Tinderbox

Author: Cheryl W.

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait but I kept rewriting and rewriting until I finally got this chapter into something that I liked.

STAGASTAGSTSGATSGATEASGST

Chapter 17: United Front

STAGASTAGSTSGATSGATEASGST

John knew there would be a yelling tirade from Beckett in his future, he just didn't expect that it would start without him. Ronon pulled him up short in the hallway as the raised voices were clearly heard from the infirmary ward.

"Yes, sure, I have room to put a Lt. Colonel in the back of my pocket! Do you see him with me, with Teyla, Carson!?" Rodney sarcastically railed back at his accuser.

Carson however was refusing to back down. "He wasn't able to get out of here without help!"

"Have you met John Sheppard?! He's like the king of escapes and bad ideas…" Rodney volleyed back.

Before there could be bloodshed on his account, John gave Ronon a two fingered wave to roll him into ground zero. As they crossed over the threshold into Carson's domain, three heads swiveled to the twosome. One relieved, one proudly vindicated under a splash of relief and one irate.

"Ha! You owe me an apology," Rodney huffed but Carson didn't even hear him, was too busy chewing out his wayward patient.

"What part of "set back your healing" and "You're staying in the bloody bed until I give you permission to get out of it" was in a language you don't know?!" Carson growled, hand already taking hold of Sheppard's wrist while his fingers sought his pulse points, the gesture surprisingly gentle, didn't resonate with his clear anger.

Realizing that John was a little too ashen to defend himself properly, Rodney butted in, "To be honest, when you get angry your Scottish brogue gets a bit thick and it's no wonder… "

"Rodney, shut up," John advised but with an affectionate tone. He exchanged a look with his friend, his best friend as it turned out, and gave a small smile of gratitude, which Rodney returned, assured that there was no heat to John's words.

Facing Carson's wrath, John didn't bother with excuses, couldn't even find it in himself to put up a macho front, was too worn through for any of it, especially after the month he'd had of cutting himself off from his own feelings and away from the people right there with him now who actually were dumb enough to care about him. Wearily he said, "I told you I needed to get out of here for a while. You didn't listen…Ronon did."

Stunned silence fell upon the group who had never actually heard such a …soul bearing and slightly defeated tone from Sheppard before. Seeing the stunned and worried looks, John couldn't help but shake his head and smirk. Maybe they weren't quite prepared for him unplugged. Putting some of his usual smartassery in his next words, he joked, "Who knew a little honesty could put a muzzle on McKay and Beckett."

That broke the quiet like a sledgehammer, just like John intended it to.

"Hey, I just got reamed out for your jailbreak while tall, dark and looming here isn't getting so much as a glare from Carson!" Rodney heatedly groused, jerking his thumb toward Ronon when he inplicated him.

Carson too was on a rampage. "Why shouldn't I be stunned?! I didn't know you could be honest, especially when you rate your pain levels a measly 4 if you've been shot, a 5, maybe, if you have an arrow through your chest."

"Depends on the arrow. I have a little bit of a reaction to arrowheads made with impure metals," John quirked.

Before the two men he was antagonizing could retaliate, Teyla stepped protectively in front of John's wheelchair, effectively getting between Rodney and Carson's target of irritation. "Gentlemen, I believe the important fact is that John has returned to the infirmary and is well." When they both meant to argue, she gave them a stern but intact smile, "I know you both want what is best for John and surely that is to see him back in bed and not under more duress." The two highly respected professional, emotional men had the grace to pink in embarrassment.

Teyla turned around, her wink making John smirk and Ronon nod before the Satadan steered John around McKay and Beckett to his bed. Deftly, Telya took the IV bag from John's lap and hung it on the pole while Ronon put his hands under John's shoulders and knees.

"Careful!" Carson barked but there was no need for concern as Ronon lifted John in his arms slowly and held him with gentle strength, John's head rested on his broad shoulder, until Teyla moved the wheelchair out of the way and pulled down the bedsheets. Then mindful of John's legs, Ronon carefully eased John back onto the bed. Instantly Carson was there to brace John's gun shot leg until Teyla eased the pillow under it. Even with the gentleness of his caretakers, John was pasty white and taking measured breaths to negate the pain he was in.

Crossing to the bedside table, Carson loaded a syringe and plunged it's contains into John's IV, causing the man's pain creased features to settle into a one of mere discomfort within seconds. While Carson pulled back the bandages to John's leg to check for any pulled stitches, Teyla crossed to stand by John's head. Leaning over him, she ran her hand through his sweaty, unruly locks of hair that were falling upon his forehead. "Though you took my advice, I'm not pleased you exhausted yourself doing it," but she was smiling down at him, glad he had spoken to Ronon, could sense a peace in John's eyes and joy shining through Ronon's worried gaze. Clearly her two brothers had extinguished the strife between them.

