PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":
"Mer?" "Hey, what's going through your head right now?" Cristina asks Meredith rather tenderly. Even more tenderly than the first time.
"Oh, I was just thinking about, well, Addison " Meredith lets her name fall from her lips before she realizes she's said it.
"Ah," Cristina says to her simply. "What are you thinking about then?" Cristina offers her.
"Well, I guess I was thinking about kissing Addison ," Meredith says before cursing internally at herself for letting that part slip out easily as well.
"So are you?" Derek questions her once again.
"Am I?" Mirrors Addison with a questioning tone.
"Are you becoming a LESBIAN?" Derek says with a jeer.
"God, you really don't give up on that one, do you" she swears.
"Lesbians are hot," Burke says to her the same way a 14-year-old boy might.
"They are," Derek adds with a smirk.
"Ugh, men" Addison wants to throw something like a brick at them now.
"Ugh, men are what usually lesbians think about boys in the bedroom" BAILEY now chimes in here.
"WHAT!" Addison exclaims at Miranda this time.
"Well, you ASKED" Bailey gives her that all-knowing glance.
"Ugh, fine. I find women attractive. But I don't want to date Cristina Yang. Are we satisfied now?" Addison says with a huff.
"I KNEW IT," says Derek. "You always looked at your best friend Naomi sort of that way. Mostly while you were drunk but there was a look in your eye. A look that used to be only for me…" Derek continues.
"It was the lust look. The one you'd get when you were on your like- cycle or something. The one that meant that I should take an early night off, buy a bottle of champagne and wash the sheets over again" Derek says with a smirk.
"I- really? You did all that? " Addison says in surprise. "You have certain tells in your body you know. When you want something. When you want SEX. Like your hips move more than before, or you start to rub on my shoulders more often" he says.
"I'm surprised you're only telling me this now," Addison says, a bit stunned.
"It hurt to say it because it wasn't always directed at ME," Derek says with sadness.
"And more than half the time it seemed like it was about a woman," he says. "You'd see a hot girl at the beach or at the bar. Sometimes you'd flirt with her, subconsciously, I guess, at least. More times it was that they would be flirting with YOU. And you'd, I don't know you'd just enjoy it a lot , a lot more than one might expect...from someone completely straight " he says.
"It was all really innocent, you never moved forward. But the way that you looked at those women, the way that those women molded you in their hands if they did touch you, even accidentally. I don't know, I guess I always wondered, that's all" he says softly. And Addison just nods at him in simple understanding.
Addison realizes the pain he might have caused to Derek through this. But she gives him a look that lets him know it's on his side too.
Addison has been watching for years how Derek has fallen in love with his male best friend. And she's sad in a way, too that her husband could not admit this part of who he was, either.
And the difference now is that Addison is admitting her (apparently not-so-newfound-) feelings of attraction towards the same sex - in her case towards women - in general -
(generally directed to one woman in particular - Meredith Grey - But she's not ready to admit THAT part out loud to anyone - anyone ELSE - not yet at least...) .
But she's not going to force out Derek to do the same unless he wants to, which he clearly doesn't because he's looking away...
(As Meredith looks down at the pain and the sadness in Addison's eyes, all she wants is to be able to hold on to her tight. She wants to wrap her arms around this tall woman just like she did when she slipped.)
(Meredith wants to catch Addie right out of the air. She wants to be there when she falls. She wants to be around for her hurt. Meredith wants to be the kind of person her mystery person was to her.)
(Although she's still not over that 'mystery person'. And although her crush on this woman is still in its infancy. Or maybe it's preschool or even it's childhood years. Maybe teenage? Yes, Teenage feelings that'll do.)
(Meredith still thinks to herself, throughout all the heartache she's had; she's never had the same as Addison either. Sure they were both hurt by Derek. But she was never married then divorced.)
(She was never in something so deep 11 years - half Meredith's life Addison had been with this person. And now she can see all the mixed emotions clouding Addison's face. And all Meredith wants to do is to brush the tears off of Addison's cheek and to tell her she's okay.)
