Death would be best described as empty. It isn't painful or welcoming it merely is and that is how it should be. Wei Wuxian was neither fond of death nor did he despise it. He was and that was fine with him as for once he was at peace with no suffering to stain his skin with blood and bruises. No flesh meant no pain. If he opened his eyes he could see. If he bothered to listen, he might hear from the ether that he floated along aimlessly. Having nothing and just being this was relieving and reminded him of when he was stone.
Perhaps he should have stayed as such.
Time is irrelevant and memories drift apart. He's felt himself slowly break away like rocks along the shore into what will be a new life and he's dreading it but he can't say it's not exciting. He can forget this. All of this.
Because when he does try to be aware and open his eyes- when he listens- when he gives his body a purpose on the earth it's agony. He feels his death and regrets crash into him and his life all flashes before him. Had he really lived such a sad and tragic life? Had he really just lived to die defending people who still met a tragic end?
He'd been so young and his dreams had been simple and he didn't even get to waft at the happily ever after he'd been yearning for. He never fell in love with a pretty girl and got to settle down and start a family. He never got to be the one to stand by Jiang Cheng as he led or go to Shije's wedding and spoil his nephew. All the places, adventures, holidays, moments of joy and summers playing in the water were all snuffed so quick.
In the end, he never did get Lan Wangji to be his friend. He never got to see a big smile and hear his laugh. When he drifts and stares at the world moving without him the ground will rot beneath him and mushrooms will spring underfoot to feast. If his soul could move on he'd be happy but he's weighed down and the dark whispers of resentment in his ear have gone on to someone else.
He's alone crying over empty plains that stretch for miles. He's alone as the shrooms circle viscously and his tears fall. His tears are always a deep blue and they roll heavy despite the fact he doesn't feel them. Yes, if he had faded to nothing as stone it might be have been kinder than being whatever this is.
He stares and stares for what feels like years standing still in an empty field watching his life pass over and over with the wind whistling as his only companion. As the mushrooms spread out further and further making a ring and new life blooms around as it should. As those tears for some reason don't stop. Is Wei Wuxian anywhere?
Ages and ages the clouds drifting and the sun sets again and again. For whatever reason, he's no longer drifting content to stay as he is as the tears form a pool beneath him that animals will drink from. He's numb now. He doesn't even care about shutting off more content to just watch his body fade to dust as reincarnation sets in. Maybe it's because his legs are gone that he doesn't move?
The ring grows with the pool and flowers dance along the edges blooming and withering. He's not sure when but it turns from a pool to a small lake and the mushrooms spread far. Faded. So faded and he's happy for that. The life springing around him; butterflies in the air and deer stopping to drink.
Huh, he never noticed the forest behind him but then again he only ever stared forward. Memories play on loop but the pain isn't tearing him apart any more since so much is moved on. He's moving on. He's at peace even if the cultivation world seems to try to pull him to them. How long is unsure since there is no way to track time but long enough.
His hands have dusted away and he wonders if this is what he leaves behind in death. This lake of tears that he can't stop shedding even if he feels fine through all the regret and pain. Even if he has accepted his mistakes and wrongs.
Even if he deserved it. All of it. For trying to be greedy in the face of it all. They flow and flow and it never stops. Just let him move on already. How long has it been? Decades? Centuries? When can he stop?
Wh
He feels air in his lungs rush in and pain as someone kicks at him, "Stop playing dead." It all leaves him shell shocked as he takes in his surroundings. The fact that for the first time in eternity Wei Wuxian feels at all and this body is starved and hurt but in a way that he recognizes.
Wei Wuxian is for the first time since his time at Cloud Recesses truly human. He's human! One that is weak and abused but that he can change. He smiles and laughs to himself as he takes in his body and the story of the man asking him to take revenge. Of who Mo Xuanyu is according to the papers and his face which is ghastly under all this makeup but he supposed he's looked worse.
"Was my reputation after death so bad that people think I'm some villainous demon?" Wei Wuxian hums trying to rub at the rouge with his sleeve only to make it worse. "Honestly I don't remember doing anything that bad."
Which as he ponders feels odd. He remembers a lot of his life and the tragedy of his death and war. Then it clobbers him over the head the hell he raised in Nightless City and the fact that a fair amount of loose-lipped people in the cultivation world knew him as a cannibal which is unfortunately not a misconception as much as he'd like it to be. Once caught biting into a raw spleen of a dog-man a person loses any right to claim otherwise. "Oh dear, I might've become a cautionary bedtime story by now."
"Then again, I've been dead for apparently thirteen years which means if I keep my head low I can start my own folk legend and avoid everyone I know." Frankly, a reunion of any kind at this point is to put it in a grossly mild manner just a hint awkward. "I did always want to try being a rogue cultivator like mom. Or maybe I could be a fisherman. And own a boat."
"I could name it Whatever You Think." This all seems stupid but keep in mind coming back from the dead is incredibly draining and Wei Wuxian keeps forgetting to breathe and the only reason he hasn't failed at his wish-granting is unconscious muscle movement. "And paint it red!"
Yes, running away from every emotional problem and trauma that will haunt him and have him screaming in the dead of night to become a lunatic fisherman after he gets the money for a boat is a totally reasonable plan.
It's not Shhhhhh
He's got life plans set out now. He just didn't expect his killing of the Mo family to be done by one of his flags or to need to get involved because of a demonic arm. Or for Lan Wangji to show up looking like a tiger man and stare him down as he tried to hide behind a pillar. Fuck. Those lines- and Lan Wangji's skin- his ears! Those eyes glowed and he's pretty sure they aren't supposed to do that! What the fuck happened to Lan Wangji?
His mind raced back to that night to the long set infection he knew the man had. That night in Nightless City- oh no. He grabs the donkey in the stable as the chaos is still in the air and runs all the while cursing under his breath.
"I couldn't have! There's no way I did that to him. That I made Lan Zhan…" No. He just needs to run far. Get the money he needs and disappear from everything and everyone. "But, if Lan Zhan is- if it was my doing and not his own…" if the man still wants to confine him to Gusu like before then he'll sense him. He'll be pulled to him no matter what.
I'm done with that magic. With things that force change or control people. With being anything but human!
He'll run and run because Wei Wuxian wants to be free from that. He wants to live and if it's with a million regrets then through all the tears he'll smile same as always but if he learns that he did that Lan Wangji- if he did that to others- then he will be weighed down so much he'll end up standing still.
Then again life has fucked with him this much so did he really expect better?
I did art of monster WWX
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