"Me exhausted? Na. Little flagged, maybe," John downplayed, was back to his normal operating procedures but Teyla's smile turned dimmer at his deflection. Surprisingly she didn't pull away, disgusted he was again putting up walls between him and his vulnerability, instead she gently rested her forehead upon his.

"No matter what state you are truly in, we are here with you, John," she vowed before lifting her head, giving him a warm smile and stepping back to give him some space. Which Rodney promptly stepped into.

"I didn't mean…well, I did mean to do it but…if you're…" Rodney began to stammer, shifting on his feet, clearly highly uncomfortable with whatever he was feeling. "If you're feeling…..trapped.." his voice cracked on the word and he swallowed shudderingly but knew his selfishness was hurting John and that wasn't something he wanted to happen. Meeting John's confused eyes, he straightened up his stance and plowed through, though it would greatly hurt him, this moment of selflessness. "If you want to…if it's really what you think is best for you….I…I'll send your reassignment letter to the IOA." Having said the part that was like sucking down a bottle of lemon juice and waiting for the effects to kill him, he couldn't help letting his personal feelings gush out. "Though it'll kill me, emotionally, and yes, probably physically the first time I go off world or something nasty comes knocking on Atlantis' door but that's….not your burden…you just made it your burden and that's the problem…it's been a burden, I've been a burden and I never meant…"

In a surprising move, John reached out and grabbed Rodney's forearm and gave it a gentle affectionate squeeze, causing Rodney to cut himself off in shock at the emotional gesture. "You're not a burden, Rodney. You've saved my life how many times now?"

Glad to be on familiar boasting ground, Rodney parried back as John's hand fell from his forearm, "More than even I can manage to keep track of."

John smiled, knew he could count on Rodney's pride to beat things back to normal between them. "Exactly. And who else gets all my bad jokes and movie references."

"Which I'm ashamed of myself for 99% of the time." But then Rodney's head tilted, suspicion and dread darkened his features. "Is this your goodbye, so long, speech because you did get your transfer request through already?"

John's eyes skittered to Ronon's, and his friend couldn't hold back his joyous smile, prodding John to enlightening the rest of their family of his decision. Even Carson had frozen in his actions, his eyes coming to settle on John's features.

But now that the time was at hand, John felt all bashful and nervous. "Ah…yeah, about that…." Looking at the gathered circle of people he cared about most in the world, he saw all of them, even Ronon, were hanging on his every word, waiting…hoping. And that gave him the strength to take another step back from the abyss he had allowed himself to be backed onto.

"I don't…I'm not….I'd like…." Crap but this was hard, and it wasn't prideful objection to doing a takeback, admitting that he was wrong. It was the vulnerability of admitting he wanted to stay, allowing them to know he needed them, letting himself feel whatever he wanted to feel and not gauge the consequences…or brace for the inevitably soul crushing ending that was the fate of all the rest of his relationships.

Into this maelstrom of emotions, it was Ronon who gave his hand a brief squeeze and, eyes holding his with steadfast affectionate regard, vowed, "It will be alright, John."

Taking strength in Ronon's conviction, John gave a watery nod, exhaled and announced, "I'm withdrawing my transfer request. I want to stay on Atlantis."

There was an array of verbal responses straightaway to his declaration.

"John, that is wonderful news!"

"Really, for sure?! You're not just saying that and then going to slip onto the Daedalus and not say goodbye because you hate having to talk about your feelings?!"

"Colonel, I'm very pleased to hear that."

Affected more than he wanted to admit at his friends' reactions, John smiled widely, turned that smile upon the only non-believer in the group. "Really, Rodney. You're stuck with me, right back at you."

"Oh thank God!" Rodney praised because there really wasn't a way he foresaw his life being anything but miserable and short-lived without John in it. He surprised John and himself by giving the colonel an emotionally fueled hug before pulling back and beginning to ramble on at Mach One. "That's actually good because I couldn't have sent your resignation letter even if you wanted me to because I deleted it even from the hard drive and dug it out of the backup programs in Atlantis's main computer storage areas. Next we'll have to throw your meager possessions back around your room into their prior array of 'a bomb just exploded here' glory. And then we'll need to talk about recovery time because I'm not going on a gateteam you're not part of…."

