She hurried to the infirmary, listening to her and Ginny's footsteps echoing in the walls of the castle. There was a chill in the approaching night, the shy sun of the afternoon was fading away in a mist of grey and dark clouds that were welcoming the night. It fit the occasion perfectly. When the young witches entered the room, making the old doors ranged like a old tree, the director and professor McGonagall looked at them with an empathic look. Hermine notice that the teacher seemed really shaken by the situation, by the way her lip was twisted in an agonized and worried expression. She looked at the director who nodded at her with the usual sparkle in his eyes, even in troubled times. Sometimes Hermione hated that.
"Harry…" Hermione said touching gently in Harry's back that were facing a very pale and sick Ron. He looked like a ghost, as if all life was sucked from him.
Harry stood from the stair and hugged Hermione. The embrace felt nice, warm and familiar, like coming home. Hermione took the liberty to close her eyes, just for seconds, and feel the comfort that her best friend always gave her but she couldn't ignore the harsh reality, when she opened the eyes and stared at Ron's sick face. She finally surrenders for a minute and let the tears that threatened to break out since she knew what had happened to Ron.
"Is he going to be okay?" Hermione gained the courage to ask, ignoring the cracks in her voice.
"Yes. Of course, Miss Granger." Dumbledore said. "It looks like Ron was accidentally poisoned."
"How can someone be accidentally poisoned?" She said in an overly aggressive tone than she shouldn't when addressing the director.
"The liquor bottle was supposed to be for me." He said, calmly, as if it were just another death threat he received that day. "It was all a terrible situation, but thanks to Harry, your friend will be fine."
"Just give him a few hours and tomorrow he will be good as new." The teacher gave them a friendly smile. "He will be here all night."
The door to the infirmary opened again, this time even harshly and seconds later a sobbing Lavender appeared running to Ron's side.
"Oh! My Ron! I can't believe it." She said crying. "What the hell did you do to him?" She said looking straight at Hermione.
"Excuse me?" She replied incredulously.
"He always gets hurt when he's with you ... with you both." She said recognizing Harry who was standing next to Hermione, defensively. "He's not like both of you, he's got something to lose. People that love him."
"We are his best friends, you st…." Hermione replied.
"You better go, Lavender." Ginny intervened for the first time. Hermione looked back at her friend, thankful, because the words that were coming out of her mouth would make her parents very disappointed.
"I'm his girlfriend! I'm not leaving!" She said. Ron murmured something. "See! He's calling for me! "She brought her face close to Ron's, sucking all the air around him.
"Ridiculous." Hermione said quietly. Harry looked at her and nodded.
"Her ... Mione." Ron murmured, too low for anyone to hear. Dumbledore and the professor approached the scene, with curious eyes.
"What? I can't hear you darling" Lavender said stroking his face with her hand.
"Mione ... Hermione." This time everyone heard him. It was clear who he was calling.
A few seconds later, Lavender finally realized that it was not his name that Ron was calling but Hermione's. Tears streamed down her face and without saying a single word, she ran out slamming the infirmary door on his way out.
"Oh, to be young and feel love's keen sting!" Dumbledore said and left smiling. The teacher looked at the group with a glare and followed the director. "Children." She murmured, more to herself than to her students.
If Hermione could disappear right now, she would. Ron continued to murmur something that resembled her name. Over and over again.
Something fell painfully to the bottom of Hermione's stomach and she knew they weren't actually butterflies. The same ones that she felt for years for Ron and that came and went, as her mood and Ron's fluctuated. Now that a few years have passed between them, Hermione has come to the conclusion that compatibility was never exactly the strength of her and Ron's relationship. Something was always in the way, and for a long time she thought it just wasn't the right time, but now, maybe what had the way was both, who didn't want to get into something they weren't sure about.
"Hermione … he's calling for you." Ginny reminded her.
Guilt. That is the feeling that is at the bottom of your stomach. Seeing her best friend in her most vulnerable state, admitting any feelings he feels for her, made her feel like the worst person in the world.
"I don't know what to do." She said sincerely.
"Comfort him, Hermione." Harry said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. But why it felt so wrong?
Hermione nodded and sat down next to Ron's bed. He took his sweaty white hand and took it into his own. He looked so fragile to her. Opening his heart in the most vulnerable way possible.
"I'm here." She replied, on the verge of tears. "I'm here, Ron."
Ron opened his eyes slightly, weakly. "I... love you Mione. I do." He said softly before closing his eyes again. "I….". And then he fell asleep.
