As the Sky May Fall EirlysLavellan
The Avengers Marvel Comics
~0~
Summary: Alice was always so sure of the way her life was going to go, however, her entire perspective is changed upon being forcibly added to the Avengers. After the Invasion of New York things quickly change and she realizes that everything she thought she was, is nothing close to what she ever imagined especially when she realizes that the man she had thought was dead turns out to be forcibly working for HYDRA as their Winter Soldier. She swears she will do anything to keep him safe even if that means going against the new family she has built.
Disclaimer: I am a poor college grad and am receiving no payment whatsoever to write this fiction. If I was, in fact, getting paid for this, I would not be a poor college graduate that I can assure you. All rights are reserved to Marvel, D.C. Comics, and Walt Disney Pictures and Columbia Studios as well as the amazing screenwriters, directors and producers, and actors who created this film. I only own the subplot as well as Alice Alexander and any other unrecognizable character throughout the plot.
Story Type: OC-Insert – Slight AU/Fix-it come Endgame
Main Pairing: Eventual Bucky/OC
Other Pairings: Slight Nat/Cap, Maria/OC and OC/OC
Rating: M
Warning: Spoilers, character death, violence, suggestive themes (such as sexual assault/self-harm/depression) and vulgarity.
Author's Note: Hey there y'all and welcome back! It's been A MINUTE!
Pssssssssst! Just in case y'all are geeks like I am, I updated the story banner [ - I'm bolded so you'll notice me lmao] ;) I showed my sister a side by side comparison between the newer version and the previous version and she agreed that the girl I based Alice's appearance off of (I have an entire cast list on my main profile/page if you're curious) looks so much more badass and confident in that photo than the previous one. ALSO I think it fits Alice's personality going forward! I digress lol.
Before we jump into it a special thank you to: simmerandcry, Brie, SomebodyWhoCares, Terra, Guest and Lara for their lovely reviews!
*If you don't have an account no worries just leave me a name in your review and I'll answer you in the beginning of the chapter! For anyone who has an account I always shoot you a PM as soon as FF allows me to see the post ;)*
Also thank you to everyone else who has favorited and followed this here story of mine. I hope you all enjoy and please don't forget to RR!
Brie - Thank you for your lovely review as always~ Alice is definitely someone who doesn't always like to show her emotions and that's mostly depending on the moment, but this whole situation with Bucky definitely has her overwhelmed! She's, perhaps, at one of her lowest points and she just doesn't care to be aloof especially with Bucky. Thank you so, so much - your kind words always make me smile and I'm so insanely happy that you're enjoying this story so far especially as we head into the next arc of this story ;) Hope you enjoy this chapter as well!
Terra - Don't worry, I can promise you there will be more Bucky in the future, but we gotta do some stuff before we get there ;) But thank you so much for your review and I'm so, so happy you're enjoying everything so far!
Guest - I can see what you mean as far as her acting emotional, it's definitely something we haven't seen her be so incredibly open with thus far, but it was definitely for a reason. At this point she's so overwhelmed and exhausted that she's not really paying attention to remaining withdrawn. Also, she's believed that Bucky has been dead this entire time and suffered with that loss for 70 years...and at this point she truly believed this would be the last time she would see him because she doesn't know how much he remembers. She can only offer up what information she can and hope that his memories come back with time :) I hope this was a little more helpful! Thank you so, so much for your review and I hope you continue to enjoy this story and this chapter!
Lara - Hi and welcome to the family~! Thank you so incredibly much, lol, I always worry if Alice is a little too Mary-Sue or OOC, but it's nice to know she's so well liked! And definitely! There are definitely elements that I wanted to use with her as a mutant and while we know the X-men are not technically part of the MCU, they continuously cross paths in the Comics and I wanted to take the opportunity to blend them in here in some way! And you are most, most welcome. As far as the mental health issues I struggle with them consistently personally in real life so I wanted to at least come from a place of understanding and love when speaking about it. Sexual assault is - thankfully - something I haven't dealt with personally, however, when I was still in college as an RA (residential assistant to those who aren't familiar with the term) I unfortunately had to help one of my buildings residents through an assault and we were trained extensively in how to handle that kind of situation with the victim/survivor. It's something I added to Alice's building character because for where she was historically when it happened, it was - unfortunately - very, very commonplace. But regardless I'm so happy you're enjoying the story and I hope you continue to enjoy with this chapter too!
Onward beauties~!
As the Sky May Fall
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
16
Alice grunted as she pulled another of Sam's sweatshirts over her body. Natasha had been kind enough to run out while she had been in her recovery hibernation (as sleep wasn't truly what she experienced after she pushed her body to a literal breaking point) to get her undergarments and leggings – something the mutant didn't prefer wearing but found them serviceable for the time being as her body still hurt and jeans would be cumbersome to put on and rough on her still sensitive and healing skin. She forewent wearing a bra simply because she couldn't raise her arms or twist them far enough to clasp the garment into place; a frustrating thing for her, but her breasts were small enough that it wasn't obvious especially in the oversized sweatshirts she had been wearing courtesy of the closet of one Sam Wilson.
Glancing in the mirror she looked over her face to see that much of the bruising had finally faded, though she was left with ugly yellowing spots in places where the damage had been more significant. She was thankful to see that the cuts that had lingered were gone and she looked more tired than she did beaten; now her body was adjusting to new bones and atrophied muscles that would take time to strengthen, but knew that could be dealt with at another time.
A knocking on the doorframe had her head snapping up and she relaxed upon seeing Natasha, already dressed in a black pantsuit and white camisole, the heels on her feet making her slim frame look longer. Her hair had been straightened once more and fell about her shoulders neatly and the necklace cinched around her neck glittered. The woman's eyes were soft when they found the mutant and she offered her a small smile.
"You managed to get the shirt on, that's good."
"Still can't manage a bra though," Alice huffed before glaring at her shoulders in the mirror, "I feel useless."
Natasha stepped into the room, her heels clicking beneath her, "You're not…the muscles still need time to heal. Want some help with your hair?"
"Please."
