Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy characters. Or any name brands/restaurants/retail places used. The non-video game characters are my own and the plot is all mine and is based on true personal experience.
Chapter 21: As One Door Closes, Another One Opens
As they got closer to their destination, Kairi's stomach filled with jittery butterflies. She was nervous. According to Sora, a large portion of Nate's family was going to be present for his final moments and she hadn't even met most of them before. That wasn't the only reason, though. As her nervousness grew more and more intense, she finally spoke up.
"S-Sora," she said shakily, "I've never watched anyone die before."
He spared her a quick empathetic glance, then reached for her hand and gently grasped it within his own. "Me neither. But I'm really glad you're coming with me." He squeezed her hand. "I love you."
Kairi squeezed back, soothed by his words of affection.
Another few minutes and they were pulling into the long gravel driveway that led to the modest home of Sora's paternal grandparents.
"This must be so difficult for them," Kairi mused, her nerves replaced with sadness and sympathy. "I can't imagine what it must be like for them. No parent should have to watch their child die."
"If I'm being honest, they're probably surprised he lasted this long," Sora muttered. "All the drugs and drinking should've killed him before now."
"Sora!" Kairi scolded him and pinched his arm. "I know this is hard for you, but please try to remember that everyone else that is going to be here is probably heartbroken."
"Yeah, yeah," Sora pulled himself out of the car, waving her off.
She knew that this tough-guy act of indifference was his way of dealing with what he was feeling, but it still bothered her. She wanted him to let her in, wanted him to tell her how he felt. She wanted him to know it was okay to be sad, even if he didn't love his father. His pride would never let him show any of that, though.
As soon as they stepped through the front door, Kairi froze, her nerves returning at full blast. The small living room was crowded with a group of people, and in the center was a hospital-style bed. Nate laid there, unconscious, though she wasn't sure if he was sleeping or comatose. He was extremely frail looking—his face was sunken in from the amount of weight he'd lost, his skin was ghostly pale, and he had deep, dark shadows under his eyes. He already looked dead, and she might have thought he was if it wasn't for the sounds of an oxygen tank working to keep him breathing. She suddenly felt queasy. This was all too real, now. She pictured how different this man had looked when she'd first met him; now he was unrecognizable.
An elderly woman approached Sora, handkerchief in hand. "I'm so glad you came," she said affectionately, pulling him into a hug.
"Anything for you, Grandma," Sora whispered into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
Sora's grandma squeezed him tighter. "He always regretted it, you know," she said softly. "He always wished he could take back the things he did and said to you and your mother."
Sora swallowed hard. "I know."
Kairi looked away, sure that if she kept listening, she would dissolve into tears. Her attention was drawn to a young girl that was sitting on the floor in the corner, dolls piled around her. She had short, raven hair and her eyes were the same shade of blue as Sora's.
Kairi slowly approached the girl and knelt beside her. "Hi, Xion," she said kindly, hoping she didn't make the girl nervous.
Xion looked at Kairi warily, then showed her a bright smile. She held up one of her dolls for Kairi to see but didn't say anything.
"That's a pretty doll you have," Kairi said. "What's her name?"
Xion giggled and looked away shyly. "Her name is Christina," she said quietly. "Just like my best friend at school."
Kairi sat with Xion for a while, letting her introduce her to all her dolls until her knees began to ache from sitting on the floor. "I had fun playing with you, Xion," she said. "I've gotta go check on your brother now, okay? I'll see you again soon."
"Thank you for playing with me," Xion said gratefully. "Mommy never plays with me. She thinks my dolls are annoying."
Kairi frowned at this. "Is your mom here?"
"Nope. She doesn't love my daddy anymore," Xion replied casually. "I'm spending the night with grandma and grandpa."
Concerned, Kairi decided to let the subject rest. Xion was clearly too young to truly comprehend what was happening around her and she didn't want to stress the girl out by prying for more information. She looked around, found Sora, and returned to his side.
"Xion is a sweet girl, isn't she?" A woman standing next to Sora smiled warmly at Kairi.
"She is," Kairi said. "I feel so bad, I don't think she understands what's going on."
The woman sighed. "It's just terrible. Losing her father so young…and her mother being…what she is."
"What do you mean?"
