Earthbound Angels

by Julia Fernandez Hiwatari

Kai Hiwatari, who is one of two doctors in a small town, is riddled with guilt about a long-ago event and searching for closure. In time he finds strength in giving sanctuary to those in need of it.

18. Chapter 17

Hello! ^^

First off, I want to say a HUGE, LOVE AND APPRECIATIVE FILLED THANK YOU and give a big HUG to ALL who've been sticking with this story, as well as leaving reviews, and messages to tell me what you think. It all sincerely means the world to me, and I'll never be able to thank you enough.

This chapter is dedicated to Rainbow-Winged Phoenix, PreciousRoy, and LuxahHeart - three of the most wonderful people on the planet. Not only have they helped me become a better writer in many ways or another, but they've supported me through thick and thin. Love you all to bits! I hope you like this update! :)

Speaking of epic help, the lovely LuxahHeart helped me with two sweet scenes that I was super stuck on. A hospital scene that was between an 18-year-old Kai (who she was) and my (same age as Kai) original character, Saori Kusanagi (who I was). The second scene was between them where they are both 36 and we play the same roles.

Also, for any Smallville fans, there's a few homages for you. (I would say Easter eggs but you're not watching this.)

The songs used later in this chapter are; "You and Me" by Lifehouse, and "Baby I Need You" by Kim Taylor.

Anyways, enough of my ramblings, enjoy the long chapter everyone! ^^

Chapter Seventeen: Life House

The sun rose slowly, another sleepless night having come and gone.

For Kai, nights like last were coming more often again. Though as a doctor he should, he truly didn't count Monica's poisonings as sleep because he wasn't the one doing it, easing himself to fall asleep.

While sitting up, legs long tossed over the edge of his bed, he watched the sunrise through his bedroom window. It's beauty was as captivating as always.

It was cueing five o'clock in the morning on a Friday- leaving day. If all went well they would be there by mid-afternoon, evening at the latest. Thursday was spent looking over the photos Max sent throughout that time and signing many, many documents.

Once the sun's show was over, Kai stretched with a noisy yawn, his joints popping. He quietly stepped out into the hall, carefully closing the door behind him.

For a moment he took in the quiet, listening to the house breathing. But the work side of his brain soon put a stop to that. They had a schedule to keep to.

Kai pulled on the chain and went up the stairs once they were down.

"Hey, Makoto," Kai said as he gently shook him. "You gotta wake up."

The boy stirred, rolling over with one bleary eye grumpily squinting up at him. "Five more minutes."

Kai stood tall and said, "No can do, bud. We've got a long day ahead."

Kai removed his blanket and said loudly, as if he were leading a drill, "Alright, let's go! Get up!"

Makoto sat up with a groan, his hair an unruly mess.

"Makoto, I need you to eat, get cleaned up, pack your things. We need to be in the Kermit green van outside no later than eight. I'll help get Gou settled and ready to go just focus on you."

Makoto nodded, though he was still trying to process it all. Why was all this happening so early? "I'm on it."

"Everything will be left open, so I can hear if you go back to sleep."

While Kai left the single day sober Makoto to it, he went down to stir up Gou.

As the boys ate a filling breakfast of oatmeal, fruit, eggs, bacon, and cheesy grits Kai took one more thorough walkthrough before he officially called it done with. Then he went to get himself ready.

In the span of two hours, all were headed out the door and out to the roomy van Kai had borrowed from Max. Once seats had been picked, beds and suitcases hauled, Kai drove off.

"Where are we going?" Asked Gou from his spot in the spacious passenger seat, watching the house grow more and more distant until it was out of sight.

Kai turned a corner onto another dirt road as he said, "Away. Somewhere new."

Gou yawned, nodding yes that he understood. He'd figured they were leaving. "I figured, considering you were taking beds and stuff apart."

"Everyone needs a fresh start. It's been a long time coming, and I'm an idiot for not doing it sooner."

"You're not an idiot." Gou somberly complimented, "In your shoes, I don't know if I'd have been able to do it."

Kai let up on the gas, seeing the speed limit sign on the side of the road read 30 miles per hour. The sensation of driving after so long felt surreal, weird.

Driving through the bus stop, Kai said, "I'm not talking about just being ready to move on. I put my life on hold, your life on hold, our relationship. I meant well, but I've been so focused on making a life for us that I forgot to include you in it. I chose work over everything else. At least my actions say that. I tried to be there, home as much as I could, but it just wasn't possible. I'm sorry for all of it, but things are going to get better. You'll see me all day, every day, unless I absolutely have to make a house call."

Gou's eyes lit up, "You're getting your own clinic?!"

Kai smiled, his eyes still on the road, "Yeah. It'll be in our new home, but there's enough room I can securely separate you all from them. IF any of them have to stay."

Gou relaxed into the seat, floating and suddenly feeling more exhausted than ever. Makoto went back to sleep the moment he could.

"You're that happy, huh?" Kai said, seeing how he felt.

"Yeah."

As his dad turned another corner onto the main road he pressed down on the gas, speeding up again. Gou covered himself up and fluffed out his pillow.

"Me too. Get some more sleep. I'll wake you when your rooms are ready."

Gou nodded, the Sandman quick to take him hostage.

In the tenseless stillness, while Kai drove slower down the steadily busying streets, his mind went back in time.

---

A young boy around fourteen spat blood out of his mouth into a dirty sink in his bedroom, the rush of the rusty facet's water filling his ears. Cold droplets splashed up in splatters onto his dirty face. He washed his scratched up face and scared body as best he could with some sopping wet paper towels and soap, careful to avoid tearing anything open again. He didn't need fresh blood on top of everything else.

A young man entered, stepping over the threshold of his nearly bare room as he took in his surroundings. A small orphanage, how typical.

He had a bushy, broom mustache and a mop-top of brown, curly hair. He was round and fat like a balloon, wore a nice, four button gray business casual suit with polished shoes, and rounded hat to match. His skin was pale and he had glasses slid down his nose, making his deep, chocolate brown eyes bigger and pop even more.

"Hello." He cheerfully said as he stood outside of the boy's so-called room, his voice sounding a mix of light, bubbly air and syrup coated.

The boy scowled icily at him and then continued to clean himself up, mentally wishing he could either make him disappear or melt him into a puddle.

The silent watcher noticed the boy had trouble cleaning his back, it looking just as unkempt, and dare he think gross, as the rest of him.

"Would you like some help?" The man nervously but still kindly asked, inching slowly toward him.

The boy gave him one last murderously nasty look. His visitor seemed shocked by that. He looked the mysterious man over, questions racing through his mind. If those manipulative and brainwashing monsters were being so careful, how did he find them?

The man offered the damp boy a big, kind smile as if he were seeing his favorite nephew, and began to speak in Russian again. "My name is, Mr. Dickenson, but please, feel free to call me, Stanley."

"Fuck off!" The boy spat.

"I can't, I got call that said you needed my help."

"Liar!" He screamed.

Upon doing that there was a crash and some yelling out in the front area. It was a language the boy didn't understand but maybe it meant that he, and many others, were finally free? Then again, it could just be a trap. Maybe he'd heard of him and wanted him for himself, for his own purposes?

Stanley waited for the noises to subside before speaking again, "Not to be rude but I am a busy man. I'll leave whether I'm lying, or not, for you to decide."

As he turned away, Stanley leaving, the boy ran out into the hall and saw the monsters being led away in handcuffs by two men, one on each arm.

Before he knew it something inside him had stirred and he was running on auto pilot, towards him, and whatever awaited...

Kai made his way down the long set of carpeted stairs, dressed and ready to go, his boots loudly pounding on the old wood. Walking all around the downstairs area, he looked around for someone, anyone. In the silence he slowly realized there was no one there but him.

Out of the corner of his left eye, Kai saw a red flashing light and turning, saw that it was coming from a small black box. What on earth was that thing?

Inspecting the hard plasticky thing, Kai found a small wire and saw that it was connected to the wall behind the table. What was this blinking contraption?

From the odd box came a blaring, repetitive screeching noise. The moment he heard it, Kai threw the alarm clock away from him and ran away from it, up the stairs, in sweat filled fright. Halfway up the stairs he found himself out of breath, his hand on his heaving chest, his heartbeat up. He hadn't felt this much anxiety triggering fear since he left, since his first doctor appointment where he had to be put to sleep, the trials.

While he kept trying to catch his breath, Kai looked back to see... Wait, why wasn't it chasing him?

"Kai?"

Kai's gaze fearfully snapped up to the feminine owner of the home, a Mrs. Judy Tate, Max's mom.

Donning her usual fluffy, cherry blossom pink housecoat and fuzzy, matching slippers, the worried woman smiled welcomingly at him.

While Kai looked up at her, doing his best to breathe, he wondered what she was going to do. Would he be shot at for being up without call, or would she beat him for showing his emotions? He was allowed to do that, right? Right? But what if it was a lie? What if they were baiting him into a trap, going to just use him? His mind raced with those questions and the possible probabilities, making his panic and anxiety rise higher.

Before he knew it, he was pleading in Russian for her to spare him and that he was sorry for stepping out of line. The fact that she didn't understand the language slipping his mind, again.

Judy looked the young teen over in confusion and slight worry. He was panicking again, and he looked at her as if she was going to shoot him. The poor dear. Yesterday he'd heard the television for the first time and almost had a heart attack at the noises, not to mention the surround sound system. He thought he was being yelled at and couldn't understand anything. In the end, he'd covered up his ears and hid up the tree outside. For a moment she pondered if they'd gotten an overseas orphan or a humanoid cat.

She slowly slid her right foot an inch forward, saying softly, "Come on, Kai. You're in good hands."

Before he realized it, she'd urged him downstairs and sat him on the sofa. A moment later the alarm clock had been shut off, the sudden silence soothing to them both.

Kai relaxed at the noiseless air, being able to hear his own heart rate slow down and his breathing was nice.

"It's five o'clock in the morning, what are you doing up?" Judy asked, bringing him a hot cup of coffee and sitting away from him on the other side of the large couch.

