Chapter seventeen

Time to mend

It was amazing how gentle Elsa's touch could be.

Anna had seen her sink her fingers into solid rock and tear it to pieces, as if running her hand through a pile of snow. Yet she could also soften her touch until it was scarcely stronger than a human's. She had no idea how long this skill must've taken her to hone, but at this moment especially, Anna was exceedingly thankful for it.

Very, very slowly, Elsa wrapped a bandage around her arm. She was hyper-attentive to Anna's movements, and at the slightest wince of pain, she eased off. Anna steadily felt her arm becoming immobilized, with the sling to be affixed once it was fully so. At the same time, Elsa's other hand held her arm steady, with a grip that was firm but not tight. With some irony, Anna realized that a vampire would make for an ideal nurse.

A silence hung in the air, as it had since Elsa had returned with supplies. She had gently nudged her awake, correctly assuming that Anna would know the proper position to take for a bandage and sling to be applied. It was an anticipatory silence, born from both of them knowing they needed to talk but neither wanting to. It was tempting to just keep silent for the whole time, enjoying their closeness, but there were some things that needed to be resolved.

It was Elsa that first spoke, to the surprise of both of them. When the bandage was nearly finished, she looked up at Anna, who had been staring at her the whole time.

"Do you…hate me?" she asked quietly.

"No," Anna said. It was a quick response, but her tone indicated that it was an incomplete one.

The next question was obvious, but it still took Elsa a full minute to work up the courage to ask it. "Are you mad at me?" she asked.

Anna met her gaze. "Of course I am," she said.

Elsa winced as if slapped, but her hands remained steady. "Yes, of course," she said, ruefully looking down at Anna's bandaged arm. "How could you not be?"

"It's not because of the arm," Anna said.

This, she was not prepared for. "What?" she said, looking up again.

"I can take responsibility for my actions," Anna said. "I made a number of errors, without which I could've gotten through without breaking my arm. I don't hold that against you." Her gaze turned stern. "It is your behavior that I take issue with."

Elsa felt the strong urge to look away. She forced herself to keep eye contact, looking into Anna's eyes and seeing the fire smoldering within. "I understand," she said. "But please, tell me anyway. You seem to have much you wish to say."

Anna took a deep breath. "How could you treat me like that, Elsa?" she demanded. "I fully accepted, before I even entered your castle, that I wouldn't be treated as an equal. But to keep your affection for me hidden, and to pretend it doesn't exist? Why would you do that? Were you trying to get me to fall for you, so that I would be the first to confess and you could retain some kind of dominance over me, just for your own status?"

Elsa weathered Anna's remarks, but it was clear they rung true with her. "You are not far from the truth of it," she admitted.

"And that moment in the foyer with Kristoff, when you thought you couldn't have me," Anna continued. "You lashed out at me from your own disappointment, then ran away once I stumbled upon the truth of the matter. Was that all you truly wanted from me?"

"It was not," Elsa said. "It is not."

"Then…why?" Anna asked. Elsa's interjection had drained her anger, leaving only confusion and hurt. But that wounded Elsa more than her anger ever could have, filling her with shame. Against this, she could say nothing but the truth.

"Because I know him," she said. Anna opened her mouth, but Elsa held up a finger. "I know his kind, I mean. The expression he looked at me with, of fear buried beneath hated and disgust. I've seen it a million times, on every other fool who has ventured into my castle, and before that, every traveler on the road I could not conceal myself from. For seven hundred years, I endured those looks, numbing myself to them. They alone cannot hurt me anymore." She sighed. "But to hear you speak of laying with him…"

Anna's eyes widened as she began to understand. Already, sympathy began to show on this incredible woman's face.

"You are…overflowing with compassion, that much is clear," Elsa continued. "I had little doubt you possessed the capacity to befriend such individuals. Perhaps you even became close friends with some of the less brutish ones. But once I learned that one such human had found his way into your heart…how could there be any room in your heart for me?" Now, at last, she broke eye contact. "I am everything he hates, so how could you care for one of us and not hate the other?"

"Oh, Elsa," Anna said, gently touching the side of Elsa's face. Elsa guiltily pulled away. "It seems you've gotten all three of us wrong."

"All…three?" Elsa repeated.

"Kristoff is not a hateful man," Anna began. "You saw that yourself when he agreed to leave without a fight. He may be fearful, and a little slow on the uptake, but once he understands the situation, he is nothing like the worst I have seen in humanity."

Elsa seemed unconvinced, so she continued.

"Secondly, I never really held him in my heart, not the way you seem to have thought. He is a loyal friend, to be certain, and just the kind of man you'd wish to have at your back in a fight, but he and I simply did not connect in that way. In his heart, I think he would agree. On that night, he really was just a warm body."

