As I carry Lulu into the room I hear bits and pieces of Donna's conversation with her Dad.
"Yes, I'm sure, Dad."
. . .
"Okay."
. . .
"Yes, I'll tell him."
. . .
"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too. Okay, here's Lulu."
I transfer Lulu into Donna's arms and as I'm leaving the room I hear her chipper little voice.
"Hi Gampa, hi!"
Say "Happy Father's Day" Donna prompts her as I slide the door closed behind me. As I wander to the den, I wonder if I should have stayed and talked to Jim myself? Wished him a Happy Father's Day. He's not my dad. That's for sure. And he doesn't even come close to what Jed and Leo mean to me. In fact I don't think the man even likes me. But without him I wouldn't have Donna and Lulu so it seems the least I could do would be to show gratitude by wishing him a happy day. Hopefully the round of golf at Hains Point will be enough.
I thought we were making progress. Donna's family and I. Especially since Lulu arrived. But the reception they gave me at Easter has me feeling like maybe it was all just superficial. I mean, it was tabloid journalism! Was it too much to expect the benefit of the doubt?
At least Finn and Julie remained a small beacon of hope. They called the day the article ran just to check in. He swore that my promises that the story was fake weren't necessary, insisting that he didn't believe that crap. But he also told me not to worry what anyone else thought, to remember that as long as Donna trusts me that's all that really matters. I should have recognized his words as a warning. But I didn't.
Sean and Bella claimed to understand but they were both fairly emotionally distant from me at Easter. And after we got home, Donna told me some of the down-right mean things Bella had said to her. It's a very good thing for Bella that I didn't over hear any of that. I don't care what she thinks about me, but making Donna feel like she's stupid for believing in me is completely unacceptable.
But when it comes to the blame game, Donna's mother reigns supreme. Lottie is a real piece of work. I still don't think I fully understand the complexities of Donna's relationship with her. At this point I think she may be the only one in the family I haven't convinced that I didn't cheat on Donna, but she didn't seem angry at me. It took me a few days to get a read on her but it finally came to me that she was acting smug. She fully expected something like this and she feels vindicated.
But the irony is, she is completely committed to keeping us together. Somehow, in her mind, divorce would be the worse sin. I don't even pretend to understand where she's coming from. She came right out and told Donna "these things happen when a woman doesn't keep her man satisfied." Disgusting! But how do you explain to your Mother-in-law that you are completely satisfied by her daughter? We have a great sex life. I have absolutely no interest in other women. Later I found out that her comment wasn't really about sex. It was about traditional gender roles. Donna's mom still seems to think that it's Donna's job that is to blame. I'm at a loss as to how to defend Donna against the charge that she's to blame for something that never even happened!
What took me by surprise was how much I was bothered by the look of accusation in Donna's Dad's eyes when we walked through the door. I found myself feeling guilty over something I didn't do, so eventually I begged Jim for an audience so that I could convince him of my innocence. I will say this. He heard me out. And when I was done, he said he believed me. And I believed him. And he put a stop to the snide comments from Lottie- at least while I was around. After that the rest of the weekend wasn't quite as bad. There seemed to be a little bit of a thaw from Sean and Bella. And Lulu had a great time with her cousins and her grandparents. And that really is the most important thing.
But Jim's parting words are still haunting me. "I just wish they didn't have to live in that world."
Man, I wish my Dad were around. He knew how to balance a career and family. He'd have been able to tell me what to do. And he'd have been such a great grandpa. It breaks my heart that Lulu won't ever know him. And that he's not here to see my greatest achievement. He would have loved her so much.
"JOSH!" Donna bellows. And is immediately echoed by her mini-me.
"JOSH! . . . I mean DADDY!"
I'm sure Donna corrected her. If we aren't careful she's going to be calling us exclusively by our first names by the time she's three. And I love hearing her call me Daddy too much to let that happen.
"In here!" I call out, even though if I just waited they'd be sure to find me soon. This isn't a very big apartment. We really should think about looking for a house in the suburbs.
Lulu runs into the room, a piece of blue construction paper flapping in her hands.
"DADDY! I FOUND YOU!" She shouts in glee, flinging herself towards me. The look of pure joy on her face yanks me out of my morose mood. I'm happy to scoop her up and snuggle her close.
"Careful, Daddy." Lulu admonishes me, "don't smush my picture."
"Ahkay. Can I see it?"
Lulu nods emphatically, thrusting it in my direction. "It's for you."
When I turn the paper over I find a little yellow hand-print. "That's mine!" Lulu announces holding her hand up so I can verify that it's the same size.
"I see that. It's very nice." I point to the title on the page, reading it aloud. "Five reasons I love My Daddy, by Lulu Lyman." Lulu grins and counts along holding up her fingers, which I kiss as I read to her.
"One, he gives good hugs. Two, he reads me stories. Three, he sings. Four, we play dollhouse. Five, he loves me."
"I sure do love you!" I tell Lulu as I squeeze her tightly. "Thank you so much I'm going to put that in my office at work!"
I don't put every scribble she's made up in my office, but this one is frame worthy. Nicole does a good job making sure the special occasions are covered.
I've been wondering if we should consider preschool. I'm not worried that Lulu's not learning enough, but I do wonder if she should have the opportunity to be with other kids during the day. Socialization is important. I don't want her to miss out because we are sheltering her too much.
On the other hand, the thought of her spending her days away from the White House gives me heart palpitations. Sure, she has a detail now, but is it enough? How can I let her out of the building knowing that there are people out there that think she'd be better off taken away from me? The adoption form letters have almost completely stopped, but it's the ones that don't warn you in advance that you really have to worry about.
