Steve took his time driving home, making sure to spend as much of the night on the road. He wanted to show Loki the city that never sleeps, the streets he used to call home though he could now hardly recognize them.

He peeked over his shoulder from time to time, finding the god glancing around in absolute wonder. Loki stared at all the passing skyscrapers and countless neon lights, the colors reflecting on the face-shield of his helmet.

The blond thought back to their date and the kiss they shared. A moment he wished he could hold forever as it was absolute bliss.

Yet, for reasons Loki would not share, turned south within a split second.

Steve could still vision the raven's horrified gaze, every muscle turning to stone before he threw his arms around the blond. He could still feel the god's tight grip on his body, holding him still even though he tried to move away.

The split second of quiet distress that back then surged through the mortal's heart still lingering in his chest.

He looked over his shoulder once more, a smile forming on his face as he saw Loki stare at the passing street performers. He seemed so happy and at ease, a state Steve has barely seen since the day they met. It was when Loki's arms moved a little snugger around his waist that he concluded that the raven had never meant to scare or hurt him.

They stopped halfway home at a drive-through, Loki's mind barely processing the concept of being able to order and eat dinner without even leaving a car. It was something Steve was hardly used to either, his first time visiting one being with Clint, Bruce and Tony after only a week of being in the twenty-first century. Although he had some trouble adjusting to the concept, he did remember all the laughter as Tony and Clint argued over who would order first while Bruce just kept apologizing to the staff.

He wanted Loki to experience this Earthly practice as well, ordering them both a simple strawberry milkshake and a cheeseburger.

The two men didn't return home until the sun was already starting to show its early morning colors. They moved without sound, like thieves in the night trying not to wake anyone. Steve held the god's hand, guiding him along as Loki was still busy kicking off his boots. The captain could not help but laugh at the raven's Cheshire grin, his green eyes glistening with mischief in what little light lingered through the tower.

Loki could barely contain his excitement, even though he had no idea where this feeling of elation was coming from. He had moved around the tower before, he was starting to get familiar with the grand chambers and labyrinth of hallways. So why did this all feel so new? So exhilarating?

Maybe it was because he never had to sneak around before, the dead of night passing as he held Steve's hand. Maybe it was the mortal's giddy smile and gleaming blue eyes as they ran up the stairs, not wanting to stand still in the lift.

Maybe it was the restrained sniggering as they entered Steve's floor, looking over their shoulder to see if anyone had noticed them, the feeling of getting caught red-handed brewing with restless energy in the raven's stomach.

Whatever it was, Loki was absolutely loving it.

'Doctor Banner and I had a little chat yesterday,' Loki's voice was low and still barely above a whisper as he and Steve entered the captain's living, his wicked grin never falling from his face. 'About you.'

'Is that so?' Steve turned around, still holding the god's hand in his own as they absentmindedly walked towards the large couch. 'Must have been an interesting talk, judging by that smirk of yours.'

The raven shrugged smugly, 'He so delightedly informed me of your past- your body, that is.' He looked the captain up and down, finding it hard to believe that the now 6'2" mortal was once nothing more but a frail, sickly scamp. 'The fact that the serum created this entirely new body is absolute astonishing. Midgardian science is truly…' He looked the captain over once more, his eyes fixated on the man's perfect body. He stood close to the mortal, hands resting on his chest and lips moving over the skin of his neck as he whispered in a sultry voice; 'spellbinding.'

Steve chuckled as he looked away, color rising to his cheeks. 'Yeah, I- I was sick a lot as a child… astigmatism, scoliosis, arrhythmia, pernicious anaemia.' His smile faded as he stared at his feet. 'It really wasn't all that pretty, actually.'

Steve would never forget his feeble and sickly body, even as it seemed to be in an entirely different life. How he cursed his illnesses, how he damned every hour his mother had to work overtime to pay for his medicine. Even thinking about it now still flared his anger, his frustration and helplessness.

