Chapter 20

Previously

Bella

'Close your eyes baby, just concentrate on the grass for me.'

'I don't want to.' I said angrily. I gasped in shock as the floor fell out from under me. I was falling. I think I screamed. I dropped the phone into the floor. I was hurtling past things, then I was just…floating.

I felt arms wrap around me. How could I feel arms when I was in space?

'Fuck, Bella. Shit. What did you fucking take?' I heard.

I blinked. Paul's face was suddenly in front of me. I reached out to touch it, but it was distorting in front of me. I pulled my arm back sharply.

He was saying something but all I could hear was this high-pitched ringing sound.

Then everything went black.

Paul

'Wanna hang out later?'

I turned to Kate, slamming my locker shut and fixing her with a smirk.

Her cheeks tinged slightly pink and she smiled coyly, flashing her perfect white teeth.

'I can't.' I said, stroking my hand softly down her bare arm.

Her skin was warm against my fingers, soft and supple.

She shivered, leaning into my body and kissing my neck.

Kate always smelled good, like fuckin' vanilla.

'How come?' She asked me, kissing her way up to my ear, her lips soft against my skin.

It felt nice so I let her, my hand coming down to rest against the small of her back.

She was tiny. Fucking hot too. Big blue eyes and a tight little body.

She stepped closer to me, pressing her tits against my arm and my smirk grew.

I'd only fucked Kate once since she pulled shit with Bella a few weeks ago.

Fucking answering my phone and lying to me about who was calling…Jesus I was pissed.

Especially when I'd realised she'd deleted the fucking call too, it was fucking manipulative.

But when I'd gone over there to yell at her, it was just after Bella had told me she'd fucked some guy in a bar, so instead I'd slammed Kate into the wall and fucked her hard.

I was just so fucking…jealous.

Jealous of the way Bella said she didn't care about Jasper even though her fucking gorgeous eyes were all wide and sad, meaning she fucking did.

Jealous that she fucked someone random guy when she could have come to me. I know she'd have had a better time fucking me than some prick that doesn't know how to make her scream. I know every inch of her body like the back of my hand.

Not that you can call Bella and I together fucking. With Bella it was different.

She was different.

At first I thought it was just because the sex was unbelievable. She's fucking sexy and confident, perfect tits that fit right in the palms of my hands. Tight body but not all hard with muscle like some girls, she's all fucking soft and smooth and her pussy feels like fucking heaven.

But it wasn't just good sex, I could talk to her. She listened, understood. We were like the same fucking person. And then she was in my house, standing in my kitchen fucking cooking me food and I was spilling my guts to her, telling her shit that nobody else knew. I'd watched her fall asleep in my fucking arms and I was too busy staring at her beautiful face to think about how dangerous it was that I was letting her so close to me. Then she was letting me in a little too and the more I saw the more I wanted to take care of her, be there for her the way no one else clearly was.

But she was constantly flirting with Jasper and he was looking at her like she was the only girl in the world. Even I could feel the sexual tension pouring off them and I knew it was only a matter of time before Jasper finally manned up and ditched Lauren for her.

At first that didn't bother me. Jasper wanted to fucking date her, so I wasn't going to stand in the way.

But the closer it got to him breaking up with Lauren the more I felt weird about it.

I liked the dynamic I had with Bella. It was fucking but it was…more.

I slept with her, actually fucking fell asleep with her in my arms, more than once. In my house too. Which was…I didn't do shit like that.

Shit, I didn't fucking do the stuff I did with her, with anyone.

She was just, different.

And that last night I devoured her, knowing it would be the last time I could kiss her, fuck her, cuddle her. She obviously felt it too because we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

She was naked on my kitchen counter and I was sliding inside of her wet heat and she was clenching all over my cock, her fucking beautiful brown eyes dilated with pleasure and staring right at me. God she'd felt so good, so fucking unbelievably good.

I'd wanted to tell her that night. I'd wanted to tell her not to fuck Jasper. But what would have been the fucking point? I didn't know what I fucking wanted. I just wanted to keep being around her. How could I tell her I didn't want her to sleep with him without sounding like a possessive idiot. After all we were just friends that were fucking. So I said nothing.

And that morning when I fucked her in the shower and made her scream my name I told myself that I wouldn't touch her again. That it was done.

And then all day I felt like someone had stabbed me in the fucking ribs and I couldn't figure out why. Every time I'd looked at her I felt this sick feeling in my gut.

I wanted to tell her no when she asked me to fuck her one last time. I knew it would be a mistake. But I couldn't fucking help myself. So I did it, walked into that bathroom. The sight of her had driven me fucking crazy.

I'd slammed her into the wall and then my fingers were inside of her and she was so fucking wet for me, and so fucking desperate for my cock. I felt like I was going to cum in 5 seconds flat. The sharp sting of her nails down my back had made me roar in pleasure and I'd marked her too, sunk my teeth into her shoulder as she came all over my cock.

I'd liked how she looked, marked by my teeth, all freshly fucked, her cheeks flushed and lips all swollen from my mouth. My heart had been slamming into my chest and I'd just wanted to hug her and never let go.

But she didn't want me. She wanted Jasper.

After that, I didn't know how to be around her. All I wanted to do was kiss her, wrap her in my arms because she felt so fucking right there.

And then she was with Jasper and for the first time in our 10 year friendship I couldn't fucking stand him. Watching him touch her made me want to knock him out. But he was happy for the first time in fucking years and she was happy too so what kind of prick would I be if I got in the way.

It's just she fucking missed me, I could tell. And Jesus I missed her. I couldn't stay away, couldn't pretend like I didn't want her.

I didn't even just want to fuck her either.

I'd have been content just lying on my bed with her talking.

That's when I knew I'd fucked up, that I fucking liked her.

Which was un-fucking believable because I was Paul fucking Lahote. I didn't get feelings.

I tried to fuck them away but even when I was balls deep in Irina, I couldn't get Bella Swan out my fucking head.

So, I tried other girls. Some I'd slept with before, some I hadn't.

Didn't make a fucking difference.

They just weren't Bella.

When she'd stayed over and we kissed. Christ. It had taken every part of me not to, slide my hand under her t-shirt, feel her perfect tits, rip of her panties and feel her wet heat, she'd been so responsive too, morning and whimpering into my fucking mouth. If that phone hadn't rung I don't think I'd have been able to stop.

I tried to back off then too, I felt guilty as fuck for messing with Jasper's girl, but I couldn't make it stick. I caved the second I found out she'd fainted at school.

Jasper had his suspicions about my feelings but I kept reassuring him that I didn't like Bella in that way.

Even though I fucking did.

There was no magic moment, I didn't have a fucking epiphany, it was just like one minute I liked her and the next, I loved her.

My best friends fucking girl.

And I was in love with her.

God it was unbelievably fucking stupid and part of me fucking hated her for twisting me up inside like this.

It was fucking shit, this love business.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I could barely fuck without having to close my eyes and imagine it's her.

And that's not fair to the girls I'm with. They deserve better than me imagining some other girl.

