EIGHTEEN
His entire world is painted red. He thinks that maybe it's always been red.
Red walls. Red ceiling. Red floors. Red sky. Red on his skin and collecting beneath his feet. Red staring out at him from pinwheel eyes, a cold voice and bloody hands.
Dripping, splashing, ripping, tearing, bleeding—
(pleasestopdon'twanttoseewhyareyoushowingme)
Red. Everything red. He's forgotten what other colors look like.
He's forgotten the sky isn't supposed to be crimson, that the ground isn't meant to be seeped in scarlet. He's forgotten what the floor looks like without the blood staining it, forgotten what his hands look like once they're washed clean.
(yourfaultyoudidthistooweaktosavethem)
The screams are deafening. He thinks his hands are covering his ears. He isn't sure. Maybe they're on his knees. In his hair. On the floor, scraping against the floorboards.
He thinks his eyes are closed. Or maybe they're open. It doesn't matter either way, because he sees the same thing. Hears the same thing.
Blood. Screams. Bodies hitting the ground.
The smell of it invades his nose. He chokes on it.
(red red red everywhere)
His father is in front of him, blood on his lips. His mother's throat is gaping, fragments of bone poking out. A woman whose fingers grip the grass beneath her, as stainless steel slices through her back. A man in a Police Force uniform, his head twenty feet from his legs.
A child backed against the wall in terror, tears dripping down her cheeks. Itachi-niisan, what are you—
Slice. Scream. Thud.
(motherfatherauntieunclecousin)
He doesn't recognize any of their faces. He feels like he should. But he doesn't know the lifeless eyes staring back at him, the stiff expressions, and maybe that's a good thing, maybe that's better, because watching the bodies fall hurts enough without being able to put a name to them—
Red. It drips from the walls and sinks into the floor. It paints the sky the shade of blood, rains down on him from above.
(stopwhypleasedon'tkill)
He wonders if he is dead, for surely this must be Izanami's realm.
(you'renotevenworthkilling)
The screaming fills his head, invades his ears. It sinks into his bones, carves itself into his brain. A cold, cruel voice, the slice of a blade through air, the crunch of sinew and muscle, and above it all, that man—
That man. Who is that man again?
(nii-sananikibrotheritachi)
(alwaysgoingtobethereforyouwon'tletanythinghappentoyouhaveactedliketheolderbrotheryoudesired)
He doesn't know. He doesn't know anything. All that he knows is the screaming.
And the red. So, so, so much red.
(no please nii-san don't kill)
Nii-san. Yes. That man is his brother. That man is his brother and he loveshatesisterrified—
(runclingtoyourwretchedlifehavethesameeyesnotevenworthkilling)
His mother crawls toward him, dragging her body across the wooden floor. Her neck is a mess of broken bone and skin. She holds bloody fingers out toward him.
"Sasuke-kun…" Her breath gurgles, blood spilling down her chin. "Why didn't… you save… us…"
He whimpers, slamming his eyes closed. His hands press tightly against his ears. A sob escapes his lips, and he presses his face against his knees.
Stop. Stop, stop, stop, Nii-san please stop—
There's a strange sensation against his skin. Blood? No, touch. Fingers brushing his cheek. He opens his eyes.
Familiar pinwheel eyes, whirling and drowning in blood. Words that float away, refusing to reach him.
"… so sorry…"
Everything is wrenched away, and the world explodes into light.
Sasuke's eyes snap open with a gasp, and he chokes on the coppery scent of blood. He sees his mother's fingers reaching toward him, pleading, hears her screams in his ears, and he wakes with a cry of her name on his lips.
"Kaa-san—!"
There is a hand on his shoulder. The smell of iron is replaced with ammonia. Red is replaced with white.
"Sasuke," someone says.
The world spins and dips and twists. The blood in his nose, in his mouth, mingles with the smell of antiseptic, and the red coating his vision merges with the white.
He struggles to grasp something. To understand.
(screamingscreamingscreamingpleasestop)
There's a hand on his shoulder. Sasuke's panicked gaze snaps up, meeting a pair of familiar eyes.
The Mangekyou Sharingan.
(foolishlittlebrothertotestthelimitsofmyabilityialmostpityyouitwasnecessary)
Long, dark hair. A face with deep groove lines beneath the eyes. A slashed Konoha headband.
(notevenworthkillinghaveactedliketheolderbrotheryoudisireditwasallformyownsake)
Everything falls away. White bleeds into red, and nothing exists except the weight of those eyes. That pattern. That gaze.
(foolishlittlebrotherialmostpityyou)
(fleeclingtoyourwretchedlifesurvivinginsuchanunsightlymanner)
(you'restilltooweakyoudon'thaveenoughhate)
(nii-sanfatherandmotherareboth)
(stopnii-sanstoppleasewhyareyoushowingmethiswhy)
(you'vebeenjealousofmeandresentedmeyou'veharboredhopesofsurpassingme)
(thisisaliethisisn'tyounii-sanidon'tunderstand)
(goawayyoudon'tinterestmeatthemoment)
(i'malwaysgoingtobethereforyouevenifit'sjustasanobstacleforyoutoovercome)
(stopstopstopnii-sanpleasestopwhy)
(onedaywhenyouhavethesameeyescomebackandfaceme)
(that'swhatbigbrothersarefor)
He's blind with panic, with rage, with fear. But mostly, he's blind with emotion. All he can see are those damned eyes, and he lashes out blindly. No, no, no, no, no, get away—
He sees their bodies falling, thudding. He sees the blood splash against the wall, their faces twisted in anguish and terror. He hears their screams.