She'd learned from Mr. Dickenson that he didn't like a lot of close contact unless he initiated it himself, which was pretty much nonexistent. She also learned that he had a peculiar habit of distancing himself from people if he was unsure of anything. He'd once found him underneath his table in the kitchen. Kai later said, after he'd talked him out, it was because he was cooking dinner for them. Kai didn't like others touching his food. Whatever the reason, Mr. Dickenson just let him handle his own meals from then on. Ok, but what did being up so early have to do with any of that?

"It's one of the rules, mandatory, the sun will be up soon, so I have to be up." He told her flatly, his English still hard to make out. But she picked up on enough.

Ok, now it all made sense to her, kind of.

"You don't have to do that anymore." Judy told him kindly, "If you are tired then go back to sleep. In America we don't fuss at people for sleeping when they need it."

Kai felt his nerves loosen up, his shoulders untangle.

"I am, allowed to, sleep now?' He said slowly.

"Yes, as long as you like."

Kai nodded and strode back up to his bedroom. But before he turned 'round the bend of the stairs, he turned and asked, "What was that horrible noise?"

Judy calmly said, "It was my alarm for work. It tells me the time and when I set it to a certain time, it goes off to wake me up. I'm a heavy sleeper so I need something to yell at me."

Kai nodded, his mind still somewhat confused as he went on up. Why would anyone use something that screamed at you like that? That was an awful way to start the day as far as he was concerned.

Walking into his room, Kai lay sprawled atop the brand new bedding. It was so comfortable but no matter how hard he tried, just like all the other nights, his heavy eyes wouldn't close. His mind became louder, screaming everything at him from every angle. All he thought, felt, and struggled with, plus the crazy events of the past month. That new therapist doctor Mr. Dickenson was sending him to said he was traumatized, and he was starting to believe it. He still wouldn't trust him as far as he could throw him, which was pretty far given his strength, but maybe he was onto something?

Rolling onto his right side, facing the plain wooden door, Kai laid eyes on the plush, red bird the doctor's daughter had given him on his first visit. The plump, stuffed item sat curled up in a corner underneath his school desk. As warm as it made him feel, that someone gave him something instead of taking things away, he scoffed at it. That girl was a noisy, nosy pain. She was lucky but next time, if she got too close again, he'd no doubt hurt her. That of which he was torn about. Boris said that kindness and caring was for the weak, and he'd show them that he wasn't weak.

The hallway was clearing out, teens and staff saying their goodbyes and the younger leaving in their usual band of small groups.

Kai shut his locker, turning the combination lock on it until it clicked.

"Hello." Mariah said with a bright smile, her golden eyes gleaming with happiness.

Kai arched a brow at her. Were Max and her, along with the rest of the world, related?

"Hi?" The sophomore let out, his accent very prominent still.

She flashed him a bright smile and asked, "Um, you live with Max and his mom, right?"

Kai nodded, shifting the bulky, bulging backpack on his shoulders.

"Great! My ride home impatiently left me behind, would you mind walking me home, I live one house away from you, on the right side."

Kai licked his lips, and without looking at her, nodded. His stomach felt tight for some reason, flip flopping, like bugs were fluttering around in it. Now why was this happening?

Must be the lunch I ate. Kai thought, feeling annoyed at himself. He just knew that lukewarm bean burrito and sugary fruit salad would come back to haunt him.

He followed Mariah out into the parking lot. As the two walked he spied Max on the phone with his mom while he made his way home, some several feet in front of them.

"So?" Mariah started, the two walking slowly beside one another. "What's your name?"

She'd heard his name before, they shared gym class with Ray and Tyson and Algebra with Kenny and Max but she wanted to hear him say it. She'd never heard him speak it before.

Kai gave her a look, visually asking her if she was serious. She damn well knew his name because he damn well knew hers. They shared the same stuff two hours a day, and lunch.

He let out a breath, this was customary. Normal people did this everyday so he had to do it too. He knew some English now thanks to Max and the other adults. As well as his therapist and medical doctor, Dave Kusenagi, and his obnoxious daughter. Would she ever stop giving him those stuffed birds?

"Kai Hiwatari." He finally said.

Mariah glowed, that voice was smooth like butter.

"You?" Kai added, trying to show her how stupid this was.

"Mariah Wong." Though she didn't seem to care. "Ray is from the same village in China that I am. Both our parents left their home when we were babies and settled here. My mom says it was so we could have better opportunities and a more normal life. Not sure what Ray's parents think. Asked once, didn't get an answer."

She babbled it all off in rapid fire, unknowingly making Kai's head spin. This was too much at once.

"Uh, ok." Was all Kai said.

The two finally turned the corner that led into their street.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye." Mariah said as she veered off in the direction of her nice home, the cheerleader gleefully waving goodbye to him. "Thank you! See you on Monday, Kai!"

Kai fought the urge to flinch and cover his ears at the loudness, barely raising his non dominant hand above his chest to wave her off.

As Mariah stepped inside her home, and Kai up to his, he couldn't help but wonder why he didn't want that interaction to end. And to top it all, why did he feel so warm and airily happy all of the sudden? Why did he want to talk to her more?

One Monday some weeks later, after school, Kai sat high up on the bleachers inside the gymnasium. He was waiting for Max to finish a test he was retaking.

Below, on the floor, were the Junior wrestling team and their coach, Mr. Granger, Tyson's father. From what he'd seen, the two weren't very close. Their relationship strained, with Tyson acting like he didn't exist. And he was on him all the time, berating and embarrassing him at any chance.

He watched as Ray tackled Johnny McGregor, putting him in a chokehold. The two were clearly giving it their all on the spongy, large dark blue mat. Their other teammates and the coach were watching nearby, he clearly not impressed.

"Ray, we both know you can do better." He called out, sounding condescending as always.

Kai observed as Johnny got the upper hand by flipping him forward, all of Ray's weight slamming loudly onto the mat.

Ray got up, rubbing his lower back, a grunt and a groan leaving his mouth.

"Great job, Ray. You'll get him next time." Came an encouraging Crusher, who's booming voice echoed throughout the room. He was a much taller teammate who seemed to be growing at Kai's rate. For a second Kai wondered if he'd seen him before, and then his bullet brain shifted to wondering if his joints hurt like his at times.

Crusher, who never openly said his last name, was a large man with a tribal tattoo on the right side of his face. He normally wore an orange hoodie with the yellow straps on the sleeves of the hoodie rolled up. Under that, he wore a teal tank top or a black teeshirt. Along with that he either wore beige cargo shorts or cargo pants and plain, white tennis shoes. While wrestling he wore white, fingerless gloves and the plain gym clothes the school provided.

Though he was intimidating, most called him a cotton candy stuffed grizzly bear because a simple interaction would forever change ones mind about him.

Johnny, who saw that Ray was grabbing his towel from his chair to dab off the sweat, he caught Ray's attention and raised a fist, hoping Ray would catch the hint and bump him back.

All this for Kai went in slow motion. Before he knew it, he'd blindly charged toward them in a rage.

Kai punched the Scotsman in the face without hesitation, his hard right sending the redhead swirling and slamming into the wall of other, closed, benches near them.

Before Kai could land another blow, Crusher stepped in between them, allowing Johnny to get to his feet and the coach to take him to the nurse.

"Move it, out of my way, fucker!" Kai spoke, absentmindedly speaking in Russian because he couldn't think of the correct words to say in English or Japanese.

Crusher exchanged confused glances with Ray, neither understanding the native language Kai spoke at times.

"I don't know what you're saying, but what you did wasn't needed. No one did anything wrong." Crusher said, hoping Kai would understand, pick up on what he meant.

Kai's scowl became deeper, his scarlet pools flaring with malicious intent. Didn't he see that Johnny was gonna hurt him? Ray was part of Max's friend group, and as the oldest of them, he had to do something. That was what he did, protected those that couldn't protect themselves or were in harms' way.

Ray's instincts picked up on this and stood in between the two with his arms spread out wide.

Ray, with his fangs visible and golden eyes slit like a feline's, warned, "Back off. Not the time or place."

Kai stepped up to him, unfazed, "I won't allow anyone to hurt you."

"Speak in English or Japanese, Kai." Ray tried, keeping himself calm.

Kai stepped back and shot him a nasty look that openly expressed his true feelings, but he didn't dare say it. That would mean being forced to do something against his will and his already fragile mind couldn't bare that, not again.

While Kai went into the boys locker room, presumably to collect himself and cool off, Ray went back to Crusher who appeared more than just a little bewildered.

"What the hell was that?!" Crusher said, louder than he meant to.

Ray collected his things, seeing that practice was over, and then looked at Crusher out of the corner of his right eye, his long choppy bangs obscuring parts of his senior year friend. "I don't know, haven't known him very long. A few months maybe."

Crusher just shrugged at that and, after getting everyone else's things plus his, left for the nurse's office too.

Ray went to the locker room, still upset, but not as much. With his satchel hung on a single shoulder and gripping the strap with the connected hand, Ray spotted Kai stiffly sat, slouched over on a bench. One of the long ones out of sight from the doorless entrance.

Kai's pale, slender fingers were in his hair, bunching it up while his pointy elbows pressed painfully into his thighs. Skidding closer, Ray noticed some of Kai's fingers were holding fistfuls at the roots while others tugged at the oddly colored strands, no doubt causing him great pain.

"Hey, you okay?" Ray asked as he sat next to him, realizing something was off with him.

For a moment or more Kai said nothing, keeping his face hidden.

"Are you alright?" Ray tried again, speaking slower than usual.

"Don't tell him." Kai muttered in Russian, a rush of cold fright filling him.

Ray reached out to him, only to back away when Kai faced him, looking half-crazed and panicked.

"Don't tell him!" Kai shrieked in English, backing away a few steps.

"Don't tell who what?" Ray asked, kind of scared, not sure what to make of the typically emotionless man's crazed outburst.

Kai then punched the wall of lockers, badly denting the one closest to him.

Ray ran off to Dr. Zagart's Chemistry room to get Max, not wanting to be left alone with his classmate anymore.

In minutes, Judy and Mr. Tate came running in with Max and Ray. The two adults made the teenagers stay outside of the locker room while they went on inside.

"Kai?" Mr. Tate softly began, his wife Judy a step behind him.

