And here we go - Season 4 finale!
I didn't know when I started this project just how I'd end Season 4, and it was tricky to figure out. The goal was, without changing anything about the end of Season 5 (there will be a few Season 5 scripts coming, but none past the halfway point of the season), to make the ending of Season 4 give more weight to Hyde's insecurity and paranoia about Jackie and Kelso there. Feedback on how well that goal was met would be most welcome.
(I should say that I like the end of Season 5 quite a bit as it is. But, this being a project all about finding connective tissue between two different points in the show's run, I went a little further with that here.)
SHOW TITLE
MUSIC NOTE: "Whatcha Gonna Do" by Pablo Cruise.
INT. HUB - DAY
A sunny afternoon, but the Hub is almost empty – it's still school hours. But there are two customers – ERIC and KITTY. Eric leans against the counter as he talks with his mother. "Whatcha Gonna Do" plays on the jukebox.
ERIC:
So Mr. Hammond said it was fine for me to miss class, 'cause I'm already getting an "A." So just as you suspected, Mom, I am better than everybody.
KITTY:
All I know is that my little boy was very brave at the dentist today. Wasn't he? Yes he was, my widdle snickelfritz.
ERIC:
Okay, Mom, when a man reaches a certain age, the baby voice no longer comforts him. It urges him to kill.
The door opens. In walk DONNA and CASEY. Well, Casey walks; Donna nearly falls over her feet trying to get through the doorway. She's giggling fit to burst, and a large cup is in her hand. As she stumbles, she knocks over a chair.
Casey rights the chair, steadies Donna, leads her toward the nearest table.
CASEY:
Okay, let's get you some coffee. Nobody pukes in the Trans Am.
As they walk, Donna finally notices Eric and Kitty.
DONNA:
(gasps)
Mrs. Forman! Uh-oh, you look mad. What did Eric do?
(to Eric)
Bad Eric!
KITTY:
Donna, why aren't you in school?
CASEY:
No worries, I called her in sick. Told 'em, "lady troubles." No questions asked.
Donna starts to giggle again and loses her balance. Casey and Eric money to steady her.
ERIC:
Hey, easy there, wobbles.
KITTY:
(to Donna)
Have you been drinking?
DONNA:
I hope so. 'Cause if not, this whole place is a-spinning! Hang on boys, it's a twister!
She twirls her finger around and pivots on her feet, rocking back and forth between Eric and Casey as they try to get her upright.
MAIN CREDITS
BUMPER
INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - DAY
THE CIRCLE. "Bad Time" by Grand Funk Railroad plays on the record player in the background. Eric is related the events of the last scene.
ERIC:
So, my mom and I were at the Hub getting ice cream, and we caught Donna with Casey, skipping school. And she was drunk. In the middle of the afternoon. It was like Sue Ellen on Dallas!
Pan to Hyde.
HYDE:
(to Eric)
You went to the Hub for ice cream with your mommy?
(laughs)
Why would you tell me that?
Pan to Fez.
FEZ:
Hyde, the point is he went for ice cream. Without us!
(to Eric)
You cannot pick up a phone?
Pan to Kelso
KELSO:
Hey, if we're gonna burn Forman, can we hurry it up? You guys know I'm hiding from Jackie. The longer I stay in any one spot, the more likely she is to catch me, and then I gotta deal with her wanting to get married. TO ME!
The record player skips. Kelso jumps at the noise and bolts for the stairs.
Pan to Eric, who watches Kelso run upstairs before turning back to the Circle.
ERIC:
Guys, my mom's over at the Pinciotti's right now telling Bob about Donna being drunk. You can't do that kind of stuff in the middle of the afternoon. It'll mess up with your... your... your thinking thing.
Pan to Hyde.
HYDE:
Yeah, you gotta stay sharp, man. That's why I keep myself pure until 3 o' clock.
(checks watch)
Two o'clock. That's why I keep myself pure until two o'clock.
He lifts up his hand; his watch isn't even on.
HYDE (cont'd):
I'm not wearing a watch.
