Author's note:

Hi guys,

sorry it took me so long. I have some major changes happening in my life so I am a bit distracted from writing. And I also tend to write every chapter longer and longer so it takes more time. :D I actually wrote this one with 8000 words but then decided to split it into two because… well… that would be too much. :D :D :D Anyway, at least you know another update will be coming soon. So enjoy this one and...

Another story is up:

Last week I posted a one-shot on LxBB pairing. So if someone is interested in this pairing, just go and check it out on my profile. It's hot, bittersweet and it has cool artwork too :P ;).

CHAPTER 17 - Ruins of childhood

"How could he escape?! What the hell were they doing there?!" L was raving. He had to excuse himself from the investigation room, because he was no longer able to keep his cold mask on. He ended up practically yelling in Watari's office: "She had the moment of surprise. She had agents as a backup and she let him escape?! What the hell is wrong K?! She never failed a mission before!"

Watari was observing him with a raised eyebrow. The boy was pacing back and forth the room, throwing his arms in the air and his arguments were totally irrational.

"I bet it's Matsuda's fault. That man is unpredictably stupid." L continued: "... I should have sent Light with her. He would make sure Beyond is behind bars!"

"L!" Watari raised his voice and the detective finally stopped his outburst and stared at his guardian with wide eyes: "Don't you think you are overreacting? You have no idea what happened there yet. It is a little ahead to accuse K or Matsuda. And besides, if I remember it right, you instructed supporting agents not to intervene with the investigation. So if B ran through their fingers, it could be your fault as well as theirs."

L was frowning and throwing daggers at Watari. He didn't like when he was talked to like a child. But Watari knew that look and he still remembered it well enough to know what it meant:

"Don't look at me like that, young man. You are the one acting stupid right now."

L opened and closed his mouth. He was so pissed. He didn't want to use his brain. He just wanted to scream from the top of his lungs or break something. His heart was racing in his chest, his adrenaline high.

"L what's really going on?" the old man asked with a much softer voice, stood up and went to the boy. He placed a hand on his forehead. L might have a little higher temperature. He also seemed to calm down a little under his touch, so Watari slowly stroked his hair.

"You are not feeling well lately and you have a very short temper. Perhaps we should run some tests?" Watari gave the word "some" special emphasis. But it didn't seem that L understood. Or he purposely ignored it.

"I am fine…" he said weekly as his temper slowly started calming down. In a moment he turned from a fury into a kid with big, sad eyes.

"I'll go to the roof. To calm down a little." L said and left.

They were to share a room. The whole night. Alone.

Matsuda was freaking out.

Not only that his head is aching like crazy, but his heart simply could not stop racing from the simple fact that KT would be sleeping in the bed, only a meter away from his own.

God, I hope she sleeps only in her underwear… One part of his brain told him and he felt heat coming up to his face: Stop! Stop! You can't think about this!

"I am sorry again, Matsuda-san. I know this is not common for Japanese standards but it was the only room they had left." KT told him.

Matsuda laughed and tried not to look nervous: "It is no problem KT-san! At least we have single beds! Well it wouldn't be a problem even if we had a double bed ofcourse, because I am a gentleman and I would never try to..."

"Okay! Okay! I get it!" KT cut him off nervously, not meeting his eyes.

Matsuda frowned and watched her unpacking a few things from her backpack.

Something was different.

She was averting his eyes the whole afternoon. They stayed in the house for a few hours, collecting evidence and taking photos of the place, but KT was not talking to him anymore. Matsuda's mind went crazy about it:

Maybe I overstepped when I called her a lily.

Maybe she is just angry that Birthday escaped.

Or she might be distraught because of the house… if it was really their house… I should ask her about that… or shouldn't I?

He told himself not to, but his mouth obviously had a mind of its own: "KT-san, today, before I went into the house, I spoke to some old man…"

There was a moment of silence when KT stood up from her bed and went to look out of the hotel room window: "Yes?"

"He told me a little about the history of the house and…. About the family which was living there."

KT did not turn to face him, looking out the window: "What did he tell you?"

"That the whole family died there because of an unsuccessful experiment… But I don't think he is right about that."

Matsuda watched her back stiffen a little.

"What makes you think so?" she asked.

