Negan had never been the most romantic man in the world, that much was certain – but as he lay there surrounded by bubbles with the most beautiful, petite girl between his legs, he felt a swell in his chest that worried him.
She had come into his life and turned the whole goddamn thing upside down. Feelings that he thought he would never again feel for a woman that wasn't his wife were growing stronger and stronger each time he saw her – and he didn't have a damn clue what he was going to do about it.
He couldn't say exactly when he knew that he'd fallen for her, just that he had – and hard.
And as she lay there, her perfect body pressed up against his, he couldn't help but wonder when she would walk away from him for good. He couldn't give her what she wanted, what she truly deserved, that much he'd already told her.
Gen was beautiful, sweet, kind-hearted, intelligent and a hellcat in the bedroom – all the qualities any sane man would look for in a woman. Negan couldn't help but almost feel guilty at keeping her all to himself, away from someone who could actually give her what she deserved in life. She was 22 years old, had the world at her feet, yet she was unashamedly his.
When she'd tried to end things between the two of them, that was when he realised that he could no longer pretend that it was all about the sex. He could get that anywhere. He knew he was good with women and easy on the eye; a perfect combination for pretty girls in worn down bars. The feeling of completion he got when he was with her was down to more than just the mind-blowing sex, and Negan knew it.
Maybe that was why he'd felt the need to tell her that he would never cross that line with her, because he was terrified of the feelings that refused to be ignored – no matter how hard he tried to push them down.
"It's my birthday next week, did you know that?"
Her sweet voice pulled him out of his thoughts, her head turning up to look at him, her bright blue eyes locking with his.
"Is that so, princess?"
She stalled for a moment, wringing her hands together and biting down on her plump bottom lip, her cheeks still aflame from her rippling orgasms. Negan would never fail to be mesmerized at the sight of her flushed skin.
"I know this is probably completely impossible and I don't even know why I'm asking you this, well I'm not asking really…I just…would you…never mind." Gen shook her head softly, resting it back against his chest and bringing her knees up out of the water, up against her own chest.
"Well shit, now I'm curious. Go on."
Sitting forward, the curve of her spine glistening wet, she hugged her legs up against herself and rested her cheek upon her knees – a deep sigh falling from her mouth.
"There's no point, honestly. Sometimes I forget, you know? Forget that this isn't a relationship, that it's not real, that you can't just be with me whenever I want you to without worrying about who might see."
"Hey…" Negan sat forward, his arms wrapping around her waist and his chin resting on her shoulder. Leaving a soft kiss against the skin just below her ear, he squeezed her gently before continuing. "Don't you ever say this isn't real, do you hear me? It feels pretty fuckin' real to me. We both know I can't be there whenever you need me, and trust me baby, it fuckin' sucks; but your birthday is a whole different ballgame sweetheart. What do you need?"
"I highly doubt you can give me what I need this time Negan; unless of course you're happy to out our affair to the entire town at my birthday party?"
"Fuck. Princess…"
"Its fine." And it really was. She hadn't expected anything different, didn't even know why she'd bothered bringing it up in the first place. It just seemed odd that half an hour ago, he had his cock up her ass but had no idea when her birthday was. Gen felt him squeeze her just that little bit tighter while his lips ghosted her shoulder. "Honestly, Negan I get it. It's fine. If you wanna make it up to me, wash my hair? I could murder a head massage."
His laughter rumbled against her bare skin, his beard scratching at her softly. He didn't say a word, simply grabbed the miniature bottle of shampoo from the side of the tub, gently pulled out her ponytail and got to work.
If she could have melted into a puddle, she would have. The way his fingernails scraped against her scalp sent tiny shockwaves through her nervous system. The feel of warm water rushing down her back made her shudder slightly, and she couldn't quite believe that in the space of six months she could feel so completely at ease in his company. The sex, the cuddling – nothing was as intimate as him washing her, caring for her. The softness of his touch compared to that of an hour ago was so completely different, but yet, the affection she felt was exactly the same.
"Oh my god…"
"Well fuck, where have I heard that sound before? If I'd known it was this easy…"
"If you'd known it was this easy, you'd have still done it the hard way. More fun."
Gen simply shrugged as he laughed, tilting her head back so he could rinse the suds from her hair.
Wrapping her long, golden locks around his fist to wring them out, Negan pulled her back against him firmly, less gentle but no less tender.
