Chapter 19

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In the end he didn't talk to Josh.

Or Lucas.

Or Grace.

Or even his mom.

He stood on the porch of the large white house, his hands deep in his pockets as his mind raced. Thoughts about running off again tumbling over thoughts about how important it was to talk. To talk to someone and have this over with without even giving pride the chance to keep him from making this lifechanging decision.

"Caleb?" The surprise in Jonas's voice was unmistakeable.

"Yeah, hi, can I come in?" Caleb cleared his throat and shoved his hands even deeper into the pockets of his coat. The biting wind made his eyes tear up and by now he was wishing he hadn't forgotten his hat.

"Sure," Jonas stood to the side. "Lucas isn't here."

Caleb couldn't remember ever having been here when Lucas wasn't around. In fact, he hadn't even spoken to Jonas since a few months before Cameron's funeral. But, hey, things had changed since then, hadn't they? By now Caleb knew that, not only had his sister been born on another planet, but a man he'd known all his life hadn't even been a citizen of Earth until about twenty years ago. But somehow it seemed rude to point that out right now. "Yes, I came to talk to you if that's okay?"

Jonas's eyebrows rose up slightly and Caleb could see that the older man with the receding hairline and laugh lines on his face thought for a second about calling Caleb's parents. Jonas and Alex were really close. They weren't just work buddies, but friends even outside work. In his teens Caleb had sometimes wondered if there was more between the two of them. "Sure."

The house was slightly bigger than the one of his parents, but with a less open floorplan. There wasn't much of a foyer, but a long straight corridor decorated with dozens of family photos leading straight into the kitchen with a staircase up to the second floor. To their right was the large living room with the mismatched furniture Caleb remembered.

"Who is it?" Amanda's voice came from the kitchen.

"Hi, Amanda!" Caleb called towards the half-closed door through the dining area. Amanda Quinn was a nurse and, Caleb knew that now, had been on Atlantis as well. Really, it seemed like everyone he'd known all his life was somehow involved in this thing.

"Caleb?" She opened the door and the way she was cocking her head, made Caleb think of Lucas. Her son had inherited the dark complexion and the shape of her eyes. The lips though were all Jonas. "Yeah, hi," he took a deep breath and shook his head. "Listen, do you have a couple of minutes, Jonas? My- my dad kind of offered me a job at the SGC."

Jonas's eyes widened for a moment as a realized what was going on here. "Why are you here then?" he asked, asking Caleb to sit down on the sofa with a wave of his hand.

"I'm gonna make some tea," Amanda called again and Caleb closed his eyes.

"I-" he hesitated. "I need to talk to someone about this. Someone who's not in my family and who didn't grow up with me and, to be fair, there aren't a whole lot of people like that."

The ghost of a smile flickered on Jonas's face as he sat down opposite Caleb, the glass coffee table between them while Amanda put on the kettle a few metres away. "So, what d'you want to know?"

And here he was now. Caleb wanted to know so much, and Jonas had been open enough, but, truth be told, Caleb had mentally resigned his position at the University of Chicago already. Really, who could possibly turn up an opportunity like that. In a way he was glad he hadn't given in to pride and followed his mother's footsteps despite everything. His colleagues had been less than thrilled when they learned he'd be working for the Air Force from now on, but, in the end, he figured that didn't matter as much. He had deeper roots in Colorado Springs than anywhere else. And from now on, aside from the fact that the work he was supposed to start doing now was far more exciting than anything he'd ever come across, he'd could be more honest with his family than ever before. And wasn't that almost worth it?

Barely two days after having started his training with Captain Burris, he had already been assigned to a team temporarily and was sitting on the edge of a vast circular room on an alien planet. The idea was strange enough. To actually be here was ridiculous to say the least.

