Hey everyone. Sorry for the weirdly timed hiatus... College classes started again and it seems like my life has taken a busy turn, so finding time to sit and write has been slim to none. But I am trying my best. I will finish this.
Enjoy!
I only stayed at the Cullen's house for two days, insisting on going home, despite all the protests from Edward's family, and Edward himself. I know they want to be around Renesmee as much as possible, but the truth is, this isn't my home. Also, Charlie really wants me to come back to the house, but I think that is more because of his distaste for Edward. Both he and Renee came to see Renesmee for hours at a time in the two days I spent at the Cullen's. Phil came once before he had to fly back to Jacksonville, not able to take extended time off work like Renee. He was just as enamored by my little one as everyone else seemed to be. Sue came once more the day after the birth to check on me and the baby. It's still strange to see the comradery between her and the Cullen family. Charlie said Jacob has been calling several times a day to see if I had returned home yet, and I know I am going to have to face him eventually.
Edward has been the most persuasive when it comes to prolonging my stay at his house, tempting me with full nights of sleep, a precious commodity to mothers of newborns. The evening before I left I was lounging on the couch in their living room, Renesmee and had just finished nursing and had fallen asleep. Edward was sitting next to me, unconvincingly watching the documentary about shark attacks, but more so glancing at me and our daughter.
"You know," he began, and I automatically rolled my eyes knowing where he was headed once again. "If you move in here, you get free babysitters twenty-four-seven."
I laughed at his persistence. "Yes, as you have said… Many times."
He turned to fully look at me, and I tried not to look directly into his eyes, knowing that if I did I could easily agree to whatever he said. "Bella, I want to be a good father, and if I am at another house, I am going to miss so much."
"You can see her during the day as much as you want, Edward," I said.
"I know, it's just-" he paused, and a look of frustration crossed his face. "I never thought I would have this opportunity… To be a father? I had pretty much accepted that that is something I would never experience. But now that I somehow have this opportunity, I don't want to miss anything."
The sadness in his voice struck a chord and before I knew what I was saying I started to speak, "You could always come over at night. It's not like it's a foreign concept for you," I pause and chuckle. "Unless you have forgotten how to jump through my bedroom window."
I couldn't believe I had just invited him to stay at my house at night. That isn't taking it slow, setting boundaries. But the look of joy that overtook his entire expression made any worries fly out the window.
"Really? You'd be okay with that?" He asked, a dazzling smile breaking me down even further.
"Y-yeah," I stuttered, thoroughly flustered.
I could tell it took a lot from him to not pull me into an embrace, but he knew that that would be pushing it just a bit. And I am glad he didn't. I don't know if I would have had the strength to push him away like I should have.
Charlie came to pick me up the next day around noon, and up until I had to forcibly take the baby out of Emmett's arms, everyone had been passing her around like they were never going to see her again. It made me laugh knowing how attached to her they already were.
"You know, we are coming back tomorrow, right?" I teased seeing so many downturned expressions.
"They're just disappointed you won't be here all the time," Edward explained, visibly more content with my leaving, knowing that he would be seeing us both soon enough. He leaned down and planted a kiss on his daughter's head, and shot me a beautiful half-grin. Charlie had grunted at Edward, still refusing to speak to him, unhappy that I was. He came around and moved me to the back of the cruiser where Renesmee's car seat was strapped in. I quickly buckled her in, and then climbed into the front seat, waving at the Cullen's who were all congregated out front as Charlie quickly pulled away.
Now, as I nervously clean my room, while Renesmee lies in the bassinet on the right side of my bed just looking around contentedly. Edward is coming soon, since Charlie just headed into bed five minutes ago. I can't help the butterflies I feel when I think about Edward being in my room again. It is a vastly different situation, yes, but it's similar to how I felt the first time I knew he would be in my room. I made my bed, picked up pieces of clothing that I hadn't even bothered to pick up while so largely pregnant. It's actually really nice not having a weighted beach ball hanging on your torso. And it's really nice being able to put on my own socks without such a hassle again.