He made a few steps closer so he could see her face from the profile at least: "Because the description of the kids, twin boy and girl, sounded like someone I know."

KT finally turned to face him, her eyes were sad: "Yes, you are right. I have no reason to deny it. The ruin today is what's left of our family house."

Matsuda let out a sigh: "I am really sorry about what happened to your family, KT-san."

KT shook her head and broke the eye contact again: "It's okay. It was a long time ago."

"I don't want to bring back bad memories but if you wish to talk about it… or something else, anything, I am here. Not only as a colleague but also as a…. friend." He told her with a soft voice.

KT sat down on her bed: "Thank you Matsuda-san. That's really nice of you. But there is not much to talk about really. Me and L… we were six when the house blew up and … I don't really remember much from the time before the orphanage so... Nothing to talk about."

Matsuda knew the conversation should have ended there but his mouth moved on its own again: "On one hand, that's a good thing, at least you don't remember the explosion and…."

"I remember the explosion." She cut him off: "That's the only thing I remember actually. It haunted me every night when I was a child…"

Matsuda's eyes widened in horror: Shouldn't have said that, idiot! Damn!

"I am so sorry KT-san, you don't have to talk about it if it hurts you." Matsuda said and scolded himself internally again.

KT gave him a brief look and then eyed the floor: "It's okay… I guess I need to tell someone, after all."

Matsuda felt relief and took his courage to sit on the bed next to KT: "I am listening, you can tell me anything."

There was a moment of silence. KT was still focused on the floor, but she was frowning: "L was not there when it happened. He was on an intelligence test because he had a chance to get to some elite school, at least that's what I was told then. I was home with my parents, father was working in his lab as always and mother was helping him that day. I don't remember what they were working on, but I know they were making tests on animals. We had plenty of them at home. That day, they were extremely busy and my mother sent me to play in the garden house. I was there for quite a long time before I heard a blow. I ran out of the garden house and then the house exploded. The shock wave threw me against the wall of the garden house and I lost consciousness. I woke up hours later in a car with L crying next to me. The man who was with us told us that our parents died and we can not come back. He took us to the orphanage on the other side of the planet."

Matsuda gasped in shock: "God, that's terrible. I am so sorry. But who was he? Why didn't he place you to someone from your family or to the foster system in Japan?"

KT shrugged: "I didn't understand that either back then but when we grew older, he explained that the explosion was not an accident but an attack from someone who was against our parents research. So keeping us away from Japan was much safer."

Matsuda was thinking about it: "I see… he made it look like you died to keep you safe."

KT nodded: "And by the way… that man… was Watari."

Matsuda straightened his back and his eyes grew wide with shock: "Watari?! Really?! So he is not just the butler?!"

KT finally smiled a little and looked at Matsuda: "No, he is actually an inventor and owner of the orphanage we grew up at. And he's like a father to L and me. He is the greatest person I know."

"I see… I always thought he is a good man but now I see he is much more than that." He made a mental note to bow to him even deeper next time.

KT nodded: "Please Matsuda-san, keep this information to yourself, okay?"

He smiled and nodded: "Don't worry KT-san. I won't tell anyone. And thank you, for trusting me with this."

KT looked him in the eyes again: "Thank you for being here for me."

None of them realized how close they were sitting next to each other until now, when they were staring each other in the eyes, their shoulders touching and their faces only centimeters away. Matsuda was blushing like crazy and he managed to whisper: "Always." While they both started leaning in. Their lips were only centimeters away when...

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz

KT jerked back and started searching for her buzzing phone.

Matsuda stood up and nervously scratched the back of his head: Did we...? Did we almost kiss? Was she leaning in or was it just me?

"It's Misa Amane. I will go out and take it." KT told him and nervously bursted out of the room.

Matsuda watched as the door closed behind her and he fell on the bed with all his body weight.

Damn!

L stayed on the roof for almost all afternoon. He was watching the city, the sun, sat on the ledge, then on the cold roof, then paced back and forth. He had thousand thoughts and memories going through his head and he didn't feel like he could be in the presence of anyone at the time. He needed his time, his space.

He knew he acted stupid, he knew he was slowly loosing it. But he felt so tired lately and his stomach wasn't helping much.

Maybe I should really change my diet...the doctor told me years ago I can't go like this forever.

