A/N - If you haven't read the first date yet because of my dumb uploading oopsies, you should probably go back and read "There's A Light That Never Goes Out". Now, I know there are people who aren't really fans of Mark, so as a heads up, this chapter is (sort of, kind of, in some ways) a bit of family time. And Mark comes up a bit. The next chapter will make up for it though, if it must, since the M/R rating wants are high... :)
Also, disclaimer, I think I took inspiration form somewhere, but I can't really remember where, so if anything sounds familiar, then it's probably inspiration borrowed.
WHEN THE NIGHTS GET LONG
- Jukebox the Ghost
"And from what I've heard
There are miles between what we say and what we mean."
When Callie opened her eyes and saw her blank apartment ceiling the next morning, she could've sworn it was all a dream. But she tried to sit up and winced when the blankets rubbed against the scrapes on her knee. And then she could close her eyes and remember the exact wildly amused grin that Arizona wore, and the exact echoes of her laughing at Callie's complete and utterly embarrassing fall.
Now, sitting on the bus a week later, she watches the people on this ride with her. There's a teenager on the seat in front of her, nodding his head to his earphones. His backpack is resting on his knees, and his phone in his right hand. A young thirty-something lady fiddles with a ring on her left hand as her right one grips the railings above their heads. She looks around Callie's age when she'd just married Arizona.
Callie tears her gaze away from the window when her phone buzzes in her hand. Swiping it open, she smiles when she sees Arizona's name appear.
Hey. I got paged to the hospital at five this morning. You wanna have a coffee before rounds?
Quickly typing out a reply, she stuffs her phone back into her pocket as the bus grinds to her stop.
Of course. I'm on the bus and there's about five seconds left before my stop. I'll see you.
The bus was quietly crowded, but the hospital is loudly spread out. Callie strolls into the front doors, and interns are running on the glass pathway overhead. Janitors are hurrying past the elevators and nurses are fumbling with blood bags. Surgeons are looking down at their pagers and parents are pacing the floor. For a weird second, Callie feels almost hollow.
The weird kind of hollow that thinks it can be called lonely, but can't because Callie's not that lonely at all. It's an uncomfortable feeling. Like she's standing on a bridge and watching the lives of people pass by. Like she doesn't belong and won't ever belong and it feels like the complete opposite of what she felt in the tunnel with Arizona's arm around her shoulders.
"Morning, Calliope."
Callie turns her head to see Arizona smiling at her and holding two coffees. The hollowness disappears as soon as it appeared and she smiles back at Arizona. "Morning, stranger."
/
Arizona texted Callie ten minutes ago, and Arizona had ten minutes of unnecessary excitement. She can't remember the last time she's been excited for someone.
She looks forward to coffee and Callie.
Coffee and Callie.
But mostly Callie.
Callie takes the coffee Arizona hands to her and sighs as she takes a sip. "Mm. So good."
"So we're still on Sofia mini-party this afternoon?"
"Yeah, of course. Mer's picking her up at three from the daycare with Zola and they're coming over to yours, right?"
Arizona sticks her free hand in her lab coat pocket and steals a glance at Callie beside her. This feels like years ago, when they were different people. Different people in a different relationship, but just as excited at the growing potential of 'them'. The morning light falls on Callie's face in the same reckless way Callie fell to the curb on their first date, and Arizona smiles again. "So, the guests don't arrive until three thirty."
Callie raises an eyebrow. "Yeah?"
"We could have lunch. I get off early."
"Me too," Callie says, throwing her drained cup to a trash can, "Call it a date?"
"You read my mind."
Callie grins and pushes up her sleeves. "Alright. Thanks for the coffee, I gotta go and make sure Wilson doesn't kill anyone. But first," Callie glances around and backs into a small corner, pulling Arizona with her.
"Hm?"
Leaning forward between a shelf of towels, Callie pulls on the lapels of Arizona's lab coat and kisses her lightly on the lips. "Okay. Now I'm going."
Raising an eyebrow, Arizona pulls Callie in again, pressing into her again, because that one light kiss isn't nearly enough. Maybe Arizona still can't think about the stubborn bit of love she never lost for Callie in the daylight, but Arizona can pull Callie back in for a longer kiss in this hallway, as long as the walls won't talk. Callie's eyes flutter and her eyelashes are brushing against Arizona's cheek.
She's missed the days where she gets to kiss Callie in the hospital's hallways whenever she fancies. And this kiss in the hallway is every bit as plainly fantastic as she imagined it would be during all the sleepless nights. The world expects nothing of her from one to five in the morning, and she used a lot of that time, when sleep was hard to find, to stare at the ceiling and think about kissing Callie.
Moving on, for her, was being able to sleep with girls without wanting to jump out of bed and scrub her hands until they bleed this layer of skin away. It was being able to flirt without sending down a shiver down her own spine. It was being able to grit her teeth and look away when she saw Callie with Penny. And then moving on and improving took its real big step when she gave Callie plane tickets and put Callie above herself.
She pulls away when she hears a distant clicking of heels somewhere down the hall.
Still holding Callie's face in her hands for a second, Arizona laughs. As she walks away, she throws over her shoulder, "Okay. Have a nice day, Doctor Torres."
Looking over her shoulder again, she sees Callie wave and call out, "You too, Doctor Robbins!"
/
Callie hums quietly to herself as she finishes signing the last piece of legal-looking document that is boring her straight out of her mind. Glancing at the clock on the wall of her office, she still has a few minutes before the end of her shift. Nothing much is happening, so these few minutes will probably be spent daydreaming about Arizona. The habit that she unknowingly picked up again.
Her own private little apocalypse, destroying her time, in a way that Callie likes.
Their first date is easy to remember but hard to describe. It makes Callie feel all warm inside. After the park bench, they parted ways with a tentative kiss and Callie spent an hour in bed rolled up in her blankets like a burrito and grinning at the sheets.
So on the weekend, Callie asked Arizona on another date. She knows they'll have to learn to fall in love again, and she doesn't doubt that those three words would be harder to say this time. It seems that they either become too easy to say or too hard. Callie supposes she's lucky that they're hard to say for her, instead of being able to spit them out at whoever she slept with last.
