July 1874
Living with Souji was exhausting, and a real challenge. Being in a relationship with Souji was even worse. He was even more teasing, without any bashfulness, and he would not hesitate to embarrass Haruhi in front of his students, just to see her all reddened and flustered. That was annoying her a lot but at the same time, she was so happy to finally be with Souji that she didn't really care for real. He was always finding ways to make her stop being mad at him anyway, that manipulative trickster. They were now spending all their days and nights together and Haruhi was happier than ever, falling asleep every night into the arms of the man she loved.
She started working at the potter's workshop once a week. Souji was confused about it. He didn't know that this agreement was for his birthday present and he couldn't understand why she bothered to help the man if she wasn't getting any money in exchange. Plus, she didn't need any money, he was providing for her with the dojo. He let her do what she saw fit in the end, shrugging as if he didn't really care but he made her promise that if something was off, she'd tell him immediately.
Kurozawa-sensei was nice and Haruhi found out that even with these many years between them, they could have a comfortable friendship. He was living alone since the departure of his daughter and the death of his wife and seemed a rather isolated man so she was often sharing tea with him after her cleaning or asking questions about pottery. The old man was always eager to answer any questions she could have, passionate about his work. He also was sharing a lot about the past. She never knew the shogunate stable. As far as she could remember, the Choshu was contesting its power and then, the war, its fall and the Meiji government. Kurozawa-sensei's stories were fascinating.
He was also a bit nosy. At first, she was flustered about it, when he asked about her special someone who she offered the gift to and all the questions he could have about her life... but she eventually let her guard down, talking to him about her family, her brothers, Souji, Kondou-san and his family... She even told him about the war, her role as a page, the day she held the Makoto high in front of the burning castle of Nihonmatsu... That sight would be carved in her mind forever. Kurozawa didn't believe all of it though since there was no reason for a child, and especially a girl, to follow her father to war. No commanders would ever allow it. Of course, Haruhi didn't tell him her father was Taichô. The old man praised her imagination, telling her she should write stories. She refused with a laugh though. She wasn't meant for something like writing. She needed action way too much.
Yet, his suggestion about writing made her realize that she hadn't written to her family in ages. She did it in Oita, months ago, but they left the city in such a hurry that if her father replied, his letter never reached her. He should be worried sick about her if that was the case. Plus, she was worried too. Seeing Heisuke's skin cracking like porcelain made her anxious about her father's life. What if he also had only a few months left too and she didn't even know about it ? And how could Chizuru-neechan manage everything without him and with two young children ? She needed to be sure everything was alright.
When she came back to the Shieikan, she found Souji in great discussion with Tsune. Polite, she proposed to make some tea for them but Souji said it wasn't necessary and told her that the training room needed to be cleaned. She bowed and smiled before getting to work. It wasn't really dirty though so she was finished rather quickly. Since she had some time on her hands, she decided to grab paper and brush and start writing that letter. If she wasn't doing it now, she would never do it.
Okay... so, dear Otousan...
First words written. Good, it is said that after these, it's supposed to flow. Problem was that it wasn't. She pensively took the tip of her brush in her mouth, a very bad habit unworthy of a lady, and looked at the ceiling to find out what to say and in which order. She started to write a letter and discarded it, starting again. The pile of paper by her side gradually became higher but she wasn't satisfied with anything that she was writing. When she was writing her eighth letter, Souji stepped in and she startled, hiding everything.
« What you're doing ? » he asked with a amused gaze, arms crossed.
« Writing to my family. » she answered with defiance.
« Can I have a look ? » he asked, getting closer and kneeling to hold her from behind.
« No ! » she shook her head « it's personal ! »
« Can I write a part, then ? » he asked innocently but she was familiar enough with the tone of his voice to know that he was up to no good.
« What are you gonna write ? » she asked in return, suspicious.
« Dunno. Something like "don't worry, Hajime-kun. Haru-chan is fine and delighted to be here with me. I'm taking good care of your daughter." » He said, removing her loosened hair from her neckside to pass his tongue behind her ear.