"Sure as shit it's more fun baby, wanna go again?" His teeth nipped at the nape of her neck as she giggled, all trace of awkwardness and tension gone.
"You're insatiable, you know that?" Gen teased, knowing full well that she could be utterly exhausted, yet she'd still find the energy to do whatever he wanted. She was sure that he knew it too.
"What can I say, princess? You do somethin' to me." Negan lifted himself up, stepping out of the bathtub and wrapping a towel around his waist. Gen couldn't help her tongue sweeping across her bottom lip as she watched little rivulets of water running gracefully down his abdomen.
"Oh I highly doubt that. I have a feeling you've always been a live wire."
Gen stood, taking hold of Negan's outstretched hand, curling her fingers around his as she stepped out onto the bathmat, bubbles still clinging to her hot skin. They stood there for a moment, just looking at one another, taking in the sight and memory of every single movement in case it was the last. They had both learned not to take a moment for granted. It had become a habit of theirs ever since Gen had panicked and cut him off.
Neither of them knew how long their relationship would last, and neither of them wanted to take even a second of it for granted. Negan pressed a kiss to her temple before reaching for a towel and wrapping around her shoulders, rubbing at her like a parent might do with a child. She couldn't help the giggle that fell from her mouth as he ruffled her hair with a second towel, drying it out a little.
"Somethin' funny princess?"
"I'm just not used to people taking care of me like this, that's all." Her voice was barely more than a whisper, a pink tinge gracing her cheeks as she stood there in front of him. "It's nice."
"I gotta look after my girl, right? Come on…" Negan took hold of her hand once again, leading her back into the bedroom. "You eat?"
Gen shook her head, drying off her legs before reaching in her overnight bag for her trusty Stevie Nicks shirt. Throwing it over her head, she flopped down onto the crumpled bedsheets and enjoyed the cool breeze from the air con beating down on her skin for a moment.
"You want pizza? I am fuckin' starved, and I blame you for it." Negan winked at her, flopping down on the bed next to her with his phone in one hand and a takeout menu in the other.
"Yeah, yeah. Not my fault you can't keep up, old man."
"The fuck have I told you about that 'old man' shit? You're headed for another spankin' princess." The smirk on his face accompanied by the jovialness in his tone told her that he was joking, but she didn't want him to be.
"Can I be honest for a sec? I've never done anything like…that before. Not with anyone. Never even wanted to. I have no idea how you've managed to bring it out in me, so bravo."
"Sweetheart, you wanted it. Deep down, you wanted it. Just not with any guy. You gotta feel comfortable and safe to wanna do that shit, and I'd like to think you feel comfortable and safe with me, right?"
"I do. There's…other stuff. Stuff I'd like to try, maybe."
Negan rolled over onto his side, propping himself up with his elbow, eyebrows raised slightly in interest. "Please, continue."
"Order that pizza first old man, I'm starving."
An hour later, and stuffed to the brim with double pepperoni, Gen and Negan lay on the bed, stomachs full and hearts happy as they relaxed, their fingers entwined while they watched some awful reality tv.
"Shit, these broads. Look, look at her! She'd fuckin' melt if she spent too long in the sun!"
Gen threw her head back, unable to hold in her laughter while she listened to him tear apart The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, cast member by cast member. "Ouch, fuck. I'm so full, don't make me laugh."
"Princess, if I weren't in a food coma, I'd totally make an innuendo right now. But fuck, I can't move, let alone be a smart ass. Jesus fuck, come on Camille! Get a grip lady!"
"Who'd have known you'd make such a good narrator. Maybe you should host the reunion? Scantily dressed women launching themselves at each other? Definitely your kind of gig."
Dread filled Gen as Negan's phone began to ring, and they both knew exactly who it would be. Gen couldn't determine if it was guilt or jealousy she felt when he pulled on his jeans, grabbed his phone, and made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She could hear various bits and pieces from his responses, but not enough to make any sense of what they were talking about. Swinging her legs around and setting her bare feet on the carpet, Gen stood up and walked over to check her own phone.
For a moment, she was simply confused – stunned even. Waiting there for her to open was a message from Tommy. She hadn't spoken to him since that afternoon when another woman had so graciously answered his phone, hadn't heard a single word from him. What could he possibly want after weeks of radio silence?