The bank teller slowly went up to the teenager he saw as his second son, and knelt at the left of him, Judy doing the same on the other side of the crumpled up mass now in the corner.

"Kai? How was your day?" Mr. Tate tried, wanting him to talk.

The pair exchanged worried glances. The two noticed Kai's shoulders moving, and inched in to hold the quietly quivering boy close.

Max tapped Ray's shoulder, and pointed toward the open bleachers. Ray got the signal and followed him, peering back at the huddled ones as he stepped by, time slowing down for him.

That night, the family walked into their home, the latter still shaken from his mental ordeal.

Mr. Tate led Kai up the stairs, his burly arm supporting him at the back while Kai tearfully mumbled apologies over and over in Russian.

"Take it easy on Kai tonight. Just let him be." Judy asked, her eyes telling him that the conversation with the principal and the doctor appointment had both ended badly.

"Yes, ma'am." Max said, his heart breaking for everyone but mainly for Kai.

A heavy quiet filled the home, Max spotting his dad come down, looking forlorn and drained of joy.

"Dad?" Max said, hesitant to speak. He gulped, nervous.

"We're going to send Kai back. He'll be living with Mr. Dickenson again, starting tomorrow."

"No!" Max screamed, surprised at himself. Tears blurred his vision and he felt his world crumbling.

"Dad, please, you can't do that." He choked out.

Mr. Tate walked about the living room picking up random trash.

"I don't wanna be alone anymore." Max sobbed out, breaking his father's heart and most-likely his mom's too, who was in the adjacent kitchen.

"I know you want a sibling, Max, and you'll still see Kai, he'll just be monitored by a cop and living where he won't harm anyone, or you." Mr. Tate told him frankly, his voice uncharacteristically firm.

Max ran upstairs, and in his rush tripped over his own two feet. His dad rushed to help him up but Max brushed him off, acting like he wasn't even there.

Max pushed open the door to his older brother's room, not caring to knock, something his parents and even Kai disapproved of, but he'd make an exception here.

Without a word, and ignoring the open suitcase and duffle bag on his bed, Max rushed to hug him.

As always, Kai fought the urge to shove him off. This was the last thing he needed right now but then he remembered that he could take things slow, so he let the boy two-years his junior have his huggy way.

"Max-" Kai said after a bit, Max's sobs still consuming his hearing, ultimately crowding his senses.

Minutes passed before Kai finally found the strength to hug him back, somehow holding him just as tightly as Max was him.

With tears stinging his eyes, trickling over the edges, he said, "How? With all the goings on, how can you hold me like nothing has happened?"

Max gave him a loud sniffle, letting his hug tell him he wasn't the monster he assumed all thought he was. "Because you're not a bad person. You're a good person who bad things have happened to."

Kai was left tongue tied, his aching heart breaking as he sobbed with him, neither letting their brother go.

The following afternoon, Kai sat in the gymnasium again. This time he was waiting on Max to get out of swimming practice. While sitting in his usual spot atop the bleachers, Ray approached him.

"Hey." The Chinese man said, his tone kind as always.

Kai looked up from his hands in his lap and at him. "What? Come for payback?"

"No." Ray said, casually sitting down beside him, "I wanted to check on you. Make sure you were alright. Johnny's pissed at you but he's pissed at everything. We'll do our best to keep him away."

"I'm fine." Kai said, his voice dull as if he were bored.

"You sure? Max said you've had a rough life."

Kai shrugged his shoulders, "So what, it happens."

"Kai, most people don't do what you did unless it's been really bad. I'm here to help if you need anything."

Kai modded, "Ok."

Ray got up, and as Kai watched him step down the bleachers his eyes caught something laying at his hips. Kai picked the book up and stomped up to him.

"Ray!" He barked, louder than he meant to.

Ray turned around, jumping a bit, now standing halfway between the floor and where he was. Why was Kai talking like a military man, like his father?

Mr. Kon was an ironfisted traditionalist in his rules and ideals. His mother, not so much, she was more modern and sensible, super sweet. But Ray still had little to no control over his life. Thanks to his mother, he had a good outlet though, the wrestling team. No one knew it, but they only moved here because Mariah's family had. His father liked to keep up appearances and with anyone who had more than he did.

"Yeah?" Ray asked, a tad nervous.

"You dropped this." Kai held out the book, and Ray looked to inspect it.

"Thank you, but it's not mine. It's Johnny's. He must've left it after the Meet. He lost it yesterday. I'll get it back to him." Ray said, tucking it underneath his arm.

"Well that's nice of you." Kai said, clapping his hands free of something, his tone much quieter.

"Yeah, it's what I'm known for." Ray gave him another smile, "See ya."

Kai nodded back, then he went to sit back where he was.

Ray went to join his friends, and while scratching his nose, he felt something powdery go up in it. This caused him to sniffle and cough. Figuring it to be allergies, because of pollen, he just ignored it. But why was his nose burning?

Amidst the noisy crowd of the school's Juniors and Seniors, Kai stood behind the long buffet table, far from wanting to socialize. Being a Junior here was still odd, but things were gradually getting better for him.

"Hey, Kai, what are you doing here?" Mariah said as she approached him, her stunning beauty sticking out more than usual to him.

Thank goodness the camera was turned off. No way was he going to let anyone see him like this.

"Hey, Mariah." He let out after a bit of silence, his tongue tied. Though he hid it well.

"You look nice." Mariah complimented, the multicolored, halo like lights behind her making her look angelic.

Kai cleared his suddenly dry throat, "Thanks. You too, very lovely."

"Thank youuuu." The pinkette sang, and then calmly added, "Have you seen Ray?"

Kai didn't have time to answer before she was looking around for him. Soon Kai spotted him, his heart breaking for her as he noticed her eyes following his.

Within the lights and balloons, Ray was happily dancing with Julia Fernandez. She was a member of the cheerleading squad just like Mariah. The two got along just fine but the long haired beauty didn't talk much, usually seen fussing over her two-tone tresses.

As a slow song came on, its guitar rhythmic and deep, Ray twirled her around with a big smile, her dainty hand wrapped around his finger. Who knew a wrestler could be so gentle? As she spun, her knee-length rose red dress swirled up and out, and then down again.

Fall orange and chocolate brown hair with smooth, light tan skin, and emerald green eyes. That made for a lovely combination. Maybe it was just a casual thing, just friends being friends? Maybe, like her she'd come alone, no date and he was keeping her company?

What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing, so much time...

Kai extended his hand to her, her eyes meeting his. Then he asked, "Would you care to dance?"

Mariah bashfully took his hand, it feeling warm, and watched as he went out from around the table, the two stepping closer to each other, their eyes locked together.

Slowly, Kai turned them, his hands holding hers. Mariah awkwardly went with him, the meld of dim lighting and shadows concealing them.

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

Kai let the music carry them, the lyrics speak for him. He felt at ease, on top of the world, truly himself. Like there was no one in the room but them, and it was nice. So so nice. Was this what most called 'being happy'? If so, he could live with it.

All of the things that I want to say they just aren't coming out right

I'm tripping on words

You've got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now

I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

And me and all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

At the splendid sounds of the violin, Mariah laid her head on Kai's chest, her kitten heels making it impossible so reach his shoulders. Was this supposed to mean something? If so, then what? Did Kai secretly like her or something?

What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive...

Finishing up the spin with a step, Kai stopped them, his eyes saying all he refused to, silently answering his school mate's unasked questions.

A week after the dance while walking her home from school, Mariah kept looking at the ground. Though them walking together was routine now, this wasn't. Kai gave her a confused look. Why was she watching her shoes?

"... Are you okay?" He asked after some minutes of watching, unsure of what else to do, Boris's sickly lies screaming at him to do anything other than what he currently was. Though he wasn't there as much Judy had rubbed off on him, Max too.

Mariah looked at him, her mind racing. With swift lips she said, "Ray asked me out."

Kai blinked a couple of times, letting his brain play catch up. "Asked you out?"

Mariah's eyes shifted uncomfortably from side to side, her cheeks becoming warm. "Um, he wants me to be his girlfriend, possibly."

"Ah. So, he likes you, as more than a friend?"

Mariah nodded, smiling to herself. "Mhmm... I like him too."

Kai let it go verbally, but on the inside he felt like he'd been crushed. Did their dance mean nothing to her then?

While fighting back tears his insides twisted with pain and his heart shattered, beyond repair it seemed. Boris's voice screamed at him more, relentlessly telling him that he'd told him so. But deep down, Kai still hoped the best for her, both of them.

The summer before their last year was a happy one, and Kai saw them openly expressing their feelings for each other many times, the sheer sight making him physically sick and angry. In times like that Max came to his aid, both distracting and consoling him in his own goofy, but endearing ways.

Senior year itself, however, became a tumultuous mess, with Ray and Mariah arguing and breaking up a lot because of their friendship. Kai was there to comfort and encourage her when he could be but Mariah steadily quit talking to him. In between school and doctor's appointments though, Kai soon became too busy to focus on her and the stressful, all-aspect draining drama.

Kai sat up in his small apartment on the second floor, in the computer chair next to his desk. He reread over some pamphlets Doctor Kusenagi had given him earlier. Anger Management & You, Living With PTSD, and Anxiety: The Silent Killer being just a few of them.

While he stewed over the day's session, there was a knock at his door. With a groan Kai got up to answer it. Disgruntled at the thought of visitors, he plopped the pamphlets onto his desk a lot harder than he needed to.

Kai opened the door to see the mail on his doormat. Seeing more bills, he picked the pile up and placed it on his nightstand for later. Then he locked the place up and went for a long walk.

While walking the path to the store he saw a crying and bruised up Mariah sitting on the curb by the road. He wordlessly went up to her and sat silently beside her; the two idle for a minute or two.

"What happened." Kai started, his voice colder than she remembered. At first she wasn't sure how to take it, but then she deflated, her rounded, tiny shoulders slowly inching away from her elvish ears.

"Ray assaulted me." She shakily said, trembling uncontrollably.

Kai's eyes went wide as he watched her cry. For a moment he was unsure of what to do, going stiff like a statue, but then he thought of what Judy said to him at times. She'd said it was alright to take things slow, as long as you showed you were there for them at the end of the day.