The former-spy smiled fully this time at the exasperated sound that came from the mutant and stepped behind her and fixing the highlighted strands into a Dutch braid and finishing it in the low messy bun that Alice tended to prefer before pulling her shorter strands of hair out to frame her face. Alice allowed the woman to help her, her mind in a much better place than it had been three days before and sighing softly as Natasha's nails scraped against her healed scalp. When the woman laughed, the mutant opened her eyes to see amused green staring back at her, the redhead's full lips pulled into an easy smile.
"What?"
"You're just short of making purring noises," She chirped, "are you sure your actual mutation isn't being a cat?"
"Oh, ha-ha," She snorted though a smile flickered at the corners of her lips, "between you and Stark I don't know who has better cat jokes."
"I do, obviously."
"Just because you're my friend doesn't mean you get a pass when you're not funny."
"Sure I do," She smirked, "how else would you get around right now?"
That much was true, the mutant found herself conceding and offering her a small smile as she took in Natasha's attire once again, "You have to go before the Security Council right?"
"Unfortunately," she sighed, "But I suppose that's the price you pay when you dump all of your secrets and the Government's secrets out for the world to see."
"Fury was okay with that?"
Natasha weighed the question, "He knew what my intentions were…and Steve made it clear that S.H.I.E.L.D had to end in order to give it a chance to potentially rebuild later on. I doubt Fury will simply let it go." Taking in the mutant's stiff shoulders and the way her face had fallen into practiced stoicism, "Pierce is dead. S.H.I.E.L.D compromised by HYDRA…It's a mess, but it had to be done so that we could move forward."
Her relief wasn't missed by the former spy, "It's really over isn't it?"
"Not all of it. I'm sure when Steve heals up he's going to want to start hunting down HYDRA bases."
Alice considered the statement for a moment before rolling her sore shoulders back and standing tall as she could manage as she faced the redhead, "I want to help."
"Alice…"
"No, Nat, I need this." She frowned, "I've been thinking about what my next steps were going to be. I'm not giving up on Bucky, I can't. If taking out the scattering remains of HYDRA makes the world safer for him to come back to, then I want to help…even if it's not physical...actually, if it's all the same to you and the rest of the team, I'd like to stay as far from the actual action as much as possible. Maybe I can be tech support or something..." The Russian's features suddenly seemed closed off and stiff, green eyes seemingly haunted as she considered the mutant's words. Alice studied the woman's features for a moment before realization suddenly dawned on her, "You knew him...when he was the Winter Soldier...didn't you?"
"Alice, I'd rather no-"
"You did."
Natasha remained stiff, unmoving and stoic in the face of the mutant's acute observation and borderline accusation. She had nearly forgotten how perceptive Alice could truly be and her brow furrowed as she considered how to go about explaining her relationship with the Winter Soldier without harming the other woman or triggering another downward spiral to her mental health. After a few moments of drawn out silence, the mutant's brows furrowed, her arm leaning against the dresser to keep her balance.
"Was it when you were with the KGB?"
"No," Natasha finally forced, wincing at the bite in her own words and watching as Alice's posture tensed, her features flickering with anxiety before settling back into her own version of aloof detachment. "It was while I was in the Red Room. He was my teacher." When the mutant's features didn't waver she sighed softly, her throat working around the words that seemed lodged in her throat. "I met him again five years ago. I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran, he shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me."
Alice's eyes tightened around the edges and Natasha wondered suddenly if she should have said anything at all. But she knew her friend was stubborn and regardless of what she had wanted, she knew that in a way the mutant deserved to know how she knew him if only to prepare her for what still lay ahead of them. She already knew Steve intended to hunt him down and find him, they had spoken about it on the phone the night before and she had already called in the few favors she needed to secure the file that would tell them what the Winter Soldier - James Barnes - had endured the last 70 years or so. Natasha watched as the mutant's façade seemed to crumble - the mask she so cleverly put into place fell apart like porcelain.
Taking a deep breath, Alice winced, "I know he's done awful - terrible - things and I certainly don't ask that you tell me everything that he's done or not done to you personally, Nat...but it wasn't his own mind. The James Barnes I knew and loved - still love - would never willingly hurt anyone if he could avoid it. Even in the theater of war...he never wanted that." Her breath shuddered in her lungs and passed trembling lips, "We've all done things we regret...God knows I've got plenty of red in my ledger that I think about and really wonder if I feel guilty or if I want to change. I've spent time on both sides of the debate where I am the problem and I'm trying to fix the problem, but I know I owe it to him to try my damnedest to be better...because if I can be forgiven for things I've done with conscious intent and free will...why shouldn't he have that same opportunity? That same understanding or compassion?"
Natasha stared at the mutant for a long moment, considering what she said. She had read Alice's file quite extensively two years ago when she had been tasked with bringing her in after recruiting Bruce Banner. She had assumed someone like Clint would have been sent in had the situation been different, but Natasha had learned quite a lot from the archer over the many years of their friendship - recruitment being the last of it, but still she had learned enough to ascertain whether or not someone was redeemable or not.
She couldn't fault Alice for her thoughts and concerns as they were valid and carefully thought out. It was true that she had done much worse than assassinate her perceived targets after escaping from the lab she had been held captive in. The details listed in the mutant's file could have easily been considered serial and borderline mass murder, however, Fury insisted that she could be trusted and would only resort to such measures if truly threatened. Natasha had done terrible things herself and had been spared when Clint had realized that she could be more than what she was while working for the KGB and the Red Room. Neither woman had the right to judge someone who hadn't made the choice to utilize their training or choose their assignment and as much as Natasha wanted to argue the matter, she found she couldn't.
Yes, she remembered the Winter Soldier - cold and terrible and intimidating - when he had been brought to the Red Room by Madame B to instruct her little spiders. He had been terrifying to the young Russian, but she had completed each task and learned what she could from the strange man. From a young child she had been manipulated into believing that becoming a spy was serving her country and would provide her with a purpose in life. It hadn't been until she had become a teenager and realized the implications of what becoming a Spider meant and that ultimately she would amount to nothing. She would be a tool and nothing more, her graduation ceremony had made certain of that. She didn't have a place in the world, the words echoed from deep in her subconscious in the alluring and heavily accented voice of her instructor and she withheld the fear that seemed to leak from the door in her mind that she had hidden her trauma behind so long ago now.
She would be better. She had a place in the world. She had friends to prove it.