Hermione let his hand fall on the sheets again and stood up quickly, as if the chair had caught fire. Harry coughed, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, it felt like he was watching something he wasn't supposed too.
"Are you okay Hermione?" He asked. "I know he was with Lavender but you can't believe he was in love with her. He was only with her because you."
Hermione looked at Ginny who did not have the same vague and confused expression as Harry. On the contrary, she seemed to know exactly what Hermione was feeling. The urgency to get out of there.
"I need to get some air. I'll be right back." She said and ran out before anyone offered to go with her.
She walked out without a specific place in mind. She just walked fast, leaving the infirmary behind.
"Hermione! Wait" Ginny said behind her, catching her breathe.
"I just need a moment Ginny." She said, feeling suddenly very trapped in her own body.
"Ron probably won't remember what he just said to you out here. He's drugged in some heavy troll shit." Ginny said, smiling a little.
"I know but… I will live with the fact that he loves me. I will have to talk to him at some point."
"I know my brother is a pain in the ass but he really cares about you, Hermione." Ginny said with a confused expression "I'm not choosing any sides but I really thought you liked him. Since 4th year at least." She asked.
"I don't know. He got together with Lavender, he seemed fine to me Ginny." Hermione said, maybe too lightly for the topic in the matter. Maybe she should have pretended that he broke her heart by doing that.
"I know he said something to you that night at the party. Demanded a answer from you, didn't he? And it was before the whole Lavender thing."
"What are you saying Ginny? That I have to love your brother? We are not kids anymore. Ron's my best friend and I love him dearly but we are not meant to be together just because we are friends since we were 11!"
"Honestly Hermione I know you, and you didn't just stop liking Ron just like that. If that was the case, you would have done it already, before all of this."
"Ok, just tell me what you wanted me to say Ginny." Hermione said feeling her temper rise dangerously. "So, I can make everyone fucking happy!"
Ginny looked annoyed at her responded. "So, Malfoy is your adult safe bet." She said bluntly.
"What?" Hermione said shouting. She immediately looked around her just in case none of Draco's minions were around. "Did you lose your mind?"
"I just saw you two just minutes ago, holding hands, for fuck sake!" She answers back." Did you really think I didn't notice that you are never with us anymore. You are always in your room, that you actually shared with Malfoy."
"He's Head Boy and I'm doing an assignment with him! How can we get that over it if we don't actually do it together? I'm not let Malfoy ruin my grades." Hermione said, half telling the truth, half lying.
"Don't lie to my face Hermione. It doesn't suit you." Ginny said. Hermione just stared at her, waiting for this conversation to be over. But she just couldn't admit it what was going on with Draco. A part of her wanted to hold that to herself, cherish it, enjoy it without the final crash of reality fall upon her, without the judgment of her friends.
"I saw the way he looks at you." Ginny said sincerely and to that Hermione felt her cheeks grown hot. "At classes, when you are being your usual self and ignoring everyone. He stares. And not in a creepy way or… hateful way." Ginny said seeming calmer with her own words, like she was realizing something just now. "Just in a kind way."
"Ginny…" Hermione tried to explain but she couldn't. How can she put to words something she couldn't explain to herself? "It's not what you think but please don't tell the boys."
"Of course, I won't. But why didn't you tell me anything?
"Because I don't know what's going on. I really don't. I just… he's not the same and I supposed I'm not either." Hermione remembered their last conversation. "And it doesn't matter anymore."
"What do you mean?" She asked confused.
"C'mon Ginny. Do you really think a guy like Malfoy and me could ever have a chance? We are spearing each other heartbreak or worse." Hermione said, remembering his words. I can't watch you die because of me, Granger. "So, there's nothing really to tell."
"There's not?" Ginny asked, looking incredulous. "You basically just tell me that you and Malfoy were a thing."
"We are not a thing. We are friends, that's it. We just come to terms that we tolerate each other, in small doses." Hermione said. And kiss each other sometimes. That too. "Are you mad?" Hermione asked fearful.
"I'm confused that of all people you are friends with Malfoy. Are you sure you are not under a love potion or something?" She asked looking really serious.
Hermione smiled. "I promise you Ginny, I already wondered that myself. And I'm not."