It's not like they're not hot in their own right.

Irina was a fucking wildcat in bed.

Seriously that girl bends in fucking insane ways. And yet…the best thing about her wasn't her fucking tits or the way she could twist her body, it was how Bella reacted to her presence.

When Irina was around her eyes went dark and she got this fucking glorious fiery look in her eyes like she wanted to knock Irina out and then kiss the fuck outta me.

It wasn't just Irina either…she seemed…jealous of all the girls I was with.

Part of me hoped it was because she felt this thing between us too, that she had feelings for me, but that was stupid.

She wanted Jasper, she was basically dating Jasper.

Besides, I didn't date. I didn't know how to be a fucking boyfriend, the thought of that shit freaked me out.

So I just pushed it all down and let it fucking lie. Even though whenever I saw Jasper's hands all over her and the way she fucking melted into him it made me feel like screaming.

Kate leant up towards me and kissed the side of my mouth.

'You sure babe?' She purred.

'What?' I asked her confused, my other hand wrapping around her waist and tugging her into me.

She shivered and I slid my hands lower, cupping her ass.

Think about the girl in front of you, you dick.

I squeezed her cheek and she whimpered, god she had a nice fucking ass.

Not as nice as Bella's though.

Fuck. Stop.

I grabbed Kate's jaw and kissed her, sliding my tongue into her mouth.

She whimpered, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I tilted my head to kiss her more deeply.

She tasted good, like mint and coffee.

She shivered, her hand sliding down my stomach towards my cock. I should be hard. I could feel her tits pressed against my chest and she was moaning into my mouth as I squeezed her ass.

Part of me was tempted to fuck her. Bella would hate it.

But I couldn't. I was pissed at her for fucking with my relationship with Bella.

Bella always came first with me.

I broke the kiss, pushing Kate back gently and catching her hand with mine, the other resting on her hip.

She pouted at me and let out a breathy sigh.

'Some other time.' I said, laying on the charm.

She unhooked her arms from my neck and sighed.

'You seeing someone else tonight?'

'Someone else?' I questioned innocently, smiling at her.

She rolled her eyes. 'Irina maybe?'

I snorted. 'Never again.'

Kate twists her mouth speculatively. 'Why?'

Because she was rude to Bella.

I leant in and kissed her deeply, running my tongue across her lower lip and smiling when she moaned.

I pulled back and she pouted. 'I gotta go sugar.'

'But can't we…'

'Kate.' I warned.

'Call me later?'

'If you're lucky.' I winked.

She laughed as though I was joking.

I wasn't.

X

After I got home, I put on some washing and then lay in front of the tv. The guys from the team wanted to go for pizza tonight but I wasn't sure I was gonna go.

Bella had stormed out in the middle of class earlier and I couldn't stop thinking about the look on her face before she left. Her pen had fucking exploded and she's looked so adorable, her eyes wide and shocked, I couldn't help but laugh.

And then her face had fallen and her big brown eyes filled with hurt and I'd wanted to stab myself for upsetting her.

She didn't come back either, just left and didn't tell anyone where she went. I asked Jasper and he'd been just as clueless as me. She didn't answer either of our calls or texts.

I felt like shit. I knew I was hurting her by keeping my distance.

But I just…couldn't. Being around her on my own…god it was heaven and torture all at once.

I could never tell her how I felt about her. Now that Jasper had feelings for her and she had them back…I wasn't going to get in the way.

That's why I'd told Jasper to go talk to her when she was freaking out. I just wanted her to be happy.

I groaned, leaning back on the sofa with my hands behind my head.

Fuck.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I grabbed it, my heart racing when I saw it was Bella.

'Hey.'

'They're coming for me, please help.' She gasped, breathing heavily.

What the fuck?

I stood up instantly, panic filling me 'What? Bella what's going on?

'These dark figures, they have knives for teeth and black eyes...I can't stop them.'

I swore, 'Did you take something? Where the fuck are you?'

For fucks sake Bella.

I ran into the kitchen and grabbed my keys, my chest pounding.

She started babbling about dreaming and my throat closed up with panic.

I didn't know where she was, what if she did something fucking stupid like run into traffic or jump off a building.

'Bella where the fuck are you? I'm getting in my car right now. God I'm fucking…tell me where the fuck you are, right now.'

Fucking nature reserve.

I was speeding down the road, putting the phone on loudspeaker and chucking it on the passenger seat.

I kept talking to her, I didn't want her to hang up.

She screamed and I cursed, pushing my car to the limit not caring if I got a fucking ticket.

'I'm almost there baby. Stay on the phone.' I pleaded.

She didn't say anything but I could hear her breathing.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Then I was pulling into a space, throwing the hand break up and pulling my keys out. I didn't even lock the car.

This place was fucking huge where was she?

I was about to start down the path when I saw a shape sitting by a tree down the road.

'Bella.' I yelled.

I got in front of her and she was shaking, her eyes wide, streaks of tears and mascara all down her face.

'Shit baby what did you do?' I groaned. 'What did you take?'

She didn't respond and I grabbed her arms gently. Her eyes flicked to mine and then rolled back in her head.

Fuck.

I caught her before she fell and pulled her into my lap, my fingers going to her neck to feel her pulse. It was a little quicker than normal but not concerning and she felt an okay temperature.

I sighed in relief.

Not an overdose. Or at least, she seemed okay for now. I'd have to watch her like a hawk and if she didn't wake up in a few minutes I'd take her to the hospital.

I knew she'd freak if she woke up there so unless she needed to go, I wasn't going to take her.

I think she just fainted.

I'd never been so fucking glad in my life for all the hours and hours I'd spent learning from the nurses while my mom was in hospital. Or for the first aid shit I'd done.

I pulled her eyelids up to check the pupils but they weren't blown.

I stroked her streaked face with my thumb, my body sagging in relief.

Thank fuck for that.

I frowned as I studied her.

She'd obviously been crying her fucking eyes out. It wasn't like her to take drugs like this on a school night either.

What the fuck happened?

'Fuck Bella, why?' I sighed.

I grabbed her phone from the floor, chucked it in my pocket and then scooped my arms under her knees, picking her up. Bella's head fell to my shoulder and she stirred, wrapping her arm around my neck.

'Paul.' She murmured, her breath hot against my throat.

'I'm here baby, I've got you.' I soothed, walking towards my car.

A woman frowned at me as I passed her. She was standing by her car, a young girl holding her hand.

'Is she okay? Should I call an ambulance?' She asked worriedly.

'No ma'am.' I told her with a smile. 'My girlfriend just had a bit too much to drink, she's fine.' I reassured her.

'Okay.' She said, frowning. Let her judge Bella for being drunk, it was better than knowing she was high as fuckin' kite.

I put Bella in the passenger seat and felt her pulse again.

It wasn't any faster than earlier and her breaths were even and regular.

She stirred, mumbling my name again and I sighed, buckling her in.

It was going to be long fucking night.

When I pulled up to my house, I picked Bella up again, fireman's style this time so I'd be able to open my front door.