She repeated the words in her mind for a time before the thoughts drifted away as the mutant shifted, her arm seeming to shake with the weight she was putting on it to hold her up.
"We all deserve a chance to change," she said finally. Alice offered her a weak smile before sighing through her nose, her eyes drifting away from the Russian.
"I still want to help...no matter what capacity it's in. I owe it to him to at least try."
Natasha's look was appraising before she sighed, her features softening, "I don't foresee that being a problem...at least promise me that you'll at least take the next two weeks to heal before you jump back in to physical work."
"I…can try to manage that," The mutant frowned. "You're aware how my mutation works then."
Her question wasn't one, Natasha realized as hazel eyes searched her as if trying to read her and the woman couldn't help but sigh again, "I read your file when I was sent to collect you in 2012."
The revelation didn't surprise Alice in the slightest; in fact, she would have been more surprised if the woman hadn't read her file before being sent to hunt her down. As she took in Natasha she realized that the redhead was looking at her with perhaps the most open expression she had ever seen. It was clear that Natasha didn't want to lie to her and knew that it was her way of extending trust and Alice was aware that it was a lot for the former-spy. She had noticed the dynamic change around her when she had seen her in the hospital lobby and wondered if it was from the falling of S.H.I.E.L.D or if Steve had said something to her at some point. She remembered encouraging the patriot in getting to know the spy and knew that they would make a great team if he could learn to work around Natasha's cagey personality and backhanded answers, her faux confidence and knowledge in situations where she felt overwhelmed or confused. It didn't miss the mutant's attention that the former-spy and patriot had gotten closer and she knew to file those thoughts away for a later time.
The woman standing in front of her was not the same woman from a week ago and, Alice realized, neither was she. It was a strange realization for the mutant to come to and she was once again reminded that time was binary and nothing ever seemed to last forever. Pushing these thoughts away the mutant took in the taller woman and the way she seemed expectant and Alice wondered if she was anticipating anger or surprise.
"So, you're aware that two weeks will only leave my newer muscles just atrophied. I need to at least do some work to build back up again. Time will allow my bones to refuse stronger, but if I don't at least do basics, my muscles won't regain strength."
Natasha blinked at the admission, "That wasn't in your file."
"No," She shrugged, "It's not common knowledge and I redacted that small bit of information when I hacked S.H.I.E.L.D's main server in 2008. It is the major drawback to my mutation, among other things and it takes me significant time to recuperate when I have to regrow pieces of myself; muscles, bones, organs…blood pathways take the longest, but it's not impossible, but it takes considerable amounts of energy for me to do it."
"Hence the long periods of sleep…I remember Clint had to practically hold you up after the battle of New York…and three days ago…"
Alice nodded, "The more damage I sustain the longer it takes me to recover. It also causes my weight to fluctuate…When I have to regrow parts of my body the bones don't have much density to them…much like a newborn's or an infant's structure of strength. The longer I go without sustaining damage the more dense my bones or muscles are…if I were to step on a scale right now I'd probably be about 80 pounds…if I hadn't sustained the damage to my bones like I did I'd be about 145 maybe more if I was lucky." She then shrugged, "I don't own a scale, but the differences can be noticeable if you know what to look for."
"Your steps…"
"That's one," Alice smiled, "but my gait changes. I purposely position my body differently and mimic gaits in order to move better. It depends on my weight at the time, but it's why I would hit harder in some of our training."
"I'd wondered about that," Natasha admitted and the mutant shrugged, wincing a moment later when she jarred her sore shoulders. It was then Natasha took the time to consider the woman standing, slightly hunched over, in front of her. Alice normally carried herself in a way to make herself appear taller – mostly due to her shorter stature around people taller than herself – and tended to walk as if she was a feline or even a fox despite being slightly pigeon-toed and with the explanation in her mind, Natasha realized that it was a way to balance with her heavier body. She assumed that the constant change to her density also affected her balance and so she had to change the way she walked just to adjust and the former-spy found herself frowning. How long had it taken Alice to figure out the smaller intricacies of her own mutation without help? Her question must have conveyed on her features because the mutant offered her a smile.
"I figured a lot of it out in the early 1800s. I started out by studying animals…foxes being the earlier inspiration and then large cats as time went on because their weight constantly changes. They shift their bodies in a way that helps them maintain balance and it's something I tend to struggle with."
"Which is also why you need help now," Natasha nodded as if following the mutant's explanation.
"Right…It's awkward and an inconvenience and normally I spend an annoying amount of time not really wearing or doing anything because I don't have the right amount of strength to do simple tasks."
It was the most candid about her mutation Alice had ever been and Natasha blinked. Steve had taken time to tell them about parts of her mutation while they had been searching for her, stating that – so long as she hadn't sustained significant physical damage – she wouldn't have trouble surviving. The former-spy's mind quickly recalled the video she had found of Alice fighting what could have only been the Winter Soldier at the bank she had been held at and how even before she had been forced into the fight she had appeared to be barely hanging on and then recalled how she had specifically guarded her right side. Her sharp mind recalled the injuries she had only immediately noticed in the video and the way Alice had looked in the hospital lobby and she was suddenly not surprised at how Alice had merely dropped when it seemed her body had run completely out of energy.
"My body can't heal without energy," She continued despite the thoughts now circling Natasha's mind, "Generally I've learned to pull energy from other parts of my body naturally to heal other places while under duress, but ultimately sleep is the main mode at retaining that energy…at least from what I've figured out. If I do too much to draw energy, I tend to force my body to overwork and it causes fevers that go beyond normal temperatures, but the whole not dying thing kinda prevents me from ever truly shutting down."
Natasha's trimmed brow arched, "I have to ask why you're telling me this…"
"I thought we were doing the whole trust and honesty thing," Alice remarked with a humored twitch to her lips. "I'm surprised you never asked beforehand."
"I didn't want to push." Alice's brow arched slightly at the woman's whispered confession. It was as if the other woman hadn't meant to say it at all, "I know how private you are and after everything I didn't want to make you any more uncomfortable than you already were."
Alice stared at Natasha as if for the first time. While they had a decent friendship between the two and a good relationship as a student/teacher, she had never considered how thoughtful Natasha was. Perhaps it was because they had things in common especially when it came down to their time being controlled by others, but they had found kindred spirits in each other and while Natasha had a tendency to frustrate the mutant, she knew that the woman was as genuine as she allowed herself to be. Alice considered her own point for a moment before allowing an easy smile to tug at her lips and it only widened when Natasha seemed to blink as if in surprise despite her face not changing.