Callie tried to go for classically romantic for that second date a week ago, and she thinks she did a pretty decent job at it. They dined at a nice restaurant in the middle of the city and took a walk around the sidewalks at night, because sidewalks and cars and the city, they're all very nice at night, and they're all things Callie missed about Seattle. It was a perfectly sweet night. Even the air tasted sweet. When Callie called them a cab, Arizona leaned over and kissed her with more certainty then she's had since their run-in with Lauren. Both their lipsticks smudged, and Arizona had laughed, and leaned back to kiss Callie on the cheek, leaving a red smear.
Callie raises her hand to rub her left cheek. She remembers wishing lipstick didn't wash off with makeup remover, because she would be okay with having Arizona's lipstick smear on her cheek for a long, long time.
A knock on the door ends her private apocalypse.
"Come in."
An intern that Callie thinks is called Tyler, or Kyle, or some other name that reminds her of the guy that used to sit behind her in English literature and snicker at his own dumb jokes comes in and hands her a couple of scans of her newest patient.
"Thanks," Callie says, looking over the scans and nodding to the intern. "Can you close the door on your way out, please?"
"Of course, Doctor Torres."
A few minutes later, Callie is walking across the parking lot and squinting against the sun bouncing off all the shiny painted cars. There isn't a cloud in the sky, and she scowls. She never liked clear and overly sunny afternoons. And this afternoon feels too peculiar for her liking.
But she guesses she likes this overly sunny and clear afternoon a bit better than usual because she's going to get to see Arizona in a bit.
This is Sofia's first birthday since she started remember things that both her moms are in the same place, probably. Even though Callie and Arizona aren't people who throw birthday parties for kids, they're having a small…get-together for Sofia. And Sofia was thrilled when they told her last week. So now, Callie's heading over to Arizona's bungalow to have a very late lunch or a really early dinner, and throwing some things together for Sofia. Also known as their third date. Which is funny, because Callie tells Bailey the third date's the sex date, but when she first got with Arizona, they didn't have sex until the fifth date, but that might've been because Arizona wanted Callie to mean more than a fling, and Callie wanting Arizona to not think she's some desperate lady who falls for everyone she sees.
Stepping on a bus again, Callie hums the same song that's been stuck in her head since it came on the radio on the way to their second date. Watching the city pass by her outside the window, Callie isn't sure there is anything better than a bus ride to Arizona's house with her earphones in. She's not sure much can be better than the anticipation to see Arizona on a summer afternoon.
She really does have a thing for public transportation.
The bus gets to the stop near Arizona's way too soon, and she steps off the bus to be hit by the warm, stuffy summer air all over again. She's got a car in the garage of the apartment, but today just felt like a public transportation kind of day, since there weren't any emergencies at the hospital. And Callie was glad she did, or else she would've let the five minutes in the bus pass her by without ever feeling it.
Walking up to the dark green front door, Callie pauses for a moment, her hand hanging in mid-air, before knocking.
Every 'date' label they stick on time spent together reduces Callie into a nervous wreck. She was so used to waking up with Arizona curled around her, to making dinner together, to taking care of a daughter together. And then, she got so used to not thinking about Arizona, to moving on with new people, to only think of her dead life when it's raining really hard outside. So now, dating and falling for this new kind of Arizona is weird. A good weird, but weird nonetheless.
Because this isn't any kind of dating. Callie is so sure she can fall for Arizona so easily, just as she had done all those years ago. This is the…endgame sort of dating. And she sees herself falling for Arizona so soon, so hard, so inevitably, and it terrifies her in the best good-weird-way possible.
She rings the doorbell, and a shadow appears behind the frosted glass right away, the door swinging open.
"Calliope."
Callie grins right back towards Arizona. She can't remember what was going through her head just moments ago.
/
Frankly, Arizona hasn't felt like a good person in a long time. After Callie, and after sleeping with Eliza-freaking-Minnick, she wanted to punch herself in the face. She didn't feel like she was horrible, but she didn't feel like she was doing a good job either. But then, Callie's swaying head, drunk and oblivious, popped up at Joe's all over again. And now, standing in her doorway and grinning at Callie grinning back, Arizona knows that at least she's trying like hell to become better.
And that already, wanting to be better, maybe is the hardest part.
"Come in, come in," she says, stepping back and waving for Callie to come in, "I pretty much already cleaned up around the house and did the tables and bought the cake. All that's missing is the people."
Callie steps into the threshold and laughs, "Well, luckily, I'm a person."
"Oh yeah, lucky me."
Callie's been to Arizona's a couple times before, but always as the ex-wife and the mother. This is her first time being there as the…she'll have to think about labelling them later. Almost scarily easily, she finds the kitchen and starts fumbling through the fridge while Arizona plops down on the couch, scrounging through a box of things she supposedly found in the wardrobe. She keeps reminding herself that people who've been on three dates shouldn't be acting this familiar with each other. She pauses for a second, listening to Arizona's shuffling in the living room, and the hum of the fridge.
It's quiet, and it feels strangely familiar. And then Callie smiles, because it's a really nice kind of quiet.
"Callie!"
Callie refrains herself from jumping when Arizona's voice pierces through her quiet. She wipes her hands on her pants and calls back, "Hey, what's up?"
"Come here!"
"Okay." Callie shakes her head to snap herself out of her skittishness and quiet. But likes the fact that it was Arizona who had pierced her quietness.
Walking into the living room, Arizona waves her arms for Callie to join her on the couch. "Look what I found."
Callie pads over the carpet and sits down, scooting closer so that Arizona's free arm loops around her shoulders. "Oh! It's the video camera."
"Yeah."
Callie prods the slightly bulky camera in Arizona's hands. She forgot it existed for awhile. It seemed only like yesterday that their fancy phones now completely took over taking videos for these cameras. "Open it."
Arizona flips open the cover, and they sit in silence as the camera starts. The small screen lighting up and the lenses whirring. As Arizona begins to scroll through the library, Callie laughs and points out the pictures they took.
One at the park, with Callie grinning at the camera, and Arizona grinning at Callie. That was the first picture they took as a couple. Callie remembers looking at that picture the night they took it and thinking how damn good they looked together.
