They were squeezed into a corner booth at the back of the dingy dive bar. Punk music blared over the speakers and a small mosh pit was forming on the dance floor.
Remus and Sirius had been filling up on discounted drinks. Remus had worked there for a short time and was still friendly with the bar staff, having frequented the venue regularly during his more active night life phases. Sirius and Peter had both been there a couple times, way back, but found it quite amusing how many people kept coming up to say hi to Remus over the first hour or two there. Especially when they would walk away and he would explain that he couldn't remember who the fuck they were.
Remus had gone an entire week without a drink, but that streak was spectacularly broken in a matter of hours. He and Sirius were both going hard and fast. Peter had been nursing his drinks, despite Sirius' loud encouragements to the contrary. He was doing an uncharacteristically good job at resisting the peer pressure.
In a brief moment of clarity Remus thought it was probably good that one of them actually kept their heads about them, because he felt a very strong urge to do something thoroughly stupid before the end of the night and he was pretty certain that Sirius felt the same.
"I'm getting us another round!" Sirius announced, slamming his empty glass down just a little too hard as he pushed himself up.
In a flash he was up at the bar, shamelessly charming the young woman behind the counter with the brightly colored hair. Remus shook his head and laughed as she quickly devolved into flirty giggles and batting eyes. Sirius had never had much trouble getting free drinks.
"I don't know how you do it," Peter said. "When I was with Mary it drove me crazy when she would flirt with people, and I certainly wasn't in love with her."
Peter had dated Mary MacDonald for a while after they left school, though he later admitted it was largely a failed experiment. They stayed friends, but the feelings weren't really there.
"It's just Sirius. He's always been like that," said Remus with a chuckle.
"But don't you ever worry? Doesn't it bother you that he does it right in front of you?"
Remus gave Peter a strange look. He could be so traditional sometimes. He'd always been that way, but it still frequently caught Remus off guard. Maybe because he tended to keep his worrying to himself around James and Sirius, who were very likely to tease him for it.
"I think it would bother me more if he tried to hide it from me, not less. Its not like he'd ever do anything. I trust him. Besides, it's funny and I like free drinks," he said, nodding in Sirius' direction as he gathered up a round of pints with a cheeky wink at the bartender.
A moment later he set them down at the table, liquid sloshing over the sides.
"Hey Padfoot, would it bother you if I flirted with other people?" Remus asked with a grin.
Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "I don't know, why don't you give it a go and we'll find out? I'm sure it'll be good for a laugh," he said, nudging Peter in the ribs, prompting an eyeroll that was undercut by a poorly suppressed smile.
"No, this is purely theoretical," Remus said, but added, "I could if I wanted to, though."
Sirius and Peter both laughed at that.
"What?" Remus said indignantly. "I can flirt. Worked with you, didn't it," he said to Sirius.
"Sure, after a year of pining. Also, I'd hardly call what you did flirting. What are you going to do, go up to someone at the bar and make them a mixtape?"
"Oh, fuck off! Just because I'm not as shameless as you doesn't mean I can't do it! Besides, you're too pretty. You don't even have to say anything, people take one look at you and it's done."
"It's the hair," agreed Peter.
"All right then, that girl at the bar, go up right now and see if you can get her number," Sirius challenged.
"Maddy? Well that won't work, we know each other. She already knows I'm gay and you're my boyfriend."
"What? Then why was she hitting on me so hard?" Sirius asked.
"Maddy has very poor boundaries," Remus explained.
"Well then I guess we're fucked aren't we, you seem to know every bloody person here!"
Remus looked around, surveying the small crowd. Shit, he really did at least sort of know almost every person in the bar. Regardless of sexuality, there was no way he could openly flirt with someone he actually knew. He cringed visibly at the thought.
"This won't do at all," said Remus as Sirius took a large gulp from his drink.
"I have an idea," said Peter with a mischievous glint in his eyes that Remus hadn't seen for a good long while.
This night out had been just what they needed. They had not spoken a single word about the war, about death, about anything since they left the meeting. It felt like the nights they used to have that first year out of school. It had been such a long while since Remus had started feeling like he had to downplay his substance use around the others that he forgot how fun it was to just get pissed with them without caring. The only thing that could have made it better was if James and Lily were there.
