The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition

Claire glanced up from where she was sitting on the armrest of the couch in Sheldon's apartment, munching on some fried rice, as Penny stepped into the room from the back hall.

"Ok, it's done," Penny called, "Look, guys, for the future, I don't mind killing the big spiders, but you have to at least try with the little ones."

Claire laughed, "Should warn you now, Pen, I ain't touching any insect with a ten foot pole. I'm more likely to turn your hairspray into a flame thrower to defend against it…unless it's a ladybug or a butterfly."

"Great," Penny mock-huffed, it made a little more sense to her for Claire, a girl, to get freaked out by a bug than the guys. Weren't they scientists? Didn't they, like, dissect things all the time? Wasn't there some science thing all about bugs?

"Penny, please," Sheldon cut in, seeming more tense than usual, "We're facing a far more serious problem than stray arachnids."

"Sheldon, it's not that bad," Leonard groaned.

"Not bad?" Sheldon scoffed, "It's horrible. I mean, you hear stories about this sort of thing, but you never think it'll happen to you."

Penny shot Claire a look as she moved to join them around the coffee table where the takeout they'd ordered was waiting, silently asking her what crisis Sheldon was having now. She trusted Claire to answer her instead of Howard or Raj, one would turn it into some sort of innuendo and the other would just squeak, Leonard seemed irritated enough without having to explain it all to her.

"They steamed his dumplings," Claire told her, "Shelly prefers fried dumplings."

"See," Sheldon pointed to Claire with his fork even as he spoke to Leonard, "Claire wouldn't have gotten that wrong, Leonard."

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Then have Claire order it next time. New topic, please," he begged of the group.

"Alright," Howard leapt at the chance, "Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today."

"Not with a thousand condoms, Howard," Penny deadpanned, scooping some noodles from her own carton. Leonard had offered to pay for her meal this time as compensation for killing the spider for them.

"So, there IS a number," he grinned at the thought.

Penny glared at him, "Ok, why me?" she asked him, "Why are you always hitting on me? I'm not the only girl here!" she shot Claire an apologetic look for the implication that she wanted Claire to be the object of Howard's attention, which wasn't something she'd wish on her worst enemy, "Sorry, Claire."

Howard wasn't put off though, just shrugged, "She's Sheldon's best friend. I don't do that level of crazy," he blinked, "No offense, Claire," he added.

"None taken," Claire answered after swallowing her rice. Anything that would keep Howard from hitting on HER the way he did Penny would need to be pried out of her cold dead fingers. Let him think she was crazy for being Sheldon's best friend all he wanted.

"I vote new topic," Sheldon put his hand up slightly, not comfortable with how Howard had insulted his best friend though he couldn't say anything now that Claire had given it a pass.

"Ok," Penny nodded, taking a breath, "Did you hear the people upstairs in 5A are moving out?"

"Shh-shh-shh!" Leonard hissed at her frantically, shaking his head and pressing his finger to his lips, but it was too late.

Sheldon had heard.

"What?" Sheldon turned to her, alarmed.

"The people upstairs are moving out?" Penny repeated, throwing the guys a questioning look as to why she shouldn't use that as the new topic.

"Oh, Pen, you've gone and done it now," Claire winced.

"The horror!" Sheldon exclaimed.

"Why would you just say something like that?" Leonard groaned.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no…"

"How else was I supposed to say it?" Penny frowned.

"Slowly," Claire offered, "As slowly as possible, little at a time too."

Leonard nodded and pointed at Claire, "Like putting a new fish in a tank! You don't just drop it in, you let the bag sit in the water a while."

"The horror!" Sheldon continued to lament.

"Sheldon, I'm sure it's going to be fine," Penny tried to reassure him.

"No, it's not going to be fine!" he argued, "Change is never fine. They say it is, but it's not."

And it really wasn't.

He'd had plenty of experience with things changing and it never went well, not at first at least and even if it eventually DID end up fine, it took far too long to get to and it didn't always happen for every change! His meemaw had changed the amount of salt in her cookie recipe once, threw off his entire palette. His sister changed her bathroom routine, he'd experienced horrendous bowel movements for MONTHS on end. His parents changed from a trailer to a house and he'd had to move away from Claire, and even with the move only being two blocks away it had been easily one of the top ten worst experiences of his life. For that matter, Claire once changed her hair color at Missy's prompting, he'd told her how it wasn't her hair anymore and she'd cried and not spoken to him for a month.