A few pictures of the meadows they passed by on a weekend away. A couple of blurry pictures they took at a party Cristina threw in Callie's apartment under the excuse of 'Mercy Westers suck, we need cheering up'. One of them isn't blurry though, and Callie forgot they even took it. It was one where Arizona and her were squeezed together on a loveseat, and it looked like someone took the picture the second right before they were about to kiss.
"I like this one. We should print it out some time."
Arizona passes a thumb over the screen, where Callie's face is. "Yeah, we should. We look so happy."
"We looked drunk."
Arizona rolls her eyes and giggles. "Same thing." Pausing for a moment, she lowers herself onto the carpet, leaning against the couch and pats the space in front of her. "Come here."
Settling with her back against Arizona's front, Callie sighs happily as Arizona wraps her arms around her again to fiddle with the camera, her chin resting on Callie's shoulder. The next picture was a tiny Sofia in an incubator in the NICU. They scroll through a whole series of at least a good fifty pictures taken at their wedding. A lot of them on the dance floor, with a lot of people they don't really talk to anymore dancing in the back. There was Lexie and Jackson dancing next to Bailey and Ben. A picture of their big white frosted cake (there were leftovers from that cake for days afterwards, and everyone took a little bit home) and a picture of Alex scowling at a toddler spilling juice all over his pants.
Arizona clicks the forward button one more time and they come across the first video. After exchanging a heavy look, she clicks again and the video starts moving. It's essentially a video of what sounds like Richard going around and talking with all of the guests at their wedding. Arizona giggles against her ear as she sees Alex in the back, trying to wipe his pants with a paper towel, and Callie smiles at Alex's signature scowl that he masters so well too. It's seemingly disappeared these recent years.
Callie sucks in a breath when she sees Mark.
He looks so young in the video. So cocky. So healthy. She'd almost forgotten the way Mark curls his lips smugly when he's happy. His voice is still gravelly and deep and faintly annoying.
But he's stuck in time, stuck in a camera, stuck to be only able to say that much ever again.
"I had a patient once who told me about his wedding day and how they asked all the married couples to come and dance on the dance floor together. And then they asked the couples who've been only married a year to sit down. And then five years. Ten years…twenty…and so on."
Callie reaches out a hand and touches the pixilated screen and Mark's pixilated face. Arizona silently lowers her hands and lets Callie hold the camera, wrapping her arms instead around Callie's middle and tugging her in closer and planting a light kiss under her ear. Callie can tell Arizona is still cautious about touching her, and it makes Callie feel like a precious porcelain doll. It's nice, letting someone making her feel so special.
But she can't be more grateful that Arizona seemed to get over that a little on their second date, because if Arizona's arms weren't around her right now, she's sure that the both of them would start crying. And god knows they've cried enough.
The last time they'd watched this video was on their wedding night. Naked, at three in the morning, on some sheets on the floor.
Mark smiles, "Until, they got to the last two couples; two sets of grandparents. Then he goes, 'sixty years'. Sixty years with the love of their life. That's gonna be you two. At our granddaughter's wedding."
Callie hears Arizona sniffle quietly behind her too, and she chews her cheek. They'd barely made it past two years into their marriage. She doesn't regret walking out of therapy or moving to New York, not one bit, it's what they both needed. Still, she feels like crying.
Mark raises a glass of champagne with all his smugness and sureness. "Callie. Arizona. Congratulations, I love you." The man behind the camera clears his throat and asks, "What about you? Won't you be dancing at your granddaughter's wedding?" Mark swallows his champagne and smacks his lips quietly. "Gotta have a partner for that."
"Well, if you had a partner, who would it be?"
Mark looks at something behind the camera for a moment, like he's not there anymore. For two seconds, he's somewhere else, with someone else. Then he replies, "Oh, that's easy. Lexie Grey."
For half a minute, neither of them says anything. Callie finally cracks a smile and mumbles, "Well, at least Mark's happily with Lexie now." She no longer wants to rip her heart out when she thinks about Mark. She gets that pang in her chest, but she manages to smile.
Arizona rests her chin on her shoulder again. "Yeah. They probably have three kids running around with names like Mark Jr."
"Lexie would have to deal with four pairs of giant egos, bless her."
Arizona chuckles.
Callie swivels around just a little and meets Arizona's eyes. "I loved Mark, Arizona, but never as more as a friend. I'm still so sorry that our friendship ever bothered you."
"I know. We talked about this that night I went out for sushi with Mark, and we talked about it again on our way to your ted talk. We could've done better then, I admit, but we're doing so much better now, so this is all that should matter, right?"
"Right. Thank you."
"And I'm sorry I didn't give you the time to grieve for him." Arizona inhales, "I regret saying you didn't lose anything everyday, Callie. You lost so much. So much."
"I know. I did. But that's not our 'now', okay?"
"Okay. I miss Mark. I miss him every time we have to call a babysitter and I miss him every time I start panicking about what to tell Sofia when she asks about us."
"Yeah." Callie sighs. "I miss him too."
"You remember that video we took when Sofia finally came home from the hospital?"
"The welcome home one where you didn't know how to take a picture?" Callie laughs, "Of course."
"In my defense, it was a new camera."
"Mhmm."
Arizona pinches Callie on the side, earning a little yelp. "Look for it. It's in there somewhere. We said that we would show it to Sofia all together when she graduates high school at the time. Sofia's going to grade one in a next week. Our little girl is starting elementary school."
Callie smiles again as she remembers the night they recorded the video together. She lowers her eyes to continue scrolling through the albums, stopping here and there to point out a particular photo. The camera is like a mirror into their old life. Except that it isn't really a mirror if she can see through it, more like a really solid piece of glass that she can see, but can't reach through.
"Oh, here it is."
"Put it on."
Callie presses the 'go' and holds it up so that they can both see. She's suddenly very grateful for Arizona's arms holding her down to the world, because she's fairly sure that if Arizona isn't here to hold her right now, she might just break loose and fly into the past. Or something like that.
The screen flickers and a smiling Mark and Callie appear, with Mark standing in front of the 'Welcome Home' banner, arm thrown over Callie's shoulder. Callie raises her gaze from the tiny Sofia in her arms and smiles at the camera too.
"Everybody…cheeeeese!"
"Cheeeese."
Callie chuckles at Arizona's loud 'cheese', and at her's and Mark's frozen faces, held in awkwardly wide grins.
