-18-

It'd been awhile since this one.

Normally her dreams were plagued by fleeting images of the boy on Earth, the voices of those they'd lost, the pain of helplessly watching as the ones she cared about died before her. As terrible and unsettling as those were, the ones of her being spaced were still the worst.

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, head in hand. She wasn't surprised by the nightmare after the day they'd had. Walking across that broken tubing to get to the geth dreadnought, the terror as a piece broke off behind her and she almost lost her footing. When the ship lost gravity as it was blowing up around them. She hadn't had time to deal with the emotions it all stirred up, overpowered by her seething anger at Admiral Gerrel's blood lust for war above all else. Then she got sidetracked by reporting and meetings throughout the evening.

By now she'd grab a datapad and read reports. But Shepard was drained. Barely recovered from stopping the coup on the Citadel, then off to get in the middle of this quarian-geth war. Her accurate prediction of sleepless nights was one she would've gladly taken being wrong on.

She startled at the sudden, warm hand against her back, turning to see Garrus' sleep-filled eyes staring back at her.

"You ok?" he asked, not sounding entirely awake either.

"Yeah," she replied, hoping she sounded more convincing than she felt..

Any hope of him believing her vanished when his eyes became more alert, concern filling them. "Bad dream?"

Shepard knew it was pointless to lie. "Yeah," she said with a sigh, moving resignedly back into bed.

Garrus followed her up, resting beside her and patting the space between his legs. She gladly accepted the silent invitation, the feel of his arms around her and the heat of his body a welcoming, comforting presence.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked as she settled against him, her head finding its way to a comfortable spot between his shoulder and cowl. "I hear that, sometimes, it's good to let these things out."

Her eyes closed as his talons ran up and down her arm, lazily murmuring, "Worried I'll go AWOL and you'll have to run this ship yourself, Vakarian?"

"I'd just make Vega do all the heavy lifting. While I pop in to press the buttons and get all the credit."

She gave a faint smile at that. "I can let you press them all next mission, if you want."

"Thanks, but you seem to have that part down pretty well already. Hate to break routine." He gave her waist a squeeze. "There were a lot of them today."

The dark weight of the nightmare pressed back down, hoping to break through. "Yeah. There were."

Shepard nuzzled her head against the crook of his neck, savoring his naturally warmer hide and the soothing effect it had on her. Garrus' hand journeyed to her back, rubbing it slowly over tank and skin, talons lightly scratching as he went along. She focused on that rather than the flashing memory of floating through space, the fiery explosion of her beloved ship as it hurled her uncontrollably towards the planet below, the sharpness in her lungs as they were denied the oxygen so desperately needed...

She'd never talked about it, not in any serious way. The only time she ever had in any detail was while she was sharing drinks with Dr. Chakwas, drunk off her ass. It was like Mindoir and Akuze. Acknowledge it happened, deal with the pain in the immediate aftermath, then make every effort not to think too hard about it again.

Really, who wants to think back on that one time they died?

Yet there she was, the words escaping her in a soft breath, easily heard in the still room. "That tube..looked just like the Normandy CIC…"

She paused, waiting to see if Garrus replied. He merely rested his head above hers, arms tightening to hold her closer. Letting her know that he was there. Like always.

"I loved looking at the stars, even as a kid," Shepard admitted. "Back in Vancouver, the Alliance actually put me in a room with a large window, straight shot view of the mountains…took me months til I could stare at the night sky for any length of time."

One of his mandibles nuzzled against her hair. "I'm sorry, Jane."

She wrapped an arm around his waist, giving it a squeeze of her own. "I'll be ok."

For once, she didn't feel like they were reflexive words at the ready, said out of the habit as the one in charge. As long as he was there, she could believe it.

Her ears then picked up the stifled yawn, followed by a noticeable slowing of his talons. Shepard still wasn't sure she could go to sleep, but she didn't want to keep Garrus up if he was tired. Good sleep was in short supply for everyone, not just her. But she knew he'd still try and stay up for her sake

"Lay back down with me?"

If Garrus noticed what she was doing, he didn't call her on it. Or he was getting too sleepy to notice. They lowered themselves onto the bed, facing each other instead of their usual spooning. Shepard couldn't resist brushing her lips gently against his as he settled with an arm around her waist.

"What's that for?" he asked, Shepard faintly picking up on the pleased subvocal.

She wanted to say, for everything. For believing in her when so many questioned her, for being a partner on and off the battlefield she could turn to.

For being the man she fell in love with.

Shepard could easily say all of those things now, but she wanted him to hear them when he wasn't fighting sleep. The moment would come, and if there was one thing the events of that day reinforced, was for it to be sooner rather than later.

But for now, Shepard said, "For today. Know it was hard on you, too."

"And here I thought it was all for my irresistible good looks and charm."

She laughed, planting another quick kiss, this time on his mandible, and pressing her forehead to his, feeling lighter for the first time since waking. "A perk."