Happiness wasn't something Espionage was used to feeling. Even growing up, happy moments with Hawks weren't an everyday thing. And when they did find time to be happy, it was hard to stay that way with their instructors, trainers, and supervisors constantly breathing down their necks, threatening them with punishment every time their standards weren't met. Usually her main emotions shuffled between fear, worry, and sadness. There were times of annoyance or cockiness sprinkled in here and there, but if she had to summarize her general state of being, that would be it. And then there were the times where she just felt nothing at all. Where she felt broken. Felt hollow. Empty. Time and missions would pass her by and she wouldn't feel a thing. Something would shake her from that eventually, usually her own knowledge that the Commission wanted exactly that from her. They didn't want her to think, to feel. They wanted her to do. Her own persistence to spite them was what kicked her from her fugue state almost every time. She'd rather be in pain and be a thorn in the Commission's side than feel nothing at all.
Giving into Hawks's philosophy of trying to find happiness despite their circumstances was an entirely new experience. Espionage had never felt so damn good in her whole life. The world around her might be shades of brown, gray, and white as winter settled, but she never thought it all was quite as colorful as it was now.
Even Liberation work wasn't as daunting. Turns out that Re-Destro was a huge fan of the holiday season and declared that they shouldn't work too hard from Christmas until the new year. Though Espionage had a personal theory that this break was because the arguments that broke out during every meeting were driving him up a wall, she wasn't going to complain. Any halts to the Paranormal Liberation Front's planning was just another thing to feel good about. Of course that didn't stop her from continuing to layer the blankets of doubt and distrust within all the members, especially when she had one on one time with the former Grand Commander.
Re-Destro was looking somewhat uncomfortable at the ideas she planted when his dark eyes focused on something behind her. His demeanor suddenly shifted and a smile appeared on his face as he waved past the spy.
"Hawks! I was just about to go looking for you," he called in the false cheery persona he so often clung to in times of stress.
Espionage looked past her shoulder to see the familiar crimson wings and windswept blonde hair. The hero lit up at the sight of them, his smile dazzling enough to blind someone. Her mouth went dry, but not from fear anymore. Now, it was joy.
"Yo! Whatcha need?" Hawks asked as he came closer, his golden eyes lingering on Espionage before flicking back to the cult leader.
"I was just hoping to extend an invitation to the New Year's Eve party here at the villa. It'll be a marvelous way to celebrate this coming year- the year that the revolution starts and the world we've dreamed of becomes reality," the leader said, his voice getting airy and his eyes unfocusing, like he was visualizing what exactly that world would look like. "Of course if you aren't able to attend, I completely understand."
"A party, huh?" Hawks mused, his smile becoming more sly. "We talking suit and tie type party?"
Re-Destro chuckled. "Preferably. Yes."
"Sounds like a good time. Can't remember the last time I went to a formal gathering. Should be fun to get all dressed up again."
"Delightful! I'm happy to have you with us, especially all that you've done for the cause," Re-Destro exclaimed, clapping his hands together.
"Coincidentally, I was on a mission to find you, Mari," Hawks said, his attention shifting once again. "It's about that time again for my super-secret spy devices to go out. You want them now or later?"
"Hm well," she started, "I actually left the equipment at my home today. Been trying to take it easy like Re-Destro suggested."
The tall, lanky man nodded. "Yes, we do all deserve the break."
"Meet me there later in the evening then? I should be back around seven."
"Sounds like a date," Hawks winked.
Though Mari Yoshioka rolled her eyes, on the inside Espionage was smiling.
Seven o'clock rolled around both too quickly and too slowly. The spy was mentally kicking herself for what she was doing. It was so, so dumb. And the fact that she was so legitimately excited over it was even more dumb. When she saw that morning that it was December 28th, she just knew she had to do something for it. Hawks had done so much for her, not only in just the past week, but her entire life, whether or not he knew that. He deserved something special. She wouldn't consider herself the best gift giver, especially since she's never given anyone anything before, but people always said it was the thought that counts.