"I'm intrigued, Wormy. Do tell," said Sirius, leaning in eagerly.
"A competition. At a club, neutral ground, whoever walks away at the end of the night with the most phone numbers wins. I'll be moderator."
Sirius banged his fist on the table loudly, causing a couple of other patrons to look around at them. He paid no mind.
"Yes! You're so on, Moony. I'm going to destroy you!"
"I can really feel the love, Pads, thanks." Sirius grimaced apologetically, which Remus just laughed at. "We need to go to a gay club though, or it won't be fair."
"What? Why?" asked Sirius, confused.
"What do you mean why? I don't like girls. You have an unfair advantage," Remus said as if Sirius was an idiot.
"Moony, you realize you don't have to actually have sex with them to get their numbers, right? In fact, I'd really prefer you didn't."
Remus puzzled over that for a moment. "I… right, fair point." He shook his head quickly in an effort to clear it. He was already sloshed. Better slow down a bit. "Okay, you're on," he said, stretching his hand out to Sirius.
Sirius grabbed his hand. They shook firmly under Peter's very officious gaze. Sirius grabbed his pint and downed it all in one go before standing up, declaring his readiness to get on with the competition.
"Hold up," said Remus. "I'm barely through my drink. Besides, I'm actually waiting for someone. They usually show up around midnight. It's only half an hour, then we're off."
Sirius sat back down and gave him a bewildered look. "What do you mean you're waiting for somebody? What the fuck are you on about?"
"So maybe there was a reason I wanted to come here, specifically. Just relax, this guy should have some stuff to really make this a good night."
Peter looked at Remus skeptically. Remus ignored him. He couldn't, however, ignore the feeling of Sirius kicking his shin. He let out a small yelp at the pain.
"Moony, you can't make us wait around just because you're a degenerate. I don't even like blow. You're being selfish!" Sirius whined.
"Shut the fuck up. I was going to get you a couple of joints but not if you're going to be annoying."
Sirius' eyes lit up. "I take it all back, you're incredibly generous and attractive."
Remus rolled his eyes before turning to Peter. "Any requests?"
"I'll pass," said Peter with a slightly furrowed brow. "You know, Lily thinks you're doing too much of that sort of thing."
Remus got very quiet for a moment, feeling a sense of guilt settling somewhere in his gut. He could feel Peter watching him closely. Sirius didn't seem to notice as he let out an exaggerated, put upon sigh.
"Lily's in hiding with an infant. She's freaking out about everything, and who can blame her. James is the same, little balls of stress and love, the both of them. It's why they're such good parents," he finished affectionately. "Also why they can be such nosy, judgemental saps. You're fine, right Moony?"
"Right," said Remus, pretending not to notice Peter's side eye.
They quickly returned to their teasing banter. After a short period of time, Remus spotted the man he was looking for, heading to his usual spot near he back of the bar. Remus excused himself from the table and approached the man, who was oddly conspicuous in that he was one of the only people in the bar (apart from himself and Peter) not dressed in some form of leather or spikes. Remus caught his eye as he approached and was met with a spark of familiarity. The man headed towards the bathroom, Remus following a little way behind.
"Remus," he said cheerfully in a cockney accent, clapping him on the back as he entered. "Welcome to my office. What are you looking for today?"
Remus made his request and was quickly obliged. Right before he handed over his money, the man chimed in.
"You want anymore H? I've got some good quality shit on me tonight."
Remus hesitated. It was a few days before he was planning to top up, but he figured he would probably be wrecked in the morning and could use the relief. It was out of his routine, but he could always get back on track next week. With everything that had happened, he figured it was special circumstances.
"Yeah, that'd be great."
Remus did a line of coke before leaving the bathroom. By the time they had walked to the next club, he was buzzing. He and Sirius also stopped briefly in a small park to share a joint before they ended up at some place out in Soho that he'd passed but never actually been into, generally favoring the more alternative venues.
