All Remus could think was: not today.

For starters, he had his transformation tonight, and he really could not afford to be prancing around the castle in the night. He would turn into a werewolf and scab all of his friends.

And on top of that, he had a lot of homework to be catching up on. With all this mischief, Kaylee Martin, and potion business, he had been putting his homework on slack. But now that First Semester was coming to an end, they would be on his "progress report," a grade the teachers would know him as...for all winter break. Sure, he could catch it by time for his final exam, but he'd rather always have good grades.

"I can't do tonight," blurted out Remus quickly, without thinking.

"Why not?" asked Sirius, narrowing his eyes. "We have to try out that passage tonight! It's already the fourth of December. If you're suggesting we wait until Christmas, I swear…"

"Not Christmas," said Remus quickly, feeling guilty. His parents, Dumbledore, his Healers, and everyone who knew of his...condition...always told him not to feel guilty. It wasn't his fault. But Remus felt that it was. It was him putting his friends in danger. Him getting educated when werewolves weren't supposed to. Him making his family and Healers do so much for him...when he was a beast. And him, who was lying to all these people and transforming in a school of over a hundred people.

He tried not to show that around his dad. Because his dad had never been able to forgive himself since he criticized Fenrir Greyback as the stereotype of a werewolf, and his son was one himself. Lyall Lupin had beaten himself up.

"Yeah, so?" asked James. "Please, Remus, we won't get caught!"

As if that was his worry. But he played along with it. Any reason to not go - except the real reason. "I'm sure we will. Argus Filch is starting nighttime duties today, remember?" He was lucking out that that had been on the Notice Board yesterday.

"Who reads that stuff?" asked Peter, in disbelief. "Please, Remus, come."

"But Filch!" cried Remus, annoyed. The moon always made him more irritated, and gave him horrible headaches. Today's was more than usual, with everyone around him begging for him to come.

"What about him?" asked Sirius. "If we get caught...we get caught."

"I really feel I've had enough detention for a while," snapped Remus, suddenly irritated. "And you guys should too. But if you don't care, I can't do anything about it!"

He saw James, Sirius, and Peter all flinch at the harshness of his tone. Remus drew in a shaky breath, afraid for the moment when they would ditch him as a friend. Calm down, he told himself. It's not their fault, they don't know your problem.

"What's wrong, Remus?" asked James. "Why can't you come tonight? Obviously something's up."

"I don't feel well," said Remus. It wasn't hard to lie about that. His head was pounding and his mood was prickling.

"Then let's move you to the Hospital Wing, why are we waiting?" said Peter.

"We have to get to Defense," reminded Remus.

"Please," huffed Sirius. "We're taking you to the Wing."

"Fine," agreed Remus. They courted him to the Hospital Wing, where Madam Pomfrey was standing, holding a mask in her hand.

"Good afternoon, dears," she said graciously. "Who's hurt?"

"Me," said Remus. He exchanged a glance with Madam Pomfrey and she nodded in understanding.

"Ah, come in, dear," she said, holding out her other hand (without the mask) and courted him to his bed. "You three can get to class."

"Okay…" they hesitated. "Feel better, Remus," they chirped, before they started yelling some nonsense and ran out of the room.

"How's it going?" asked Madam Pomfrey, strapping her mask on and leaning in to look at Remus. "What's wrong?"

Remus hesitated, wondering how not to get his friends caught. He couldn't say they were planning to explore tonight! "We were getting close to the subject of my Lycanthropy, and I just felt sick and told them so. It was a getaway. But I also have a headache."

"Are you dizzy?" asked Madam Pomfrey, bustling over to a cart full of potions.

"Slightly," said Remus. "My friends literally dragged me here, so I didn't really walk, but when I stood...yeah. I'm dizzy."

Madam Pomfrey nodded. "I knew it was coming. I asked Horace to hand over a lot of these potions, and he resupplies me with yours before the full moon."

Remus smiled. The teachers were all helping him. And he had to start with Dumbledore. "Thank you."