Chapter 20: Break On Through Part Ten
(The moment that Addison realizes the words that had just come out of her mouth she realizes it's far too late now to take them back.)
(Yes, what choice wording that was. Addison has officially "Come Out" to an entire O.R of Attending physicians as well as Miranda Bailey. And she's not sure what to think of all this…)
"Bovie," Richard Webber asks of Bokhee, the scrub nurse. "Bovie" she confirms as she places the tool in the palm of Richard's hand.
(Did I say it inside of my head? Did they not even hear a word of that conversation? Did I imagine it? Is that why no one is reacting to the fact that I am newly BISEXUAL!?)
(Maybe not so NEWLY, more like, newly DECLARED. Or ANNOUNCED, rather...)
"So like, you really want to lick the pussy?!" Is Preston Burke's next scintillating question.
(Whelp, nope I guess I really DID say that last part out loud, now didn't I- Well, here goes…)
Addison thinks to herself how she'll handle this onslaught… what if the INTERNS had heard.
(What if MEREDITH GREY had just heard, heard her declaration of homosexual tendencies!?)
Meanwhile, Bailey's interns are now throwing LITERAL peanuts at each other in the gallery.
"Seriously!" Izzie says to them all when she doesn't share.
"It's the PEANUT GALLERY!" Alex says to her as if he'd been the most genius person in the whole wide world to think of THAT one.
"It sure is the peanut gallery," Izzie says back to him without sharing more, missing the play on words completely as the other interns are laughing from Alec Karev's pun.
"Ooh look at that quality repair," Cristina Yang says. She's looking down with open eyes as the surgeons complete a tricky part.
"Nice!" George O'Malley cheers, pretending he's not leaning closer to Alex to pick a peanut off his scrub top with the tip of his tongue.
"YOU GUYS!" Meredith admonishes them all.
"How can you be actually eating PEANUTS OFF OF EACH OTHER IN THE DAMN GALLERY!" Meredith yells just a little.
"Well you were just m-" Cristina cuts herself off before she mentions it.
"YOU DO NOT EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE CRISTINA!" Meredith looks at her seriously.
"You were just mentioning that it's pretty cool how sort of soundproof these walls are, right?" Cristina says with a smirk.
Meredith knows she's had a clever word that starts with an "m" planned all ready to go.
"Yeah, I was just mentioning that," Meredith says with a grin. "And it's right that I mention it because we wouldn't want the ATTENDINGS to know all this peanut nonsense we're talking about in our own PEANUT gallery in the gallery up here." Meredith laughs.
"Plus we can say that when we tell them we couldn't hear a single word they have been saying to each other for the past like hour and a half and we don't want to always be on the speakerphone" Meredith shrugs.
"I used to come here as a kid and play with my anatomy jane doll. She had so many removable parts. I even got the pregnancy extension set for my eleventh birthday" Meredith says to them all excitedly.
"Wow, even your childhood was medical. I am SO jealous of your inbred MEDICAL ROYALTY" Cristina says to her all in a fake huff.
"Yeah, well if YOUR mother was Ellis Grey you wouldn't say that for SURE" Meredith whines to the others.
"Hey, you've met MY MOTHER, ya wanna trade for a decade?" Cristina laughs.
"Ok, I see your point!" Meredith squeals at her, reaching over to steal another one of Izzie Stevens' peanuts.
"Well lucky you! My mom was nice when she wasn't all sick" Alex says.
It's the first time Alex has said anything at all about his family and everyone thinks about that.
But then he looks all scared and awkward and NOT Alex Karev,
So then George O'Malley saves him by saying that HIS mother Louise O'Malley literally knits swears like, "ALL OF THE TIME, IN EVERY SINGLE COLOR EVER!"
And they all laugh and Meredith jokes that if she ever gives up sex and drinking maybe she'll take up knitting sometime.
And then Izzie Stevens throws a peanut at her because she says that's the "most absurd thing she's ever heard."
And Cristina leans over REAL close to Izzie so SHE can steal a peanut on purpose.
