no monkey business

Look what you doing, look what you done
But in this jungle you can't run
'Cause what I got for you
I promise is a killer, you'll be banging on my chest
Bang bang, gorilla

— "Gorilla," Bruno Mars

S.T.A.R. Labs, med bay.

It all happened too fast, even for a speedster. Zoom was onto them like a thunderstorm, looming ominously in the distance. No matter what Team Flash threw at him, he always seemed to prevail.

And he always seemed to get the upper hand on Barry.

There was no time to even think of telling Caitlin how he felt; instead, his life became a living-breathing-unending spiral of how do I defeat this villain and protect the ones I love?

Dr. Wells from Earth-2 had appeared, and no one wanted to trust the guy. But something in Barry did. Despite the fact that he looked like the man who had betrayed them all, Barry's instincts said that this man was different.

His old ex Linda Park became a close ally, but that all stopped when he put her in danger and —

— and Barry woke up with a start, Caitlin's concerned brown eyes hovering in his field of vision.

"You're awake," she said softly.

"How bad is it?" he asked.

She bit her lower lip. "Bad."

"And Linda?"

"She's okay. With some friends in Coast City," Cisco said, patting Barry's leg.

Barry watched him do it, as if in slow motion. He didn't feel it.

Holy shit. He sat up. He couldn't feel it.

"Guys. Guys. I can't feel my legs," he said, his heart rate starting to rise uncontrollably. " I can't feel my legs. "

Caitlin didn't say anything, but he could see that even she was freaking out.

S.T.A.R. Labs, Cortex.

Barry had never felt so helpless in his life.

If he thought he was helpless without his speed, try being in a goddamn wheelchair. Even worse, it was the fake Dr. Well's old wheelchair.

Talk about a shitty situation. Everything always seemed to be falling apart, and —

"Did Caitlin just come through here?" Cisco strode angrily into the room.

"No." Barry shook his head. I wish.

"She just hit me in the face and walked away! " If Cisco didn't look so serious and if Barry weren't so down, he might've laughed.

"YO!" Joe ran into the room. "Grodd!"

They all looked at each other. "Caitlin was being mind-controlled," Cisco said, as they watched Caitlin, then the giant gorilla, walk out on the computer screens.

Barry got up out of his wheelchair and grabbed his stupid cane, sighing with frustration. This can't be happening.

"Barry. Barry." Joe's voice interrupted his spiraling thoughts. "You can't blame yourself for this."

Too late.

"I still don't have my speed," Barry said. "How can I save her?"

"You may not have your speed, but you still got your brain. Use it. Help us figure it out." Joe walked away, with a final reassuring look at his foster-son.

"Where are you?" Barry murmured softly to the air.

Grodd's lair.

Caitlin hated feeling helpless.

Why was it that she was always the one getting kidnapped? First Snart, now Grodd…

And on top of all the Zoom-related fiascos going on and Barry still recovering. She needed to be by his side, needed to watch him, needed to be there for him.

At least she wasn't chained and on the verge of being tortured, but on the other hand, she was very sure Grodd wasn't simply going to just let her go.

"Barry," she whispered, wishing that somehow he could hear her. In the confined dark, she held onto the thought of him, the innocent peace on his face when he was sleeping, the way he held back her hair when she had been throwing up, the way he could make her laugh like no one else.

The way he never responded to your confession of your feelings, the traitorous voice in the back of her head said.

She shoved it away. It had been a crush, she told herself adamantly. It had been a crush, she loved Ronnie, maybe she still liked Barry now but they literally had another crazy speedster-slash-killer on the loose.

The way his lips felt on yours. That even when you knew deep inside that it wasn't really Barry, you still melted into that kiss, the voice in her head piped up.

"God, you just really won't shut up," she muttered to herself. Deciding to shove all thoughts of Barry aside, even if they gave her comfort, she cleared her mind like the meditation teachers had taught her to do back when she was younger and dealing with anxiety, and drifted off to sleep.

"Go!" Harry shouted as he stabbed Grodd with the syringes. But Caitlin lingered in the doorway, staring at the massive gorilla.