CUT TO:
EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY
A short time later. Hyde, Eric, and Kelso play basketball as best they can with the El Camino in the driveway. Kelso keeps shooting nervous glances down the street in both directions.
ERIC:
(to Hyde)
Hey, you know what? Donna getting busted is actually great for me, because now she's gotta realize what a jackass Casey is. And when she dumps him, I'll be standing right here with open arms and a gentle "I told you so."
He mistakes Hyde's frown for agreement.
ERIC (cont'd):
Oh yeah, that could happen. After all, I made that girl a woman.
Kelso, dribbling the ball, bounces it into the hubcap of the El Camino. The clang makes him jump back and look around frantically. Eric puts a steadying arm on his shoulder.
ERIC (cont'd):
Kelso, you know you can't hide from Jackie forever. Shouldn't you just talk to her about this?
KELSO:
Eric, marriage is not a "this." Marriage is not even an "it." Marriage is the death of "it," as in "doin' it," and me and my lightning rod in the pants have a lot more doin' it to do!
Hyde takes the basketball from him, starts to dribble, looks down the road toward the Pinciotti's house.
HYDE:
(to Kelso)
Hey, man. Here comes Jackie.
KELSO:
RUN!
He shoves past Eric, rounds the El Camino, and cuts through the garage.
Once he's gone, Eric and Hyde share a laugh; it was a false alarm.
ERIC:
So, Jackie wants to marry Kelso. That's gotta hurt, huh? Say, when you get them back together again, maybe you should offer to perform the ceremony.
HYDE:
Not this time, man. I mean, marriage in high school? That's too weird, man. I'm staying out of it.
Something over Hyde's shoulder catches Eric's eye. He strains to get a better look.
ERIC:
Here comes Jackie.
HYDE:
(scoffs)
Come on, man. I'm not falling for that.
But it's no false alarm this time: JACKIE marches right up behind Hyde.
JACKIE:
Where's Michael?
Her shout makes Hyde jump and drop the ball. He turns to look at her; she is one pissed off girl.
HYDE:
He's not here.
JACKIE:
Oh, don't you give me that! I know that idiot still thinks the upstairs hall closet is a good hiding place!
ERIC:
(nods)
Every game of hide-and-seek, ages 5 to 12. And he managed to get stuck under the bottom shelf every time.
JACKIE:
Look, he can't blow me off like this! He proposed, I heard him.
(holds up left hand)
And he is putting a ring on this finger even if I have to chase him all the way to Minnesota!
She tugs on Hyde's arm.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Steven, I need you to help me look for Michael.
HYDE:
Excuse me?
Jackie nods to the El Camino.
JACKIE:
He can't go far on foot and his van can't outrun your car. Come on, let's go!
HYDE:
Jackie, I'm not driving you all over town looking for Kelso. I don't even wanna look in the hall closet.
JACKIE:
(pouts)
Fine!
She elbows past Hyde, goes around the El Camino.
Hyde shakes his head, turns to Eric. Before either of them can speak, they jump back at the revving of the El Camino's engine. Jackie's head sticks out from the driver's side window.
JACKIE (cont'd):
Move it or lose it!
ERIC:
(to Hyde)
Did she lift the keys to the El Camino off you?
Hyde pats down his pockets. His jaw drops.
HYDE:
I taught her that move!
ERIC:
You've created a monster.
HYDE:
I know! And the worst part is, that was kinda hot!
Eric throws his hands up, shakes his head, and turns to go inside.
Jackie honks the horn. Hyde frowns at her, she scowls back, and he slowly makes his way around to the passenger's side door.
CUT TO:
INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM – DAY
The aftermath of Kitty's news relay. Donna sits on her bed, arms crossed, as BOB and JOANNE loom over her. Bob is in a rage.
BOB:
(to Donna)
What the hell's going on with you? You're grounded! No arguments!
DONNA:
Dad, I'm not grounded.
BOB:
Okay, well, then whatever you think is best.
Joanne rolls her eyes.
JOANNE:
No! Not whatever she thinks is best.
(to Joanne)
You are grounded!
DONNA:
Hey, You're not my mother! You have no say in what I do.
