Chapter 17. Boundaries.
Our first day back after Christmas break came quickly, and before I knew it, I was getting out of the Volvo in the school parking lot with a small frown. It wasn't that I didn't like school – for the most part, it was pretty nice. It was just that I was used to getting to spend all day everyday with Edward for the past two weeks and I was pouting about the fact that I would only be able to spend lunch and Biology with him, and I wouldn't even be able to really kiss him then. My attitude both amused and flattered him, though he tried unsuccessfully to hide both from me.
"Hey, Bella!" Alice came bounding up with Jasper trailing behind her. She hooked her arm through mine, grinning. "Did Edward tell you?"
"Hi, Alice. Hi, Jasper," I said, craning to look over my shoulder at Edward; Alice's stone grip held me firm in place. "Tell me what?"
"Hello, Bella," Jasper said in his slow, southern drawl. He smiled but, as usual, kept his distance. He looked perfectly at ease and I was beginning to wonder whether his distance was due to his own doubt in his self-control, or Edward's.
"Alice, can you not?" Edward frowned at his sister.
"Tell me what?" I said again.
"Edward's going hunting this weekend, and we are going to have our first girls' night!" Alice was aglow with excitement. "I'm going to give you a makeover… Oh, and your parents are going to love me, don't worry."
"Wait, you're staying at my house?" I asked, frowning. After seeing the grandeur of the Cullens' home, I couldn't picture her in my tiny bedroom. It was strange enough to have Edward in my living room with my parents and the worn grey sofa. Though, it sure wasn't strange having him in my bed on Christmas night. But that was completely different than having Alice in my room overnight.
"Yeah, your dad won't go for you staying at our place yet. He won't believe that it's not really just an excuse to be with Edward," Alice said, rolling her eyes. "We'll have to wait at least a few more months for him to be okay with that."
"Alice, I don't…" I trailed off when Alice's face went blank. I had only seen her like this twice, and once was before I even knew any of the Cullens, but I knew she was seeing the future.
Jasper stepped to her side and wrapped his arm around her, the closest he had ever gotten to me, and I knew it was his way of trying to normalize the moment for anyone curious enough to notice us. At my side, Edward was frowning slightly, staring at his sister and seeing what she was seeing.
"Don't worry about it, Bella," Alice said brightly, and the suddenness startled me, made me jump. I hadn't even seen the clarity come back to her face. "It's going to be fun. Come on, Jazz, the bell's about to ring. We'll see you later."
And then Alice and Jasper were gone, walking away through the dense fog as if nothing had happened. When I looked at Edward, he looked almost completely at ease again, but I could see just the barest hint of worry in his eyes. Before I could ask him what Alice had seen, the bell rang as she had predicted, and Edward slid his arm behind my back, his hand resting light on my waist.
"Let's get you to English," he said.
As we walked across campus, he chatted affably, telling me how Emmett and Jasper had arm wrestled the night before and Esme had yelled at them for breaking her vase, the one she loved so much she'd moved it with them from city to city for decades. It was a good story, and it would have been nothing out of the ordinary were it not for the fact that I knew he was avoiding telling me about Alice's vision. He kissed me briefly, said he would meet me after class, and left me frowning after him at the door.
He was waiting for me at the door when class ended, much to Eric's chagrin. Eric stopped in the middle of telling me about the game his parents had gotten him for Christmas when he saw Edward leaning against the opposite wall, and waved goodbye to me with a dejected smile.
Edward laced our fingers together the moment I reached him, and began walking with me toward Building Six. "How was class?"
"It was fine," I said. "We just sort of talked about what we're going to be reading this semester. How was Calculus?"
"Same as ever," he said with a small shrug. Before I could ask him why he was walking me to class – usually, he only walked me to the cafeteria, Biology, and gym – or what had happened with Alice in the parking lot, he changed the subject on his own. "I spent most of the time composing a new song in my mind."
"What?" I said, caught off guard. He was being so weird today.
"On the piano, of course," he continued, as if I hadn't spoken. "It's going to be a livelier number than any of the originals you've heard from me before."