"Here. Drink some of this. The headache should vanish. You can take this back to your dorm," instructed Madam Pomfrey, handing him a vial of purple liquid. Remus gulped it up, cringing. It was extremely bitter. "Yes, sugar does not help," she said sadly.

"It's...fine," gagged Remus. Merlin, this was terrible. He lapped the remnants up, and leaned back in his bed. His headache was gone! Maybe the taste was worth it…

"I'm sorry," said Madam Pomfrey, handing him a box. "Take these back. The purple ones are for major headaches. More light pink...lilac, almost...is for light headaches. This sky blue one is for medium. No harm comes from taking the sky blue one."

"Okay," said Remus, willing to agree to what she said. She knew better.

"I can excuse you from today's class," offered Madam Pomfrey.

"No, I'd rather go to class," contradicted Remus.

"Are you sure? I can ask a student to come bring you today's notes," Madam Pomfrey suggested.

"I can do it," Remus said confidently. He stood up, and he felt his head spin. He collapsed on the bed.

"I told you," said Madam Pomfrey. A tiny smirk - very tiny - grew on her face.

"I'll stay here," whispered Remus.

"Have some of this," said Madam Pomfrey, thrusting a vial on his bedside table. "It tastes worse than the headache potion."

Remus braced himself and sipped the potion up. He spit half of it out, before remembering it was for his good. He drank some more and cried out. Gasping, he spit it out again. It was the most horrible thing he'd ever had, and some werewolf potions were intense.

"I will go talk to Derek," said Madam Pomfrey, referring to Derek Dedric, their DADA Professor. "You sleep it off."

Remus didn't want to sleep. Why did everyone make him sleep? He picked up a bedside magazine and started flipping through it. After an hour of reading magazines, a tall, burly Slytherin boy who went by "B" walked over.

"I heard you were sick," he said, grinning sinisterly.

"You heard right," Remus said nervously. This dude had an intimidating feel about him, though Remus had no clue why.

"So you're a weakling," he summed up. "Here is the DADA lesson plan for today, and here are the notes Dedric wrote for you. We reviewed last week's curse and started discussing the theory for this one. And the grades for our essay came out. You got an O. I got a T." For some reason Remus couldn't fathom, the boy looked proud about getting a T. And why was he looking at Remus's grades?

"Thanks." Remus accepted the papers and put them on his bedside table.

"Mmm," the boy said. "You'd better be sorry, because you just made me miss the beginning of Charms, and I don't get the back seats with my mates."

"Sorry," mumbled Remus, his head throbbing again. He didn't feel the least bit sorry. It wasn't his fault!

"Good." The boy turned and left the room. Remus rolled his eyes and pulled out his Defense Against the Dark Arts notes and started reading them. Once he had finished, he looked around him. A sixth-year girl was lying down two beds away from him.

"Hi," she said, noticing him looking.

"Hi," responded Remus. "Why are you in here?"

"Quidditch," she grumbled. "Stupid Rogers accidentally hit the practice Bludger at me, and my bones are broken. Madam Pomfrey fixed them already, but I'm still sore, so she's letting me stay."

Remus nodded. He'd never been much for Quidditch anyway. It got you hurt a lot, and he really didn't need more scars on his body.

"Why are you in here?"

Oh shoot. The question he was hoping to avoid. "Headache and stuff." He answered it vaguely. He never liked to lie unless he really had to.

"I see." She flexed her arm and winced. "What house are you in?"

"Gryffindor, you?"

"Ravenclaw," she muttered. "Our Quidditch team is great. You play?"

"No," responded Remus politely. "I like to watch, though. And I'm a first-year, so I can't be on the team. My friend, James, he's obsessed."

"Ah." She nodded. "Lots of people like that."

"Yep."

The conversation had really died out at this point, so Remus said, "Okay, it was nice talking to you. I think I'm going to read now."

"Okay. Nice talking to you too."

Remus pulled out another magazine and started flipping through it. He was just reading about a new brand of cereal when the doors thrust open and Lily walked in.

