Hizashi was nervously pacing up and down the hospital alley. He had picked Shinso up as soon as he got the call from the police. And now the boy was sitting with his head in between his hands in an uneasy and fearful silence.
They had managed to save the little girl and she was now resting in a bed in another ward of the hospital. Luckily no students got harmed during the rescuing. But that had gotten a price. One of the teachers had sacrificed himself. He had shielded Denki Kaminari from a villain. He had got his attack full force with the electric boy unable to do anything to help him. He had turned only to see if his student was safe and then he had fainted.
They had urged him to the hospital. He wasn't breathing, he had lost a lot of blood, too much blood, and he had withstood a blow that had broken many of his bones.
And now here they were, waiting for a doctor to come to them and say something, anything at all. He was getting an emergency surgery. The doctors were doing their best, but they had already told them that that was possibly going to be the end of Eraserhead and of Aizawa Shouta.
Mic went sitting next to his son, placed a hand on his back in a loving gesture and tried to give him a smile of encouragement. He didn't have any appropriate words for him right now. His husband was undergoing a delicate operation and he was honestly terrified.
Hitoshi sniffled, dried his tears with the back of his hand and rested his head on Hizashi's shoulder: "Dad. You shouldn't worry. When I was little, I used to follow all of the available ordeals of the hero Eraserhead. And you know what? He never lost. He was the strongest hero of them all. This is just another one of his ordeals. He's going to be fine, like always".
"Mr… Yamada? You are Mr. Aizawa's husband, is this correct?" a nurse called his name.
"Yes, it's me, it's correct" he quickly got up from his chair.
"We have both good and bad news. Your husband is alive, the operation saved him. Sadly, he's not awake. He's in a coma. We don't know when and if he's going to wake up. I am so sorry Mr. Yamada. If you'd like to visit him, you can go" he tried to be as gentle as possible in breaking the news to him.
"I want to come too" Hitoshi urgently said.
"I'm sorry. Are you a student? Only relatives are allowed" the nurse tried to stop him.
"He's our son. He's legally adopted" Mic said leaning on his kid's shoulder. He felt like the world was crumbling down on him. His world was surely doing that. And his son presence was reassuring. He knew that he was the adult and the parent and he probably was supposed to be the anchorage for his son and not the other way around, but in that moment, he needed his kid to be there for him more than anything.
"Hi dad" Hitoshi greeted entering the room.
Aizawa was laying motionless in the hospital bed. He was half covered by a blanket and his head was resting on a light blue pillow. His body was covered in white bandages.
"Hey Shou… look at you, you remind me of Toshi when he was at the hospital. Now it's our turn to take care of you" Hizashi continued while sitting on his husband's bed. He took one of his motionless hand into his own and Hitoshi got the other.
"You cannot let me win this, dad. I went out of the hospital in just one week. You need to beat my record" he smiled sadly. He was worried. And he was torn. He was glad that his boyfriend was safe, and he knew that Denki was alive only because of his father readiness and bravery. He had launched himself in front of Kaminari and had taken the blow in his place. That meant that Hitoshi had an alive boyfriend and a father with his life in danger. He couldn't choose what was better. He was tormented by that simple question. Who would have been better to lose? His father or his boyfriend? What if Aizawa hadn't shielded Denki? He knew that he hadn't done that only because he was Denki. He would have protected any of his students, Mineta included. That was his job as a teacher and pro hero. Protect people, protect his students. And he had done exactly that, leaving his son and his husband with an immense pain.
"You were so brave Shou. I love you so much, but I still need you. We have a son together. You cannot leave us alone without you. I was ready, you know? I've always knew that sooner or later one of us was going to die. It's the risk that we have chosen when we decided to become heroes. I thought I was ready, but the truth is that I am not. I've always hoped it was going to be me before you. We used to be careless, but now we have one reason more to survive. You cannot leave him. You've promised him to always be there for him. Therefore, you cannot die" Hizashi was silently crying while speaking.
"Dad. Don't cry" Hitoshi begged with his voice broken. He got up and reached his suffering father. He let the blond man to lean his head on his shoulder and he hugged him. Now it was his turn to comfort his father. He had always been there for him when he had needed him. He had comforted him during nightmares and sad moments, he was always ready to cuddle him and to hug him. And now it was his time to repay the favour.