"That's not all we got you." Donna offers holding out a small rectangle package wrapped in bright blue paper. She's grinning one of her biggest grins and my heart leaps.
This looks exactly like the right size box for a pregnancy test. I hope that's what it is. What a great surprise that would be. If she is pregnant, she can't be very far along. I haven't seen any symptoms, but I've kinda lost track of her cycle with all of the travel she's been doing.
I can't help but give the box a little shake as I take it from her but the rattle it makes doesn't give me any sort of a clue so I quickly tear the paper off then pop the lid open.
My heart drops as my eyes land on tickets to a Mets game but I try to mask the feeling with a big smile.
"New York Mets v. Washington Nationals, Friday July 2, 2010. Nationals Park. This is awesome! Thanks!"
"Helen and the kids got Matt tickets too. We're all going."
"That'll be fun. A night game? Do you think Lulu will be okay?"
"She'll be fine. We'll have a box. And my parents will be here too. They are coming for the Fourth of July. And Conor and Carly too."
"Great."
Donna's face drops at my tone and I immediately feel bad. None of this is her fault. She's trying to give me something I'll like.
"C'mere." I hold out my arm and she joins Lulu and I on the couch. "Thanks for the presents. I love them but all I really need are my best girls. I love you two so much."
"Love you too, Daddy." Lulu giggles as I hold the group hug a little bit longer than necessary.
"Okay, pumpkin, let's make Daddy's lunch before the game comes on." Donna suggests.
"Ahkay, Mama." Lulu agrees sliding off the couch. Then she looks back at me. " You stay right here, Daddy!" She instructs with a little foot stomp and a dramatic point to the couch. Where does she get it?
"Yes, ma'am." I quickly agree with a small salute, causing her to giggle again.
While they are gone I flip through the channels, pausing on a Sullivan campaign ad. It's new. I'm not surprised. Now that he's the presumptive nominee, the ads will be geared even more toward the general election. Once he picks his VP and they have their convention we'll get even more.
As soon as the ad is over, I move on, settling on ESPN. I hope we can watch the game without political interruption but it's probably too much to ask. At one point in my life I would have appreciated being able to keep up with politics while watching a game. Now, I'd just like a day where I focus completely on my family. But now that I've seen the ad, I can't really stop myself from pondering the state of the campaign.
Our fundraising is going well. And of course we've got practically unlimited funds from the DNC. Matt's a fairly popular sitting President. It shouldn't take extraordinary funds to get him re-elected. His polling numbers took a little dip just after the tabloid story, but his numbers have always been somewhat volatile depending on the state of affairs in the Middle East. Right now things are going well there. I only hope it stays that way.
Sullivan shouldn't pose a serious challenge to our base the way Vinick did. As a pro-choice moderate, Vinick made us spend money, we didn't have in places we never had to before. I'm still amazed that we won. But Sullivan is solidly and very vocally anti-abortion. His base doesn't care about anything else. They won't stay home this time.
We have to make sure that our side gets out to vote as well. The biggest campaign battle might be the battle against apathy.
"Say it Lulu," I hear Donna whisper just outside the door.
"Hot Dogs! Fresh Hot Dogs!" Lulu yells a second later, walking into the room waving foil wrapped packages.
"Peanuts! Get your Peanuts here!" Donna follows behind calling out her wares. They are both decked out in Mets gear. Donna's wearing my lucky cap, a Mets jersey, and some short-shorts that make me want to grab her and haul her into my lap.
Lulu is wearing Mets bows in her hair and a blue, orange and white tutu to go with her sparkly Mets t-shirt. Where does Donna find this stuff? It's adorable.
"Here, Daddy." Lulu thrusts a hot dog at me. The middle is pretty mangled and when I open it, the hot dog is broken in half.
"I'll take that one." Donna offers, setting her tray down on the coffee table and joining us on the couch.
"No way." I quickly inform her. My baby gave me this one. I am eating it. Donna's tray has all the condiments so I can make my dog exactly the way I like it. It also has 2 beers and a juice box. I know it's a holiday if I'm getting to start with my own beer.
And when Donna opens the other and takes a swig, I also know that she's definitely not pregnant. I'm a little less disappointed than I was earlier. Yes, I would like another child, but at least Donna's not sick. There really are a lot of risks to having another baby. Our family is perfect just like this.
I open my beer and clink the bottle against Donna's.
"To the best girls I could ever ask for. Thanks for giving me such a great day." I tap my bottle against Lulu's juice box and she giggles.
Lulu watches for the first inning, which starts with two quick outs on a pop fly and a line drive. David Wright keeps us alive with a single, then when he steals second base, I manage to slip my hand up Donna's shirt without Lulu noticing. Then Ike Davis strikes out.
Lulu loses interest pretty quickly, so Donna helps her get the dollhouse and bring it into the den while I watch the Yankees go down in three. The next two innings are uneventful until the bottom of the Third. My phone buzzes three times as Gardner, Jeter and Swisher each get a single, loading the bases. Obviously, Toby is watching.
"Aw man!" I groan when Teixeira hits the ball to deep left. "No! No! No! No!" I shout as the Yankees round the bases and cross home.
Lulu scowls at the T.V. "Daddy okay?"
"Yeah, baby, it's just a game." Donna tells her. "Don't worry, I'll make Daddy feel better later."
My head perks up at that announcement, even as my phone buzzes with more taunting from Toby. I pick it up with a groan, ready to face his harassment.
"Just remember," Donna smirks, "there's no crying in baseball."