"Hi Remus," she greeted cheerfully.

"Hi," Remus responded.

"How are you feeling?" she chirped brightly.

"Okay. Not too good, but not horrible either."

She smiled. "Well, here are your Charms notes." She dumped a file of papers onto his bed. "We continued working on the fire-making spell, and we reviewed the wand-lighting charm. And after Break, we're going to do a spell that makes objects dance."

"Blimey," muttered Remus, grinning. The thought of his textbook doing a jig on his desk was rather funny.

"I know, right?" asked Lily, grinning back. "Anyway, here's a diagram." She held out a piece of parchment. "This is how the spell works. And we're going into theory after break. It's going to be so fun."

"Yeah," echoed Remus.

"And here's your homework. You just have to practice the spell. I think they're going easy on us. Break is coming, after all."

"They're just piling up for the break assignments," Remus informed her.

"I love assignments. It'll give me something to do, anyway," Lily responded. "Anyway, that's all Flitwick assigned. Feel better!"

"Thanks," Remus called, as she left the Wing.

He picked up his Charms notes, but found it pointless. He would need the wand to perform the spells, anyway. He practiced the wand movement, he practiced saying the incantation, and he practiced the visualization. Then, Slughorn popped in.

"Hiya Remus!" he boomed, marching over. "I got you some refills for the potion."

Remus nodded, before glancing over at the 6th year. She couldn't figure out what was up with him...that would be a disaster.

"You feeling alright, m'boy?" he asked, sitting on the visitor table. "Drink some of this, it'll help for…" he turned around before whispering, "...tonight's ordeal."

Remus nodded diligently. He knew the drill.

"Drink this one right before. This one, Poppy will give you. And drink this every other hour." He gestured to three vials. "You know this, of course, but I'd like to remind you."

Remus nodded again. "Thank you."

Slughorn smiled. "You're welcome. If you need anything, any potion at all...I'm there for you. Just tell Poppy, your Madame Pomfrey, that is, to ring me, and I'll be here. Now, I need to get to class, my students are waiting, but I told them I had to come finish some important work." He winked and Remus smiled genuinely. Then Slughorn left, singing jovially.

Remus didn't like being stuck in the Hospital Wing. He was getting really bored here. Sure, he still had his notes, visitors, and magazines, but it was really getting boring. Maybe it wouldn't be so horrible to sleep.

"Psst."

He was imagining things. Now he really needed to go to bed.

"Oy, Remus!"

Remus started pulling up the covers, ignoring the voices in his head. Please go away, he willed.

"You stupid Remus Lupin!" cried a voice. Peter's voice.

Wait. What? Peter?

Remus whirled around in his bed and saw the three Marauders, cheerfully smiling from ear-to-ear.

"What are you doing here?" whispered Remus. From what he knew, class was going on right now, and there was no way they were here to give him notes.

The three boys trotted over to him and squatted next to his bed, ignoring the looks of horror on the sixth-year's face.

"Are you doing alright?" James asked.

"What? Yes...alright...I'm doing fine. What are you doing here?"

"We wanted to come see you," said Sirius.

"And you skipped class to come do so?" Remus was in disbelief.

"Well…" they exchanged looks. "Slughorn left to do some important work, and we created an explosion in the classroom using Snivellus's cauldron. And then it got so horrible to smell in there, we said we'd try to help find something to cure the smell and came here. Everyone else left too, they're trying to find Slughorn."

"Are you seriously telling me this?" Remus gaped at them. "Merlin."

"And next is Binns, anyway," said Sirius. "He won't notice if no one shows up to class."

"He won't notice if...oh no," moaned Remus.

"Aren't you happy we're here to see you?" asked Peter.

"Of course I am, but you didn't have to break all these rules just to-"

"Anyway," interrupted James, waving his arms dismissively, "the potion is at its second to last stage. We just have to go add the boiled water tomorrow, then let it sit for...well...a week. Then it's really almost finished, the chopped garnish needs to be added, of course, but really it's complete."