A knock at her door forced her out of the kitchen she's been obsessing in for the past hour. Hawks looked amused before even she opened it, wearing a smirk that frustrated her for a multitude of reasons.
"Sup, boss," Hawks said as he stepped inside. "Was I interrupting something? You look a little frazzled."
"Just making dinner," she answered, trying to maintain Yoshioka's lower vocal register despite the nervousness she felt. "You're welcome to stay if you don't have plans. I made extra with the intention of having leftovers for tomorrow, but I do still think I owe you for paying for dinner a while ago."
Hawks's eyebrows raised in curiosity though his voice stayed casual. "Who am I to turn down free food?"
"Weren't you the one who said that you had more money than you knew what to do with? I didn't think that would be a deciding factor."
"Oh come on, boss, you know that's not it at all."
Espionage and Hawks headed upstairs for the usual routine. Drop the microphones, put on the new GPS, and relax. The spy opened her mouth to speak, but the hero beat her to the punch.
"You know, Espie, I don't think fried chicken makes for good meal prep. It'll get soggy if you leave it in the fridge," he chuckled, obviously seeing through her previous lie.
"I needed to say something believable. Besides, it's not like the Skeptic keeps track of what I eat. They barely keep track of me at all. Unlike somebody else," Espionage said, waving his comment off as she smiled. "I've never actually made fried chicken before, so don't expect anything fantastic. But it's the best I know how to do for your birthday."
"My birthday?" Hawks's head cocked to the side, an eyebrow arched in thought. "Oh. I guess it is my birthday. You remembered that?"
Espionage shifted her weight between her legs, her heart beating in her chest like it was replaced by a small butterfly. "I guess I did."
His response came in the form of an all-consuming hug. The movement he made toward her was so sudden and smooth she was caught slightly off guard when his arms wrapped around her waist, his face burying into her curls. His wings circled around her so that she was engulfed in a blanket of down.
"Thanks, dove."
Espionage couldn't find words to say back. Part of her wanted to say that she'd do this anytime, but she knew that was a bold-faced lie. She still fully expected to never see him again after the Liberation and League were put down. She didn't want to lie to him, even if he also recognized that this couldn't be a regular occurrence.
"I wish I could do more," was what she finally said back.
When Hawks pulled away, there was a mischievous glint in his sharp eyes. "You know, I think there is."
"Why do I have a feeling that it's something crazy?" she sighed.
"Because it is," he laughed. "After dinner, which I'm sure is great by the way, I'm going to put this little bug back on the fan at home and we're getting out of here tonight. Going out of the city and going for a nice, long, relaxing flight."
"Hawks- "
"Nope," the hero interrupted, detaching himself from her as he did. "As the birthday boy, this request can't be denied. Besides, I have a plan and I can guarantee we won't get caught."
"No, you can't."
"Fine, you're right, I can't guarantee that. But that's never stopped me before," Hawks admitted. "Now let's go get that chicken."
x
Another three days later, Hawks was standing among a huge crowd of people. The lower floor of the Paranormal Liberation Front's headquarters wasn't as packed as it was the day Re-Destro announced that the League of Villains was merging into the extremist group, but with all the added party affairs, it definitely still felt cramped. There were decorations along all the walls. Beautiful strings of garland with lights and multiple colors of ribbon wrapped within them. Draping curtains covering some parts to add some dimension and more color into the normally bland, rectangular space. There were a variety of tables set up all around, a dance floor in the middle, bar tops with shelves of alcohol set up on both sides. Among all Re-Destro's guests, there was a flurry of wait staff carrying trays upon trays of small horderves to anyone who called for them. Overall, it was definitely one of, if not the, fanciest parties the hero has ever been to.
He would love to say he took time to enjoy it. It would be so easy to let himself revel in the attention he was getting as people were awed in his presence. To anyone else, he looked like he was. He acted the part well enough. He talked to anyone and everyone, laughed loudly, smiled brightly, winked, and fluttered his feathers at all the right moments. But in reality, he was stuck in his own head.
