Thank you a million to Mrs Carmichael, fayeftvanity, RachelMasonFan39, hannah5240, LitteH12 and deppsterr for your lovely reviews, they really are so wonderful to receive. I hope you all like this one! x

It's odd, the next morning. Rachel hadn't quite realised the extent of how this had been weighing down on her. Od how big of a secret this had been, how it had sat between them without her even recognising it. And now it was in the open, like a chasm, and she was somehow raw and empty and full all at the same time.

She was up before Eddie the next morning, slipping out of bed in the early morning light, not all that long after they'd finally gone to sleep. It was a day for cosy jumpers and fluffy socks, and hands wrapped around steaming mugs as she stared out across the garden from her seat at the island. She could only do the latter part, instead slipping into her favourite blouse, her comfiest boots. As close to comfy clothes as she could get when she had to go to work.

She felt odd, apprehensive and unsettled. Relieved Eddie knew, still wishing he didn't. Antsy and oddly calm all at the same time.

She heard Eddie before he actually appeared, moving around somewhere above before his footsteps on the stairs, coming closer until his hands were on her shoulders, bending down from behind to brush his lips against her forehead. She gave him a half-smile, but it was unreturned and it was without a word that he moved away to make himself a coffee, joining her at the table with his gaze already fixed out the window. Rachel bowed her head, and said nothing.

They sat in silence, Rachel rising when she'd finished her drink to make them both toast, handing Eddie's over but taking her own upstairs to get ready, pretending her throat wasn't choked, her fingers not weak. That almost unnatural quiet remained long after they had climbed into the car, Eddie dropping Rachel off thanks to Kim's lift the night before. Since he needed to then drive across town, it was still early enough that no one else was around, the grounds deserted. Before she opened the door, Rachel slid her fingers over his wrist to gain his attention, waiting for him to turn his attention to her. "Are we okay?"

For a moment, he didn't respond. Until he blinked, and nodded. "Of course."

Rachel felt her heart drop, entirely unconvinced and it must have shown on her face, because Eddie caught hold of her hand, entwining his fingers through hers before he lifted to briefly press a kiss to the backs of her fingers. "We need to talk," he said frankly. "But yes, we're okay."

Relief flickered over her face, and since there was no chance of anyone overseeing, she leant over and kissed him, slowly and luxuriously, trying to pour everything she was feeling and wanted to say into it.

He smiled at her as they drew apart, watching as she climbed out and headed into school, waiting until she was safely inside until he pulled away. It was only then that his expression dropped, a small frown settling over his features.

He hadn't lied to Rachel, exactly, but whenever he thought of what she'd hidden from him and the lies she'd told to do so, red hot anger spiked through him. She'd been dealing with this alone, by choice, deciding yet again to shut him out and he was rapidly growing tired of it. But he couldn't be angry with her, not outwardly, not after he'd heard the way she screamed last night, after he'd seen the terror etched across her face. It had terrified him, jolting him from a deep sleep without warning. If it hadn't been for Rachel thrashing beside him, he'd have leapt right out of bed. As it was, several nonsensical, half-formed thoughts had flashed across his mind before he'd arrived at the correct conclusion as to what was wrong, scrambling in the dark for a way to help, to snap her out of it without harming her. When calling her or kissing her hadn't worked, he'd resorted to the glass of water out of pure desperation.

Now, he found himself torn between wanting to comfort her and wanting to shake her. Was he allowed to be angry with her? Or was that stepping over some invisible line he wasn't even aware of? How was he supposed to tread between being supportive and letting her know that he had gotten hurt amongst all of this as well? Eddie groaned, scrubbed a hand over his face. In an ideal world, he would talk to someone about this. The problem was, the person he usually talked things through with was Rachel and that wasn't exactly an option right now. And she would never forgive him if he told someone else about her personal life.

Which left him on his own, he supposed.

When he looked back on it, Eddie would never really remember the rest of that day properly. He'd arrived at work with no recollection of getting there, and since no one had said anything, assumed he'd managed to arrive at the right classes and teach the right material. The problem was, every spare moment he had, his thoughts drifted back to Rachel, to what had happened the night before. It all lead to him leaving as soon as the final bell rang, pacing around the house as he tried to settle his emotions.

Usually, if he was home first, he tried to sort out dinner if only to save Rachel from the chore later. Today, it didn't even cross his mind. Instead he dug out a beer from the fridge and sat in silence at the kitchen table, the only sound the occasional hum of the fridge. It meant that when Rachel pulled onto the drive, he knew instantly, calling out when he heard her open the front door.

She looked tired, he noted as she followed the sound of his voice to where he was sat, her eyes pinching in a way that told him she probably had a headache as well. Her gaze flicked to the bottle he was holding, but she said nothing as she dropped into the seat opposite him. "How was your day?"

"Full of overly-excitable teenagers. Yours?"