'Hey, you wanna grab a coffee sometime? I miss you x'
She was irritated. Irritated that he had the audacity to even consider pulling that shit after how things had ended between the two of them. Sure, she was in love with his father – she wasn't innocent by any stretch of the imagination, so far from innocence that she would probably burst into flames if she'd dared to set foot in a church, but he didn't know that and somehow, that justified her irritation. But she would deal with him another day, a day when she wasn't consumed with intense love and lust for his father.
"Everything okay princess? You look pissed. Is it about…" Gen looked up at Negan holding up his own phone, gesturing to it.
"No, no it's not that. Don't worry about it. Everything okay?" It was as much detail as she could bare to ask for. She didn't really want to know how things were, didn't want to hear what the phone call was about – didn't even want to acknowledge Lucille's existence.
"Everything's fine princess. I can see from the look on your pretty face that you don't want to know, so I'm not spillin'. C'mere."
Gen was in his arms before she knew it, his face buried in her damp hair on top of her head. She could feel his heart beating against her cheek and his warmth breath tickling her forehead. He felt like home. Like a white picket fence and warm apple pie. He was becoming an anchor for her, and the more she thought about it, the more she questioned the promise she'd made him weeks ago in that barn.
She'd told him that she would never ask him to leave Lucille, and at that moment in time, she truly meant it. But as time went on, the more the thoughts crept in. Thoughts of the future, what it could be like. She wondered what it would be like to walk hand in hand with him down the sidewalk, what it would feel like to truly be his girl. Clenching her eyes tight shut, she desperately tried to push those thoughts out of her mind and focus on the here and now. Trying to cling on to the time that she had with him instead of wishing for more, for something that he simply couldn't give her.
"That brains a'tickin' baby, I can feel it. What's going on?"
Burying her face in his bare chest, she exhaled deeply – her breath tickling his skin, sending a shiver down his spine.
"I was just thinkin' about stuff, that's all. It's hard, you know?"
"Fuck baby, I know. Believe me, I know. I wish things were different. In another lifetime, maybe things could have been."
Gen felt tears pool in her eyes once again as she listened to him, a certain pain in his voice that made her lungs constrict. She'd never really considered before that he might be suffering just as much torment as her. She longed to ask him why things couldn't be different, why they couldn't just say 'fuck it' and do what made them happy – but she didn't. Instead she simply leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his knuckles grazing the curve of her waist and his soft lips against her temple.
"I know I said that I couldn't let you go, and fuck, it would leave one hell of a scar, but…" Gen looked up at him then, her big doe eyes boring into his searching for any sign that he wasn't about to say what she thought he was. "You're beautiful, you're young, you got your whole damn life ahead of you. Why are you wasting your time on me?"
There was no malice in his tone, just pure confusion, and bafflement. Was it not totally obvious to him? Was he that oblivious to how she felt?
"You said you couldn't say it, not ever, and if you meant that then…then you won't make me say it either." Her hand found his cheek, his eyes sparkling but not wet. Negan's eyes scanned her face for any trace of deception yet found none. She had as good as told him without saying the words, but with the way things were, he knew it would be utterly selfish of him to ask her to – but fuck, did he want to hear it. He wanted to hear her whisper it against his lips, to hear her scream it blindly as he made her fall apart beneath him – he wanted it all. "I can't end this again, Negan. I'm in this, for whatever you can give me."
With that, her lips found his in a desperate kiss, all thoughts of being without him once again urging her to pour her feelings into him, her tongue massaging against his softly. She couldn't tell him she loved him, but she could show him in the only way they both knew how in that moment.
Her petite hands rested on his chest, slowly pushing him towards the bed. Laying back against the crumpled covers, Negan was mesmerized by the sight of her climbing on top of him. Her damp, messy hair framing her beautiful, naked face; her pouty lips shining with the aftermath of their kiss. Lacing her fingers through his, Gen leant down to kiss him once again – her lips featherlight against his.
Her teeth nipped ever so lightly at his bottom lip before her kiss travelled, down his chin, across his jawline, stopping to pay special attention to the spot beneath his ear that made him weak at the knees.
Not a word passed between them while she tended to him, her fingers unlacing from his to pull her t-shirt up over her head. It wasn't about the sex – she just wanted to get as close to him as humanly possible. The feel of her bare breasts almost scorched him, the sensation causing his skin to prickle in reaction.
She made love to him that night, all night. No dirty praise fell from his lips, no words at all. Just two people, consumed with one another, desperate to live out the fairy tale behind the door of room 47 at the Savanah Garden hotel, locking themselves away from the world in which they lived in, each of them silently wishing that the other was truly theirs.