Callie blinks and grounds out through the cracks of her teeth, "What is happening?"
"Oh, come on, I think it's on video."
Mark tilts his head in Callie's direction just the slightest and mumbles, "Should I go over there?"
"No, no, just give her a second—"
"Ah, but I pressed the button…? But it's not doing anything. Uh…"
Exasperated, Arizona sighs. "Okay, maybe I wasn't the best at handling this thing in the beginning."
Callie laughs, "You think?"
"Oh, shut up."
Mark sighs and lowers his arm from around Callie's shoulder and starts walking towards the camera. "I'm taking over."
"No. No, no, no, no." Arizona's voice is as always, shooting out at lightening speed. "I don't need your help. I don't need—"
"We have a kid together, Robbins." The camera wobbles away from Callie shaking her head with amusement and shows the floor swaying unsteadily for a few seconds. "You're stuck with me and my help."
Callie giggles in the background and Arizona sighs gruffly. The camera raises upwards again to Arizona walking towards Callie, flipping her hair over her shoulder. For a fraction of a second, she's grinning full-out at Callie's laughing face, and then she turns to the camera, her arms around her wife and her daughter.
Callie pauses the video. "We looked awesome."
"We did." Arizona nudges Callie's cheek with her chin. "We still look awesome. We can take another picture on Sof's first day of school."
"Yeah."
Callie presses the button again and the video goes back to life.
Arizona's hair twinkles under the light of their living room. The camera wobbles again and turns around to show Mark's brows furrowing in confusion. And then, a second after, he splits into his wide grin. "Oh!"
Arizona giggles at Mark's obvious pleasure at seeing himself still, after all these years.
"I got it!"
Callie laughs somewhere behind, and he stays grinning at the camera for a good ten seconds before Arizona's voice cuts through. "Mark, are you just looking at yourself in the camera?"
"Uh, maybe?"
"Mark! Turn the camera around!"
Mark rolls his eyes and spins around, raising the camera above his head. Craning his head, he grins wider as he sees his face, along with Callie's and Arizona's in the screen. "There you go! All of us are in here now."
"Is it still on video?"
"I think so."
"So…do we just stand like idiots and stare at the camera?"
Arizona shrugs, "Uh, we should say something?"
"Okay…um…hi?"
"Oh, Mark, you can do better than that."
He laughs and lowers the camera, turning it around again, showing Callie and Arizona now both fussing over Sofia, who seems to have woken up from her nap.
Arizona wiggles a finger in front of Sofia's chubby little face, and Sofia gurgles happily.
"Hey, baby," Callie coos, "You're home now. Oh yes, you are." Followed by a series of baby noises that can't be deciphered. "I'm your mama. This is your mommy. We love you so much, Sofia."
"Her dad is here too, holding the camera!"
"Yes, right, your dad is here too, but he's too invested in his good looks to turn the camera around."
"Hey! The camera's turned!"
Callie glances up from Sofia and grins at the camera, waving a hand for Mark to come closer.
Callie pauses the video again and puts the camera down. "There's still a couple dozen minutes on the video; you want me to get us something to eat while watching it?"
Arizona rubs her hands gently over Callie's ribs before retracting them. Callie smiles, remembering the soft spot on the side of ribs, just above her elbow that Arizona always liked to tease her with. It's not like Callie could help it, that one spot is like a glitch in her body that forces moans out of her.
"Yeah, that'd be great."
"Okay," Callie says as she stands up, "I'm going to order a pizza."
The pizza arrives fifteen minutes later, and after each finishing a slice, they settle down against the couch again. The leftover pizza lays half-forgotten on the floor on the other side of the couch, and Arizona slurps on a straw. Callie groans. "Stop doing that in my ear."
Arizona titters, "Fine, princess."
"Isn't that what Alex used to call Wilson?"
"Yup."
"Oh god, don't call me that. I feel like Alex is indirectly calling me while you're sitting behind me."
Arizona shivers as the image. "Yup, you're right. Alex has already saw more of you than I'd ever like."
"You're just jealous."
"Shut up. Put on the video."
Callie smiles smugly and retrieves the video camera, settling herself again to Arizona's front.
"Aww, look at her, she looks so peacefully adorable."
Mark scoffs, "Of course. Sofia is perfect."
Arizona looks up and smiles brightly at Mark. "Yup."
"So do we say something to her?"
"I guess so. Uh, Calliope, go first."
Callie's eyes widen, "Me? Why?"
"Oh relax, this isn't public speaking. This is talking to your daughter in a video that we'll probably show her when she turns eighteen and graduates high school."
Arizona claps Mark on the shoulder. "Hey, that's the first good idea you've had in a while."
"Not when I'm supposed to talk," Callie grumbles, "What am I supposed to say? Hey, Sof, being grown up kinda sucks a lot most of the time, so you'd better like aspirin and ibuprofen?"
"Hey, don't stress her out, Calliope."
Callie laughs and nudges Arizona with her elbow. "I still stand by that. Sof's better got a good stock of ibuprofen when she grows up."
"I really hope she doesn't inherit your awful hangovers when she gets to a drinking age, god."
"She's not going to drink until she's thirty-six, Arizona."
Arizona pats Callie soothingly, "Sure, whatever you say, Calliope."
"Okay um…" Mark raises the camera to show Callie chewing the inside of her cheeks again, gazing down at Sofia, who's gazing back up at her. "Um, when you're gonna be thirteen and screaming at us for parenting you wrong, remember that we always just want the best for you."
"She'll only see this at eighteen, Callie."
"Ohh, right. Uh. Oops."
"Your mama is probably going to go nuts a lot," Arizona says, "When you get to the age of walking home alone from school and when she texts you to ask about your day and you don't text back."
Callie glares at Arizona, "Mean." Clearing her throat, Callie juts her chin out to Arizona, "And your mommy here will probably go all marine-like on whoever takes you to prom. I'm betting on my aspirins that she'll most probably even have a gun somewhere on her desk when she talks to the boy or girl or person that's taking you out."
"I'm not even going to say anything because that's true, Calliope."
"Blondie!" Mark interrupts, "Isn't that my job?"
"If she really wants to, Arizona does 'intimidating' way better than you, Mark."
