A/N: Wow, the views for this "story" really exploded over night, thank you so much! As always, happy reading!
No matter how hard she tried, Glinda couldn't sleep. It's not that she wasn't tired, her entire body was stiff from sitting in the carriage for yet another day and her eyelids constantly fell shut, but her thoughts ran wild. This was her and Elphaba's last night on their journey to the Emerald City, tomorrow around mid-day they were supposed to arrive. The inn they were staying in tonight was a little better than the last one, probably because it was closer to the city and housed travelers like them on a daily basis. The last five just blended together, stuffy rooms with creaking beds and noisy neighbors, whose snoring or uproarious laughter was well audible through the paper-thin walls. Usually, Glinda managed to sleep anyway, exhausted from the day of traveling. She also knew that Elphaba stayed awake, combing through her blonde locks and whispering sweet nothings into her ear so she could forget the rest of the world around them.
Tonight, they seemed to have reversed the roles. Elphaba had never needed much sleep in the first place and had gotten the necessary hours of rest during the day, her head on Glinda's shoulder. This day, however, they had shared the carriage with four older men who had spent the ride alternating between throwing disgusted looks Elphaba's way and lusting after Glinda, exchanging knowing gazes between one another whenever she so much as shifted in her seat. Her green companion had not closed her eyes even once.
Therefore, it was natural that she had fallen asleep now, no matter how often she had promised Glinda not to do that. The blonde didn't mind. She couldn't sleep anyway, and Elphaba needed some rest before they finally arrived at the Emerald City tomorrow.
Part of Glinda couldn't wait, she had always wanted to the see the city and dreamed of a life there full of possibilities and beauty. If the Wizard took a liking to Elphaba, that life could come sooner as expected.
But another part of her was terrified. No matter if for worse or, hopefully, for the better, things would inevitably change. Their life at Shiz, and Oz knew how much she had loved every second, was undeniably over. No matter how things went tomorrow or during the next days, if they ever returned to finish their education at Crage Hall, they would not do so as the naïve young girls who had left.
In fact, Glinda already felt a change in her, as if this journey was not only one to the Emerald City, but also to adulthood. She had stopped being a child when she enrolled at Shiz and got to know Elphaba, but there was a long way from the innocence and naivety of childhood to becoming a full member of Oz' society. Even being here with Elphaba, lying together in one bed even though there was another one across the room, because that was the only way either of them knew how to rest, was a lesson. They were on their way to an audience with the most powerful man in Oz, skipping quite a few steps on the climb up the social ladder in the process, and yet they had to sleep in covers that probably hadn't been washed in weeks and share their carriage with men who could not wait to get a glimpse of her bare thighs while getting out for a short break.
But as much as they had annoyed her, the thought of these men probably sleeping next door wasn't what kept her up.
Instead, all her thoughts were about the girl who had blocked their sight by positioning herself behind Glinda, the girl who rather stayed up for more than twenty-four hours at a time than leave her unprotected and whose arms held her a little tighter than necessary. Elphaba Thropp was the best thing to have ever happened to her, and above all else, Glinda was scared to death that she would lose her.
No matter how often she tried to tell herself that the Emerald City would be the fulfillment of all their dreams, something in her gut screamed at her not to go. If you want to keep her, it seemed to say, turn away, take the next carriage back to Shiz and never look back.
She did not want to lose her, she knew as much just from looking at her in her sleep, her usually scowling face relaxed, lips slightly open, making her look even younger than she was. But at the same time, she couldn't be selfish enough to keep her from the opportunity to prove herself and fight for what she believed, especially if the only argument she could rely on was a bad gut feeling.
If people did not comment on Glinda's beauty, they complimented her goodness. All through her childhood she had believed them, after arriving at Shiz she hadn't been so sure anymore, but now she had to be. It was her duty to the truly kind-hearted and good girl sleeping next to her to be the best she could be, even if it meant letting her follow her dreams against Glinda's best instincts.
"Why aren't you sleeping?" Elphaba mumbled against the blonde's chest.
"I could ask the same question back", she whispered, placing a kiss on the top of her dark long tresses.
"Your thoughts are too loud. Besides, I shouldn't even be sleeping in the first place." With every word she sounded a little bit more awake, which worried Glinda. Three hours of rest weren't enough, even for Elphaba.
She brought one hand up to the green girl's hair and gently stroked it, hoping that it would put her back to sleep. "Yes, you should. Tomorrow's a big day, you need to rest."
Horrified at her own weakness, she realized that she was crying, and she could only hope that Elphaba would not see it in the darkness. But, of course, her best friend knew her far too well for that.
"Everything alright, my sweet? You sound like-"
She was cut off by a choked sob that managed to free itself from Glinda's throat. Elphaba immediately heaved herself up on one arm, so she could look the blonde in the face.
"What's wrong?" She asked while reaching out her other hand, gently wiping the glistening tears from Glinda's cheeks.
"Stop it, you'll burn", Glinda tried to protest, but the green girl shook her head and caressed her face with her thumb.
"It hurts me more to see you cry."