She was awake but fucking out of it, blabbing about seahorses.

My neighbour looked at me curiously as I walked past but I figured she'd seen Bella here before and wouldn't call the police on me.

I deposited Bella on the couch, putting her in the recovery position just in case, and went into the kitchen to grab some water. I didn't know what she'd taken but whatever it was she'd need to keep hydrated.

I placed my hands on the counter for a moment.

Thank fuck she'd told me where she was.

My stomach plummeted at the thought of her staying out in the reserve in that state.

What if she'd been arrested?

Or what if she had OD'd?

I slammed my hand on the counter.

How could she be so fucking stupid.

Fuck.

I gulped some water and refilled it for Bella.

I should call Jasper.

That's what friends are supposed to do when they find their friend's semi-conscious semi-girlfriend, high as a kite.

It's just…she called me. Not Jasper.

Bella made a noise and I ran out of the kitchen with the water, placing it on the table and kneeling in front of her.

She stirred in front of me, her brown eyes opening. Her pupils were completely dilated. She smiled widely at me.

'Paul.' She said happily, reaching out for me. I accepted her hug, breathing her in. She always smelt so fucking good.

I pulled back from her reluctantly.

'Bella, what did you take?' I asked her again. I thought maybe acid, she was tripping pretty hard earlier. Her eyes widened as they focused on something behind my head.

'Oh no. They're back. Quick.' She said, panicking. 'Paul! We have to leave! They're coming for us.'

'Shh.' I soothed, wrapping her in my arms again, 'Close your eyes baby.'

Best way to survive a bad trip, close your eyes and go with the fucking flow.

She whimpered, closing them.

'Bella, what did you take?' I repeated, stroking her hair. 'You've got to tell me.' She made a noise in my chest. I pulled back from her. 'Keep your eyes closed.' I commanded, 'What did you take? LSD?'

She laughed lightly, 'I took a combooo.'

'What combo?' I said worriedly.

She hummed. 'He said it was hmm I don't remember, one was something like dust.' She giggled.

'Angel dust? Are you fucking kidding?' I said angrily, 'Where did you get it?'

Her eyes opened widely, and she gasped loudly in fear. 'I keep falling through the floor.'

I covered her eyes with my hand. 'Eyes closed, sugar.' I repeated gently.

'I took two, he said to take one, but I took two.' She started giggling again and then sighed. 'I'm so glad you're with me. I don't want them to take you, but I want you with me.'

'No one's taking me.' I said, moving to sit with her on the couch, I pulled her head into my lap, keeping my hand over her eyes. She laughed lightly.

'They'll take you. And I'll be all alone. I'm always all alone.' Her voice grew sombre and I stroked my other hand through her hair. She sighed. 'That feels so good. Everything feels so good.'

She moaned, arching her back as my nails scratched her scalp and I swallowed as my eyes inadvertently flicked down her body.

She was in one of her work T-shirts with no fucking bra and these tiny little shorts that showed her long legs.

I looked away guiltily. Bella grabbed my hand that was covering her eyes and tugged it away gently.

'Bella.' I warned.

Suddenly she sat up, turning to face me. Her eyes were huge. 'Bella don't look.' I admonished.

'No. I need to see.' She said earnestly. 'I didn't see. He was right in front of me and I didn't even see.'

'See what?' I said, confused.

'Edward.' She said, her face scrunching up in pain. 'I didn't see him, I didn't know she was dead. She lied to me.'

'What?' I said, my eyebrows knitting together. 'Who's dead?'

Her vision went unfocused for a second as she looked at something behind me, she grabbed my thigh worriedly. 'We're on a sinking ship.' She said, biting her lower lip. 'I can't swim.'

'Yes, you can baby.' I said gently, 'I've seen you swim.'

'Not in water like this?' She climbed into my lap, straddling my hips, her eyes meeting mine. 'We'll drown.'

I cupped her face in my hands, 'I will never let anything bad happen to you, okay? Now close your eyes, please.'

She swallowed heavily, 'Okay.' She closed her eyes. She laughed suddenly, 'I'm like the blind mice.'

'What?'

She laughed again, 'I was blind…but now I see. Edward…he…how did I not see?'

'Who's Edward?' I asked her, confused.

'I don't know anymore.' She said, her lower lip trembling. She opened her eyes and leant towards me. 'Paul.'

'I'm right here.' I said, meeting her gaze worriedly.

'Don't leave.' She said, her eyes huge.

'I won't leave baby.' I said, cupping her cheek. Her eyes dropped down to my mouth.

'I'm dreaming.' She said, stroking her hand down my face. 'This is a good dream.'

'No Bella.' I shook my head. 'You're not dreaming.'

'I don't want to wake up.' She said, her eyes filling with tears. 'Paul. I-' She crashed her mouth to mine, and I opened my mouth in shock. She took the opportunity to slide her tongue into my mouth and I couldn't help but groan.

Kissing Bella was like coming home. Fucking perfect. She sighed into my mouth, tangling her fingers in my hair and shifting in my lap. It felt so good…but…

I pulled back sharply. I couldn't do this. She needed me right now. And Jasper…Fuck.

Bella nestled her head into my neck, sighing softly. I wrapped my arms around her, willing my body to not react to her the way it always did.

She pulled back and ran her hand down my cheek. 'You're so beautiful.' She said, giggling. She said something under her breath, but I couldn't hear her.

Suddenly she was crying, wretched sobs tearing out of her throat.

'What's wrong?' I asked worriedly.

Bella just cried harder. I swallowed heavily, I hated that she was hurting.

'Shh.' I soothed, stroking her back, she dropped her head into my neck, sobbing. I wrapped her in my arms tightly.

Clearly something had happened.

'What's the matter beautiful?' I asked her, kissing her head. 'Talk to me.'

'I can't.' She cried.

I sighed wearily, stroking her back.

Did someone hurt her?

Where did she get the drugs?

Fuck.

I didn't know what to fucking do.

I needed to fucking google Angel Dust too because I couldn't remember what it did, but I was pretty sure it was a really fucking intense high.

How much did she take?

I felt her breathing even out against my neck as she fell asleep.

I sighed, my head tilting back and staring at the ceiling for a moment before moving out from underneath her and laying her on her side again.

She looked so fucking cute, her face slightly smushed against her bicep.

I stretched my arms over my head yawning. It was going to be a long fucking night.

'I really fucking love you.' I said softly to her sleeping form.

I needed to call Jasper.

X

'What do you mean?' Jasper said worriedly.

'I mean, Bella is completely fucked up. I brought her here, but you should come over man.'

'Is she okay? What happened?'

'I don't know, she's had a mix of something and one of them is Angel Dust dude.' Jasper swore loudly. 'I know, she's so fucking out of it. When she called me she was trippin' hard. Luckily she told me where she was.'

'She called you?' Jasper asked, sounding confused.

I sighed, 'Yeah.'

There was a pause. 'Why didn't she call me?'

I don't fucking know Jas.