And Izzie purposely leans away and back in her chair so Cristina will practically have to crawl right onto her lap to get one.
(And Meredith smiles at them both and thinks about how SHE'D like to be crawling on SOMEONE's lap just about now.)
(And she's sort of happy because she's still just having gotten over not-McDreamy)
(And she's really found herself in these recent times without anyone.)
(So she just sits there, in silence, watching George and Alex smooch once before laughing.)
(And watch how Cristina and Izzie are holding hands under their chairs now.)
(And how she's the only one of Bailey's group of their interns who is all alone now.)
(And she's still thinking about that damn 'mystery person' and the note they left her)
(She wonders if Cristina secretly kept it. That would be a Cristina-shaped sort of thing to do.)
(She wants to ask her but she's having so much fun with Izzie now she won't bother her.)
(And she wonders more about this mystery and how long in her life she'll have to keep wondering.)
(She's decided she should maybe consider setting a timeline. Like a personal boundry)
(Like, if she doesn't find the 'mystery person' in the next three weeks or two she should give up on them.)
(Because she's not sure she's willing to be with someone who's held out that long to a secret.)
(And maybe they were trying to give her space to breathe and to get over her breakup.)
(She imagines she spoke about Derek that night since they broke up then.)
(So maybe they were just waiting until she was ready.)
(IS SHE READY? How would she know how WILL she know?)
(Meredith thinks to herself as she joins in her friend's conversation again.)
(She's focused on what they are saying now so she can't hear all the banter below.)
"So like, you really want to lick the pussy?!" Is Preston Burke's second time asking that question!
(Whelp, how the hell do I even ANSWER a question so vulgar as that while at work.)
(Truth be told, Addison's not necessarily gotten THAT far into her fantasies, so she's sort of lost.)
"Well if you need any hands-on lessons about how to give love to a woman, well you know where to find me" Burke snickers a bit to her as he reaches over her hand for a clamp.
('EW!' Oh wow, if you're thinking 'EW' about men in bed all a sudden maybe you really ARE gayer than you even though you were in the first place…)
"Well that's a generous offer, Preston but I'll have to politely decline," Addison says to her colleague politely.
She doesn't want to rise to his bait unnecessarily, nor feigned any sort of interest whatsoever.
"You know I bet that she'd like women better. I mean she's a GYNO for god's sakes. She practically LIVES for vaginas. Should you be working at your job? Is that even appropriate to have your patients around you?" Derek says to her a bit meanly.
But before Addison steps in, to defend herself, it's Miranda Bailey who seems to have her back beyond her wildest expectations.
"Doctor Montgomery has been nothing but professional with her patient care, and I'll say that it's very brave of her to be opening up a very vulnerable part of her own personal life with us." Bailey starts.
"And furthermore, I do not believe that a person's sexual orientation, much less their anything else like that for that matter - should have any sort of overlapping generalization to do with their work." Bailey continues.
"And we all know that the correct term for Addison Montgomery's chosen medical specialty is OBGYN, as well as neonatal and fetal surgery, notwithstanding her groundbreaking genetics research. So you can stick your prejudices back up where they came from!" Bailey concludes.
"Thank-Thank-You" Addison stammers out a bit at Bailey's bold stance.
"That's no problem, Doctor Montgomery," Bailey says to her, using her unmarried name on purpose because she knows that Addison likes that now.
"But you better not be foolin' around with any of MY interns you hear that. Not man nor woman interns I don't want no more Attendings getting in any more of my intern's pants." Bailey says to her sternly.
"The last thing that MY students need is for the likes of their teachers, their mentors, and their superiors to be taking off all their clothes with them and then breaking their hearts all over here left and right" Bailey adds.
"Because when all that happens, now that affects MY day. And my day is hard enough handling the likes of YOU FOOLS-" Bailey gestures to the Attendings around the room now to know that she's talking all about THEM now.
(Good God, Bailey sure is some BADASS at bringing some sense into people!)