"Full of far too many conversations about yesterday." Her fingers picked at one of the placements sat in the centre of the table, glancing up at him. "I do know you're angry with me."

He stilled. There was no use denying it. "Probably not for the reasons you're thinking though."

"You're angry about what I did yesterday. About the fact Chris brought me home. And about the dreams."

That actually covered it fairly well, he conceded, spinning the bottle on the table with his fingers. "The Chris thing is almost negligible," he said without looking at her.

"Good. Because firstly, Kim was here as well and secondly, it's plain ridiculous."

He inclined his head. There was no use going over this again. "I'm not angry about the dreams," he told her quietly, looking up just enough to see her look at him sceptically. "I'm not," he insisted. "I'm upset that you didn't tell me, and angry that you lied in order to hide them."

She ducked her head to hide her face, preventing him from seeing her expression. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are," he sighed. "It doesn't change the fact that you did it. Again."

"I didn't lie because I wanted to!"

"You did it because you were embarrassed, and didn't want to hurt me," he repeated dully. "I know. We've had this conversation."

He wasn't looked at her, didn't see the way her expression flickered and tightened, hands withdrawing to fall into her lap. "Then I suppose there's no use having it again, is there?" Her voice was small and quiet, but he didn't notice, lost in his own mind. She rose silently, not even thinking about it when she grabbed her keys and left the house, making it as far as the end of her street in her car before realising she had no idea where she was going. For a moment, she pondered going to Melissa's, cuddling Lacey and talking to her sister. But almost as soon as the thought had occurred to her, she dismissed it- for one, she wasn't sure they were at a place where heart-to-hearts were a good idea and two, the last thing she wanted to talk to Melissa about was Eddie. Instead, she turned her car in the opposite direction, towards a pub that was far enough away from school that there was little chance of running into anyone she knew.

One text and a half an hour later, Kim was sliding into the booth she'd tucked herself into towards the back of the pub, looking concerned. "What happened? You were fine when I saw you an hour ago."

Rachel winced. "Sorry…"

Kim waved a hand in the air. "I'm glad you asked me here. Just confused."

Rachel swirled her wine around, face falling. "It's Eddie," she admitted quietly. "I think I pushed it too far this time."

"Because of yesterday?"

"Partially." She wasn't sure she wanted to tell Kim everything, wasn't sure she trusted her enough to reveal what she needed to. But she didn't have much of a choice, not if she truly wanted advice. "A few months ago, I started having… bad dreams. Really bad dreams."

She didn't dare look up at the other woman, couldn't bring herself to see how she was reacting. Kim was frowning, still a bit confused. "Why do I get the feeling you aren't talking about normal nightmares?"

She swallowed thickly. "More waking up screaming, unable to tell the dreams from reality?"

"Jesus."

"I hadn't had a bad one around him, and the few I did have… I managed to keep from him."

Kim's jaw dropped. "You didn't tell him? You just said this has been going on for months!"

Rachel closed her eyes. "I know. And I didn't just hide them from him. I lied to him, to stop him finding out. But last night…"

"You had one?"

She nodded tightly, taking a healthy gulp of her wine. "I think I scared him half to death. Everything ended up coming out. And now… I've never seen him like this before."

Kim grabbed her hand. "Of course he's going to be angry, Rach."

But Rachel shook her head, finally raising her head to reveal wet eyes. "I could deal with him angry. This is different."

"How?"

"He's… hurt, more than anything." She swiped roughly at her cheeks, cross at the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "This morning, it was like he was just going through the motions with me, there was no feeling behind anything. When I got home, he couldn't even bring himself to look at me properly. And I can't blame him, how could I?"

Kim watched her worriedly. "Maybe he's just coming to terms with everything he's found out?" she suggested gently. But Rachel shook her head.

"The look on his face… he didn't even get irritated about putting myself in danger, and he used to do that even before we were together." Her voice cracked. "Kim, I think I finally pushed him away this time."

"Then what are you doing sat with me?" Kim exclaimed. "Go home, apologise!"

"Don't you think I did that? It didn't matter, he just accepted it and didn't say a word more." Fresh tears slid down her cheeks, and she turned her head away to hide them. "No, I really think he's had enough this time."

Now, Kim encircled her hand with both of hers. "I don't believe that. Not knowing what I know of the two of you. Rachel, he loves you. Go home, talk to him."

"I can't."

She frowned. "Why not?"

Rachel had given up on any remaining professionalism. "I can't watch him walk away. I did it once before, I can't do it again."

"He's not going to walk away." Kim squeezed tightly, silently begging her boss to listen to what she was saying. "Rachel, you've just gotten yourself worked up and in a panic. However upset Eddie is, he isn't going to leave you. If the two of you have managed to get through everything so far, you'll certainly get through this."

Rachel didn't respond, but inwardly was disagreeing. Kim hadn't seen the look on his face, hadn't heard the tone of his voice. She had never fully understood what he saw in her, had half feared he would realise he'd made a mistake and now those fears were coming true and it was worse than she'd ever thought it would be.