I check to make sure the window is unlocked, and even prop it open to make it easier. After fiddling with everything in sight, I settle with sitting next to Renesmee in her bassinet.
"Hey, there baby girl," I whisper. "What do you think of your first bedroom? It's not much, not compared to your daddy's house, but I like it." She turns her head toward my voice, and I wonder if she understands what I am saying. "Eventually we will get our own place. You'll have your own room. But this works for now, right?"
"Knock, knock," Edward's low voice calls from behind me. I startle slightly, but turn to see him leaning against the window frame, as if he has been there a long time.
"Hey," I whisper. He smiles and crosses towards us silently, and stops next to the bassinet, where he reaches down to pick up our daughter.
"Hi, sweetheart," he says, nuzzling her cheek. I smile, heart warmed seeing him greet her so sweetly. He cradles her to his chest, and then looks at me smiling. "How are you, Bella?"
I pull myself onto the bed further, sitting cross legged in the center. "Good. Esme didn't have to drop off dinner, I could have cooked."
He shrugs, and walks over to sit in my rocking chair. "She didn't think you should have to worry about that your first night home."
"It was very kind of her," I say. "And how was your afternoon?"
"Unbelievably slow," he says, looking at Renesmee.
"Mmm?" I ask, trying to be nonchalant.
He looks up at me, and says, "I knew you needed to spend time with Charlie, but being away from both of you… Well, lets just say I was driving my family crazy. Rosalie kicked me out of the house actually."
I laugh quietly, careful not to catch Charlie's attention. "Really? Where did you go?"
"Oh, I just ran between here and Seattle a couple of times," he says, smiling.
It's so strange smiling so often. Since I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't as somber as I was the first month, but I can't say I was the happiest person. I still didn't want to read all the novels I had once loved, I couldn't bear to listen to music even after I had found some happiness with my child. Even my time with Jacob, mostly happy memories, I can't say I smiled a lot. I don't know if it is that my baby has been born, or because Edward is back, but I have smiled and laughed more in the last two days that I have in nine months.
"As we all do when anxious," I tease.
He shakes his head, still grinning. He starts to glance around the room, and I can't quite put my finger on the emotion on his face. When he looks down, his head tilts slightly, and then his eyebrows pull down, "What's that under your bed?" He asks.
I crawl over to the left side, and reach underneath, I pull out a couple objects not remembering putting anything under there. I immediately recognize the camera and empty scrapbook Charlie and Renee had gotten for me on my eighteenth birthday. Along with it is the folded photo of Edward and I, but I still don't have the will to look at it too closely. And like that, those warm feelings slip from my fingers, and my smile evaporates just as easily as it came.
It's quiet for an immeasurable amount of time after I pull the things onto my bed. I frown down at them, not wanting to see the look on his face. I had forgotten that Alice had kicked them under there after she had found them under the floorboards. The only thing that I had utilized was the CD Edward had made for me, and I didn't even listen to it myself. I glance over at my CD player on the desk with the Belly Buds still plugged in.
"You found them," he murmurs quietly.
I shake my head, still refusing to look at him. "No, Alice did," I say, an edge to my voice.
He sighs, and I look up at him. He is looking out the window, Renesmee asleep in his arms. The atmosphere in the room shifted from lighthearted and teasing, to somber in a matter of seconds. We still haven't really talked about that day. We talked about why he left, but not about much else. A part of me wants to be angry that he hid the gifts when he left, but a part of me is glad because I don't know how I would have coped if I had seen them. I had a gaping hole in the dashboard of my truck after I had practically clawed it out. It had left my fingers bloody and sore, but I threw the whole thing in the dumpster three weeks after they left. I wonder if whoever in his family disposed of my truck noticed.
"Another thing I really messed up," he says, self-loathing thick on his tongue.
"Yeah," I agree, not having it in me to brush off the comment. He really did mess things up.
He rises to his feet and walks over to place Renesmee down in the bassinet once again. She wiggles a little feeling the loss of her father's arms, but remains asleep. He turns to me and when I won't look him in the eyes he walks over and crouches down in front of me, eye pleading. "Please, Bella, look at me."
