Tide watched Mr. Bucket tap-dance on the roof of Down Tower, where Keerthi had been swallowed by the floor.
The choreography was amateur at best.
"I know what you are going to say," said Mr. Bucket. "Keerthi was not my fellow countryman because she was not a citizen. It is true. But this is not the dance of my countrymen! It is slightly different. It is dedicated to people who have seizure addictions."
She walked over to the side of the tower to see where the creature had fallen. She could not see it.
"Do not worry," said Mr. Bucket. "It cannot hurt us. It is too dead."
She sighed. She didn't want to, but she decided to try one more time.
"Did Mr. Wonka have slaves? Did he ever show you them?"
"Yes," said Mr. Bucket. "He employed some of the Oompa Loompas, and the ones that could not sing were made into the slave Loompas who all lived in the Slavery Room. Back then we did have a Slavery Room."
"When you came here," said Tide. "When you were a child. Did you feel bad when he showed you the slaves?"
"Yes, after he explained it to me," said Mr. Bucket. "He did it differently then."
"What was it like, having that revealed to you?"
"I felt terrible for Mr. Wonka. He saw how inefficient it was, but in those times with how little we knew about physics he could do no better. He knew that slavery made chocolate better, but he did not know how. When I was older, I discovered Wonkanucleons and created all this, and he had never been prouder of me."
Charles Bucket was fine with slaves, but Tide was sure Charlie Bucket would not have been. He was creating new memories to satisfy his current view of reality.
Reason was off the table. People did not reason with root beer and peanut brittle. Men made of candy were not like men made of meat.
"I can tell from your silence that you are glum!" said Mr. Bucket, who at last ended his tribute. "Do not be! Miss Too-Good-For-Omelas will be fine. The non-citizens hospital does fantastic work! We have the best candy-based healthcare in the world!"
Tide did not want to hear about the candy-based healthcare. "Can we move on?"
"Yes," said Mr. Bucket. He leapt off the tower.
Tide was proud of herself for not being surprised. The Great Glass Elevator flew back up seconds later and Mr. Bucket was inside of it, grinning.
She saw his tongues flicker, and it dawned on her. She knew Charles Bucket.
She knew Charles Bucket because she knew herself.
W
Mr. Bucket, Tide Honey, and Mahuika Jewel entered the Great Glass Elevator from the roof of Down Tower. The double doors closed.
"It is spozzling," said Mr. Bucket. "We only have two children left! We started with six! How does that happen?"
"Murder," said Tide.
"This Great Glass Elevator is too loud," said Mr. Bucket. "It makes it too easy to miss it when children falsely accuse candy trillionaires of crimes they haven't committed."
He laughed.
"I know we are sad, but we cannot have four little accidents spoiling our fine adventure," said Mr. Bucket. "We will press ahead! But where to? Few places in Wonkaland can rival the magnificence of the Down Rooms."
He snapped his fingers. "Insporkation has struck me! I will let you choose. Mahuika! Vape and press any button you choose!"
Mahuika vaped and pressed one of the buttons who knows it could have been any of them.
The elevator lifted from the ground and flew up.
"A surprising choice," said Mr. Bucket.
"It isn't," said Tide.
"Yes, maybe, who knows. Tide, why don't you choose our next destination instead?"
Tide made her decision. The Great Glass Elevator took a sudden right.
"The Dentistry Room?" asked Mr. Bucket. "No! We are not going to the Dentistry Room! Can you not read the label next to the button? It is out of operation!"
Tide had chosen the room because it was out of operation.
"We do not make those products anymore! The candies that drilled into your teeth for cavities sold poorly. It is only used for storage now."
"You said I could choose," said Tide.
"Yes," said Mr. Bucket. "You did choose! I am only not allowing you to have your choice. It is an important distinction."
He pressed his own button. The Great Glass Elevator stopped and went down.
W
"It was once the Television Room," said Mr. Bucket. "It is where Mr. Wonka created Wonkavision, which I developed into Wonkavision 3.0, the same technology I used to create my puzzle. Now it is the Abstraction Room. It is where I abstract what is needing to be abstracted."
Tide saw that Mr. Bucket had also stopped himself from decorating. The Abstraction Room was as barren as the Potato Room, with a one potato margin of error.
"Children!" shouted Mr. Bucket. "Ignore the two potatoes on the floor! We are not here for them."
"There isn't anything else here," said Tide.
"Hold on," said Mr. Bucket. He whistled.
The door to the Abstraction Room slammed shut.
"There we are," said Mr. Bucket. "Good."
Mr. Bucket turned into vinegar and became a puddle.
"Children," said Mr. Bucket. "I am not a puddle. I have only been abstracted."
"I vape," said Mahuika.
"Yes," said Mr. Bucket. "You do. Tide! Mahuika! This room is not like any other room you have seen today. What I do in this factory is science and what I do in this factory is art. This room is not science and it is not art. It is translation and execution. There are no rules in here."
"How so?" asked Tide.
The pen that Mahuika was vaping from winked out of existence. She took out another and vaped.
It smelled like vinegar.
"In this room," said Mr. Bucket. "I translate, and it is executed."
"So what," she said.
"So everything," said Mr. Bucket. "When I am translating, time can be backwards, and matter can be created and destroyed. Energy can come from nowhere. I can exist without a body! I can live forever! Enpoopy can become negenpoopy! I have already abstracted you and Mahuika from time, and your bodies are homeostaying without burning calories. It is hard, but I can do it."