"Is that so?" I said, frowning at him. He wasn't fooling me. I knew he was only trying to distract me.
"Don't you want to know the inspiration for it?" He asked, lifting an eyebrow at me.
"I'm sure you're going to tell me," I said loftily. He knew I was on to him, but he didn't seem bothered by the knowledge.
"Christmas." He smirked when I looked at him blankly, and then led me out of the crowd of students heading to class, pressed me up against the wall, and leaned in close so that his breath was in my ear, ruffling my hair as he spoke. "Specifically, our time together on Christmas night."
His words and the desirous tone of his voice made my breathing hitch, my heart race, and it brought a pang of yearning to my belly. He was talking about our most intense make out session yet, and he was doing it surrounded by my peers. I didn't care. When he lifted his head and then brought his lips down on mine hungrily, my hands buried in his hair and I clutched myself to him. After a long, hearty kiss, he pulled away with a smile.
"I hope Government is enjoyable." He pressed a kiss to my cheek and turned and walked away.
I suddenly realized that the wall he had pressed me up against was right next to the door to my next class. When I turned to walk inside, I saw Mike standing there watching me.
"Had a good Christmas?" he asked, and there was some other meaning to his question, but I couldn't focus enough on him to figure it out.
"Yeah, it was great," I said, and walked to my seat. Mike followed me, and it looked like he wanted to say something else, but the bell rang and he had to go to his seat. It was for the best, really, because there was no way I was going to be able to carry on a conversation with him while trying to figure out what Edward was doing.
Mike tried to catch me after Government but, as I expected now, Edward was standing next to the door right where he had cornered me with that searing kiss an hour before.
"See you at lunch, Bella," Mike mumbled, and walked away.
I meant to start talking to him before he could do or say something distracting, but he chuckled and shook his head as he threaded his fingers through mine.
"Newton thinks I've taken your virtue," he whispered in my ear.
"What!"
"He saw us kissing earlier," Edward explained, "and heard me mention Christmas night. He's jumped to his own conclusion of what it meant."
When he dropped me off in front of my Trigonometry class, my mind was still reeling. I couldn't even pretend to pay attention to Jessica as she rambled on about the gift Mike had gotten her for Christmas. He was there after class again, and I wondered how he was managing to get from his classes across campus to mine in time without blowing his cover.
He walked Jessica and me to Spanish and it seemed like, for the first time ever, he was grateful for Jessica's tendency to ramble. He had the same soft, easy smile on his face when he swung by to walk us to lunch. I spent most of the lunch hour staring at him, trying to catch his attention, but he purposely kept close by Jessica and the rest of the humans, so I wasn't able to ask him any meaningful questions.
I thought Biology would be my greatest opportunity because that was where we did most of our secretive talking anyway, but Mr. Banner wheeled a TV into the room on a large, rickety stand and put on a video. I probably could have managed to force some information out of him since we were in the back of the room and no one would see us with our heads together whispering, but as soon as the lights were out that same electric force shot between us and I had to spend the whole period focusing on not jumping my boyfriend. I wondered if it was ever like that for other couples. Did Jessica and Mike ever feel this nearly irresistible urge to tear into each other when the lights went out for a movie? Or would they have been perfectly able to hold a whispered conversation?
The feeling lingered long enough after the bell rang that Edward didn't even have to try to distract me as we walked to the gym; I could barely string two words together, let alone an entire interrogation. When we stopped in front of the gym, he gave me another one of those hot, hungry kisses he would never have dared give me in public as recently as a few weeks ago. It was just my luck that, once again, Mike Newton saw us. I had to walk into the gym and try to avoid playing volleyball with him with the knowledge that he was convinced Edward and I had had sex.
When I walked out of the gym, Edward wasn't there. I stopped in my tracks and frowned when instead I saw Emmett leaning one broad shoulder against the wall.
"Hey, Bella," he said with a friendly little wave.
"Hey, Emmett," I said. I stopped in front of him, waved an awkward goodbye to Mike and Jessica, and then frowned at him. "Where's Edward?"
"He left early," he told me. "Ditched Spanish. He had something to do."