I shake my head, but don't say anything. It hurts to think about him leaving. It was too easy to move past it when we were talking about it, but to see the evidence of the evening… He reaches up and gently pulls my face so I have to look at him, tears filling my eyes. I hold back the sobs threatening to break through, remembering how he had left. Even if he did leave to make my life better, even if he still does love me, it doesn't take away the pain of what he did.
"Bella, I know I have apologized way too much, yet still not enough, but I am so sorry. I was selfish, stupid and arrogant," he says, his dark eyes searching mine. "I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."
My tears spill over onto his fingers, but I remain silent, not knowing how to respond. So instead of telling him my thoughts, I pull away, climbing off the other side of the bed. He remains crouched to the floor as he watches me stand, his arms outstretched towards me. "I'm going to take a shower. Can you watch her?" I whisper through my tears.
He nods, grief set deep in his eyes. I just turn and grab a pair of pajamas out of my drawer, and head out of the room. When I get in the shower I really let the tears run freely. How can I forgive him? I can pretend like nothing happened, but the moment that something that reminds me of his leaving, it's going to be like this. But how do I face it? It's too painful to speak about, yet almost just as painful to push aside. I think he has a small understanding of what his leaving did. I don't really ever think I ever fully processed what happened, not after I found out I was pregnant. The pregnancy was the perfect distraction. Something to focus on other than the love of my life telling me he didn't want to be with me anymore. I want to be that strong woman who says, I'm better off without him, yet here I am mourning the loss as if someone had died. It felt like someone had died. Me. But the truth of the matter is, no one did. It was just a break up, right? People break up everyday. It shouldn't feel like this. Or does it feel like this for everyone? In all fairness, I have never been in a relationship outside of Edward, so maybe this is normal. But when has anything with Edward normal?
When the water runs cold, I step out of the shower and dry off. I avoid looking in the mirror, not wanting to see the pitiful reflection I am guaranteed to see. I dress slowly, giving myself time to recover. Edward and I need to talk about this, but I don't think I am ready for that. I walk back to the bedroom, and even though I know he would never leave our child alone in my room, I half expect him to be gone. But when I walk in he is standing at the bassinet, looking at Renesmee. He looks up at me, but doesn't say anything. I walk over and sit on the bed, tucking my legs into my body defensively. I notice the gifts are not where I left them, and I can guess he put them out of sight again. I take a deep breath before talking. "We do need to talk more, Edward. But not tonight. Can we just pretend like that didn't happen for now?"
He nods, his lips pressed together in a line. "Yes, for tonight," he amends.
"Tell me what your family thinks about Renesmee," I say, changing the subject back to something I know is only going to bring smiles.
Edward spent most the night holding Renesmee in the rocking chair. I think more for him than for her. He woke me a couple times to feed her, but I slept most of the night. Fortunately, my ability to avoid negative things helped lighten the mood back up after what happened. We chatted about mindless things until I began to yawn, and Edward insisted that I go to sleep. I was sure I was going to have nightmares last night, but they never came. Not that I remember anyways.
I sit up at the sound of my bedroom door squeaking open, and glancing to see Renesmee awake in her bassinet. Charlie stops, the door halfway open surprised to see me sit up when he thought I was in a deep sleep.
"Did I wake you?" He asks, opening the door the rest of the way.
I look around the room wondering if I somehow dreamed Edward was here last night, sleep confusion still slowing my brain down.
"Um, yeah, but it's fine," I say, pulling myself off the bed to pick up my daughter. "Looks like she is awake anyways."
Charlie walks in wearing his uniform. He holds his hands out wanting to hold his granddaughter, and I comply carefully handing her over. I glance around the room again, wondering if he left already.
"What are you looking for?" Charlie asks, not missing a beat.
"I'm not sure…" I say, and then lie, "I had weird dreams last night. Must have messed me up."
"She didn't keep you up? I didn't hear her at all last night," Charlie says, then blows a gentle raspberry on Renesmee's cheek.
"She's very well behaved," I say, smiling at him.
