Hey Guys, depression sucks and it sucked me down a deep dark hole of no motivation. So I'm sorry it took so long to get you this. I am working on the EPI now, it will be 25 reg chapters plus the epi. I will attempt to do weekly updates if I can remember lol

I love everyone's reviews they mean so much to me.

Chapter 21

Bella POV

I can't stop staring at our tree as I add the last present to the ridiculous pile. It's too big and looks like it climbed out of a magazine. One of our Christmas traditions is that each child gets two presents under the tree before Christmas day. It looks absurd with eighteen presents under it. To me, there are just too many, and half of them are large presents. By the time we finish putting Santa's presents and the rest of the family's gifts under there, the room will be overrun.

With everything that's happened in the past few months, guilt consumed both Edward and me, and we overbought. I'm sure the kids don't have a need for most of the things we bought them, and it's not just our household we went crazy on. Our entire giant family will be gifted well this year.

Being home as much as I have has changed the way our family does things. Every single night we eat at the dinner table and talk about our day. All the kids are expected to be there unless previous plans have been made and approved. I joined the PTA; I've read in the twins' classroom. I've become so involved, I can't believe how much I was missing out on before.

Edward has gone back to setting up sports and coaching little league basketball and even dabbling in wrestling. We hoped it would help bring Damon around.

My lost son has become so withdrawn he doesn't even speak. The last display of emotion, which was anger, reared its ugly head at the funeral when he noticed David, Trisha's father. It was complete chaos. David started to blame Damon, then Lucian came out of nowhere and cold-cocked him.

Afterward, Damon was catatonic. He went to his physical therapy. He attended school, completed his work. He even went to the state championship to support his team. He didn't cheer or walk with them, but he still went. And when they won, the team tried to give him the trophy, but Damon just handed it over to Lucian.

He doesn't talk anymore; he does no more than he's expected to. Damon just sits and stares at nothing; simply existing.

The kids try to interact with him, but most have given up. Julie hangs around him reading and listening to music but just stays as a constant companion. Sam goes in there, talking about her day, about the shows on tv. She even talks about her homework as she does it. Lucian hangs out with him a lot, too. He talks about school and helps Damon keep on top of his work.

But Lucian gets upset when he doesn't get a response out of his normally verbose brother. Damon doesn't rise to the fight, and Lucian gives up and leaves for a while.

Mike tried for a bit too, but he's at a loss for his brother.

My son. What I would give for him to pick a beer up and argue with me about why he gets to drink it. My outspoken child that let nothing slide. The mother in me is grief stricken at his devastation and wants to take away the pain. The mom in me can't truly understand his emptiness, but I can empathize with him. I want my son back.

For almost two weeks, I had to force him to eat and drink. Edward had to drag him into the shower. I tried to reach him in different ways, but in my lifetime, I had never experienced his loss. No one in the family really had.

The closest was Edward when his ex screwed him over with her lies, but Damon withdrew even further when Edward tried to broach the subject.

I look into the den where I see Damon holding Wyatt again.

Damon has seemingly become obsessed with Wyatt's care. He'll push people out of the way to take over doing whatever Wyatt needs at the time. Damon bathes him, feeds him, and even puts him down for bed.

I have no idea if I should put a stop to it or let it play out.

I feel my husband's arms around my waist, pulling me into his chest. "He's had him all day; pretty much gave me the death glare again for trying to take him to daycare."

I sigh. "Did you manage to get him to daycare with the others?" We only have the little ones in daycare twice a week to help with socialization. Then I can run errands without worrying about whether they'll behave in the store.

"No, I didn't have the heart."

I know how he feels. There's been nothing to spark Damon anymore, so to see some form of it... I can understand letting it go.

"We need to go to counseling, all of us," he states, bringing me further away from everyone.

I look up into his eyes. "Why all of us?"

He pulls me into our room. "At first, I thought it was just Damon but shit, Bella, all our kids but the little ones were abandoned. And after what happened with Damon, we should all just go. It might even help Damon to see all of us go and not feel targeted."

I feel a moment of self-doubt. He's right about all the kids, but four were abandoned by their fathers. Yes, Edward is the best stand-in, but it's not the same when you know that the man that helped create you walked away without a second thought.

"You're right. After the new year, I'll start looking for a therapist for us."

He kisses me gently. "Sounds like a plan."

*AFOC*

Christmas starts off with Lily screaming, waking up the dead from a town over in excitement.

Usually, the kids know to grab their stocking first while Edward and I try to sleep in a bit. But our daughter's excited screeching gets us up out of bed.

"What time is it?" Edward asks, half asleep.

I peek at the clock. "It's six."

"Fuck, I hope one of the teens started coffee."

I agree with a mumble as in a zombie-like state, I grab my robe, slipping it on over my sleep pants and tank.

We were up until almost two-thirty in the morning making sure everything was wrapped and put under the tree, plus doing all the stockings.

I should have expected a huge reaction since we had so much crap for the kids. I don't think we thought it through enough.

Edward is behind me when we arrive downstairs to find out that all the kids are up. Damon has Wyatt, Michael is helping Lily with her stocking, and the twins have theirs already dumped out on the floor and are appraising their loot.

Lucian walks in with two cups, handing them to me and Edward. "Merry Christmas."

"Thank fuck," Edward mutters as he greedily takes the cup.

I laugh; taking mine while wrapping my arm around my husband's waist. The kids gather around, and I tell Julie and Sarah to pass the presents out.

"Really?" Sarah asks.

"Of course, I think it's only fair. Damon and Mike did it last year."

Julie smiles hugely as she dives in and starts separating the gifts. Wyatt squeals from Damon's lap, trying to grab the presents as Sarah and Julie set them down by his feet. I can't help but take picture after picture with my phone. It's been way too long since I captured this much joy in our home.

My gaze finds Damon, who's helping Wyatt open his gifts, but he doesn't touch his own. I shouldn't be surprised that even today, he isn't willing to open up.

"Damon, what did you get?" Lucian asks from his spot on the floor near his brothers. Lucian looks over, realizing Damon has opened nothing, and shakes his head.

"You can open them later, Damon. How about we start breakfast?" I sidetrack my oldest, hoping that he doesn't pick a one-sided fight with his brother today.

It isn't long before the family arrives, and we exchange more gifts. Damon's growing pile remains untouched.

I shouldn't be surprised that when it comes time to go to bed, his pile is still by the tree, unopened.

Oh, yes, in the new year, I'll be making calls.

Think they should have got him help sooner?

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