"Baby, I'm really glad that I have you. You're the best son ever" he said hugging his kid and for once relying on him.
Hizashi was trying to reach his bedroom without collapsing when he heard muffled cries coming from his son's room. They had tried to convince the nurse to let them stay all night, but he had managed to kindly convince them that Shouta was going nowhere. It was better for them to rest at home and then maybe coming back the day after.
"Baby?" he asked knocking. He only heard his son whimpering.
"Toshi, love? Are you okay?" he asked again. He received another painful whimper in response.
"Can I please come in?" he asked worriedly. He dared to slightly open the door even if he had received no permission.
"Oi, baby, what's happening?" he felt something crushing his heart. It was with quite a pang that he witnessed his son bowling his eyes out on the pillow that he was clinging onto for dear life. He was trying to muffle the sounds of his sorrow by squashing the cushion onto his face and biting at it with his teeth. He was shaking hard and his neck was covered in blood and scratches and so were his fingers.
He grimaced with pain and rushed toward the boy: "Oh my god. Toshi? Please answer me, love. Can you hear me?" the boy didn't move.
He placed a hand onto the trembling figure and shook him tenderly. His t-shirt was drenched in cold sweat and it was stained with blood. "Baby?" he tried again keeping his voice low.
"Wait here a bit, I'm going to take some medication and a clean shirt for you" he rushed toward the kitchen and put some water into a teapot over the stove, while the tea was brewing, he took disinfectant and bandages and some dry clothes.
"Toshi, please. Are you dissociating? Come back to me, love" he begged stroking the kid's hair with one hand and carefully restraining his son's arms without hurting him with the other. He couldn't allow the boy to hurt himself.
"I want Shouta back home" he managed to stutter between a sob and the other.
"Ohw baby. He's going to come home soon, you'll see" Hizashi had to make an incredible effort not to cry.
"I want him to wake up. He's my dad, I don't want to lose him" he cried.
"I know, love. I know" Hizashi tried to be as reassuring as possible moving his thumbs up and down over his son's sweated back.
"Here, do you feel like getting up a bit? Only with your back, try to sit. Let me take care of those scratches, they're bleeding a bit too much" he said while gently helping the boy to raise. Hitoshi released his grip on the pillow. His eyes were swollen and red and he was a mess. Hizashi handed him the cup of tea and gently started to rub some alcohol on the wounds. He was trying to be as delicate as possible, the last thing he wanted right now was to make his child to feel more pain than he was already experiencing.
"Zashi, are you angry with me?" Hitoshi asked sniffling and with a panicked voice.
"What? No, of course not. What are you talking about? Why should I be angry with you?" Hizashi was sincerely perplexed. Why on heart was his son convinced that he should be mad at him?
"Because my boyfriend is safe and sound, and yours isn't" he flinched hard when Hizashi bandaged his injured neck. He couldn't stop himself from sobbing.
"Honey, I am just very, very happy that Denki is safe and sound. I'm happy for him, I'm happy for you and I'm happy because I'm a teacher and he is one of my students. Shouta did his job in protecting him, no matter who he was" Hizashi stroked his son's cheek lovingly.
"I don't want my dad to die, I don't want to." the purple boy wept. He felt like he was choking on his own tears. His distress had never been higher. He felt a bad spasm at his stomach and run toward the bathroom. He threw up everything he had eaten. It seemed to him like he was taking out everything he had ever eaten in his entire life. He felt wasted, shattered and empty. He couldn't stop crying and all he wanted to do was to scream his pain.
He didn't want to lose his mentor, his role model, his hero and his dad. Because Aizawa was all those things to him. He was his mentor because he had taken him under his wing and had made it his mission to help him to get into the hero course. His role model because they had similar quirks and Hitoshi wanted to be just like him. His hero because he had idolized him since he was a little kid and knowing that somewhere there was a hero with a mental quirk had always made him feel better when everyone bullied him for his own quirk. And finally his dad, because he had welcomed him in his home and into his private life, he had protected him from his abusive parent, he had mended his wounds, both physical and moral, and he had treated him like he was his own son, and he indeed felt like he really was. And now, he didn't want to lose him. He had already lost too much in his life. His mother had died, his biological father had been abusive and he didn't want Aizawa to leave him too.