"You're fortunate," Charlie says. "You kept your mother and I up for the first month."
I smile, and he hands her over begrudgingly. I think for the first time in a long time Charlie wishes he could stay home. It's really very sweet he wants to spend so much time with her.
"Head to work, Dad. She will be here when you get home," I say, shooing him from the room.
"Okay, okay," he grumbles. "Call if you need anything."
"Mom is also in town still, so don't worry. We will be fine. The town needs its Chief," I say and he shoots me his best disparaging look as he walks out. I close the door behind him, and turn around. Edward is lounging on my bed, a half smile on his magnificent face.
"I thought you left," I say walking over to sit in the rocking chair.
"I thought I'd wait till you woke up," he says.
Renesmee starts to squirm and fuss as I begin to rock. Her mouth is open and she nuzzles my chest in search of her food source. "Someone is hungry," I say, smiling at her as I unbutton my shirt.
"She eats a lot," he muses. "Is that normal?"
I shrug my shoulders. "All the books say she should be wanting to eat nine or ten times a day."
"I guess I should read some books," he says eyeing the stack of parenting books on my bedside table.
"Take what you want," I suggest. He leans up and pulls several titles off the table.
As he flips through several of the books, I focus on feeding my baby. It's something I have come to really enjoy. All the books I read said it was an amazing bonding experience, and though I didn't doubt it, I never expected it to be like this. Everytime I feed her I get a kind of a high, an overwhelming feeling of love for my child. I've experienced nothing like it until now.
I run my fingers through her hair, admiring the color. It's the same exact color bronze as Edward's hair, almost red. Though, it's very curly, and unbelievably thick for her age; already curling down around her perfect little ears. She has very light skin, somewhere between my color and Edward's color, but very warm. Her eyes are dark, but almost grey-ish, but according to my reading, her real color will appear within a couple months. She really is extraordinarily beautiful, and I don't think that it is just because I have the bias of a mother… Everyone who has seen her can't help but notice how beautiful she is compared to everyone's experience with newborn babies. Everyday she looks more and more like Edward.
"Bella?" Edward calls my attention, pulling me away from admiring my baby.
"Hmm?" I ask dreamily.
"I have to go hunting today," he says regretfully. I look up at him and see how dark his eyes really have gotten, the dark, bruise-like circles pronounced. I wonder how I didn't notice how dark they were getting. I guess I really have been wrapped up in the thrill of being a new mother.
"Of course," I say, but can't completely mask the note of fear in my voice. What if he doesn't come back?
"I won't go far, I will be back by bedtime," he says. I can tell he really wishes he didn't have to go. "Everyone but Alice, Jasper and I will be home, so if you need anything you can call them. I am sure they would be more than happy to help out."
I push aside my worry, and try to plaster on my best reassuring smile. "I know. You should go."
"Do you need to go do anything before I head out? Laundry? Breakfast?"
I shake my head, "No, really I'll be fine. I probably won't even change out of my pajamas. It will be a lazy day. Go, have fun."
"Okay…" he says hesitantly. He stands and walks over to me. He trails his fingers gently across Renesmee's head, and then reaches up to tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear. The familiar electricity that has always run between us burns brightly, making it all the more harder to say goodbye. He quickly tucks his arm behind his back, and I know he felt it too. "See you in a little bit."
And like that he is gone. Only the sway of the curtain at the window proof that he was in the room. I sigh and begin to rock in the chair again, trying to push down the feelings inside me. This is all so confusing. I am still so upset with him, but I don't want him to leave. We need to figure this out.
I go about my day the best I can, not changing out of my pajama top but slipping on a pair of shorts. It's warm out today, and being the Pacific Northwest, we don't have air conditioning in our home. I put Renesmee in a front pack and start doing random chores around the house. After lunch I lay my sleeping baby in a portable bassinet in the living room, and I sit to fold the backlog of clothes that have just been sitting in the dryer. Charlie took on the job of putting clothes in the washer, but he usually forgot about them after they were transferred to the dryer.
A knock on the door catches my attention and I glance over at Renesmee who is still sleeping soundly. I pull the hood down automatically, as if that it somehow is going to keep her safe as I jog to answer the door.