"That's great!" trilled Remus. Just then, the door from Madame Pomfrey's office opened, and the three boys dove under Remus's bed.

"Alright, Remus," instructed Pomfrey. "I'll discharge you for today. But I want you to come back tonight for the tr-"

"I know," interrupted Remus, fear pulsing through him. His friends were right there. Under his bed. "I'll be there." He smiled up at Madame Pomfrey, hoping she didn't think he was rude. He certainly hadn't meant to be rude.

"Alright, dear," said Pomfrey, ruffling his hair. "You are exempted from classes today, but you don't need to stay in the Wing any longer."

Remus breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you Madame Pomfrey. I'll come back tonight for my checkup." He slightly tilted his head towards the sixth-year girl, trying to lead Madame Pomfrey on a false trail of thinking she was listening.

"Oh, yes," said Madame Pomfrey loudly. "I see. Well, you come back if you feel sick anytime."

"I will," said Remus. Madame Pomfrey smiled again and let him leave. Remus grabbed his thick stack of homework and stood up. Once Pomfrey went back in her office, the Marauders broke out in a run to the door and scrambled out.

"Phew," sighed Sirius. "That was clo-"

"Ah, just the boys I wanted to meet!" cried a voice. They whirled around to see Dumbledore striding towards them. Uh-oh. Last time this had happened, it hadn't come out good. And they were out of class (well, not Remus). This couldn't be good.

"Hi Professor," mumbled Peter and James. Sirius waved.

"Actually, professor-" started Remus in a desperate attempt to save them from detention, but Dumbledore cut him off.

"No need to explain. You three ditched class to come meet Remus in the Hospital Wing when Remus probably told you he was fine and you caused some diversion in your Potions Class as a getaway to come meet your young friend, no doubt planning to skip your next class, which you thought was boring and was no need for the education it provided, as on any given day you wouldn't listen to the lecture, right?"

"When you put it that way…" they trailed off.

"No need, no need," he said, smiling. "You boys were just doing it for a friend. I suppose I can let it slide. From what Slughorn tells me, it was quite amusing in the Potions Classroom when he returned from his…" his eyes travelled to Remus - "...business."

Remus could imagine Slughorn humming a jolly tune and marching into the classroom before seeing the students running around in a scatter, pinching their noses and yelling.

"Actually, I was here to ask you a favor."

They perked up. A favor? This had to be interesting.

"As you know, Christmas is coming up."

"No way. Really?" James asked, grinning. Remus gulped - how did he have the guts to joke with a teacher...a headmaster like that? - and waited for Dumbledore to yell.

"Yes, really, Potter," said Dumbledore, chuckling merrily.

"Well...what about it?" asked Peter curiously.

"I was wondering if you would mind helping Professor Flitwick with the Christmas Decorations this year," offered Dumbledore. "See, last year, our DADA teacher helped him put up the decorations, but Dedric is refusing to do it this year because he is going home over the break."

Remus thought this over in his mind. "So you're asking us? Why not seventh-years or someone?"

"Because you four have jolly spirit! You are, from what your classmates tell me, the life of the party (and pranks) in your year. And what better than four first-year boys to put up decorations?"

"I guess…" Remus considered this. One on hand, he didn't know how he was supposed to help levitate ornaments onto a Christmas Tree. On the other hand, it would be a prime opportunity to sneak the Strengthening Solution into Dumbledore's potion. "We'll do it."

The others exchanged confused looks with each other, but kept quiet.

"Perfect! Professor Flitwick will be seeing you after lunch tomorrow. Now, you four had better get to class. I will check in with Binns and Slughorn to give you a pass-" Remus laughed to himself, Binns would hardly notice anyway, "-of these classes, but you four had better go back now. I won't be so lenient next time. Ah...Lupin, what is that?"

Remus frowned and looked to where Dumbledore was pointing.

"It's a slip from the Hospital Wing, sir," he admitted. He really wanted to go to class, but Pomfrey had been insistent on not letting him.

