Found an unpublished draft of chapter 17 in my google drive and thought I'd publish it after a looong break. If there's interest, maybe I'll try to keep it going :)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead.

Diary of the Dead Days

Part 2: Hershel's Farm

Chapter Seventeen
True Intentions

It was safe to say our meeting was cut short, we weren't able to work out the small details of how we were going to handle integrating Randall into our group. Dale was the only one who had volunteered for the work and assumed all responsibility if someone were to get hurt because of Randall. Figuring out a schedule would wait till morning. The rest of us decided to head back to our camp, allowing the family a chance to talk to their son about their newest addition. Carl, at first, seemed upset about not being told but that quickly faded away as the excitement of being an older brother replaced his anger. Sophia and Rose were also excited about the news of the baby. For everyone else, it was hard to feel happy. I felt a bit of anger towards Lori, she was recklessly bringing a baby into this unforgiving, hellish world. Even if the child managed to live long enough, this wasn't a life to live.

I had lowered the back seats into the floorboard, extending the back of the van to a flat surface. All of our blankets were sprawled out to form a two-person cot, this was much more comfortable than Rose sleeping on the backseat while I slept in the driver's seat. Out of habit, I tried looking for my diary so I could write about what had just happened but then I realized it was still missing. I would have to find it tomorrow before it gets lost forever. My sister and I laid down in our bed, Ripley joining us by sleeping in the space between us. Rose was still finding it hard to sleep, her curious mind was filled with many questions. I answered as many as possible, my eyes were becoming heavy with sleep until Rose asked me something that forced myself awake.

"How did Lori get pregnant?" Rose inquired. We were facing each other, and I suddenly had the urge to turn the other way and ignore her, "How do babies happen?"

Of course, Rose wasn't given the talk, she was too young to yet hear about it in school and our parents were too bashful to discuss such a subject with their ten-year-old daughter. Rose kept looking at me with genuine curiosity, waiting for my explanation. I laid there with my mouth opened, unsure what to tell Rose. This reaction I had only sparked her curiosity more, her questions became more detailed.

"Does Rick have something to do with it?" Rose continued, "I know mom and dad somehow made me, but I don't know exactly what happened."

Then the question that made my face turn hot with embarrassment, "What is sex?"

"Rose!" I squeaked, seriously hoping no one could hear our conversation. The only things I knew about sex was what I learned in school and what I read in my books. I didn't find it embarrassing while I listened to the teacher explain things, and I barely blushed anymore when I read the raunchy, lustful scenes from my books, but talking about it to another person was a whole different scenario.

"Please? My friends all knew what it was and laughed at me when I didn't know." There was a flash of sorrow in Rose's eyes when she mentioned her friends, the few close friends she used to have before everything changed, but it was soon gone as she was determined to get answers.

I had no idea how to tell my sister, I didn't even know where to begin. Instead, I reached for the cardboard box that sat with the rest of our supplies and grabbed one of our flashlights. I searched through the box of my book collection, pulling out one of my romance novels. I had flipped through the pages, finding a particular scene before handing it over to Rose.

"Read," I instructed, giving her the flashlight.

Her expressions changed as she read more and more, she stopped every now and then to ask me questions and I would try to answer the best I could without stuttering and blushing. After the initial awkwardness and weird embarrassment, our conversation felt normal. This was one of the first times that I really felt connected with my sister. Sure we were sisters, we always talked to each other but never this intimately. Our age differences created a strange wall between us, now it seemed like I was speaking to her as I would to a best friend.

"I kinda like Carl, i-its just a crush though." Rose admitted in a hushed tone, averting her eyes to the ground, "D-Don't say anything, please."

"I won't." I smiled, making a mental note to keep a closer eye on the children, "Does Sophia know?"

"I haven't said anything." Rose said, "Do you like anyone?"

I was expecting her to ask something like that, but it still caught me off guard. I swallowed, twiddling my thumbs underneath the blankets as I thought about her question. Even though things had been quite peaceful since we stayed at the farm, a lot of things had happened with looking for Rose and Sophia, the walkers in the barn, letting Aaron join our group, Beth nearly killing herself, and now dealing with Randall. I hadn't had time to think of romance, it was on the bottom of my list of priorities and even then it still felt like I had no one.

"What about Glenn?" Rose inquired, getting impatient with my hesitation.

"He has Maggie," I explained. I tried being his friend back in Atlanta, allowing him to borrow two of my books and hoping to form some sort of friendship. Though ever since he met Maggie, our small friendship had slowly diminished, and I still wondered if he ever bothered reading my books. No one else within the group was really within my age group. There was one of the boys from the farm, but we barely interacted and he didn't seem that interesting. My thoughts lingered towards Daryl and I felt my stomach twist into a knot. I had written several passages about him in my diary, describing the awkwardness I felt around him and the gratitude for his never-ending attempts to find Rose when she was missing and how he had helped me with archery lessons. I quickly shook away those thoughts when I thought of his age. He was still a private person and the topic of age never came up, but I knew he was definitely much older than I.