The woman shot Kairi a serious look. "There's a reason why Nate and Brandy managed to stay together for so long. They were two peas in a pod. Two addicts leaning on each other. Until he got sick, and then she bailed because he was no good to her anymore if he couldn't help her get her fix. She swears she's been clean for two years, but I don't believe a word of it. If she really loved him, she'd be here."
Kairi stared back at the woman in horror. "Xion is living with a drug addict for a mother?"
The woman nodded. "Although, she has a habit of dumping Xion on anybody who'll take her so she can go do whatever she wants. So Xion really doesn't spend that much time around her, thank God."
"Doesn't she have two other daughters?" Kairi asked.
"Yes, but she lost custody of them to their father shortly after she and Nate got married."
Kairi looked at Sora, who was chewing on his lip, deep in thought. "Sora…"
Before she could say more, Sora's grandma called the attention of the room. "It's time," she said grimly.
Some of the family members had prepared brief speeches. Kairi discovered the woman she'd been talking to about Xion was Sora's aunt, Nate's younger sister. She talked about some amusing things Nate did growing up, and a little about his struggle with addiction, tearing up as she spoke.
When the speeches were finished, Sora's grandmother said a prayer and disconnected Nate's oxygen. Kairi swallowed hard as she heard Nate struggle to pull breath in on his own. The group gathered around the bed and watched as he slowly slipped away before them. When his next breath failed to come, Sora's grandmother began to wail, falling into the arms of her daughter next to her.
Kairi felt her throat tighten as she struggled to keep her own tears at bay. She didn't really know Nate well, so her sadness didn't stem from the loss of him, but rather for the pain she could see the others in the room experiencing. She felt a warm hand close over her own and squeeze and looked up to meet Sora's gaze. He was trying to appear stoic, but she could see his eyes getting watery. She offered a comforting hand squeeze back to him, silently communicating her support.
It was well after midnight when they finally headed back home. Kairi didn't want to trouble Sora further, but she couldn't hold herself back from bringing Xion up.
"I can't stop thinking about what your aunt said about Xion's mom."
"It is terrible, but remember she said she's hardly around her. I'm sure she's okay. No one would let her mom hurt her," Sora reassured.
"But why haven't they reported it?" Kairi asked. "If they think she's not a fit parent, knowing she lost custody of her other children why wouldn't they report it to get Xion out of there?"
Sora shrugged. "Maybe because they don't want to lose Xion to the foster system? That's what would happen if they did."
"One of them could adopt her." Kairi hesitated, then dropped the bombshell she'd been considering all evening on Sora. "We could take her in."
Sora nearly stopped the car in his shock at Kairi's words. "What!?"
"She's your half-sister," Kairi said quickly, defending her train of thought. "I think she could be happy with us! I'm home often enough to be with her, she'd be in school most of the time and we would rarely need a sitter for her. In fact, she's probably almost old enough to stay home by herself."
Sora really wanted to cast his stare of disbelief in her direction but was forced to stare at the road in front of him instead. "Kairi, I'm twenty-three. I can't adopt a kid that's practically a preteen."
"Why couldn't you?" Kairi demanded. "We're mature enough, and she's a great kid! I don't think she'd be much trouble for us. She'd be happier and safer."
"I disagree with the 'mature enough' assessment," Sora muttered. "I have no idea how to raise a kid of any age! I feel like I'm still a kid myself for God's sake!"
"Your mom would help," Kairi said firmly. "I'm sure she would love to help."
"Is this about your biological clock timeline?" Sora asked. "I'm not moving things along fast enough for you, so this is your way of making it happen?"
"No, Sora!" Kairi shouted. "This has nothing to do with that, that's a separate issue on its own. I just want to help her. She's such a sweet girl."
Sora gritted his teeth. "The family has the situation under control. If her mom starts going off the rails, they'll do something about it. But we can't take her in. It's not gonna happen, so forget it."
Kairi crossed her arms defiantly. "I'll never forgive you if something happens to that little girl."
Sora belted out an exasperated sigh. "I'm not sure what you even expect the process to be like? Do you know how hard it is to prove someone is an unfit parent these days? The mother especially! We don't have the time or the money to waste in the courts trying to do it. Let the actual adults handle this."
Kairi sighed, defeated. She knew nothing she said would change his mind. She just hoped that he was right and that Xion would be okay.
