chapter 17: the world is crashing down around us
Taki - 7 June
"Hello?"
"Mitsuha, I... I just have to talk to you about everything. I'm really sorry about everything I said before, I..." I exclaim.
Out of nowhere, the other side interrupts me, "Wait no… I'm not Mitsuha. May I know who you are?"
"My name is Taki. I'm a…" I answer, dumbfounded, hesitating for a second, "a friend of Mitsuha's."
At least I hope that's how she sees me.
"...May I know where she is?" I continue, curious.
"Well… she… can't talk right now. She…" they trail off, their voice shaky, suspiciously changing the subject, "...o- oh I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Mitsuha's sister, Yotsuha."
Something isn't right.
"Well, um, hello... Yotsuha. Uh… yeah I was thinking if I could talk to Mitsuha as soon as she's available? Did…something happen to her?" I probe, the fear within me growing.
There is a short, dry silence before she answers.
"There's no easy way to put this but…"
She pauses, for an uncomfortably long period of time. My gut tells me what she's about to tell me isn't good.
"...M- Mitsuha tried to kill herself. She overdosed on pills and w- we found her twenty minutes ago. We're at the hospital waiting right now; she's in the ER. I just- I don't know why she did it," Yotsuha stutters grimly, her breath heavy with sorrow.
Time seems to freeze at that instant. I can't feel my fingertips. I can't feel anything. I can't think. My mind is a complete void.
And after what seems like an eternity, I suddenly realise. Revelation crushes my heart like a sledgehammer. It's a tidal wave crashing down on my pathetic state of ignorance. It was brutal.
I'm at a loss for words.
Guilt floods my systems, filling every nook and cranny with its pain. I regret all I ever did to hurt her: all the support I never offered; all the care I never showed. It hurts. It hurts to know that I just dismissed all of her struggles. She was pleading for help, for someone to be there. I should have believed her. I should've done something.
What is wrong with me?
Momentarily redirecting my attention to the call, I exhale, tears building up under my eyelids, "I- I'm so sorry. This… this is just so much."
We both just don't say everything for a moment. There was really nothing to say. It was just a tiny, painful silence.
After a while, Yotsuha gulps somberly, "Well, you uh…" She hesitates, "You sounded like you had something urgent to talk about with Mitsuha… you called quite a number of times."
"Well yeah, I…"
I pause. I can't bring myself to say any more. Not after I treated Mitsuha like that. The shame overwhelms me.
"I guess you...could come visit her. At the Tokyo University Medical Hospital. I'll update you on her ward."
I swallow hard. I have to go see her. I need to make amends. I must.
"O-Oh, thank you so much. Can I drop by sometime soon?" I ask, hopeful.
"That's fine," Yotsuha replies.
"Well then, thanks. I'm sorry about Mitsuha. I-" I mumble, my tears choking me, "I really hope she'll be alright...Bye."
She gulps, "...See you."
That was the hardest conversation of my life.
But now, I finally have the opportunity to meet Mitsuha again: an opportunity to make things right.