"I knew I liked you best."
Natasha couldn't help the laugh that bubbled passed her lips before nodding to the mutant, "I do have another question though."
"Shoot."
"Your right side," She watched as Alice's body tensed. Of course, the former-spy had seen the scarred flesh that seemed to span the entire right side of the mutant's body starting beneath where her bra would rest and to her boney hip. The skin had been puckered and raised against the normal smoothness of her pale skin and it had surprised her when she noticed that the scarring looked fresh instead of two years old. Normally Alice's scars would go away relatively quick, but there was something odd about the scar and on the same side was the experimentation number burned into the inside of her arm. "Why does it look fresh?"
Alice chewed her bottom lip before sighing, "The blast from Loki's scepter was unlike any other injury I've ever gotten. The Tesseract's composition is to dissolve organic matter. When I took the blast for Steve I hadn't considered that the scepter would draw power from the cube. After looking into a bit more I realized that it also must have obeyed the will of its master in a way…Loki may have been trying to use us against each other, but I think he was truly trying to kill Steve and when it hit me the intent didn't change. Unless he was aiming for me to begin with, but it's hard to know for sure." She ignored the stare she received and shrugged again, "As for why it looks the way it does I can't answer. It took me a long time to even heal it to where I could move without limping everywhere and even still I feel like my body is still fighting the properties of the blast despite it being years later. It flares up every once and a while and I notice when I'm in a tough situation I try to avoid leaving that side open…"
"It's definitely noticeable."
"My right side has always had a harder time healing than my left," Alice sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed so she could begin pulling on her boots, which she just noticed were clean and free of mud and debris and reminded herself to thank the woman for helping her once again, "It's been that way since I was taken by Department K in the 60s."
Natasha could tell by the sudden shuddering in her expression not to ask the question that had been on the tip of her tongue and instead gestured to the boots that the mutant was mid-way through working her feet into, "You got that alright?"
"I'll be alright," The mutant smiled slightly, "I may need you to help me sit back up, but I can at least work through this."
When she was finished she nodded to Natasha who helped her sit back before helping her back to her feet. Alice was unbalanced as she followed the woman out of Sam's house and to the car, her hands constantly braced outwards as if ready to catch herself and it made Natasha frown, but didn't move to help her. After the two had settled in the car, Natasha pulled out of the driveway and merged into the heavier-than-usual DC traffic. During the drive the two women spoke about mundane things including the music station that was currently humming gently in between them. Alice tended to prefer older music, her favorite being the 1940s jazz and the age of rock that spanned between the 60s to the late 90s (grunge rock being a guilty pleasure) and then it petered off as she wasn't a large fan of country or pop music, though she enjoyed working out to hip hop. Natasha seemed to not care what kind of music it was so long as it had a decent enough beat, if her drumming fingers were anything to go by when an obscure Britney Spears song played on the speakers.
The plan for that day was that Natasha was going to drop Alice back off at the hospital and she was going to stay with the guys for a while before Steve was hopefully discharged and she would meet up with them later. Natasha had been mindful of Alice's triggers and had asked her specifically before agreeing to it and the mutant had told her it would be fine. The former-spy had relayed the plan to Sam and along with it a reminder to be mindful of Alice's body language throughout the day. Pulling up to the hospital Natasha turned her eyes to the mutant her brows pinched.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah," Alice nodded as she gathered herself, "but it may be easier for me to get into the room if Sam comes down to –" She blinked when the man in question came jogging out to the car and turned to look at the former-spy who was wearing an expression similar to a cat who had gotten the canary. "You're insufferable."
"You're welcome."
Alice rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she opened the door, "Thanks, Nat and good luck today."
"Thanks Alice, I'll see you guys when it's over."
"We'll keep you updated," Sam nodded to the redhead before glancing at Alice's small form seemingly dwarfed in one of his crewneck sweatshirts and looking almost smaller than usual. "You ready to head up?"
"Yeah, just let me get myself out of the car."
Sam's brow quirked, but he said nothing as he offered her his arm and allowing her the choice to use it if she wanted it. After a moment she took the arm and used Sam's weight to pull herself from the car before nodding to Natasha and closing the door behind her. The two watched as Natasha's car pulled away and disappeared back into traffic before Alice looked up at the taller man and nodding to him, "It's nice to see you Sam…thanks for letting me crash at your place."
"Trust me," Sam smiled, "you're welcome to stay as long as you like. We already reached out to your ranch-hands and told them to hold down the fort…I'm sure you'll have plenty of messages to look through."
"You guys got in touch with Ian and Dan?"
The man nodded as he helped her into the lobby, measuring his steps to her own and allowing her to lean on him whenever she needed it. "Yeah, Nat figured that you'd need to be here for a few days and didn't want you to push yourself until you were ready."
"Thank you."
Sam looked down at her and offered her a smile, "Not a problem, Chewie."
"I definitely think I should be Solo now…you're definitely the smarter one."
"Maybe," He chuckled, "I am taller than you."
"You know, it's not very fun when you actually agree with me."
The man threw his head back and laughed as he led her to an elevator and trying to fight the grin on his lips from her pouted expression. He took in the appearance of her and watching as she fidgeted slightly, her fingers twitching as if she wasn't sure what to do with them. The sleeves of his sweatshirt had been folded up slightly over her wrists and exposing the yellowed splotches along her forearms, the edge of the sweatshirt hanging down about her mid-thigh where black leggings covered her smaller legs – smaller than he remembered – and her boots tightened almost impossibly around her calves. He wasn't entirely sure how to phrase his question and when she seemed to catch his stare she explained most of her appearance to him and how it was mostly caused by her mutation as she had for Natasha that morning. When they reached the floor Steve's room was located the former Pararescuer felt more at ease and understood the unevenness to her gait much more.
Again he offered his arm and seemed to relax when she took it, offering him an awkward smile, "Thanks for all of this Sam…including letting me steal your clothes."
"They look better on you anyway, baby girl."