"Well, then. Will you ever tell the boys the truth?" Ginny asked. Hermione had thought about it a hundred of times. It felt wrong to be with them and then come back to their room and just hang out with Draco. Talk about a variety of topics with him, while drinking tea or coffee. Discussing about classes and the professors. Laugh. Tease him. Offering him help. A way-out that would probably make her some sort of a traitor. She wouldn't blame them if they thought that of her, it felt a betrayal in many levels, specially the one that involved her kissing him. It would break Ron's heart and she would lose all the respect and bond she had with Harry.
"I don't know Ginny." She said honestly. "I don't want to lose any of them."
"I won't say anything but Hermione, they are your best friends probably for life, but you have a life of you own. If you find that Malfoy is worth it, of being in your life, I wouldn't judge you for putting yourself first, or him." Hermione nodded, unsure of what to say. Ginny words were not just something your best friend would say to support your poor choices of boys. It was something more. Was she talking about the times where they would be at different side of the war? Was Ginny supporting a world in which Hermione choose Draco over her friends, whatever that meant. She would never do that. Would she?
"I'm going back, to see Ron." Ginny said smiling lightly, trying to change the mood of the conversation.
"Fuck, I just remembered that we have that bloody assignment to finish tonight." She said touching her aching head. "If Ron awakes tell him I will be back later in the night. Thank you, Ginny... for everything. "She hugged her best friend.
"I will see you tonight." She responded with a warm smile and left, giving Hermione a last glance before disappearing.
With everything that happened tonight, Hermione had completely forgotten about the task they had to finish, while it was still full moon. If not, all the work that she and Draco had in the last month would be in vain. Hopefully, he was still in the dorm and they could finish this as soon as possible before time ran out. She could only imagine the disappointment in Snape face.
Hermione entered the room and immediately called for him, but without receiving an answer. Fuck. He must have been in the Slytherin dorm. She could go over there and drag him to the room to finish this task. Jesus Christ, the moon was in full capacity, right now would be the perfect time to finish the potion.
Quickly, she went to her room and grabbed some books and notes that would be absolutely necessary to make this potion. She was so focused on her organization that she didn't hear the bedroom door open and close, only to open it again. Then voices were heard, at first merely whispers but then clear as day. Hermione winced. It was professor Snape voice. Why was he in their bedroom? Did he find out they were terribly behind in the potion?
"I don't need a dog behind me." Draco said spitting out practically hate and outrage.
"Calm down now, Draco." Snape responds, in his usually monotonous tone as if it were too hard to move his lips to come out with understandable syllables. "You are being reckless, Draco. This is not the way. I understand that you are under a lot of pressure ..."
Draco laughed sarcastically. "You don't understand shit."
Hermione approached the door to her room, which she thanked herself for closing it behind her, in habit. They were in the living room, just a few steps from her.
"The director is suspicious, as you can imagine he would when he realized someone is trying to poison him." Snape said calmly as if he just had to list facts. "Do you really think the best wizard who ever lived was going to die because a 16-year-old kid tried to poison him?"
Hermione got away from the door like it was burning and she just got hurt. Absolute shook spread to her face. Was she dreaming about this?
"That was a bloody mistake." Draco said between his teeth.
"Which part? The one that almost involves the death of a former colleague?" Snap asked. "Don't think I'm not paying attention, Draco. Was it really a mistake?"
"How was I supposed to know that Weasel was going to drink from that bottle? I handed it to professor Slughorn." Draco said, trying to keep his voice detached and calm but failing.
Hermione was struggling between opening the door and exposing the whole conversation. Maybe go to Dumbledore office and tell the truth, once and for all. The damn secret she kept about Draco almost killed her best friend. Ron. In a way, she was complicit in all Draco's actions and it mate made her sick. What would Ron think of her now? And Harry?
There was a silence in the living room. "Where's Granger?" asked Snape.
"In the infirmary." Draco said unbothered.
"Does she suspect of anything?" he asked bluntly.
"What?" Draco asked confused. "What are you implying."
"You shared a room with her, she may have seen or heard something that involves the mission. I would hate for Miss Granger to me involved, we both know they wouldn't spare her."
Draco didn't say nothing right way. Hermione couldn't see his face but there was a clearly pause. "She doesn't know anything. I'm not a bloody idiot, I'm not spreading out the fucking mission. I know what I am doing."
"Do you, Draco? Really? Because it seems to be that you are just a boy playing with magic for the first time. Being reckless and stupid. Putting people on the line."
Draco laughed coldly. "Isn't that what we do professor? Sacrifice people for the cause? I don't need your lectures about what's right or wrong, you're just as fucked as any of them." Hermione heard steps across the room.