"Fine. We can scare the crap out of Sofia's dates and Callie can be the good cop."
Arizona laughs, "Funny, because I already know that Callie's going to be the bad cop in everything except for that. We're both going to be unable to say know to that little face." She leans over Sofia's bundled up head, "Right, little miss? You just look like your mama so much."
Callie turns around and rolls her eyes at Arizona's smug face. "Okay, yeah, you were right. I'm the bad cop for everything Sofia's done up to now."
"But you just wait until she brings someone home."
Callie rolls her eyes again and grabs Arizona's cup, slurping loudly through the straw before turning back to the video.
"You'll grow up and you'll go to college and you'll have to find a job one day, Sof." Arizona wiggles her fingers in front of Sofia's chubby little face. "Even if your dad and both your mommies are surgeons, you can be anything you want. Go be a trapeze artist, a fashion designer, but you'll always have the three of us at home."
"Yeah, your moms are stuck with me indefinitely—"
"A shame, really," Callie snickers.
Mark slaps Callie gently on the shoulder, earning a glare from Arizona, "—so the three of us will be together for a long, long, time. And we'll always have a home for you if you get tired."
"And you will get tired, Sof, and that's okay," Callie says, swaying gently, and earns another happy gurgle from Sofia. "The world won't always be what you thought it would be. Laugh when you can, cry if you want, bad decisions are inevitable. Just think twice before doing anything, and don't get married in Vegas."
"And don't think with your vagina. Don't let your heart live in your vagina."
"Mark!"
"Arizona, can you smack him for me?"
"Gladly."
The camera wobbles as Mark yelps. "What? It's good advice from someone like me!"
"I wish I hadn't smacked him now," Arizona says from behind Callie, "He was right. Sofia better not ever have her heart living in her vagina."
Callie chuckles and leans back into Arizona. She wishes they were all three here to watch this old video and laugh at their old selves and imagine what it would be like when they're showing this to Sofia twelve years later, when she's eighteen.
She wishes Mark would be here to smugly say 'I told you so' and Arizona to be able to smack him again. She wishes life could stop for people to catch up to it sometimes.
"You don't need to achieve anything great, Sof," Arizona says, "As long as you're happy, then it's enough." Mark raises the camera a little to see Callie looking lovingly at Arizona. Arizona turns away from Sofia and smiles at her wife, an arm slung around Callie's shoulders.
Mark's voice gruffly adds from the back, "And one day, you'll meet someone, even if you don't think with your vagina. That someone should make you happy. But you still need to put yourself first. If not, I'll go and smash in their pretty face."
"And you guys will learn to be great together. Find someone who makes you see the good in the world. Even when everything isn't very good, find someone who you believe things will eventually be good with again," Arizona adds, squeezing Callie's shoulder.
"Yeah, and we hope you'll be great at living out your life the way you want to. Even if there's gonna be a lot to live through."
"See, your two moms are much better at saying these things then I am."
"Why, thank you, Mark."
He laughs. "You have a family, Sof, don't ever forget that. That's a lot better than what a lot of people can say. And if you can help it, don't move too far away. I still want to do shots with you on your twenty-first."
"And your family will always be here. When your tired, when you're going through a break up, or when you just want to eat something your mama made. Even when you're all grown up and insist to be considered badass, like your mama." Arizona glances at Callie with a smirk. "Even if we all know how she's really like."
"I have a feeling that you'll grow up knowing how to throw a punch right away."
Callie laughs too. "Everyone pays a different price to grow up, baby, and everyone has their own set of emotions. Don't freak out when something happens. Don't just use your big heart, use your brain too."
"But don't overuse your brain and ignore your heart completely. Don't leave the love of your life behind to go to another continent when you still love them."
"Yes, that's good advice too, listen to mommy."
"And tell people you love them when you still can," Mark says, "Just say it. And then go from there." He angles the camera back down to Sofia, who's playing with Arizona's fingers. Or rather, Arizona wiggling her fingers and Sofia opening her mouth and blinking. Callie and Arizona's foreheads are hovering above the little bundle of blankets.
"Mark could dish out decent advice when you least expect it, wow," Arizona mutters.
"Yeah. He was a good man. I wish he could've been here to watch Sofia grow up. He would've been so proud when Sofia punched that boy for making fun of the girl with freckles."
Arizona smiles against Callie neck and presses a light kiss on the warm skin. "I know. But I'm sure he's still proud, wherever he is."
"And I hope you find a job that gives you a decent vacation pay. Or an internship that gives you a decent salary. If you're anything like me, then I hope you find someone like your mommy, who is absolutely amazing at filing taxes, or that you find a good accountant," Callie coos.
"I hope you can find someone who cooks just as well as your mama like I did, or that your mama will teach you all her secret recipes."
"I hope your pimples never need popping and you never get dark circles under your eyes," Mark says.
Callie rolls her eyes and adds, "I hope you meet more good people than bad people. I hope you never lose as many bobby pins as I do."
"And that you can always find your socks in the laundromat."
"And that you can get chargers in the outlet on the first try."
"And that you always find yourself close to public bathrooms when you want to pee in the mall."
Callie laughs at Arizona and Mark's back and forth. "We can't take care of you forever, but these are our wishes for you, Sof." As Sofia blinks slowly for the last time, Mark zooms the camera on her face, just about to slip into sleep. "Goodnight, mija. Sleep tight, sweet dreams."
"Night, Sof." "Nighty night."
Callie is not quite sure what to do once the camera stops. She wants to scream. She wants to cry. She wants to get mad or take a really long nap.
Callie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She closes her eyes because she wants to know nothing but Arizona's arms for now. Mark is going to be alive forever in their video camera. But she hates the fact that it's going to be only place she'll get to see his cocky smile and hear his stupid inappropriate comments.
/
Arizona isn't sure how much time passed before Callie shifted and helped her up, but she's almost sure she could hear the clock ticking away the time on the wall. Even if it's in a kind of sad silence, wasting away time with Callie is still one of the greatest joys she knows.
And she can't see what anyone can see in anyone else but Callie. But she guesses she isn't much one to talk when she couldn't manage to keep Callie within her grasp long enough to save herself and spare nearly enough time to love her. But that's okay now, because Callie's here, and she's here, and they're here, in this universe, in this timeline, in this moment, together. They're on the same side of the milky way.