'I was even partially deaf…' the blond continued bitterly. 'Basically, I was chronically ill from the moment I was born. At the time it was all considered due to poor genetics. It nearly cost me my life in more ways than one.' He took a deep breath, fingers twitching as he continued, '"Some people are born to be a burden on the rest" – signs like that used to cover the streets. A movement called Eugenics believed that all people poor, sick of mind or body should be sterilized or euthanized to improve genetic quality…'

Steve barely dared to look up, his mind swirling back to what was once his life. As he did, though, he found two emerald eyes staring back at him with nothing but sadness. Loki seemed at a loss of both words and air, his breath stuck in his throat as he attentively listened to the captain's story. He eventually shook his head in disbelieve, 'That is absolutely revolting.'

'Hey, it's okay.' The blond swallowed quickly and forced on a smile. He did not want Loki to worry over him, did not want to saddle the god with any more burdens than he was already carrying. 'I actually got lucky! I mean, if it wasn't for my mom taking care of me when I was a kid, a-and Bucky helping me out when she passed away, I would have probably ended up in an orphanage and I would've been dead.' Steve spoke indifferently and smiled, trying to lighten the mood, yet knowing he was failing.

He looked at Loki, who merely stared back at him in complete horror.

'You know?' Steve continued to try and smile while he explained, 'because the government allowed children who lived there to die of neglect?' He felt a twinge of fear pulling at his heart, his body quivering softly as he once again wondered whether he was extremely fortunate as a child or simply cursed. 'It's ironic, really…' his voice was now barely above a whisper. 'Captain America and the Super Soldier Serum are essentially an experiment in Eugenics. They put a chronically ill, disabled man in, and they get a genetically engineered super-soldier out…'

A heavy silence followed in which both men seemed lost for words.

Steve regretted every word he spoke, not wanting the raven to worry over him. He had no idea why he was telling this all to Loki, nor why he was still, after all these years, shaking with disgust and hurt. Yet more importantly, he had no idea how to save what was left of a perfect night. He realized all too well that he had ruined their moment, had selflessly burdened a god with his troubled past.

'Steven,' Loki's sultry voice was gone, replaced by a broken whisper filled with grief. 'I am so sorry. Dear Norns, I did not mean to- When doctor Banner and I talked- we had no idea…'

'I know, it's okay,' the man smiled as Loki placed his hands on his cheeks, only noticing the tears that had formed in his eyes as the god gently brushed them away. 'It's in the past now.'

'Yet it still haunts you,' the god wrapped his arms around the slightly taller man. 'You have been through so, so much… Why have you never told me before?'

Steve let his head rest on the raven's shoulder, his voice but a mumble as his face was buried in Loki's pale neck. 'Because it doesn't matter anymore. I just want to be here for you, Loki.'

'As I for you,' the raven pressed a kiss against the mortal's temple, fingertips soothingly caressing his back. 'You are so brave, Steven. And so very strong. You carry so much burden and yet all you care about is others.' He took a step back, making sure to look the blond in his gorgeous ocean-blue eyes. 'But you really do need to tend to yourself from time to time. You cannot carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone.'

'…I don't want this to be about me…'

'And I do not want this to be about only me either.' A gentle smile formed on the god's face before pressing his soft lips against those of the captain. 'Even though I… I am not quite sure what this is, exactly. This… rather peculiar relationship, between you and I.' Loki struggled to find the right words yet kept trying to voice his feelings. 'But whatever it is…' he held Steve's hands in his own, his forehead resting against the captain's. 'I can only wish we can do it together, trusting each other with whatever future, grief and bliss, the Norns will bestow upon us.'

'… Do you trust me?'

'I do.'

'Then why do you leave me in the dark?' Steve's words were soft yet dripping with hurt. He never wanted to ask the god, never meant to push Loki into answering questions about his past. Yet he could no longer keep himself from asking. He could no longer bear to witness Loki getting lost in his own mind, reliving every horrid memory. 'Why won't you talk to me?'