All he could think about was his birthday, and how it felt to soar high in the sky with Espionage cradled in his arms. Both of them experiencing more freedom that night than they ever have in their entire lives. He couldn't possibly forget the look on her face when they arrived at the next city south of Deika, where all the Christmas lights still twinkled on the streets so it was almost like they were completely surrounded by stars. She has looked so genuinely awestruck. It was those memories that were stuck in his mind now, playing over and over again like a broken record.
Yet for all his daydreaming, Hawks didn't see Espionage for most of the party. He caught fleeting glances of her here and there, but both of their attentions were divided among other people and activities. While the selfish side of him was more than willing to ditch the pesky social obligations in favor of spending more time with her, the logical side knew they both still had a mission to complete. This party was an excellent time to glean information while people were more relaxed as well as continue to gain their trust. And he was also still a hero with an image to maintain; a little fanservice, even to Liberation sympathizers, could never hurt.
But duty wasn't going to stop Hawks from dancing with Espionage before the night was through.
In a small moment that he had to himself, Hawks searched the large room, eventually finding the woman sitting at one of the heavily decorated round tables with Dabi and Geten. It was a weird combination of people, though not quite as strange as the trio that went into the bar together. Although Hawks only thought that because he knew Epsionage's true identity and was decently close to Dabi at this point. Geten was a character. The winged hero only had two short personal conversations with the man and from what he could tell, Geten was crazily overzealous and power hungry. Learning that he nearly overpowered Dabi earned him a spot on this ever-growing list of people to look out for when the villa is eventually raided by the heroes.
Hawks made his way to the group, swiping two glasses of champagne from a passing caterer as he went. When he arrived at the table, he sat next to Espionage and handed her the extra skinny glass of the bubbling drink.
"Ms. Yoshioka you're looking absolutely beautiful tonight. Geten it's wonderful to see you," Hawks greeted with a suave confidence oozing from his voice. "And Dabi, you clean up decently well. I'm impressed!"
The villain scoffed. Truth be told, he was probably the most casually dressed person at the party, but a black button-down shirt and dress pants was an improvement to his usually homeless edge-lord look.
Espionage on the other hand came dressed to kill. Or maybe just to kill Hawks. Her look was simple. It consisted of a long navy blue strapless dress with the lightest dusting of sparkles, but it hugged her body in just the right ways even when she was sitting, Hawks had to remind himself to keep his eyes from wandering.
Espionage smiled as she took a sip of the champagne. "Glad you could make it tonight, Hawks. I'd make a comment on how you look too, but right now all I can think about how we match," she said, her eyes trained on the blue tie that was partially tucked behind the buttons of his gray suit. It wasn't as dark a color as her dress, but it was still similar. "Was that coincidence or did you overhear me and Toga talking about what we were wearing tonight?"
"Purely coincidence, I swear," he answered with a slight chuckled. That was honestly the truth.
"Back to the question I was going to ask," Geten said, his pale face looking vaguely annoyed at the interruption. "Where did that scar come from, Yoshioka?"
Epsionage's hand flew across her chest to touch the top of her left shoulder at the question, Hawks's eyes briefly catching the mark before she covered it. It was a thick line of a scar, though it looked like it had long been healed. Looking at her now, the hero's keen eyes could see a variety of tiny white scars littering her arms that were faint enough that probably no one else would see them, but he did. They were all the same exact scars he had. The ones you can barely see unless you were looking, every single one a product of their rough upbringing. Though he didn't have a scar as noticeable as the one on her shoulder.
"Oh, this is just something I got as a kid," she answered, gently rubbing the area with her thumb. "It was stupid really. I was climbing a tree my mother told me not to climb and I fell. I kind of knocked myself out so I don't remember the details, but it hurt like hell."
Dabi's eyes focused on and off the mark, clearly showing he had been drinking heavily through the night, which explained why he was willing to be social. Though based on the way Dabi would shit talk other people, Hawks suspected that the villain didn't mind Geten or Yoshioka all that much since they were very rarely victims of his snide comments behind their backs. At least not as much as he used to.