« Yeah, sure. » she muttered angrily « no way I'm letting you write this. »
« You prefer the more frontal approach ? » he asked snidely « Dear Hajime-kun. Pardon me if my hand is trembling. I'm currently devouring your daughter as I'm writing this letter. Hope to see you soon, Souji. »
« How about the non-approach ? » she muttered again « because you're not writing anything. »
« Yare Yare... You're so mean... » he sighed « You know he used to be my friend before he became your daddy, ne Haru-chan ? »
« I don't care. » she replied harshly « If you only intend to make him mad, I won't let you write in my letter. »
Souji didn't answer and his tongue followed the curve of her neck, making her escape a wanton moan.
« Dear Hajime-kun » he murmured « Haru-chan makes the cutest noises under my tongue. Pardon her if she's unable to finish that letter. »
« That's it. » Haruhi mumbled angrily, putting her brush down « You're impossible. I'll write later. »
Souji chuckled, remorseless, and kept nibbling on her neck, which annoyed her. Yes, she was glad to be with Souji at last but that didn't mean he could just trick her mind and body all the time just to get his way. She shook her head to get rid of that much pleasant tinkling and turned to Souji.
« What do you want, Souji ? » asked Haruhi politely, yet on her guard.
« Nothing. » he smirked « I'm just bored. »
« What did Tsune-san want ? » she asked « Have she brought more sweets to you ? I should maybe hide them in a secure place. There's far too many sweets here. »
« Not that much. » he protested.
« Because you eat them all ! » she scolded.
Souji didn't answer and laid on the tatami, both hands behind his head, lost in thoughts. That unsettled Haruhi. She expected a clever quip from him. Silence wasn't really his thing.
« Souji ? » she asked, still seated at her desk.
« Hum ? Sorry, Haru-chan » he said yawning « I was spacing out. Tsune-san came for the money, as usual. »
Haruhi smiled. Kondou-san would be very proud to see Souji care that much about his family. If he was watching from the afterlife, no doubt he would approve of Souji's choices.
« I think that's admirable, Souji » she smiled, caressing his hair « what you do for Tsune-san and Tama. »
« It's only natural » he muttered « We may live here but the Shieikan belongs to the family of Kondou-san. If we make money out of it, it should return to them. Especially since there is no man to provide for them anymore. »
« I still think it's kind of you. » she stated « You went to search for Kondou-san's family, you provide for them... Not everyone would have done that. »
« Kondou-san cared for me » he said, pushing his head on her hand like a cat asking to be pet, silent prayer that she immediately answered « I'm in his debt. »
« I know. » she smiled, still stroking Souji's hair. She felt like he could start purring any minute.
Souji eventually shooed her hand away and sat up, turning Haruhi's shoulders towards the desk.
« Write your letter. » he ordered « it's important. »
« Okay. » she nodded, taking her brush back in hand.
She resumed writing, looking back over her shoulder a few times to see what Souji was up to but he didn't seem to want to bother her. Instead, he was reading a book on the tatami. She was seeing him read more often now even if it was never for long. He couldn't keep focus on a book the way Chizuru-neechan could, after a while, he always got bored. Yet, this time he kept reading peacefully until she was done. When she put her brush down though, he closed his book and gazed at her.
« Can I read it ? » he asked.
« Why do you care ? » she replied on the defensive.
« I'm just curious. » he shrugged.
Haruhi hesitated for a while but eventually grudgingly gave him her letter.
« Dear Otousan » he started.
« Do you really have to read it out loud ?! » she complained, fearing how her letter would sound ridiculous.
« Shhhh, Haru-chan » scolded Souji before resuming « Dear Otousan, I don't know if you ever replied to my first letter. Unfortunately, we had to quit Oita in a hurry. I travelled with Souji and we are now in Hino. Souji and I have restored Kondou-san's Shieikan and we are living there. Souji even have students and believe me or not but he's not scaring them away. I am very happy there and my skills as a warrior are valued. You will probably be pleased to learn that both Nagakura-san and Toudou-san are alive. They came to celebrate Souji's birthday with us. Nagakura-san has married an Edo woman and they shelter Toudou-san who unfortunately isn't in a very good shape. His Rasetsu nature is catching up on him and his skin cracks like porcelain. I hope this letter finds you well, along with Chizuru-neechan, Ayame and Kaede. I miss all of you very much and I hope to come and visit soon but it'll have to be after New Year's Eve anyway. I love you. Haruhi. »
Souji looked at the letter lengthily and eventually opened his mouth again to comment.