He let out a sigh and took a look at the setting sun: God, why is this happening now?

But he knew the answer. The stress was too much to handle even for him. The Kira case, Light raping him, Beyond, Near, Mello, Light's courtesy, the task force, KT, Misa, Light's warm embrace… he could go on like this for a long time. All he wanted was to go to bed, fall asleep and forget it all. At least for a moment.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a message from Watari. It was time to take Mello on his first aikido lesson. They found the best teacher with clear records, they arranged a training space in the basements of the tower and the man was willing to go through all the security measures.

L let out a sigh again.

He needed to rest so badly.

But no, the children have to go first. He neglected them for a long time already.

Guess I'll rest when I am dead. He thought and went back to the building.

Light was thinking about L's morning conversation with KT pretty hard. They said more than they probably normally would in front of him. Now, he knew they were actually from Osaka and they had some ruin of a house there. If it had something to do with the reason they become orphans, it would not be that hard to find out their true identities. He knew enough facts to find them easily but…. He hesitated. Light always wanted L to tell him his true name by himself. It would be the greatest testament of trust he could ever get from him. But on the other hand, he was also afraid it might never happen. That's why, he was currently holding his hands in the air above the keyboard and could not make a decision. He was actually afraid to know L's real name. Because once he knew, it would be too easy to kill him.

No… I can't do that. Light thought and turned away from his computer.

He was very aware he lost his control once before. If he would get mad at L again and he knew his name, he could do something that can't be undone. And he couldn't stand the thought of losing L forever. Light growled and hid his head to his hands: When did I start being afraid of myself?

"Are you feeling well?" a child's voice suddenly asked.

Light looked up, surprised to see a little white haired boy. Near. He reminded himself and he straightened his back: "Yes, I am alright. Just thinking."

"What about, if I may ask?"

"Your father." Light told him without hesitation.

Near raised an eyebrow and came closer: "Why are you thinking about him?"

"Well, he's a riddle. I can't figure him out. And I love solving riddles."

Near nodded and climbed to L's chair: "I love riddles too…. But I think..." There was a moment of silence when Near started building a tower from sugar cubes: "I think my father is not so complicated. I already figured him out."

Light had to suppress the smile. The boy was adorable. So much of his behaviour was actually L's. Not to mention his facial features.

"Well, that's understandable. You know him for all of your life. I only met him a few months ago."

Near didnt look at him, his eyes still focused on his sugar tower: "I am sure you will understand him sooner or later. He said you are smart."

Light smirked and bit his lower lip: "He said that?"

Near nodded: "Yes. He speaks very highly of you. He even told me you would be his successor if something happens to him. But don't tell Mello. He still thinks he's first in line and he might want to hurt you if he realizes you beat him."

Light opened and closed his mouth. He always thought L was just joking with the successor thing but when even little Near knew about it, it was a pretty serious thing.

"I have no intention to become a successor." Light told the boy.

Near finally shifted his gaze to Light. Light felt like the child was scanning him to the bonnes. That sight was very well known to him. But Near's was maybe even more unsettling then L's.

He's trying to figure if I am telling the truth or not… Light thought.

"I have no intention to become a successor…" Light repeated, "...because I intend to keep your father alive at all costs."

Near tilted his head again and nodded: "I believe this is true."

Light smiled at him: "Anyway, why did you come to the investigation room, Near? I don't remember seeing you here before."

Near was again focused on the sugar tower: "I was searching for Watari. He is not in his office. I wanted to play chess."

Light raised an eyebrow: "I haven't seen him since the morning. But I can play chess with you, if you wish. Or… I can teach you how to play Shogi."

Near shifted his head to Light again: "Really?" He asked enthusiastically and for the first time he actually sounded like a child.

Light nodded: "Yes. If you already know how to play chess it should be easy for you."

Near climbed down from L's chair and came to Light: "Can we play now?"

Light smiled and stood up: "Sure, I have the board in my room. Let's go."

Near nodded and held out his hand towards Light.

He wants me to take his hand?!

Light was shocked and he hesitated. But the boy's eyes seemed honest and warm in that moment. When he took his little hand and led him out of the room, he felt strangely calm.

