Chapter 15: Conflicted Emotions

Cassandra's POV:

I wake up with a killer headache, I look around, my heels are off and I'm in a hallway, laying on the floor. I look around and realize where I am, I'm outside of Rachel's apartment. How did I get here, I really don't remember? I tried to stand up but I was a little dizzy. I looked at my phone and seen it was already 7 AM. Surprised no one was in the hallway giving me strange looks laying in a hallway. I close my eyes for a moment when I heard a door open, I look up and the person sort of eyed me before heading off.

I rest a little longer before getting up and I was about to leave when Rachel's door opened and she appeared, she looked like she was going to go out for a run. She was surprised to see me here. I was honestly surprised to be here.

"Before you ask, I don't know how I ended up here, I apparently slept in the hallway," I run my hand through my hair and she looked at me with a sad look in her eyes.

"I um... Should I go get you an aspirin, you look like hell," she smiled at me and I just wanted to take her in my arms and never let go.

"Thanks for the compliment, and an aspirin sounds nice, mind if I don't come in though, I know you have your visitors," I sighed. Really why did I want to come here?

She went into her apartment getting a glass of water and some medicine, before coming back out. I took the medicine and handed her the glass back, smiling as it had stars on it, she let me drink out of her 'special' cup. Rachel left again, but this time she came out with a pair of shoes.

"I think you should wear these shoes, you wear heels right now you'll probably fall on your butt," she looked at me with a grin, she seemed to wake up in a good mood, that was good, she wasn't awkward around me like I was being around her, she could also be holding herself together well, a little too well I might add.

"You're so considerate. So how are you enjoying your um... sort of single life? As you see I'm not handling things very well." I noticed some marks on Rachel's collarbone, it made me a little queasy, this hangover was killer. "Actually I can tell it's going alright, I shouldn't have come here, seems you're handling things just fine," I go turn to leave but she grabbed my hand.

"Cassandra, you are unaware that I drunk a whole bottle of wine last night, all by myself. Sure it looks like I'm living the high life, but I'm not, I was very miserable without you last night, but that's not how this happened, I wasn't drunk when this happened," she pointed to her marked skin.

"I guess I am at fault, I wanted you to get over your confusion, I probably pushed you right where you wanted to be, in the arms of someone who wasn't me, too bad for being in love."

Rachel looked at me with her pouty eyes, "Cassandra, contrary to what you're thinking right now, I am in love with you, but you let me go. If you loved me you wouldn't have let me go, why does nobody want to fight for me? All I've been hearing is I should have fought for you, like I shouldn't be fought after now. I don't understand. Everyone claims to love me but they have a funny way of showing it, I thought you would be different, I really did. Maybe I'm just better being married to my job, it's the only thing that hasn't disappointed me in my life." She shook her head, looking at me before storming off.

She was going to make me run after her, I definitely don't run when I have a hangover, but she was right, if I loved her I would fight for her, I was stupid to just let her go like that. So I ran after her, well half ran, I was a little dizzy so I was half hobbling. I rushed up to her and grabbed her by the hand, turning her around, "Rachel, I'm sorry okay? I just sort of flipped seeing that someone else marked you. You're right I shouldn't have let you go, that was my mistake. I just thought I was doing what was best. Apparently I was wrong and I just did it to make things easier on myself. I love you more than I ever loved anyone else Rachel, I'm new to this whole thing. Pushing people away is what I'm good at."

She looked at me, and sighed, "Yeah you push away people and then you drink yourself to not remembering what went on the night before. You know last night I thought you were having sex with Brody, out of all people? I know you wouldn't do that, but when you didn't answer your phone I got worried."

"Trust me Rachel, there is no one else that I'd wanna be with, it just hurt thinking that you could be confused when I was willing to give everything to you. Can you blame me for being so paranoid of losing you?"

"If you were so paranoid of losing me, why did you not just fight for me? You pushed me away and now I'm trying to figure out what's really real, and what's not in my future. I just hope I figure out that you're who I'm supposed to spend my future with."

"I want to be that person you spend your life with, I really do. I love you Rachel Berry, and I plan to always love you. I should let you go for your run now."

"I love you too Cassandra July," she smiled sadly at me. Why did love have to be so damn confusing? "I'll see you around, and please don't drink yourself to death."

I nodded, "I won't, I promise, I have a possible future with you to look forward for, that's reason enough to keep me going," I moved to kiss her cheek, and she ended up turning her head and I got her lips instead, she wrapped her arms around my neck, and melted into the kiss. I couldn't help my hands as they slid down to grasp her ass, she offered a small moan before pulling back.

"I should go get to my run now, before I end up letting you take me here in the hallway."