"I made a vow with your mother." Snape said in the same cold voice like nothing could got to him. Just a shallow and creepy man.
"Don't worry professor. You won't have to dirty your precious hands anymore. My death will be my own." Draco said simply. "Is that all?"
"For now." Snape said, merely a whisper and left. The door closed with a bang and Draco cursed out loud, throwing out something that smashed into little pieces at the floor.
Feeling the anger rise in her, Hermione opened the door, without thinking twice about what she was going to say. Draco stared at her, at first with shook but then a indifference reach his face like he understood what was coming for him. His eyes said everything. He did this to Ron. Was he ever going to tell her?
"Hermione…" He begins to say. "I don't know what you think you heard but I promise you..."
"Ron almost died because of you, you asshole!" Hermione yelled and pushing him back against the wall.
"That's was never my plan!" Draco yelled back, pushing his hair back. "Look…"
"What is your plan then? Kill Dumbledore? Are you really that blind, Draco?"
"I have to. I have no fucking choice." Hermione snorted. "Don't fucking do that!" He said pointing his finger at her. "Don't act all almighty with me, you would to the same for your family in a blink of an eye."
"I wouldn't kill an innocent people!" Hermione said angry with the assumption.
"Oh please. Spare me. You and Potter are just the same. Honestly, you deserved each other." He said hatefully. "Thinking you are better than anyone, with your high moral when they are just lies you tell yourself to feel good. You can't save anyone Granger. And there will come a day when you have to sacrifice something for someone you care about. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty."
"This can't go on anymore." Hermione said stepping away from him. Draco smiled in a defeat manner, very different from his usual smirk. "Whatever this is."
"Did you finally saw me for what I am, Granger?" He asked approaching her. "I'm not saint Potter. I do what has to be done to protect my family, even if it means to kill some old man." Draco said. "I would sacrifice myself for them and I don't care if this makes me a bad person because at the end of the day, my mom will be safe and alive."
Hermione just stared at him lost in her own thoughts while his grey ice eyes were carved on her. A part of her, hated him deeply in this moment. Hated the fact that Ron could be death because of him. Hated him for his mission, for being in the wrong side of war. But, other part of her, understood him. What would she do if she was in the same position? She would not give up, that's for sure and she would not let her parents die. But would she killed someone to guarantee that? There was even a choice?
"I understand that you have to tell Dumbledore about what you heard." He broke the silence.
"So, I'm now collateral damage?" Hermione said fearing the answer.
"I would never hurt you." He simply said and she knew he was telling the truth.
"Why?" She demanded. "I thought you didn't had morals. I'm just in the way of your fucking mission."
"This has nothing to do with my morals. I won't hurt you, not now, not in the battlefield if that comes to that." Hermione felt herself grown hot and anxious. "Like I said, I would not let you die because of me."
"Of course, only my friends, right?" She answered bitterly.
Draco breathed out loud. He was tired, she could see that by the way he was curved, merely without any energy to stand. He was always like this, even when they were sitting at the coach, he was just fading away. "I'm sorry, Granger." Draco said looking at her again. "I'm fucking everything up." He smiled, nervously. "Clearly, I'm not made for this task."
"No one is. He's Dumbledore." Hermione whispered. "It's a suicidal mission, you must know that."
Draco nodded like it didn't made the difference to him anymore. "He wants to punish my father. That's why I'm doing this. Why I was the chosen. Pathetic, right? Because of my father mistakes, my family will die if I don't do what He wants."
"Draco, please." Hermione said fighting the temptation to reach to him. "Let's go talk to Dumbledore, he will understand your side."
"I appreciate the act but it's too late for that. Your friend almost got killed. And I... He would never take me." Draco said sitting in the coach. "Not now."
Hermione started at Draco who was ignoring her gaze. "What if I came with you?"
"Are you insane?" Draco asked. "Your friends were going to doubt your loyalty. Or kill me in the spot. Or worse, arrest me and then He would know I betrayed him."
"My word counts for something. Dumbledore trusts me after all these years. I will be with you when you talk with him. I will make him understand and I would not take a no for answer." She said, sitting at his side, trying to gather all the confidence she didn't really had.
"Merlin, you are a pain in the ass." Draco said massaging his eyes.
"A pain in the ass that it's trying to save your life." She said obnoxiously. "We will get to your mom, get her to safety. And your father too."
"How?" Draco asked without a hint of confidence. "The Dark Lord is powerful Hermione, and he's living in the Manor. Having dinner with them, he could kill them both in their sleep."