'I think she probably just called whoever was at the top of her phone. You have no idea how fucked up she is man.' I said to him.

I really hoped that wasn't true, but maybe it was. I mean, why would she call me instead of Jasper?

'I'm coming now.' He said worriedly. 'Should I bring anything? Can we try to level her out?'

I could hear him rushing around and grabbing his keys.

'I don't know. She's passed out right now. I don't think it would be good to mix anything else in, we don't know what she took.'

'Okay. On my way.' Jasper said, hanging up.

I put my head in my hands.

I hadn't had anyone over except Bella in months.

I didn't want them to know how often I was here alone.

Maybe at first, they'd come stay over or something but then it would become inconvenient and eventually every time it was brought up it'd just be a fucking pity party.

And now Jasper was probably going to figure it out.

Fuck, should I tell him she kissed me?

'Paul?' I heard Bella say in a panicked voice. I rushed into the lounge. She looked fucking terrified.

She practically jumped on me as I appeared, wrapping her legs around my waist.

'Shh baby I'm here.' I said, soothingly, guiding us down to sit on the couch. She buried her head into my neck, sobbing and I ran my hand up her back, rubbing softly.

'I thought you left me. I was all alone in the dark.'

I looked at the brightly lit room with a shake of my head.

I sighed, stroking her hair. 'I just went to call Jasper.'

'Jasper?' She asked, pulling back from me. A smile crossed her face.

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.

'Yeah.' I managed to say. 'He's coming.'

Bella looked at me worriedly. 'You won't leave though?'

I swallowed, 'Why do you want me? Jasper will be here.'

She looked into my eyes, her pupils were so dilated... 'I want you.' She said frowning. 'I always want you.'

I wish you did.

She frowned and pressed her lips to mine.

I sighed, pulling back, 'Bella.'

'Why don't you want me?' She said, her eyes filling with tears.

I sighed, cupping her cheek. 'You have no idea how much I want you.' I admitted.

She shivered. 'Paul, I'm scared. Everything is so dark except you. If you let go, I'll be lost forever.'

'Shh.' I soothed, stroking her back, 'You're not going anywhere.'

The front door opened, and Jasper walked in. He looked at Bella in my lap, his face worried. He walked over to us, bending down.

'Hey darlin'.' He said softly.

Bella turned to him, a huge smile crossing her face. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the ribs.

'Jasper.' She said brightly.

He held out his arms and she jumped into them, wrapping her legs around his waist. He turned and sat down on the couch next to me, Bella curled into his lap.

'How you doin' baby?' He asked her, cupping her cheek.

Bella's eyes widened and she reached out to touch his face before she started falling sideways.

Jasper chuckled, gripping her waist and kissing her cheek.

'Falling, falling. Fuzzy.' Bella murmured, swaying slightly.

'How's she doing?' Jasper asked me, stroking her hair.

'She's okay, just high as fuck.' I shrugged. 'Was worried at first when she passed out but she's doing fine now.'

He nodded, smiling at me gratefully. 'Thank you so much man, for looking after her.'

I didn't do it for you.

'Yeah.' I said, swallowing.

Bella pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. 'Jasper you can't let them take you.'

He frowned, stroking her cheek, 'I won't darlin'.'

She nodded, then turned her head towards me. She grabbed my hand in hers and pulled me closer to Jasper, resting her head on both of our shoulders.

I sighed as I felt her warm breath against my neck. Jasper ran his hand up and down her back, kissing her head softly. He turned his head to me.

'Where's your dad?'

'Away.' I said truthfully.

Jasper's eyes narrowed as they flicked them around the room and then back to me, but he didn't say anything.

'Well, were you having a good evening before this?' Jasper gestured his head to Bella, a small smile playing at his mouth.

'Yeah, was just chilling.' I replied, 'You?'

Jasper nodded, 'Just swim practice. Parents get back tonight. My mom is…struggling. It's the anniversary soon.'

I swallowed, 'I know man, I'm sorry.'

'He would have been 13 this year.' Jasper said, his eyes full of pain.

'How are you doing?' I asked him carefully.

He shrugged, blinking back tears. I didn't really have any access to him with Bella on top of us so I reached my hand up and grabbed his head, pressing it to mine for a sec. He closed his eyes briefly.

This is why I was a fucking dick.

Jasper was my best friend. He's a good guy.

I shouldn't feel this way about Bella.

Bella pulled back from us and looked at him. 'What's wrong?' She asked worriedly.

'You're bleeding' She reached her finger out and wiped a tear from his eye. 'You're crying blood, are you dying?' Her body shook slightly. 'Am I?'

Jasper swallowed, cupping her cheek. 'Nobody's dying baby. You're okay.'

She frowned, 'Ella's dead.'

'Who's Ella?' I asked her carefully.

'Edward's mom.' She said, her eyes filling with tears. 'I should have…I didn't know.'

'Edward?' Jasper mouthed at me. I shrugged.

'Bella, who's Edward?' I asked her.

She laughed sharply. 'I didn't see it.'

I sighed, 'I haven't really gotten anywhere with why she took the drugs in the first place.' I said to Jasper.

He frowned, 'Self medicating probably. So, something with her mom? Maybe she was dr- '

He stopped talking hurriedly and looked at Bella guiltily.

She was zoned out, staring at her hand and moving it back and forth.

'Don't worry man, I know.' I reassured him. 'I think you're right, but she keeps mentioning this Edward too so I feel like it's more.'

Bella turned to me worriedly. 'Paul.' She said, trembling.

'I'm still here.' I said softly. She nodded, reaching out to touch my face.

I breathed in sharply, my eyes flicking to Jasper. He was watching her curiously.

Bella clutched at my T-shirt, shifting out of Jasper's lap and into mine. Her hands were shaking. 'The floor is falling again.' She said in a panicked voice.

I looked to Jasper quickly, he just stroked Bella's back, his eyes on me.

I didn't really know what to do. Jasper was here too. How the fuck was I supposed to comfort her?

Bella looked at me, her eyes wide with fear and I just thought, fuck it.

'I won't let you fall.' I said to her softly. She shivered.

'Promise?'

'I promise.' I said, looking into her eyes. She leant towards me and I was scared she was going to kiss me again. I think Jasper was too because he made a shocked noise.

Luckily, she just pressed her forehead against mine.

'Eyes closed now sugar.' I said softly. She nodded, moving her head from mine burying her face into my neck. I looked at Jasper apologetically, but he didn't look mad. Bella let out a sigh against my neck and relaxed.

I looked down at her but she wasn't sleeping, just playing with the hem of my T-shirt quietly.

It felt wrong, holding her like that with Jasper next to me, so I gently nudged her off my lap.

Bella protested a little, looking beseechingly up at me and I smiled comfortingly at her.

'I'm going to get some water b-Bella.' I told her softly, sneaking a look at Jasper out of the corner of my eye to see if he caught the slip.

He wasn't even looking at me, his phone was in his hand.

He put it down when Bella climbed into his lap, smiling at her when she ran her hand through his hair.

'So soft.' She mused, dreamily.