His mother and father kneeling, their heads bowed. A sword raised above their heads. Aunt Naori shaking her head, crying out her disbelief even as she raises her sword. Shuriken flying through the air, hitting each target dead in the center of the chest.
Shisui's little sister pressed against the wall, tears streaking her face. Itachi-niisan, what are you—
The sharp whoosh of a blade cutting through air—
He kicks with his feet, bangs his arm against something, causing white-hot pain to spark through him. There are hands on his shoulders, his arms, holding him down, and he fights against them. All he can see are those eyes, all he can hear are their screams—
Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop—
"Get him out of here now!" someone yells.
There are noises. Footsteps. Voices. A door. There's a hand on his shoulder, against his arm, under his chin, and Sasuke flinches away, hearing nothing but screams. Feeling nothing but the blood against his skin and the wooden floor beneath his cheek.
There's someone trying to speak to him, a familiar voice, but all Sasuke can hear is Itachi.
(youareweakyouareweakyouareweakyouareweak)
"No—no—"
There's a sharp pinch in his neck. His mind becomes fuzzy and unfocused, his body becoming heavy. A sudden exhaustion crashes over him, digs its claws into his brain, fighting to drag him down.
Sasuke lets the darkness take him.
Kakashi leaps into action the moment Sasuke panics.
He grabs Itachi by the back of his cloak, yanking him away from the bed. He pins his thrashing student to the cot, wincing as a foot catches him in the ribs, and tries to prevent him from crashing to the floor.
The Sharingan in Itachi's eyes have faded. Jiraiya drags him quickly from the room.
His hands on Sasuke's arms are going to cause bruises. Kakashi tries to be more gentle, but Sasuke is struggling so much that it's impossible. He lashes out with his foot again, hitting the metal frame of the bed hard. He twists his head to the side, tries to kick Kakashi away.
Kakashi tries to get his student's attention, tries to get him to focus, but it's no use. Sasuke's eyes are clouded, completely unaware. The sight of Itachi's Sharingan, the moment after waking, sent him spiraling.
In his panic, Sasuke gasps out the word mom. Kakashi's heart breaks.
"Move," Tsunade says. She tries to push him aside, and when he doesn't move, she barks at him louder, "Kakashi, move!"
Kakashi obeys. Tsunade shoves him aside, and there's a quick flash of metal. Needle, Kakashi registers, and before he can open his mouth to protest, the deed is done.
Sasuke's struggles stop. He drops back into sleep.
Kakashi releases his student's arms, pulling away. He gives the Godaime a narrow look.
"Was that really necessary?" he asks.
Tsunade gives him an unimpressed look. "He wasn't calming down, and you pinning him like that was only making him worse. He would have ended up hurting himself."
Kakashi presses his mouth into a thin line, looking down at his unconscious student. He knows that she's right; he's just desperate for Sasuke to wake up, to open his eyes and confirm that he's no longer trapped in a hell.
"Itachi's presence, immediately after being broken from the genjutsu, is clearly what triggered such a violent reaction," Tsunade says. "When he wakes again, he should be calmer."
Kakashi stares down at the kid, his heart clenching in his chest. Sasuke's head is turned to the side, and his hair has fallen into his face. Kakashi reaches out a hand to brush it away.
He hopes that Sasuke's sleep is dreamless.
"What's going to happen with Itachi?" he asks.
"He won't be going near Sasuke anytime soon, that's for sure."
Kakashi grimaces slightly, his gaze not leaving his student. "Sasuke won't like that."
"Well, he'll have to deal with it," Tsunade replies. "There's no way I'm letting them in the same room. Sasuke's psychological state is extremely fragile right now, that much is obvious even without a proper evaluation. And Itachi is clearly a trigger for him."
Itachi's always been a trigger for him, he thinks, but his jaw tightens slightly. He knows what she means. He knows this is different.
He knows the same way his own Chidori still causes him to freeze sometimes, the memory of brown hair and bloody lips. Ka-ka-shi. The way the feeling of blood on his hands still makes him unable to breathe, makes him want to scrub and scrub until his skin is red and cracked. Ka-ka-shi.
He knows in the way he still wakes up gasping, Obito's eye burning in his skull.
"We'll put him in one of our cells," Tsunade says. "He holds valuable intel on the Akatsuki. I don't expect he'll talk willingly, but I'll attempt to speak with him before sending in a member of Torture and Interrogation."
"He was ANBU," Kakashi reminds her—tries very hard not to think of that young teenage boy in the weasel mask. "He will resist you."
"He will try."
Kakashi sighs and doesn't respond. He doesn't know if she's underestimating Itachi or if he's overestimating him.