Mariah lifted her face to him. She didn't care how she looked, this was a rough time. "I don't understand. He has a sporadic temper but he's never laid a had on me until-"

"Halfway through last year?" Kai assumed.

"Yeah. He apologized a lot and I believed him. I went back to him again and again. But this was worse and I'm not sure what to do now." Mariah said, sniffling afterward.

Kai inched closer, careful not to scare her. He wanted so bad to say leave him, but she'd said before it wasn't his place to so he stopped speaking up.

"He was a wrestler so maybe he's on something. Johnny tried to offer me crack cocaine the year before so it's possible he's on that."

Mariah shook her head, "But that wouldn't make Ray lash out like that. He's too levelheaded, a peacekeeper."

Kai gave her a stern look, one a parent would give a child, "That's because his inhibitions are usually up. Crack cocaine is a stimulant, your inhibitions fall. You'd be surprised what drugs can do to the mind, how much they can shatter you into someone new. A reflection even you yourself don't recognize."

Mariah laughed, part of her not believing him, "Pffft, I'm sorry, but how do know?"

"I just do." Kai uttered somberly as he scooted away.

"Come on, you're an eventually found orphan right? You ain't been through that much."

All he did was glare at her, telling her, in a nice but still menacing way, to zip it, that she didn't know shit. He was completely done with this back-and-forth mess. It had been this way with them since Ray had gotten with her. Talking to him clearly caused problems between them, Ray probably being the jealous type, and Kai was beyond fed up with it. Either they talked or they didn't. Either they were friends or they weren't. She had to decide sometime, because clearly she couldn't have both.

"Well, it's in the past. Move on already." Mariah said, waving him off after a bit.

If only it was that easy for him. Nothing ever came easy to him...

It must be bliss to be so ignorant. Kai thought.

Kai's scowl became harsher, realization setting in. Ray had influenced her more than she knew. In a roundabout way, she'd changed.

Without a word Kai got up and went inside the store that stood off to one side behind them.

Mariah watched him go in, her gaze following him. Whatever he was doing, Mariah knew not to follow. Following him right now would probably be bad. Great, she'd pissed him off. Oh well, what else was new with him? Thinking back on it, he always seemed mad. His moodiness was really ridiculous at times.

Minutes later, Kai came back out carrying four bags on each arm. Despite all going on, he couldn't stop himself.

"You hungry?" Kai asked, briefly curling the bags up for her to see.

"Um, sure." She could still trust him right? Right.

The two walked back to Kai's place, Mariah helping him carry a few bags. Though he insisted against it, it was only fair.

"Oh my gosh!" Mariah said with a smile, walking inside the apartment behind Kai.

"What?" He asked as he craned his neck to look back at her, standing halfway between her and the kitchen.

"You have a collection?"

Kai felt his face heat up so he went into the kitchen to unload his arms.

"They're so cute!"

Kai rolled his eyes as he unpacked the milk. Thank God he'd given her the snacks!

"Where did you get them? I put the treats on your bed." Mariah said in two parts as she skipped into the entryway, Kai's back to her.

"Thanks. Someone at the hospital gave them to me. Not sure what they are or what they mean. I've just gotten one every time I go there."

Mariah gripped onto either side of the entrance. Standing there, watching him work, she said, "That fire bird flock is full of what's called a phoenix. It's a mythical, meaning made up, creature that burns when it's time to die but then it's reborn in its own ashes. Maybe the staff associate them with you? Lots of people seem to think of themselves that way too though. So it's not very unique but what do I know?"

"Ah. Cool." Kai said, indifferent to it. Yet, on the inside he found it interesting. What else could he learn about them?

While Kai put the rest of the food away, Mariah took a look around. The place was plain but still clean. How long had he been living on his own? It couldn't have been too long, he was only eighteen. His bed was neatly made. Most boys she knew were dirty and messy but Kai wasn't. He always made sure he was clean and smelled nice, or had on clean clothes. She'd almost consider him a neat freak if it weren't for his hair. That mop top was crazy. It looked like he had bedhead 24/7.

Glancing over the organized computer desk, Mariah eyed the pamphlets and her face saddened. Maybe he had been through more than most. Maybe he wasn't normal. Maybe he had a harder time fitting in than she initially thought. PTSD, anxiety, anger management, and a book on dealing with depression? Just what was all this for? Exactly what kind of issues did Kai have?

"Damnit!"

Mariah whipped around at his voice, scared.

Kai walked up to her, his lone set of keys back in his fist, "I forgot some potatoes. Wanna walk back with me? Let's get some drinks first."

"... Sure." Mariah said, flashing him a smile. Okay, so he didn't notice. That was a relief.

Within an hour the two had made their way back, the potatoes forgotten, Mariah helping a battered Kai back inside.

"It's okay, you're okay." Mariah said, his left arm over her shoulders.

It took all Kai had to let her touch him, take him off from the pool of knocked out young adults. He hated to say it, but he was lucky this time. Hopefully they wouldn't run into them again anytime soon. When the hell had they gotten so strong, moreover, when had he gotten so weak? Had Boris been right all along?

He recorded his video for Mr. Dickenson and signed off like always, Mariah by his side. He laid back down, Mariah stating that she had to go to the bathroom.

While that voice kept running through his head, he felt the room go cold. He felt small again, and like he was back in Russia underneath that horrid, greedy gaze.

When he finally came to, Mariah had taken his shoes and socks off, and they were most likely on the floor beside him.

Smelling something from the kitchen Kai got up to investigate.

"What are you-" Kai was cut off by the sight he saw. Mariah was cooking dinner.

Kai panicked, snatching the pan more harshly than he meant to.

"What the hell, Kai?!" Mariah shrieked angrily, watching as Kai dumped the stew she was making down the drain.

He flipped on the garbage disposal a second later, and let it obliterate it until nothing was left.

Mariah folded her arms over her decently sized chest and waited for him to explain himself while she fired her own daggers at him. I.e, her now slit cat eyes.

"What the hell was all that about?" Ok, forget waiting, she was beyond pissed.

"Don't ever touch my food or drinks, got it." Was all Kai shouted, feeling short of breath and suddenly tired and tight chested. "From now on, let me fix things unless they're strictly for you. Am I clear?!"

Mariah shakily nodded, fighting the urge to cry, "Ok, sh- sure."

The night air was calm and slightly cool, and things were going well for the two despite some hiccups here and there.

Around midnight, Kai blinked, coming down from his out of body traumatic trance. (It had morphed at some point while they were watching a movie, Mariah laying in bed next to him.) He heard the loud sounds of retching and sobbing in his bathroom, it seeming further away than usual. Mariah hadn't been living with him long, a week at most.

Laying on his left side, his back to the bathroom door, Kai's gaze drifted to the right, in the direction behind him. He waited, wondering if he would hear it again. If he did he would get out of bed and check on her. He knew from experience that sometimes puking signaled the start of feeling better but more than that wasn't a good sign. Moments later, he rolled over and walked steadily towards the tiny, cornered room.

Tapping his loosely fisted knuckles on the old door, he said, "Mariah?"

There was a flush on the other side, followed by some silence, and the squeaking of his knob. Meaning she had locked the door.

His impatience rose so Kai took a deep breath. Nope, didn't work. What was taking her so long? Where was his answer?

Kai knocked again, this time louder and harder. "Hurry up."

The door opened slowly, the yellow beam from the lightbulbs turning into a stream of light and becoming brighter.

Mariah sorrowfully peered up at him as if she'd been caught doing something illegal. But besides puking, what had she been doing? Oh yeah, she'd been hiding a secret from him. From the man she used to tell everything to. It was a secret she tried to bury deep within the recesses of her mind, a possibility she tried to forget about. If she pushed it aside and focused on the happy things then maybe she could pretend it never happened and not have to face the encroaching tsunami. The reality she dreaded was beyond words, but deep down she knew it to be true.

"I'm pregnant." She mumbled lowly.

She didn't want to admit it to herself. If she said it it was true, and she really didn't want it to be. She didn't want her life to be like this. This wasn't what she wanted. This wasn't happening to her, it couldn't be. She was the perfect girl who followed the rules no matter how much pressure she was feeling on the inside, and her boyfriend was a good man. He treated her well. Anything that happened to her was her fault, not his. He was an honest, attentive man and he had said he loved her so it was true, right? This was no different. If she smiled it wasn't real, It would just go away like all the other pains and problems, it wasn't real.

Kai quietly observed as she crumbled underneath the heavy weight of the mental anguish. With a slow, gentle gesture, Kai urged her to him. She practically collapsed into him, sobbing her broken heart out.

Kai let her cry for several minutes before his brain pushed that he needed to say something.

Wrapping his superhero arms around her and holding her close, their body heat warming them both up, he whispered, "Don't worry, you're in good in hands."

That was it, he'd verbally made his ever-there promise known, and he was bound and determined to keep it... Even at the cost of his own life. Yes, she meant that much to him. And subsequently, the unborn baby did too.

Mariah said nothing, but she didn't have to. Her louder cries spoke volumes to him.

Kai's eyes snapped open to the repetitive sound of beeping heart monitors and the feeling of sticky pads on his bare chest.

Realizing where he was he rolled over to one side, and saw someone familiar jotting down stuff on her clipboard.

"How did I get here?" Kai said, his voice sounding like he drowned in cheese graters.

Saori Kusenagi was a curvaceous and busty, golden blonde haired woman with bright, green eyes. Her skin was pale like Kai's and she often wore her hair up in a neat bun while working. Otherwise, she kept in down, sporting a bejeweled, white headband and instead of scrubs she wore sporty casual clothing that showed off her figure.

She lowered pen and from her seat beside the bed, gave him a big, relief filled smile.

"Welcome back." Remembering his question, she jokingly added, "The Grim Reaper dropped you off, said you were being too feisty, not listening to him. So father stitched you back up again."

Kai blinked a little, not finding her humor in this moment amusing. Not when he hurt in places he didn't even think he could hurt in, and not when he couldn't remember what even led him to be hurting like he was.

"Where is he?" He questioned, choosing to ignore her joke.