Ok, well that last one wasn't completely true. He'd told her exactly what he thought of her hair and, now that he looked back on the exact words he said, it hadn't been…kind. There may have been some very harsh depictions and comparisons for a teenager to hear. Saying she wasn't his best friend any longer because of her new hair color probably hadn't been the right way to go. He hadn't meant permanently, that their friendship was over, but just…his Claire, his best friend, had red hair and that woman with her face wasn't Claire without the red hair, wasn't his best friend. But he'd tried to make up for it though, he'd sent her an interesting fact about the exact shade of red her hair was every day till she talked to him again. And she'd never changed her hair color after that so it worked out, but it took forever and the overall experience of that change was largely negative.

"Ok, honey, did you even know the people that are moving out?" Penny asked, pulling him out of his spiraling thoughts, at least for the moment.

"I never met them," he replied stiffly, "That's what made them perfect, there were no awkward hellos in the halls, there was no clickety-clacking of high heel shoes on hardwood floors, they may as well have been a family of cats just jumping around from drape to drape without that annoying ammonia urine smell."

"Oh, Shelly don't bring up cats," Claire groaned.

"Sorry."

"Wait, what do cats have to do with anything?" Penny asked.

"I love cats," Claire told her, "I always wanted to get one, but my brother was allergic and we couldn't afford one anyway. And then nowhere else I lived allowed pets and it seemed silly to base apartment searching on where pets were allowed when I didn't even HAVE one yet."

"Well, that's not entirely true," Sheldon pointed out, "I got you a cat once."

"Mr. Zazzles was adorable," Claire agreed, nodding, "As far as robotic kittens went."

He'd made it just for her, a little robotic cat. It meowed, purred, and slept…and that was about it. He tried to play it off like it was a hairless cat, with a battery, but it hadn't been the same as a real pet. That said though, it was probably for the best. She wasn't exactly responsible enough for a pet. Cats always seemed to thrive on routine and familiarity, and she had a tendency to things up far too much. Even the food she'd just gotten to eat, Leonard had texted her that morning a reminder for their food order that night so she would have more time to choose what to get. While she WAS trying to work her way through various menus to narrow down what she liked and didn't like, it didn't mean she was going in order. There was a chain of texts to Leonard on her phone of her order...then the four times she changed her mind, before settling on her second choice.

Lord, if she had a cat it would have horrible indigestion, she'd probably go back and forth over what brands and types of food to feed it.

"And he could be turned off whenever you needed silence," Sheldon pointed out, "You can't turn off humans, believe me I've tried."

Penny rolled her eyes, "Well, I'm sure the new people will be just as quiet."

"You can't know that. How can you possibly know that?"

"You're right, I can't," Penny sighed, "You know what? Anyone could rent that apartment now, an opera singer, the cast of Stomp, yeah, a tap-dancing pirate with a wooden leg."

Leonard groaned, "Why are you making it worse?"

Penny sat back and scooped up another forkful of noodles, "I tried making it better, he wouldn't go for it."

"It'll be ok, Shelly," Claire told him, "Anyone that moves up there, if they're too noisy, it just means you'll have the perfect opportunity to try out those noise-cancelling headphones I got you."

Sheldon considered it, "That IS true…"

"You're right," Howard spoke as Raj whispered something to him, drawing the attention over to them, "That's a great idea!"

"What?" Leonard asked.

"I'll take the apartment upstairs. I can finally get away from my mother, and we can all spend some more time together," he sent Penny a lecherous grin, "If you catch my drift."

"The horror!" Penny mimicked Sheldon.

Claire laughed, "Now you're getting' it."

~8~

"Well, I mean, they can't be any worse than having Howard living above us," Claire remarked as she and Penny headed for the door of their apartment a few days later. She'd come up from getting the mail a couple hours ago and seen movers starting to bring some boxes in, apparently when Howard's offer on the apartment fell through another person had swooped in to nab it up. They had been trying to peek out the window for the last hour or so to see who it might be but they couldn't be sure. Penny had then offered to 'go for a jog' and see if she might have better luck getting a peek.

"That is true," Penny murmured, opening the door to step into the hall. Claire was due to help Sheldon with some sort of project and, according to her, the guys should be arriving soon from their time at work.

And, low and behold, just as she turned to lock the door behind them, they could hear the sounds of Leonard talking to someone as he came up the stairs.

"…ank you so much for giving me the opportunity to help," he was saying and, soon enough, he appeared at the landing, a box in his arms, and another woman, young, blonde, beautiful, beside him.