Rather than cheer Elsa, this information only sank her deeper into her own self-loathing, as she realized her actions were further unjustified. "Very well, then," Elsa said. She released Anna's arm, as the bandages were completed, and fastened the sling. "You've told me how I misunderstood both you and him. But you suggest that I also misunderstood myself?"

Anna nodded. "Kristoff despises monsters. And you are no monster."

Elsa let out a bitter laugh. "You can truly say that, after what you've just learned?" she asked. "You now know I have had feelings for you since the first day we met, yet I still mistreated you all that time. Can you honestly say that it was not a horrible thing for me to do?"

Anna couldn't answer that, though it was clear she wanted to.

"I've not once treated you as an equal," she said. "But it seems I should have. After all, you are an incredible human, and I am a terrible vampire. I may even be your lesser, at that."

"That's enough of that," Anna said firmly. "I don't care who is greater than who. Perhaps vampires operate under those rules, and I know many humans do, but I do not. Strength, power, intelligence, position – none of that matters to me."

"Then what does?" Elsa asked.

Anna put her hand to Elsa's chest. "The contents of your heart," she said.

Elsa laughed ruefully. "Then you have your answer," she said. "My heart is empty. No warm blood flows through it. Stab it with a stake, and my body will die soon after, but it is not alive itself. It does not beat. It is a cold, dead heart."

Anna began to pull her hand away from Elsa's chest, but as she did, she grabbed her robe and pulled. Elsa leaned in, offering no resistance, and continued to do so even after Anna let go of her robe and instead wrapped her arm around Elsa's body.

"In that case," Anna whispered into her ear, "this should make you feel nothing."

She heard Elsa gasp as she hugged her as hard as she could with one arm. She could feel Elsa shivering. She was, too.

"I…feel your warmth," she said in a breathy voice. "I haven't felt something like that in a long time."

"You don't need to breathe, either," Anna reminded her. "And yet, you are short of breath."

"I…I…" Elsa was finding it hard to finish her thought.

"You are no heartless beast, Elsa," Anna said. "I've known that since the first day we met. I knew it before you carried me to my room and promised me answers to my questions. I knew it before I even hit your kitchen floor."

Elsa drew back and looked into her eyes. "You never hit the floor," she said. "I caught you."

Now it was Anna's turn to be speechless. Her already wide eyes opened yet wider, brimming with emotion.

"I didn't even think about it," Elsa said. "I saw you falling, I realized I wanted to catch you, and then…I had."

Anna nodded. "That is the way you normally live, isn't it?" she said softly. "Doing what you want, no matter what anyone thinks?"

"Nothing about my life has been normal since you arrived," Elsa said. "Before you came, every day was rigid and logical. Whole decades would pass by, unchanged but for what I chose to change. Now, every day is a mystery. I don't know what you'll do in the next minute, let alone the next day. You are chaos, and chaos is something I thought I would never want again. But now…" She trailed off, uncertain.

"Well then, miss Tepes?" Anna said, her voice turning sultry. "What is it that you want me to do in the next minute?"

For a moment, Elsa began to shake again, but she managed to stay in control this time. "…I want you to kiss me," she said.

Anna smiled. Then she put her hand on the back of Elsa's head and gently pulled her in.

As soon as their lips touched, Elsa's body went haywire. Her skin went into goosebumps. Her toes curled. Her cold heart soared. Natural instincts that had been silenced for seven hundred years came to life all at once. She felt the urge to draw Anna into a hug, and she did so with as much strength as she dared. Other, more carnal instincts tugged at her as well, but they seemed shallow and base compared to the warmth she was feeling now.

The kiss couldn't have lasted for longer than a few seconds. But even to an immortal, a few seconds could feel like forever.

It was Elsa who broke away, if only to prove that she still could. Anna looked, if not breathless, certainly stunned. "I've never kissed a vampire before," she said quietly.

Elsa raised an eyebrow. "I should think not," she said. "How does it compare?"

Anna put a finger to the side of her face. "Well…it seems there are some things you could stand to take lessons on, too."

"Ha!" Elsa laughed, caught off guard by her sudden levity. "Is that an offer?"

She hadn't realized how tense she had become during their exchange, but it was relieved with Anna's joke, for which she was grateful.

"Yes, I suppose it is," Anna said. "I've learned so much from you, it's high time I repaid the favor."

"Oh, but you already have, Anna," she said, leaning in again so that their foreheads touched. "Many times over."

She could scarcely believe any of this was happening. Mere weeks after her fears had come to fruition, her wildest dream had come true. Her world had shifted, around the axis that was Anna.

Now what the hell happens next?