(About that bringing that sense into people, you did hear that part about not 'foolin' around' with interns right? And that was directed at YOU, too, about a certain GREY girl as well…)
(Oh, hush now, Bailey's not even finished what she's going to say! Listen to the rest first.)
"So if you want to screw around with men, women, people in general then don't go screwing around with your students or anyone else lower than you on this food chain in the hospital" Bailey doesn't waver, not even one little bit.
"But that said, I know that the heart wants what it wants sometimes, and you just can't help yourself from that. I don't want to deprive anyone THE LOVES OF THEIR LIVES-"
Bailey softens a bit when she says that. "Hell, I know I found one of MY lovers and he wasn't even in the same type of job that I have and I love him all the same. It ain't perfect but we have what we have now together. And I know I wouldn't have wanted to have rules from that..." Baile keeps on explaining.
"Look, all I'm asking is that if - if you do decide to date one of the interns - ESPECIALLY if it's one of MY interns like you two both did before…"
(Bailey is eyeing both Preston Burke and Derek Shepherd for the moment at least, not you at least, Addie.)
"Then I suggest you think long and hard about whether you're doing this because it's for YOUR best interests in your lives or for THEIRS. Because there's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time…"
"And I don't want any of MY interns or anyone else's interns for that matter to be wastin' they' time on the likes of YOU if you don't know for certain that's what THEY want as much as it is what YOU want…" Bailey continues.
By now even Richard Webber is smiling proudly at his young protege to be delivering what he himself cannot even construct in such a well-ordered manner.
(Given his own past ANTICS around Seattle Grace it might have fallen on deaf ears coming from HIM.)
(Him being the one who was screwing Meredith Grey's MOTHER in this very hospital.)
(While she was still with Meredith's father before she left him, but Richard never left Adele.)
(Wow, being in that kind of love triangle must SUCK" Addison thinks ironically to herself…)
(And then Addison zones out again just for a few moments.)
(And speaking of Meredith, she's now considering all of HER potential lovers.)
(SHE doesn't want to be caught in a permanent love triangle like her 2 or 3 parents-? )
(And how will she ever pick between these two lovers if they come forward at once!)
(Because she has sort of mythical things on to both of them.-)
(Them being the mystery person' and ADDISON, that is.)
(She knows it's maybe not healthy to think of either of them all this much or this way.)
(But as her friends are giggling and sharing their peanuts and their peanut-gallery jokes and opinions all around her, she's with her BEST FRIENDS and she should be happy.)
(She IS happy, she loves them, they love her too. Some of them REALLY seem to be loving each OTHER right about damn now.)
(And she lets her mind wander again, Meredith looks at how her friends are feeding each other peanuts in the so-called-bubble of a PEANUT GALLERY.)
(And how SHE'd like to be feeding Addison peanuts right out of the box.)
(And how she'd break all the rules of the gallery just to take Addison a snack.)
(And that she'd love it if someday Addison would give her the same)
(BUT THAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW IF ADDISON WOULD EVEN EVER LIKE WOMEN AT ALL- much less someone so scrawny and small like herself without all the other crap who she was to that girl.)
(And she doesn't know if Addison would be the type of Attending to want to date a STUDENT.)
(AND one with all of her dark and twisty and mommy and daddy issues like, also…)
(And even in her magical gay fantasy world where ADDISON really DID want her BACK…)
(And she doesn't know if she would want to wait, like FOUR YEARS to go out with her.)
(But she's not so sure that she WOULDN'T want to wait for Addison, then, either.)
(There's a sneaking part of her that's sort of saying she'd wait forever if she could have that beautiful girl…)
(Meredith stares down at Bailey now, who seems to be giving a lecture or something.)
(But the room is too quiet to hear anything without the speakerphone.)
(So all she hears is the laughter of her friends, which joins in with them all out anyhow-)
(Even if she looks away periodically, subtly and not too easy to notice, sometimes, she looks down to the O.R from her seat in the gallery but never for too long or too hard.,)
(But just for a second so she can watch Addison Montgomery's hands weave her stitches…)
Addison bats an eye up to the gallery now, and all the interns as she weaves her last stitches, still listening to all of Miranda Bailey's speech whirring by.