And that's enough for now.
Following Callie absentmindedly into the kitchen, Arizona smiles. Callie is strolling between the shelves, balancing the big pizza box in one hand and trying to reach the plates with the other, and Arizona gets to smile this time, because it's so different than the last time she was watching Callie in a kitchen. This time, she gets to walk up behind her and wrap her arms her waist.
Callie stills and turns her head a little, nuzzling her nose against Arizona's cheek.
"You okay?"
Callie smiles. "Yeah. I miss Mark and our old apartment, but I'm okay 'cause you're here."
"Me too."
And Arizona is certain that everyone she knows has some great sadness somewhere in them, that everyone has great tragedies they don't talk about. And that everyone has that weight in their bones that creak, where the things they've done settle. No one's sadness is special, but everyone's sadness counts because it's theirs. There's no beautiful way to explain it, but there are better things she can't explain, and that makes her start looking forward to every new morning.
She can't explain how nice it feels to walk down hallways knowing she just might cross ways with Callie. She can't explain how exciting it feels to look down at her phone and see Callie texting her. She can't explain how good it feels to look up across a room and see Callie there.
"I think the people are going to arrive in ten."
Arizona breathes in Callie and nods against her shoulder. "One more minute, and we'll get moving."
"Okay."
/
The doorbell rings again as Callie is getting the cake out of the fridge and as Arizona hangs the last streamer.
"I'll get it," Arizona calls. Barely opening the door, Sofia bursts through, flinging herself onto Arizona's legs, beaming up at her.
"Hey mom!"
And then she pulls on Zola's hand and they disappear into the house, Arizona distinctly hearing Callie's surprised voice saying something about 'slowly'.
Opening the door, Arizona smiles too as she sees the two people on the other side. "Hey, Richard. Hey, Mer."
"God, the kids are right at the age where they can climb everything," Meredith grumbles, "I hope we won't explode after a whole afternoon with them."
"Come in, come in. We're gonna be five adults if April pops by with Harriet later. We'll manage."
Arizona waves Meredith towards the kitchen, where Callie is. She's still surprised at how Meredith managed to not murder her in her sleep when Callie left, but she guesses she'll just be grateful that she's twisty enough to understand the crap that goes down between couples and not judge. They even managed to get together and settle on playdates for Zola and Sofia a few times in the last years.
"Hey, Arizona," Richard says, still in the doorway. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
Turning back to him Arizona nods and waves him in quickly, "Yeah, of course, I'll just go and make sure the kids are good."
Richard nods, and nods towards Callie and Meredith coming out of the kitchen. "Bring Torres too. You guys are…um," he pauses, and Arizona misses him scratching his head and watching her watch Callie. "…On better terms, right?"
Grinning at Callie ruffling Sofia's hair, Arizona nods too. "Yup."
"Alright. Go on, then, just wave me over when you can."
"Mhm."
Padding into the living room, Arizona flops down on the couch next to Meredith, still watching Callie. It's pretty great, watching Callie, Arizona is positive she could do it for a really long time and not get a bit tired. Like people watching, except she doesn't need people, because this one person is enough.
She watches Callie while she giggles with the girls at their building blocks and their stories. Zola and Sofia were telling Callie a story about a boy who always starts fights with people in their daycare before Callie goes to the kitchen to get lemonade or coffee or something for everyone. The two girls think it's really important. And Arizona smiles along with Callie and Meredith listening to it, because it's really nice to listen to them talking so seriously about things like that and let it make Arizona feel like not all things are crappy all the time. And of course, there's Callie, who just returned from the kitchen, handing everyone a cup of lemonade.
Even the way Callie balances three glasses of lemonade really knocks the fuck out of Arizona. She just wants to watch Callie do stuff. Not creepily. Just to be there while Callie's doing her own stuff and get to see Callie in motion with everything.
When they finally settle down a bit, the doorbell rings again.
Callie bounces up this time, after just only sitting down on the couch, and gets the door, and after a few seconds, another two kids rush into the living room to be greeted by excited squeals from Zola and Sofia. This time, before Callie can come back to flop back on the couch, Arizona stops her.
"Hey."
Callie flashes a big smile at Arizona. "Hey, what's up?"
"Richard wanted to talk to the both of us," Arizona says, nodding towards the man and leading them into the small study to the right of the living room. "Dunno why, but he said he wanted to 'cause we were on better terms or something."
"Oh. Okay. Did we do something to get in trouble?"
"Well at least I don't cry every time he talks to me anymore."
Callie giggles as they step into the room. "Oh please, that was cute."
"It was embarrassing and nerve-wracking, Calliope."
"But cute to me."
Arizona shrugs, throwing a grin over her shoulder at Callie, just as Richard walks into the room. He smiles somewhat nervously at them before looking down at his shoes.
He's been watching the kids of all the surgeons for such awhile now that he's probably considered more of an uncle-slash-grandparent for Sofia, Zola, Bailey, Ellis and Harriet. And everyone loves it, because Richard somehow showed to have a hidden talent with kids. Arizona hasn't seen him this nervous since his first time watching two kids at the same time.
"Richard?"
He finally looks up. Clearing his throat, he opens and closes his mouth a few times before saying, "It's about Mark."
"Mark?"
He nods to himself, and wipes his hands on his jacket. "Mark."
Arizona blinks at him and glances at Callie, who's just staring him. She wets her lips, tearing her gaze away from Callie. "Mark? Sloan?"
"Yes, um…" He pauses, gathering his thoughts and says, "When he woke up and Torres came running into the hospital, he thought it was the surge too. And after a bit, he started to get bad again, and he told Jackson to get Sofia from the daycare, but before Jackson could get to him, he coded and…and didn't wake up again."
Arizona swallows thickly. She wasn't aware of any of that. She knew about unplugging Mark and Callie coming home, begging her to not let her lose one more person, but she didn't know about the 'surge' or Sofia. Glancing at Callie again, she relaxes a little when she sees Callie nodding calmly.
Richard wipes his hands on his jacket again, and pulls a white envelope, lightly crumpled at the edges, out. "I stayed by Mark's bedside a lot. I was the one who called the nurses as he coded and who asked him which papers he wanted to sign beforehand. When he uh, when he felt himself getting bad again, he told me he wanted to write a letter to his family now, which was you guys."