I smirk, "You say that like it's a bad thing," I reply as I watch her walk away, I couldn't help but stare at her ass, licking my dry lips. I turn as I heard footsteps in the hallway, still dazed by the kiss I just shared with Rachel. I looked at the woman, I think she was named Quinn, I remember her from the reception.

"You must be the oh so famous Cassandra Rachel keeps talking about," she looked at me, she must have seen the moment me and Rachel shared in the hallway.

"Yeah I am, are who are you exactly?"

"Quinn Fabray," she greets, sticking her hand out for me to shake, which I hesitantly did.

"Were you the one who spent the night with Rachel? She had marks on her collarbone, and I wasn't sure if it was you she was with," she made me uncomfortable but maybe I could find out what exactly Rachel seen in her. I could tell, Rachel did seem to attract some pretty great looking blondes. I couldn't exactly blame Rachel for falling under Quinn's spell.

"No, but even if I was it's sort of rude to ask someone that, isn't it?" She crossed her arms, well she had bit of an attitude, seems like I knew what Rachel's type was, I was just like Quinn, and I'm pretty sure Santana was the exact same way. I knew how to fight back with my words.

"Maybe, but not as rude as leaving before Rachel wakes up after a night of amazing passion with someone she's loved since high school," I rolled my eyes and she glared at me.

"That's none of your business, did you two make up?" she asked and I smiled.

"Maybe we did, maybe we didn't, that my dear Quinn is none of your business."

"If it concerns Rachel after you broke her heart by abandoning her just for some confusion, then I think it's my business. You wanted her to figure things out so I should at least know if I should continue trying to claim what is mine."

I looked at her, "You really think Rachel is someone to just claim? She's a human you know, I guess you don't know how to be human, you seem pretty heartless to me. What we have is real love, you wouldn't know what it was if it hit you in the face."

"I kind of want to hit you in the face, but I'm better than that. You lucked out, you talk shit to Santana she would claw your eyes out," she rolled her eyes and walked off.

Quinn's POV:

So that was the person Rachel was so in love with? I don't see what is so special about her. But what I said was true, Santana gets talked to like that she'd chew Cassandra up and spit her out, twice. I headed out towards the coffee shop right next to Rachel's apartment complex, the nerve of that Cassandra woman.

I wasn't expecting Rachel to be there I thought she was going for a run, I place my coffee order, and waited for my coffee to be ready before I go sit down in front of Rachel. "You have a good morning there Rach, I seen Cassandra in the hallway as I was heading down."

She looked up at me, "Oh how did that conversation go?"

I shrugged, "She seems kind of stuck up, a bit of an attitude problem."

Rachel laughed lightly, "You say that like you weren't that way in high school."

"But on a grown woman that just seems sort of childish." Rachel shook her head and I noticed marks on her neck, "Aah I thought that woman was making stuff up. You know she asked if I left those marks on you, if she knew anything about me she would know I don't leave marks on your neck, as I recall I don't leave marks at all, Santana is kind of sloppy now, isn't she?"

Rachel blushed, and looked guilty at the same time. "Yeah, I wasn't even aware until Cassandra brought it up. She got really tense when she seen them, at least you can joke about it," she sighed.

"Yeah, I thought I heard soft noises in your room last night, I thought I was just hearing things. But I'm sort of confused I caught a glimpse of you and Cassandra making out in the hallway," I look at her, and her blush got even darker.

"That was only because she was going to kiss my cheek and I turned my head, nothing worth being confused over. Neither was last night with Santana, we agreed we didn't get a proper goodbye in our relationship and we sort of accomplished that last night. Now I just got to figure out what I'm going to do about me and you."

"Well Cassandra claims that I don't know what true love is. And maybe I want to know what it is, I thought I knew but now I'm uncertain."

Rachel shrugged, "I don't think any of us really know what true love is, we're still growing up and finding our mature selves. Like if I had true love in Cassandra I wouldn't be confused about you, and I was confused about Santana but after last night, it was a nice night but I felt like we really gave our relationship a proper end."

"So you're really going to stop being with Santana?" I asked, and she nodded.

"I mean unless me and Cassandra don't end up together and we don't figure something else, but other then that I'm sure me and Santana will just be friends and nothing else."

"Well with us you have to think if you can handle another long distance relationship or not. And I mean I'd probably get jealous knowing I'm at Yale and you're in New York where two of your exes were at. I really just think you should stick with Cassandra, it would be easier on all of us. And on yourself," I ran my hand through my hair and Rachel pouted, reaching over to grab my hands.

"I'm not used to seeing you in your emotions it saddens me to think we couldn't at least try to work something out. I know I'm in love with Cassandra, but that doesn't mean I don't love you," she looked down at our hands, before pulling them back. "You know maybe this is too confusing."

