Chapter 18 - My Dark Disquiet

Once again, I opened my eyes to find myself in Niko's dream. This time though, I wasn't in the middle of the enormous wheat field from before. Instead, I was right in the middle of the village that I had seen in the last dream. Niko's village.

From what I could see, there was a kind of clock tower overlooking a small fountain that I was next to. Dirt paths branched off from the fountain to other areas of the village, including several smaller houses that surrounded the area, most of them looking similar to one another. However, there was one house in particular that I felt drawn to.

The door was slightly open and from what I could hear, there were two voices coming from inside, one older and one younger. I recognized the younger voice as Niko, so I slowly opened the door. The only thing that I could see clearly was a table, Niko, and...a woman, carrying over a big plate of pancakes. She wore a yellow apron over a white shirt and a toboggan sat on top of her head. Her hair came down to a ponytail and draped over her shoulder with other clumps of hair sticking straight out, exactly like a cat's whiskers.

Niko was sitting at the table, eyeing the large stack of pancakes with anticipation and excitement as she bounced around in her seat. Her happiness made me smile and I began to chuckle as she began to wolf down the stack of pancakes, taking hardly any breaks. She stopped when she looked over at me. Her eyes became wider and her smile grew brighter. She waved over at me, motioning me to join the table. I started to make my way over to the table, but the light soon enveloped me and I awakened to find myself back on the bed in the Refuge.

I blinked away my grogginess before attempting to rub my eyes. A weight on my left arm caused me to look over and see that Niko was still hanging onto it, even as she too started to wake up. The light from the lightbulb gleamed off her face as she yawned and rubbed her eyes, taking a minute to realize her position before she looked at me.

I chuckled, "I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you slept well."

She nodded, still a bit groggy, "Mhm…" She let go of my arm and sat up, "I had another dream…Mama was there."

I sat up with her, "Was that who that lady was?"

She nodded, "You were there too, so it makes sense that you saw her." Her eyes quickly lit up, "She made me pancakes! I...think it was my birthday." She smiled at me, "Cause people always get their favorite food on their birthday!"

I chuckled, "Judging from how you ate those pancakes, I can definitely believe that."

"Do you have a birthday, Alan?"

I scratched my head, "I do...but it's been a while since then."

"Oh!" she tilted her head, "Then...what's your favorite food?" Her eyes widened, "Is it pancakes? Wait, DO you like pancakes?"

"It's been a while, but I'd say I enjoy them." Her bubbly nature started to make me laugh, "You're really passionate about pancakes!"

"Well, yeah! On my last birthday, I ate ten of them!" she shut her eyes, "I was so full I didn't eat anything else that day…"

I smirked, "Those must have been good pancakes then."

She grinned at me, "My mama makes the best pancakes! And some of the neighbors make really good noodles." She hopped up onto her knees, "And oh! One of our neighbors makes a lot of bread!"

I felt a slight growl come from my stomach, "That all sounds really good, to be honest…"

"Do you have any neighbors?"

"Not...really," I hesitated.

She frowned, "Oh...That sounds a bit...lonely."

I shook my head, "It doesn't bother me that much."

She tilted her head, "Well, our neighbors and my mama take turns making food for the whole village each day. Everyone also takes turns doing chores and watching the little kids!"

"Does that include you?"

"I don't need to be watched anymore," she said, shaking her head, "I'm old enough to help out!"

"Oh? You seem pretty young to me."

"I'm only ten years old! That's old enough!" She stuck her tongue out.

"I don't know…I mean, I've been watching over you this whole time." I poked her cheek, "Doesn't that count?"

She playfully batted away my hand and started laughing. I laughed along with her until we both fell back onto the bed. Our laughter quieted down after a while. I looked over at Niko, who was still trying her best to calm her giggles.

She slowly fell silent and I watched as her smile slowly faded away, replaced by a pensive look. She sat up and stared at nothing in particular.

I moved closer and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Niko? You alright?"

She sighed, "...I miss everyone." She glanced over at me, "I've been gone for a while now, haven't I? I wonder if they're worried about me…"

I frowned, "I'm sure they are, but you'll see them again soon. I promise."

She smiled before she fell back into silence. I wrapped my arm around her and gave her a small hug, hoping to cheer her up a little bit.

She leaned into my chest and we stayed like that for a while. Just then, a thought occurred to me. She always had talked about her Mom, but what about…?

"Hey, Niko?"

"Hmm?"