"Half the amount of our yearly yield is too much," one of the representatives of Langara and Larsa said and Caleb threw a look at Lucas, who was sitting a few feet away from him with Grace. Their team leader, Madison Miller, was sitting at the oval table which had been hap-hazardously placed into the hall. All of the houses here on Larsa, as far as Caleb could tell, were square half-timbered structures, much like the ones you could find in open-air museums all over Europe. On their trip to Germany, his parents had dragged him and Grace to one of them, and he'd been amazed at the well-preserved structures, but something seemed off. The smell was missing. There had been too much light in them. Now, these buildings here, looked like they were still in use. And he didn't even want to think about what his parents had done here to survive. Somehow it was easier to imagine his mother shooting a gun than toiling in the fields.

Well… the fact that these houses looked more authentic shouldn't have come as a surprise, and he secretly scolded himself for the thought. The people of Larsa actually lived in these buildings, didn't they? The contact with the people from other planets, namely Langara and Earth had brought some technological development, but all in all, this society was still one of farmers and miners. The thought alone…

"We are offering the protection of your world and manpower when needed."

Cuthbert, the leader of this settlement, pulled a face. "As you know, our population has grown, and we don't have the manpower to establish a completely new settlement on Langara," he threw a cautious look at Jonas who was sitting next to him, his hands folded on the table, "but we want to-"

"Yes, well," the Jaffa representative, interrupted him, making Caleb's insides churn. He wasn't entirely sure how much he liked this guy. He went by the name of Harak, and the golden symbol on his forehead indicated that he had been First Prime to one of the Goa'uld which had reigned over a large part of the galaxy until roughly thirty years ago. Harak frowned at Cuthbert and even from several feet away Caleb got the sense that his words weren't going to sit well with the other five people from the Larsan Council. "You want a mining outpost, we want some of the spoils in return for our assistance. Since the Tau'ri seem unfit to provide it, we see it is our duty to step in."

Caleb squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. What an arrogant jerk!

"We had better take a short recess," Teal'c said. Caleb had seen him occasionally before this, but to know that he wasn't just an alien, but also the leader of an alien nation, had come as a massive surprise. Tall with short grey hair, he looked completely out of place in his long, grey robes. Maybe because Caleb had never seen him in anything but Earth clothes.

Earth clothes.

The concept alone was strange although he'd had plenty of time to adjust his thought patterns to it. It might take him a bit longer still. He really should bring it up in his next talk with Josh. If we ever got off this rock.

He smiled to himself. This rock. At least he was starting to use sci-fi terminology in his thoughts.

His throat grew tight and he sat bolt upright when Lucas patted Grace's shoulder and slowly made his way towards him. Almost hesitant. Like he didn't know what to expect from a talk with him.

"So, what do you think?"

Caleb looked towards the centre of the room, where Jonas, Miller, Ferretti and Hernandez, the leader of Caleb's temporary team, were talking in low voices with Teal'c and Rya'c, Teal'c's son. "I don't know," Caleb said, as Grace got up as well to head towards the exit of the vast, windowless room. "It's all a bit much, you know?"

"You're telling me. At least when you signed up, you didn't learn that you're half-alien." Lucas's smile was as dazzling as ever and, at least at this moment, Caleb was more than confident that he knew what this strange pulling sensation deep in his stomach was.

He wiped his hands on his pants and forced a smile. "No, you're right." What was this even? Yes, he'd known Lucas all his life. Yes, Lucas was terribly attractive, but what else was there?

"So, your thoughts on this meeting?"

"I don't know…" Caleb said hesitantly. There hadn't been anyone else sitting near him or the other team members. It was like the people from Earth were a bit of an oddity around here. "Is it normal that the Jaffa are so… I don't know." The fact was, he couldn't find a polite word to describe the pompousness of the Jaffa representative.

"You mean Harak? Yeah, he's an ass," he lowered his voice and leaned in a bit. Not that they could be overheard by anyone, but he seemed to want to make sure. "He was First Prime of Apophis and we all thought he died in the battle over Antarctica."

"So…"

"So he must have gotten off Anubis's mothership before it was blown to bits, and when the Jaffa Nation rose to real power, he quickly rose in their ranks. I guess he has a kind of commanding authority?"