XXXXXX
Kairi selfishly hoped in the weeks following Nate's funeral that Sora's behavior would change, that he would return to more of the person that he was before he became involved with that side of the family. She thought that with the Nate chapter of his life finally closed that he might return to his old self again, cut down his drinking and become more cheerful.
That was not the case. He continued on just as he had, and as the weeks went by, she found herself increasingly disgusted with it. She had so many things she wanted the two of them to do—hunting for a house of their own, going to the beach, traveling and seeing more of the world. He seemed to have no interest in any of those things. He'd humor her and look at the photos of houses she was interested in, but never committed to phoning a realtor and setting up an appointment to view the houses in person. He was still binging on alcohol nightly, and if he wasn't at work he was seated on the couch, watching hours of television if he had no schoolwork due.
"Can't we just go spend one day by the ocean?" she begged one day, and he'd acted like she'd asked him to go clean porta-potties.
"I don't really dig the sun," he said. "I like it when it's gray and rainy outside."
Her heart sank hearing those words. That was certainly not what the Sora she'd met four years ago would have said. He'd loved the sun back then. He'd loved visiting the beach, looking for the prettiest seashells and playing in the ocean.
It started to dawn on Kairi that Sora had changed a lot since she met him—and not in a good way.
She called and confided her concerns to Heidi finally, no longer caring if the overbearing woman got involved in her relationship problems. She needed a clue on how to help Sora and return him to the guy she'd fallen for.
Heidi was uncharacteristically silent after Kairi unloaded her feelings. Kairi knew this was a bad sign. When Heidi was speechless, she had something serious going on in her mind. After a long pause, she finally spoke.
"He needs to see a psychiatrist," she said, which was the last thing Kairi expected her to say.
"What?"
"I never told him…" Heidi said slowly. "One of the real reasons why Nate was the way he was. But I should have…because I'm afraid he might be suffering from the same thing. If he is and we don't get it treated, it might get so much worse."
"Please tell me what you're talking about," Kairi fretted.
Heidi sighed. "Nate was bipolar. It was something that wasn't really serious when I first met him—that is, he didn't really have any episodes. They started happening as he got older. He refused treatment and his episodes got worse and worse."
"Is that…why?" Kairi managed, nearly choking on her own words.
"Why he left me and Sora? Yes. Rather, I had no choice but to kick him out because during one of his episodes he got so angry with me that he held a gun to my head. I was scared. Not just for myself, but that he would hurt Sora."
"Oh my God." Kairi felt so overwhelmed by this information that it was making her dizzy. "You think…Sora might have it? But he doesn't get angry with me."
"The symptoms affect people differently," Heidi said gently. "He might not ever behave the same way Nate did. But these major depressive episodes he's having…they worry me. We need to get him seen."
"How do I bring this up to him?" Kairi asked. "I can't just tell him I'm taking him to see a psychiatrist. He'll fight me."
"I'll think of something," Heidi said, determination in her voice. "For now, you just act normal, try to cheer him up. Try to get him to do things that are productive. I'll figure out how we can get him into the doctor."
Kairi had no choice but to put her trust into Heidi.
XXXXXX
Kairi was wildly unsuccessful at getting Sora to go out and do anything, until his workplace threw an annual party. They booked lanes at a bowling alley that had a party room, and the whole staff was invited and allowed to bring their significant others. Sora sounded excited about going to the party, and she was so relieved to have the opportunity for him to do something away from home that she made sure nothing interfered with their being able to go.
On their way to the bowling alley, he stopped by a liquor store.
"Why are we here?" Kairi asked, annoyed.
"This bowling alley only sells beer," Sora said nonchalantly. "We talked at work and we're all bringing some liquor so we can party down the right way."
"Do you really need that much alcohol to have fun?"
He looked confused. "Huh?"
Kairi waved him off irritably. "Never mind. Just go get what you want."
"Uh, okay." He shrugged and headed into the store.
From the looks of it, they were the last ones to arrive at the party. The room was full of people talking and laughing loudly, and half-finished pizzas and pitchers of light beer were scattered around the tables.
"Look who decided to finally show up," one of the guys joked, acknowledging Sora and Kairi's arrival.
"Nobody cool shows up to a party before 9," Sora scoffed, and he unsheathed the fifth of Jägermeister that he'd gotten at the store. "Anybody want some?"