"Go," Tsunade tells him, motioning toward the door. "I'll place guards in front of the room. You'll be informed as soon as he wakes up."
Kakashi obeys without protest, but only because he knows that Naruto is still waiting for him just outside. Kakashi's honestly surprised that he hasn't tried to burst back in by now.
Kakashi leaves the Godaime with his student, shutting the door behind him. Naruto jumps on him the moment he emerges, before he has even turned.
"Kakashi-sensei!" he yells. "What happened? Is Sasuke alright? I heard him yelling, but then he stopped—and Pervy Sage was dragging Itachi down the hallway and wouldn't tell me what was going on—"
Kakashi halts the outpour of words with a raised hand. To his surprise, Naruto actually listens, falling silent.
"Everything is okay. Itachi's presence in the room caused Sasuke to panic, so we were forced to sedate him."
"That doesn't sound okay." Naruto's frown deepens. "You mean he's asleep again? So I can't talk to him?"
"Not yet," Kakashi tells him. "The sedative will only last a few hours, and he should be calmer when he wakes up. But even then, we're not sure what sort of state he'll be in. I'll need to talk with him before he has any visitors."
Kakashi watches Naruto's face drop. He wishes Naruto wouldn't look at him like that—his eyes are Minato's eyes, and seeing the disappointment in them makes his chest ache.
"Fine," Naruto huffs, though he's clearly unhappy. "What about Sasuke's brother? What's happening with him?"
Kakashi narrows his eyes at the intent he hears behind the question. "You aren't to go anywhere near him," he says firmly. "Do I make myself clear?"
This seems to catch Naruto slightly off guard—it's not often that Kakashi takes such a stern tone with his students.
"I wasn't going to," the boy mutters.
It's a lie. Kakashi's face becomes even sterner.
"Naruto, I mean it," he stresses. "You're what the Akatsuki is after. You are to stay away from Itachi."
"I know!" Naruto yells. "I get it, alright! Jeez!"
He crosses his arms over his chest, huffing and glaring up at his sensei. Kakashi watches him closely, allows some of his sternness to melt.
"Good. Now where's Sakura?"
Naruto shrugs. "I don't know. Her house, probably? She says her parents have been super hover-y since the whole thing where she almost died. She thinks she kind of freaked them out."
Kakashi frowns. Almost died? Did Naruto mean Gaara? "That was weeks ago. Why are they only worried now?"
"Weeks?" Naruto repeats, looking slightly confused. "I'm talking about a couple days ago. You know, with the Sound Ninja."
No, Kakashi most certainly doesn't know.
"What Sound Ninja?" he says sharply, straightening slightly in alarm. "What are you talking about?"
"The old lady didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what, Naruto?"
Naruto tells him. Kakashi listens, and his jaw tightens. His teeth clench. Sakura almost died—would have died, if Gai hadn't been there. And Sasuke was almost taken to Otogakure. He almost lost two of his students, and Tsunade hadn't seen reason to tell him.
Kakashi reminds himself that he just got here, and pushes down his anger. In light of everything that happened in that room, it's not unreasonable that other things might slip Tsunade's mind.
"And speaking of Orochimaru," Naruto says, as he finishes up the story, "how come you never told me he was after Sasuke, huh? Don't you think that's something I should know about?"
Kakashi winces at the accusation in his voice. "You're right. I should have told you."
The curse mark, along with Orochimaru's interest in Sasuke, was meant to be kept secret. But all three of his students were present in that forest that day, and he knew that Sakura already knew about it. He should have sat them down after the second exam to talk with them about it.
"How is Sakura now?" he asks. "Is she okay?"
"She's fine. Tsunade-obaasan healed her."
Kakashi frowns. "Naruto, don't call the Hokage that."
"Whatever. I'm gonna go see Sakura-chan and tell her Sasuke's awake. Or, that he will be awake, I guess."
Kakashi hesitates, torn between making sure she's really okay and staying here with Sasuke. "I can go to Sakura's. I should make sure she's okay."
Naruto rolls his eyes. "Kakashi-sensei, I told you she's fine. What's with you lately? Seriously, why are you suddenly so worried?"
Because I wasn't paying enough attention before, Kakashi thinks. Because that was a mistake. Because I'm trying to do better.
"My student almost died," he says instead. "The other one has spent over two weeks in a coma. I think that's enough grounds for me to be worried."
"Yeah, I guess. It's still weird, though." Naruto scuffs at the ground with his foot, then looks back up at his teacher. "Hey, Sensei? Do you think Sasuke's going to be alright?"
Kakashi looks at him, and his heart aches. His hair and eyes are a copy of Minato, but the hope on his face is all Kushina's, and Kakashi can't bear to say anything that might crush it. Can't bear to let him down.
And so, in a moment of utter foolishness, Kakashi smiles at him and promises, "Don't worry, Naruto. Everything is going to be okay. Sasuke will be back to his old self soon."
Naruto looks at him for a moment, but then he smiles. "Of course he will be," he agrees. "It's Sasuke, after all!"
Kakashi nods, and tries not to feel too guilty for what he knows will most likely be a lie.
Everything is going to be okay. Sasuke will be okay.
He wonders who he's trying to convince—Naruto or himself.