When I open the door, I am somehow not shocked to see Jacob standing on the porch, looking nervous. He then tries his best to smile at me, but it comes off as more of a grimace more than anything.
"Hey, Bella," he greets me. He looks around, and I can tell he is looking for one of the Cullen's. "Are you alone?"
"Yeah," I answer. "It's just me and the baby."
"Can I come in?" He asks. I just nod and step back to let him in the house. I close the door and lead the way into the living room. He follows behind me, just as quiet as the vampires I know. He sits in Charlie's chair, and looks over at the baby, but with the hood pulled down he can only see her legs.
"How are you?" He asks awkwardly.
I take a deep breath, knowing that this is going to be an emotional conversation. "Good. She's a good baby, doesn't keep me up too much."
"She?" He asks, eyebrows raised.
I laugh quietly, "Yeah, turns out it's a girl. I was so sure it was a boy too."
"You look happy," he comments, watching me glance lovingly at my baby.
"I am. She really is perfect," I say.
"Are you back together with him?" He asks, his tone suddenly hard.
Here we go.
"As of now, no," I answer and look over to see his shocked expression.
"I would have thought…" He trails off.
I shake my head, "Not right now."
"But it's not off the table," he states.
I look at him, not sure how to answer. What does he want to hear?
"Bella, I am sorry. I said that already, but I didn't want this to end up this way… I wanted to be there for you," he says, and I am surprised he didn't dwell on my non-answer longer. "I haven't really been that good of a friend to you lately. I'm so sorry."
"I know, Jacob," I say, his sincere demeanor breaking down my walls. "I know you wanted to be there. But here is the thing, Jacob… They are going to be a part of my life. Edward is her father, and I can't take that away from him."
"So he wants to be a father?" He asks. "I was kind of hoping he would be an asshole about it."
His tone causes my hackles to go up, but I don't say anything, I just stare at him annoyed once again.
"Crap" he mutters. "I keep running my mouth and saying things I shouldn't."
"Yeah, you really do," I say impatiently. "Jacob, if you can't be nice, you don't have to be part of my life. I love you, I really do, but the truth is that if you want to be my friend you have to accept that the Cullen's are going to be around."
"What if I can't?" He asks.
"I don't know what to tell you, Jake," I say defeated.
He nods, and he seems to process my words. I want Jacob to be a part of my life, he is important to me… But I will not let him insult me, or the people I love. If he wants to be a part of my life, he is going to have to move past his hatred for the Cullen family. "Can you accept seeing me when they aren't around? If I promise to try to not talk bad about them out loud?"
I ponder this… It may be the best deal I am going to get. "I can live with that… But listen, Jake, this is your last chance. I want you in my life, but I don't need you verbally abusing me anytime you don't agree with my decisions. And I guarantee you that you won't agree with all of them."
He sighs, and slowly nods. I can tell he wants to say something, but I am not sure I want to hear it. Can this ever work? The truth is that I will never be more for Jacob, this is where our relationship begins and ends. As friends. I don't know if he will ever fully accept that.
It is quiet for a long time, both of us deep in thought. There is really so much to say, yet so little that should be said out loud. After about two minutes Renesmee lets out a loud wail, and I automatically rush to her, my motherly instincts kicking in. She really doesn't cry often, no one seems to give the chance to. There is usually someone who essentially predicts her needs before she can get worked up. She is bundled up in a soft pink onesie with strawberries on it. When I pull back the hood to pick her up, I see Jacob lean forward curiously as I lift her carefully into my arms. She shouldn't be hungry, I just fed her, and her diaper doesn't feel wet. She must have just not been happy about not being cuddled. She is going to be the most spoiled child in the Pacific Northwest.
When I turn to show her to Jacob, I expect to see the tell tale adoring look on his face that every person has when they meet her. However, instead his eyes are wide, awestruck, seemingly terrified, and I have no idea why. His mouth is dropped open, as if he is going to say something, but nothing comes out. He blinks several times, and shakes his head as if trying to clear some thought.