For the first time in days she threw her head back and laughed – the flirtatious tone not missed on her – and Steve looked up upon hearing it, relief flooding his face. Alice stepped into the room and offered her friend a smile. It was less bright than it usually was, but it showed a level of healing that the patriot was surprised to see and while it looked genuine, the tightness around her eyes gave her anxiety away. Alice was still in relative flight or fight mode and her eye searched for exits and windows, the action not missed to either man in the room as Sam led her to an unoccupied chair on the other side of Steve's bed before leaning himself against the wall.
"How're you feeling?"
If Steve was surprised by her speaking first he didn't show it, "I'm holding up. Thanks for getting me here."
Alice inclined her head, the shorter strands of her hair tickling her cheeks, "You're welcome…I wasn't just going to leave you there."
"How're you holding up?"
The mutant considered the question for a few moments before sighing softly, "I mean...not fantastic, but I'm still alive so I guess that count's for something."
A tense silence suddenly fell on them as the patriot chewed on the question he was dying to ask. That morning when Natasha had called and said that Alice wanted to come see him, Sam had immediately told Steve that he should probably keep questions about Bucky to a minimum and the patriot had reluctantly agreed, but he couldn't shake the knowledge that he had been pulled out of the river by his old friend. He contemplated a way to ask her but was surprised when Alice shifted, her hazel eyes watching his face and seeming to pluck his question out of his features alone.
"I, um, found him there…when I found you."
"Bucky?"
The audible groan from Sam was ignored when Alice nodded, "He…I think he remembered you – us – to some degree."
"He spent our entire fight calling me his mission, it's just –"
"Hard to understand," Alice interrupted with a sigh before turning her gaze away from her friend her tone coming out at a hard edge that had both men wincing. "Pierce's doing. When I woke up in that bank they were working on his arm…repairing it from the fight with you." She ignored the shifting of Sam as if the man were nervous or uncomfortable and Steve sitting up on the bed and ignored both of their gazes as she began playing with a loose seam on Sam's sweatshirt, "He knew us and when he said this he was punished and they…" She swallowed around the tightness in her throat as Bucky's screams echoed in her memory, "They wiped his memory and suddenly he wasn't Bucky anymore."
"Alice…"
"It was a machine…in the bank. The last one I saw was during my time as an experiment…not exactly the same one, but similar enough that I knew what it was. I was never subjected to it, my mutation would make it impossible for it to actually work, but I've seen it used on others before..." The obvious and Bucky went unsaid. She breathed out sharply before returning her eyes to Steve's before her gaze bounced between him and Sam as if willing them to understand, "He looked so helpless, but…it had to have been a conditioning thing because he knew what was about to happen, but let them do it anyway."
"You think that's how they controlled him?"
Alice's gaze met Sam's and she nodded, "Back in 1943 – it could've been 1944 at the time for all I knew – I had been taken hostage by HYDRA after the 107th got captured in the middle of a gunfight with the German troops at the Battle of Azzano…We were transported to a base in Austria where they were using labor camps similar to the Concentration Camps Jews were forced into, but these camps belonged to the Nazi deep science department known as HYDRA," She explained this more for the former Pararescuer's benefit, knowing that Steve already knew this. "It was there that most of the captured 107th was being held along with hundreds of men from other Allied forces and in that base was a room – a lab – that they called an isolation ward where Steve and I were told no one ever came out alive. Bucky was taken there a few days or so before we got there."
Steve took over as emotion seemed to choke the words from Alice's throat, "We freed everyone, but I wasn't leaving without him and went to go find him. He was strapped to a table mumbling when I got to him and even then he barely recognized me."
Sam looked back and forth between the two of them, "Shit guys…"
"Yeah," Alice said softly after clearing her throat. "He refused to tell anyone what happened, but after treating what wounds he did sustain and what I know now, the torture he underwent in Austria included the same device that was used on him recently. The markers around his eyes were consistent with the ones back then."
"I should've known." Steve sighed softly, "It took him a while to fully recognize me and when he finally did I don't doubt he thought he was already dead or dying...I brushed it off thinking it was because the serum changed so much about me physically, but I think it went deeper than that. If I had known...maybe we could've gotten him help sooner...sent him home so none of this would've ever happened."
Alice shook her head, her expression becoming fierce as she glared at Steve, "Don't you do that…don't you dare blame yourself for what that son of a bitch did to him. There's nothing that you or anyone could've done, Steve. He refused to talk about it and the documents that would've clued us in were destroyed when the base blew up."
"That Arnim Zola guy…right?" When they both nodded, Sam sighed softly. "Well, I'd bet there's a way to get him back…right?"
"Maybe," Alice nodded slowly, "They mentioned something about him being out of cryo too long and I'd bet it's how they managed to control his memories or him." She frowned, "It worked back in the 40s, anyway, so I bet time is a factor and now that HYDRA is scattered, I'm sure Bucky will be on the run…but maybe we can take some of the heat off of him."
Sam watched the contemplative look come over her face and he shook his head, "No. No whatever you're planning, no, Al that's insane."
"What?"
Sam almost laughed at the confused look on the patriot's face as his head swiveled between the him and the glare that Alice had leveled at him, "She's going to try and throw off the authorities by leaving digital traces…or am I wrong?" When her glare became sharp he knew he was right, "You have absolutely no way of knowing where he is. If you do all of that, what's to say you lead them straight to him?"
"I don't know," Alice sighed, her posture slouching as if suddenly exhausted, "you're right…but if I can uncover some of the HYDRA files that were part of the data dump that Natasha leaked, maybe I can at least put doubt in their minds enough that it'll allow him to slip through easier."
Sam frowned, "Isn't that the exact opposite of what we want?"
"Look, I'm just brain storming, but I'd much rather it be us that finds him before law enforcement does and especially before any remaining heads of HYDRA do."
"You still think they're out there?"
"Of course I do," Alice answered Steve as she looked at him from behind where she cradled her forehead with her hand as if her neck were to weak to hold her head, "It would be unwise for us to assume they're not…especially given what you and I know about them."
"You're not throwing yourself back into everything immediately are you?"
"No," She sighed softly, "if anything I'll be crunching data behind a computer while I build my body back up to where it was. I'm physically useless right now and it would be stupid of me to think I can run head first into another fight. We're going to have to get the other Avengers involved…they're the only ones left I'd throw my trust in with."