She stands, storms out of the room.
BOB:
(to Joanne)
Well, she's got you there.
He shrugs and leaves Joanne shaking her head.
CUT TO:
INT. HUB - DAY
Late in the afternoon. The sunlight coming in through the window is starting to turn to evening gold. "More, More, More" by Andrea True Connection plays on the jukebox.
Fez and Kelso sit at a round table near the center of the floor, Kelso's head jerking this way and that as he scans the crowd.
FEZ:
Kelso, you seem tense. I think living in a home with so many siblings does not provide you with enough privacy to relieve yourself – if you know what I mean.
KELSO:
It's not that kind of tension, Fez. Being a one-woman man is one thing, but – but I can't get married! I'm 18 years old, and way too hot!
FEZ:
So just say so. Go on, be a man!
KELSO:
That's just it. I'm not a man. Which is why I don't wanna get married! But... well, a lot of people don't know this about us, but Jackie's pretty much in charge.
Fez raises his eyebrows; Kelso doesn't notice.
KELSO (cont'd):
If she says she wants to get married, then it might happen! The only way it won't happen is if I'm not around when she does.
Something out the window catches Fez's eye; he leans for a better look.
FEZ:
Here comes Jackie, driving the El Camino.
KELSO:
RUN!
He throws himself out of his chair, sending it flying back to the door. He scrambles on all fours to reach the bathroom door, and we cut to:
INT. HUB BATHROOM – DAY
Kelso hurries inside, throws open the bathroom window, backs up just enough to get a running start, and launches himself cleanly through the window.
KELSO (v.o.):
(laughing)
Man, that was awesome!
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT
An emergency confab. As Kitty ices a cake at the stovetop, Bob talks with RED and Eric by the island.
BOB:
And then I told Donna she was grounded, and she said no!
KITTY:
(looks up)
She said no?
ERIC:
Can you do that?
RED:
No.
BOB:
I need your help, Red. I gotta get Donna away from that guy!
ERIC:
Oh, Dad, you know what's good? Threaten her with the old foot in the ass!
KITTY:
You know, that Casey. How could such a bad influence live in such a handsome package? Bad people should have a big scar and an eye patch so you could recognize them!
BOB:
The problem is, you know, there's a point where your kids realize you can't do nothing to control them.
ERIC:
There is?
RED:
(to Eric)
No! Now stop listening.
(to Bob)
Bob, I don't wanna get involved. I've got enough problems with the fourteen kids who think they live here now.
CUT TO:
EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
Immediately following the above. The El Camino pulls into the driveway. There is a dent and a long, red streak across the passenger side.
Hyde exits out the driver's side door, and Fez and Jackie exit out the passenger's side. Jackie immediately crosses to Hyde.
JACKIE:
Steven, you get back here! We aren't done yet!
HYDE:
Yes, we are. When you ruin the paint job and take out a fire hydrant, that's the end of El Camino privileges for you, young lady!
Something down the driveway catches Fez's eye.
FEZ:
Someone's coming.
They all turn to look. It's Donna and Casey, out for a walk-and-talk.
CASEY:
So the guy's trying to tell me that his Z28 is the same car as my Trans Am except for the decals.
DONNA:
How can people be so ignorant?
The patio door slides open. Bob marches out, followed by Eric, Kitty, and Red.
BOB:
I see you Donna! I see you!
DONNA:
Dad!
BOB:
Don't you "dad" me. You're not going anywhere, not with this guy. You're grounded again!
Hyde, Jackie, and Fez huddle together. Fez brings out a box of chocolate-covered raisins.
FEZ:
(to Jackie & Hyde)
Candy?
JACKIE:
Please.
She helps herself to a piece.
DONNA:
Dad, I'm gonna do whatever I want with whoever I want whenever I wanna do it!
BOB:
We have to have a talk right now, Donna!
CASEY:
Mr. Pinciotti, sir, let me just say you're making a lot of sense here, and I think that when I bring Donna home tonight, you two ought to sit down and really hammer this thing out.
Everyone's on bated breath as they look to Bob.
BOB:
(beat)
Okay, that sounds fair.