"What?" I was with him literally an hour ago. Minutes before he left, apparently. He hadn't said a word to me.
"Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on. He was being really weird," Emmett said with a shrug. "Come on, I'll drive you home."
"Emmett," I said as he led me out into the parking lot where I saw his Jeep parked in the very back of the lot. "Do you really not know what's going on with him, or are you just saying that because he asked you to?"
"I really don't know," he said, looking me in the eye. I believed him. "But, I'll be honest with you, Bella. If I did know and he asked me to lie to you, I would. He's my brother."
"He told me you think of me as a sister," I grumbled.
"True, but he's been my brother longer." Emmett laughed and then his cold, heavy arm was around my shoulders. People stared as we walked past, but I pretended not to notice.
"Where's everyone else?" I asked when he opened the front passenger door for me and started the car as soon as I was buckled in.
"They all left early," Emmett said.
I stared at him, and then crossed my arms over my chest and settled in for the ride home. They all left school early? There was a reason they left Emmett, the strongest and most intimidating of them all, to look after me. Alice saw something this morning. Something big. Something bad. Something that freaked Edward out enough that he wouldn't let me out of his sight any longer than he absolutely had to, and then ditched school early and left Emmett to drive me home so that he could, what? Have a conference with the rest of the family? Whatever was going on, I was going to get my answers.
When he pulled up to the curb outside my house, I turned in my seat to look at him. Emmett mirrored my position, and I wondered if I looked as annoyed as I felt, or if he thought I looked like a silly little thing trying to be stern with him.
"Tell him I'm on to him. Tell him I'm angry with him." I opened the door and stepped out. "Tell him I'll see him later."
I slammed the door and stalked up the walkway and into the house. I was so annoyed that I stormed right past Renee when she tried to greet me, up the stairs, and into my bedroom. Another door slam. I threw myself onto the edge of my bed and faced the window. And waited.
He showed up several hours later, just as it was getting truly dark outside, hanging there with just his hands holding him up pressed on either side of the window sill. I rushed to the window and threw it open – I knew he was perfectly capable of getting inside on his own, but the few times he had come to my window while I was actually in my room he'd just waited for me to open it for him.
"What's going on, Edward?" I demanded as soon as he was standing in front of me.
"I don't know what you mean," he said, reaching for me and pulling me into his arms. "I just wanted to see you."
"What did Alice see this morning? What has you so worried?" I said. I was upset with him for being so secretive, but I couldn't stop myself from melting into his arms nonetheless.
"Bella, it's nothing to worry about." He sighed when I pulled back to look at him, and I saw him frown and shake his head.
When he leaned in to kiss me, I backed away, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
"Don't you dare do this," I warned. "Don't start hiding things that are bothering you because you think I'll be upset, or frightened, or safer if I don't know. Whatever happened or is going to happen has everyone worried. So tell me."
Edward paced away from me with a grimace, one hand running through his hair. "Bella, it doesn't concern you. Really, there's no reason…"
"If it concerns you, then it concerns me," I told him, sitting on the edge of my bed again and staring up at him. "Remember our agreement? You aren't in control in this relationship. We're equals here."
He rolled his eyes and huffed an aggravated sigh as he leaned against the wall near my door.
"Alice has been seeing a trio of vampires circling the area," he finally said after a long beat of stubborn silence. "They don't seem to have any particular plans; her visions keep changing, like they're deciding as they go. Nomads. A woman and two men."
"Let me guess, they're not the type that respects human life?" I said. In answer, he inclined his head. No, these nomads were not like his family.
"She doesn't think they're going to come here," he said, crossing the room to sit next to me on the bed. "In most cases, she sees them leaving the area without ever coming to Forks, without ever even knowing we're here."
I nodded and let him take my hand in his. "What about the other options?"
"Only a handful of times has she seen them actually in Forks, and only a couple of those times has she seen them make contact. In those cases, it doesn't end peacefully," Edward admitted.
"What happens?"
"Bella, you know her visions can't be taken as fact."
"That isn't what I asked you," I said.