Sheldon, disinterested as ever, followed behind, sifting through the mail.

"Oh, hey, guys," Penny greeted, thrown by the sight of the woman beside Leonard. The blonde woman he was grinning at. The pretty, blonde woman he was staring at…

"Hey, Penny, Claire," Leonard greeted, "This is Alicia, our new neighbor!"

Claire bit her lip even as she gave the woman a wave. She was getting the feeling, to Penny at least, this neighbor might just be worse than Howard.

"Hi," was Penny's own terse greeting.

"Hi," Alicia smiled in return.

Leonard bobbed the box in his arms up and down a bit, "I'm helping."

"Oh, we can see that, sugar," Claire told him, amused, looking back and forth between Penny and Leonard.

Lord knew Penny had been teasing her and poking her about her feelings for Sheldon…revenge was sweet.

"Alicia's non-musical, childless, and pro-rug," Sheldon added.

"Light of foot?" Claire asked him, knowing his standard questions for those on floors above him. He tended to interview neighbors before he accepted an apartment anywhere.

"She's still on probation for that," Sheldon told her, "To be determined."

"Of course," Claire nodded, mock-serious, "Light of foot to one is stomping to another."

"Exactly!"

"Um…cool t-shirt," Alicia offered, eyeing Penny's grunge look up and down.

Penny glanced down at herself, gritting her teeth before forcing a smile, "Oh, yeah, I don't usually dress like this. I'm going jogging."

That bitch!

Oh she thought she was so clever, remarking on her worn-out shirt. She could spot a skank a mile away and Alicia had a big neon sign over her head. She knew what the woman was doing, she'd seen it happen before. New girl tried to point out something less than hot about someone to make herself seem better.

No, actually, new girl always targeted the hottest girl to comment on, because THEY wanted to be the hottest around.

Not that Claire wasn't hot in her own way, but…well the girl's fashion sense hadn't improved any since she'd moved in. If it hadn't been for her organizing the woman's closet…and then reorganizing it when Claire left for work the times the girl rearranged her room, she was sure Claire would have mismatched even worse than she did now. But given that and the glasses perched on the girl's head, Alicia clearly didn't see Claire as being as much of a threat as HER.

"You don't jog," Sheldon pointed out.

"She was giving it a try," Claire defended, adding credence to Penny's lie by vouching for it, since it was 'technically' true, Penny WAS going to try it...if only to try and spy the new neighbor, "Gotta stay healthy."

"Well, I think you look cute," Alicia smiled, "I'm dressed like a slob today, too."

Penny's eyes narrowed at that tactic, it did exactly what Alicia wanted it to do…got Leonard to look at her outfit, her body. Because she was dressed cute, and it would also be fishing for a compliment at the same time.

Leonard did not fail, "I think you look fantastic."

"This one's a player, huh?" Alicia teased.

"Oh, yeah, be careful," Penny ground out, another tactic, make Leonard think that she thought he was with it enough to have more ladies vying for him than he did.

"Thanks for the warning," Alicia giggled.

"We shouldn't keep you," Claire spoke up, seeing Penny getting upset now. As much as Penny could tease her for hours on end, she didn't like seeing the woman upset. Because while Penny might go on and on about her apparent feelings for Sheldon, Sheldon wasn't in any risk of falling for another woman's beauty, he was too intellectual to be attracted to that first. Leonard, he very much was, "You must have a lot to unpack."

"Right, yeah," Alicia nodded, "I'll see you around."

"See ya." Penny called, waiting till Alicia and Leonard had disappeared up the stairs and out of hearing range before muttering an impression of Alicia under her breath, "'I'm dressed like a slob today, too.'"

"Oh, mimicry," Sheldon mused, moving to his apartment, "I enjoy mimicry. I've been working on Admiral Ackbar from Return of the Jedi. 'It's a trap!'" he tried his own hand at it, "You have to imagine me with a giant squid head. 'It's a trap.' 'It's a trap.' 'It's a trap.'"

Claire laughed, shaking her head and patting Penny on the back before she followed Sheldon into the apartment.

~8~

The next day would have Claire looking up from where she was sitting on the armchair of Sheldon's apartment, jotting down notes for future lessons while she waited for him to finish making his own equations and work on an imaginary board he was imitating writing on in the air. He liked to do that before he started really using his whiteboard. He didn't want to waste marker ink or the pristine quality of the board by marking it up with things he would just erase all of. He preferred to have most of it worked out ahead of time and then only use the whiteboard to tweak things.

"Come," he called out as a knock sounded on the door.