Kim sighed, realising her words weren't getting through. "I'm going to get you another drink, okay?" She waited for Rachel to nod before she slid out, going up to the bar and ensuring that she wasn't being watched as she slid her phone out and scrolled through the contacts, easily finding the number she was searching for. "It's Kim. I'm with Rachel, who's half-hysterical and utterly convinced she's managed to push you into leaving."

"What?" On the other end of the line, that had been the last thing Eddie was expecting to hear. "Where are you?"

Kim told him, just as their drinks arrived and she was back with Rachel before the headteacher even begun to ponder what was taking so long. She'd probably broken some sort of unwritten rule by contacting Eddie, but she would stand by it, even if Rachel was angry with her. Eddie was the only one with a hope of getting through to her in her current state.

Rachel hadn't wanted to stray too far from home when she ran, either subconsciously or on purpose, so Eddie was walking through the door within fifteen minutes. Kim spotted him easily, immediately rising and drawing his attention to them, although Rachel only knew that she'd abruptly stood up halfway through a sentence and looked at her in confusion. Kim reached over and squeezed her hand. "Call me if you need me."

Rachel frowned. "Kim, what-?"

Her words stuck in her throat when she caught sight of the reason her friend was leaving so suddenly. Kim's complete lack of surprise meant it wasn't too much of a leap for Rachel to figure out what had happened, but she couldn't even muster up the energy to be angry as fear caused the floor to drop away from beneath her, air suddenly hard to come by.

Eddie shot a half-smile to Kim that he suspected was more of a grimace, muttering a 'thanks' as she moved past him and he turned to Rachel, who was staring at him with wide, red eyes. He sighed. "Budge over."

Confusion filled her gaze, and it took him sliding into the small space on the edge for her to realise what he meant and shift further into the booth, making herself as small as possible. He pressed his lips together, looking at her straight on. "For someone so clever, you can be really stupid sometimes, you know that?"

It took her a second but once she'd processed what he'd said, her mouth dropped open, pure shock rippling over her face. Before she had a chance to recover, he'd reached out, slid an arm around her waist to tug her closer and used his free hand to catch hold of hers. "I'm not thinking about leaving you, you silly mare," he murmured. "As if I ever could."

Her fingers tightened convulsively around his. "I couldn't blame you."

He groaned, closing his eyes for a moment. "Rachel. There is nothing in the world that could make me leave you." He tipped her face up to look at him, felt something inside him wrench at the look on her face. "When are you going to start believing that I love you? Wholeheartedly and unreservedly."

She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at his words, oddly poetic for a maths teacher. "Eddie… I'm just…"

"Overtired?" he suggested lightly. "Stressed? Emotional?"

"Don't push it," she murmured, daring to rest her head against his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to her hair, holding her more tightly.

"I'm sorry I upset you," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to."

"I don't think you're the one who should be apologetic in this situation."

His thumb was rubbing absent circles against her waist, and the motion was oddly soothing. "I won't lie and say I'm not angry with you, Rach, because I am. Whatever your reasons were, you lied to me. But I do realise that those reasons weren't malicious or deliberately deceitful."

"That was surprisingly eloquent for you."

He huffed out a laugh, but this was serious and he nudged her to sit up, so that they could look at each other properly. "I don't like that you lied to me, or hid something so important," he said seriously.

"I'm sorry…"

"I know you are." He caught hold of her hand. "But Rach, just for a moment, flip this around. If the roles had been reversed here, how would you have reacted?"

Her mouth opened, and then closed again. "A lot worse than you have," she conceded, looking down at her lap. "Eddie, I really am sorry."

She looked so guilty, so devastated and he felt all the residual anger melt out him. "Rach…" He spoke softly, and it had her raising her head to look at him. He cupped her face, wiped away her tears with his thumb. "I just wish you'd felt you could tell me."

One hand came up to curl around his wrist. "How could I, Eddie? How could I tell you all those things when I didn't understand them myself? It's bad enough they were in my head, I didn't want them in yours as well."

"Because waking up to you screaming without knowing why was so much better," he deadpanned. She winced. He regretted the flippant comment immediately, hand seeking out hers once again. "Sorry."

Their fingers entwined, and Rachel blew out a breath. "What happens now?"

"Now?" He gave her a half smile, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Now, I suggest we get fish and chips on the way home, and then I will spend the rest of the evening convincing you that you're never getting rid of me."

She blinked, looking stunned for a moment before a slow smile spread across her lips as she recognised his words for what they were. Forgiveness, and support, and reassurance all wrapped up into a sentence. "I could live with that," she murmured, giving his fingers a squeeze to reassure herself he was really there, really warm and alive under her touch. He brushed the lightest of kisses over her cheek.

"Come on. Let's get out of here."