He was reminded of why when they got to the front of the line and the bouncer eyed him up and down suspiciously, eyes lingering on his scars. They more upscale places tended to view him with a high degree of caution, assuming he was the type to get into fights. He thought it was funny, given his sensible black button down and neat black slacks (all rather well tailored, as Sirius had insisted on purchasing them for him), standing next to Sirius with his torn up jeans, studded jacket, and abundance of piercings who Remus thought stood out rather more starkly against the glamorous and affluent clientele around them. Not to mention Sirius' genuinely troubling penchant for actually starting fights. Yet all Sirius had to do was flash a warm smile and nobody looked at him with anything other than adoration.
He had been told by quite a few people, and was frequently assured by Sirius, that he was rather good looking. Sometimes he believed it, but often even he had a hard time seeing past his ruined skin. He supposed he could hardly expect anyone else to.
He didn't worry about it for long. When they were in the club, he felt the music pulsing through his whole body. The three of them headed straight for the bar and ordered another round. Remus and Sirius both downed theirs quickly, while Peter set himself up with a good view of the venue so he could watch over the competition.
"Remember Pads," Remus said as quietly as he could manage over the blaring music. "these are straight people, so watch yourself around the guys."
"Yeah, Moony, I know. I've gotten into enough fights to get the message," he said with a smirk.
"That's exactly my concern," Remus replied with a stern look. Sirius just smirked harder.
"So the rules are as follows," Peter said, taking an amusingly serious tone. "Person with the most numbers collected by the time one of us decides to go home is the winner." He paused. "That's it. That's the only rule I could come up with. Good luck."
They both shook hands one last time before parting ways and heading out onto the dance floor, though not before Remus made a quick detour to the bathrooms for another bump.
As he re-emerged and looked out into the crowd, he saw Sirius already chatting up a flustered looking girl whose friends were staring on, clearly entertained. He was starting to wonder what the hell he'd gotten himself into and why he'd ever thought trying to flirt was a good idea. He made his way back to Peter at the bar.
"What the hell have I just agreed to Wormy?" he asked, ordering another drink.
Peter chuckled a little and shrugged at him. Remus turned to a nice looking girl standing next to him, waiting for her drink to arrive. Right, he could do this. How hard could it be?
"Excuse me," he called out over the music, trying to get her attention. She turned and gave him an inquisitive look that quickly turned to interest as she took in his appearance. She tucked her hair behind her ear slightly, smiling. "You look very nice," he said awkwardly. "I like- you're hair is quite- um, hi, I'm Remus," he finished, holding out his hand to shake.
The girl looked down at his extended hand with what could only be described as second hand embarrassment. She quickly grabbed her drink as it was set down in front of her and then flashed him with a polite smile before walking away. Remus grabbed his own drink and turned to see Peter nearly falling off his stool from laughter. Right. Time for a new plan.
He made his way onto the dance floor, struggling to formulate a plan when a hand on his upper arm broke him out of his racing thoughts.
He saw a very pretty woman in a tight dress looking up at him. She opened her mouth to speak but he couldn't hear her over the music, so he leaned in close.
"I said, do you want to dance?" she shouted, with an Irish twang.
He smiled at her and nodded, letting her lead him out onto the dance floor. Ordinarily he struggled with this sort of thing. He often felt awkward about the way his body moved, not quite comfortable in it. Not graceful at all. When he was properly inebriated, though, he loved to dance.
The strobing lights, the throbbing bass, the feel of her hands on his body, of her soft skin.
It wasn't sexual, at least not for him, but the thing about cocaine is it made sensations that would normally overwhelm or grate on his nerves become intoxicating.
He got a little concerned as she ran her hand through his hair, guiding his head down. He pulled away. She looked a little hurt. He tried to yell an explanation over the music, but even at the top of his lungs he couldn't be heard. She was about to walk away when he put his hand on her shoulder, making her pause. He gestured with his free hand to indicate a phone. Her face lit up.
She opened up her purse and rifled through it, pulling out a pen. After rifling a little longer she gestured at him, indicating she had nothing to write on. He thought for a second, patting down his pockets. He felt something in his back pocket and remembered the piece of parchment Dumbledore had given him from Madam Pomfrey.