"What's wrong?" I ask, suddenly alarmed.
He clears his throat and shifts in his seat, still staring at my child in a strange way. Eventually he pulls himself together enough to croak out a strangled, "Yeah, fine."
"Seriously, Jake, you're freaking me out," I say, worried. That was not the answer to the question I asked. "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing, Bella," he says, pulling together his composure. He then shifts his eyes up to mine. When he looks me in the eye, there is something different. I can't put my finger on it, but there is a gleam in his eye… Something has changed.
Jacob POV
As I stare down at the little baby in her arms, there is a momentous shift. A shift so earth-shaking, so undeniably beautiful that it nearly brings me to my knees. Is this how it felt for Sam? For Quil? Was it like their entire existence came full circle, and everything else in the universe faded away? It's not the romantic love of Sam and Emily, no, this is so different. I had seen it though Sam's mind, time and time again. It was immediately romantic for him. This isn't the same at all.
"What's wrong?" Bella asks, pulling me out of my daze.
I don't know what expression she is reading on my face, but I try desperately to pull myself together. I clear my throat, and shift in my seat. "Yeah, fine."
That was the wrong answer.
She automatically pulls her daughter to her chest tighter, looking at me as if I have grown two extra heads. "Seriously, Jake, you're freaking me out. What's wrong with you?"
I regretfully tear my eyes away from the center of my universe, looking Bella in the eyes. That draw I felt for her just moments before melts away like snow on a summer's day. All that is left is the love felt by a close friend, and the realization makes me want to laugh. How did this happen? Why now?
"Nothing, Bella," I say, attempting to smile at her. The expression feels stiff, and Bella being Bella notices.
"Don't tell me that," she says annoyed. "I have known you long enough to know when something is wrong."
I roll my eyes, and can't help glancing down at her baby. She really is breathtaking. Most beautiful infant I have ever laid eyes on, and I don't think that it is just because I have apparently imprinted on her. She really is very beautiful, almost otherworldly like her father's genetics. I cringe at that thought, not because she is half vampire, but because I suddenly cannot hate her father so vehemently as I did before.
"I just can't believe you had a baby," I lie teasingly.
She narrows her eyes at me, but shrugs and plays along. "Yeah, well it was pretty hard work. You couldn't handle it."
"You're probably right," I agree, and then look down at the baby. "What's her name?"
"Renesmee," she answers proudly and when I snort glares at me.
"Christ, of course you chose something I couldn't pronounce," I say, laughing.
"Oh, shut up. I like it," she says, hugging her close to her chest.
I smile at her, and try to push down the urge to reach my arms out to Renesmee. "Yeah, well, I am going to have to find a nickname, because that is a mouthful."
"Whatever," she says, flipping her hair dramatically. She then looks down at her baby and then back up at me. "You wanna hold her?"
If you only knew how badly I wanted to hold her.
"Yeah, sure," I say, playing cool. She scoots over on the couch and gently lies the baby in my already cradled arms. I haven't spent much time holding babies over the years, but holding her seems to come naturally. She seems to nuzzle into my arms, her large dark eyes staring up at me curiously. I run my thumb across her chin gently, and her eyes close briefly at the motion. I do it again and she starts to doze off in my arms, her mouth open in a perfect O, and her dark lashes flutter shut.
"She likes you," Bella muses.
I nod, but my throat is thick with emotion as I hold this precious little baby. I am going to be the best brother, friend, protector or whatever she needs me to be. Nothing in this world will be able to stop me from seeing this little girl grow up. Though, I don't know how I am going to explain to Bella. I already know that the conversation isn't going to go well. I have to make her see. To make her see it isn't some perverse, unnatural instinct of an animal… She has to understand that it isn't what everybody assumes. I have to take time to think of the best way to tell her. Not today.
I hold Renesmee for another hour before she wakes up and starts fussing to be fed. Another odd experience seeing Bella breastfeed her daughter. It's so natural, yet somehow it has made Bella seem so much older.
"Does it hurt?" I had asked.
She laughed, and shook her head. "Not anymore. I was a bit sore the first couple days, but it's better now."