Steve looked disturbed by the casual way she dismissed herself and upon looking at Sam it appeared he felt the same way. Before either man could rebuke her statement she shot them both an unamused look and frowned.
"Oh please, don't pretend you boys haven't noticed that I'm no more useful than a paperweight. It will take me time and I'm not ignorant of that, but fighting right now is out of the question for me. The most I'll be able to do is help chase down leads digitally while helping take out the remainder of HYDRA."
"Is that what you want?"
"Of course it's not what I want," She snapped acerbically, "I'd much rather go back to being able to at the very least defend myself and not feel like I'm just occupying space, but we don't always get what we want. It's unfortunately not my first time going through this and I doubt it'll be my last, but if we can get him before they do I'd sleep better at night."
"Allie, I'm not giving up."
Steve watched her intently as the words passed his lips. He knew she was spiraling as her knee started bouncing indicating her anxiety. Steve knew her probably better than most and knew that the self-deprecation was not completely unusual, but her lack of confidence and her snappy responses were certainly new developments. Natasha had pointedly told him over the phone that she had recovered the footage from the bank and that Alice had quite literally been dehumanized and it made him angry, but seeing the aftereffects in person was much different than hearing someone else talk about them and in retrospect Steve wished he had fought harder to find her. He watched as she seemed relieved, yet at the same time didn't seem to believe him – her eyes shifting and hidden behind the still-bruised lids, long lashes brushing her cheeks. She was nervous, but above everything she was angry and frustrated, but whether it was at herself or someone else he couldn't say.
"I wouldn't expect you to," She said after a moment before her eyes flickered to Sam as he cleared his throat.
"I'm not trying to be a downer here, and I want to help, but where do we even start?"
Silence fell between the trio as they began to consider their next moves, during which time the doctor had come in and explained that Steve would be discharged and had gone to go get the paperwork. Alice was suddenly very jealous of the super-soldier serum. She was startled from her thoughts when Steve cleared his throat, his blue eyes searching her smaller-than-normal form as if caught in memory.
"You've been on the run before…"
Her brow quirked, "Yes…"
"What would you do if you were Buck in this situation?"
Sam's chocolate eyes bounced between the two, his hand running over his facial hair before cupping his chin as he tried to follow the conversation. He hadn't known she had ever been on the run before, but with an educated guess he concluded it must have been from her constant mention as an experiment. Alice settled back into the chair, not having strength to actually stand at the moment and stared at the ceiling above her in thought.
"It was a little different the last time I was on the run…I wasn't hiding from Department K and I certainly wasn't brainwashed – I was hiding from S.H.I.E.L.D and Fury…" She frowned, her eyes narrowing on the popcorn ceiling as she thought. "If I were in his place I'd start with what I knew…for him it's probably a safe house or…" Sam jumped at the speed her head had snapped forward and she looked to him, her eyes wide, "Do you have your phone?"
"Y-yes?"
"Gimme," The command was short and he reached into his pocket pulling out his phone and unlocking the screen before giving it to her. For a few moments she focused on the screen before her slightly hopeful look turned to dread. "Damnit…"
"What?"
"The bank where he and I were being kept…" She frowned, "it's gone."
"Gone?" Sam frowned as he looked at the woman, "What do you mean gone? A bank doesn't just disappear…" Alice turned the phone to him to see that the building lay destroyed and still burning from behind the news reporter as they covered what they believed to be caused by the damage over the Potomac, but they knew differently. "Oh…I stand corrected."
"You think it was Bucky."
Alice frowned and nodded, her gaze piercing, "It was where they wiped his mind and held him when he wasn't on the field. Rumlow did more than have soldiers beat the shit out of me, Steve, and it's not my first rodeo being caught and in turn gathering information when they don't want me to. Bad guys monologuing is starting to become an overdone cliché."
"That time during the Revolution?"
"No," She smiled ruefully, "Austria."
Steve shook his head, "You never did say how HYDRA managed to capture you…only that everyone at the field hospital had been killed."
"Maybe now isn't the best time," She offered, her look becoming haunted and the patriot frowned at the sight. "I hadn't meant to be the only survivor, let's leave it at that."
"So," Sam interjected in an effort to steer the two back on course, ignoring as a nurse appeared with Steve's discharge papers, "where would he go if not back to his handlers?"
Alice cupped her chin in thought, "I don't know."
"We'll think on the road," Steve stated as he stood from the bed, dropping his phone on the bed where it had just alerted him to a text and taking the clothes Sam had apparently had for him into the bathroom. Once alone, Sam turned his attention to the mutant and frowned softly.
"You alright over there, Pidge?"
"Pidge?"
"Yeah," He smirked, "Now that you're flyweight at most…and because you've been walking pigeon-toed."
"I am pigeon-toed," Alice said with an amused smile twitching at her lips, "been that way since I could walk…my parents thought it was some birth defect."
"Oh?"
"Turns out my mutation enjoys making my life more difficult whenever necessary," She shrugged, "By the way, keep with the movie references…those are much better."
"Well, Pidge is a character from a TV show so I guess that it's still fair game." When her eyebrow arched incredulously he couldn't help but frown, "Do you not know what TV show that's from?"
"Not that I'm aware of?"
"Voltron, 1984?" At her blank look his jaw dropped, "Alright, remind me when we have time to make you watch it."
"Consider my schedule open?"
"Good," Sam smirked, "You're not getting out of this one that easily."
Alice merely rolled her eyes before holding her hand out in a clear sign that she needed help and the former Pararescuer nodded, helping her stand and giving her time to regain her balance before turning as Steve reappeared. He looked between the two of them as if just seeing how much smaller the woman looked to him for the first time. Alice was swimming in the sweatshirt she had borrowed from Sam and he couldn't help but think of how slim and how tiny he had been before for serum and his concern for her only mounted. She looked sickly and he felt a pang of hurt center in his chest. Though she had explained her mutation to him in detail, to see it actually affecting her was something he hadn't prepared himself for and guilt settled like a lead ball in his stomach.
"You two ready to go?"
"Sure, get me a walker and I'll be able to keep up," She joked earning a laugh from Sam and a forced smile from the patriot. "Seriously, I'll be fine…Sam why don't you bring your car around. Steve and I'll catch up."