"Hey," Penny greeted as she stepped in.

"Hey, Pen, you ok?" Claire asked, noticing how Penny was glancing around like she was looking for someone.

"Is Leonard around?" she got right to it.

"He's upstairs at Alicia's," Claire told her with an apologetic look.

Penny sighed, her gaze drifting to Sheldon, the man working on…god knew what in his head, but with Claire right there. Well at least one of them had a guy that only wanted to spend time with them and not some leggy blonde slut…

Ok, she was being mean in that one, but who knew what Alicia got up to?!

"Alright, that's cool, no biggie," Penny tried to play it off like she wasn't affected by it, turning to pace a little, betraying her anxiety, "He said he'd help me set up my printer, but I guess I can wait. What exactly is he doing up there?"

"In what I can only perceive as a tactical move to destroy me," Sheldon began, "He is with Wolowitz and Koothrappali setting up her stereo."

"Oh, they're all up there, huh?" Penny crossed her arms, shaking her head, of course Leonard would tell the others about the 'hot new neighbor' and have them all swarm over to 'help,' "Hmm, typical."

Sheldon frowned at that, "It's axiomatically atypical," he countered.

'Wrong,' Claire mouthed to Penny so she could follow what he was saying.

"Up until recently, they did not know Alicia, and had no encounters with her in a previous location. They never went upstairs to visit the former tenants, so your characterization of their behavior as 'typical' is demonstrably fallacious."

'Wrong,' Claire mouthed again, rolling her eyes playfully at how he was saying the same thing with different words.

"Ok, now I see the giant squid head," Penny huffed as she stormed out of the room.

"Oh, great!" Sheldon frowned, "Now, I have to start all over again," he muttered, rubbing the air as though erasing his workings.

"Penny didn't mean it was typical like the guys usually hang out with Alicia," Claire remarked, seeing an opening to explain something while he wasn't working, "She meant it was typical for Leonard to tell the others about an attractive new neighbor and for Howard and Raj to join him in attempts to mate."

"Oh," he blinked, nodding, that did make sense, "I'll have to apologize to her for the miscommunication."

Claire smiled, "You do that."

~8~

"Didn't go so well?" Claire asked as Penny returned to Sheldon's apartment, not even a half hour later, getting up from the armchair and setting her notes on the coffee table to move to the center of the couch, patting the cushion to her right for Penny to plop down beside her.

Sheldon glanced over from where he was now on his computer, "Who is it? Oh hello, Penny, it's open, come in," he waited a moment, "Sarcasm."

Penny ignored him and turned to Claire instead, "They're all still up there."

"Oh, I know, sugar," Claire gave her a sympathetic look, reaching out to put her arm around Penny's shoulder, letting the woman lean on her as she pouted with disappointment, "We can hear them."

"Listen to that," Sheldon complained, turning back to his work, realizing this was some sort of girl-moment with feelings and things, he'd rather work on his project, "Stomp, stomp, stomp. That's Wolowitz in his stacked heels that fool no one."

"I don't even know why I care," Penny continued to speak to Claire, "I don't care."

Claire gave her a look.

"Alright," she defended, "I cared enough to memorize that stupid joke, but that's all I care."

"You know, Penny," Sheldon spoke, "There's something that occurs in beehives you might find interesting. Occasionally, a new queen will arrive while the old queen is still in power. When this happens, the old queen must either locate to a new hive or engage in a battle to the death until only one queen remains."

"I'm too upset to try and work out what he's saying," Penny pouted, snuggling closer to Claire.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he was just telling you what he learned about bees, cos he's not doing his work but watching a youtube video of them," Claire called over more to Sheldon, who made a huffing motion but clicked the video off to get back to his work, "But it applies," she added to Penny, "You can either let her take your spot with the boys and be a bad queen to them…or you strap on your big girl boots and go after her, junior rodeo style."

Penny chuckled, "I can't castrate her."

"Don't have to be literal," she reminded, "Now, come on, what joke were you talking about?"

"Some stupid science joke."

"Well, go on, you can't leave me hanging!"

Penny sighed, shifting to sit back more onto her own cushion than on Claire, "A physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, 'well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me.' The owner then says, 'well, lots of single, beautiful women come in here every day, why don't you buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you?' And the physicist says, 'yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?'"

Claire chuckled, the joke even earning a breathy laugh from Sheldon who had been listening in, always up for science jokes, which made Penny smile.

"Did the guys like it?" Claire asked.