"You know, Dabi, it's impolite to stare," Hawks remarked when the villain's gaze remained on her covered shoulder.
"It's not like I was the one who brought it up," Dabi replied as his eyes slowly peeled themselves off her. "Besides, if she didn't want people to see it, she would've covered it up."
Espionage sighed from between them. "Don't talk over me like I'm not right here."
"Sorry, dove," Hawks smiled.
Her hand dropped from where it was and now it was Hawks's turn to resist the urge to stare. But he wasn't looking just at the mark on her skin. She was always beautiful, but damn there was something about formal wear that made people more gorgeous than they already were. Golden eyes scanned her features during the group's party talk, trying to memorize everything about her in this moment, with a dull hope that maybe someday he would remember what he used to know about her. The idea that if he looked at her enough something deep in his memory would click into place wasn't something he hadn't already thought of. Even if that never ended up working, he still liked looking at her. If he couldn't remember their past, he'd like to remember their present.
"Hey sweetheart, wanna dance?" Dabi suddenly asked, the question popping up with absolutely no relation to the small talk.
"Excuse me?" Espionage countered, an eyebrow arched. "Why would you ask that?"
Dabi smirked, his deep blue eyes falling on Hawks. "Because I think dragging you away would be the most annoying thing I could do to the bird brain right now." Espionage opened her mouth to argue, but was interrupted before she could begin by the villain grabbing her arm as he stood, the action half dragging her with him. "Come on, let's go. You already give him enough of your attention as is. Others want some too, ya know."
A fire rose in the pit of Hawks's stomach as the villain and spy got lost within the crowd of people. Espionage didn't look very willing to go along, but she also looked too incredibly shocked to properly protest. The hero ran a hand through his blonde hair and sighed.
"Why does he have to like that?"
"Because he's an asshole," Geten muttered.
Hawks downed the rest of his champagne and got up from his seat, partly to continue mingling with others and partly to keep an eye on the pair that just left. Though the effort seemed futile as he jumped from conversation to conversation and couldn't find them. At least not together. He eventually located Espionage by herself, leaning against a wall as she scanned the mass of people.
"You feeling okay?" Hawks asked as he approached. Her expression was blank, which wasn't necessarily uncharacteristic of her, but he saw her fists clenching in front of her. A subtle tick that he noticed she performed whenever she was thinking too hard.
Espionage nodded. "Yes. Just tired, I guess."
"Did Dabi say something weird?"
"No… But yes?" Espionage looked around again, assuring herself that no one was listening in on them. "He insisted I be honest about where I got this scar from. When I asked why he wanted to know, he said that he 'wasn't sure'. He's obviously had a lot to drink at this point, so that could have something to do with it, but… I just don't know. It feels like there's something else. I ended up telling him to believe me so I could be done with it."
"So, you told him to believe you, or told him?" Hawks chuckled, adding inflections that only she would understand. He was being a little more relaxed with his word choice since the microphones weren't currently on him. Not like Skeptic would probably want to spend his personal time going back and listening in on conversations Hawks had when all the Liberation leaders attended the same party. It'd be like relistening to a meeting that Hawks was present for when Skeptic already lived out the entire thing.
Espionage shot him a knowing look with her sky blue eyes that gave him the answer he needed.
The air in the villa basement grew suddenly tense as people seemed to focus on the performers on the stage area the League and Liberation members stood on two months ago. The music stopped; people gathered toward the center of the room. One of the men with a microphone in front of them stated that there were only sixty seconds until the new year was brought in. And excited chatter filled the room as people anxiously waited to count it down.
Hawks looked at Espionage, who hadn't flinched from her spot on the wall. She watched everyone else so carefully, her eyes flicking back and forth in a way that made him dizzy just watching. Or maybe it was her lips that were so dizzying. Why did she have to wear a beautiful shade of red that made them look even more enticing?
10…
The hero once heard of a silly tradition. Something about kissing someone at midnight on New Year's bringing good luck to the relationship for the year.
9…
It was more popular in America. But it was a cute idea even though it made no sense, he supposed.