She can see the interns all laughing and sneaking peanuts into the gallery.
Addison smiles to herself, remembering her residency days and how she once did the same.
(Addison focuses back on Bailey's speech completely now.)
"So if you're certain that what you want and what they want and what you two are capable of is an ADULT, MATURE, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, then MAYBE I will consider it a good thing. BUT ONLY IF, and only if, you recognize that until the day they graduate from the program-"
"That you - we - not that I'm at all on the scene right now - but that we, as their teachers, will ALWAYS have the upper hand. So it's much harder to navigate consent, and sex, and rules, and boundaries, and pacing while you're dealing with someone who's your student" Bailey says.
And as she drones on more, the interns are all snuggled together-some more than others at least...
Despite Cristina Yang being totally invested in cuddling with Izzie during this long operation,
Something she hasn't and won't mention YET is that she can read lips like a pro.
While she was examining the superior surgical skills of the surgeons down there,
She'd also read off of Addison's lips that she'd said she was attracted to women, but just not HER, Cristina Yang.
Now, to anyone else a comment like that might have HURT.
But to Cristina, it all came as a sort of relief.
She's already had that conversation with Addison, and they had a mutual disinterest in liking EACH other, that way at least.
Though Cristina admits to herself Addison IS a good kisser, she's a good kisser in that she imagines what IZZIE kisses like.
And that's what she's MOSTLY just thinking about now.
But she's also thinking in the back of her mind, that probably Meredith would really like how Addison kisses.
And by the look on her face just short hours ago she seemed pretty stoked on the idea.
And how Addison has come out to HER ex-boyfriend and Meredith's ex-boyfriend and all of their bosses both Bailey and Webber.
But she hasn't really come out to the interns - namely Meredith - in the open.
And Cristina thinks this is one of those moments she should save for Addison to do for herself. Coming out is personal and important she knew already.
So she keeps quiet about the lips she's read, checking the looks on the other intern's faces to see if they saw what SHE saw.
But they hadn't seen it, because she knew them and Cristina knew they would have said something.
So then she cuddles even closer into Izzie right now, she wraps her arm over Izzie's shoulder as Izzie plants a soft kiss over her head.
And she decides to be happy, for Addison to share the truth she knew from the beginning, for Meredith to start to share her feelings about Addison.
Happy for George and Alex to have found a new piece of their existence and to enjoy each other,
For herself, to being resigned to meddling in her "unhelpful-at-times" Yoda behavior.
And she just lets herself be adrift and at peace, as she closes her eyes just for a second so she can enjoy Izzie's head fall into the crook of her neck, as she tucks her head down right into hers.
"We are not children anymore, we're all of age. Bailey continues again with her rant.
There's nothing WRONG, per se, with them the interns dating you or you dating them. But there will always be questions; always a risk of giving them an upper hand in their surgeries or not and going the other way and punishing them, too" Bailey continues.
"And there will always be an amount that they will think that you are their heroes, and they may love you for that, and not for you you are outside of the O.R" Bailey says gently, knowing that that one might strike a nerve with Preston Burke and Derek Shepherd.
"I'm not gonna make a rule. It's not right for me to make a rule. I'm not gonna make you kiss and tell. I'm not gonna ask you to tell me who you kiss and I beg of you PLEASE to spare me the gory details. I do not talk about sex - EVER. Not any KIND of sex-" Bailey rambles.
"But I do talk about people's feelings, and I do talk about people's hearts. And I do talk about communication, and learning, and love and of loss. So if you ever want to come to me and ask me your REAL questions, because you CARE about somebody that damn much-"
"And I mean that you CARE about somebody, not that you lust over them or have these dirty little dreams or secrets about them. If you honestly do care, and you want to do things the right way, you come to talk to me about YOUR feelings (not theirs!) and you talk to the Chief, and he'll be there.-"
"And we'll be there for each other. We'll get through this. We'll see" Bailey smiles.
And as she finishes up her long speech, and as the room is silent for a second.