Caleb scoffed. "More like an ass authority." He quickly bit his lip, but Lucas just laughed.

"This is your first time off-world, right?"

"Yeah," Caleb said with a short nod. "Should've listened to my dad and exhaled before stepping through."

With a soft chuckle, Lucas got to his feet. "I didn't listen to that advice first time around either. Had a hiccup for the first couple of hours." He grinned down at Caleb. "Wanna take a look around?"

The town hall was located in the middle of a village on the south side of a vast valley, roughly three kilometres from the Stargate. The village itself was surrounded by a forest, which crept up from the centre of the valley and up the slopes of the mountains encircling the it. As far as Caleb knew, the villagers, both Larsans and Langarans, mined naquadah besides farming, trading with various other worlds, including Earth. It wasn't exactly a rich community, but it had seemingly thrived with the help of the Langarans and Earth. Yes, it was still a rural community, with chickens running everywhere and in which nearly every household owned at least one cow, but there were signs of a more modern civilization as well. There were several naquadah generators stored in one of the buildings on the outskirts, providing electricity for the village. There even appeared to be some sort of intricate plumbing system in place, at least from what he could gather from the water fountains on either side of the entrance leading into the town hall.

It wasn't a terrible place, was it? Almost like a cross between a medieval and a post-industrialist society. It was weird, but weird was probably something he had to get used to. He looked around at the road leading down into the centre of the valley, but that road was mostly overgrown by now.

And there it was.

That itch to follow that path. To find out what had happened to make these people want to forget about the place it was leading towards. The fact that he only had to ask these people was a bit strange, but he would have loved to go exploring anyway.

No, this had probably been the right decision.

"Hey!" Grace called to him. She was standing somewhat to the side, talking to Cuthbert. Jonas was standing next to them as well and Caleb could feel Lucas shift uncomfortably.

"You don't like being off-world with your old man either, do you?"

"No… parents at work suck."

Caleb scoffed. To be fair, he'd known what he was getting himself into, and outside of that one time, the one where he'd signed his contract, he hadn't seen his father at the SGC yet. But things would quickly change when they had to attend the debriefing of this mission the next day. Well, that would be weird. Not only because his sister would be there, but his dad and the guy who had talked him into joining the SGC as well.

Jonas grinned widely at them when he and Lucas approached. "Hey, you two," he said just as Lucas' arm brushed Caleb's.

Caleb quickly shoved his hands into his pockets, pretending he hadn't felt the sudden jolt at the touch. He only wished this was more confusing than it was. At least he'd be dead certain then.

"You're Evan's son, are you not?" Cuthbert asked, the smile reaching his light blue eyes. The question took Caleb somewhat by surprise. He rarely met someone who called his father by his first name like this. Most people called him by his rank or last name.

"Yeah?" Caleb said hesitantly, throwing a glance at Grace.

Cuthbert nodded once. "Come on, I would like to show you and your sister something."

Jonas smiled slightly, then looked over his shoulder at a group of people around his own age standing in a huddle on the other side of the town square. "Lucas?"

With a heavy sigh, Lucas nodded, clapped Caleb on the shoulder and moved with his father towards the group, where Jonas' people must be waiting for them. Caleb's gaze followed them, lingering on the broad shoulders of his friend, and only just managing to pull himself away, when Grace elbowed him in the side.

With a shrug, he smiled down at her and nodded at Cuthbert. Wasn't he supposed to be preoccupied with the negotiations right now? "Their home has been abandoned ever since they left, but I thought you'd like to see?"

Caleb almost stumbled over his feet. "Their… what?"

Grace had gone pale at the word and she reached for his arm. As he looked down at her he saw that she was just as shocked as he was. Yes, they both knew what had happened here, even Caleb had read the full report by now, but somehow he hadn't thought he'd be confronted with it all.

"Well…" Cuthbert said quietly, rubbing the back of his head and shrugging, "after what happened when Ba'al reclaimed this world, nobody wanted to live in their house, so it looks abandoned and the roof is not what it once was, but I thought you would like to see?"

