Chapter 18

Zoisite laid in his bed for quite some time, thinking about all that was said. He knew things may be difficult for all of them with the girls, but hadn't quite expected things to be so difficult between him, and his friends. He hoped that some of the logic he interjected would help, but only time would tell. He was surprised at the level of anger Jad felt towards Kunzite though. Kunzite may be the strongest of the 4 of them, but he wasn't completely immune to weakness.

It also bothered him that Minako, the goddess of love, had been so harsh. Minako had never been like that in the past. He expected her to harbor some anger, but to that extent, surprised him. That wasn't the girl he remembered. It angered him a bit that she cut so deeply into Kunzite the way she had. A part of him wanted to try to fix it for Kunzite, but Jadeite was right. They all had their own relationships to work out.

With that thought, he texted Ami. He felt the need to speak to her. Maybe he could talk to her about tonight's conversation. Maybe she could help work it out more in his mind. They had been doing a lot of texting the last few days. He hadn't seen her, but he felt they were building something any way.

Good evening Ami.

Hello Zoisite. I hope you've had a good evening.

It started out with reading a textbook for one of my computer courses. It really is fascinating. I may have to go get myself a computer to try out what is being covered in the text.

That is a sound idea. It is always a nice feeling to test out what you are learning. Even more so when you expand your own learning, and test your own theories.

This is true. I am looking forward to doing such. What has this evening brought for you?

I had a lively conversation with my mother over dinner on the different fields of medicine. We had a lengthy conversation about cancer, actually. I much enjoyed it.

Always a good thing. What are your mother's thoughts on your considering oncology as your field of practice.

She feels that it would be a good field for me as it is always advancing. She feels that the patients I treat may inspire me to do my own research on treatments, advancements, and cures. She feels I would go far.

Parental support is always a plus. I must say I agree with her. Your desire to expand your knowledge, create your own theories, and research, will serve you well.

Thank you. Tell me about the rest of your evening.

I wish I could say it went well, but it did not.

What happened?

The guys and I got into a lengthy discussion on the past, and what happened. There is a great deal of anger towards each other, as well as guilt for our own actions. Some with a lot of self blame.

Oh dear. I mean some can be expected because it can be hard to accept that the actions of your own, were not actions you controlled or carried out of your own free will. When you see your own hands preform such actions it is not the circumstances or outside forces you see, it's your own hands.

I guess you could be right, but it doesn't make things any easier.

Not for a time, it may not. All of you experienced a great trauma, that effected, and took from you all. That trauma made worse by the fact that it was by your own hands. What you all must try to remember is that you were thoroughly controlled by another. In a sense you all became robots that two evil beings had the remote controls for.

But we hurt a great many people, especially those that meant the most to us, including each other. We should have at least felt the bonds.

Maybe, but can I explain something to you?

Of course.

My main purpose as a senshi, is not to attack, but to scan, and analyze our enemy. Look for their weakness so we can defeat them.

Ok?

This gave me the opportunity to scan the those possessed by evil from the Dark Kingdom. During the time that the seven deadly monsters were being awakened within their human hosts I was able to get a clearer picture of what was done to make this happen.

Alright?

When the evil energy seeped into the person, it attacked the brain with the main focus being memory retention, and emotional attachments or bonds. I saw it clearly with Rei's grandfather. In essence what was happening is that the evil energy was attacking those sections of the brain, enveloping them, and essentially cutting them off. Basically shutting off those parts of the brain, or making the neuro pathways to them nonexistent. What was left in their place were elaborate illusions, as well as zeroing in on negative feelings, and thoughts. Making those the only things felt or remembered.

Really?

Yes. The evil energy was able to seem to completely eliminate any and all feelings of love, caring, or bonds of any kind. It was also able to seemingly erase any memories of a positive nature. None of you could remember or feel any of the love, bond, or memories because it was essentially erased from existence.

I never considered that. It does make a great deal of sense.

I know it will take time, but eventually, I am sure, you all will move past what you are feeling.

I certainly hope so. I hate seeing my friends, my brothers in such a state, and logic only goes so far with them.

As is the way for most. Also remember logic only goes so far where emotions are concerned. More often than not, time, personal forgiveness, and healing are what put those feelings to rest.

This is true. I believe self forgiveness will be the hardest part for us all. Some more than others though.

Which is completely understandable considering the actions forced upon you all. As well as the personalities of some.

True. What makes it worse for me, is even with logic on my side, I am unable to find a way to help them.

Yes. I know that feeling well. That is Usa's area of expertise. She has always been the most forgiving, and the most able to help others forgive themselves. She would gladly help.

And there is lies another problem. As we all acted against her, our guilt may keep us from turning to her.

You have a great deal to learn about Usa. I cannot tell you how many enemies Usa turned into friends. That includes a man who tried to use his powers to force himself on her. Many of our enemies over the years didn't fall in death. They fell in love with Usa and her loving, forgiving heart. Our most difficult enemy, whom killed us all, Mamoru included, by stealing our Star Seeds, Usa defeated, not by killing her, but by releasing Chaos, which had been harbored in her own body for ages. She then forgave the woman, and told her how to make it right.

Wow! Usagi did that?

She did. Only 7 of our enemies ever fell to death, and only three at Usagi's hands. Metalia, Kunzite when she reflected his boom a rang back at him, and an enemy known as Death Phantom. Beryl was killed by Mamoru, and Master Pharoh 90 was killed by Sailor Saturn. Death Phantom killed Sapphire, and Prince Diamond.

Actually it would be 10 total, if you want to consider us. Beryl killed Jadeite, and myself. I killed Nephrite.

But can you really consider yourselves dead when you were slumbering in your soul stones?

I guess not. How did you know about those?

I asked Mamoru how he and Usa found you all to bring you back. Mamoru told me about him carrying around your soul stones since the Dark Kingdom fell.

Ah. It would make sense for you to want to know the how.

Of course. Well I hope I have helped some. I need to get some sleep now. I am volunteering at the hospital tomorrow.

You have. Thank you. Rest well my lady. Good night.

Good night.

Zoisite set his phone down, and thought on all Ami had said. She made a lot of sense, and had helped him sort some of what he was feeling, and thinking out. He decided to pull out the leather bound journal he purchased, and began to write. He spent hours writing out his thoughts, feelings, and even memories of his time as an agent of the Dark Kingdom. By the time he stopped his hand was cramped, but he found he felt better.