Saori pointed at the door with her thumb, "The Grim Reaper or dad?"

Kai's eyes narrowed at her. If it didn't hurt so damn much or all the wires weren't sticking to him he'd just get up and storm out.

"Your dad." He responded with a bite.

Saori's face softened into a warm one, her face conveying that she was sorry and just trying to liven up the place.

"He's with another patient at the moment. Gun shot victim." Her face soured, "He's in critical condition I'm afraid so it'll be a bit before you can see him."

Saori reached out to place her hand in his, but Kai visibly inched it away, flinching. She woefully retracted her hand, placing it on top of the clipboard in her lap next to the other one. Right, no sudden movements, give him space, time. How could she forget?

"Kai?" She began, scared to speak but worried to death about him. "What happened? I found you outside the the convenience store last night. You were bleeding, what'd Ray Kon or his goons hit you with this time?"

She wanted to hug him, hold him tightly and say that it would all be fine. But with a man like him, things seemed to never be fine for long. He was there so often the hospital must've seemed like a second home to him, unintentionally of course.

Kai's eyes opened wide, and he wanted to scoff at himself. Of course it had been Kon, again. Such a shame he couldn't remember anything though.

"Dunno. Something hard apparently given how much my head hurts." He grunted and shifted in the bed.

"Careful of the leads, don't tear them."

Ray Kon seemed to be a thorn in Kai's side for whatever reason. They scrapped a lot more than most.

"On a lighter note..." Saori said, another bright smile creasing her elegant, model-esque features. "I'm one semester away from getting my psychology license. Who knows, maybe you'll become my first patient. Then we'll see each other everyday."

She sounded more excited than usual about that, oops. Her face went hot and she bashfully looked at the floor. Crap, she'd said too much.

"Lucky me." Kai rolled his tired eyes as he puffed out a breath, "But congrats. I guess."

Saori's mood shifted, zeroing in on the intense pain Kai felt. She looked at him again, her expression more calm and comforting.

"I'm sorry..."

"For what? You didn't do this." He scoffed and finally had the strength to push himself to actually sit up, the pain in his head flaring and running down his back in waves until he was settled. It still lingering as a dull throb.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, nor should you concern yourself with what goes on between me and Ray." He grumbled, "I don't need more people pulled into it."

"Right... I understand, but you have nothing to feel bad about either. I may not know the whole story but something tells me you're abusively beating yourself up. And like always it's probably over something out of your control."

Saori sat at his feet on the edge of the bed, her eyes locked onto his dreamy face.

Kai rolled his eyes again at her, "Then why bother butting in if you don't know the story? I don't get in your business, so stay out of mine!"

Saori visibly jumped at his raging scream, her eyes wide with fear. She could see in his eyes that he didn't mean to raise his voice, scream at her as if he was threatening to attack her, but he had.

Saori hung her head low and went to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" Kai barked out unintentionally. He meant something else entirely but it came out completely wrong. He was so riled up at everything and trying to recollect the things he couldn't remember that he fired off.

No, he didn't like her always poking her nose in his business, but it was his fault he guessed. He kept winding up here to start with.

Saori turned back to him, trying to hide her emotions, halfway between him and the door.

"You seriously need to rethink quitting therapy." She said, walking back over to him.

Kai arched a brow in confusion, what therapy? Was this another one of her jokes because this time it went over his head.

"And you should probably stop popping pills that belong to your patients." He quipped back, not much of a jokester really. But he could learn, right?

Saori feigned a remorseful expression, "Aw, and here I thought I was being slick."

She ran up to him and put her wrists out and head down, "You caught me, officer dick!"

Kai snorted and looked away, "Sorry, I don't take prisoners." He grinned.

Saori stood tall with that same cheerful disposition. "Too late, you've already captured me."

Kai arched a brow, his head lulling back around to look at her. Waiting for her to explain what she'd said, all the while he felt something shifting in the air around them. Something that he didn't quite like.

Saori's face went steaming hot at the realization. Had she really just said that, flirted with him? He was her father's patient, not a school mate. This wasn't good, was it? They were both adults though. Could she do this? Would she go to jail for this, be robbed of her license? The possibilities were endless.

While her heart relentlessly pounded and mind rambled off, she caught sight of him. No, he was staring at her!

"Um, I'm sorry. I stepped out of line." She bashfully said, unsure of how to feel about anything at the moment.

"Well seeing as how I've had a few good knocks to the head, why don't you explain what you meant?"

Saori's heart went faster, her mind stopping it's runaround.

"Um... It means that I'm your friend... I care for you."

She paused, taking her seat beside the bed, the spot she'd secretly been in since the very beginning.

She looked down at her lap, half of her feeling shy while the other felt heartbroken.

Looking at him with a slight blush on her hopeful gaze, she finally said, "So, let me take care of you."

Kai's own heart went a bit faster, shifting on the bed again, a bit uncomfortably, as he let her words sink in around them.

He wasn't one for letting others care for him he always took care of himself unless he was physically unable to. He didn't like relying on others because all they did was disappoint in the end. He was, and always would be, better off on his own.

But...

"If you feel so inclined, I guess." He said in a softer tone than the one he'd been using with her since he woke up.

He didn't care much to see her looking so down, not when she had just been doing her job. Flawlessly at that too, while he'd always made it more difficult than it needed to be.

"And... I'm..." He shifted around harder, unable to bring himself to finish the apology.

Saori's breath caught in her throat. Was he about to apologize?

The air around Kai grew lighter and warmer, and yet it was still comfortable. Had his barriers finally began to crumble?

Saori got up from the chair, stood halfway between it and him. With a sincere and kind smile she said, "You're in good hands."

Kai gave a quick, almost jerking, nod back, "Thanks..."

In the next few days Kai was released, though he was torn the notion of being set free. Was he free? He used to look forward to it, but now, knowing he was going home to nothing but silence after weeks of compassionate company, this left him feeling defeated, lost. This was all his fault. If he hadn't of took her with him to the store... If he had been more visualant and not been knocked out, then maybe Ray wouldn't have succeeded.

Maybe...

Within the coming year things began to change, drastically. Because of the further mental anguish of breaking his promise, and blaming himself, Kai needed more appointments. Due to being too busy, he saw his original doctor less and less and Saori more and more. He was reluctant to at first but he steadily opened up to her. Within the first few sessions he realized he did still need stuff like this. But in the back of his mind, he wondered if it was the help he so desperately yearned for, or just her. He didn't want to admit it but his heart was shifting and he was feeling for someone else. Someone he'd found a nuisance but had tolerated over the years, had slowly turned into someone he looked forward to seeing. He was beginning to feel about her, around her, how he had with Mariah. And although it was unexpected as always, it was a mix of nerve-racking and very nice. With each passing day the feelings he had for her grew stronger. Eventually, he couldn't hold them back anymore... So, he went for it via a small note after a particularly hard day.

He worked with Mr. Dickenson, being his assistant at his knickknacks store. Like years before, he'd strategically wore makeup, which was started courtesy of Judy, but it only covered up so much so he still kept his distance when he could.

Saori walked into Kai's apartment, wondering why she'd been told to come over. She was reluctant to after being stood up, but maybe there was an apology in the works? Kai was definitely the king of, sometimes odd, spontaneous ideas.

The moment she opened the door, Saori saw a slew of lit candles. Specifically one on the night stand by the door, two tall ones on the square coffee table, and a set of four, or maybe six, placed high on the bookshelf.

"Kai?" She called out, fighting the blush that wanted to rise to the surface of her elegant features.

As the faint smell of lavender hit her nose, she heard the soft picks and strums of a distant guitar.

Kai stepped out from the shadows of his kitchen, the epicenter of the music behind him.

...

Maybe I need you,

"Sorry I missed our date."

Here in this hotel room,

Thinkin' 'bout angels,

Saori smiled at him, trying to hide how she felt, "You don't need to worry about me, Kai. If anybody understands urgent, uh, things, it's me."

Thinkin' 'bout what they do,

Kai took some steps closer, his pace somewhat hesitant, but stable. He said. "I'm not worried about you." He paused, stopping his stride, now stood less than half a foot away from his company. "I missed you."

Maybe they'll fly you,

Bring you right here to me,

Cover the miles,

The shocked expression she wore must've been priceless because, for once, she was speechless.

"Oh, well, I-" Saori shyly gestured around the two of them with her hands, "I don't know, neither of us is primed for dancing and speaking strictly as friends, I don't know if this is such a good idea."

Kai gave her a light smile, a subtle pleading in his eyes. With that combination, he came across as more seductive than wishful. "Saori... Get over here."

Heaven knows what I need,

Saori continued to gesture, mainly to the candles, "I'm not sure how we're going to make this work without knocking stuff over. I don't, want to set your place on fire."

Baby I need you...

Kai gave her a smirk, his eyes playful, "Saori-"

Her face and eyes spoke streams of awkward apologies, sheepishness.

With an embarrassed smile she said, lacing her arms around his neck, "Shut up?"

Kai subtly nodded a yeah, fighting the urge to chuckle. She was so cute when like this.

"Right, shut up."

With both moving to take a step, meet in the middle, Saori's high heels inevitably kicked Kai's steal-toed boots and vice versa.

"Ow!" She grunted.

"Sorry." Kai said sheepishly, regret noticeable.

"I, uh, heh-" Kai babbled.

"Look, I'm the one who put my feet under yours. So it's fine." Saori cleared her suddenly dry throat.

...

Maybe I need you,

"Let's just try this." Kai encouraged, taking his place again.

Kai watched as she placed her arms around his neck again and stood on his feet, their happy eyes and varyingly happy faces locking onto one another, time stopping.

Here in this time so sweet,

Everything quiet,

Everyone gone to sleep,

Thinkin' 'bout Elvis,

How he made Momma cry,

Elvis finds Jesus,

Makin' her feel alright,

As Kai moved them around in a small circle, he leaned closer. And as if he were telling a long-guarded secret, he sweetly whispered out, "... I love you."

Baby I need you...

"I love you too." Saori said, glowing as she grinned from ear-to-ear, silently telling him that she'd been waiting to hear this for years. Her eyes happily asking, what took you so long?

