Dear Readers,

If you read chapter 25 this morning I posted chapter 27 by mistake. I had been working on a rewrite of last few chapters and checking for continuity that in my brain I was a few chapters ahead. I am sorry for the confusion.

Thank you for continuing with us on this journey. It has been rather dark of late. Wishing you all the best.

Chapter 25: Once Upon Another Time

With food I regained my strength and mind. He had just returned to my room with a cup of tea for me. I patted the bed beside me, inviting him to sit beside me while I sipped my tea. "Erik, what was your childhood like?" He was silent for a while. I gave him time.

He sat down. "It is interesting that you ask. Your words of recent have led me to ponder my past dealings with people."

I suppose one's childhood is dependent upon your parents. I never met my father when I was able to form memories. He left her shortly after I was born, repulsed by my face, she told me when I found out other children had fathers. So my Angel, I never knew my father though he was musically inclined so I have him to thank for this talent so my mother informed me.

My earliest memory is of cloth, blocking my vision. I could hear voices and sounds but I had no images to connect them. I recall being quite proud of myself for having removed the cloth, opening up a glorious world of color, shapes, and sights to behold. My euphoria was short lived because then I saw my mother for the first time, and I learned what anger was and what my first beating felt like too.

As long as I covered my face I could be in my mother's presence. She realized my desire to see and made three slits in the cloth through which I could explore my world. I grew older, learning the rules she set for me. As long as I kept my hideous monster face concealed, then she was docile and gentle. The exception to the rule was when I would read to her. She loved to hear my voice as you do. I had to keep my back to her to keep my visage from showing. I recall her saying, "It's moments like this when you read that I am grateful I let you live. Your voice is a gift". I was so delighted I worked to hone and strengthen my gift to learn how to do voices for her, to throw my voice and to sing. With my voice I could entrance her and calm her.

"I reached my hand to his and he looked at me in wonder. " I do not tell you this to elicit pity, only that you asked. He looked at me thoughtfully. There is a strength in you that I am loath to lose." His long fingers entwined mine while my heart ached for him. "I digress. I do not hate my mother because in hindsight she was stuck with a grotesque offspring to raise on her own. Blessed with beauty I can only imagine how the sight of me in contrast must have devastated her. I am not sure how she managed to provide us with a house and food. There might have been a relative that helped us. We rarely had visitors. I was locked in my room if we did. One time, well I was a very small boy, she had left me in the other room. I had figured out how to open the door so I rushed out looking for my mother. She was in the living room with strangers. "Why does the child have a hood on its head?, a lady asked. My mother was still for a bit.

"It is an orphan child that I found," she replied.

The curious lady removed my hood and screamed in fear, startling me and I ran off. When I had calmed down I returned, concealed behind the doorway to hear her ask my mother, "Are you keeping the little monster?" I heard my mother say, "I can't bring myself to get rid of him, it seems so cruel. He needs someone."

I knew I needed to be good so I could stay. She brought a farm cage into my room and I went into it if we had visitors. You will be safer here she said as she locked the door. I was safest in the dark cage, I couldn't break a rule and incur her wrath. Sometimes I would happily go for days within its safe walls.

"Oh Erik, how could that woman? Your face did not scare me. It was you, when you screamed at me. I didn't expect you to scream at me. Your face is different but it does not make me fear, or hate you," I said removing his mask and I reached my hand up to run my hands over his warped visage. He leaned into my touch.

"Oh my Angel, this is why the idea of losing you drives me mad. You offer me such kindness in spite of my wretched state. I love you and yet I can't bear to have you suffer at Erik's hand. I hugged him, my heart wanting to help him yet, knowing I should take my freedom. He drew away and looked me in the eyes before asking, "May I kiss you?" and I nodded. His fingertips touched my face and he gently pressed his twisted lips to mine in a chaste kiss. "I learned then that my face was to be avoided at all costs. Sometimes she was happy and wanted to be with me while other times she couldn't stand me and I had to be in my room. Always because of my wretched face she said. She had taught me to play piano and to sing. My voice was soothing and a thing of beauty. Like reading my singing made her happy. Even when my voice changed to become deeper she still said it was an instrument of the angels. Maybe my face was to balance out the beauty of my voice she said.

.

A man started coming to the house to visit and I went into my cage with greater frequency. My curiosity overcame my fear of making my mother violent and I picked the lock on my cage and I left my room. "I love you." the man said and he kissed my mother. She didn't pull away from his touch. I had yearned for my mother's embrace but she always pushed me away saying touching was sinful. But here she was with this man. I was incensed, I rushed down the stairs to defend her from him. They broke away from each other at my scream. She screamed with fear upon seeing my face for the first time in 8 years. Her scream made me stop short of them.

The man stepped in front of her. "Do you know this young man?" he asked, gesturing his hand my way.

"No, I have never seen him before," she replied.

The man then lunged for me. "Stop, I am her son." I said.

He stopped and turned to my mother. "Is this true?" he asked her.

She remained silent, a wave of sadness passed over her face to be replaced by anger and I ran from the room and from the house later that night. My mother had denied my existence. She chose the man with the handsome face over me.

Erik closed his eyes at the painful memory.

I embraced him again. I was enraged on his behalf. How could his mother have treated him so? 'Erik, she was not a good mother. You should have been hugged and not hidden from the world. I am angry at the childhood she gave you. You were an innocent child. Your face is not your fault. She did not love you as you should have been loved. Your face is not handsome but it does cause a person to become violent.

"But it does. I see people change when they see my face. You are the only person to have seen my face and not become frenzied, that is one of the reasons I love you so. You are not repulsed by me. You are not afraid of me. My touch, my kisses would bring you comfort and I drew the same from you. You have revealed a new world, new feelings in me, that I dare not hope to have. How can I take my precious memories with you and bottle them away never to be experienced again? I am a selfish creature because I do not want to be alone anymore. You are my Angel sent from heaven or time to save me. He looked up at me, his eyes so full of longing. I love you," and I felt his connection pull me to him. I was a forgiving person, forever wanting to believe the best in people, that they could change. Take care of yourself, a voice said inside my head. I needed distance for perspective which strengthened my resolve.

"I want you to respect me and let me choose to be with you if I want to, instead of you dictating my life. Your mother kept you in a cage, I am enraged over the little you have told me and I fear there are more abuses you suffered at her hand. Erik, it was very wrong of her to put you in a cage. As safe as your home may be I do not want to be in your cage. If I come back to you it will because I love you and I want to be with you. Your face is not the reason I need to go. It is because of your actions and treatment of others and myself that I have to go. I need a break from us. I need time and space without you to figure out what I want. I will let you know if and when we can try us again.

"I love you." He whispered while watching his thumb stroke the back of my hand.

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