DISCLAIMER: Characters of Veronica Mars, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline belong to Rob Thomas.
A/N:
Chapters 16 through 20 (plus Chapter 1 of Part 4 in this series) were all posted the SAME DAY.
Chapter 15 was posted a week earlier.
Click back if you need to.
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Chapter 17 includes a modified version of #3.10 "Show Me the Monkey," #3.14 "Mars, Bars," and #3.16 "Un-American Graffiti."
Occurs in mid to late February 2007.
WARNING: This chapter is gonna be a bit painful.
Chapter 17
While he was working on the Barry case, Dad went to talk to a woman that he had assumed was having an affair with Tom Barry. However, she was a neurologist. She had been treating the coach, who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. Dr. Andriotti's view on it was that whoever killed him probably spared him a lot of suffering.
When Josh got the coin collection out of the safe deposit box, he found a dvd containing a video of his dad explaining that he had been responsible for his own death. I had hoped that Dad would not find out that I helped Josh disappear, which he had done so his family would receive the insurance money. However, since I had not turned off the laminating machine, Dad figured it out. As he lectured me, pointing out that only guilty people flee the country, I handed him the dvd of Coach Barry's statement.
He still wasn't happy that I did something that could get me into trouble. In my opinion, there are times when it is worth the risk to help someone. One of these times, it might come back to bite me in the ass. But for now, I'm comfortable with my choices.
Even if the insurance money weren't an issue, client confidentiality would have kept me from telling anyone else what really happened. But it was difficult for me to hear people like Wallace saying horrible things about Josh when I knew the truth.
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About a week after I was released from jail, Mac came over to hang out. It had been a while since we'd had a girls' night. Since I wasn't much in a sharing mood, I let her talk most of the evening. She told me what I had missed, including the Valentine's Day scavenger hunt. Apparently, that was why she had needed my wireless card.
She had been all excited because Casey was supposed to come for a visit. She and Parker had made plans to do the scavenger hunt as a double date – Mac & Casey and Parker & Logan. But at the last minute, Casey couldn't make the trip.
Not only was Mac monumentally bummed out, but they were short one person for the scavenger hunt. That is until Eli showed up at the dorm room to deliver the wireless card.
Mac launched into the list of crazy things they'd had to do that night, but stopped in the middle to ask if Eli had already told me. When I said "no," she proceeded to give me the play by play.
"It was a lot of fun. I haven't spent that much time with him in the past few months. Not like we did when he was getting ready to open the shop." She stopped for a second before saying, "Oh! By the way, Logan's having a birthday party for Parker. You're invited, of course. Both of you. Did Eli already tell you?"
"No. He didn't. And if he's going, I'm not sure he'd want me there."
"Veronica, what are you talking about?"
"Obviously, he didn't tell you. When he came to visit me in my jail cell, he said he thought we needed to take a break. So even if we both went to the party, we wouldn't be there together."
"That happened right before he brought me the wireless card? He didn't tell me about that. He did tell me …"
"Mac, what did he tell you?"
Clearly, she was trying to decide if she should share what she knew.
Shaking her head, she finally said, "I think you should hear it from him."
"Hear what? And why didn't he tell me?" Looking at the sadness in her eyes, this question jumped out of my mouth, "Did he cheat on me?!"
"I'm not talking about this anymore with you. But I will say if you think that he was unfaithful, you're an idiot."
"Then, what is it?"
"You should really talk to Eli."
The problem with that plan: Not sure when or if he'll want to talk to me. Especially after everything he said when he came to visit me in jail.
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A week of monotony flew by. Classes, catching up on paperwork at the office, routine cleaning at home. No new cases to distract me.
After a late-night visit to the library – yes, that's how exciting my life had become – I stopped in the student center for some comfort food. I saw that Piz was on the air. I texted to ask him when his shift ended. He replied: 15 min. So, I decided to wait for him to finish.
When he sat down at my table, he explained that he had taken the extra shift to get out of going to see "a lame but really hot girl band" that was playing at the Roxy. Continuing, he said, "These guys were like, 'As long as she's got a pair of …' You know, it was indelicate."
"Why are males so obsessed with all things sex? A band on stage … strippers, hookers – none of it is real. They're only there because they're getting paid. But that doesn't seem to matter. Men fall for the fantasy. Then, us regular females are left to deal with their attitudes and expectations, as well as our feelings of inadequacy."
