experienced. But from what I gather through a very short call with your son earlier his mood is less than desirable, so it won't take much to get on his bad side." I say rising with my plate.
Someone is there in the next second taking it out of my hands and disappearing in the shadows. That is so creepy. I swear I never hear the staff half of the time. It's like they materialize out of thin air.
"I'll call your normal groomer and see if I can get any pointers," Esme says sullenly. No one likes when Jay is in a bad mood.
My sleep is restless, plagued by the images of Jay's death. Different scenarios play in my head of how he dies. The ending is always the same…shattering me. Losing him means death to my soul. The worst is watching his blonde hair turn strawberry blonde from his blood, from a knife to the back of the head. I wake gasping for breath. The ragged breaths rip through my core. I wrap a protective arm around my belly protecting the lives I have yet to bring into the world. We are at war and nothing is safe.
"B, Alice is downstairs for you," Peter knocks on the door.
"I'll be down in a moment," I call out.
Focusing on my breathing doesn't slow my heart. It appears the walls are closing in on me. Fuck. The screeching sound of metal tearing, bullets flying, and screams. I fight against the covers feeling suffocated with them. My hand finds the switch to the lights and flick it on. With the illumination comes relief. I can breathe again. I slide to the floor still gasping for breath but finding it easier this time. I get to my feet and go to the nightstand and grab my phone. It doesn't take me long to find the number.
"Choc, baby, I'm busy I'll call you back," He answers on the second ring.
I gasp, "Please, I-I-I."
There is scuffling on the other end. Then a mute sound of pain. I hear footsteps and a door slamming.
"Choc, what is it?"
"You-you-you were dead…and I couldn't stop it. I. Couldn't. Stop. It." I cry.
"Choc, listen," He demands. I sniffle quieting down. "I am alive. You are alive. Our children are going to live. I need for you to trust me."
"I do," I vow.
"Good. I'll see you when I get back tonight. Keep your head up," the line goes dead.
I put my phone down and go into the closet to find something to wear. I change into a pair of yoga pants that will make Esme cringe and flowy cream shirt. Peter is waiting for me outside of the door. He gives me a once over and I know Jasper has told him something. I nod for him to lead the way and follow behind him silently.
Once on the main floor, Peter leads me to the informal dining room. Alice is seated at the table, her rich black hair pinned on the top of her head. She looks up from her magazine on our entrance. Her eyes widened, taking me in. I offer her a genuine smile as I close the distance between us. Yeah, I am a sight for sore eyes. My right arm is in a sling and my left arm is still really sore. I stopped counting the various bruises on my body a while ago. After we embrace, we take our seats. Peter settles himself at the door making sure he can see any and everyone.
"Jesus, Bella, everything has been so crazy. Edward isnt telling me anything," She throws her hands up.
I shrug, "I doubt he really knows anything to tell you."
Alice is quiet mulling over my words. Jasper has been splitting his time between Jersey, New York, and here. There are no new leads. None. To be honest, from what I gather everyone is falling over themselves to show their innocence. It seems no one wants Jasper coming after them. Jasper at first was hesitant to talk to me because he was not sure how much to disclose. The more I know the more of a target I have on my back. Our deal is he opens up to me and I keep my mouth close. Loose lips sink ships.
That's how I know that he is taking the search inward. If it is not anyone on the outside then it has to be on the inside. Either someone in the family is coming after Jay or someone in our city. But either way these streets will be bathed in blood.
"I cannot believe Rose kicked Emmett out," Alice's sudden shift in conversation startles me out of my thoughts. Ah, the topic no one talks about. Carlisle will not even utter her name anymore.
"I wonder how she is holding up. Taking care of a kid by yourself has to be hard."
Alice slams her palms on the table. Peter shifts in his chair ready to intervene at a moment's notice. Sister or no sister, any threat will be neutralized. Once again, I find myself sighing and leaning back in my chair. I am truly over this day.
"Fuck her." My, my, my how the tables have turned. Alice launches into her rant."Who does she think she is kicking my brother out? She is still spending his money. Gold digging bitch. How can you even be concerned about her after all this shit?"
Because I know what it is like to hurt. I know what it is like to choose yourself when your heart is literally breaking at the aspect. I know what is like to be alone. I know how draning it is to stand up for yourself.
"She is family. Rather if she is in a relationship with Emmett or not. Or did you forget," I tilt my head to the side. Alice stares back at me emotionlessly, "This little thing of ours is forever. The only way out is in a body bag."
Alice stays for a while longer. But I can tell my words haunt hers. Some days she loves Edward and some days she hates the air he breathes. She has deluded herself into thinking that since she is a Princess that the rules do not apply to her. They do. The family comes first. She cannot leave Edward. The only way out of that fucked relationship is through a body bag. Alice kisses my cheek on her way out of the door an hour later.
I open my phone and slide to Emmett's number. I have been sending him daily texts of my day. I never get a response but it makes me feel better that I am reaching out. Jasper won't tell me when he is coming home and I get the idea that he does not know either. I think it's more up to when he feels better. I am still not convinced that them being apart is a good idea. There is a kid involved.