"What does it say?" Dumbledore picked up the slip. "Ah, you are exempted from classes today! Why, you didn't tell me. You can go back to your Common Room and get nice rest. The three of you - class."

Remus sighed and waved a good-bye, promising to explain to them the reason why he had agreed to Dumbledore later. They trooped off to their class glumly.

"Are you feeling alright, Remus?" Dumbledore asked.

"I'm fine," insisted Remus. People kept asking him that. He would be fine. He'd been dealing with it all his life. Why was today any different?

Dumbledore nodded and left, humming to himself Odo the Hero, a classic song.

Remus went back to his Common Room, which was deserted. He picked up his Charms notes and went over them again, when the door swung open and Emmeline Vance and Mary MacDonald walked in, the latter supporting the former.

"Are you okay?" was the first question that came to Remus's mind. And then, "What happened?" And then the final question came, "Aren't you supposed to be at class?"

"We would, if Severus's potion hadn't bounded all over us," grumbled Mary.

"Our feet are affected!" cried Emmeline. Remus looked and saw that their legs had turned bright purple and dark green boils were erupting out of their skin.

"Ooh, that looks bad," muttered Remus.

"Doesn't it?" asked Mary grumpily. "Pomfrey gave us some cream and told us to shoo."

"That doesn't sound like her."

"Stop being a drama queen," chided Emmeline. "Pomfrey gave us some cream, welcomed us in, and then once it still looked bad but we felt fine, she told us to go back to class."

"That answers my first two questions," stated Remus.

"Yeah well, in Binns's class, we were the laughingstock," muttered Mary sourly. "And so Pomfrey told us to come back, rest here for one period, by which time the stupid skin should go away, and then go to our next class."

"Which is lunch."

"Yeah, which is lunch. So we can skip that if we wanted," reasoned Emmeline.

"Sounds cheery when you put it that way," barked Mary. "I'm going to my bed. Merlin knows how terrible this feels."

Mary made her way up the stairs and put on a loud show of slamming the door shut.

"She's in a mood," deduced Remus.

"It does hurt," defended Emmeline.

"Mm-hmm." Remus looked at Emmeline pointedly. Her parents were Healers, and she was the one student in this school who had any idea of what his condition was. She didn't know he was going to the Whomping Willow, nor that he transformed there, nor that he put on a large fashion of excuses to go transform. She didn't know anything about that. She only knew that he had a magical illness which was impossible to cure, and her parents were trying their hardest to fix him.

He got very nervous when thinking about it. Yeah sure, she didn't know much(she knew almost everyone's medical stuff around here), but if she put together the pieces? She probably didn't know all these "I'm going out of town," or "I'm sick today," was really "I need to transform into a hairy beast," but it was still uneasy.

"Sorry," she said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, I know," sighed Remus.

"So...how are you feeling?"

"Okay," he said.

"Yeah. Is the school treating you well?"

That had two meanings to it and Remus knew exactly which one to answer. "I love it. My classes are great, and so are my friends…"

She propped up her leg - the purple leg - on the table and started applying cream. "Glad to hear it. Are you feeling better...are you getting treated well?"

Ugh. She wanted the other meaning. "Yes. Madame Pomfrey is brilliant."

"Yeah, she's nice, isn't she?" She rubbed the cream frantically on her legs. "You'll be getting sick sometime around now right?"

"Yeah." Remus blew out some air, knowing that Emmeline was familiar with the dates her parents had to go out to treat patients all night. "Tonight, actually."

"Oh right. You know when the illness happens." She squirted out the cream onto her legs and it only squirted our air. "Oh Merlin. MARY!" she hollered. "GET DOWN HERE AND GIMME SOME CREAM!"

"One second!" called the scratchy voice of Mary and Emmeline turned to Remus again.

"Well, I hope you feel better...safe...all of that. If you need anything, ask me to owl my parents, or you can too."

"I will," assured Remus, as the door opened and Mary ambled her way down the stairs.

"Hi guys," she muttered. "Here's your cream, Emm."