I saw Bella yawn, and I decided it was time for me to leave. It looks like she needs some rest, and I need some time to figure out how to tell her I imprinted on her daughter. She gave me a hug, and it shocks me again that the longing I had felt for her romantically is somehow gone. Now I can just hug her as a friend. It's actually nice. I had run my fingers through the baby's curls before forcing myself to leave. It was surprisingly difficult. My instinct to protect her is stifling, and leaving her behind without me goes against my better judgement. However, Bella is her mother, and I know she wouldn't allow anything to happen to that little girl.
As soon as I step out of the house I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, trying to figure out how so much has changed in such a short time. I try and focus my mind, attempting to differentiate the different scents that surround the area. Pine, moss, dirt, a rabbit, and of course the disgustingly sweet scent of the vampires that are always here. Another problem. If I think Bella is going to react poorly to my imprinting on Renesmee, it's a whole other thing to tell a coven of vampires who already have a natural disdain for me. It could actually be very dangerous. I can't imagine Renesmee's father is going to take it well at all.
I shake my head, as if to try to erase the anxiety that has suddenly made an appearance. If I don't want him finding out before I have a chance to tell Bella, I better get out of here. I jog into the woods behind Bella's house, stripping down as I run. Hopefully she wasn't looking out her kitchen window, because I am sure she would have seen my bare ass running into the woods. At one point that thought would have amused me, but now it would be embarrassing more than anything.
I let the familiar tremor and heat overtake my body, and soon enough I am running on all fours.
Sup, Jake. I hear Seth's inner voice greet me. There are others in the pack hive mind, but no one else acknowledges me directly.
Images of my time at Bella's flash through my head. The little bundle I had held in my arms… The little baby that is now my entire reason for existence.
You didn't!
Ew. A half vampire? What the hell…
Ugh. Gross.
Are you okay, man? That's crazy, dude.
The symphony of voices pound in my head, and even I am having a hard time separating the thoughts.
Another one bites the dust… Leah's voice grumbles, along with images of all the wolves and their imprints, lingering momentarily on Sam and Emily. Is this going to happen to all of us? Probably not to me. She thinks bitterly.
Oof wait till Sam hears this one. Paul thinks, and pictures Sam sinking his teeth into me.
It's not that I imprinted. It's who I imprinted on. All of us hate the Cullen's in one way or another, but now I am forever tied to that family of vampires. It's just wrong when you think about it.
A flurry of muttered agreements run through our minds.
I begin running North aimlessly, letting my legs carry me along as I process everything. I try to ignore the various emotions running through the pack at my imprinting by forcing myself to run as fast as my legs can carry me. Everyone thought Sam and Emily had the most complicated imprinting. Or maybe Quil. Somehow I have out done all of them. Never in a million years would anyone think that I would imprint on my natural enemies progeny. I want to be repulsed, but I can't find it in myself.
I always knew there was a possibility that I would imprint someday, and at times I had desperately hoped that I would imprint on Bella. This certainly wasn't how I imagined always being a part of her life. But whether she likes it or not, I will be around. Even if from the sidelines, if she bans me from their presence (which is a strong possibility). I will always be watching to make sure Renesmee is safe.
I don't know what my future will hold, and it terrifies me. But first things first, I have to figure out a way to explain to Bella the situation. There has to be a way to tell her without her thinking I am a pedophile. It's not like that at all, but I know that is where her mind is going to go.
I'm screwed.
Alright, alright... I can hear the complaints already about Jacob imprinting, but hear me out... I think I have always like the idea of Jacob being her 'gradian angel' of sorts, and I think Stephanie Meyers had an interesting idea, but it just kinda came out wrong. I am going to aim to make her more her protector than anything else, but I did choose to stick to the imprinting. But, I am not dumb, I know there will be those of you unhappy, but what can I say? This is how I have decided to play the story out, and I can't make everyone happy, so I am going with it.
I love all my reviewers and followers. I appreciate you all, and how passionate you are. Thanks! I will try to get the next chapter up real soon.
xoxo