...

Maybe I need you,

Here in this world on fire,

Kai smiled brightly back, his eyes momentarily moving to the floor because his heated blush but then back to hers again. This euphoric feeling was evident all throughout him, he couldn't stop it, but he didn't want to.

Everything moving,

Everyone always tired,

Saori laid her head on his strong shoulders, eyes closed, just above his chest. "Kai, there's something we need to talk about."

Kai's eyes opened at the notion of there being a problem then he relaxed slightly and whispered, "Just for now... Can we leave tomorrow 'til tomorrow, and just have this?"

"... Mhmm." Saori hummed out, almost sleepily. She felt like she was in one of her dreams. This moment was beyond wonderful, it's splendor unparalleled.

Kai smiled down at her and then closed his eyes again, thankfully content, the world fading away as he relaxed further into her light caress.

Thinkin' of futures,

Everything falls away,

He wasn't sure how Saori felt, though most likely the same, but Kai felt like he was floating. She made him feel like he was flying high above the clouds as he moved them around.

Everything changes,

Nothing has changed today,

... Baby I, need you.

The soft guitar music ended with one steadily declining strum, but neither heard it, both dreamily smiling while lost in one another, in their haven.

Kai, now married and pushing thirty-six, sat in the tiny, one bedroom home he shared with Saori. They'd been living together for years and were steadily edging toward decade number two. They'd been together fifteen-and-a-half years exactly, their sixteenth anniversary being in late June.

Saori, stumbling in from a strenuous day, dropped her tiny purse and two briefcases by the door.

Kai peered up from his spot on the couch, still wearing his dark red apron and casual clothes from work.

"Hey. How was the staff meeting?" Kai asked, his tone still flat, but the emotion can still be hard.

Nowadays he was better at conveying how he felt. Whether it be verbally or nonverbally. But he was still subtle and somewhat distant and he thought that was something that would never change.

"The meeting went well. I, uh, it was just hard to stay awake, as usual." Saori said, becoming completely breathless as she removed her thin sweater, nude pantyhose, and white, high heeled shoes.

"Woo, I'm beat." Saori said, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

Kai watched her silently, his aura a mix of concerned and annoyed. This certainly wasn't normal.

"As fit as you are, you shouldn't be tired from getting undressed."

"I've had a long day, Kai. Don't be like that with me."

Kai pushed himself from the couch, his build imposing as always. And yet somehow subtly alluring.

"... Saori." Kai said, his voice hinting that he wanted something.

"Yes?"

Kai sent her a look with his eyes that was nicely commanding her to come closer.

Saori got it and in milliseconds was doing as he asked. Even after all these years, he still held a hypnotic spell over her. While she kept him in line there were ways he could keep her level and this was one of those times. He knew how to handle her too.

Saori leaned into his chest, his arms going around her, keeping her to him. Yeah, like she wanted to leave. These arms were godly, at least to her.

Kai effortlessly scooped her into his arms and placed her on the couch, a cushy throw pillow beneath her head.

"I think you should rest."

"I can't, a doctor's work is never done. Remember?"

"I remember." Kai shot her a stern glare and went to make dinner.

"Kai?" Saori said after a bit, some hesitance to her tone.

Saori gave him a thankful smile and then curdled up to sleep.

About twenty minutes later Kai heard Saori head upstairs but he didn't follow her, boiling potatoes being the main reason why.

Minutes later he heard running down the steps and, happy screaming? What the hell was that all about?

"I'm pregnant!" Saori yelled, ecstatic as she raced into the kitchen, every inch of her glowing with pride and joy.

Kai acknowledged her and then went back to his pot of potatoes, plucking them out onto a large plate with a fork.

Saori approached him and cautiously repeated, "Kai, Honey, I'm pregnant."

"I know." Kai said after a bit, placing the last potato on the plate.

Saori's gaze lowered, her heart sinking. This was not how this was supposed to go. Looking back up at him she fought back tears as she said, "Don't you get it? You're going to be a father. We're starting a family."

"Yeah, I know what that means." Kai said, again not looking at her, choosing to dump the pot of water in the sink instead.

"If you do then why aren't you saying something? At least let me know how you feel."

Kai looked at her blankly, handed her a plate and then walked out the backdoor, putting a cigarette in his mouth as he did so.

The moment he stepped outside, Kai fell back into one of the lawn chairs, an ashtray on the table next to him. As he lit the stick between his lips, shame overtook him. He knew he'd made her cry, and Saori wasn't much of a crier nowadays, hadn't been for years. She'd been his backbone, but now he was sure he'd broke her. Taking a long drag, Kai contemplated going back inside but decided against it. He'd come out here to cool off. If he went back in now, his instincts would most likely cause more harm than good. Again, his mind and heart were at war. All-in-all both sides conveyed one thing... He was angry because he was scared. Angry at himself for being scared and acting the way he did but he didn't know how to say these feelings, not yet. He needed some air. Hopefully, his wife understood.

Saori watched him go, her heart breaking into a million pieces as she sat at the table, sobbing her eyes out, the positive pregnancy test on table. He was that angry with her, enough to smoke? Was he going to drink too? She thought he'd be happy. He was really good with the kids at the hospital, a natural, so why was this so different? Did he not want to be a father? As well as she knew his head, had she ultimately read him wrong?

Some hours later, the sun having completely set, Saori stepped outside, the nice, late Spring breeze hitting her immediately while the door shut behind her.

Kai stayed where he was, unmoving, sucking down on the cigarette like she wasn't there as the wind carried the smoke with it.

His head was too loud and messed up that right now he couldn't even find the right words to say to her; what could be said right now about the news or his behavior?

Saori watched him, unsure of what to do too, but unlike him, she was going to make a move.

"Hey, honey. Do you need anything?" She tried, sitting in the lawn chair next to him, still anxious of his reactions. Honestly, she was back to how she felt when they'd first met and some years on.

All Kai did in response was shake his head. He didn't really need anything she could give him, seeing as how it was just the noise in his head that had to go away.

Saori shrank away, again feeling small and helpless, like a child. Crumpling her white skirt in her manicured hands, she peered at her lap briefly, feeling as though she'd failed him in some way, in a lot of ways really. She was his wife, she should know all his needs and wants almost instinctually, but Kai was complex on so many levels, nothing was easy when it came to him. You never knew what to expect from someone such as him. Still, she wouldn't give up on him. She was more than just his wife, she was also his official therapist. Seeing as her father was now retired.

Saori relaxed, letting the breeze carry her woes away. She leaned forward and cupped Kai's cheek, making him face her.

"Kai, talk to me." She said, her eyes pleading.

With his eyes not tearing away from hers, his stomach beginning to twist uncomfortably he swallowed the bile steadily rising in his throat.

"I'm scared..." He whispered out to her, not daring to speak louder for fear his voice would break.

Saori spared him her signature kind smile before pulling away, the smile fading. "Why?" She'd given him time, breathing room. Hopefully it had paid off.

"I..." He wasn't even one hundred percent sure why.

What was there that was so terrifying of having a baby? The sleepless nights, the crying without knowing what was wrong with them? The doctor appointments that never seemed to end, or was it that once they were out and about, there wasn't a damn thing he could do to protect them from the rest of the cruel world?

He shivered at all that plagued his head, and that wasn't even the entire list! There was still college, and dating, and driving and all the other things that ranged from choking on food and learning to swim or drowning if they weren't being watched!

"I can't. I can't do it. How do you just become a father?! I don't know what to do!" He finally spewed out, looking paler than usual and beyond horrified.

Saori took his hand, keeping herself and it in plain view like always. "No one knows what to do. Mothers included. Parenting is trial and error. What matters most is how you love them. Showing them you love them unconditionally." She squeezed his fingers, "Like Max and his mom did for you."

Kai shook his head, eyes going down and refused to look her in the eye. "I don't even know if I can do that..." He admitted quietly.

Saori sweetly said, "You can. Look at how good you are with the kids at the hospital, at the store. You'll do great."

There was a rift coming between them as Kai puffed on a new cigarette, the fire from the red lighter illuminating them for a few seconds. She got the feeling he didn't believe her but what else could she say?

"It's different..." He finally said, letting his hand fall against the armrest of the chair, the cigarette between his fingers.

"I'm not responsible for those ones, not in that sense, because they have their own parents, or other family to go to. How can I be 100 percent responsible for someone else?"

Saori felt her body heat up and face go tight. She shouted, moving to stand up, "All I'm saying is that you're great with kids, Kai, not that you're responsible for them."

"This one I will be!" He yelled back at her, "And I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility!"

"Well, it's too damn late to do anything about it! I'm in my third month, no abortion clinic will take me so you're just going to have to deal with it! You stick it in, you better as hell be man enough to stick around!" She teared up, no longer able to stay strong for him. She needed him too, if not just as much right now.

Through hiccuping sobs she said, "And for the record, Mr. Asshole... I'm scared too!"

She crumpled to the ground, barely missing the pulled out chair as she went down, slamming onto her knobby knees.

Kai barely moved as she fell to her knees, just looking at her as tears began to build up in his own eyes.

Of course she would be scared too, probably more so than him seeing as how she was the one carrying the child and the one having to endure all the changes and the birth itself.

But, three months in? Out of nine? Why hadn't she told him sooner?! Had she been hiding it, just to do this to them, or because she was afraid of this exact moment happening? While that thought bounced around in his head, he was also envious of her. She'd already had all that time to get used to the idea of being a parent, while he was just suddenly thrown into it.

Sure, he stuck it in but it wasn't all just him either. It never was. Love takes two after all. But he wasn't fixing to do what she had and point fingers like that.

Instead, he slowly slumped out of his chair onto his own knees. On all-fours he crawled over to her, and wrapped his arms around her.

If they were both scared then they could be scared together, figure it out together like they always did. He just wasn't sure how well it would all work out in the end, but one thing he did know was it wasn't the end of the world or them.

Saori fell into his hold, almost automatically, the tears not stopping. In the midst of sobbing like a toddler who'd fallen off their bike, she blubbered out, "At first I, I wasn't sure."

"About what?" Kai kindly coaxed as he held her and ran his fingers through her hair.