Rose grew bored with my silence and changed the subject back to Carl. While she was talking about the games they would play and how she enjoyed spending time with him, I reflected back to my diaries entries and how I wrote to my mom about this strange figure in my life and I transitioned from feeling scared of him and his brother to how Daryl made me feel safe but nervous at all the same time. I internally cringed, making a note to run through another search in the van for it, thinking that it may just be under the seats.

We continued talking throughout the night, I shared with Rose my past 'relationships' and her recalling boys she would chase on the playground at school, our voices became soft murmurs until both our eyelids could no longer hold open.

Since Randall was decided to be integrated into our group, Dale walked with him and gave him a tour of the farm. Andrea had accompanied them, pistol always in her hand and ready to fire at any time. Breakfast had been cooked inside the house with Beth and Carol serving everyone fresh eggs from the chicken coup with homemade bread and butter. Aaron and Jimmy, along with T-Dog every now and then, had been harvesting the wheat for the past few days and the last of the fall crops were gathered by Maggie and Beth. Shane had been absent from breakfast, probably still sulking about how the Randall situation turned out, and Daryl wasn't there either but he rarely joined when we all ate together. Daryl was hardly the outcast he had been in Atlanta, he earned a permanent place in our group when he searched so diligently for Sophia and Rose, and now Rick even trusted him as he trusted Shane and even more so it seemed. Though his loner and antisocial behaviors were hard to break.

After breakfast, Rose played with Carl and Sophia as she always did as I ventured towards Daryl's campsite, still isolated from the others. Carol had personally delivered him his breakfast, he finished his eggs and was slowly eating his bread. He glanced up towards me once he heard my footsteps. I felt myself wince a little as he stared at me, the images of Randall's bruised and bloodied face flashed in my mind. The wounds inflicted on him by Daryl were still very visible now and it seemed like Dale took extra to care to make sure Randall didn't cross paths with Daryl. He always seemed rough around the edges, but I thought he was a kind person not capable of brutally torturing someone.

"You wanna talk?" Daryl's voice had interrupted my thoughts.

I took a seat on the ground next to the fire, the warmth offering relief from the chilly morning air. It wouldn't be long until winter. I had long lost track of days since everything happened, and I didn't realize it was late October until Rose showed me her calendar this morning. She started talking about Halloween and how in two months it would be my birthday. I glanced at Daryl, I was having trouble finding my voice. This was the first time I would ever be telling someone this story, and when I did tell him what was he going to do? Hurt my cousin like he did Randall? Call me an idiot and tell me to get over it and that he was just a kid? My heart was pounding in my chest, I double-checked to make sure Aaron wasn't around.

"He went with Andrea and Shane to hunt walkers down by the fields." He said as if he knew what I was thinking.

After a deep breath, I told him everything about Aaron in one big rambling story. I told him about how Aaron's father abused him and how my family took care of my cousin and then how he treated me. How he bullied me until I was in tears and once I started to avoid him, how Aaron drowned those kittens and how he continued to torture animals. Even when Aaron threatened me if I told anyone what he did. By the time I finished, I was shaking uncontrollably and I was sweating but I wasn't cold nor was I hot. I felt like an idiot, I kept my eyes on the fire and refused to look at Daryl.

"T-That's why I'm scared for him to be around Rose and Ripley, I don't trust him. I know he was only eight when he did all that, but I just don't trust him." I said. I had brought my legs up to my chest and I was hugging myself tightly in order to make myself stop shaking.

"We gotta tell Rick," Daryl said sternly.

"No." I cried out, my voice full of fear. I don't know why I was so afraid, I've dealt with walkers and even survived a herd, but my cousin left me feeling scared beyond reasoning. Because walkers are predictable, people aren't.

By now my eyes were torn from the fire, looking pleadingly at Daryl not to say anything. He hadn't laughed at me or brushed me off like I had imagined he would, instead this was the most serious I've ever seen him other than when he was looking for Rose and Sophia. Anger was also present with his seriousness, his eyes narrowed in anger and frustration and his fists were clenched. If Aaron were here, I'd almost think Daryl would have attacked him.

"I mean what would Rick do?" I continued, breaking the tense filled silence that was forming, "Would he kill him or kick him out for something he might do?" Like Randall?

"I'll keep an eye on him," Daryl's voice seemed scary to me, "If he does anything, I'll take care of him."

I nodded, the tears were still welling in my eyes. I felt relief as the burden I carried for so many years was finally released, I told someone and they believed me. I had blacked out these dark memories for so long and it felt like I had lived all those events over again in the past few days. I rubbed my eyes, whispering an inaudible excuse about needing to start chores. I walked off, still feeling Daryl's gaze as I left.