"Baby?" Hizashi shook him from his thought. He knelt next to him and worriedly patted his back and stroked it gently. He pulled his purple hair back, away from his forehead and with the edge of his shirt he dried some drops of sweat.
"Let's go back to bed, kay?" Hizashi helped his kid on his feet and walked him back to his bedroom. He handed him the clean t-shirt he had already taken out of the drawer and waited for the boy to change his clothes.
He patiently waited for his son to lay down and he laid next to him. Hizashi half seated with his back resting on a pillow and Hitoshi was laying restlessly in his arms.
"I'm sorry, I'm very sorry" the boy sobbed clenching the older man shirt in his fists.
"It's okay, you have nothing to be sorry for" Hizashi soothed him with a lot of delicate words and cuddles.
"It's your husband who is in life danger. You're worried and sad and wasted too but you're taking care of me. I'm sorry if I am such a burden sometimes".
"You can be so stupid sometime, Toshi. I am strong because I have you here, I am worried, sad and wasted indeed, but you're not a burden, you're a relief. If I was alone, I'd be much more worried, sadder and more wasted. I'm glad I'm not alone".
Hitoshi cuddled tighter up against Hizashi's body and the man gladly welcome him.
"Now, listen to my voice. Close your eyes, like that, good" he said with a soothing and monotone voice while slightly stroking Hitoshi's eyelid.
"It's going to be okay, love. We're going to be fine. Remember that no matter what, you're my son and I love you, it doesn't matter what happens, I am going to take care of you nonetheless. BUT nothing bad is going to happen, I sure about it" Hizashi was now caressing the kid's hair and back with slow and regular movement.
"Dad?" he was still sobbing, but he was slowly calming down.
"Yes baby?"
"Can you stay here with me until I fall asleep? Can you maybe sing me that lullaby? The one that you sang me on the couch when I had my first bad nightmare" Hitoshi was a bit embarrassed for his requests but his need of comfort was higher than his shame.
Hizashi smiled softly and placed an affectionate kiss over his son's head. Thank god music was his gift.
"Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed"
Hizashi slowly started with a low and comforting tone.
"Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go"
He played a bit with his son hair and was relieved to hear his sobs to slow down.
"Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore"
Hitoshi wasn't sobbing anymore. Only sniffling a little.
"Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore"
The boy closed his eyes tiredly and coddled up more. He rested his head on his father's chest and let the last of his tears to just fall on the man shirt.
"Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go"
He finally fell asleep.
"There is another world
There is a perfect world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be"
Hizashi kissed his son goodnight.
He had planned to go back to his bed as soon as his son was sleeping, but, in reality, he didn't want to let go of him. He was acting strong, he needed to be strong for Hitoshi, but he was worried and in pain too. Shouta was Hitoshi's dad, but he was also his husband and he wasn't ready to lose him yet. He hugged the boy tighter and rested his chin over his head. He was a consolation. He didn't want to sleep alone that night either. Being alone in the room that he shared with his husband, without him, would have killed him. He closed his eyes and squeezed his son more, if that was possible.
He laid down a bit better, careful of not waking his kid.
He decided that Hitoshi wouldn't have minded it if he slept in his bad too that night.
He kissed him one last time in between his hair and fell into a restless sleep.
The demons of the life of a hero tormenting him.
_NOTES_
Hi! First things first: I'm assuming that everyone in the world knows the song that I used in this chapter but I'm almost 24 years old and I feel as old as ever. So, that was Asleep by The Smiths. If you don't know it, I highly recommend to check it out! It's great!
watch?v=5mF4pKSi2SU
This chapter was a bit sad and the fault was all of the song! I was listening to it and it is one of those songs that can immediately bring a strong feeling to me. In case you were wondering it's sadness and a bit of anguish!
ANYWAY! I really hope you liked this chapter, I really do!
See you soon!
Love,
Korasan_