That, of course, didn't help Glinda at all. How could Elphaba be so pure, so sweet and caring, when all life had ever showed her was misery and pain? Glinda did not even deserve her in the first place, and yet she couldn't help but cry at the thought of losing her.
"Tell me", Elphaba said quietly. "What is it?"
Glinda could only shake her head in silence. While she could name what she was so afraid of, she couldn't explain where that fear came from. After all, how could a meeting with the Wizard cause her to lose Elphaba? It seemed ridiculous even to her, at least when she tried to formulate the feeling into a sentence.
But no matter how ridiculous, suddenly she could not even breathe anymore. All the overthinking and the constant fear at the back of her mind seemed to press onto her lungs, squeezing them so small that they could no longer receive oxygen. Soon, her short breaths turned into gasps for air, and all she could see was Elphaba's wide helpless eyes.
"Shh, it's alright", the green girl tried to calm her down, combing her fingers through golden locks, but Glinda barely heard the words as if her ears were stowed with cotton. "It's alright. You're safe. I'm here, can you tell me what you need?"
"Air", she managed to choke out after a while, and she had barely finished that one syllable word before Elphaba leapt out of bed to open the window, so the cool night air could flow in. It became a little better then, or at least she didn't feel like she was suffocating anymore.
But Elphaba seemed to understand what she couldn't say out loud. Taking the blonde in her arms bridal style before she even got the chance to protest, she carried her to the open window and put her down on the windowsill. The blanket was still hanging loosely around her arms, protecting her from the cold air, but Elphaba tugged it even closer around her tiny body, so only her face was sticking out.
"Better?" Elphaba asked as she sat opposite her on the windowsill, their knees leaning against one another. She should have been freezing, dressed in nothing more than her long-sleeved nightdress, but Glinda knew her well enough to know that the cold didn't bother her.
Taking a deep breath, the fresh air a welcome bliss to her lungs, she nodded. "Thank you."
Elphaba looked at her with those dark chocolate eyes Glinda loved so much, brows furrowed together, and concern written all over her features. "Anything for you. You know that."
She took a deep breath before continuing. "Will you tell me what's going on?"
Instead of answering, Glinda looked into the night sky, not longer able to hold the green girl's scrutinizing gaze. Millions of stars illuminated the dark sky, all of them perfectly visible in the absence of clouds as well as major cities. Maybe, if they had gotten a room on the other side of the house, they would have been able to see the Emerald City on the horizon, but Glinda was glad that they didn't.
Elphaba followed her gaze before speaking again. "You don't want to be here."
It wasn't a question, but Glinda still looked back at her, wondering what to respond. She wasn't sure how to interpret the emotions flickering over her best friend's features. Elphaba had gotten so much better at reading Glinda like an open book, but there was still no way she could know all of what was going on in her brain, and she was thankful for that, too.
When Glinda still didn't answer, the green girl exhaled, fumbling with her fingers. "I love you. No Wizard that there is or was is ever going to change that."
Glinda smiled, a single tear rolling over her cheek. She quickly looked outside again, so Elphaba wouldn't see it. "I know. I love you too. To the moon and back."
"It's not actually that far to the moon", Elphaba said with her typical teacher voice, causing Glinda to roll her eyes a little, though she secretly adored it. "In fact, every single star you can see out there is further away than the moon."
Gently kicking her with her left leg, she smiled again. There was no other person to make her feel better that quickly than Elphaba. Different as they might be, she felt like their souls were meant for one another – although she would never tell her that, since Elphaba didn't even believe in the existence of souls. Or in the existence of her own, at least.
"I was trying to be romantic, you smartass."
It was like someone had wiped away the timid smile from Elphaba's face. "You're trying to avoid my question."
Glinda sighed, placing her chin on her knees as she drew them farther towards her. "I know."
"Why?" Elphaba asked, the evident hurt in her voice breaking the blonde's heart in two. "You've been distant ever since we left Shiz. You know you can tell me anything. Or at least you used to know that."
"I still do, I just-" Her voice broke as another tear fell from the corner of her eye, and this time she was sure that Elphaba had seen it. "I just don't want things to change."
There, she had said it. This was as far as she could go without risking pouring her heart out to Elphaba, as she was already close to do. She had to physically force the stream of words down her throat that would otherwise poison everything.
Because there was a good chance that Elphaba would listen to her, and Glinda would not risk that. Her life of selfishness and putting her own needs before others would end today. What might very well be the biggest chance of her life would not be ruined by Glinda.
"Our whole lives are made out of changes, my sweet", Elphaba said and reached out to cup her cheek, gently wiping the tear away. "But I tell you what's never going to change. You and I. I don't know what the future will bring, and I'm scared too, but the two of us, we're going to stay together. I promise."
She smiled that rare, breathtaking smile Glinda loved so much, and in that moment, her promise was enough. She believed her.
A week later, back in the same inn they had slept in during their last night on the trip, everything had changed. The stars were still there, but their twinkle wasn't as bright. The bed across the room was still empty, but so was her own. She still couldn't sleep, nor breathe, but no one was there to open the window for her or wipe away her tears. She had believed Elphaba's promise – now that belief was gone. And so was Elphaba.