"Thank you," replied Emmeline, spreading cream onto her legs. "Is it just me, or do these itch for you too?"

"Oh no, they itch for me," Mary assured her bitterly. "I'm going to Pomfrey and asking her to give me some more cream."

"Not a bad idea," mumbled Emmeline, switching to her other leg and applying her cream. "Severus is so stupid, why did he spill his potion in the first place?"

Remus decided not to mention that Severus had not spilled the potion, and his Marauder buddies had done that to frame him (and visit him!). He nodded like he agreed with the girls.

"Because he's so...weird," summed up Mary, her voice lined with annoyance. "I'm going to go visit Pomfrey, Emm, are you coming?"

"Yeah, I'll go," volunteered Emmeline. "See you, Remus."

"Yeah bye," snapped Mary impatiently, her fingers frantically scratching her boils.

After they had left, Remus sighed. This was going to be a long day.

Finally, transformation had come. He hadn't been looking forward to it, but it wasn't like he could avoid it. It wasn't like he could skip his transformation as easily as his friends had skipped class. It was inevitable.

"You know the drill," reminded McGonagall, as she and Madam Pomfrey ushered him onto the dark grounds. Remus carefully avoided looking at the sky. Full moons were pretty in an evil way, like an evil lady who looked angelic to lure you. Full moons were just like that, and Remus hated them, but loved the look of them.

Why, oh why, was his life so complicated?

"I do," he replied. He never felt like talking much during these times, and his two teachers never pressured him to. Only things he said were, "Yeah," and "I know," and "I feel fine," though he usually never felt fine.

"It's going to be okay," said Madam Pomfrey, wrapping her cloak around herself tightly. He knew he wasn't expected to reply.

"Here we are!" cried McGonagall, once they reached the tree. She picked up the long stick and prodded the knot. "Remus, go on in."

It wasn't like he was walking the Royal Red Carpet, so why were they paying such close attention? He knew that they were trying to help, though, and he was extremely grateful towards them. He didn't know how he could live without all these teachers.

"I'll be here in the morning to pick you up," Pomfrey said softly, accepting his cloak. He watched as the door of the Shack slid shut and his teachers made their way across the chilly grounds back to the castle.

And here he was...again. He sat down in his favorite spot to sit in the Shack, a spot where not too many scratches were. The moment he went rigid, he would back out of the spot so as to not destroy it. It gave him a sense of calm, sitting in his spot by the wooden wall, listening to his heartbeat thud softly against his chest, his breath blowing in front of him, the smell of the Shack drifting around.

As he waited, he started to sing. A soft, melodic tune poured out of his mouth in a soft, melodic voice.

"During the darkest hour

In every sorrowful plight

In times you're most tempted

To cry or to take flight

During every moment of misery

When you're all alone to mope

When the people you love have gone

And you're starting to lose all hope

Remember, I'll be there watching

Watching every step you take

Cheering you on for every second

Praising the decisions you make

When you need someone to love you

Remember, every single day

To the world and back a million times

I love you all the way."

By the time the song ended, tears were fresh in his eyes. He loved this song, and he loved his mom when she sang it.

And then he went rigid, and his eyes shut tight. He was transforming.

Remus John Lupin, the Marauder with plenty of friends was gone.

And the wolf was born, alone once again.

A/N: Hi guys! YAY! My story is officially longer than the Sorcerer's Stone! Thanks again for reading up till this point, a lot more is in store!

Thank you to Mini, my sister, for creating this beautiful lullaby that Remus sang at the end of the chapter!

Thank you to all my reviewers, readers, favorites, and followers. You guys are great!

Some of you might be wondering about that whole Emmeline bit. On Pottermore or a HP Wiki page, it said that Emmeline knew about his secret. I didn't really want (in my story, at least) anybody to know about Remus's secret yet, so I tweaked that portion a bit. I'm trying to keep this somewhat canon, but still my own take on it (headcanons!).

Again, thank you to everyone who's been reading! A virtual hug to all of you guys :)