"About being pregnant. I thought maybe it was just my body being under too much stress, or being overworked and not sleeping right." Wiping her eyes and sniffling as she tried to compose herself, she added, "But, my father got worried and gave me a pregnancy test. I'd forgot about it until today. I took it and ran to you."

He nodded back in understanding, fingers gently brushing the hair from her face before leaning in and pressing his lips to her forehead and held them there in a gentle touch. Hopefully she'd get the message hidden within it.

"I can't promise it's going to be alright, because I don't know. But I can promise that I'll do my best."

Saori blushed, face steaming as if she was standing in the shower. As was expected, her world swirled and her bubbly insides turned to goo, the school-aged girl in her screaming in delight at his affections.

Then she came to her senses, saying tearfully while feeling like an idiot, "You mean it?"

Of course he means it! Her mind screamed, continuing to scold her as the main focus shifted to him.

He nodded back and offered her a small, genuine, smile. "C'mon, you need to eat." He said as he pulled himself and her to their feet carefully, "You're eating for two now."

Saori became a mix of offended and amused. Leave it to her husband. She laughed back as she let him lift her up, the air between them now light and roomy.

"Really, babe, how am I supposed to take that?" She said as she giggled.

He shrugged at her, his smile turning more into a smirk. "You tell me."

Saori laughed even louder, embarrassed of herself. What to say to that? She turned toward the house, her steps stumbly due to laughing so hard at her own stupidity. Then she animatedly tripped over an unseen box of beer cans which sat by the door but off to the side.

"Whoa!" Kai moved quickly, his hands effortlessly grabbing her from behind, icy fingers wrapping around her ribs, just below her breasts.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sounding uncharacteristically short of breath. Through her back she could feel his heart beating. She'd scared him, again.

While she turned around to face him, the light from the kitchen cascading on them as if it were a heavenly halo or glow, Kai took the opportunity to capture her lips in his, something overtaking him.

"What was that for?" Saori asked after Kai set her lips free, her breath stolen along with her heart.

Kai cupped her cheek, keeping her eyes locked with his.

The warm wind swept their hair and clothing to-and-fro, and in the silence, Kai kissed her once more, all the love he felt for her at the forefront.

Saori kissed him back, loving that he was being so affectionate all the sudden. Then it hit her why...

They pulled away, Kai still not letting her go. He smiled at her and she smiled back, her grin feeling two times bigger than her face.

She could see it written all over him now... He was happy and had fallen in love with her all over again.

Two months past before anyone noticed and word spread in their group of friends.

"I'm gonna be an uncle, oh my Goooood! Hahahaha" Max shouted, taking both of Kai's hands and hopping both of them up and down in a circle. Much to the amusement of all around.

"Aww, there's a good big brother." Tyson lovingly teased, grinning widely as he stood next to his girlfriend Tammy. Tyson proposed some days ago, this action coming after a bumpy road full of rehab visits and a terrible breakup then a slow retry.

"Oh my god, honey." Tammy interjected with a laugh, looking at him lovingly.

Tyson brushed a kiss on the top of her head, taking his hand in hers. He was proud of her for finally getting sober, knowing that it wasn't an easy process. He knew relapses were possible but he secretly hoped that he would never have to go through all that again.

"Congrats, dude." Tyson said, extending a hand to Kai who was still standing by Max. "We're here if you all need anything."

Kai took his hand, gripping it firmly, "Thanks. Much appreciated."

Happily forever alone Kenny soon did the same as Tyson but Kai lessened his hold, not wanting to break the shy guy's hand. Or his first two fingers, again.

Saori walked back in from the kitchen, her steps unsteady from carrying the extra pounds.

Tammy took one look at her condition and remarked, "Oh look, she can't hide the waddle now."

While the room went so silent you could hear a pin drop, Tammy kept laughing, holding her stomach. Gazing at a speechless, watery eyed Saori, she added, "I hate to say it but you're gaining a little weight there. And Sis, as big as you're getting you won't make it to your due date. Are you sure there's one baby in there? It looks like you're carrying triplets." After that, the journalist continued to howl with laughter.

Wiping tears from her eyes, she said, "Oh come on, that was totally funny."

Tyson, who had moved away from Tammy, laid eyes on a stoic Kai once his mouth and jaw had reconnected with his face.

"I'm so sorry." Tyson said in a frantic panic, his hands going up, making a wall, between them.

"Why, I'm not." Tammy retorted, annoyed that her fiancé would intrude on her fun.

"Tammy! You don't say stuff like that! Put yourself in her shoes!" Tyson barked, fed up with her.

Now Tyson was beginning to question whether she'd really been released for being clean or had just checked herself out. The next question that ran through his head, if she wasn't drugged up, was she blackout drunk? It didn't matter either way, that was rude and uncalled for. This was humiliating

Tammy Whitaker, soon-to-be Tammy Granger, was a bottom heavy, gangly woman with deep set blue eyes and splotchy skin. Along with that she had no boobs and lips that appeared too big for her face. She slept in her make up so only one person knew what she looked like without it. She dressed like she was keeping up with the Kardashians all the time and acted like the world owed her. But she fooled Tyson, hardly being her true self around him. At most he thought she was a little mouthy or too spunky at times but nothing more.

"Enough, Tam." He warned. Tyson looked at Saori and said earnestly, "I'm so so sorry. You look fantastic. Just keep doing what you're doing."

With a hum that said he wasn't going anywhere, Kai took Tyson by his wrist and yanked him aside. As he took Tyson with him, Kai hollered back, "Max, take Saori upstairs. Kenny, you go with them."

He shoved Tyson around the corner toward the backdoor, "And Tammy, GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR HOUSE!"

Not caring to hear her response or see her face any longer, he left to have his man-to-man chat with Tyson.

Once the door was shut, Kai let loose, Tyson staying quiet so as not to get knocked out cold.

"I've had it!" Kai screamed, storming closer to him, finally making visible how livid he really was. "Leave her ass! For real this time, no more chances! She's put us all through enough!"

Tyson swallowed the rising, painful lump in his throat, and his eyes filled with tears, knowing that his friend was right. But he had no choice.

"I can't." Tyson said woefully, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shifting the weight on his feet.

Kai folded his arms over his chest, "Why?" He demanded.

Tyson's eyes shifted, his stance showing how uneasy he felt. He looked at the taller one and said bittersweetly, "She's pregnant."

Kai gave him a stern look that said he had just royally screwed his life up. "Do I feel sorry for you."

Kai then paused, taking the somber sounding news in. "Is it really yours?"

Tyson shrugged, pitting himself too. "The timeline matches up, so, most-likely, yes."

Kai relaxed, his mind putting the pieces together, "She trapped you."

"Yep." Tyson looked away, at the ground, disappointed in the situation too. He sucked on his lips, rubbing them together as he took a deep breath in and out through his nose. Then with an audible popping noise, they came back out. "She did."

Tyson looked at Kai blankly and said, "She went off the pills and I didn't know it. She said they broke her face out."

Kai's face faltered into a sad one, his eyes expressing how much he felt for him. "That's still no excuse."

Tyson let out a defeated breath, and walked up to him. He said plainly, "It is what it is."

"If you need anything-" Kai stopped himself, feeling shy.

Tyson smiled widely, feeling, for that second, happy again. "Thanks, I appreciate it."

That night, Kai told Saori what he'd learned, prompting Saori to call Tammy and give her a piece of her mind along with Kai's. Making her cry was one thing, according to her anyway. But both strongly agreed that trapping a man with a child even she didn't want was morally messed up on so many levels. That child was in for a hard life and all involved knew it.

The pair walked with their bags up to their new abode as the bus drove off. It was a small, old era style home on the outskirts of Japan's cities.

At the brokenhearted behest of their father/ father-in-law, they moved to a place with lots of room and fresh air, away from smog and crowds. A couple of neighbors were ok to have, but he felt too many eyes on them would cause more unneeded stress, on all three of them. They needed some place where they knew no one and none knew them, fresh start, and they agreed. Both agreeing more for the other's sake then themselves.

Kai took the luggage in the already furnished living room and then helped his exhausted wife inside, her left arm over his sturdy shoulders. She was in her last trimester, but the things that were going right for them had suddenly taken a hard turn left.

"I'm alright, Kai." Saori insisted, her voice breathless as she was sat on the couch.

Kai kissed her forehead, holding her face in his hands. He let his touch linger a second longer before standing to his full height.

Wordlessly he went around to the dining room and pulled out a slew of wide bottles. The prenatal vitamins and other medicines shook like clunky maracas in his hands as he moved them up and out from her bottomless pit of a bag which sat pushed up to the table.

While they weren't prescribed, minus the B12 and magnesium supplements, Kai was afraid he'd lose her if she didn't stay on top of her health. He didn't make her do anything strenuous unless he knew he couldn't help it (or wouldn't win the incoming argument) and often fussed over her to what she called an annoying degree.

She understood why and found it sweet, but he was almost suffocating. As he came back, into her line of vision, she wondered... Was this how he was with Mariah after awhile? Was she the reason he was being this way?

"It's really amazing, ya know?"

"What is?" Kai said, briefly smiling at her before going back to pressing and twisting the colorful, childproof caps open.

Saori grinned back and said jokingly, "That your smile isn't creepy looking anymore."

The moment he heard her bust into fits of loud laughter, Kai fumbled in shock, nearly dropping and spilling the plastic container of medical candies.

"W-was that, was that really necessary?" He asked, a bit hurt by that. She knew how insecure he was about it.

Seeing how she'd gotten to him, Saori stopped, feeling utterly awful. After all this time she thought he'd moved passed it, but she was wrong.

"Kai, I'm sorry, I was joking. You have a beautiful smile. Really." Saori said, watching him closely.

"It's fine." He said, subtly scoffing at her while he continued to organize the day's chewables. Hormonal or not, she knew what she was doing. That's what pissed him off, she knew, but she still teased him anyway.

Nothing else was said between them, Saori taking her vitamins as ordered. Meanwhile, Kai left to unpack all they'd brought with them.

When that was done, sometime after 8:00PM, Kai plopped down on the couch next to Saori who seemed morose but still lost in her baby book.