"No," Penny huffed, her smile falling, "They were too caught up in Alicia to appreciate it. And you should have SEEN her! She was all 'I've never had such good-looking tech support' and 'you're such cuties' and blah, blah, blah. She's totally playing them and they don't even realize it. And, get this, Alicia's apparently an actress too, only she's gotten more roles in three months than I have the entire time I've been here."

Claire nodded slowly, "Well that explains why Leonard's up there. I expected this of Howard and Raj."

"What do you mean?" Penny frowned.

"A beautiful, blonde, actress?" Claire repeated, nudging Penny, "One who is very clearly showing interest in him, even if it's to manipulate him? If he can't have you, he might have a shot at her, though that shot would be faker than Alicia's tan."

Penny chuckled at the analogy, but shook her head, "That's not why he's interested. She's just…"

"A beautiful woman he thinks he has better odds of standing a chance with than he does you?"

Penny opened her mouth to counter that, but it snapped shut, "Huh, I just got the joke."

Claire laughed, shaking her head, "Oh, Pen, what are we gonna do with you?"

"Send her to her apartment," Sheldon suggested, taking the rhetorical question seriously, "I'm trying to work."

Penny rolled her eyes but fell quiet, content to enjoy time with two people who were sticking by her, even if she was sure Sheldon was only doing so because Claire was.

~8~

Claire looked over at Penny as she helped the girl distribute the Chinese food she'd bought for the guys the next night. She knew it was Penny's way to try and get their interest back, ply them with food, but it was sweet, to her, how much Penny actually cared about the guys and having them in her life. Even Howard.

"Gee, Penny, thanks for buying us dinner," Leonard smiled at her as he took the food.

"Yeah, what's the occasion?" Howard asked, Raj already scarfing away at his meal, Penny had remembered all their favorites.

Penny shook her head, "No, no occasion, just felt like getting some Chinese chow for my peeps."

"And before you say anything, Shelly," Claire spoke up as the man opened his mouth to ask his typical food specific questions, "I went with her, made sure they got everything just right," she personally handed him his meal, "Chicken with broccoli, diced, not shredded, with brown rice, not white, and we stopped at the Korean grocery to get the good hot mustard and the low-sodium soy sauce."

Sheldon beamed at that, shooting Leonard a look, "See how it's done, Leonard?" he asked, still irritated with the steamed dumpling fiasco.

Leonard rolled his eyes but didn't answer, choosing to enjoy his meal while it was hot instead of getting into an argument with Sheldon and having it drag on to the point his food grew cold.

"So, what do we got going on tonight, huh?" Penny asked, brushing her hands off and sitting down on the couch just as Claire moved to her spot on the armrest, "Playing Halo? Watching Battlestar? Drop some mentos in diet coke?"

Leonard gave her a look, "YOU want to watch Battlestar?"

She shrugged, "What can I say? I got my geek on, boys."

Claire threw her hand in the air, chewing hard and swallowing more food than she should have so she could speak without spraying food everywhere, "If we're gonna pop Penny's nerd cherry, it's gotta be with Doctor Who! Who's with me?"

"Doctor what?" Penny blinked.

"No, Who, Doctor Who," Claire told her, "It's the name of the show."

Before any of the guys could offer their thoughts,, a knock sounded on the door and Leonard got up to go answer it, revealing Alicia standing there.

"Oh, thank God you're home," Alicia breathed, beaming at Leonard, "I need help."

"What's wrong?" he frowned.

"I just got a callback to audition for CSI to play a hooker who gets killed."

"Oh, I'd watch that."

"But my car is in the shop, and I have to be at Universal in 45 minutes."

"Ok," Leonard nodded, "Well, I'll take you."

"Oh, you're a lifesaver!"

Howard immediately jumped up, "I'll run lines with you in the car."

"Great," Alicia laughed, "And afterward, I'll take you all out for Chinese."

"Oh, actually, that's ok," Penny began, "We already have…"

But Howard cut her off, already ushering Alicia and Leonard out the door, "Yum. Starving!"

"…Chinese food right here," Penny sighed as even Raj went after them, slamming the door behind them.

"I'm sorry, sugar," Claire reached out around Sheldon to put a hand on Penny's shoulder as the girl slouched back on the couch, momentarily defeated, "It was a good try though."

"I cannot believe they're letting her just use them like that!" Penny looked over at Claire and Sheldon, though she spoke more to Claire as Sheldon was focused on his food, "I mean, anything she wants, they go panting after her like trained dogs. You know that just last week, she had Howard drive all the way to her uncle's house in Orange County to pick up her TV?"