"If you don't mind me asking...I've always heard you talk about your Mom, but...what about your dad?" I peered down at her, "I don't think I've heard you say anything about him…"

Her eyes darkened, enough for me to immediately begin to backpedal, "Sorry...I didn't mean to make you sad-"

"It's okay," she said. She was silent before she took a deep breath, "I...never knew him."

I froze. Never knew him…?

"My mama told me he left after I was born, so I never got to know him."

"So it's...just you and her?"

Tears began to well up in her eyes as she nodded, "Sometimes I...wish I could've met him, but…"

It felt like I had been shot in the heart. All this time, she had been carrying her own weight…Just like I was.

She reached up to wipe away the tears as I found myself staring at her. What could I do?

…

"I…"

Niko looked up at me as I felt the words catch in my throat.

"I-I.."

She should know...She's already shown you that you both are more similar than either of you realize…

"I-I understand, Niko…"

She tilted her head before I quickly pulled her into my arms, my body starting to tremble.

"...M-More than you realize..."

I felt her look up at me, but she stayed silent.

Now is the time. Tell her. She deserves to know.

"...You...you asked why I never liked to talk about...myself, right?"

She slowly nodded.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself, "The truth is...I...never knew my father either...Or my mother."

I heard her gasp as she froze.

"They...both left me, just after I was born…" I continued, "I'm...pretty much an orphan. Most of my life was spent in an orphanage."

"B-but…" I heard her stutter, "...you still had a family?"

"...Not much of one."

She leaned out of my embrace and gazed up at me. I was still trembling, but I stayed in control of my emotions, distancing myself from them. I took another deep breath and matched her gaze, "I lived in an orphanage for practically my whole life." I pointed at myself, "My name? Alan? That was a name I gave to myself. None of the nurses bothered giving me a name and no one at the orphanage wanted to, so that's what I started calling myself." I let my gaze drop, "I was taught everything I would have learned in a normal school there. Reading, writing, numbers...but I taught myself everything else. Things I would need to know in order to survive on my own. I only did so because I had no other friends there. I always seemed to be the outcast, no matter what happened there." Another deep breath, "Eventually, when I was fourteen, a family came by. Parents that already had two older boys and I was the one they ended up adopting. At first, I...I thought I was actually going to be happy there, but I quickly learned that that wasn't what they had planned."

I paused. Niko's gaze hadn't wavered. She was listening to every word I said, though she definitely was shocked by what I was telling her.

I kept going, "For the next three years, all they did was make me their personal servant. They still fed me and gave me a place to sleep, but they made it very clear that I wasn't really a part of their family. When I wasn't working, my 'brothers' made it a habit to make me miserable. Most of the time usually was spent trying to lock me in their basement." I chuckled darkly, "Which is where my fear of the dark ended up coming from." I could feel my chest heave with anger, but still, I continued, "Soon though, I just got so angry with everything. My mom and dad for leaving...this 'family' for putting me through so much torment...so I decided. A couple days after I turned seventeen, I took everything that I would need like food, water, clothes, money, and...I left. It's been...eight months since then…" I felt my hands clench as I looked up at Niko, "You remember when you asked where I lived? The truth is...I don't. I've just been traveling across my world, only stopping in cities to find more food and money. The only thing I'm scared of is that someone will find me and take me back...and I refuse to go back."

I looked away, "...So now you know. Why I never like talking about myself. Why I was so worried about telling you…" I felt my chest tighten as I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

I glanced over at her. Tears had begun to fall down her face, which she constantly tried to wipe away with little success, "S-So that's w-why…"

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you this upset…but...I just…" I sighed, "...You're the first person that I've ever considered a friend, Niko, and...I just didn't want you to-"

I couldn't finish. Niko lunged towards me, wrapping me tightly in a hug that outdid all the others, "D-Don't...don't say that y-you didn't want me to worry…"

I hesitated at first but soon returned the embrace. I still held back my tears. Even with Niko saying she was still going to worry about me, I wasn't going to break down for her. Especially when we were so close to the end.

She hugged me tighter, "I told you before...back in the Barrens…You're my friend...and friends take care of each other."

I let a single tear fall, "Thank you, Niko…"

We stayed like that, letting me take comfort in the fact that, even after telling her, she was still willing to be there for me, like I was for her. This whole journey, meeting Niko...Maybe that was the "gift" that the note talked about. I could find someone that cared...that made me feel like I belonged.