It wasn't his fault, really. He just wanted to understand how he came to be. And he was never taught love or patience or kindness. He didn't remember a mother. He only had Eobard Thawne and Eiling doing experiments on him.

Monsters weren't born. They were created.

Cisco pulled her away, and as Caitlin ran, she threw a last look at the gorilla as he thudded down on the floor with a loud bang.

After a long shower (thank goodness for S.T.A.R. Labs's bathrooms and no longer smelling like a primate), she cleaned and sutured HR'S wound.

"Thank you," he said, his sharp blue eyes seeming to bore into her soul.

"Thank you for rescuing me," she said with a smile.

"Well, we're a team, right?" Caitlin's smile widened and she felt her heart warm toward this man — the man that looked just like the renowned scientist who had given her life back, the man who had traversed to another earth to save his daughter, the man who had inconceivably become part of their ragtag team. This is how it was supposed to be, she thought. This is the Dr. Wells we should've had.

"I'm impressed." Barry's soft voice cut through her thoughts. "I think we all are." His voice was a comfort to her, the familiarity in its cadence putting her mind to ease.

"Yeah, well we need to do something about Grodd," Joe said.

"Like what?" Caitlin asked.

"We need to get rid of him for good."

Caitlin stopped in the middle of throwing away her latex gloves. "You want to kill him?" she said incredulously.

"This isn't Grodd's fault. He's only like this because Wells made him this way."

"Yes, but Cait — he kidnapped you and you would've died," Barry said, turning to face her. Concern was etched in every line on his face and rang clear in his voice.

But even the familiar moniker coming from his lips didn't sway her. "You didn't see what I saw. Grodd's getting smarter. He's… lonely and sad."

Caitlin had a soft spot for the gorilla she'd taken care of for so long, but more than that… she understood what it felt like to be isolated. To be terrified. To be sad and alone. "He wants more apes like him," she finished.

It was Cisco's turn to chime in. "You mean he wants kids? Because I'm pretty sure one telepathic great ape is enough for this city."

Once again, Harry came in to save the day. She was grateful that he found an alternative to killing Grodd, and she suspected he knew exactly what she was feeling. The man was more perceptive than anyone realized.

Central City.

Barry had agreed to being the bait, but he did not agree to Caitlin being the pre-bait. But the rest of the team had agreed that Grodd would only listen to Caitlin, and Caitlin herself insisted, so Barry had finally begrudgingly acquiesced.

His speed couldn't fail him today, not when Caitlin's life was at stake again.

And as he lay on the ground, with Grodd's huge foot slowly crushing his windpipes, he felt again the enormity of failure, of not being good enough, of not being able to save those he loved.

"Grodd!" a familiar voice shouted.

"No no no no no," Barry gasped, turning his head to see Caitlin striding into view. She can't be here she's supposed to be safe Grodd can't take her again I promised myself I'd keep her safe we all promised I can't let Caitlin die to save me I can't let anyone die to save me again —

"The Flash isn't your enemy. We didn't understand what you wanted, but now we do. And we want to help. You just have to trust me," Caitlin said reassuringly, her eyes pleading. The sincerity was apparent in her voice; Barry just hoped that Grodd could hear it too.

The pressure on his chest subsided as Grodd lifted his foot off. Barry scrambled to his feet, seeing Caitlin standing in the middle of the breach circle. He couldn't fail. He took a deep breath, and as Cisco flipped the switch, he sped toward Caitlin and whisked her to safety. They stood and watched the blue light expand, expand, expand… but it wasn't enough.

They all stared in horror as Grodd took one struggling step, then another, as if moving through cement.

"Barry, you cannot let Grodd go free," Henry said, his belief in his son reverberating through his voice. Barry swallowed and nodded, speeding off for a super punch.

Henry knew that his son, like him, would always do what it took to keep those he loved safe. He didn't know Dr. Snow well, having met her for the first time today, but he could see the connection the two had. He knew Barry would, and could, keep Grodd away from her forever.

As Grodd flew through the breach, Henry cheered and hugged Joe, Iris beaming excitedly at the computer monitor between them.

This is what family feels like, Henry thought. And I am so glad Barry has them.