Kai put an arm around her and pulled her in.

"Hey. All done." He said, tired but overjoyed to be beside her.

Saori didn't say anything. Ok, something was definitely wrong. The icy fear set in, followed by the age-old, lifelong panic. What had he done now? Was she gonna leave him?

Kai moved in front of her, taking over her line of sight.

"Saori." He uttered softly, feeling outside of himself.

Said woman glanced up from her book, and instantly her heart broke. He looked so scared and concerned.

"What's Wong?" She asked, the worried tone coming out automatically.

Kai's eyes spoke all he wanted to say but he couldn't verbalize it. He wanted her to promise him, say she'd be alright, that she'd stay with him. But...

In the end, he just sat back beside her and held her close, savoring all the moment had to offer.

Saori wanted to say something, ask her usual questions to make sure he was well, but she didn't. The little voice in her head was telling her to enjoy this too, so she did, and curled up into him.

Over the course of the coming months, they renovated a room into the baby's nursery and became well acquainted with a certain Doctor Joe. While Saori was happy to meet him Kai was reluctant, keeping his distance, but still staying close enough to intervene should Joe try anything funny.

Joe was a gangly, spirited man around Kai's height who looked decades older than he was. He told Kai that when he first moved to Japan, during the start of the 1980s, he was often the subject of viscous, but still ridiculous rumors which said he didn't bathe and was homeless. Despite their thoughts, he cared for all he could and seemed to be the only medical professional on hand. That puzzled the couple to no end but they didn't dwell on it too long, their thoughts soon going back to the baby, which they still didn't know the gender of.

One early morning, in early October, Kai awoke to Saori whimpering as she squeezed the life out of his hand.

"Saori?" He said, his voice sounding gravelly and hoarse.

Saori said nothing, she just continued to make her pains and discomfort known.

Kai felt something warm spreading around her and under him. Like a punch to the face, it hit him... Her water had broke, and she was in labor. Shit!

He hurriedly plucked her up and took her downstairs, placing her on a pallet in the corner of the floor. Joe had him make it the night before.

"Just keep breathing, baby, you're doing great. I'm gonna go call the doctor." Kai softly stated, sweating bullets as he stroked her head, keeping her hair out of her face.

Saori gripped the covers shielding her lower half from view and a minute later felt Kai's hand back in hers.

"I have a fever." She said, short of breath.

Hiding his panic, Kai felt her forehead. She did, but before he could say anything Doctor Joe threw the doors open in a flash and dashed inside.

"What a wake up call." Doctor Joe greeted as he crouched down at Saori's feet.

"She's got a fever." Kai said immediately, not caring how rude it sounded.

Joe laid his tools out just incase he needed them. Snapping on some gloves, he filled the big basin nearby with hot water, fluffy and clean rags were draped over its edges.

While Joe checked to see how far dilated she was, Saori said, "It started in my back an hour ago. It came in waves. Then I had what felt like normal period cramps. But then it shot around my lower back, through my hips again, increasing. Then into my stomach again. My water broke, then I got Kai up."

Joe removed his fingers and with a nod said, "I see. That's normal, but the fever's bad. You're halfway there. Just hang on, it won't be much longer, dear."

He sternly looked at Kai, "Why are you just sitting there? Go make a dozen frigid tea towels. I'll help you wrap her in them."

Kai did as told, briefly wondering where the nice old man had gone off to.

The two wrapped icy, dripping wet towels around her, Joe instructing him on how to wrap them where they would stay put.

Saori shook violently, every elevating contraction making the trembling worse. As time went on, one hour turned into two, and then three to four but her fever never dwindled. Slowly Saori's whimpers turned to tearful screams of pain, both men wishing they could stop it. Kai especially.

"Give her an epidural. Something!" Kai screamed, anger and frustration evident throughout him.

Joe gave him a somber glance while he circled a warm rag on Saori's belly. "We don't have anything like that here."

"You expect me to believe that? Help her!" Kai ordered, feeling like he was back in the arena, aged fourteen.

Joe stayed quiet a little bit longer, and then with the clearing of his suddenly dry throat, he sadly said, "We don't have stuff like that here because it's being rationed, and I've run out... I'm sorry, Mr. Hiwatari."

Doctor Joe checked her one more time, feeling guilty that he was hurting her so much.

"It'll all be better soon." Kai told her, realizing it was time.

"Time to push. I'm going to count to ten, and when I get to ten you take a breather, on one you push again... Ready?"

Kai watched in anticipation as Saori went to work, but at times she was barely able to catch her breath which scared him.

Before either knew it, there was a boisterous, screeching cry. Their baby was finally here.

"It's a boy!" Joe shouted as he cleaned it up, happy as ever when it came to babies.

Kai turned to Saori, wiping tears of joy from his eyes, "Did you see? Our baby's here, and it's a boy."

Joe's face soured, seeing crimson pool from underneath the woman and out along the floor.

In the quiet, he gazed ahead. He focused on Kai, who was struggling to wake her up.

"It's futile." Joe said after a bit, his heart breaking. But it was obvious that Kai didn't hear him as he continued to scream for her.

Kai crumbled, sobbing historically on her blanket, just below her unmoving chest. Time had stopped and everything faded away.

After some time of watching this, Joe made his move, slowly stepping up to him. As much as he hated to do so, a dose of reality had to be given eventually. He moved the man, sitting him up against the couch. He seemed lifeless, like an empty shell as he handed his baby to him. He instructed him on the best way to hold him and waited.

Kai quietly held the newly wrapped bundle in his arms. He was completely numb but somehow still felt happy to see his baby. A boy. After months of going back and forth on what they would have, they ended having a beautiful baby boy.

"He's healthy. Has all ten toes and fingers too. I counted, but you want you can double check." Joe jovially said. He then began to clean up, resterilize, and gather up his tools. Then while Kai was still distracted, he carefully covered up Saori's body with the sheets and blanket she had on for warmth.

"What will you do?" Joe asked after some minutes, looking at the man. His heart went out to both of them.

Kai would know the pain this loss caused, but he would also know the warmth and love Saori held. Their son wouldn't know a single piece of her.

"Huh?" Kai let out, looking up at him in surprise, his brain finally registering he'd said something to him.

Joe acted as if that was normal. For him it was. "What will you do? Will you tell him if he asks about her?"

Kai looked at his son and said, "What he doesn't know won't hurt him, not like it does me."

Joe gave him a hard look and said, "He'll resent you if you don't tell him, especially when he asks, when he's older."

It was a warning he gave to all who lost a spouse young; be they man, woman, or identified as something else. Regardless of who he was talking to, it was mainly said to young fathers. Why, because they were the most stubborn, that or prideful. He could never tell which. Maybe it was a mix of each and the grief just amplified it.

Kai didn't say a thing after that. He heard Joe leave and then come back with possibly the coroner who tried to talk to him but he wouldn't say much beyond a few words.

It was his first day with Doctor Joe, and though he didn't feel up to it, Kai wanted to make a good impression. So, he got up before his alarm went off and was there on time, at 5:00AM.

Kai walked into the old, ranch looking home. He often forgot that farmhouses existed in Japan, and out here, he was proven wrong time and time again.

At a round kitchen table sipping a cup of coffee sat the man he knew as Joe. The one that had helped deliver his baby, the one that had given him a helping hand when he felt like ending it all. He couldn't help but ask, he needed a lifeline of some kind. It had been just over a month to date, and the savings were running low.

"Mornin', sir." It came out hushed, like he didn't want him to know he was there, and yet he did.

Joe looked at him, still not fully awake. He pointed to a small pile on the sofa and motioned for Kai to go to it.

Kai looked the carpenter-esque outfit and apron over. Did he seriously expect him to wear this? The clothing looked flimsy and light. Could he modify it?

He eyed Joe and said, "Sir, forgive me, but- What is this the Civil or Revolutionary War Eras?"

Joe loudly cleared his throat, disapprovingly sent him a hard look, and said, "If you have something better go get it. But, leave your practice here."

Kai gulped upon hearing that. Ok, forget opinions. Just go with it.

Joe finished off his coffee and got up from the table. Walking up to his apprentice, he kindly asked, "How are you and junior doing?"

Kai shot him a pointed glare of his own. "Gou Hiwatari... We're doing fine. My new neighbors Tyson and his wife are watching him. They have a son around his age too."

Joe rose a brow at him, "And you?"

Kai felt warm at that, realizing just how much he really cared about his patients.

"Besides feeling like life has hit the Reset button on all my progress, I'm fine." Kai told him, feeling even more defeated. Now he was just going through the motions, being a robot.

"Progress?" Joe asked, visibly confused.

Kai yawned, turning his head away from him. Then he turned back to him and uttered, "It's nothing."

"Nothing is never just, nothing." Joe reminded. "Nothing is always something wrapped in the blank paper of unspoken words."

Kai swallowed, knowing he was right. Alas, he knew his pride wouldn't allow him to openly admit it. So, he said instead, "It is when you leave it behind."

"If you say so." Dr. Joe left it at that, not wanting to argue first-thing in the morning.

"Go get changed, then we'll head out."

"Yes, sir."

Kai went to do as instructed, not wasting a second more. After both were briefed on the day and Kai on a Doctor's numerous necessities, the two left the house together... His first day on the job had officially begun.

Kai trudged inside, dragging himself through his front doors. A screaming baby Gou bundled up in his strong arms. The day had been draining but he knew he wasn't done. Gou still needed fed, despite it being midnight, and a bath. This routine was gonna be hell but he knew it'd all be worth it if he kept at it.

Over time, the demanding career and being stretched thin a thousand or so ways became too much for him. Tyson's declining marriage was causing him to turn down a dark road, and Tammy's already neglectful behaviors were becoming more noticeable, but he'd do what he could for them. Either way, as it stood, Gou's safety was no longer guaranteed there. Now he had no choice, reluctantly he concluded that he was going to have to ask the government for help. He just prayed it wouldn't be a mistake, because the thought alone filled him with regret and guilt.

As Kai laid his baby boy in the crib beside his own bed, he made a vow to always be there for him and do all he could to keep him, their child, out of harm's way.

To Be Continued...