« That letter's a lot better than the previous one. » he smiled genuinely before turning to her « do you really miss them that much ? »
« Of course. » she nodded « they're my family. »
« You know, we could probably go and pay them a visit at some point » he said seriously « I don't see why you don't wanna go before the end of the year. »
« It's a secret. » she smiled and Souji smirked in return.
« A secret ? » he repeated, his eyes burning with interest « I love secrets. What is it ? »
« If I tell you, it isn't a secret anymore ! » she protested.
« Whatever » he chuckled « you suck at secrets anyway. I'll just have to discover that one too. »
Yeah, as if you could discover that you've been dead for almost six years and that you could die at New year's eve if you don't love me. Good luck on finding out about that secret.
« Ne, Souji » she asked « You'd be willing to come ? For real ? »
« Yeah, sure » he smiled snidely « I heard you can't stay with a woman without meeting her parents at some point. »
Haruhi smiled at the thought. Souji was with her. Her. Although he yet never told her he loved her, there was no doubt that he at least had affection for her. She'd like him to say it, just to be sure that she was winning, but Souji was a bashful man when it came to the matters of the heart.
« Souji » she asked, laying on the tatami besides him, hands behind her head like he was minutes ago « have you ever been with a woman before ? »
Souji startled from the question and regained quickly his composure. He chuckled and laid besides her in the same position.
« I suppose you don't mean physically » he commented wryly « even if it doesn't change my answer very much. I've been with one. »
« One ? » she repeated, astonished.
« Yeah » he smiled « told you I wasn't that experienced. I popped my cherry in this very village with the same whore as Hajime. » he laughed « then no one until a woman in Kyoto I've seen for a bit more than a year. I never really frequented Shimabara or Yoshiwara. Prostitutes never were of interest to me like they were to Sano or Shin... even Hajime. I needed something more. I hid that relationship though. You might be the only one who knows. Yamazaki probably knew, that sneaky bastard, but he never spoke about it. »
« Did you love her ? » asked Haruhi.
There wasn't resent or jealousy in her voice, only a genuine curiosity. It was quite rare to have Souji willingly giving informations about himself.
« I dunno » he replied, thinking « she was nice and we saw each other regularly for more than a year but I never questioned anything about my feelings. My life belonged to Kondou-san. I stopped seeing her when I got ill. I couldn't let her see me decay and maybe fall ill with me. » his smile came back and he laid his wry gaze on Haruhi, making her blush only at the sight of it « You're worried about ex girlfriends ? »
« No ! » she protested vehemently « I'm just wondering. You don't talk much about yourself. »
« Should I worry about ex boyfriends ? » he asked wryly, sitting up, supported on his palms.
« No ! » she denied vigorously « You... You are my... first boyfriend, Souji... So... there's no one to worry about. »
Souji smiled genuinely and caught Haruhi in his arms to bring her on his lap as if she didn't weight more than a feather.
« I think I like it » he muttered « everytime you tell me I'm the first at something. Can't wait to be the first to make the fear go away. »
Haruhi didn't answer and let Souji nimble on her neck again. Here she was again, changing from woman to pastry under Souji's ministrations. He was a demanding man and she wasn't going to complain. Feeling indispensable to him was the most marvellous feeling ever. Even if it was still hard for him to enter her, the fear still lingering in her muscles, he was paying extra care to all the other things she liked. She hoped he was right and that one day, she'd be able to enjoy the moment when they were one as much as he was enjoying it. If someone were to succeed to fix her, it had to be Souji because she had more trust in him than in anyone else. He was the only man she ever loved after all.