"You once had Leonard and me get your television from your ex-boyfriend," Sheldon pointed out.

"Apples and oranges here, Sheldon!" Penny argued.

Claire nodded, "From what I remember you told me, Shelly, I don't think she ever flirted with Leonard with the intention of tricking him into doing that for her, she genuinely just asked for a favor. Alicia IS laying it on pretty thick, from what Penny says, she's doing it to intentionally manipulate them."

Penny nodded, pointing at Claire, "I'm telling you, that girl is a user, ice-skating through the life on her looks, taking advantage of innocent weak-willed men, getting auditions for stupid network shows. It creams my corn."

"May I interject something here?" Sheldon spoke up.

"Please," Penny huffed.

"You got the right mustard."

Penny blinked, "What does that have to do with anything, Sheldon?"

He shrugged, "I thought it might make you feel better to know you won something today. You did better than Leonard. He needs Howard and Raj to help him, you only needed Claire."

Penny could only shake her head and flop back against the couch.

~8~

Claire struggled a little to keep the books in her arms actually in her arms as she made her way to the guys' apartment. Sheldon had texted her to ask that she go straight there after her class ended and she'd agreed. It wouldn't have been an issue if her bag hadn't had a mishap that required her to carry her laptop, books, and all the other odds and ends from her bag in her arms. Sheldon was very big on protection and being safe and always gave her a fresh can of Mace at the beginning of each year to keep in her bag. Well, this time it somehow exploded IN her bag and leaked a brown, peppery trail down the halls of the school before she noticed it. She'd had to duck into the restroom, dab paper towels on the things that got soaked, thankfully NOT her books or laptop, and throw out her bag.

Who knew she had THAT much stuff in that average sized bag?

...it wasn't secretly a TARDIS was it?

"Shelly?" she called out as she pushed the door open, "You alright? Did something happen downstairs? It looks like a deer crashed through the lobby and…oh, my god!" she half dropped her books to the ground in her shock, her laptop, thankfully, tucked under her arm so she managed to catch it before it crashed with the rest, "Penny, what happened?" she rushed over, setting her laptop on the corner of Leonard's desk in her haste to check on the girl.

Penny was sitting in the middle of the guys' couch, a bag of frozen peas pressed just under her rapidly blackening eye, part of it brushing against her split lip.

"Are you alright, sugar?" she reached out and half shoved Howard (who was 'trying' to 'check on her') off to the side to take his place.

"Penny got into a fight with Alicia," Sheldon told her matter-of-factly, setting down the first aid kit he always kept on hand onto the coffee table.

It didn't take much for her to work out what they must have been fighting about, but she could tell Penny didn't want to say it in front of the guys.

"Come on, sugar," she reached out to help Penny up, taking the first aid kit in hand, and leading her to the bathroom, "Let's get you cleaned up," she waited till they were in the bathroom with the door shut before she shook her head, "When I said junior rodeo, I wasn't being literal…"

"I know," Penny sighed, "But you should have heard her!"

"What happened, Pen?" she asked, gesturing for the girl to sit on the closed toilet, "I've seen you plenty annoyed, especially where Shelly's concerned, and you've only ever gotten physical with Howard when he basically sexually harassed you so I know she musta said something awful to you."

"She did," Penny sighed, turning her head to the side as Claire began to dab a facecloth she'd dampened lightly on her cheek, "I was just minding my own business, doing my laundry, and she came in. She was bragging about how she got a part on CSI and then asked me how much physicists made. I mean, I knew she was a gold-digging bitch and just using them, but to have her confirm it like that was just…urg. So I said not much cos, you know, maybe she'd lay off them if she didn't think they made a lot, but then she went on to how they were gonna set up her satellite dish and paint her apartment and…she was going to keep using them!"

"And then you punched her?" Claire asked.

"No, I didn't punch her at that point. I just…oh god," she groaned, "I made a Star Trek analogy."

"What?" Claire had to laugh at that, pulling the cloth away from Penny's face to see if she was serious.

"I did!" Penny insisted, "I started going on about how the guys were special and 'didn't know how to use their shields.'"

"Their shields?"

"You know like in Star Trek, when you're in battle and…"

"And you raise the shields to protect yourself, I get it."

"Yeah, and I just asked her not to take advantage of them, cos she was leading them on to get them to do things for her. And she had the nerve to say I do it too!" Penny seemed about to glare, before she winced and touched her face at how it pulled at the expression.