Loki's lips parted as he took a shallow breath, words stuck in his throat. '… I have tried,' he eventually whispered, his shoulders lowering as he showed an almost defeated smile. 'I truly have tried, but I can't. I know you are weary, and I am sorry to be such a burden on you. However, it is just as you said; It's in the past now. I do not want to talk, I merely want to forget.'

'So do I, but sometimes we simply have to face our demons. Maybe- maybe we both need more help than we would like to admit. Loki, whatever it is that happened to you, you can't just-' Steve felt a pair of lips pressed against his own before he could finish his sentence.

'Please, kiss me,' the god whispered as he wrapped his arms around the mortal's neck, his body leaning against Steve's. 'Make me forget.'

'Loki…' Steve moaned softly as the god moved his hips against his groin. He felt Loki's tongue pressing kitten licks against his lips, soundlessly asking for entrance. The blond's mind was a mess, his own emotions and memories halting his rational thinking.

He knew he should be strong and should not be taking advantage of an insecure and distressed god. Yet he had grown too weary to stop. He closed his eyes and gave into the god's silent querying as he opened his mouth, his hands now resting on Loki's small waistline.

Loki let his tongue explore the captain's mouth, just as the mortal's hands seemed to chart his lean body. He pressed himself closer against the blond, moving him backwards till the edge of the couch was pressed into the back of his knees.

The raven convinced himself he could do this. It will be Steve admiring his body, Steve who will show him hope, patience and gentleness. This would be different from all the times Thor whispered words of false love, of Thor violating his body and reducing him to utter humiliated and self-loathing mess.

This would be what he needed to forget.

Steve eventually looked the god in the eye as he broke the kiss, tasting nothing but despair.

Loki's entire physique seemed to beg, 'Please…'

If only Steve would listen to that small voice in the back of his head, shouting to stop, yet it was too far gone, drowning in his own emotions and memories of a past long gone. Maybe he needed this act of kindness and connection just as much as Loki did. Born in poverty during the Great Depression, growing up in constant sickness after which his body was completely modified so he could fight during WWII. All of this to finally crash into the icy depths of the Arctic, erasing everything and everyone he knew as he woke up seventy years later. And even after that fate had decided to haunt him still, abduct him and make him fight a war in name of a cruel and piteous God.

Maybe he was, indeed, growing weary. Maybe he could finally admit just that, if only to himself.

He gently grabbed the god's hand without a word and guided him towards his bedroom.

He realized that none of it felt right yet was too tired to fight any longer. Plus, if this was what Loki truly needed to recover, then who was he to deny him?

They stepped into the room and stared at the neatly made up bed before Loki once again pressed his lips against Steve's. He slowly moved forward, making the captain walk backwards till he fell on the bed.

The god slowly climbed on top of the soft matrass, legs straddling the mortal's hips as he pressed kisses into his neck. He moved down, biting softly into Steve's collarbone, earning him a soft groan coming from the man beneath him.

Loki's heart pounded in his chest as he stared at Steve, head tilting slightly as he swore the man's eyes were starting to grow dull.

He blamed it on the darkness of night.

He cautiously moved forward, his hands roaming underneath Steve's shirt and lifting it to bare his chest, showing the irritated skin which he had just marked with his teeth.

Steve moved up, removing his shirt and wrapping his arms around Loki's waist. He kissed the god's shoulder, sucking at pale skin till it turned red. He fumbled with the god's denims, looking up at him in search of reassurance before unbuttoning.

Loki merely answered his insecure gaze with a hesitant kiss. He moved out of bed, stripping himself of his sweater, his socks and jeans while Steve did the same. The two looked at each other in silence, both too scared to speak, both too uncertain to engage.

The air was heavy with hesitance as Loki was starting to doubt his decisions. Maybe Steve was right after all. Maybe ignoring was not the right way to cope, yet it still seemed the easiest.

He contemplated stopping before for a brief second, yet it was Steve reaching out for him that let all these thoughts disappear like smoke in the wind.

Steve, who was always kind to him.

Steve, who will always be there for him.

Steve, who will help him forget.