He extends his hand holding the envelope towards them. Arizona steps forward when Callie doesn't, and smoothed out the corners, brushing her fingertip over the flap.
"He started the letter, but I wrote most of it when he couldn't hold a pen anymore. I think he spent about two days dictating that letter to me, bit by bit, when he could talk. He told me give it to you guys when you all got better, and I was sure he meant maybe after at the most, a year." Richard shrugs and chuckles awkwardly, "I'm sorry, I guess, that I'm giving it to you so late. I didn't see how late it was until I saw you three laughing in the other room and realising you all haven't been looking so good since a long time. And…yeah."
Callie lowers her head and looks at the envelope in Arizona's hands, and Arizona looks back up from her hands at Callie.
Knowing Mark's touched this once, it feels warm under her fingertips suddenly. Maybe warm like the way hellfire's supposed to feel, even if she has positively no idea how hellfire's supposed to feel like. Incidentally, she also has no idea what to do with this letter.
Richard nods, and graces them both with an understandingly sad smile and leaves the room, leaving privacy to deal with the two standing together. Arizona rubs a corner of the paper with her thumb and looks at Callie and is even more unsure what to say or do. Callie, who looks down at the letter with an expression that would be adorably confused in any other situation. Callie, who after everything, is still gently passing a fingertip over the edge of the letter that Arizona's just touched, and who still reeks of welcoming tenderness even to this piece of paper of her deceased best friend.
Arizona marvels in a lot of things Callie related, and her gentleness was always one of them. Callie breaks bones and puts them back together and glares at interns, but her gentleness leaks through the spaces between her fingers and spreads through the air the way fog does. Arizona reads the brothers Grimm to children and saves babies and cries at authority figures, but is all sharp reflexes and strong angles, like the noises she gets out of the harmonica Callie used to carry in a pocket.
She likes to think those are just more things that make them fit.
Now, they're both stuck in this space between where they came from and where Mark's gone, and looking at a piece of old paper.
"Well, that was the first time I saw Richard so nervous after the time I yelled I was a superstar with a scalpel on the catwalk."
"I'm still forever disappointed I didn't get to see that."
Callie rolls her eyes, chuckling, and raises her head from the paper to Arizona. "Can we wait until Sofia's birthday thing is over to read this? If you want?"
Arizona cocks her head. "You're okay?"
"I am. I really am," Callie says, "I know that I'll probably cry at anything Mark's written on that, but I'm alright."
"Mark has really learnt how to steal the spotlight even when he isn't here, huh?"
Callie laughs, "It's his superpower."
"Damn it, Mark," Arizona says, raising her eyes to the ceiling. It's weird how Callie isn't the one feeling like she's falling apart this time. Arizona guesses it's because she never took the time to properly miss him. "Guess we'll just find new ways to fall apart."
"We were always awfully good at that," Callie replies. She leans forward and presses a soft kiss on the corner of Arizona's mouth and steps back towards the doors. "Come on, Meredith is going to go nuts being left alone with the four kids."
"Yeah, of course."
She can tell that Callie can tell she needs a second, as Callie smiles at her once more before walking into the hallway. Raising her eyes to the ceiling again, she scoffs and flicks her eyebrows disbelievingly. "Damn it, Mark," she repeats quietly, "I miss you."
Arizona took a few seconds to herself, but she rejoined the party almost as quick as they had left. She saw Callie throwing her a small, caring smile, and she returned it almost effortlessly. She can always smile almost effortlessly when Callie's around.
Now, she's sitting on a high stool with Callie beside her, and Meredith and April across. Harriet is sitting in her stroller and happily trying to grasp the edge of her blanket with her clumsy little fingers. The conversation is taking unexpected turns from their kids, to the tumour Meredith 3D printed a few years ago, to the pros and cons of pop tarts, to whether they should start using 'cloaca' as an insult. Callie thinks it's kinda cool, not gonna lie. Meredith thinks it's not vulgar enough. April thinks it's way too weird, and Arizona is sipping her water and smiling at Callie bobbing her head with a great joyful grin and waving her hands as she starts talking about a movie she wants to see.
She's wished things around felt more meaningful for a long time after Callie had gone away, the same way she wished unwashed piles of clothes by her bed were Callie's, and the way she wished she kissed Callie longer and touched her gentler on the thirtieth day of their separation just to hear Callie breathe her name against her neck one more time before they had split. The times she suddenly remembered. long after their past was gone, how Callie used to fall asleep in cabs underneath her jacket and how she can't believe how they let all that turn into nothing.
This afternoon is turning out to be really peculiar, and everything about the people she's spending it with makes it feel as meaningful as she needs it to be.
She watches Callie giggle and half choke on her water at something Meredith mutters under her breath and even though she is paying absolutely no attention to the conversations, she smiles in tune to the rest of the people chuckling and in tune to Callie's laughter ringing off the walls of their apartment.
All of them are always meeting and having their paths crossing at the strangest times. And every time Arizona comes back to Callie, every time they meet again, it's all in the strangest circumstances. And it's never the most peaceful things that get dropped on them, and the whole road behind is quite unluckily littered with car crashes, plane crashes and shouting matches.
But really, it doesn't feel like it matters much, because as long as it's the right person with her, as long as it's with her Calliope, no matter when they come back to each other, it's always so delightfully right on time.
/
Callie tidies up the last of the leftover cake and plops down onto the couch with a huff. "I thought the great high of messiness came when they were three years old." Picking at a spot that looks suspiciously like coffee on one of the cushions, she grumbles, "Aren't six-year-olds programmed to clean up after themselves already?"
Arizona laughs while closing the pantry door, "It's not for another good couple of years—" She stops when she eyes the clutter of plates and cups waiting on the countertop. Groaning, she goes for plopping down on the couch too. "You can go back to your apartment with Sofia tonight, so stop whining. I still have this messy house to myself to clean."
Callie grunts.
"Is Sofia in her room?"
"Mhm," Callie blows away a hair that stubbornly lands on her face again. "She said something about mermaid books and went in there five minutes ago."
"She's lucky she looks like you so much or I would've gone all marine on her long ago."