"You should give the Order a little more credit. We are still standing, aren't' we?" She said, trying to look confident. "I know a life of running it's the ideal life but… it's better than to be death."
"Granger, I tried to kill Ron and…"
"I know." She said right back. And Katie Bell, she thought. "I'm not saying I forgive you. But I won't just stand watch you kill Dumbledore and being a war." Hermione said like it was the only real reason she was doing this. Practically risking her friendships for Draco.
"That's it? Just trying to protect the old bat?" Draco asked. He was teasing her, she knows it. He was expecting her to say the other reason why she was doing all of this. Because she wanted to protect him, to keep him safe. Because somehow, along the way, she grown fond of him. And with the time fond seemed like a small word for all the troubles she was getting into because of him.
Hermione opened her mouth to tell him half the truth at least but she just couldn't ignore that her best friend was in the infirmary because of him. Ron and Harry would hate her for doing this.
"The old bat is what's keeping us all together." Hermione said.
"Granger…" Draco said. "Do you know what this means right? I'm taking a huge leap of faith in your word and in Dumbledore power to protect my family. If they knew…"
"I know." Hermione said.
Draco wanted her to tell him that she was doing this for him. Not only for the sake of the world but because she cared for him, despite all the fucked up things he did. Draco wanted to hear those words like he never wanted to hear anything. Maybe, in the end, all of this was worth it for something.
"Draco, I… You almost killed Ron. I feel awful about it, like I was part of it." Hermione said, small tears forming in her eyes but she didn't care. "I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do."
"I understand." Draco said with a sad smile. An old Draco would feel hurt, with a swollen ego too much for him to bear it. He would just ignore her and move on. But Hermione became a sort of constant in his life and even if it would kill him to confess he needed her. "Thank you for doing this. Despite what I did to Ron." Draco got up immediately.
"Well, we need to finish that bloody assignment. Ready?" He said, changing the topic. Hermione nodded and watched Draco grabbing a few things from his bag that was in the kitchen table.
If you find that Malfoy is worth it, of being in your life, I wouldn't judge you for putting yourself first or him. Ginny words were in loop in Hermione's mind ever since. Would it be really that bad to just confess?
"I'm also doing this for you." Hermione practically vomited those words "I would not forgive myself if Dumbledore would die because I would be responsible for the start of a war. But I also couldn't bear to watch you die or be tortured. And I certainly wouldn't know what I would do if I saw you in the battle as a Death Eater." She stopped her rushed speech. "I wouldn't kill you because you're a lot more than a person I tolerate."
Draco turned around. His usual indifference face was gone, he looked honestly surprised by the ramble of words she just said. Hermione was trying to decipher him. Was he mad at her? Embarrassed? Confused? Ready to jump out of a widow to avoid looking at her? Her mind was spinning in different scenarios, each one ended up with Hermione being rejected.
Just when she was about to give up on hope, Draco speak up: "I… I'm not good at this stuff. Talking and expressing myself. And I hate when people touch my stuff and your silly cat. I'm still the same arrogant asshole you met eleven years ago, I'm still learning about all this stuff and trying to get out the voice of my father from my head. So, there's that."
Hermione look at him confused. This seemed like a interview for a job or a date, where each one just blurt out stuff about themself. He continued: "And I still think there's not a happy ending in the end of the line. But… you're worth it. "He blurted out the last words too fast. He returned to his usual closed off expression.
"Well. So..." Hermione said, letting a smile escape. This whole situation had a certain degree of comical, by how confused and embarrassed they both were and the whole pessimist "we are going to die" Draco's speech. "Friends?" Hermione asked.
Draco was looking at her with an amused expression. He approached her and grabbed her face gently. "Something like that." And he kissed her quietly, just a touch of lips. And it felt nice, just the calm and the warm his lips provide when touching hers. This was not their usual hot-sloopy and rushed kiss, this was a welcoming, a start of something new.
"Do you do this often? Kiss your friends?" Hermione asked playfully.
"Only Blaise, sometimes. "He joked and Hermione smashed his arm. "I'm kidding. There's no one else Granger."
"Good." She simply said and kissed him again. "Now, enough with this. We need to finish this potion tonight. Snape would kill both of us." She started rumbling while grabbing a handful of glasses for the potion.
"All right Boss." Draco said teasing. Hermione showed him her tongue, playfully which only made him laugh.
Maybe we will be okay, she thought.