"There's an altercation," Edward said with a resigned look in my direction. "And I end up killing the female."
A chill ran down my spine. I knew he could be dangerous and powerful when he wanted to be, but I couldn't picture it. Not really. I wasn't sure I wanted to.
"But it doesn't end there," I said, watching closely for his reaction. "What happens next?"
"One of the males, he's her mate, and he's a very powerful tracker and he makes it his mission to get his revenge," Edward said. He looked at me through somber, dark eyes. "He decides that the best way to achieve his goal is to go after my mate."
I had never heard any of the Cullens refer to me as Edward's mate, didn't even know if they thought of themselves as mated, or just married, but there was no denying the fact that if Edward had a mate, it was me.
"He kills me," I said, and it sounded odd even to my own ears. Why would such a statement be delivered so matter-of-factly?
"No, Bella, that's not going to happen," Edward said steadfastly. He tilted my chin so that I could see the sincerity in them, the determination. "Alice hasn't seen it, and if she did, I would change it."
"My scent is all over you, and your scent is all over me," I said. "Jasper said it just the other day. We smell like each other. If he's a powerful tracker, then it wouldn't be particularly difficult for him to find me, right?"
"No, it wouldn't," Edward admitted. "But I won't let it come to that."
"How can you stop it? If that's what Alice has seen?"
"That has only been the outcome in two of her visions," he said. "All of the others have ended without your involvement. We've decided we're going to meet them outside of Forks and let things play out."
"Let things play out?" I repeated, anxiously chewing on my bottom lip. Did that mean what I thought it meant? Were the Cullens going to bring the fight to the nomads? And were they doing it to protect me? I didn't know if I could handle it if anything happened to any of them.
"Bella, I don't want you to worry about any of this," Edward said softly. "But I do ask you to be a little… lenient… with me."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not going to want to let you out of my sight," he whispered.
"You have to hunt, Edward," I pointed out, and reached up to touch my fingers gently to the dark circles under his eyes. "And soon."
"I'm okay for a while yet," he said, catching my hand and drawing it down to his lips. "Alice can stay with you when I do need to go."
I shook my head sadly. "Edward, I don't think…"
"Please, Bella," he murmured against the inside of my wrist. "Nothing is going to happen to you, but all the same, once it's dealt with it will be much easier for me to give you your space."
"I don't need space from you," I told him.
"We'll see how you feel in a week." Edward smiled. "When I haven't left your side."
I laughed when he kissed me, then pulled away to look at him shyly, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Does this mean you're staying the night?"
"I can ask Alice, if my being here makes you uncomfortable," he promised.
"No, that's not… I'm not uncomfortable," I said, and stood up. He watched curiously as I signaled for him to stay put. "I need a minute. To be human."
"Of course," he said with a small smile. "I'll wait."
I gathered a change of clothes and paused, turning back with a hand on the doorknob. "It might be more than a minute. You don't have to…"
"I'll wait," he said again, and I was reminded of Christmas night.
I nodded, and then darted out the door, closing it quickly and quietly behind me. I ran to the bathroom – the single, small shared bathroom – and turned on the shower. While I waited for the water to heat up I brushed my teeth. I bathed quickly and debated whether or not to shave my legs.
He'd never touched my bare legs before. He'd never had the opportunity. I wondered if he would want to tonight. We would be alone in my bedroom all night, and the one other time we'd been alone in my bedroom for a few hours at night, it had gotten pretty intense for a minute. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility, and if it was at all possible, I wanted them smooth. I shaved carefully, taking my time. I didn't want to nick my skin and destroy any and all possibility of Edward touching me.
He was lying on my bed, propped up on my pillows reading my worn copy of Pride and Prejudice when I came back. I dumped my day clothes in the hamper and turned to see him sitting up, the book closed and placed carefully back on my nightstand where he had gotten it.
"Just one more minute," I implored, and left the room again.
I ran down the stairs, making myself slow down as I reached the bottom so my parents didn't notice my excitement. They were in the living room watching TV when I passed by on my way to the kitchen. When I walked back in with a glass of water, they hadn't moved.
"Good night," I said.