8…
She looked over at him, crystal blue eyes meeting his molten gold.
7…
God, her lips looked so inviting.
6…
Stay focused, Hawks. You can't do this here.
5…
Espionage raised an eyebrow at the expression he was giving her.
4…
Would it really hurt to test that stupid western tradition for himself? No. No, it wouldn't. No one would care if he kissed her. Practically everyone in the Liberation and League knew he had an attraction to her. It's not like he was trying to hide it. Sure, he technically had the Commission to think about. No doubt they'll have choice words for him when they find out what he did, because there was no way in hell he was letting her take the bullet for him on this one, but their superiors could go fuck themselves. What could they possibly do about it?
3…
The hero turned to face her, his expression darkening slightly as he locked his sights on her facial features. Her brilliant eyes, her full cheeks, her plush lips.
2…
"Icarus, what are you doing?"
1…
Hawks grabbed the sides of her face and sent his lips crashing into hers. It wasn't a gentle kiss by any means since he rushed into it so she couldn't think too quickly about his actions and pull away. It felt amazing, nonetheless. Like a pressure in his body was released as the desire he's had for so long now was finally realized. His vice was satisfied, if only partly. Of course, he wanted more as soon as he got the smallest taste, but this impulse was already crazy enough and he recognized that.
Wide eyes looked back at him when he pulled away, bewilderment clear as day. Slowly, a blush spread across her face as she opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her hand raised, shaking ever so slightly as it moved. Was she going to slap him? Push him away? He deserved both of those for catching her off guard like that and he knew it.
But neither happened.
Instead, her fingers lightly brushed against his cheek. Then, like lightning touching the ground, her other hand snaked around his neck, her calloused fingers lacing themselves into his wavy hair as she pulled him back down, her lips meeting his with a hunger he never would've expected.
Red wings surrounded the two as they kissed, encompassing the pair in a semi-private space. Both of her hands were now fisted into his hair, holding him close to her like her life depended on it. His own hands drifted from her face, down her sides, stopping at her hips to hold them firmly and bring her lower half against his. Her lips tasted like the bitter oils in her lipstick, yet so sweet at the same time. Their kiss was passionate, but innocent, and it left him breathless when they finally separated. Espionage looked dazed, tears forming in her eyes that she had to blink away.
"Was that kiss from you, or Yoshioka?" he had to ask, his voice coming out as a husky whisper. Part of him didn't want to know the answer, just in case it wasn't something he liked. But he had to know for sure.
The spy didn't respond at first. She looked like a million thoughts were running through her head that she was trying to sort out. The wait for her answer was painfully slow, but eventually, she smiled.
"Me," she whispered back.
He kissed her again and she laughed against his lips. A sweet sound that was better than anything else he's ever heard.
"So, do you think Re-Destro would be offended if we left his party now?" Hawks muttered, keeping his mouth just a few inches from hers.
Espionage hummed. "I don't think so, but frankly I don't care right now."
"Hm, rebellious," Hawks teased. "I like it."
When the wings unfurled from around them, there were more than a few pairs of eyes looking curiously in their direction. The blush on the spy's face paled when she noticed them, having momentarily forgotten that to others, this was a strange sight to behold. Hawks, who was more than used to watchful gazes and constant attention, grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards the closest exit. They found her coat among all the others near the front and the hero helped her into it, eager to get off the ground and into the air with her.
The nearly freezing wind that rushed past them as Hawks flew with Espionage in his arms cleared his head a bit, but he was still determined to get her home. To be alone with her. Getting in took a minute since she had so many damn locks she needed to take care of to feel comfortable within the house, which didn't help Hawks's impatience. He only had one thing on his mind.
"So, I need you to get upstairs and take all of that shit off," he commented as she leaned her back against the door.
Espionage froze and her breath got caught in her throat. "I… what?"
"The makeup," he clarified with a chuckle. "And the wig. I want to kiss you, Espie, not that fake you. You can keep the dress on though. I have no complaints about that."
"Ah, right," she stammered, her face turning red again.
"What did you think I meant?" he winked.