She let go of me. Her eyes had returned to their normal glow as she smiled warmly at me, "Thank you for telling me, Alan…" Her gaze fell, "I...know it probably wasn't easy."

I softly smiled back, "Knowing you're here and that you care makes it easier."

With one last hug, Niko grabbed the lightbulb from underneath the covers and hopped off the bed. I didn't move, still processing my emotions. A hand from Niko shook me out of my stupor. After one last deep breath, I stood up. My neck, arms, and legs weren't sore, something I wasn't used to given that I hadn't slept on a bed in a long time.

With a nod towards Niko, we walked out of the room and headed back to the elevator.

"Oh hey, welcome back…" we heard from inside the elevator. The man from before was still holding the door open for us, even after all this time, "That...sure took you a while, huh…"

I facepalmed at myself, "Ah geez, sorry about that…"

"You've been waiting for us this whole time?" Niko asked, "And...holding the door open?"

He shifted around, "Well, I, uh...didn't want to be rude…"

"We probably should've told you to go on ahead…" I sighed.

"Eh, don't worry about it," he shrugged.

Niko and I got into the elevator as the man let the doors shut behind us. With a click of the button that took us to the ground level, faint elevator music began to play, filling the silence.

We all stood around, waiting for when we eventually reached our destination, though it quickly started turning a little bit awkward.

The man coughed, "Sure is taking a while…"

"Mhm!" Niko hummed in response.

He shifted around a little and I thought I could hear him mumbling something, "Oh goodness gracious I'm stuck in an elevator with the messiah and also literally god themself this is awkward."

"Oh, maybe we can chat to pass the time, then?" Niko blurted out, causing the man to jump.

"You heard me?!" he quickly coughed, "I mean, sure…"

Niko rocked her head from side to side before she spoke, "So...what do you do at your job? You seem really busy!"

"I, uh...fix lights, mostly," he said, "But now I also deliver and refill high-energy phosphor to structures that need them."

"High energy?" I probed.

"Y'know, the super-concentrated glowy stuff they had to process in factories. It's what powers most of this city's stuff."

"Oooh!" Niko crooned.

"We used to have a small army of delivery robots doing that...but lately a bunch of them have been breaking down?" he scratched his beard, "So until they fix them, I'll just have more work on my plate. I haven't slept in so long…" he added with a sigh.

"When will the robots get fixed?"

He shrugged, "I have no idea. It's all up to the scientists over at the labs." His eyes went wide, "But they seem REALLY concerned about something else lately…" he said, shaking his head, "Never a good sign when even the smart folks are worried."

I tilted my head, "Well, what about the city in general?"

"It's quite big!" Niko added.

"It's smaller than it looks," he replied, "Getting pretty crowded too...First, there were the refugees from the Barrens, and now more Glen folks are moving in too." He shrugged again, "It's just safer here, y'know? I mean, it's not a haven by any means. We get more of that square stuff here than anywhere else, apparently."

"Maybe it's 'cause we're so close to the Tower?" I asked.

"Whatever the reason, we're lucky it only seems to affect the city's infrastructure. The landmass itself is still holding up...which is good since there isn't much solid land here in the first place."

"Hmm…" Niko mumbled, "Oh! Can you tell us about the library? We're supposed to go there!"

"Oh yeah, that's one of my main delivery spots. Those reading lights are pretty high-maintenance…" he cringed, "But I feel out of place surrounded by smart people!" He said, shaking his head, "Well, I guess you're both pretty smart, so you'll fit in fine."

As he finished, the elevator stopped and the doors opened, revealing the ground level of the Refuge. The skyscrapers we once stood over now loomed over us.

The man turned to us, "Anyway, it was nice meeting you...uh…"

"Niko!"

I saw his mouth twitch for a second, "...Right. See you around, you two. Gotta run now!" He grabbed onto his hat and sprinted down the street, the jars around his waist bobbing up and down.

"He seems in a hurry…" I mumbled.

"We should hurry too, Alan! People are counting on us!"

I looked up at the Tower, which now loomed closer than ever. Knowing that we were near the end unsettled me a little.

I felt Niko grab onto my hand. Looking at her, she smiled at me, her eyes reflecting the same warm look she gave me back in the bedroom.

I was still worried about what would soon happen when we reached the Tower, but telling Niko about me put me more at ease. She was right. This world was counting on us, and the sooner we saved this world, the sooner Niko would get back home.

I nodded and we began making our way down the street to look for the library, side by side.