"Here," Claire began to dab her face again, "And you punched her then?"

"I wish," Penny muttered, "I denied it, of course, but she just kept going…and THEN I punched her."

"Oh thank god," Claire laughed, "Please tell me you got one good right hook in."

Penny chuckled, "You should see the other guy," she joked, before getting serious, "I pulled her hair too...and maybe tried to scratch her eyes out."

"Well, good," Claire remarked, "I'm glad you put her in her place…" she looked at Penny a moment, "You ain't nothing like her, Pen. Trust me. You don't give the guys false hope, you don't toy with them…much," she added, though both of them knew she meant her interest in Leonard and hesitation to make the first move, "You don't flirt with them so they'll do things for you. Right now, they'd do things for you cos you're their friend. And I think that means a hell of a lot more."

"Thanks," Penny smiled, wincing as a small cut in her lip split more.

"Coming back in," Claire warned with a little laugh, before moving to dab at her lip now.

"You're really good at this," Penny murmured.

Claire shrugged, "I've had a lot of experience."

Penny fell silent before she dropped her voice, not sure if Sheldon could hear them with his super-hearing, "Claire…um…it wasn't…it wasn't your parents, right?"

Claire frowned, a little confused what she meant, before her eyes widened, "Oh, no, no!" she shook her head, "No, nothing like that. At least not on purpose," she added, her home was always a little cramped and accidents happened but nothing done to really hurt them or abuse her or her brother, "I mean, yeah, my dad took too much liking to beers, but he was more a loud son of a bitch than anything, clumsy, knocked stuff over, got mad about stupid things. As a kid, it sounds a lot worse than it is," she shrugged again, knowing Penny was aware of the Boogie Man deal she and Sheldon had, as a kid things just always did seem scarier than when you were grown, "I meant…Shelly got bullied sometimes and it wasn't always just words. And my brother and his, they both did football, both got dinged up each game. I sorta became the defacto nurse, Missy wasn't interested and Mrs. Cooper could only handle one kid at a time."

Penny nodded, relieved to hear that, "Good."

"But thanks for your concern, sugar," Claire gave her a wink, turning to wring out the facecloth, and toss it in the small hamper off to the side, "Feel a little better?"

"Yeah, actually," Penny nodded, standing. Venting and getting her face tended to had actually made her feel a lot better.

"Good, cos now you're either gonna have to tell the guys why you fought Alicia or come up with a clever lie."

"Can't I just flash my boobs at them?" Penny asked, joking though, because she wasn't Alicia and she wouldn't do that just to distract them from the questions.

"It would only work on 75 percent of them, you'd still have to put up with Shelly getting them back on track."

"What if you flash them too?" Penny teased, "That would take care of the last 25 percent."

"Penny!" Claire blushed crimson, "That would NOT happen."

"I don't know," Penny shrugged playfully, "Sheldon seems to only notice things when it's about you..."

"Speaking of about me," Claire gave her a look, "THIS is NOT about me, no use trying to change the subject, sugar."

Penny sighed, nodding as the two of them headed back into the living room area.

Luck must have been on her side though, because as soon as they made it back, music began to blare down from the floor above them, which only served to distract Sheldon in a way her earlier suggestion wouldn't.

"You set it on DTS, didn't you?!" Sheldon accused Leonard, shooting him a frowning glare.

"I had to, she called me cutie," Leonard defended.

Howard, who was over by Leonard's computer, called over, "According to Alicia's facebook page, she's hooking up with one of the producers on CSI."

"Well, dead whore on TV, live one in real life," Penny quipped.

Sheldon let out a groan as the noise above them turned to creaking springs and thumping sounds, "Oh, great now she's jumping up and down on the bed!"

Penny winced, not really wanting to think about what Alicia was actually doing up there, and turned to the guys, having thought of a distraction that wouldn't turn her into a copy of Alicia (or drag Claire into it) but also show her appreciation for the guys and their quirks.

"So, what IS Doctor Who exactly?"

A/N: Lol, even in an episode centered around Penny being jealous, she still managed to work in teasing Claire about Sheldon lol :)

I debated how to try and spin this into a more Claire/Sheldon direction, but he was so disinterested in this episode and Penny was so jealous of Leonard being around Alicia and then protective of the guys, that I felt it would work better as more of a friendship bonding moment for Claire and Penny, to have Penny have someone who gets it and encourages her and later helps take care of her in the aftermath of her fight :) This story isn't just about expanding Claire's relationship with Sheldon, but with other characters too :) The first story was more them settling as roommates, now they've become friends :)

But we may get a bit of a Claire/Sheldon moment...or more of a Sheldon-ignoring-the-obvious moment in the next chapter ;)

Some notes on reviews...