Kairi watched, feeling uncomfortable, as a few of Sora's coworkers gathered around him to share swigs out of the bottle. Several of the party goers already appeared to be drunk.
"Heeey, Kaiiiriii!" A sweet, buttery voice cut through the noise, slurring her name. Kairi flinched at the sound and turned to see a very dolled-up Rikku standing behind her, a glass of beer in one hand. "I thought you guys weren't gonna come! You're so late!"
"Sora said you weren't starting until 8:30," Kairi mumbled.
Rikku laughed. "What a dork! We've been here since 7." She walked closer to Kairi and slung an arm around her shoulders. "I'm so glad you're here though. It's tough being the only chick around. Too much testosterone!" She giggled obnoxiously.
Like you're not absolutely loving the attention, Kairi thought bitterly. She tried to move away to walk back to where Sora was hanging out, but Rikku refused to be shrugged off and walked with her, attached to her hip.
They made it back over to Sora's table, where he was now chasing his Jäger with swigs of with beer.
"You're so pretty, Kairi," Rikku drawled, and finally released Kairi from her grip. She slung herself into a seat next to Sora and grabbed his chin, turning his face toward her and leaning in until her nose touched his. "Look at your girlfriend, Sora. She's so hot." She then turned Sora's face in Kairi's direction.
Kairi was absolutely boiling with anger. Rikku was getting far too close for comfort. It didn't matter if she was trying to compliment Kairi or if she thought she was being funny or playful, getting that close to Sora was crossing a line in Kairi's mind. She marched over to Sora's seat and pulled it away from Rikku. "You shouldn't get so close to his face," she said hotly. "It makes him uncomfortable, some silly phobia he has."
"Ooooh," Rikku said slowly. "Sorry, Sora. I didn't know."
Sora burst out into giggles, his cheeks pink. They hadn't been there long, but he was clearly already drunk. "C'mon, Kairi, it's all just good fun. Quit being such a wet towel."
Kairi fumed, but before she could respond, Dave called everyone's attention.
"Okay, guys, before you all get too drunk, I want to carry out our annual tradition." He produced a sleek acoustic guitar. "A lot of you know what this is, but for those of you that haven't attended one of our annual parties yet, anyone who wants to participate is going to draw straws. Whoever wins—" he held up a small mallet with his other hand. "—gets to smash the guitar with the mallet."
Kairi made a face. "what kind of a tradition is that?"
"Shh, babe, don't be rude," Sora said. "I, for one, would love to smash that guitar. Count me in!"
Kairi watched as a small group of the employees, including Sora and Rikku, crowded around to draw the straws. Rikku shrieked with delight as she drew the winning straw.
"Congratulations," Dave said, handing her the mallet. "Have at it. Just try not to hit the table, I don't want us to get kicked out."
Rikku held the mallet with both hands as if it were a baseball bat and stuck her tongue out as she wiggled around. The guys appeared to be watching her intently. Kairi rolled her eyes at them.
Rikku began to swing the mallet down, but withdrew at the last second, making a shrill sound somewhere between a scream and a squeak. "Oh gosh," she said. "I dunno if I can do it!"
"Just do it!" One of the guys called out to her.
Rikku giggled and looked at her audience sheepishly. "I'm kinda scared," she said.
Kairi wanted to vomit. She couldn't believe how the men were eating up this display.
"Here, let me help you."
Kairi's mouth dropped open as she watched Sora join Rikku by the guitar. He wrapped his hands over hers on the mallet and they got ready to swing. It looked very intimate.
They landed the hit and the guitar splintered, Rikku shrieked again with blatantly fake fear, and those that were watching cheered and clapped for her.
Kairi was trying to process what she should say or do next when someone tapped her shoulder.
"You wanna bowl a game? We need another player and you seem like you're not having fun." The inquirer was a tall guy with long, chestnut hair that reached below his shoulders. Kairi recognized him as Cody, one of Sora's coworkers that was frequently in the store when she visited. He was looking at her with pity, which set off alarm bells in her head.
"Do you know something?" she snapped. "Is there something going on between my boyfriend and that bimbo?"
Cody looked surprised and a little put off. "No, I don't think so? She's just kinda like that, you know? She's super friendly and she's really touchy-feely. She acts like that around all of us."