She wasn't watching the television. She hadn't been since they sat down. She hadn't eaten much either and all the while Evan pretended he didn't notice.

Caleb had been, almost ironically, been assigned to SG-11 temporarily and was now on Larsa. With Jonas and SG-8 and Teal'c. There would be negotiations which would last at least until the day after next and then there would be even more talks. Caleb had been sent along to learn. Not just in training around the facility but on the job as well. On a simple and relatively safe mission such as this one, this was standard by now.

But Alex was still worried. Evan could see it. She got up, bent low over Winnie and kissed his head, her book still in her hand. It was an ancient, dog-eared copy of Little Women. She'd read it for the first time when Caleb had to read it in school, very late for her standards, and she'd devoured it before Caleb, giving their son incentive to pull through three days later.

"Are you going up?"

"Yes, I can't concentrate anyway."

He nodded. When he got home from work, Alex was usually already home. The same had held true for today, but she'd been so on edge that they had gone for a run. That had been four hours ago, and she clearly wasn't relaxed yet. "D'you wanna talk about it?"

Her eyes flickered to his. They had made a promise at the beginning of their marriage to talk, instead of swallowing whatever was bothering them. She bit her lip and let herself fall down on the couch again. Winnie put his head on her lap. As usual the dog was seated right between them.

Evan reached out to her and brushed his fingertips over her neck. Her skin was soft and warm. "He'll be fine."

She nodded. Statistically speaking, it was more than likely that Caleb would come back unharmed. That Grace would be back okay. "I know," she breathed, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch. "But…"

"Yeah… about that but," he said, all humour gone from his voice. Unceremoniously he picked up the dog, who protested with a deep-throated grunt as Evan placed him on his right so he could move closer to Alex. Immediately, she wrapped her arms around him, her head against his chest. Once, she'd told him that she liked listening to his heart beating. That it made her feel safer than anything ever could. He knew there was even more to it. That damn heart of his was only beating because she was in his life. It was almost like she was making sure he was still there.

Carefully, he pulled her even closer with his left arm and kissed the top of her head. The TV rumbled on in front of them. It was just a silly period thing with a predictable plot set in a Canadian mining town. Usually that sort of thing was a good distraction. Not today.

"When Grace went off-world for the first time you were worried just like this," he said quietly and she nodded. He could feel the movement against his chest.

"Yes, but now they're both out there… and I wish I didn't hate it."

He was almost expecting an accusation hidden behind those words, but he couldn't make out the tone of voice that would suggest it. Her voice remained level. But he also knew that if something were to happen, that accusation would surely come. Not only aimed at him, but also at herself. For telling them. For allowing them to find out. For not making Grace chose a different career path.

"He's not even fully trained."

"No, but everyone else on this mission is… and, to be fair, I'd rather have him off-world than near a warzone her on Earth digging up ancient tombs."

Alex sighed exasperatedly, her breath going through the thick fabric of his shirt. "That's not a great comfort, you know?"

"Yes, I do."

"Should we have gone?" The words hung in the air for a moment. "It being Larsa and all…"

"Right. And ruin all those years of holding back and finally embarrassing our kids. Sure." The obvious didn't need to be said. That they'd sworn not to let what had happened with Nora influence how they raised their children. That Caleb and Grace would have stopped talking to them if they did. That this wasn't about them as a family, but about the Langaran and Larsan people.

He gently brushed his hand through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"Maybe we can go back some other time…"

"Hm," he grumbled. "Let's go to bed, huh? They'll be back before you know it." But the knot in the pit of his stomach was still there. It was no use pretending he didn't care about this. He did. And he was just as terrified as she was. But if there was one thing he'd learned the hard way it was that you couldn't protect your children. Not always. Even if you wanted to.

A/N: Sorry this took so long! Work was super intense last week and this chapter wasn't easy to write. I really had to edit quite a bit. I hope you still like it!