Chloe made them both a cup of tea, and they sat in the kitchen as she told Beca about the call she'd received.
"Jesus," Beca said, once Chloe had finished. "Are you okay?"
Chloe nodded. "I'm really sorry, Beca. You know that, right? I won't ever… I'll try not to ever speak to you like that again. It was wrong."
"I know," Beca said, looking down at her tea. "I'm… It's not okay, the way you spoke to me. But I forgive you. Just… talk to me next time. If you need to drink, I'll be there to make sure you're okay, but I don't… When people are mad at me… if they yell at me… I don't respond well to that."
Chloe knew Beca was struggling to explain herself, so she just reached across the kitchen table and squeezed her hand.
"I'm gonna call Stacie's office tomorrow, see if I can get an earlier appointment," Chloe said. "Beca, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should speak to her too."
"Me?"
"Not at the same time as me," Chloe said. "I'm not talking about couple's counselling or anything, but… Baby, I yelled at you and… I was mean to you, and you apologised to me. When people treat you badly, your first reaction shouldn't be to apologise."
Beca shrugged. "You were hurting."
"And so were you," Chloe said. "I just think you should maybe talk to someone who isn't me about this. It's up to you though."
"I can't afford a therapist, Chloe," Beca said, shifting uncomfortably on her seat.
"I'm not saying you should get a therapist," Chloe said. "Not that that isn't a good idea. I think everyone should have a therapist," she added with a laugh. "I just think you should have a chat with her. I can ask her to just… add it onto my session. Just as a one off. She's really good, Beca. She's nice. And if this is something you want to carry on doing, she's super flexible with how much she charges."
"Can I think about it?" Beca asked, still looking skeptical. She had folded her arms on the table and was resting her head on them. She looked exhausted. Chloe remembered with a pang of guilt that she had woken Beca up at 12:30 am, and that Beca had come over immediately. It was now almost 4 am.
"Yeah, of course," Chloe said. "Do you wanna go to bed?"
Beca nodded, but didn't make any effort to move.
"Does your dad know you're here?" Chloe asked, moving off her chair to load the empty cups into the dishwasher.
"Left a note," Beca mumbled.
Chloe returned to the kitchen table and brushed the hair out of Beca's face.
"Come on," she said.
Beca pulled herself to her feet and followed Chloe up the stairs.
Beca sat on the edge of the bed and, without warning, started crying again,
"Hey," Chloe said, softly. "What is it?"
"I dunno," Beca said. "I'm just… I'm just tired and…" She struggled to catch her breath. "Just thinking about the last time I was here, and how happy I was and how close I came to losing that."
"You didn't nearly lose me, baby. I nearly lost you," Chloe said.
"It doesn't matter, the end result is still the same," Beca said.
"It matters," Chloe said. "What happened was my fault. Don't blame yourself for any of this, okay?"
Beca nodded, but she was still upset.
"Come on, you're exhausted," Chloe said, helping Beca change for bed. "We'll both feel better once we've slept."
"Do you still need to drink?" Beca asked, wiping her eyes.
"Kinda," Chloe said. "I still… I really want one, I'm not gonna lie. But if you offered me one, I don't know if I'd drink it. I think I just need this day to be over."
Beca nodded. "Let's sleep then," she said.
They crawled into bed together, and fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.
As she drifted off, Chloe felt a rush of gratitude that, despite what she'd done, Beca was currently holding her, absentmindedly running a hand through her hair. She was still there. Still comforting her.
"I love you," Chloe mumbled, pressing her lips against Beca's shoulder.
"Love you too," Beca replied.
"You've been real kind miss."
Chloe blinked and tried to make sense of her surroundings. She was in a barn. Wind was whistling through the door, which was banging violently open and shut.
It was dark but she could make out the figure of a man standing in front of her.
"I really appreciate you talking to me. Not judging me or nothin'," he said.