Everyone but Donna groans together.
ERIC:
What? You're just gonna let her go off with him?
BOB:
What else can I do?
RED:
Oh, good God, that's it! Everybody in the living room.
(no one moves)
NOW!
That does it. Everyone moves to enter the house. Red holds up a hand to block Jackie, Fez, and Hyde.
RED:
Not you.
He enters the house. Bob, having been behind Fez, stays out with the kids. He takes a raisin that Fez offers.
Red sticks his head out the patio door.
RED:
Bob, get in here!
He heads back inside, Bob in tow.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Tough love time. Eric stands by the front door with Bob. Donna and Casey are on the couch, the reluctant center of attention. Red stands behind his chair, leaning on it as he yells.
RED:
Donna, what has gotten into you? Skipping school, showing no respect for your father -
BOB:
That's right!
RED:
Shut up, Bob.
Kitty hurries in from the kitchen with a big snack bowl.
KITTY:
Okay, here's snacks!
She sets the bowl down on the coffee table.
KITTY (cont'd):
So, anybody need a drink?
CASEY:
I'll take a rum and coke for the road.
ERIC:
Hey, hey, buddy? A little tip? I think booze is what got you in trouble in the first place!
RED:
(to Casey)
How could you take this girl out drinking in the middle of the day!
CASEY:
You know how it is. All the older girls were at work.
He chuckles at his own joke and jostles Donna with his shoulder. She doesn't look amused.
ERIC:
Can I say - this guy is not boyfriend material.
BOB:
I agree. You're not going out with him anymore. You two are done!
DONNA/CASEY:
No!/Alright.
They look to each other.
DONNA:
What?
CASEY:
You gotta admit, this has been a real hassle. I mean, it was fun, and you're a great girl, but let's just call it a day.
ERIC:
Wait... you're breaking up with her?
DONNA:
Casey, I thought you said you...
She looks around the room. She leans in close to Casey and drops her voice.
DONNA (cont'd):
You know... you said you loved me.
CASEY:
I have this thing where I say stuff I don't really mean.
DONNA:
Casey...
CASEY:
Look, Donna, I see what you're getting at, and I'm not that type of guy.
He pats her knee.
CASEY (cont'd):
Mrs. Forman, let's say we rain-check that rum and coke.
He stands, pats Eric on the shoulder, and walks out the front door.
Eric looks to Donna.
ERIC:
Donna, I'm... I'm really sorry.
DONNA:
You're not sorry. You got exactly what you wanted.
She stands, moves to the kitchen door. She throws it open, knocking into an eavesdropping Hyde, Jackie, and Fez. They fall back toward the fridge as Donna runs from the house.
FADE TO BLACK
COMMERCIAL
BUMPER
INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT
Eric is alone, brooding on the couch. He stands when he hears the door open. Kitty enters, with Donna.
KITTY:
Eric, there's someone here to see you.
ERIC:
(to Donna)
Hi.
DONNA:
Hi.
KITTY:
Okay, can I get anyone a snack?
ERIC:
Mom.
KITTY:
Right, right. Have to stop doing that.
(laughs)
She makes a quick exit. Eric and Donna look to each other.
ERIC:
(beat)
So, um... how are you?
Donna crosses to him.
DONNA:
Humiliated. I'm such an idiot. I got dumped in front of the whole world. I don't... I don't even know what I said to your mom at the Hub and I hate that she saw me like that. What is wrong with me?
ERIC:
Hey, nothing. Look, your mom left. Come on – you're allowed to freak out.
DONNA:
Everybody warned me about Casey and I fell for him anyway. He's such a jackass!
ERIC:
I really, really wanted you to figure that out. Just not like this.
DONNA:
Eric, I'm just...
(sniffs)
I'm so sorry.
ERIC:
Hey.
He pulls her into an embrace. Donna nestles her head into the crook of his neck as she breaks into tears.
DONNA:
I was so stupid!
As they pull apart, Donna brings Eric into a deep kiss. He just starts to give in when she pulls back and gives him a desperate look.
DONNA:
Eric, we should be together.
ERIC:
Wait, what?