"Sure thing, Pidge."
"Still don't get that reference!"
Steve watched as the man left and he offered his arm to the smaller woman. Alice took it gratefully and allowed him to lead her throughout the wing and to the elevator. "You two seem…close?"
She quirked a brow at the taller man, "I'm sorry?" She studied his face for a moment before she stopped her mouth dropping open, ignoring when Steve hit the call button for the elevator. "Did you think…seriously?"
"What!?"
"Oh, come on Steve, you have to be kidding!?"
"Am I wrong?" He frowned, anger she hadn't anticipated twisting his features. Alice clenched her jaw, her eyes tightening around the corners and their color darkening to cinnamon.
"In another life? Maybe, but I'm doomed to the one I live and I'm not dragging anyone through this…never again." She turned her eyes to Steve and cut him with a glare so fierce he nearly flinched, "And with everything going on and Bucky back from the grave – how dare you even insinuate anything going on between me and Sam!? Do you think so little of me?" She didn't let him try and rebuke her statement as the elevator came and she stepped in slamming her hand on the lobby button before hitting the close door before Steve could step into the contraption and he didn't stop her.
Her blood boiled in her veins as she rode the elevator by herself to the ground floor, her jaw working in an effort to stem her sudden ire. She was deeply offended and while she knew that Steve probably hadn't meant to infer she and Sam were together – or at least considering it, she couldn't help but be vexed. Had Steve asked her that question a few days ago she probably wouldn't have even been mad, perhaps she would have laughed about it and called him an idiot, but the timing couldn't have been worse. Her nerves were beyond frayed - being in the hospital had kicked her anxiety up to a point where she had felt the beginnings of another attack coming on, but had forced herself to focus on the loose seam on the sweatshirt she had been wearing as a distraction. Hospitals in general reminded of her time as an experiment and in what she dared only refer to as The Box and she was suddenly realizing what an awful idea it had been to visit the patriot before he had been discharged.
"Fuck."
She snarled at herself as her mind began to mess with her - recalling every bad thing that had happened within the last few days and desperately wondering why she had bothered to get involved. A second later her mind helpfully supplied that had she found out Bucky had been alive and Steve had failed to tell her she would have been more furious then just going through the last few days. Natasha had been a wonderful help in grounding Alice whenever she could especially that morning considering the mutant had slept through three solid days as her body and mutation desperately attempted to fix all of the damage done to her, but Alice hadn't been entirely truthful with her either. Yes, sleeping or hibernation was essential to her body fusing together and healing, but three days after the amount of damage she had sustained was laughable.
The truth was simply that Alice couldn't spend another hour in Sam's small guest room without associating it with a cell as her mind consistently battled between distinguishing the comfortable room with her cell within Department K. She had to consistently remind herself that Natasha was not one of the scientists assigned to dose her with another unnamed drug, but her friend and she had even had to remind herself that Sam was not a guard meant to keep her in line when he had merely stood at the door to give her the only available seat in the room.
She pulled at the collar of the sweatshirt and swore again as she felt a cold sweat break out on her forehead as the walls seemed to cave in around her and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as she tried to slow and steady her breathing. When she had first escaped the lab she couldn't stay indoors without feeling like the walls were caving in around her no matter how open the space had been. Pierce had been calculating in placing her in a small cubicle-like cell and was undoubtedly meant to trigger her memory of what her imprisonment had been like and she hated that it had worked.
Forcing her eyes open she was able to take in her warped image in the steel of the elevator and it did nothing to make her feel better and she growled to herself before glaring at her feet. Steve's words suddenly flooded to the forefront of her mind and she latched onto that anger in an effort to chase away her fear. The flirting between her and Sam had been harmless – the former Pararescuer knew her relationship with Bucky and had asked her about it on their drive to Fort Meade and while she kept it brief and expressed not wanting to talk about it he had understood and kept the joking light hearted. He had even admitted to preferring Latinas, offering her an awkward smile and asking her not to take offense to which she had laughed and said that Romanians were more her speed anyway. She hadn't realized her statement had even been funny until he had laughed so hard he nearly slammed his head into the dashboard before the two had begun talking about movies instead – the two staying away from sensitive topics like Bucky and his old friend and comrade Riley.
Alice had a deep respect for Sam in the short time he knew him and found him to be insanely genuine which had surprised her. He actually reminded her of her younger sister, Catherine: courageous, witty and undeniably loyal and outspoken. She considered herself to be jaded with humanity, but accepted that perhaps they had a few diamonds in the rough and considered herself lucky to have found many of them.
She scoffed again at her thoughts as the elevator hit the ground floor and she stepped out into the lobby, ignoring the looks she received as her gait betrayed her anger and made her look like a newborn horse or deer as she staggered and limped. If it hadn't been for her clothes she probably would have been dragged back by hospital staff thinking she was a patient.
Upon reaching the door she ignored Steve's calls for her to wait, stepping out into the open air and stalking as quickly as she could manage to Sam's car. Meeting her eyes the former Pararescuer frowned, opening his mouth to ask and immediately shutting it when she leveled him with a glare so cold it nearly made him flinch. She marched towards the backseat, opening the door and slamming it behind her.
Sam met Steve's eyes, his brow quirked in question and the patriot had enough decency to look abashed before slowly climbing into the passenger seat. Hurt settled in Alice's chest sharply once more and she practically vibrated with her ire before meeting Sam's eyes in the rearview mirror. The man frowned in confusion before breathing out and hitting the button for his radio and pulling away from the curb.
The car ride to the cemetery was completed in silence and the Falcon spent most of it with his eyes darting between driving and between Steve and Alice. Something had to have happened after he left the room and he couldn't help but wonder what. It was rare to see them disagree on anything and hadn't since he had met them, but he knew something had transpired between them and he would wait until the dust settled more before he broached the subject with either of them. The three soon made it to the cemetery and standing there was a hooded figure that could only be Nick Fury.
Alice stepped out of the car first and slowly made her way up the hill as steadily as she could, her stubbornness winning out as she forced herself to maintain her gait – as unstable as it was. Fury only offered her a quirked brow from behind his sunglasses and he must have quickly concluded as to her appearance before glancing briefly to Steve and Sam who had stepped up next to them. The former S.H.I.E.L.D director sighed after a moment, taking in the gravestone that Maria Hill had taken care of after his public death.