"Nothing at all."
"Ya know, if you wanted to take the dress off, I won't complain about that either," Hawks sang, his expression as playful as his tone. "I'm half kidding, though. I need to see the way that gown looks with your hair."
Espionage groaned, though a smile played at her lips. "Shut up."
She made her way upstairs, Hawks following her like a little lovebird the whole way, making himself comfortable on her bed as she hid herself away in the bathroom. It took a while for her to emerge, but when he caught sight of her, his breath left him again. It was obvious she was still trying to look nice. The makeup that sharpened the shape of her face and concealed her freckles was gone, but there was still glitter over her eyes. Her red-orange hair was as messy as it usually was after wearing it tucked under the wig all day, but it looked like she tried her hardest to tame the wild curls as much as possible. Though she shifted her weight under the slack jawed look he was giving, a confident smile started to grace her features.
"What's wrong, number two hero?" she teased.
"I think I found an assassin here to kill me."
Epsionage's laugh made him release the air he was holding in his lungs. "You're so dramatic."
Hawks's response came in the form of movement, walking towards her like it was his only mission in life to run his hands through her hair and kiss those lips. And he did. Her skin tasted more delicious without everything covering it. Sparks of electricity coursed through his body, starting where the two of them touched and working their way down to his toes. Sparks starting where his lips touched hers with gentle, parted mouth kisses. Where her rough, yet still so delicate feeling hands gripped the back of his neck. His fingers now combing through the tangled strands of her curls. It was one of the most amazing sensations he's felt in his life.
But he's felt it before.
He knew the way her lips felt against his. Remembered those hands. Recalled the sound of her sighs against his lips. It was all there in his memories. He's definitely kissed her at some other point in his life. And he was so happy to be doing it again.
The kissing and realizations he was having made him dizzy as he pulled away, loving the way her eyes fluttered when she looked up at him.
"So, should I go get rid of this GPS or do you want me out of here?"
"You know what? Fuck it," she giggled as she shook her head, her hair bouncing back and forth. "People saw us and even if Skeptic didn't, I'm sure he'll figure it out."
"Wow is that two acts of rebellion in one night?" Hawks acted shocked. "Who are you and what have you done with Espie?"
"I don't know. You…" She paused, her smile faltering. Her teeth bit at her bottom lip in thought before the smile returned. When she continued to speak, her voice was wistful. "You've always brought this side out of me."
"I still like it," he admitted as he pecked her lips another time. "You know, I'm kinda disappointed that Dabi beat me to the punch, because I was going to ask you to dance. At least he won't be able to give you the best cuddles of your life like I'm about to."
"Cuddles? You asked to leave the party for cuddling?" Espionage asked, incredulously.
"Yes. What ideas did you have flying around in that pretty little mind, dove?" Hawks chuckled.
"Nothing. No ideas at all," she recovered. Her face somehow stayed straight even though he already knew she was lying. It almost made the statement believable.
"Remember, there's ten bases I have to play."
"You're still going on about that?" she snickered. "Fine. Then what base are you on now?"
Hawks looked up, stroking the stubble on his chin as he thought. "Maybe six? No, seven."
"That honestly makes no sense."
"Maybe not to you," he chuckled, his eyes returning to look into hers. "But to me it does. I might be known as the guy who goes too fast, and I try my hardest to live by that, but for the first time in my life, I really want to move slowly. I can't really explain it. There's just something amazing about you that makes me want to take my time with all this. Don't get me wrong, dove- the list of things I want to do with you, and do to you, is a long one, but I think the buildup will make every moment we have that much sweeter."
Espionage blinked. "That's oddly poetic, coming from you."
"I mean, if you really, really want to jump to home base now, we can," Hawks shrugged and winked. "You might have to beg me a little, but who am I to deny a woman of her need for a sexy bird man?"
"Oh wait, you're back to normal," she laughed, the sound like heavenly bells in his ears. "You're still absolutely impossible."
Hawks smiled and gave her another small kiss. "I know I am. Now are we gonna start this cuddle session or what?"