KT did not answer the phone. She just ran. She ran through the hotel corridor, to the stairs and straight down four floors. The buzzing of the phone died somewhere in between. When she finally got out of the hotel, she was breathless, but the cold night air refreshed her enough to go on. She started running again. She wanted to escape feelings that were spreading through her chest. The warmness and the longing that were covered under wraps of anxiety.

She was already far away from the hotel but the feelings were still hanging inside her. So she finally stopped, leaned her hands against her knees and panted heavily.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. FUUUUCK!

Her mind was screaming. She wanted to scream literally but that wasn't a good idea in the middle of japanese city, when it was slowly getting dark.

Why is he affecting me so much? Why do I feel the pull towards him?!

She was asking herself these, and similar questions, while searching for cigarettes in her undercoat. She lit up one cig, with shaking hands and felt tears building behind her eyes. She let out the smoke and stared at the night sky. There was not much to see because of the pollution, but having her head high was enough to suppress tears.

The truth is: she was afraid.

The last wound from love experience was still alive and deep enough to keep her from wanting a relationship. Although she was longing for love and affection deep inside, she didn't not allow herself to fall for over 3 years.

There was no one, after A.

Not even the casual sex she was talking about so loudly. It was all just a defence mechanism. She was too afraid to fall. And here she was, with all the warm feelings towards this ordinary japanese man, who could never win any comparison against A.

Christ, he is not even my type!

That was true. But A was not either. He was a little smaller than herself, had brown hair, often hidden under the cap and he wore glasses. But he had beautiful eyes. Green with little sparks of blue. She fell for A like crazy even when she was more into tall, broad blondes.

Touta Matsuda was neither of them. He was ordinary. Just like any young japanese man you could meet in the street and mistake him for someone else. There was no physical reason to feel attraction towards him.

But he has a cute smile. KT's mind offered. She wanted to smirk at that, but she frowned instead. No, don't encourage these thoughts. No!

She let out a long sigh and started slowly walking towards the hotel.

So what's so special about him? He is kind, naive and wears his heart on the sleeve. That's not something I could fall for, right?! She asked herself nervously. Her mind offered her answer she didn't want to hear: He could actually treat you right, not like garbage like someone…

KT stopped and scolded herself. She didn't want to think about it. She was not ready to think about it. She needed to know the truth, before she could finally close the door behind him.

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz

Her phone buzzed again in her pocket and she looked at the display. It was Misa Amane again. KT let out a sigh and answered the phone:

"Hello Misa-san, how are you?"

"Hi KT-san! I am great! You?"

KT was slowly walking through the streets as they were talking: "Good. Thank you. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I am still thinking about our lunch a few days ago. I had sooo much fun talking to you! I thought you and I could go to coffee, to talk a little more and get to know each other. You must feel soooo alone being all the time with Ryuzaki and the rest of the task force. They can be sooooo boring."

KT raised an eyebrow and smirked. Expressive abilities of this woman was something unheard of: "Sure, I would love that. I could certainly use a friend to talk to."

Not that I can tell you anything…

"Awesome! So tomorrow?" Misa squeaked.

"Well maybe the day after that. I am out of Tokyo now, due to some investigatory things, and not sure when I'll be back tomorrow."

"Oh, okay. No problem. Do you have someone with you? I hope Ryuzaki didn't send you out alone. Japan can be dangerous for a lone woman."

KT rolled her eyes: "No, don't worry. Matsuda-san is with me."

Misa let out so loud and high squeak that KT almost jumped with shock.

"Matsu is with you? Can I talk to him?" she asked after a moment with a normal voice.

"No, sorry, he is already in our hotel room. I am currently on my way there."

"You two are sharing a room?" Misa's voice was full of enthusiasm.

KT's chest started aching again at that thought: "Yes. Hotel was full, unfortunately."

Misa chucked: "I think it's good. Matsu is a greeeeeeaaaat companion! Make sure to spend as much time with him as you can!"

KT rolled her eyes: "Yeah… not that I have a choice tonight."

"Allright, I won't be bothering you anymore. You just go and hurry up to your room. And enjoy yourself!"

With that Misa hung up.

KT was staring at her phone for a moment with a frown: She will try to push us together. Great. That's just great.

Next time: Light manages to break through Beyond's killing pattern as well as through L's defense.