"So, you've experienced this sort of thing before."
Steve glanced at him and offered him a half-hearted smile, "You get used to it."
Alice ignored the two as she looked down at the white marbled gravestone that held the man's name and epitaph which read "The path of the righteous man: Ezekiel 25:17". She sighed softly, her thoughts turning introspective and she wondered if perhaps she should have done the same at some point. She knew that her parents had erected a stone at Trinity Church in New York, but she had never spent time there for fear of being confronted with her own reality.
"We've been data-mining HYDRA's files," Fury was saying and bringing Alice's attention back to the man, "Looks like a lot of rats didn't go down with the ship. I'm headed to Europe tonight, wanted to ask if you'd come."
"There's something I gotta do first," Steve declined with a frown. Fury nodded before turning his gaze to Sam and then to Alice.
"How about you, Wilson? Could use a man with your abilities…or you Alexander?"
"I'm more of a soldier than a spy," Sam offered weakly and Alice shook her head.
"I've got to get back into a place where I'm not a liability, but if anything changes you'll be the first to know."
Fury offered her a knowing smile before extending his hand to Steve and Sam, shaking their hands before extending the hand to Alice with a significant look and smirking when she accepted it with a ghost of a smile of her own, "Alright then. Anybody asks for me, tell them they can find me right here."
"Fury," Alice called as he went to walk away and she nodded off to the side, silently asking to speak to him in private and ignoring the looks she received from the patriot and falcon. If Fury was surprised he didn't show it and stepped further away from the group with Alice tracing his steps awkwardly. "I wanted to apologize to you."
"What for?"
"For thinking the worst of you for so long," She answered and ignoring as his eyebrows shot up on his forehead, "Pierce told me that he had made you hunt me down…that you had gotten that assignment from him. After that I knew I couldn't hold you responsible and I wanted to thank you for being the one to put a bullet in his chest." She looked away from him, nodding briefly to Natasha who had been walking up to the two men of their team before returning her eyes to Fury's shaded ones. "I know it couldn't have been easy for you either, considering you had believed him to be a friend."
"Alexander, if it's one thing I've learned in this business it's to wait until someone shows you their hand. If they're to be trusted, then they'll do so without ulterior motive." He watched her carefully, "You also had a lot to teach me about letting a little trust go a long way."
She snorted softly before offering him a small smile, "I suppose there's a lot we can still learn from each other."
"Well, like I said – I'm off to Europe tonight. As soon as you need me, you let me know."
"Same here, Fury," She said with an earnest expression, "I want to hunt these bastards down…they've made their intentions clear for what they want with me and if I can make it easier for Bucky to come back to a world that isn't painting targets on people, I'd feel better about it."
Fury frowned, "You know what you're looking to do is near impossible."
"Yeah," She nodded in agreement, "but if there's even a small chance at success I want to take it."
The former director offered her a rare smile, "You know, Alexander. Once upon a time I would have recruited you for S.H.I.E.L.D without any type of motive other than you'd have made an exceptional agent."
She looked down and blushed, a small smile flickering at the edges of her mouth, "Funny how life works against what we want, huh?"
"Yeah…but my offer stands. Should you need anything you let me know."
"Keep your ears out, Fury." She advised with a small frown, "If you hear anything about him please don't hesitate to let me know."
"I will…and keep your head down if you can, Alexander." At the seriousness of Fury's tone the mutant met his eyes, "HYDRA isn't just looking for your man, but they're looking for you…they're gonna be desperate and I'd hate for something else to happen to you that could have been preventable."
She smiled weakly, "I'll do my best."
"I have your number; I'll contact you from burners."
"Sounds good, Fury. Be careful."
"I'm always careful."
Alice watched as he turned away with a small wave before ducking into his car and disappearing. She had half a mind to track him, but knew that Nick Fury was the most talented spy she had ever met and knew that he would be fine. Shaking her thoughts she began her walk back up the hill to where the remainder of her group was and she frowned softly at noticing the file underneath Natasha's arm was being passed to Steve.
"That thing you asked for, I called in a few favors from Kiev." She was saying and glancing at Alice briefly as she stepped next to the taller woman, "Will you do me a favor? Call that nurse."
"She's not a nurse."
"And you're not a S.H.I.E.L.D agent," She chirped pleasantly with what Alice noticed immediately was a forced smile and earning a strained one from Steve.
"What was her name again?"
"Sharon. She's nice." She stepped forward and placed a kiss on his cheek before turning from them briefly, "Be careful, Steve. You might not want to pull on that thread." She warned him finally before stepping away and looking to Alice, "Be careful, Al…"
"You too, Nat," She offered the woman, "When you get reestablished drop a line, I could use a good workout."
"Will do."
Steve fingered the folder in his hands before frowning as he allowed the front cover to open, showing an image of Bucky in what he could only assume was the cryo-chamber in which he had been kept and paper clipped to the bottom was his military photo. He nearly jumped when Alice stepped up beside him, glancing at the file and wincing, her eyes screwing shut for a moment before her eyes seemed to skim the Cyrillic alphabet that made up the document.
"You're going after him."
"You don't have to come with us, Sam."
"I know," Sam offered a reassuring smile, his dark eyes bouncing from the patriot to the mutant in earnest, "When do we start?"
End Note: So we bring The Winter Soldier timeline to and end! It's been a bumpy frikken ride to this point y'all but we still got a long way to go for these guys! Alice is a sensitive bean in this chapter and of course her emotions are a wee bit frayed so it's truly no surprise she's not taking anything well.
Next chapter: we have Alice recovering, an archer's council and a peek at the file that belongs to one James Buchanan Barnes~
Also if you haven't, which I dunno why you wouldn't, check out simmerandcry's lovely Steve/Bucky/OC pairing Show Me, Don't Tell Me! It's centered in the MCU post-Snap/Thanos and if you haven't read it yet, you're truly missing out! It's such an incredible work and you'll definitely enjoy the development of her OC, Avery, and our favorite ex-HYDRA asset and Star Spangled Troll ;). In all seriousness go check it out!
Thanks for reading dears and I hope to see you all next chapter!
Much Love,
Eirlys xoxo