"Um ... Is there an appropriate way to respond to that? Something that is clearly sympathetic and feminist?"
"Sorry for unloading on you. I had a case recently. It got under my skin."
"Clearly. If you wanna talk about it, I'm happy to listen."
It had been a long time since I had spent any time with Piz. Yet, it was incredibly easy to talk to him. Although I did not give him many specifics, I told him more about what had been happening with me and Eli than I had told Mac, Wallace, or my dad.
"Wait … so, he's expecting you to never take another case? Basically, give up your job for him? I don't think that … well, I would never ask a woman to give up her job, her career … I would never make that a condition of being with me. I wouldn't do that to … someone I loved."
He and I sat there and talked for more than an hour. As we were walking out of the building, he asked what I was planning to do about the situation with Eli. Honestly, I wasn't sure. But I couldn't let the "break" drag on indefinitely.
On the drive home, I found myself thinking about some of the things Reverend Capistrano had said. I had a lot of icky thoughts and feelings inside right now. If I kept feeding them, if I allowed them to have space in my head and my heart, that would not lead to anything good.
One way or another, I needed to make it right with Eli. I just didn't know what that meant or how to do it. But I couldn't possibly talk it through with Eli before I cleared away all the noise and tried to allow the raw nerve endings to heal.
I didn't get any sleep that night. Which was not that unusual, considering the past several weeks. But rather than wakeful hours filled with images flying around my head, I sat writing in a journal, trying to finally sort out what had been bothering me.
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The next day, I texted Eli. I reminded him about Parker's party. I asked him if he could meet me there, and then we could go somewhere to talk.
Hours went by without a response.
It had been almost two weeks since I had seen him and talked to him.
The longer I waited to hear from him, the more I began to think that I wouldn't.
Late that night, after I had gone to sleep, he called and left a voicemail, which I didn't listen to until the next morning.
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In his voicemail, Eli had said that he would try to make it to the party, but that it would be late, if he was able to get there at all. I heard the hesitance in his voice. I wasn't sure what it was – not wanting to go to an 09er party, not wanting to make a long day even longer, or not wanting to see me.
Since it seemed that Eli was "unavailable" for the night, I made plans to go to the party with Wallace and Piz. However, they were busy talking to girls, so I spent part of the time with Mac. When Max showed up, I introduced the two of them. They proceeded to bond over all things geekdom.
When some guy I had never met was giving me unwanted attention, I asked Piz to play along and pretend to be my boyfriend. When he stepped away to get me a drink, Wallace told me that I was being unfair to Piz. I was so intent on getting rid of the creep that I did not consider Piz's feelings. Although Piz had admitted how he felt about me a while ago, I did not realize he still had feelings for me until my BFF brought it up again.
Not long after Wallace spoke to me, I said my goodbyes and headed for the elevator. I figured it would be better for me to leave – plus I really needed to talk to Eli. If he wouldn't come to me, then I would go to him.
I pressed the button and waited for the elevator, which seemed to be moving more slowly than normal. I thought I had made a clean getaway, but when the elevator was still a few floors away, I heard steps coming down the hallway toward me. When I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around to find Piz standing there.
He began an awkward speech about trying his best to steer clear and not cause problems, but that tonight – getting to play the role of my boyfriend for even a few minutes – he decided that he couldn't continue to ignore his feelings for me. Before I could respond – to tell him that I was sorry for giving him mixed signals, but that nothing could happen between us – he leaned in to kiss me.
Immediately, I placed a hand on his chest and pushed him away. I hadn't decided what I was going to do next – maybe just make a wordless escape into the elevator that had just opened behind me.
When he opened his eyes and saw the look on my face, he began apologizing, ending with: "I shouldn't have done that." Then his eyes went wide.
I looked over my shoulder to see what had caught his attention: Eli was standing in the elevator staring at us.
As the doors started to close, I jumped between them.
His jaw was set. But he didn't say anything.
"I was just on my way to see you," I said.
No response.
"Eli, I don't know what you think you saw, but he kissed me, and I pushed him away."
"Maybe you shouldn't."
"Shouldn't what?"
"Push him away."
"What are you talking about? I was on my way to see you. I figured that if you couldn't get away from work, then I would go there. And we could talk when you had time. I didn't know he followed me to the elevator."
"He's a nice guy, Veronica. Clean cut. The kind of guy you should be with."