He pulled it out and looked at it. Between the dim, flashing light and his increasingly blurred vision, he could only make out a few words on what looked to be a fairly thorough list. Terms like 'support group' and 'rehabilitation' made their way into his racing, unfocused brain. He flipped the parchment over and tore off a square, handing it to the girl.
She beamed at him as she wrote down a series of numbers and passed it over. He beamed back. Before she left, he gestured to her pen and mouthed the words "can I keep that?" She laughed a bit and handed it over before opening her purse back up and showing him a small handful of identical pens. He laughed too. They parted ways.
He quickly discovered that it the context of a club, this was about as much work as he actually needed to put into flirting. All he had to do was stay on the dance floor and inevitably he would end up dancing with some girl. It was perfect. He would stop right when they started trying to take it further and ask for their numbers then disappear back into the crowd. His piece of parchment was getting torn up at a faster pace than he anticipated.
Eventually he grew tired, starting to come down from his latest bump. He made his way over to the bar where Peter was sat, sipping on what Remus suspected was just a plain glass of club soda. He ruffled Peter's hair as he turned to order a drink. Peter batted his hand away.
"You look like you're doing well," Peter shouted.
"This isn't so hard!" Remus shouted back.
"It helps that you don't have to actually talk to them, you'd be doomed," Peter teased.
Remus just laughed. He was probably right. It felt so good not just to have fun, but to be fun. No overthinking, no encroaching panic, no misery and pain. All those things that he felt made him as unbearable for others as for himself. As his drink was set down in front of him Peter turned to the bartender and ordered a shot of Vodka. Remus was a little surprised.
"It's for you," he clarified. "You've bloody earned it, mate."
Remus held up his current glass in a 'cheers' gesture. Peter mirrored it with his soda. He finished most of his drink in one go, quickly followed by the shot as it was set down in front of him.
"There's a guy over there," Peter said, pointing to a rather good looking thirty or forty-something guy across the other side of the dance floor, where the tables were. "He's been looking at you since we got here."
Remus watched as the guy glanced over at him, catching his eye. He gave Remus a small wave. Remus smiled at him.
"Easy win, thanks" he said to Peter.
He was alerted to the sudden presence of Sirius by a hand on his arm. He turned around to see him with a thoroughly smug expression. He stared at Remus as he took off his jacket to reveal arms with at least half a dozen numbers spread across them. He then reached into his pockets and pulled out a few scraps of paper from different sources, slapping them down on the bar. He raised an eyebrow at Remus.
Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out all of his neat, perfectly sized little squares of parchment, much to Sirius' bemusement. His eyes went wide as he noted the size of the pile, realizing they must be almost neck and neck. Peter collected up Remus' numbers in one hand and Sirius' in another, putting them in separate jacket pockets to be tallied later.
"So," Remus said, making sure he sounded as smug as Sirius had looked moments ago, "are you jealous yet?"
Sirius stepped in a little closer, looking Remus right in the eye.
"That's so fucking hot," he said. Remus only understood by reading his lips, as he was too quiet to hear over the music.
He didn't even notice he'd put his hands on Sirius' hips until Sirius pushed them off. He looked around. They were getting a few dirty looks form people nearby. Peter was watching on a little awkwardly, not enjoying the attention even though it wasn't directed at him.
"You're the one who said to be careful," Sirius reminded him, clearly not actually caring about anyone seeing them. "The night's still young, and I have numbers to get."
He ordered himself a shot and downed it quickly before heading back out. Remus looked over at the man across the room. They locked eyes again and smiled at each other. He'd be getting that number no problem. First, though, he had other business.
He made his way to the bathroom, briefly thankful as saw the long line outside the lady's room that the men's was largely empty. He made his way into a stall, taking a second to lean against the frame. His head was spinning. He was seeing double. He felt fantastic but those last couple of drinks were already starting to hit him and he was struggling to stay upright.
He had a handy fix for that. He sat on the closed toilet lid and pulled out the little baggie of white powder. He emptied some onto the back of his hand and snorted it, nearly dropping it all over the floor as he lurched forward. That would kick in and get him back on his feet. In the meantime, he laid his head back against the cool tile and closed his eyes. His face was starting to go numb.