DONNA:
Let's just, like, forget all this other stuff happened.
She embraces him again.
ERIC:
Wait...wait.
Eric pulls away.
ERIC (cont'd):
Donna... I mean, if you come running back to me now, I... Donna, I can't be your second choice.
DONNA:
But you're not! Eric...
He bows his head. Even as her tears come again, he won't look up.
Donna turns, runs to the door. As she opens it, Kitty spills into the basement. She quickly stands and feigns confusion.
KITTY:
Oh! Where am I?
She zips back out the door, and Donna follows.
BUMPER
EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - NIGHT
Hyde and Fez inspect the damage to the El Camino. Fez's candy box is balanced on the rim of the flatbed. Jackie paces up and down the driveway, her eyes fixed on the road. Behind his shades, Hyde rolls his eyes.
HYDE:
Jackie, just go home.
JACKIE:
No! I know Michael has to be here some time. This is the only place he can get popsicles without one of his brothers trying to push the stick up his nose.
FEZ:
(nodding)
It's true. And believe me, that is unpleasant.
Hyde sighs, crosses to Jackie.
HYDE:
Jackie, this is nuts. Shotgun weddings are for rednecks who knock up trailer trash and then get caught by her dad. Look, man, whatever you thought you heard, Kelso doesn't want to get married. He's not around because he doesn't want to see you.
JACKIE:
Yes, he does, Steven! He told me that -
HYDE:
That he wanted to get married? Kelso? Michael "I didn't know that firecracker would blow up the toilet" Kelso?
Jackie's eyes begin to water. She searches for words and can't find any. Finally, she shakes her head.
JACKIE:
No. No, he didn't. I got carried away, and I tried to control him, like I always do.
(begins crying)
But he wouldn't even talk to me about it?
She rushes to Hyde and throws her arms around his neck. Hyde throws his own hands up in the air.
HYDE:
Every time.
FEZ:
(to Jackie)
Hey, he got the last two break-ups! Give someone else a chance!
Hyde gives Fez a warning look.
FEZ (cont'd):
I know, I know. "Go home, Fez."
He begins slinking away, makes it halfway down the drive, then doubles back for his box of candy. He shoots Hyde one last dirty look before taking off.
Hyde holds Jackie loosely by the arms and gently pushes her back.
HYDE:
Jackie... come on, man.
JACKIE:
(through tears)
What kind of relationship is this when he tells me he wants to be together forever, then runs away as soon as I want a commitment? And after everything I put up with because he couldn't get over that one kiss, when I never made him go through anything like that when he cheated on me. Well, enough is enough. I'm over him for good.
She wipes furiously at her tears. Hyde shifts on his feet; he's skeptical.
HYDE:
What did you want that kind of commitment for, anyway? You're in high school.
JACKIE:
You wouldn't understand. Steven, you've only ever had meaningless flings. I'm not like that, okay? I want love. True love. And Michael and I have been together so long, that I just thought -
HYDE:
Jackie, you've never been with anyone else. Even after the last time you two broke up, you didn't see anybody, not really. Now, come on, man. You're young and free now. Play the field. I told you before, you can find someone better than Kelso.
JACKIE:
But Steven, I've never felt anything for anybody else.
HYDE:
Anybody?
Jackie looks up from wiping her eyes. She sees Hyde standing right in front of her. We cut to:
JACKIE'S POV. She looks at Hyde's chest, showing through the open buttons of his shirt...
At his mouth as he smacks his lips...
At his shades, as one eyebrow goes up...
END POV. Jackie grabs Hyde's head in her hands and pulls him down into a rough, deep kiss. Hyde gives in, snakes his fingers through her hair as Jackie runs her hands up and down his body.
They break apart. Hyde coughs, adjusts his shades.
HYDE:
Huh.
(beat)
Jackie, you're on the rebound, and this didn't take the last time we were here. If you're just looking to get back at Kelso -
Jackie throws down the door to the flatbed of the El Camino and points.
JACKIE:
Get in.
Hyde looks from the flatbed to Jackie. She holds up his keys in her free hand.