"There's one person John needs to speak to first," Ronon interjected, hated to have to be the one to bring painful rational to the pleasure and relief engulfing them all. But he was a realist at heart…wasn't the optimist John was. Felt panic surge through him at the thought that all this relief and joy could be futile if Colonel Carter went against logic, clung to her jealous prejudice, couldn't admit she needed Sheppard, that Atlantis needed Sheppard.

Brought back to the reality that his fate wasn't in his hands, hadn't been since the day he put his signature on an Air Force recruitment form, John sobered quickly and gave a nod of morose thanks to Ronon for putting things back into prospective. But Ronon looked more like he had stuck a knife in his gut than thanked him. "Ronon's right. Colonel Carter's the one who decides if I get to stay on Atlantis."

Again voices were raised in a clash of opinions.

Telya tried hard to be logical, though her own soured opinion of the Colonel peeked through her rigid tone. "She must recognize all that you bring to Atlantis, that she can't hope to oversee Atlantis without you, John."

"You go, I go. And I've told her that already," Rodney arrogantly declared before the insults started up. "She would have to be a moron, which I never thought of her being..but then again I never suspected her of being so callous and cold hearted to try and hurt you to amplify her ego. She's not who I thought she was."

"Surely the Colonel would be relieved you're rescinding your transfer request," Carson merrily vowed, earning him 'you've got to be kidding me' looks from his gathered friends. "I feel like there's something I'm missing in all of this."

Not wanting to fall into the easy trap of bad mouthing Carter who he actually needed to show him kindness, John spoke before the others could correct the good doctor's opinion on the merits, or lack there of, of Colonel Carter's benevolence. "The colonel's the leader of Atlantis and we need to respect her position." Seeing the objections on his teammate's faces, he continued, "My fate isn't the only ones in her hands, all of yours are too. Not just your careers but your lives and the lives of everyone on Atlantis. If she feels, like she actually has every right to, that I'm going to be a hindrance instead of a help in her leadership, she will hand me over to the IOA and none of us will have a say in that." Protests began from all corners but he shot them all down. "I'm not going to stay if I can't do any good, save lives."

And that was something all of them knew about John, that above all, he wanted to save lives, that it would be worse if he stayed for them and Carter didn't listen to his advice and lives were lost because of their dissention, they each had seen that scenario a time or two with Elizabeth. Rodney had seen it with Elizabeth herself when he had gone against John's ruling, gave her the nanites and that rebellion hadn't spared Elizabeth in the end, had maybe doomed her to a worse fate than death.

"This is not a decision only between you and Colonel Carter. We all have much at stake," Teyla began but it was Ronon who finished her resolution.

"You're not meeting her alone," Ronon's tone resolute, eyes daring Sheppard to even think about protesting and see where it got him.

"Yeah, one on one she manipulates you into believing the stupidest things and making the worst decisions." Rodney didn't want Carter anywhere near Sheppard while he was projecting such vulnerability but if the Colonel and Lt. Colonel had to co-habitat a space for a required talk where Carter groveled for Sheppard's forgiveness, no way was he letting his friend go it alone.

"Thanks for your trust in me," John sarcastically drawled at Rodney's allegations, though they were pretty spot on. But his gut was starting to settle down at the idea that his confrontation with Carter wasn't going to be mano e mano, because Rodney was right, he hadn't won a single round with the woman playing fair, trusting her judgment, believing she knew something about him and his team that he didn't, couldn't face. When the truth was, if she knew a thing about his team, about his family, she'd know they were down and out a lot of times, were crap out of luck when it came to things going the easy way, but they never gave up on each other. He had certainly never given up on any of them, (not even Elizabeth, he still held back some dim but stubborn hope that they'd see her again). And his family wasn't giving up on him, hadn't in the past and they weren't going to start now. No matter the Grade A idiot that he had been the past month.

"So we're doing this together, deal?" Ronon posed, hoped John wasn't going to make them argue about this until the wounded man was even more drained of energy because the outcome wasn't going to change. They were in this together. Done deal.

John met the resolute faces around him, knew that the choice wasn't his own. That what Teyla said was correct, what each of his teammates had told him wasn't an exaggeration or a manipulation. They were all tied together, were a family. And he, of all people knew, what it was like when a family was shattered, that the resulting shards only knew how to cause pain, left behind wounds that would never heal. He honestly never wanted that to happen to this family, his true chosen family. Realized dolefully that it just might take all of them to keep what they had, what they valued most, from slipping through their fingers.

So to Ronon's question, John gave a firm unflinching affirmation. "Deal. We do it together."

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

TBC

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

Thanks to all my beloved reviewers and all my readers for still popping into this story to read this chapter!

Have a great day!

Cheryl W.