'Yeah?' Jasper smirked, tilting his head up at her.

She bit her lip and leaned in to kiss him, sighing softly into his mouth.

I stood up, ignoring the wrenching sensation in my gut.

'Where you going?' Jasper asked, pulling back from Bella. She moved to lay her head in his lap and grabbed his hand, playing with his fingers.

'Water. You hungry? Wanna order a pizza?'

Jasper nodded.

By the time the pizza came and we'd eaten it, it was about 9pm.

Bella only managed one slice which I had to practically force her to eat.

After that she kept wandering around the room, running her hands along the walls.

Jasper put on some chilled music to help with the trip.

By 11pm Jasper had passed out on the sofa and Bella was spinning in circles which I put a stop to straight away because I was almost certain she was going to end up puking.

By midnight Bella mellowed out a little and lay on the carpet, staring at the ceiling and giggling every now and again. I put the TV on with an old Indiana Jones, but neither of us were watching it.

About half an hour later Jasper woke up looking disoriented and I punched his shoulder.

'Nice nap?' I teased.

He ran a hand down his face blearily. 'Sorry the training right now has been killing me. Is everything okay?'

'Yep.' I said, yawning.

Jasper slowly sat up, stretching his arms over his head.

'Paul come and feel this.' Bella babbled excitedly, her hands stroking the carpet.

I rolled my eyes, sliding down the sofa and placing my hands on the floor.

'Oh yeah.' I groaned appreciatively, winking at her.

She giggled, sitting up and moving towards me.

'Does it not feel amazing to you?' She asked, a lazy smile on her face.

'Do you want me to take a tab so it does?' I teased.

Jasper laughed, moving to the floor too.

Bella crawled over to him straddling his lap.

Ugh.

Her eyes darkened and she leant to his ear to whisper something.

He laughed throatily.

'Not sure Paul would appreciate that baby.' He grinned at her.

I grimaced.

'I can leave.' I said awkwardly.

Bella turned to me with wide eyes.

'No!' She launched herself at me. 'You said you'd stay.' She demanded.

Her eyes started filling with tears again and I swore quietly.

Bella dropped her head into my shoulder, crying and hiccupping and I wrapped my arms around her.

I pressed my face into her hair.

'I'm sorry baby.' I breathed, too quietly for Jasper to hear.

'Don't leave me.' Bella cried.

I nudged her head back and looked into her deep chocolate eyes.

God she was so beautiful.

'I won't, I promise. Don't cry. Please.'

Bella's lower lip trembled and she pressed her face into my neck, her sobs fading.

I met Jasper's gaze and gave him an apologetic look.

He rolled his eyes at me as if to say, 'don't worry about it.'

'Can I stay here for a while, with you?' Bella murmured into my skin. 'I can't go home.'

I shot Jasper a worried look and he mirrored it.

'Of course you can.'

'Why not Bella?'

We both spoke at the same time.

She started crying again and I stroked up her back.

Jasper came over to sit next to me, and Bella lifted her head up to look at him.

'What's the matter darlin'?' He asked her softly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. 'Why can't you go home?' His voice lowered, 'What did she do?'

Bella shook her head. 'I c-can't.'

'Bella.' Jasper pushed.

'Jas.' I warned, as she started shaking.

Jasper shot me an irritated look and I sighed.

Jasper's phone started ringing and he swore quietly.

'Fuck is that the time?'

He jumped up to grab his phone and walked out the room.

'Mom. I'm so sorry. I had to help a friend...' His voice trailed off.

I looked back at Bella and was surprised to see she was staring at me.

'Paul.' She said softly. 'I can stay right?'

'You can stay.' I said, studying her eyes. 'Did someone hurt you? Did she…'

'No…I…' Her eyes were full of tears. 'Just keep me distracted please.'

'Okay.' I reassured her.

Her brown eyes studied mine for a moment. 'Paul,' She said softly. She leant towards me.

Her warm lips pressed against mine and I jerked my head back. Fuck.

She moved forward, kissing me again, I could taste salt on her lips.

Oh, Bella.

'Stop.' I said hurriedly, moving her off my lap and standing up.

Jasper was in the next fucking room.

'Fuck.' I said guiltily.

She stared up at me, her eyes wide.

'I'm sorry.' She apologised, biting her lip.

I sighed, sitting back down next to her. 'It's okay. I know it wasn't about me, you just want a distraction, right?'

Jasper came back into the room.

'All okay?' I asked him.

'My mom is fuckin' freaking. I forgot to tell them I wasn't going to be home and they arrived to an empty house blah blah blah.'

'Shit.'

'It's fine I calmed her down but…I gotta go.'

'Seriously?' I stood up, grabbing his arm and shooting Bella a smile as we left.

She lay back on the carpet, humming.

'Jas, what the fuck?'

He sighed wearily. 'I've got practice in 4 hours. I need to get some sleep.'

'Just sleep here.' I urged. 'You can't just fucking leave.'

He looked guilty 'I don't want to leave. But I can't help with her when I'm sleeping anyway and Paul, I have to fucking sleep. It's already 1am, that means my competition is literally fucking tomorrow. This practice is important.'

So what?

'More important than Bella?' I said icily.

'Of-course it's not.' Jasper snapped. 'But…'

'But what? Fuck, sometimes you can be such a dick.' I breathed.

He glared at me. 'What do you want me to do? Fuck up regionals? Fuck up my chances of getting scouted and accepted into an Ivy?'

I stared at him blankly. 'She needs you.'

Jasper smiled humourlessly. 'She doesn't need me when she has you. We both know that.'

I shook my head at him. 'Fine, fuck off then I'll skip tomorrow to stay with her. She won't be able to go in. If you even care.'

'Don't be a dick.' Jasper growled. 'You know I care. I'll come straight after practice in the morning and bring you guys something to eat.'

'Fine.' I said, 'But you can tell her.'

His eyes softened, 'Yeah, I'll tell her.' He ran a hand down his face. 'Fuck. I hate that she's hurting, and I can't fucking do anything. Every time we get somewhere good something happens.'

'I'll see if I can get her to talk.' I said shortly. 'She can stay here as long as she needs anyway, whatever happened.'

He nodded at me. 'What about your dad and step-mom?'

'They're not coming back for a bit.' I said quickly.

Jasper searched my eyes and then nodded. 'Okay.'

X

'Bella. Shh.' I soothed, guiding her to sit on the sofa.

It was 5am and we hadn't slept a fucking wink.

'But I feel like I'm not here.' She gasped. 'I feel like I'm floating or something, I swear I just left my body for a second.'

I rubbed her back. 'You're fine, trust me.'

Bella started laughing hysterically. I sighed. This had been happening every hour.

She turned to me worriedly. 'Can you hear that.'

'Of-course.' I lied. I'd learnt a few hours before that with Bella it was better to just go along with her hallucinations. Then she kind of forgot about them.

I forced back a yawn. My eyes were starting to get heavy but I couldn't sleep, she was fucking wired and I needed to talk her down.