HYDE:
Hey, you keep stealing my keys, it's gonna stop being a turn-on.
Jackie gives him a look.
HYDE (cont'd):
(laughs)
No it's not.
Jackie throws herself at him. Her weight sends them crashing back into the flatbed.
CUT TO:
INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - NIGHT
Eric is in a chair from the kitchen table, turned to face the living room door. Red and Kitty stand over him, both furious.
RED:
Let me get this straight: Donna wanted to get back together and you said no?
ERIC:
I said no.
RED:
You said no!
KITTY:
(beat)
Dumbass!
ERIC:
Look, I have my reasons, okay?
KITTY:
What could they be? What could they possibly be?
ERIC:
Casey dumps her and she comes to me? Okay, I'm not a rebound!
RED:
So you're too proud to take her back? And what do you have to be so proud of? You're not an athlete. The only smart thing about you is your mouth. And look at you!
KITTY:
Red, Red, he looks fine! He's just so darn stupid! I'm very upset.
ERIC:
Well, stop, okay? Because I already feel bad enough as it is.
KITTY:
Well you should!
ERIC:
Well, I do! I love her.
He stands, starts to pace.
ERIC:
God, why do I always have to screw these things up, you know? Why does everything always have to be my way? That's why we broke up in the first place.
KITTY:
Well, we've all known that for a year!
ERIC:
Okay. Okay, I have to tell Donna how I feel.
He doesn't move at once.
RED:
Then go!
Eric nods, heads out the patio door.
Kitty leans on Red, and he puts an arm around her.
KITTY:
Oh, Red!
RED:
I know. We're never gonna get him out of the house.
CUT TO:
INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM – NIGHT
The lights are off, but the door is open. Eric runs inside.
ERIC:
Donna?
No one answers. Eric steps inside, looks around.
Bob and Joanne enter. Eric crosses to them.
ERIC (cont'd):
Oh, hello, Mr. Pinciotti, Mrs... I'm sorry, Joanne, I don't know your last name. I have something to tell you guys. I love Donna.
JOANNE:
Well, she isn't here. We don't know where she is.
(beat)
And it's Stupack.
ERIC:
Well, if it's okay, I'll just wait.
He sits down on the bed. Bob crosses to him, pats his shoulder.
BOB:
Sure. I always liked you.
ERIC:
Oh, thank you, sir.
BOB:
But do me a favor. Don't play with her undergarments.
He and Joanne exit as Eric settles in.
CUT TO:
EXT. HUB PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Past closing hours. Kelso's Samba slowly pulls into the lot. Kelso sticks his head out, looking left and right. He brings the van into park, gets out, and stretches.
Donna walks by, a knapsack slung over her shoulder. Kelso crosses to her.
KELSO:
Hey. Where are you going?
DONNA:
Bus station. I'm going to my mom's in California.
KELSO:
Oh, my God. You're running away.
DONNA:
I don't know what else to do.
KELSO:
No, I know how you feel. I feel trapped in this town. There isn't any place I can go where I'm not gonna eventually run into Jackie. And when that happens –
He hums a few bars of the wedding march, then mimes hanging himself.
KELSO (cont'd):
Hey... hey, you know what? I'll drive you. We'll both go to California!
He slaps Donna on the shoulder and goes back to the van.
DONNA:
Kelso, are you up for this?
KELSO:
Hey, if the Beverly Hillbillies can do it, so can I.
Donna chuckles and nods.
DONNA:
Great, let's go.
They both climb into the van. Kelso starts 'er up, and they take off.
CUT TO:
INT. DONNA'S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Eric lies back on the bed. He plays with the pillows, twiddles his thumbs, and checks his watch.
FADE TO BLACK
CREDITS
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
MUSIC NOTE: Theme from "The Beverley Hillbillies."
On the road for California. Donna sleeps while Kelso drives. Kelso glances over, sees that Donna is asleep. He reaches a hand back for her chest. She wakes up just in time to smack him away.
DONNA:
Kelso! I'm not gonna tell you again!
KELSO:
I was just reaching for my soda. Damn!
DONNA:
I should have taken the bus.
END.