I'll definitely do my best to take care of Amy ;)

It's sort of ironic, how Claire comes across. Because so much of her character appears in how she acts, how she takes care of Sheldon and puts him first, how she helps Penny, how she defends Leonard. Ironic in that she knows Sheldon is more of a verbal person, he needs to be told what a person thinks or is trying to do or how they're acting to understand it for the most part. Claire shows her care for him in so many ways, and he misses most of it because he doesn't pick up on those cues often. I like to think of it as her building up to one day reveal it to him, starting with making things a tiny bit more obvious, gauging his reaction, then maybe she'll say more things, gauge his reaction, then slowly work towards actually telling him lol :)

Ironically, a large portion of the plot will change when Amy comes around lol :) We'll start to see a bit of a shift in the next story in terms of how Sheldon reacts to things and why he might do things. But right now the guys are still sort of getting to know Claire. Sheldon knows her, Penny knows her more than the other guys, Leonard is coming to know her, but Howard and Raj are still a bit on the outside of that circle. It won't be till they really start to form their own odd bonds with Claire that she can start to change more of the plot ;) But I have some big twists and changes to come, it may just take a bit to build up to ;)

I'm glad the part about Penny becoming part of Sheldon's routine made sense lol :) That was just how I interpreted his reaction, he got a little too worked up about his hamburger for it not to be something significant to him, and seeing how he's dealt with change on the show, that was where my mind went :) I'm very excited to explore more of Leonard and Claire building their friendship too. I feel like part of his relationship with Penny initially failing is what's allowed him to get to know Claire, he was so focused on Penny at first (and so thrown off by Sheldon having a best friend who didn't want to kill him) that he sort of just saw her as 'Sheldon's friend' or 'Penny's roommate' and now he's starting to see her as 'Claire' :) We'll definitely start to see some bits of jealousy on Sheldon's part to come ;) Amy will be tricky, but there will be a very important conversation Sheldon will have with someone where he lets slip something quite significant about Amy that should, hopefully, make up for her involvement (or coming between Claire and Sheldon) ;) I honestly think Sheldon will never be so Sheldon as when he's having that conversation, which isn't always a good thing but we'll have to wait and see ;) And yes, the cuddling! I had to add that, there was NO way he didn't just drop and Claire would have been too exhausted to get very far lol :D

I think a large part of Sheldon's consideration comes from how long he knows people and how close they are to him, how important. In a sense, he's not that way with Leonard or Penny yet, because, to him, they are on a level of being 'his roommate' and 'my friend's roommate' with a cusp of friendship when he wants something. He could 'easily' replace them (or so he thinks) so he doesn't make as much of an effort in the considerate department, but with Claire he has that contract, she's been part of his routine and life for so long, that he really cannot imagine losing her, and perhaps that translates to being more considerate with her than with others :) The letters too, I think, because he knows which ones he has, and he knows Penny would snoop and have no regard for his privacy, she would tease him for it worse than Moon Pie if she knew...even though she does now lol ;) I don't want to spoil too much, so I'll say we'll have to wait and see if Amy discovers them };) A tiny peek into a future part of the story...the approval for Claire dating, definitely a loophole, similar to Claire taking her roommate's side of things when Sheldon and Penny got into their little war. Neither of them really considered her dating, because neither of them thought she would. They made the contract many years ago, and so dating wasn't high on their list. Sheldon left it simple because he never thought he'd have to approve of anyone, Claire was more like him and not interested in such things. (perhaps, maybe a little subconsciously, the way he thought Claire would be his roommate, he thought HE would be her date? Very, very deep in his subconscious lol). But yeah, Sheldon would be a major hurdle to get over in a quest to date Claire lol, and he can always rescind his approval and add someone to his enemy list if he needs to ;) He'd have quite a conundrum if Leonard and Claire give it a go, how do you room/live with someone who is on your enemy list? ;) I'm very happy you're excited for the story, I'm so sorry if I worried you, but I'll do my best to keep it coming strong ;)

Sorry this was so late! Because of the holiday weekend, my work week is shorter, I had to go into the office today and once I got home my brother needed everyone's help installing flooring (he just bought a house and is 'fixing it up' himself). I just got back about an hour ago and was giving this one more proofread and checking reviews for any new ones to answer ;) I hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)