Callie scoffs, "You wouldn't have. You're nice to kids, it's like some sort of ingrained pediatric thing. Hell, even Alex started being nice to kids once he got stuck with you."
Arizona flicks Callie on the forehead before pushing the strand of hair gently behind Callie's ear.
Callie sits up a little. "Hey, you can come back to mine with Sofia and I for awhile before you have to deal with the kind-of-mess in here."
"Are you trying to get me in your bed, Calliope?"
Callie wiggles her eyebrows playfully. "Come on, you know you want to."
Arizona laughs, "You know I would've said yes anyway."
"I know," Callie replies smugly.
The cab stops at the red light just as a few fat raindrops plop down on the windows of her car, a rhythmic pat-pat-pat of the weather tonight. Callie shifts a little closer to the little head drooping against her shoulder and passes a hand through Sofia's hair. She looks up when she hears a faint snore coming from her, crossing gazes with Arizona and sharing a small smile.
"She sounds like you even more when she's sleeping," Arizona whispers.
"We sound adorable when we're sleeping, thank you very much."
"No yeah, you do sound incredibly cute when you're sleeping."
Callie glares at Arizona, "I'm incredibly and unbelievably cool when I'm sleeping. Sofia is cute." Arizona answers to her with an eye roll and a light punch on the arm.
Callie giggles softly. A warm yellow light flashes through the window as the cab starts again as they pass one streetlamp after another. Somehow weirdly squished in the middle seat between Arizona and Sofia, Callie feels like she forgot to grow up; like she's still a kid who gets a forlorn wonder when she's on night drives and still feels kind of lonely under the yellow streetlights. But she breaks her eye-lock with the windows and sees Arizona's soft eyes gazing right back at her, and she suddenly feels, instead, an odd belonging. She smiles at Arizona, and Arizona smiles back. Lord knows how many little smiles they've exchanged these past few weeks, but it still never fails to stick wings on Callie's internal organs and threaten to send them flying. Or something sweeter and less violent, if she wants it to sound more romantic and less realistic.
"The letter…" Callie says after a while. "Do you want to read it now?"
Arizona sucks her cheeks in for a moment, and then slowly says, "Yeah…okay." As Arizona reaches inside the pocket of her worn out jacket, Callie subconsciously reaches for Arizona's free hand. She blows out a slow breath when Arizona flips her hand and laces their fingers together in her lap.
The white envelope shines in the dimness of the cab with light filtering in broken, and Callie averts her eyes for just a second. To the shining billboard flashing past with fluorescent lights, reminding her of a new donut from Starbucks. She looks back at Arizona. And then she looks down at the folded letter in her hands.
Callie chuckles shakily and touches Arizona's fingers, telling her to unfold the letter. "Well, let's see what grief can do now." Let's see what an old letter can undo. The letter is burning into her eyes because she knows Mark's touched it once.
"Yup," Arizona says, followed by her own shaky laugh. "Why are we this nervous? I say there's a fifty-fifty chance this letter is filled with sex jokes Mark never got to tell."
"I say there's an eighty percent chance it's all bad dad jokes he wanted Sofia to hear."
Callie can already tell the night is getting long as Arizona carefully unfolds the paper and scoots closer to her. She's suddenly infinitely grateful that the person that can save her long nights is right here. They share the small rays from the streetlights, starting to read together from the first messily scrawled letters.
Hey. Callie. Arizona. Maybe Sofia.
First, I'm sorry, because I'm sure you are all beyond pissed that I'm telling Richard to only give it to you later. I hope you can forgive me since I'm pretty sure I'm about to kick the bucket and all. That would be rad. Thanks, ladies. I guess my bones are just tired of the body that woke them up today.
Richard just rolled his eyes at me and I told him to just write what I say. Dying wishes and everything, am I right? I'm right. I'm always right.
Robbins.
We had a rocky start, us two, but I think I can tentatively say that we're good friends now, family even. And we share the love for Callie and Sofia too, so I think I can say that I love you as well. I hope Callie found a way to fix your leg before it got too bad. If not, don't blame her completely, but I understand if you blame her a little. She's taking care of me, of you and your leg, of Sofia, and of Derek and his hand all at the same time. If you're walking around with a prothesis now, then good for you. You were always more than just rainbows and unicorns, I'm certain you'll survive this, and I see what Callie sees in you. You're strong, Arizona, spit out your blood, bare your teeth, fight for yourself. Please take care of our girls. I meant it when I said you guys will last sixty years and sixty more.
I know you'll make it out of this bad place and continue loving life as you do.
Sofia.
I don't know how old you'll be, but I hope you know that I love you. Maybe you can read now, maybe your moms are letting you read this part for yourself. I would be so proud. Tell your moms watch a show with you for at least an hour every weekend. That was my favourite memory with my parents growing up. But I'm more than certain that your moms will be far better parents then mine. Your moms are amazing, Sofia. I'm so sorry I won't be able to cheer at your graduation, to take you out for dinner after your first paycheck, and to dance at your wedding.
I'm so sorry I won't be able to be there as you grow up.
Callie.
You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I hope and hope and hope you can see yourself through my eyes. You don't even know how good you are. We used to laugh until our stomachs hurt, and it would be the best kind of pain. We used to share beds like little kids and tell each other scary stories. And then you used to get spooked and I used to call Robbins in the middle of the night for you. Thank you for getting drunk with me, for making bad puns with me, for pulling all-nighters with me, and for existing at the same time as me, on the same side of this planet. Wasting away time with you has been one of the greatest joys I've ever known. Thank you for always being there for me and thank you for letting me be there for you.
I think I could say that being your friend could be the greatest honour I somehow got to have.
I once told Callie that I don't really have a family. I'm so happy to say that it isn't true anymore. I have a family, but I'm leaving. I'll miss you. Don't be too terribly sad, I hope you think of me and think of the good times we had and smile.
It's going to be dark for awhile. There's going to be a lot of things we can't undo, because this damn earthliness hurts like a bitch. But there's always a moment that follows when you look at someone's laughing face and smile like it's the first time you've been warm. Each life has its light. Being able to light you guys up before I extinguish would have been the greatest thing I can't ever undo.
Remember me.
I love you.
"I want to write you a letter
I want to write you a song
I want to make it better when the nights get long"