I was dreading the fucking come down, hopefully Jasper would be back by then.

'It's happening again, everything around me keeps fading.' Bella cried, her eyes full of terror.

'Shh.' I said, grabbing her face. 'Hey. Look at me.' I ordered.

Her eyes met mine and I smiled reassuringly. 'You're fine.'

She moved forward, straddling my hips. 'Are you sure? What if I'm imagining you too? What if I'm all alone? What if I'm dying, what if I'm already d-'

'Bella.' I interrupted. 'I'm right here.' I placed her hand on my chest. 'I'm here, and you're here.'

'I feel like I-Paul something's standing over there.' She said, terror in her eyes as she looked behind me. 'It's the man from earlier, with black eyes and knives for hands.' Her voice wavered with fear.

Jesus I'm so glad I don't believe in supernatural shit because otherwise I'd never be able to sleep here again.

I cupped her cheek and moved her head to look into my eyes.

'There's nothing there baby, I promise. Just don't look.'

'Are you s-sure?' She whispered, her brown orbs staring deeply into mine.

I gave her a smile and turned to look behind me.

'See, nothin' there at all sugar.' I turned back to look at her and she swallowed, pressing her hand against my chest again.

'And you're here right, you're real.' She said quietly, almost to herself.

I smiled at her again, pressing my hand on top of hers. 'You can feel my heart beat can't you?'

She nodded, pressing her hand into me harder. My heart skipped a beat in my chest as her brown eyes looked into mine and I swallowed, hoping she didn't notice.

'If this is real, how come you're actually talking to me?' Bella said softly.

I closed my eyes briefly. 'Ah, I…'

Bella frowned, 'I hate it when you ignore me.'

I swallowed. 'I hate it too.'

'Why?' She asked me, her deep brown eyes searching mine.

I shook my head at her. 'I'm sorry.'

'I miss you.' She said hoarsely.

I cupped her cheek, breathing out slowly.

Her mouth was so close to mine I could feel her breath on my lips.

Oh, baby. I miss you too.

'I'm right here.' I said carefully.

Her eyes welled up and she looked down sadly, 'Do you miss me?'

I tilted her chin up with my finger, 'Of course I fucking miss you.' I sighed, 'I l…'

I stopped myself immediately. Jesus Christ I'm way too fucking tired for this conversation.

'I like spending time with you.' I said hurriedly, trying to cover up my words.

Fuck, please don't remember this conversation.

My phone beeped and Bella jumped.

Thank fuck for that.

I picked it up, staring at the screen blearily.

Fuck I was tired.

Hope you two are asleep and night went okay, I just got to practice. I'll be over in 3 hours with some McD's. J

I sighed.

We haven't slept, she's still fucking wired. I'm hoping she'll fall asleep soon so I can pass out too. I'd skip the food dude, doubt we'll be up for eating and hopefully we'll be asleep. Can you bring weed? You going to school or staying here with us?

Shit really? I'm sorry, I should have been there. I really appreciate it man. Ok, let me know if there's anything else. Yeah, I'll skip. Then you can get some sleep.

K. If we're asleep when you get here DO NOT wake us up. You going to be pissed if I put her in my bed? Don't want to leave her on her own.

It's fine. Gotta go.

Bella made an impatient noise and I looked up at her.

'What's the matter baby?' I asked her, smiling despite myself.

She looked so fucking cute.

She jumped on me and I laughed as she buried her face in my neck.

I rubbed my hand up her back as she yawned.

'You sleepy?'

Thank fuck.

She hummed into my neck and I sat up from the sofa, grabbing her legs and holding them around my waist.

She sighed softly as I walked her up the stairs.

I deposited her on my bed.

She snuggled into my pillow and I laughed.

Fucking cute.

God, I wished I could kiss her.

I sighed wearily, going to look through my wardrobe for a shirt for her to wear.

I turned back to her with it in my hands and she stood up on my bed, swaying from side to side.

Her hands ran across her skin and she shivered.

'I'm so hot, are you hot?'

I swallowed as she lifted the shirt over her head and tossed it aside, revealing her fucking gorgeous, full tits.

Fuck. Me.

I tried to ignore her dusty pink nipples and how fucking good she looked.

I moved towards her with the shirt in my hand.

'Bella.' My voice was practically a groan as she looked at me from under her eyelashes.

'Here.' I said, holding the shirt out to her.

She didn't make any move to grab it and I groaned.

'Fuck Bella. Seriously? Come here.' I ordered.

She obliged, stepping towards me.

I grabbed her by the waist and stood her in front of me.

'Hands up.' I ordered, keeping my eyes on hers.

She raised them above her head yawning and I pulled the shirt down, breathing a sigh of relief when she was covered.

Bella undid her shorts by herself thankfully and I had to stop myself groaning when she bent over and her gorgeous ass was revealed to me in nothing but a tiny black thong.

My cock twitched.

Fuck.

I'm the worst guy in the world.

She was so high and I was being a fucking creep.

She buried herself into my pillow again, sighing at me as I quickly threw on a pair of sleeping pants, keeping my shirt on.

I didn't think Jasper would be overly pleased if he found me half naked in bed with his girl.

I turned off the light and crawled into the bed, grabbing her and tucking her into my chest so I could keep her on her side.

I didn't think she was going to throw up, she seemed fine, but just in case…

She was already fast asleep and snoring slightly.

I closed my eyes.

X

I stirred, something tickling my nose.

I opened my eyes slightly, seeing nothing but brown hair. I lifted my head, squinting. Bella was still tucked into my chest and to my surprise Jasper was passed out next to her, one arm under the pillow, the other linked with Bella's in between them.

Bella shifted in her sleep, turning to face me and slinging an arm over my waist, her head nestling into my shoulder.

Jasper moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her and resting his head between her shoulder blades.

Bella hummed in her sleep, a smile playing at her mouth.

My eyes closed again.

'Bella don't wake him up.' I heard.

I blinked blearily, opening my eyes.

Bella was sitting on the bed next to me, holding a cup of coffee.

I yawned, stretching my arms above my head and Bella grinned, starting to move towards me.

Jasper quickly grabbed the coffee from her hands, laughing as she wrapped her arms around me.

'You okay sugar?' I asked, my voice husky from sleep. 'What time is it?'

'3.' Jasper drawled, sitting on the bed next to Bella and placing the cup of coffee on the bedside table. 'Bella woke up at 11ish but we wanted to let you sleep, didn't we darlin'?' His eyes were bloodshot and he looked fucking wrecked.

I doubted I looked any better.

'I brought you coffee.' Bella mumbled into my chest.

'Thanks.' I said, rubbing her back. 'How are you feeling?'

'Fucking stellar.' She said sarcastically.

I stifled a laugh. 'Are you done tripping?'

She sighed against me and I shivered at the feel of her warm breath on my neck.

'Not really. Still hallucinating.'

'PCP takes ages to leave.' Jasper commented softly, 'You might feel it for a few days still.'

Bella's grip on me tightened.

'Are you on a come down?' I asked quietly.