"So, we're back to this again?!"
"It's always been an issue. It's always gonna be an issue."
"It's only an issue because you make it one. Is that why you started pushing me away? And were so adamant that I should go to Spain and take the FBI internship?"
"I want you to be happy – get out of Neptune, stay out of danger, have an incredible life. You have a much better chance of doing that if you take those opportunities and if you date someone like Piz."
"I can't believe we're having this conversation again! I thought we were past this."
He stayed quiet for a long time. He didn't seem angry about Piz kissing me. In fact, he was calm. The whole thing felt strange. I couldn't make sense of it.
Just before the doors opened to the main floor lobby, he said, "The last few months, some things that have happened …" His tone of voice was matter-of-fact, unemotional. "Got me thinking again … thinking that as much as I love you, I think it's time for us to just … walk away."
He kissed me on the forehead. Then, he stepped out of the elevator and turned toward the parking garage.
I reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him. "Eli, that's not what I want."
He looked at my hand on his sleeve and said, "Veronica … let me go."
Stunned, I watched him walk away.
What the hell just happened?!
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Dad had been asleep when I got home. And he had gone into the office early for some reason.
As I took my time getting ready, last night – and random moments from the past couple months – played over and over in my head. Eli had asked me to consider a lot of things, but one thing he left off the list – which was number one on my list at the moment – was whether or not I had the emotional energy to deal with this right now. This, him, us. The push-pull, back and forth, hot and cold. The cyclical nonsense of it all.
I was exhausted.
I loved the man. I really did. But maybe he was right.
Maybe I should just let him go.
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When I walked into Mars Investigations, I had two coffees and a bag filled with pastry from our favorite café down the block.
I tried to sound casual as I asked, "Hey, Dad, got a few minutes to talk?"
He brought his head up, took one look at the items in my hands, and said, "That bad, huh? I guess I should stay seated for this." After taking a sip of his coffee and selecting a jelly donut, he said, "What is it this time? Another arrest? Failing out of—?" He cut himself off and looked me square in the eye. "You're not pregnant, are you?"
"No! Dad, no. I am not now – nor have I ever been – pregnant."
"Then what could possibly rise to the level of fancy coffee and … is that cheese Danish?"
"Eli and I broke up. Again. For good, I think."
"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. You doing okay?"
"Noooo. No, no, no, no, no."
He walked around the desk to kiss me on the forehead. I held it together until he looked into my eyes in that loving fatherly way that he had perfected years ago. Then, I fell apart. I stood with my arms wrapped around him, leaning all my weight on him.
After I wept long enough to soak his shirt, he joked, "If you wanted a comforting hug, all you had to do was ask. You didn't have to bribe me with a jelly donut."
"It wasn't so much a bribe … as an ice breaker."
"Still—"
He got cut off by the ringing phone. He released me from his embrace as he leaned to pick up the handset. "Mars Investigations."
As he heard the voice on the line, Dad straightened up and walked back around to sit in his chair. Then, he said in his most official tone of voice, "How can I help you, Commissioner?"
I left him alone to finish the call, closing the door behind me.
A few minutes later, he came out of his office. I couldn't read his face, which was unusual.
"Dad, what did the County Commissioner want?"
"He said Sheriff Lamb's dead. And he wants me to take over as Acting Sheriff."
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When Dad went to meet with the Commissioner, he left the radio on. It was tuned to his favorite classic rock station, which was currently playing a block of Dan Fogelberg songs. It was like the DJ had curated the playlist for me. "Along the Road," "Make Love Stay," and finally, "Missing You."
The days are empty, and the nights are unreal
Ooo, Ooo, I'm missing you
Oh, if I had you beside me
Then I just might sleep through the night
Your love is the promise that guides me
All of the days of my life
I managed to make it through that, but when they started in on the Michael McDonald block, I couldn't handle it anymore.
I keep forgettin' we're not in love anymore
I keep forgettin' things will never be the same again
I keep forgettin' how you made that so clear
I keep forgettin'
A/N:
Songs: "Missing You" by Dan Fogelberg (1982) and "I Keep Forgettin' (Every Time You're Near)" by Michael McDonald (1982).
In the breakup scene here, you may have noticed that I pulled a couple lines from canon – Piz and V's breakup in the movie ("time to walk away" ... "not what I want").
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~Jen
28 June 2020