Chloe tried to speak but found she couldn't. She tried to scream and shout, but her voice was trapped in her throat.
"It's a shame I didn't speak to you before I done those awful things."
And Chloe looked down and saw them. The bodies. Dozens of them. All little girls. All dead.
"Still, my daddy always said, no use crying over spilled milk," he said, cheerfully. "You get a lot of spilled milk on a farm, miss."
Chloe tried to move, but she was stuck. She was sinking. And suddenly the little girls weren't dead anymore. They weren't little girls anymore either. They were pulling her down. Biting, clawing, screaming.
"I'm glad it was you who heard my last words," he said, aiming his gun. "Now you gotta carry that secret. Now it's gonna pull you down instead of me."
And then suddenly he was right beside her, whispering in her ear.
"Thank you for listening, Chloe."
Chloe sat bolt upright in bed. Her heart was racing and cold sweat was running down her back.
"Chloe?" Beca mumbled, still half asleep.
Chloe hurried out of bed and rushed into the bathroom. She ran the cold tap and began splashing water on her face, her hands shaking badly.
He didn't know my name, she told herself, hands clutching the sides of the sink. He hadn't hurt anyone. He told me he hadn't hurt anyone.
It was just a dream.
She jumped when she felt Beca's hand on her back.
"Sorry," Beca said, stepping away. "Are you okay?"
"Bad dream," Chloe muttered, squeezing her eyes shut.
"Was it about the call?"
Chloe nodded. She opened her eyes and looked at Beca. She looked pale and exhausted. Her eyes were still red from crying. Chloe felt another rush of guilt.
"What time is it?" Chloe asked.
"Dunno," Beca said, her voice raspy. "Early."
The sun had started to rise, casting the room in a pale blue light.
Chloe felt wired and jittery, like she'd drank ten cups of coffee, even though she hadn't had caffeine for a week.
She wanted to sleep but didn't know if she could. She didn't know if she'd be able to stay awake either.
She felt the way she used to feel when she was having a bad day. Like in those first few months after her suicide attempt, where she'd be too tired to do anything but too wired to sleep. She hated that limbo.
"Come back to bed," Beca said.
Chloe wanted to, but she felt stuck.
Beca tugged her hand and lead her back into the bedroom. "Talk to me," she said, curling up beside her in bed.
"Baby you're exhausted," Chloe said. "Go back to sleep."
Beca shook her head. "Talk to me."
"About what?" Chloe huffed.
"Anything," Beca said. "Tell me your funniest college story."
"I don't… I can't remember," Chloe said, sounding frustrated. "My brain isn't working like that right now."
Beca sighed. "I'm sorry," she said. "Can you think of any story you can tell me? Even if isn't interesting or significant."
"No," Chloe said, her voice cracking. "All I can think about is that guy and the sound of his gun going off."
"Okay," Beca said. "Then listen. And pay attention, you'll be getting a quiz on this later." She cleared her throat, and thought for a minute. "So, my favourite episode of the Simpsons is a Halloween one. In fact I think it might be like the first ever Halloween episode, which happened in season two. You'd think that the Halloween episodes are such a staple that they started in the first season, but no, season two is when the first one was. So, Bart and Lisa are in Bart's treehouse, telling scary stories…"
And Beca spent the next 20 minutes explaining her favourite episode of the Simpsons in such excruciating detail, that Chloe had started to laugh halfway through.
When Beca was reaching the final act, Chloe felt herself getting tired again. She was trying hard to listen to what Beca was saying, because was whatever it was she was doing was working. She was so focused on listening to Beca, that she let the other stuff just slip away.
She was trying to focus on her voice, but Beca's hand was now running slowly up and down her back. She kept feeling her eyes drift shut, but forced them open again. She didn't want another nightmare.
"Go to sleep, Chlo'," Beca said.
Chloe couldn't have refused if she wanted to. As soon as the words left Beca's mouth, she let her eyes close and finally fell asleep.