Shane had been keeping a close eye on Randall, watching every movement he made and examined very carefully how Dale was taking his responsibility. Dale would make sure not to get too close to Shane to avoid unnecessary conflict and I'm sure he felt his burning gaze. Even though Andrea was enough of a guard, Shane was fully ready to pounce at the slightest hint of hostility from the boy. Dale and Andrea were the only ones who interacted with him, Dale wasn't sure he was ready to meet everyone else, and I didn't think we were ready to accept him either. It was a unanimous decision and the humane thing to do, but it would have been easier to end his life. Now there was a constant fear of Randall running away to his friends or the thought of them coming to look for him.

The thing that bothered me the most was how Ripley was acting, his ears were pricked up and his eyes alert. Normally, he would be lounging on the front porch sitting by Hershel in the rocking chair or playing with children. Now he refused to leave my side and was even more anxious when Rose wasn't within his eyesight. I was the only one who noticed his strange behavior, but I wasn't sure how to voice my thoughts. Was it really necessary for me to bother Rick or Daryl every time my dog's ear perked up?

It was nearing the end of the day, in a few hours the sun would be below the horizon and we'd be asleep to hopefully wake up another day. I had been concerned with Randall's situation and how oddly Ripley had been behaving, I barely noticed Aaron approaching me. I felt a sick twist in my stomach as I saw him. I had been sitting at the picnic table observing everyone around camp after I had helped Lori with washing dishes from dinner, which was mostly bean rations and more eggs, and Carol with laundry.

"Hey, Lily." Aaron grinned, taking a seat too close to me. I wanted to scoot away but I felt as if that would be a sign of weakness and he could pick up on my fear of him.

Ripley circled around to face Aaron, his stance almost threatening. There were times when I wasn't able to keep an eye on both Aaron and Ripley at the same time, and I wasn't sure if my cousin tried hurting my dog but I could tell Ripley was uncomfortable around him.

"What?" I tried my hardest to keep myself steady, I always started to shake when he was around.

"I found this lying around," Aaron smirked, setting my diary on the table, "Thought it was Rose's at first with the puppies, but it turned out to be yours."

The moment my hand reached out for the diary, Aaron swiftly pulled it away. We were the only ones at the main camp, the others were either guarding the camp, preparing for nightfall, or out searching for any resources.

"What's your problem." I almost snarled, still grabbing for my diary and he still kept it out of reach. I felt like a kid again, how Aaron used to rile me up and bully me before he started playing rough and hitting me.

"It's kinda boring though, all you talk about is your dead friend and your dead parents." He emphasized the word 'dead' in a mocking tone, insulting both my parents and Amy. It angered me more than it should have, my arm stretching out more to the point I was about to fall over on Aaron, "And your stupid crush on that old redneck is hilarious."

I felt something snap, I wanted to hurt him. No, I wanted to kill him. I never felt such a strong emotion before even when I was a kid when he was torturing me as a child, pinching me enough to feel pain but not enough to leave any evidence. I never wished someone dead until now and this sudden change scared me. As I became self-aware of these intense, scary feelings, I stopped myself and refused to play along with Aaron's games anymore.

I could see a hint of surprise in Aaron's face as I gave up trying to get back my diary and narrowed my eyes in defiance at him. It almost seemed like he was disappointed that I hadn't reacted out of anger and hit him as I had done as a child.

"What do you want, Aaron?" I spoke through gritted teeth and felt my body visibly shaking. A smug smirk danced across Aaron's face.

"I'm only teasing, Lil'." Aaron smiled before returning my diary gently in front of me on the table, "I really like this group and I hope you know if it wasn't for me, both our dear Rosie and Sophia would be dead right now."

I knew he was right, if he hadn't found my sister and Sophia, we could have very well found them in that barn rather than the highway, safe and sound. I was confused by his motives, why had he gone out of his way to help random children? Has he truly changed?

"I spent most of my time in and out of juvie after child services took me in, mostly for petty theft and shoplifting." Aaron started, his hands now folded on the table, "I don't know what happened to my dad after he left, I know the bastard killed my mom."

I shifted uncomfortably, my parents had explained to my younger self what happened to my aunt and uncle. The left out what happened to Aaron, but at the time I didn't really care, I was happy to be free from him.

"I did a lot of dumb shit as a kid, Lil'." Aaron looked me in the eyes now, his dark gaze searching mine, "I don't want that affecting my new life."

I swallowed hard, not knowing how to respond. His tone had completely changed from earlier from the person who had stolen my diary and mocked me for my personal writings. The silence grew between us and as it did, Aaron's gaze darkened even more as his lips curled downward into a frown.

"It'd be a shame if Rose got lost again."

Thanks to anyone still reading this story :')