And as the boys hang their heads a bit, reflecting on what they'd done in their past,
Addison thinks quietly to herself for a moment. About all of what Bailey's just said.
(Addison thinks about how SHE feels about Meredith, and how MEREDITH might feel about HER-)
(She thinks of all the ADDED complications they have between them. Her divorcing Derek, Meredith previously dating Derek. Derek's secret about HER. Addison's secret about HERSELF.)
(Addison realizes that in all that she's been trying to protect Meredith from herself, but is she doing more harm than good hiding behind that note and that key and that damn potted plant?)
(Speaking of that damn potted plant, Addison wonders idly if it managed to straighten itself out after she'd knocked into Meredith who'd knocked into it and knocked it over.)
(She'd tried to straighten it out when she laid it there in the kitchen but every time she touched it, the plant just seemed to be less and less straight so she gave up on straightening it and just made sure it was soothed into its pot with some water.)
(Like all it needed was someone to care for it, to cherish it. To love it then, after it had just been knocked over and had been neglected on the ground, almost completely trampled over by the time Addison had circled back to it after putting Meredith to sleep...)
(She even talked to it a bit before she left. Like who even does that? Talk to a potted plant. That's how really fucking lonely she was then. Still is. Sorta...)
(They say it's good for carbon dioxide or photosynthesis or something…To talk to plants. I mean?)
(Oh, heck Addison you're getting yourself WAY off of topic!)
(STUPID POTTED PLANTS THE DAMN THINGS NEVER STAY STRAIGHT WHEN I TRY TO TOUCH THOSE THINGS ANYWAYS. MAYBE I GUESS I DON'T HAVE A GREEN THUMB AFTER ALL!)
At least by this time, Addison has realized she zones out in a thought spiral often enough that she brings herself back before anyone can ask her more questions.
"So you'll think about everything I just said? ALL OF YOU" Bailey is even eyeing at Richard now.
"Yes, I will think about it, thank you, Bailey, " Addison says to her in a way that Bailey knows-
Knows Addison's not talking only about her long speech, but also about the way she stood up for her.
"Well, you're very welcome," Bailey says to her with the same subtext.
"BOYS!" Bailey bellows out loud for them to get their attention.
"Yes, Bailey" Preston Burke, Derek Shepherd - Even Richard Webber mumble in unison.
"Well, that's good then. And congratulations again Addison, as I said, it's an honorable step" Bailey smiles.
And Addison smiles back at Bailey, honestly glad for all that she sticks up for the Interns, too.
Addison chances another glance up to the gallery now, and Meredith Grey meets her eye just for one second before she's looked away and blushing again.
And Addison has the very same reaction that Meredith does and she tries to hide it by then looking right at the floor.
Bailey never misses one, ever, so she sees exactly how Addison and HER INTERN MEREDITH GREY were just making eyes at EACH OTHER.
But she's not going to have that conversation with Addison, now.
And she might not even have to if they never act on it all anyhow.
Bailey thinks that there might be a bigger story here, but she keeps to herself, trusting Addison entirely.
(Because unlike all those 3 boys, she does trust Addison most, and she thinks that she's someone that Meredith Grey might grow into trusting as well.)
So instead, all Miranda Bailey does is that she looks up at Addison, looks her right in the eye.
Bailey can see the weariness, the hurt, and the loss. She can see the sadness, but she can see hope , as well. In Addison's eyes, she can see the teeniest glint of hope, that is.
So she turns to her fully and says to her softly "We accept the love that we think we deserve, Addison," tenderly caressing the syllables of Addison's first name, even though they are in the O.R right now.
Because Bailey is not talking to "Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd" anymore. She's not talking to "Doctor Addison Montgomery," either. Bailey is speaking directly to her, now.
As a friend.
And hell if it isn't exactly the words that Addison needed to hear right now.
All she needed from Bailey or anyone, then, is to know that no matter what, that someone is at her side.
As they finish up the operation, an urgent page comes for all of them - even the interns - from down in pathology.