Kairi sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be harsh with you."
"It's all good. C'mon, come bowl with us. Take your mind of what she's doing. Sora's not fucking around with her. She might be extra flirty, but he loves the hell out of you, I promise"
Kairi decided to take him up on his offer, feeling slightly comforted by what he said, but still wary. Even if Cody could assure her that what Rikku was doing was her usual behavior, she was still upset with Sora for letting it happen when he knew how much it bothered her.
The bowling did help ease her mind for a while, and the group she bowled with were fun people, but once the game was finished, she was approached by someone else Sora worked with.
"Hey, sorry to bother you," the guy said nervously. "But I think you should get Sora out of here. He's totally wasted."
She followed the guy back toward the party room to find Sora laying on the floor in between the tables, looking as though he'd passed out.
"He finished most of that fifth off by himself," another guy proclaimed. "Pretty impressive."
Kairi groaned and knelt beside Sora. "Sora, get up, we gotta go."
Sora opened one eye and peeked at her. "Kairi?"
"Yeah, it's me," she said impatiently. "Let's go. Now."
"The room spins when I walk," Sora complained. "I'll stay here."
"You can't stay here. We have to go."
Sora sat up slowly and giggled. "Man, I feel sorry for the guy who has to clean the bathroom." He looked up at Kairi. "I puked in the urinal," he said, sounding proud of himself.
"That's disgusting. Let's go, you're embarrassing me." Kairi no longer cared if she sounded harsh in front of his coworkers. She was ashamed of how he was acting. Many of the people present had been drinking for hours and weren't as drunk as Sora was.
"You're embarrassing," Sora pouted, and finished getting to his feet. "Oh, man. So dizzy. Help me, Kai."
Kairi reluctantly let him put an arm around her shoulders, and she waved a quick goodbye to those who were watching as she walked Sora toward the door.
"Don't be mad, Kairi," Sora said after she helped him into the car.
"Why shouldn't I be mad?"
He peered at her with the most innocent look he could muster. "Because we're in love."
She sighed. "Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that your behavior is embarrassing. You have to do something about this drinking, it's out of hand."
Sora slumped down in his seat dejectedly. "I'm sorry. Don't hate me."
"I don't hate you. I am upset with you, and we will be discussing this when you're sober."
"Kairi?"
"Hm?" She didn't take her eyes off the road.
"Love you."
She swallowed hard and tightened her grip on the steering wheel. She didn't know why, but she couldn't bring herself to say it back to him.
"I'm gonna marry you someday," Sora went on. "I mean it."
Kairi stayed quiet, focusing on driving. She wished she knew why the words he spoke didn't feel right to her. They didn't bring her joy at all. Was it because she knew he was drunk and rambling? Or was there something deeper to her uneasiness?
"Kairi?"
"Yes, Sora?" She finally looked away from the road just quick enough to notice Sora's face was turning pale.
"Pull over."
When he was finished purging more of the alcohol from his system, they resumed driving and Kairi found herself breaking speed limits to get home. She just wanted to get away from Sora so she could think.
Once back at the apartment, he passed out on the floor of their tiny bathroom and she went to bed. She didn't sleep, though. Instead, she spent the night trying to sort out her feelings—why Sora's claim that he would marry her didn't make her happy and why she didn't want to tell him she loved him, too.
XXXXXX
Despite the fact that she had told Sora she expected to discuss his drinking when he was sober, Kairi found over the remainder of the weekend that she did not feel like talking to him about it. Her heart told her it would just blow up into one big argument because he would disagree that anything was wrong, and she just didn't feel like walking into that kind of drama.
Sora could read the extreme tension in the air, too. He didn't attempt to engage her in conversation unless she initiated it, and he made no physical advances toward her. The pair of them just existed in the same area, with little interaction. If Roxas noticed, he kept his mouth shut and minded his own business.
Monday came and Kairi was relieved to have an excuse to get away. Her final class for her degree was starting, and it was an accelerated semester, so she'd be at school for a good four hours twice a week. It began at 10 a.m., so she woke up with Sora, had enough time to get ready and eat a quick breakfast, and then she had to leave. When she got back, Sora would be gone for work until after 9 p.m., so it would be an easy day for avoiding him. She knew she would have to talk things out eventually, but for now she just wanted to savor the space.