Bella lifted her head from my chest and shook her head at me. 'Not yet.'

'She cried half the morning.' Jasper stated, shooting Bella a concerned look.

'Well that's…I don't want to talk about that.' She said stiffly, leaning over to grab the coffee and handing it to me.

'Here.' She smiled, kissing my cheek.

I tried to ignore the warm feeling that spread in my chest.

I sat up, yawning.

'Do you remember anything from last night?' I asked Bella curiously, hoping I didn't sound as nervous as I felt.

Bella's eyes were strangely guarded as she stared into my eyes. 'Not really no.'

Jasper snorted. 'Not surprised, you were fucked darlin'.'

My stomach growled. 'Fuck I'm hungry. Alright let's let Jasper sleep a few more hours Bella. We can go make some food.'

Jasper smiled at me gratefully.

'Okay.' She grinned. She turned to Jasper and he smiled softly at her, his eyes light.

'You going to kiss me goodnight?' He winked.

'Come here then sugar.' I teased.

He burst out laughing and Bella giggled, a glint in her eye that suggested she enjoyed the suggestion.

Bad girl.

I raised my eyebrows at her and she smiled wickedly before leaning into Jasper and kissing him, her hand on his chest.

He tugged her closer, tangling a hand in her hair and she moaned breathily.

I grimaced, getting out of bed.

'I'm going to have a shower.'

X

Bella was standing in front of the window, staring into the garden when I came downstairs.

'You okay?' I asked her, coming to stand next to her.

The sun was beaming through the glass, warming my skin.

Bella nodded, her eyes darting from one side of the garden to the other.

'What do you see?' I asked her curiously, itching to wrap my arms around her.

She smiled wryly. 'Fairies.'

'Cool.' I mused.

Bella turned to me, her eyes still dilated. 'Not really. Fucking terrifying actually. Razor sharp teeth and these black eyes.' She shuddered.

I gave in and tugged her into me gently, wrapping my arms around her stomach. 'I'll protect you from the evil little fairies.' I said playfully into her ear.

She shivered, leaning back into me and I frowned, holding her tighter. 'You cold?'

'I…guess.' Bella said softly.

'I can get you a hoodie if you want ba-Bella?'

I fought the temptation to press my hips forwards to feel her ass against my crotch. She smelt so fucking good and she was so warm.

I let go of her before my dick could ruin the moment.

Bella swallowed and I frowned at her. 'What's wrong?'

She shook her head at me and then gazed back out into the garden.

A weary sigh slipped from her mouth. 'It's wearing off…I need to take another one.'

I snorted. 'Yeah that's not going to fucking happen.'

Bella turned to look at me, her eyes narrowing. 'Why? I need to…I can't feel like this…'

'Yes, you can. Talk to me. What happened Bella?'

Her beautiful brown eyes filled with tears but she lifted her chin so they didn't fall.

'Nothing.'

I grabbed her jaw gently and stared into her eyes. 'Clearly something happened. You can put off talking about it as long as you want, it won't make it go away.'

Her bottom lip trembled. 'She lied to me.'

'Your mom?'

Her eyes narrowed. 'Don't call her that right now. She doesn't fucking deserve the title.'

'Okay.' I said softly.

She sighed. 'I'll…I'll tell you eventually. Just…I need a cigarette.'

I sat with her while she smoked. She was contemplative, staring at the trees.

I let her stew for a while but I didn't want her to stay in her head too much.

'More fairies?' I teased.

The corner of her mouth turned up and her big brown eyes fixed on mine.

'Not so much.'

'Come on let me make you something to eat.' I said softly.

She nodded slowly and I grabbed her hand and tugged her to the kitchen.

She giggled when I grabbed her waist and sat her on the kitchen counter.

She smiled at me and I found myself remembering the sight of her sitting there naked, spread out for me, her eyes all dark and needy.

Fuck.

'What do you want?' I asked her in a low tone.

Bella's eyes widened and I cleared my throat. 'To eat.' I said quickly. 'What do you want to eat?'

She bit her lip. 'I don't mind. Just not…not pasta.'

'Why?' I asked her raising an eyebrow.

She grimaced. 'Just things are wriggling when they aren't supposed to right now and I feel like pasta will be a whole…thing.'

I laughed. 'Hmm okay. But you know my repertoire is a little lacking especially when you take out pasta.'

She grinned at me, her eyes sparkling. 'Do you have nuggets?'

I smiled back at her. 'I think I can do nuggets.'

I put friends on for Bella and we sat on the floor with her sitting between my legs to eat.

When we finished she lay back against my chest, tangling her legs with mine.

I buried my face in her hair, ignoring the screen completely and breathing her in.

'Mason, the mechanic guy, he's…I know him, from…before I moved here. We were best friends growing up, his name is Edward. I didn't…I didn't recognise him until a few days ago and he didn't tell me that we knew each other.'

She breathed out slowly, her voice monotonous. 'After work…we went to talk, I wanted to understand why he hadn't told me who he was. I told you before that sometimes he…he acted like he hated me, well he does.' She choked.

'When I left…Edward and I we were fighting with each other. It wasn't a planned thing for me to leave, it was really sudden. Char…my dad…'

She started crying and my chest constricted painfully.

'Shh.' I soothed her, kissing her neck.

She took a few shuddering breaths, 'Renee made me change my phone because she didn't want T-. She didn't want people from before to have my new number but she told me she'd give it to Edward's mom…

I just assumed he didn't want to talk to me when he never called but…he never got the message because…'

Bella choked.

'His mom was…she's…gone. I had no idea.

I asked about her and he completely lost it. He told me that… his mom had d-…and that Renee knew.

She didn't fucking tell me. He lost his mom and thought that I didn't care.'

Bella's body stiffened. 'How could she not fucking tell me…Ella… she was…she was more of a mom to me than Renee and now she's…she's gone.' Her voice was hollow and broken.

'Edward doesn't believe that I didn't know. He hates me more than ever and I don't blame him. When he left me there I couldn't…I couldn't feel it Paul. It was so…'

I tucked my chin against her shoulder, wrapping my arms around her stomach.

I knew Bella's mom was shitty but Jesus.

She choked back a sob. 'I can't go back to the apartment, I can't be near her.'

I breathed out carefully, my jaw twitching.

'He just left you?'

'Please Paul, I don't want to talk about it anymore.'

I kissed her head, wrapping my arms around her stomach. 'Okay. You can stay here for as long as you need baby.'

She gripped my arms tightly, her breaths slowing down again.

After a while she turned to look at me. 'Baby?'

Fuck.

'I've called you baby lots of times.' I said innocently.

Bella frowned at me. 'Maybe during sex.'

'It's no big deal.' I said quickly, 'I say it to everyone.'

Bella's face fell. 'Oh.'

She started to pull away from me and I sighed, tugging her back.

Christ.

I didn't call anyone else fucking baby but I couldn't tell her that shit.

I dropped my head to her neck. 'Don't leave.' I murmured.

Bella huffed, but relaxed in my arms and I kissed her neck gently.