I hear yelling and not normal yelling. Esme is yelling and that cannot be good. Her voice is bouncing off of the walls. I have only seen this woman in one of two moods: happy or unbothered. A queen never loses her cool but right about now it sounds like Esme has lost every shred of cool she possesses. I round the corner fully expecting to see complete devastation. But instead I am treated with an even more absurd sight. The trio are laying down in the casual living room with their paws covering their eyes as Esme berates a short round man. He is red in the cheeks and he looks close to tears. He is clutching at his collar as if the silky fabric is choking him. It's comical to see his mouth open to protest only to shut with an audible click as Esme talks over him.
"Are you just stupid?" She asks him suddenly.
He shakes his head furiously, "NO! I just thought you said you wanted a rose dye."
"I SAID I wanted a rose BATH! You imbecile. Look at what you have done," Esme waves furiously at the dogs.
My eyes follow wondering what I missed before and I stop dead. Arctic is pink. Like a baby pink. She has been tinted as if she is a show dog. No wonder they have their paws covering their faces. I'm torn from being completely pissed and concerned on what Jay is going to do when he sees this.
"Tell me this is not permanent." I demand making my presence known.
He looks over at me and his shoulders slump, "Uh, no ma'am. But I would highly advise against dying her fur again so soon."
"My dog is pink. Pink, sir! What would you suggest I do to return her back to her natural state," I have decided upon being pissed.
"Uhhh," He is obviously struggling.
"I told you guys this was a bad idea. Jasper is going to lose his shit as soon as he sees this. And is my dog in any pain?" I call the trio over to me.
They trot over obediently. Arctic knows she is different. She keeps looking down at her paws and trying to paw the color off. My heart tugs for her. Her fur should not be this color. She is not a fucking show dog but an animal with dignity.
"It will wash off in the next few washes. I promise and I will fully refund you for this service. I am so sorry," The man looks from me to Esme.
"You know what? You can stay and explain this to my husband who should be home in the next hour or so. I am sure he would love to hear that his dog is pink due to your negligence and that we have to wait for many baths to return her to her normal color."
The poor man pales. For a brief moment I fear that he is going to faint. Peter snickers behind me as the man stumbles down to a chair. Esme looks ready to bust. Jasper is going to go through the roof when he arrives. I rub my temples trying to combat the fierce headache approaching.
"B, maybe you should go upstairs. I'll bring some dinner to you," Peter recommends.
I want to protest but oddly enough this has drained me. Alice and this damn incompetent groomer. I throw my hands in the air and mutter a few italian curse words that I have picked up from the men in my life. Fine, I will go lie down. Anything is better than dealing with this mess. Peter walks me to the elevator before leaving.
It's once I am alone that the walls start to close in. For some unexplainable reason I have this feeling like I will die. It only comes when I am by myself with my thoughts. Because there's no one around to save you. I know that if Emmett was not there that day then I would have died. Everyone keeps talking about how I saved Emmett and they forget if he was not there then I would be in a casket. It is not something I can forget. Each bullet wound is a reminder that I am of no more use than a pawn. But even if it kills me I will become stronger. I will not be a liability that Jasper has to worry about.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Peter walks into the room without an invitation. I blink. How long have I been sitting on the edge of the bed? Peter pauses looking me over trying to determine what kind of headspace I am in. I turn my head and look at the clock that sits on the bedside table. Huh? I've been sitting here for twenty minutes.
"Here, eat up," Peter hands me the plate of food before taking a seat at the loveseat on the other side of the room. "Jasper called. He should be here around twelve tonight. Are you going to stay up?"
"That is not up to me anymore. Whatever these four want is what these four get," I rub my stomach affectionately.
I receive a flurry of kicks in response. This is for them. Everything we do is for their survival. There is someone out there that would rather see them dead and me right along with them. There is someone out there that wants to see my family crumble and I will not allow it.
"Peter," I begin. "What do you do so that you are not scared? I don't want to be scared anymore."
When I finally turn to face Peter his face is tense. Though his eyes are soft. I can tell he didn't expect me to ask him that. But besides Garrett and Jasper there is no one I can really ask that to. I barely can bring myself to ask Carlisle the simplest of questions.
"It is okay to be scared. No one thinks anything less of you," Peter breathes.
"But I do. I do. I know it's killing Jay," I push a spoonful of food into my mouth.
"Choc, we all get scared. Even Jay. I cannot tell you how to get over this hurdle. What I can say is that you're strong. Don't let them beat you. If there is one thing you know. You know you can trust us," I look back at Peter soaking in his words. "Trust that we will do everything to keep you five safe. You handle the rest."
I nod because what can you say to that? Nothing. I eat the remaining meal in silence. Peter does not leave me. He settles himself down in the loveseat and scrolls through his phone. He understands. I know next to nothing about Peter's life, just the fact that he is incredibly loyal to Jasper. But he is and always will be family. With that thought I succumb to sleep that for once in a very long time is not plagued by nightmares.