I nod, "It is, I think it'd be best if I go back to Connecticut early," I don't think I could handle four more days in the city, being this close to Rachel. I didn't want her to be confused, she was happy with Cassandra even when they were apart. I don't get a happy ending and I accept that. At least I had to accept it.

She just shrugged, "If you think that's what's best for everybody," Rachel got up and I could tell she was upset.

I stood up and grabbed her hand, "Rachel, I don't know what you want from me, you claim to want to be with Cassandra, so why are you getting so upset that I decide that I should leave? You kissed me yesterday morning and you got upset, you spent the night with Santana, and you are making out in the hallway with Cassandra. You're the one making everything so confusing. If you claim to be in love with Cassandra why are you messing around. I don't want to be here to watch you make a complete fool of yourself," I said in an almost shout. "This is why I never admitted to liking you in high school, the only thing you know that you want is Broadway, if it's not that you act like you don't know any better. I know you have better common sense than that," I release her hand and grab my coffee then I leave the coffee shop. I was not going to look back. How could she be so confused if she's so in love with Cassandra?

Rachel's POV:

I watch Quinn walk away, I stood in my spot, tears filling up in my eyes, I blink and I feel them running down my cheeks. I wasn't expecting her outburst. I loved Quinn, feelings like that don't just go away, I just was holding on to a little bit of hope that maybe I could actually have Quinn. We had a past that was true but I thought there was something still there. She was holding back I think, I couldn't have her, I just had to accept that, Quinn wasn't just going to get into her feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I should have dated Brittany in high school, she never once made me feel so heartbroken.

I just had to work on my relationship with Cassandra. I know I loved her, but I didn't like these what if thoughts going on in my head. I didn't want to end up alone, but I didn't want to be hurting anyone anymore. I finally got myself together to go on my run. I left the coffee shop and ran into Cassandra.

She looked at me with a smirk, "Running into you twice today, it must be my lucky day. I thought you were going for a run."

I just look at her and pulled her into a hug, "Cassandra, I'm sorry for everything, I-I don't want to hurt you anymore. I wish you didn't give up on us yesterday, I want to be with you Cassandra, I want you back."

I felt her sigh, wrapping her hands around me, comforting me, "Rach, hey it's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself. I shouldn't have ended things alright? I thought I was doing you a favor."

I nodded against her, pulling away and looking at her, "Can we just forget that yesterday happened, can we get back to being us again? I miss the feeling of us being the only two people in the world." She smiled at me, she was everything I wanted in life, why should I hold back? I wouldn't let the past get in the way anymore. She leaned down to kiss me, I relax into the kiss, she made me feel relaxed, everytime I was in her arms, it just felt right. I pull away licking my lips, "Cassandra, can I move in with you?"

Cassandra smiled, "I think that's the best idea, Rachel."

I nodded my head in agreement. "I'm really going to go on that run now, I would like it if we could get dinner tonight."

"I'd like that, I'll see you at my apartment at seven?"

"Seven sounds perfect, I love you."

"I love you too, now get out of here," she patted me on my butt and I shook my head. Life would be okay again, I knew it would be.

Santana's POV:

I ended up waking up around 10 AM, I turn and look at the spot beside me Rachel wasn't there, I mean I didn't expect her to be especially since she always let me sleep in after a night of passion. I was sad to think that we settled on last night to be a proper goodbye, a bookend on our relationship. It made my heart ache a little bit, but I'd be sure to bounce back, especially after seeing a voicemail on my phone saying I got the job at the diner. That meant I could work with Dani, and that was enough to cheer me up.

Brittany ended up coming in my room, she looked kind of pouty, "You weren't on the pull out couch when I woke up, and Quinn isn't here or Kurt... or Rachel. I'm glad they didn't try to wake me up." She looked at me and then perked up, "Wait, what are you doing in Rachel's bed? And are you naked?" she bounced on her heels and I shook my head.

"It's not what it looks like Britt, well it is," I blushed, "But don't get your hopes up, it was a goodbye to our relationship kind of night. I'm sure Rachel is with Cassandra right now, and who knows where Quinn is." I sit up and grab my clothes from the floor, sliding them on underneath the covers. I used to be able to get dressed in front of Brittany, but now that was just embarrassing.

She moved to sit on the corner of Rachel's bed, a pouty look back on her face, "Oh so it's like definitely over with you two now?"

I nodded, "I'm really sorry Britt, I know how much you were rooting for us. But it's nothing to be so sad about, look we both can move on and be happy now, I was miserable still wanting Rachel after our break up. But I think I can finally enjoy my life, not clinging onto Rachel. Now you just need to not cling on our relationship so much."

She nodded, "You know I just wanted everyone to be happy, I didn't like seeing you so sad, and confused, but I guess since you are happy I can just forget about you and Rachel being a thing." She left the room and I laid back down, running my hands over my face. I heard movement a few moments later, I finally get out of bed and Rachel is home.