Her whole body shivered, and I swallowed.

I kissed her there again and she sighed breathily, her back arching.

Fuck. She still wanted me.

I felt my cock harden.

I wanted to run my hands down her stomach, kiss her mouth, hear her moan my name.

Fuck, stop.

I pulled back from her abruptly. 'I should go wake up Jasper.' I said awkwardly.

Bella shifted in my arms, looking guilty. 'Yes. I um, I need to pee anyway.'

'Okay.' I said hurriedly.

We got up from the floor.

X

'Fuck!' Bella exclaimed. 'I need to call in sick!'

I yawned, stirring the pan of pasta.

I'd exhausted all culinary options and it was all I could fucking make.

'Already did that sugar.'

Bella turned to me with narrowed eyes. 'How did you get into my phone?'

I rolled my eyes. 'I don't know Bella, maybe because your passcode is fucking bumblebee, which also happens to be your background.'

Jasper snorted from the counter and Bella gave me an indignant look.

'What did you say?' She asked worriedly.

'I said you were sick.' I told her. 'Jas can you grate some cheese.'

He grumbled and slid off the counter, squeezing Bella's ass as he walked past her.

Bella smiled softly but it didn't reach her eyes.

I frowned at her, grabbing her wrist and tugging her to me.

'You okay?'

She sighed, dropping her forehead to my shoulder and I rubbed her back.

'Feel like shit.' She mumbled.

Jasper stopped fucking with the cheese packet and came over.

'Would a group hug make you feel better baby?' Jasper offered, grinning.

I rolled my eyes when he wrapped his arms around us both and squeezed.

Bella laughed into my chest.

Jasper pulled Bella away from me and I felt a plummeting sensation in my stomach.

'Should smoke up darlin', it'll help with the comedown.' Jasper said to Bella, kissing her neck as he hugged her from behind.

'Yeah.' She said softly. Her eyes flicked up to mine. 'Will you smoke too?'

'Yeah, sure.'

He turned to her.

'Baby I'm going to have to go in a sec.' He said, looking apologetic.

Bella nodded slowly. 'Your competition is tomorrow.'

Jasper sighed. 'Yeah. I'm really sorry I don't want you to think I don't want to be here with you.'

'No…I know it's important to you.'

Jasper cupped her cheek. 'But you're also important to me, you know that don't you beautiful?'

I felt a stabbing sensation in my chest but I couldn't look away.

Didn't know I was such a fucking masochist.

She nodded, smiling at him weakly.

He kissed her and she melted into his body, her arms wrapping around his neck. He bent his head to murmur something in her ear and she shivered, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip.

Our eyes met for a moment and I felt something lurch in my chest. Bella studied me curiously and I realised with a shock that I was probably wearing my emotions on my face. I looked away sharply, finishing the food.

We ate at the table together and then Jasper got up to leave, kissing Bella softly.

'You two goin' to school tomorrow?' He asked her.

She sighed softly, 'Yeah.'

He smiled at her and she ran a hand through his hair.

'Good luck baby. You'll be amazing.' She said sweetly, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

I fought a grimace.

She's never called me baby.

'Break a leg, or you know, don't.' I teased Jasper when he extracted himself from her arms.

He rolled his eyes at me.

'I'll try, thanks man. I'll see you both after school tomorrow?'

'I have to go to work.' Bella breathed out, a nervous look in her eye.

I crossed my arms, 'I'll take you.'

I would like to talk to this fucking Edward.

Jasper frowned and I realised Bella mustn't have told him yet.

'My car is still there.' She elaborated for Jasper, looking at me briefly before back to him.

'Just come here tomorrow night man. She's staying for a while anyway.' I said, trying to keep the bite out of my voice.

'Yeah.' Jasper glanced at me curiously before leaning to kiss Bella again.

I started clearing away the plates as she walked him out the door.

I was washing up when I felt Bella wrap her arms around my waist from behind me, making me jump. I finished drying the last plate and stacked it next to the sink.

Bella sighed against my back and I turned in her arms, hugging her tightly.

'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine, just feeling…down.'

I kissed her head, 'Come on, lets smoke up and then go to bed. You must be fucked.'

When we were both feeling mellowed out from the weed, Bella showered and I sorted out the guest room for her to sleep in.

I couldn't cope with her in my bed, especially if she was going to be here a while…

I didn't trust myself.

The room was a fucking nightmare and there was crap all over the bed which I had to move and dump into a pile in the corner of the room.

I looked up as she came out of the bathroom smelling like soap, her hair wet and her face pink.

She looked fucking edible.

'What are you doing?' She asked me, leaning against the doorway.

She was in another one of my T-shirts and a rolled up pair of my boxers.

God I love her in my clothes.

'Sorting this shit out so you can sleep in here.' I told her, shoving the last pillow into its case.

She made a discontented noise and I turned to look at her curiously.

'Why can't I sleep with you?'

I sighed, 'Because. Jasper….'

'What about him?' Bella frowned at me.

'He wouldn't like it.' I elaborated, throwing the pillow on the bed.

'It's not like I'm riding your cock, it's just sleep.' Bella pouted.

'I think his problem would be the fact you have ridden my cock.' I pointed out, raising an eyebrow at her.

'I remember.' She said huskily. The glint that appeared in her eye made my cock swell and I swallowed.

'So do I.' I said under my breath.

She bit her lip, 'Just tonight then, please? I don't want to be on my own.'

I sighed, 'Okay, well, it's ready for you tomorrow then.'

'Okay.' She grinned, skipping into my room and jumping onto my bed.

'Fuckin' cute.' I muttered under my breath, shutting the door behind me. I turned the light off and fell next to her on the bed, staring pointedly at the ceiling.

'It wasn't a distraction.' She said after a while.

I turned my head to hers curiously, 'What?'

'When I kissed you last night. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you.'

Fuck, don't say that to me.

I sighed heavily, 'Why are you…why are you telling me this?'

'I wanted you to know.' Bella said softly, 'And I meant it when I said I missed you.'

I swallowed and turned my head back to the ceiling. 'So, you do remember last night.'

Bella sighed softly, 'I remember…some of it. I don't know how much is just my imagination.'

Fuck.

'I know you found me, that you looked after me.' Her voice was slightly shaky and I breathed out slowly, moving my head to face her again.

'I'll always look after you.' I assured her, feeling my heart jump in my chest as I stared into her deep brown eyes.

She bent her head forwards and kissed me on the mouth, softly, her lips barely brushing mine.

My mouth parted automatically and she captured my bottom lip between hers, sucking slightly.

I bit back a groan, pulling back from her.

I fought down the rising lust in my gut and frowned at her.

'What was that for?' I asked throatily.

'Just saying thank you.' She breathed out.

I swallowed, itching to grab her and kiss her properly.

Her fingers rose to touch her lips and she stared at me with a confused expression.

I raised an eyebrow at her.

'What?' I asked defensively.

She shook her head, 'Nothing.'

I lay there awake for hours, acutely aware of her steady breathing next to me.