"If you can create matter," said Tide. "Why have the slaves? Why have anything else? You could have the chocolate without any of the work."
"Translation is only possible in the Abstraction Room. If I worked hard, I could abstract as far as I wanted, but it might take me millions of years and I don't want to do it. I want to leave."
"Leave?"
"I followed the formula enough," said Mr. Bucket. "This far should satisfy. Children! No need for pretending anymore, we know what this is! I am going to leave you for an amount of time, you can choose for how long. When one of you has had enough, click your heels together three times, and you will have a chocolate stroke. The other child will win. Goodbye."
"What?"
Mr. Bucket did not answer.
"Mahuika," said Tide. "Vape and immediately ask Mr. Bucket to let you leave the factory."
Mahuika vaped. She did not ask Mr. Bucket to leave the factory.
"Didn't think so," said Tide.
"I vape," said Mahuika.
W
EIGHT DAYS LATER
Tide woke up.
"I hate you," she said, looking at Mahuika. She didn't need to sleep in the Abstraction Room, but it was one of the best ways to pass the time, next to telling Mahuika to vape and play kick-the-potatoes with her.
"I vape," said Mahuika. She vaped.
Tide could have Mahuika do almost anything if she also told her to vape, but she wouldn't click her heels together. She wouldn't do anything that would make her lose. Tide had tried pushing Mahuika's heels together herself, and Mahuika walked away and vaped.
She wanted to win, Tide understood.
"Stop pretending," she said. "Keerthi and Chili were right. There must be more to you than vaping."
"I vape," said Mahuika.
"There," she said. "I think there must be. But it isn't what Keerthi thought. If I thought you were good, I would let you win. But you aren't good. You are rotten. I'm sure of it. There is something nasty in you. Something vile. I can't let you have the factory."
"I vape," said Mahuika.
W
THIRTY DAYS LATER
Tide hadn't spoken to Mahuika in two weeks, but she suddenly started. She didn't know why.
"I'm making it all up as I go along," she said. "I know the ocean isn't god."
Mahuika vaped.
"My mom likes literature. My dad likes science. When I was little, I loved the ocean, and I still do. But they always… they always tried to make it about what they liked. My mom wanted me to appreciate it from a literary perspective! My dad wanted me to appreciate it from a scientific perspective! I didn't care! I liked it both ways, but they didn't listen to me when I said it. They didn't fight about it, but they were always trying to make it about something bigger. I didn't want it to be bigger! It's the ocean! What's bigger than that?"
"I vape," said Mahuika.
"I decided I would go and get revenge. I went and told them that I appreciated the ocean as a religious extremist, which they would have hated. They didn't believe me, so I ran away and started my religion. I took control of a fishing village and had my members stop paying tribute to a local cartel, which gave us the funds we needed to operate. We left the country and went to Russia. I didn't have any plans. I stood up and said stuff and everybody liked it! I don't know why they did. I just wanted to teach my parents a lesson."
Mahuika vaped.
"It was going great, but the cartel sent undercover polar bears, and they chewed up three of my followers. They were very old and would have died soon anyway, but it's still my fault! I was supposed to protect them. I only meant to keep it going for a few months or until they apologized to me, but the bear attack changed it! I couldn't stop and tell them it was all a joke after that! How can you convince someone to stop liking something you made? I thought they would go away if I made it make less sense but they liked that even more!"
"I vape," said Mahuika.
"I have no idea what I'm doing," said Tide. "JUROR is right about how he does it. I hate dealing with endings."
She smiled. "But I liked the attention. Mr. Bucket does too. I don't think he believes what he says. He might believe that he believes that, but he doesn't. He just wants to speak. The content doesn't matter."
"I vape," said Mahuika.
"We're the worst ones," said Tide. "Having nothing to say, and saying it."
She looked at the potatoes.
"I miss them. They weren't trying to make me feel bad."
W
ONE HUNDRED AND SEVEN DAYS LATER
"No!" Tide screamed.
The potatoes had burst. It was a miracle they held out as long as they had.
"You kicked them too hard! You idiot!"
"I vape," said Mahuika.
Tide sat on the floor. There would be no more kick-the-potatoes.
Passivity no longer sufficed.
"Mahuika," said Tide. "I am going to give you one more chance. Leave the factory."
"I vape," said Mahuika.
Tide looked at her.
"There was a man named Henry Sugar," said Tide. "I read about him. That is the silly pretend name people call him, but he was a real person. He could see the world without his eyes. Anyone can learn to do it, if they practice for decades, but he was a special person. It is rare, but some people can learn to have powers like his with much less practice. It comes naturally to them. My mom is one of these people."
"I vape."
"I am one of these people too. My mom moves stuff with her mind. I talk to animals. These powers are real, and all you need to do to get them is only focus on one thing. Henry Sugar focused on a candle. My mom focused on someone she hated. If I practiced focusing, I bet I could have powers like they have. I could see the world without my eyes. I bet I could even peek inside your head, Mahuika, and find out who you are."
Mahuika vaped.
"If you do not leave, that is what I will do. I have as much time as I need. Will you leave?"
She did not. Tide began to practice.
She focused on Mahuika and only Mahuika, with a zero Mahuika margin of error.
W
ONE THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX DAYS LATER
Tide cleared her throat. She had not moved a muscle in years.
"It is finished," she said. She had forgotten her own voice. "I know I will be able to peek inside your head. Will you leave the factory?"
"I vape," said Mahuika. She vaped.
"I understand," said Tide.
She focused only on Mahuika, and peeked inside her head, and