"Going to bed already?" Charlie asked, looking up from the TV to study me: pajamas, wet hair.
"Yeah, I have a big English test tomorrow. I'm just going to read over my notes and go to bed." It wasn't a total lie. I did have an English test and I was going to be in my bed. I just didn't plan to do any studying.
"Okay, well, sleep tight," Renee said, smiling as I bent to kiss the side of her head.
I headed back upstairs, starting slow at the bottom, and running up the rest of the way to my room. He hadn't moved this time, and was looking at me with an amused smile as I stood in the middle of my room staring at him. What was I supposed to do now?
"Nice pajamas," he said.
I looked down at the long, baggy tie-dye T-shirt I slept in. It was so big it fit me almost like a dress.
"Madison and I tie-dyed shirts last year," I told him. "We, um, we thought it would be cute to buy them oversized. You know… all those girls wearing huge shirts and small shorts? Only we went a bit too large and it wasn't cute after all."
"On the contrary, you look very cute," Edward said.
He held his arms out to me and I walked slowly toward him. When he could reach me, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulled me close to stand between his legs, and rested his head on my chest. Listening to my heart.
"You smell so delightful," he whispered.
"In a good way or a bad way?" I asked.
"Both. Always just a little bit of both," he said, lifting his head to smile at me.
"Is my blood particularly enticing right now?" I asked, threading my fingers through his soft hair.
"When is it ever not?" he wondered aloud.
But he was still smiling, and his eyes were very serene, so I knew he wasn't struggling with his nature. I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck and leaned down to kiss him.
I kissed him deeply, as I was so often wont to do. The first time I had kissed him this way, had let our tongues touch and taste and explore each other, he had been very cautious. I wasn't sure if it was because of his constant hunger for my blood, or his early twentieth-century upbringing, but he had quickly gotten past it and now met me with equal fervor.
When I leaned fully into him, pressed down on his shoulders, he let me guide him backwards down to the mattress, me straddling his waist. My sleep shirt bunched up at the hem, revealing my bare thighs to his wandering fingers. He rolled us over, the move so quick and so fluid that I barely knew he had moved until it was my back pressed to the mattress with him hovering carefully over me.
My fingers played with the bottom of his simple blue T-shirt, just barely brushing at the skin of his waist as our mouths continued to move together.
"Stop, Bella," Edward said quietly and I froze immediately. It went without saying that whenever Edward warned me to stop something, I did so without questioning him.
"I'm sorry," I said, my hands still frozen on his firm, cool waist.
"I need a minute," he said, and rolled off of me, but he didn't go far. I turned my head to look at him lying on his back right next to me, and he didn't look like a hungry vampire – his eyes were maybe a bit darker than they were ten minutes ago, but I had seen them and kissed him with no issue when they were much darker.
"Did I do something wrong?" I asked hesitantly. His head cocked to the side in silent wonder. "I mean, if I did, I should know… so that I don't do anything to make it more difficult in the future."
Realization dawned in his eyes, and a sardonic smile played on his lips. "Bella, I'm not struggling not to kill you," he said.
"Then why…" I stopped and bit my lip as I understood what he meant. "Oh."
"I may be 119 years old, but I'm alsostill a seventeen year-old boy," he said with a small, unashamed shrug.
Before I could stop myself, my gaze flicked down toward his waist. Immediately, I looked away, my face heating. "I'm sorry," I said in a very small voice because he obviously knew what I was looking at.
"It's okay, Bella," he said, and there was laughter in his voice. "I get curious as well."
To illustrate his point, he shifted and I felt his hands creeping up my thighs. He stopped well below my panties, but his meaning was clear. I wasn't as embarrassed, but it did nothing to cool my cheeks.
"I don't mind," I told him. "I don't mind that you're a teenage boy; I like it because I happen to be a teenage girl."
I rolled to face him, climbed on top of him again. "I wouldn't mind satisfying some of our curiosity, either."
He looked doubtful, but he kissed me when I brought my lips back to his. When my hands made their way back to the hem of his shirt, though, he caught them lightly in his and drew back. "Bella."