He felt as if his skin were glowing. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there before the rush of euphoria washed over him. Moments later he felt a burst of energy and opened his eyes. Everything was still a complete blur. It took a while for him to unlock the door, as his brain didn't seem to be connected to his body. He could hear the sound of the music, dulled and distant. He was eager to get back out.
When he opened the door, he came face to face with… someone. He couldn't quite make his eyes focus. For a moment he thought it was Sirius, but then he realized it was the man from outside.
"Hi," said the man, putting a hand against the wall and leaning casually.
"Hi," said Remus. Or he may have yelled it, he couldn't tell.
"Can you spare a bump?" he asked.
Remus thought for a moment. He didn't know what he was trying to think about and quickly gave up. He shrugged.
"Why not," he said as he pushed the stall door back open, stepping inside with the man. He pulled out the coke, handing it over. He didn't bother closing the stall door behind them.
If he had been able to see clearly, he might have noticed Peter's face peeking around the entrance to the bathroom, watching the situation unfold. He disappeared quickly without intervening.
Remus leaned very heavily against the wall as his new friend did a line. He tapped his foot rapidly, feeling the familiar buzzing. The man turned to face him, suddenly very close. His face was continuing to swim in and out of vision. Remus felt a hand on his face without having seen it. He felt another one on his side.
It felt amazing.
The older man was tall. He leaned over Remus, very close. He closed his eyes and focused on the music. It was just the same as he'd been on the dance floor with the girls. Only one step left. Remus reached towards his pocket, grabbing for his parchment. He brushed against the mans thigh.
"I need to get your number," he said, and he thought he might have slurred but he wasn't sure.
"You can get whatever you want," the man said, pressing against him.
Remus didn't realize what was happening until it was already happening. He should move away, he thought. Have to stop before they try to kiss you. Only they were already kissing. And it felt amazing. And he wasn't pulling away. He was kissing back.
He felt a hand running through his hair, another stroking down his side. It tugged at his shirt, untucking it. He felt a hand directly against the skin of stomach, then making it's way down the front of his pants.
"Sirius," he moaned breathlessly as he twisted his hands in the man's shirt.
Wait. No. This wasn't Sirius. What the fuck was he doing?
He had the thought just a moment too late, however, as the man was suddenly and violently pulled off of him. He slumped back against the wall, not realizing how much the stranger had been supporting his weight.
He watched the scene unfold, that familiar panic starting to seep in even through the dense layers of intoxication as he struggled to process the rapid sequence of events.
Sirius held the man by his shirt collar, slammed back against the wall. He wasn't even glancing in Remus' direction. Peter had said Remus seemed off, which is why he came to find him. No fucking wonder he was acting weird, the cheating bastard. He'd deal with that in a second, but this smug looking prick was priority one.
"Big mistake, mate, I've been waiting for an excuse to do something stupid all night," said Sirius menacingly, having to look up to meet the taller man's eyes.
"Oh yeah, posh boy? You think you're fucking tough?" the man taunted.
Sirius smiled at him, but there was only rage in his eyes. He pulled back his free hand and slammed it right into the guys nose with a loud crack. He watched on in satisfaction as blood flowed down his face and he ran out of the bathroom.
Now that they were alone, Sirius turned to Remus. The room was spinning, and he was having trouble thinking past his drunken rage, but he could tell at glance that Remus was in an even worse state. This was particularly punctuated by Remus falling to his knees as he turned around and vomited all over the unfortunately closed toilet seat.
He slumped down to the ground, sliding into the gap between the toilet and the wall. He looked up at Sirius, eyes glassy, pupils so blown his irises were almost invisible.
"I'm an idiot," Remus sputtered out. "I'm so sorry."
So he was aware enough to know what he'd done. Great. Just great.
Sirius was so angry the edges of his vision were going dark. His heart was pounding viciously in his chest. Remus closed his eyes tight for a moment before opening them back up and focusing on Sirius.
"We should go home now." Sirius only nodded, not trusting himself to speak. "Tomorrow's going to be a bad day," Remus said in the understatement of the century.
"Yeah, Remus, it is."