The 'pregnant man' apparently has a Teratoma, the results just came back.
Addison smiles as she sees the interns scurry down to
Richard assigns Addison to take out the Teratoma first as it still resembles a pregnancy, and Bailey assigns Karev and O'Malley to work with her on the abdomen.
Addison tries not to frown when she doesn't get Grey.
And Bailey tries not to smirk a little at her near-frown.
Richard assigns Preston Burke and Bailey to keep operating with him and Derek down here on their current patient, and Bailey asks for Grey, Yang, and Stevens to stay in working with them.
But at least, Addison thinks to herself, at least I know they're not all TALKING TO JOE! AND ASKING JOE QUESTIONS ABOUT HER! AND THAT NIGHT!
(And Addison decides at that moment that she's not ready to share her feelings to Meredith, ABOUT MEREDITH)
(She's not ready to share her identity as the 'mystery man'.)
*But that she's just outed herself to an entire room full of her work-equals, not social equals always… or at least in her humble opinion though Webber and Bailey are certainly alright.)
(And that she's tired of being so lonely and afraid about 'all of this gay business.')
(So the moment the interns are about to rush off to their assignments,)
Addison comes out loud and proud to say "Oh, and by the way, I'm at least kinda HALF-GAY, I mean for real I mean- I- Girls- Am-women…. You know have a good afternoon"
(Addison stumbles and reddens completely. She's at a loss of her words so she looks down.)
(She looks down RIGHT AT THE FLOOR. She doesn't look up, not for hours it feels like.)
(And she doesn't look up because she can't bear to see the shocked look on everyone's face.)
(She doesn't look up at all before half the interns have gone to scrub in and she-)
(And Alex Karev and George O'Malley have left the room to care for the 'not-a-mystery-pregnancy-patient-no-more')
(She doesn't look up. She didn't look up. Addison NEVER changed even a glance up.)
Not before she's already out into the hall and long gone from the room.
(But, if Addison HAD looked up, she might have given a glance to her crush on the Intern-)
(The intern Meredith Grey. Who would have smiled back at her with a wink and a blush.)
(And then maybe they might have known then, known how Addison felt for her.)
(Meredith might have known how Addison felt al the things that she, more and more felt back.)
(Maybe they might have sensed even MORE from that moment - mysteries, secrets revealed?)
(But Addison never looked up, never glanced even once to her - anyone's way.)
(So Meredith is just standing there with Cristina and Izzie inside the scrub room.)
(She's staring at the blank space at where Addison had just then been standing.)
(She can feel Cristina SMIRKING at her from over there.)
(But Meredith doesn't even look up at Cristina, either,)
(Because Meredith Grey doesn't quite want her best friend Cristina to know yet-)
(Though she has no idea how much Cristina already knows yet-)
(Just how happy Addison Montgomery's newfound admission about her being at least half-Gay, had made Meredith Grey's whole day-)
***** END OF CHAPTER 20
Author's Note:
THANK-YOU folks all SO MUCH for the raving reviews of this piece. Every kudos/like/star. Everytime this story is followed or favorited or bookmarked or subscribed to. Every COMMENT - I live for your comments and waking up to them every day is my favorite. I'd LOVE some feedback on this work as we know it. It's not the end of the world though, even if you can't.
But I'd still love to know your feelings, your favorite moments, your funny quotes, the things you are surprised at. And also the things that you might wonder about, or be frustrated or feel another emotion by reading this one. It's a SLOOOOOOOW burn, I know. But we ARE getting there. I mean, hell, ADDISON JUST CAME OUT ! GO ADDISON ! And Meredith was THERE!
So what do you think will happen next? Let me know in the reviews, I ALWAYS write back to each and every one if I can (I can't on fanfiction if you are a guest…). And I love the long and daily discussions picking the chapter apart. Fans have given me lots of plot ideas and have helped to plug some MAJOR plot holes (like JOE outing Addison. So if you find mistakes tell me and help I'll REALLY appreciate it.
Enjoy the next approximately 24-48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!
THANK YOU FOR READING ! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY 3 3 3