"You don't… want me?" I asked, frowning. I had never dated before him, but I knew well enough that he should be just as eager as I was… more, even, given the length of time he'd been chaste. I rolled back off of him and sat cross-legged next to him. I couldn't quite meet his gaze.
"Of course I do. I've just told you that I do," Edward said. He sat up, too, and drew my chin up with gentle fingers. "Look at me. You have to remember… where I'm from."
"Chicago," I said, but I knew he meant when. "1901."
"I was raised with a certain set of morals, Bella. Rules of engagement, if you will, that were instilled in me from a young age," he said. "Not the least important of which was that sex was reserved for marriage."
"The rules have changed, Edward," I reminded him, but I could feel my heart sinking. Marriage?
"I know they have," he said with a small frown. He took my hands in his, held them in my lap. "I have so little left of my life before. Piano. Some of my mother's jewelry I salvaged from my family home." He touched the locket I wore around my neck everyday now. "I want this one more thing."
"I get it," I said after a moment with a resigned sigh. It looked like I would be holding onto my virginity for a while longer.
"Are you upset with me?" Edward asked.
"No," I told him, and I wasn't. I was maybe disappointed, but not in him, just in the circumstances.
He seemed to accept that readily enough, but he also seemed to realize that I needed to think.
"Do you want me to leave?" he offered.
"I thought you were going to be overbearing and not let me out of your sight until those other vampires pass through?" I said.
"I'll stay in the woods outside your house," he told me.
"That's stupid." I rolled my eyes. "I don't want you to leave, anyway."
So I lay down on my back and felt the mattress shift as he did the same. He pulled the soft purple blanket from Esme up around us both. We were silent for a long time, me wondering if there was any way to convince him to change his mind, and I had no idea what he was thinking.
"Bella, I love you," he said when I turned my head to look at him. I wasn't expecting him to already be watching me, but he was probably wishing he could hear my thoughts if he stared hard enough. I had never been so relieved that he couldn't. "If it's to happen, it will be with you."
I stared at him, dumbstruck. Had he really just told me he loved me so casually and implied that he would marry me? Because that's what sex was to him, a symbol of not only love, but marital love.
"But not until we're married," I said, trying not to let the thought of it terrify me so much.
"The thought frightens you," Edward said, studying me closely. "Why?"
"Marriage?" I said, and love, I didn't. I sighed when he nodded. "Because I'm seventeen; isn't it supposed to scare me?"
"You're not completely against the idea of becoming a vampire and being with me for all eternity, but the thought of marrying me first frightens you." Well, when he said it like that, it did sound foolish.
For a long, quiet moment, I considered why, and focused on his long fingers threaded though mine. I rolled onto my side and felt him shift, his fingers sliding out of mine so he could wrap me in his arms and hold me close to his body.
"I guess it's just that my parents got married really young," I mumbled against his collarbone. I felt his fingers trailing slowly up the length of my back into my now mostly dry hair. "And I saw how miserable they both were for a long time because of it."
"I was under the impression that their misery was caused by their separation," Edward said slowly. "They're both very happy now that they're back together."
I didn't say anything. What was there to say? He was right, after all. I was so young when my mom took me and left that I didn't even remember their first attempt at marriage. All I could remember was both of them being sad and lonely after. It wasn't like that anymore; they were both happy for the first time in as long as I could remember.
"Edward." I paused and let his name hang between us for a beat of silence. He just watched me expectantly. "I love you too, you know."
He smiled at me, and kissed my brow tenderly.
Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for reading, and I hope that you enjoyed!
I want to give a huge thank you to everyone who has let me know how much they're enjoying this story! You honestly don't know how much I appreciate every comment, regardless of how short or how long! You guys are truly the best.
Chapter 18. Girls' Night.
I was beginning to wonder if this had something to do with the whole vampire mate thing. Was there no separating us now that we had fallen in love and admitted to it, had committed ourselves to each other? Was loving a vampire and being loved by one different than loving a human? He was a supernatural being, after all; it didn't seem totally outside the realm of possibility that there was something supernatural binding us now.