"Hey Santana," she greets me, a smile on her face, I couldn't help but smile back, I noticed I left marks on her collarbone, and she looked sweaty from running, that's what I assumed that she was doing.

"Hey Rach, I wanted to say thank you again for last night, it was very enjoyable."

"Yeah it really was, have you guys seen Quinn?" she asked, looking a little upset at saying her name.

"I actually just got up, and Brittany hasn't seen her."

Rachel looked around, "Well her stuff is still here, I guess she didn't leave for Connecticut yet."

"Connecticut?" I asked, and Brittany looked at me and shrugged.

She nodded, "Yeah we sort of had a meet up at the coffee place next door, she was upset and said she was going to go back to Yale a little earlier than planned. I'm going to go take a shower, I hope she's okay," she slumped her shoulders and went to go take a shower.

"I guess Quinn wasn't happy about those marks I left on Rachel, and here she goes wanting to run away, again." I roll my eyes, that's why me and Quinn could never work she was over dramatic sometimes.

Brittany shrugged. "It's sad that Quinn can't find any happiness."

"Well it's her own fault there Brittany. She would have gotten her way if she wasn't so cruel to Rachel in high school, I helped Rachel move on from her, but somehow I think she wants a chance with Quinn or she did?" I shrug, I wasn't going to tell Brittany their business of sleeping together.

We heard the front door open and Quinn appreared, "Where on earth have you been Quinn?" I asked her, pretending like I was upset she was gone.

"I've been around the city, I was in thought. I met Cassandra this morning in the hallway, apparently she was drunk or whatever and ended up sleeping in our hallway. You would hate her," she told me.

"I'm done hating her..." I told Quinn, or I was pretty sure I was done hating on her. "So Rachel told me you were heading back to Yale early?" I eyed her. "Always running away from your problems, aren't you?"

If looks could kill, I would sure be dead right about now. "I'm not running away from any problems Rachel's the one with the problem, how could she love someone and still want to figure things out with her past? Apparently she doesn't have a clue what love really is."

"And you do?" I looked at her and laughed. "Give me a break Fabray."

"I never said I knew what love was Lopez, I do know that I'm not going to stick around any longer. I was doing fine until you made me come here."

"You could have said you didn't want to come, you obviously wanted to come for some reason."

"Yeah and you wanted to come make Rachel's life miserable and the name she made for herself. But here you go end up fucking her last night."

I look at her and laugh, "I see now why you are in such a shitty mood, you're just pissed that Rachel wanted to be with me last night, that she wanted to be loved and feel loved and she knew if she had gotten you you would have just left, just like you're threatening to do now," I cross my arms. "So go, run away, see if any of us care."

"I already switched my flight for tomorrow at noon, I'll be out of this place soon enough, don't you worry about that," Quinn walked off to the kitchen, and I look around for Brittany, I wasn't sure where she went. I knew she didn't like it when me and Quinn fought. I figured she was probably hiding in Rachel's room. I slumped on the couch, it was going to be a long day.

Brittany's POV:

I waited for Rachel to get out of the shower, Quinn and Santana were yelling and bickering and I didn't want to witness any of that. I sat down on Rachel's bed, smiling as I knew Rachel and Santana shared a nice evening together. I could only hope this meant they could start things back up again. Santana said nothing would be happening but I didn't buy it. I had to hear Rachel's side of the story.

Rachel came back into her room, startled to see me there. "Hey Britt, did I hear Santana and Quinn fighting? I hope it wasn't about me."

"It wasn't exactly no. Santana doesn't like Quinn running away when things get too tough and stuff. Sure you're probably the reasoning they had an argument, I didn't stay too long to listen. I hate when they fight." I sigh and Rachel sits down next to me.

"Why do I feel like I'm the one always causing trouble? I'm not even sure I want to tell them that me and Cassandra are back together."

I frown a little but I knew Rachel just wanted to finally be happy. Away from all the drama and people she left behind. "You shouldn't have to hide the fact that you got back with Cassandra, you love her and the other two just have to realize that it's okay," I told Rachel and she nodded, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I love her a lot Brittany, I feel so happy around her, no stress it just works. I can't imagine my life without her, but why do I feel so guilty for having these thoughts?"

"You just don't want to see anybody get hurt, you have to do what's best for you though. So I guess what happened with you and Santana last night was a goodbye sort of thing then, like a real one."

Rachel nodded, "Yeah it was nice and I felt like we actually had a proper ending. Now I can focus on my relationship with Cassandra."

"That's good that you're able to not be so confused anymore. So did you need help packing your things I'm assuming you'll be living with her now?" I asked, curious of plans.

"Yeah, but first I really am going to need to talk to Kurt," Rachel frowned