She breezed into her classroom, finally feeling like an adult as she soaked in the fact that it was her last first day of school before she became a college graduate. The second half of the course was a lab, so she selected an empty table and crossed her fingers that the other two students that joined her would be good lab partners.
The classroom filled up, and to her slight dismay, nobody sat next to her. Many of the students appeared to be friends and chose seats together.
By the time the clock struck 10, her table was still empty. She shrugged. At least if she was alone, she didn't have to worry about anyone else sabotaging her grade with their laziness.
The professor introduced herself, handed out as round of packets explaining the class syllabus, and began to go over the semester expectations.
About 10 minutes into the lecture, the classroom door opened, distracting Kairi from her packet. In walked a guy of average height. The first thing Kairi noticed was his outfit. He wore a white t-shirt with a vest over it, tight-fitting jeans, and cowboy boots, and he had a baseball cap perched atop his head. She snorted. Douche. She let out a silent groan as she realized her table had the only empty seats in the room. So much for having a good lab partner. She could tell by his outfit that he wasn't the type of person she wanted to share schoolwork with.
The second thing she noticed was the guy's peculiar silver hair. It seemed only slightly familiar to her until she met his gaze as he approached her table. Her mouth dropped open as her brain fully recognized him and the high school memories he'd left her with came rushing back.
"Why hello there, stranger," Riku said as he slid into the seat next to her. "How long has it been, like seven years?"
"I'm trying to listen to the lecture," Kairi responded coldly. Of all the rotten luck. How could she survive eight weeks being lab partners with the guy she'd been in love with her entire adolescence and teenagerhood? The guy who had broken her heart seven years ago, no less.
Riku took the hint and sat quietly beside her for the remainder of the half. At 11:30, they were released for lunch break.
"We will pick up the lab half of class at 12:15, sharp!" The professor called out to the exiting students.
Kairi gathered her things and tried to escape the room before Riku could follow her, but he was fast.
"Hey," he called out to her. "Can we talk?"
"I don't really want to talk to you," Kairi's reply was sharp and she threw him a menacing look, trying to extinguish any ideas he might have in his head about her.
He sighed. "Yeah, I know, and you have every right to hate me, but hear me out. I was a dumb kid, okay? Puberty was good to me, girls thought I was hot, and I liked the attention. I never dated seriously at all most of the way through high school."
Kairi looked at him reproachfully. "No shit. I saw how many homecoming dances you went to." She turned away from him. "But understand this—this isn't just about the crush I had on you. You were my best friend. I would have been okay if you were dating other girls. I would have been jealous, and I would have been sad, but I would have survived as long as you were still my friend. What really hurt me most of all was that you just ghosted me. Like our friendship never mattered." Her eyes welled up with tears and she could have kicked herself. Why did she always cry when she was angry?
"I'm so sorry." He really did sound like he was sorry. "Look, I don't expect you to forgive me and I don't want anything from you. But it looks like we're gonna be lab partners for a couple months, so maybe you should forgive me enough so that we can work together? I have a 4.0 GPA right now that I don't really want to lose because my lab partner won't talk to me."
Kairi hiccupped with surprise. "You…have a 4.0?"
Riku chuckled. "I'm offended that you seem so surprised."
"I just thought—I figured—I mean, your clothes…" Kairi fumbled around for the right words and stuck her foot right in her mouth.
Riku raised an eyebrow. "You assumed I wouldn't be a good student because of my clothes?"
It really did sound stupid when he said it out loud.
"Something like that," she mumbled, embarrassed.
"Would you feel better if I came to class in suspenders and coke-bottle glasses?"
Kairi couldn't help it. She burst out laughing. "I'm sorry," she wheezed, trying to get herself under control. "I'm an idiot but I'm picturing you wearing that stuff and it's…oh god."
Riku joined her in laughter. "Ah, c'mon, you dork," he said warmly. "We'd better grab a bite before we run out of time." He settled a hand on her shoulder and gave her a gentle push toward the food court.
As she walked toward the food court with Riku, Kairi felt a sense of impending doom and guilt. She was still confused about everything that was going on with Sora. The one thing she wasn't confused about, though—the thing she felt guilty about—was the unmistakable fire Riku's touch had ignited in her belly.