Steve held out his hand, waiting for Loki to return to him. He prayed for a miracle, for Loki to tell him it was okay, and that he trusted him enough to talk. Yet all hope faded as the god placed his hand in his own and stepped into the bed.

The raven wrapped his arms around Steve's neck, letting out a sigh of contentment as the blond lay him on his back in a pile of pillows. He rocked his hips as Steve pressed kisses to his chest, slowly moving down to his stomach, his hands caressing his legs.

Loki moaned, head tilted back as he felt the mortal's hands on the brim of his boxers, willing himself to enjoy. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as his heartbeat increased, drumming loudly in his ears. He panted, chest heaving as the captain removed his underwear and slowly dragged it down his lithe legs. He kept his eyes closed, not daring to look, too ashamed to acknowledge his still soft cock.

Steve pressed loving kisses against Loki's thigh, moving upwards to his groin and stomach. He did not know what to do other than to try and make the god as comfortable as possible, trusting Loki to tell him to stop when it would all become too much. He let his hands roam over the god's body, massaging his tense muscles and lifting his leg to wrap around his waist. He managed to remove his own underwear and covered the god's body with his own, gently rocking against him as he pressed kisses against his temple.

Loki kept his eyes closed, his arms wrapped around the blond's neck as he laid perfectly still. He could feel the mortal's hard dick rub against his own slowly erecting cock, the gentleness of the friction almost too much to bear.

Thor had never showed him this much tenderness, never bothered to think of his comfort and consent. Thor's rough hands always tore the raven's clothes if he was not quick enough, his cold voice ordering him to move and comply. Thor would always press into him the moment Loki was close enough to touch, not caring for his pleasure nor for the searing pain he bestowed upon him.

Thor would never care for him, nor show him compassion.

Thor…

…Thor…

The raven started to panic as he had sunken to the darkest part of his memories. He was breathing harder and faster as the body on top of him moaned softly. He felt hands caressing his skin, lips pressing gentle kisses all over his chest.

He did not want this. Not Thor's body. Not this newly shown false compassion. Loki's lips moved as he felt a warm breath in his neck, mouthing for the blond to stop. His fingernails dug deep into the broad shoulders above him, scratching in a desperate attempt for the Thunderer to get off him.

He begged Thor to stop but the words would not come out, remaining stuck in his clenched throat. His heart was pumping loudly in his chest, oxygen barely making it to his lungs as he completely froze in fear. He was suffocating, Thor's unbearable act of false kindness slowly killing him.

'… St-op…' the raven whispered so soft he could barely hear himself, let alone his older brother. He managed to gulp for air before shouting; 'Stop!'

The body hovering over him stilled completely.

It was only now that the god dared to open his eyes. He held his breath as wide sapphires gazed at him. Loki's attention was drawn to his left hand as he felt warm liquid slowly dripping over his skin. It drenched his fingers and slowly moved down his wrist.

He looked down at his hand and saw that it was pressed against the blond's stomach in a fist, his mind short-cutting as noticed his skin stained in blood. He slowly unclenched his fist and gasped as he only now realized he had bored a dagger deep into the man's stomach.

'Lo-…ki?' Steve wanted to move, but every little twitch of his muscles ended up in hot pain flaring up his spine.

'No… No, no, no, no,' the god's lip quivered as blood began to drip onto his own body. 'No! Oh Norns, I am so, so sorry!' tears rushed down his face as he desperately tried to wipe the ruby liquid from his skin, resulting in his body tainting completely with red smears. 'I- I did not mean to-!'

'Hey. Loki, it's okay, look at me.' Steve tried to remain calm, 'I'll be fine. It's nothing.'

'Please…' the raven sobbed helplessly. 'Please don't lock me up. Don't put me back in that cage, I beg of you!'

'Wha…? But I would never-'

'I am so sorry… Thor…'

Steve's heart shattered the moment he heard the Allfather's name falling from the raven's lips. He felt completely devastated, tears burning in his eyes as Loki cried beneath him. He did not know how to console him anymore, his mind blank as he let his head hang low.